Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. It's property of Tite Kubo.

Author's Note: Hi! Welcome back to the fifth day of IR Month. Sorry that I'm publishing this one-shot so late but I ran out of ideas for this one. I'm not entirely happy with the result, but it does tie nicely with tomorrow's one-shot, so there's that. Also I didn't really edit this one, so apologies if you see typos or mistakes.

This time, we're back to the original timeline, so this happens a few months after the first and second one-shots. Meaning, Ichigo's finishing his first year of college or starting his second, and he and Rukia see each other frequently (more on their agreement later). We'll probably continue with this timeline for the next few stories, but I'll let you know before each of them.

I'm so glad you've been enjoying this story so far. Hope you guys also like this chapter!

See ya!

(don't) lie

Prompt: betrayal

Summary: Ichigo can't keep pretending anymore, because ignoring his true feelings would be a betrayal to his own soul.

It starts simple enough.

One comment is all it takes to make him question everything.

Who knew something so innocent would make him want to lose his sanity?

"You don't fight anymore, right Ichigo?" Keigo mentions one evening as the whole gang is out drinking beer.

Ichigo doesn't know exactly how to respond to that.

If Keigo means he doesn't pick up fights with random gang members, then he's absolutely right.

He's found that people in college are less likely to care about inane bullshit, such as his hair color. Ichigo's seen people with hair of all colors, and questionable fashion sense out and about in his university. He guesses when one has to worry about due dates and exams, it feels idiotic to care about anything else. So, no. No one has picked up fights with him in campus. And since he's busy with school work and his part time job, he rarely sees gangs messing around on the streets. Also, none of those guys made it into college anyway.

So, there's that.

If Keigo means he hasn't fought any baddies lately, then he'd also be right.

Without Yhwach making an appearance and with Aizen imprisoned for a thousand years, things in the Soul Society have been pretty peaceful during the last two years or so. As far as he knows, there hasn't been any reason to worry. Although he still worries. Every day. That something might disturb this peace.

It is kinda unsettling.

But if Keigo means that he doesn't train with his zanpakutō or that he doesn't fight Hollows anymore… well…

He's still considered a Substitute Shinigami for a reason.

And yet that's not the comment which pisses him off.

"Of course not." Inoue answers for him. "Kurosaki-kun doesn't need to fight anymore, right, Kurosaki-kun?"

"We won the war, after all." Chad mentions, nodding at Inoue's previous words.

Ishida looks away, disagreeing with the other two but not being brave enough to outright say it so.

"Oh so I guess there's no need for you to see Kuchiki anymore." Tatsuki retorts and then she chuckles, prompting the others to share a laugh.

Keigo and Ishida, though, don't laugh at all.

"What do you mean, Tatsuki?" Ichigo turns to his childhood friend, unsure of what she means.

"That if things are peaceful now, there's no need for you and Kuchiki to meet so frequently." That's her reply.

And it…

Well

It pisses him off more than it should have.

"Why can't I see Rukia?" He questions her and it is clearly from his tone of voice that he's anything but happy.

All of his friends know that Rukia visits him often and, whenever she can't, he goes to the Soul Society in his free time, as per their mutual agreement.

Ichigo never thought they would have an issue with that because, wasn't Rukia their friend too?

Why is it so bad that he still wants Rukia to be part of his life?

Understandably, there's a shift in the mood.

"I…" His tone is so biting that Tatsuki is at a loss for words.

"What Tatsuki-chan means is that you and Kuchiki-san don't have business together anymore." Inoue tries to explain, and when he doesn't look convinced, she continues, "Because she and the Soul Society don't need your help anymore, there's no reason for her to come back."

There's something in the way she says these things that grates on Ichigo's nerves.

Because it is true.

The Soul Society doesn't need him anymore.

He went and fought and bled… and he's not even sure he won.

(In your happiest moment, I will be back, Ichigo, and I will defeat you)

And since things have been calm, the only thing he's been useful for is sending errant souls to the Soul Society and purifying Hollows.

But one thing is the Soul Society and another very different is Rukia.

Or at least, Ichigo had thought so before this conversation.

And he hates himself for it, yet there's a tiny part of him which wonders if he's still useful to Rukia.

If there's any reason at all why she has kept contact with him.

So he doesn't answer them.

He stops adding to the conversation, though. And the most he can muster is a few quips here and there. Thankfully Keigo can talk enough for the both of them, so he's not missed.

At the end of the night, as he leaves the bar, it is Ishida who stops him.

"Don't listen to them, Kurosaki. They don't know what they're talking about." That's all he says before leaving.

Who knew his former rival would get him more than his other friends?

Well, Ishida's his cousin after all, and the two have lived through things the others can't imagine. Not even the ones who had accompanied them in all of their adventures.

Even so, there's a distressing feeling in the pit of his stomach that doesn't go away.

Emotions and thoughts he had buried long ago, resurface with a vengeance.

And there's an ugly voice inside his head questioning everything he knows.

Is he worthy?

Is he useful?

He's not

That's why Yhwach hadn't been defeated.

Because he hadn't been strong enough.

Can he even call himself a hero?

No wonder Rukia left him for seventeen months.

No wonder she barely had any contact with him for two years.

She probably came back because she pities him.

There's just no way…

No way she─

And then, Rukia's there.

Back in his life, smiling at him, asking him about his school life, his job, his friends, and for a whole weekend Ichigo forgets why he was so upset.

But when she leaves, there's an endless void inside of him again.

He almost feels like a Hollow.

And Ichigo doesn't understand why.

He trusts Rukia.

Trusts her more than he trusts himself.

He knows her.

Can read her like an open book.

He's sure there's no pity in her eyes when she looks at him, nor hatred or any other negative emotion.

She knows who he is.

She trusts him.

Then why is he so ruffled by what Tatsuki and Inoue implied?

It's disconcerting.

He shouldn't feel insecure, and yet, here he is, awake at three o' clock in the morning, wondering why the thought of Rukia leaving him again is so upsetting.

Ichigo knows he can live without her.

The quality of his life, though, would be worse and he knows he'd be an empty shell walking for a long while. But knowing Rukia's safe and happy would be enough to eventually move on.

He can live without her.

But he doesn't want to.

And the why is the most troubling thing.

There are plenty of reasons and justifications he can come up with.

Rukia saved his life.

Rukia gave him the power to protect.

Rukia changed his world.

And yet none of them encompass what he feels.

Deep inside, he knows all this time he's been lying to himself.

And when he sees her again, asking him if he's alright, her eyes worried and her reiatsu reaching out to calm him down, he has his answer.

Ichigo can't keep pretending anymore, because ignoring his true feelings would be a betrayal to his own soul.

He knows why Tatsuki and Inoue's comments cut deep.

He realizes why he wants to become essential to her.

Because Rukia is essential in his life.

And from now on, he's going to show her.

He'll stop this charade once and for all.

No more lies.

No more betraying what he feels.

Ichigo will be honest.

Because Rukia…

She's worth the whole universe.

A/N: So the whole betrayal thing was difficult to explore. At first I thought about having Orihime feel betrayed because Rukia is now closer to Ichigo, but I didn't want to have any IH in here. Then I thought about writing something humoruous, but it would've clashed with tomorrow's one-shot. So I came up with this idea on the go and I just rolled with it as it is a set-up for tomorrow's story.

See? I told you the hero motif would keep showing up lol.

Also, I guess last year I would've said I didn't do Orihime justice here. That I wrote her in this way because I hate IH and I'd admit that it was OOC. But after re-reading Bleach, and remembering how she actively tried to discourage Ichigo from saving her, and other things that she has said or done out of jealousy, I firmly believe she'd be annoyed that Rukia's back in town and that she's spending so much time with Ichigo when he's not much of an active Shinigami anymore. She'd wonder why she's there and would try, again, to discourage Ichigo. Also, it's canon Orihime hates that Ichigo fights and gets hurt. I also think Tatsuki would make those comments to find out if Orihime has a chance and as a way to push Ichigo into Orihime. Same with Chad after Kubo made him want to call ichigo's attention towards Orihime's boobs... I mean, dress. Too bad this situation backfired and that Keigo and Ishida realized it. I wrote Keigo being the one to put two and two together instead of Mizuiro, as he did ask Ichigo about Rukia that time in the Fullbring Arc. So I'm using this as justification that it's very likely something like this could happen.

And I also headcanon Ichigo knows he has feelings for Rukia, but doesn't act on them because of the situation and is content with being side by side without labels. But as he grows older and matures, that situation is not comfortable anymore. Not saying he will jump into telling Rukia he wants to be in a romantic relationship right away, but he's definitely going to be more open about his feelings and he's going to express his affection more. Rukia has gone through a similar process in the first one-shot. They're not quite in a romantic relationship yet, but they will be at their own time. Basically this whole story is how they get there.

Anyway, hope you guys like it and that this note clears things up.

See ya!