CHAPTER 11: Goodness and Sin

(AN: Title is inspired by the quote "But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin." Aldous Huxley, Brave New World)

"You've been staring at the same page for ten minutes."

Isaiah looked up from The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts. "I was just thinking."

"Yes?"

"Can I try removing your mark?"

Severus dropped the Potions journal he was reading. "What?"

"It says here that Riddle was a parselmouth and that's how he placed the mark."

"Yes.

"I'm a parselmouth."

"You can talk to snakes?"

"Sure. They make great spies and lookouts."

"You have pet snakes?"

"No, friends. I met one at the London zoo during a school trip when I was eleven. Brazilian boa constrictor named Dwight. Real nice. I got him out and one of his kids wanted to come with me. I named him Bob. He lives in the sewers and pops up once in a while to say hi. That's how I met the others. They help me out and I get them food. Win, win."

"You run a snake mob."

"I guess. Anyway, can I try?"

"You don't know any parselmagic."

"So? I can do my type of magic, no foolish wand waving and silly Latin incantations. Give me your arm. It won't hurt to try."

Severus relented and watched as Isaiah cradled his arm in his hands. His thumbs caressed the faded mark. He stared at it for a minute and then hissed at it. The sound startled Severus. It had been years since he heard that language. He was so caught up in memories of the Dark Lord that he missed what happened. When he looked down his arm was bare.

"Bloody hell!"

"I got you to curse! This was definitely worth it."

"You…." he didn't continue.

Isaiah kissed his bare forearm. "All gone."

They were walking around Diagon Alley during the last weekend in August while eating Pumpkin flavored ice cream, at least Isaiah was, when Severus stopped walking abruptly.

"James Potter is your father," he whispered dazed.

Isaiah looked at him confused then looked around to make sure no one was watching them. "Yes, we learned that last week," he whispered back.

"You don't look like him. You do have green eyes like Lily but you don't look like either of them."

Isaiah wiggled the fingers of his free hand and all of sudden the other alley patrons avoided the pair.

"But I do. I could pass off as James' brother. I've seen the pictures in all those history books. Even as a baby I looked like him. Still do. Except for my green eyes."

"You don't."

"Sev, I can tell what I look like. I see my reflection in the mirror."

"I don't see his face when I see you."

"Alright. Describe James." And Severus did. "Now describe me."

Severus did, he was shocked that he was describing the same person. "How is that possible?"

Isaiah shrugged, then tapped his forehead. "Magic."

Severus looked to where he pointed and his eyes widened. "You're invisible in plain sight."

"Handy that. It would be hard to blend in otherwise. Imagine all the stares I would get if people noticed a James Potter look alike walking down Diagon Alley."

"I can't believe I didn't notice before."

"Oh that's probably the black bones fault. Though, I've figured out how to hide from people." He started walking again, disrupting the notice-me-not he had created, and Severus moved to keep up.

"What do you mean?"

"I can hide from others. It can make it that after a while I could get anyone to forget about me. Mother was a nightmare as you know. At first it was an accident, getting her to forget about me from time to time. But then I got sick of her starving me. I don't like taking people's free will from them but I had to do something about the beatings."

"What did you do?"

"A spell. When she gets annoying I say a phrase and she completes it. It redirects her attention. It took a while to get it right. Working in her shop randomly came in handy. Not everything in those books work but a lot does. It's why I like learning about it and decided to study religion at Uni."

"You cast a spell on a muggle? It's against the law."

Isaiah shrugged. "I didn't know about that then. I was thirteen and desperate."

"What's the phrase?"

"It won't work with you."

"I wasn't planning on using it. In fact, I never want to see her again."

"May you be shown kindness and be granted peace."

"Why that?"

"It's a tradition for a child to ask their parents for a blessing. It had to be something that I could say in the presence of others without drawing attention. I just say it like she's the child since no one else would dare to say it to her."

"You are quite resourceful."

"I had to be."

"Why didn't you run away? Use your magic to help you?"

Isaiah tossed his empty cup and spoon then pulled Severus to the side of the street away from passersby. Again, he made it so they wouldn't be overheard. "She was all I had. I got used to it. After a while I didn't know any difference. She would give me things when I first started living with her, after a beating, clothes, toys, books. Like an apology. Then she would get angry and take them away. Reward. Punishment. The cycle was normal. Stockholm syndrome I guess. She stopped hitting me when I hit puberty but she still withheld things, food, clothes, affection. Something shattered inside me after I found out my scholarship was limited to my first year. I finally had an out and that was failing. All I wanted was for her to love me. It got too much."

"How did you cope?"

"The phrase. I could get her to lay off me. Then I learned that if I made eye contact I could get her to do things."

"Wandless imperious?!"

Isaiah shrugged. "No clue. I got her to give me money for our bills. She was shit with money. Not that it helped, we still got evicted. I desperately wanted her to leave me alone. And she did. She slowly started to forget about me. It was fine at first. After my scholarship ended I decided to move back into the house in Brixton to save money. I didn't want to have to work more to pay for boarding. To move back, I needed her to remember me again so she wouldn't freak out if she saw me. I lived like a ghost until I graduated. I sealed my room with magic, popping in and out to use it to sleep and shower. Showing my face only when I absolutely needed to. I left the room more and more after I graduated and when Ben and Linda moved in. By then, it was only verbal abuse so I didn't have to hide. And even then it was only when we were alone. Never with witnesses. The spell reigns her in. Stops her from lashing out. When we left to live with Isis, I removed myself from everyone's memory in the neighborhood. I didn't want her mess to follow me."

"You can modify memories on a grand scale?"

"It's all about intent, anything is possible."

"How did you balance it all? School, earning money?"

"I only needed to earn enough money to pay for school. I used the money I could get from Mother, when she was around, to pay for our rent, utilities, food, you know the necessities. It wasn't stealing. She was supposed to take care of us, of me. I was looking out for her just as much. She would have spent it all on clothes, shoes, cigarettes, and booze otherwise."

"I'm not accusing you."

"I made it work. I borrowed books from the library to save on buying them. I will forever be grateful to my magic as it protected me from getting arrested or caught with people. It took a bit, but eventually I got paid what I wanted and worked less. By the time I finished high school and started working at the betting shop, I only had a couple of clients a month and mostly on select weekends. I continued to stay in the house in Brixton to save money. Why give up a free place to live? I didn't have anywhere else to go. Plus I was underage until recently."

"And your involvement with the communities?"

"It was like a giant experiment. Watching her enthrall all those unfortunate people, like those psychic hotlines that everyone knows is a scam. I watched and learned. She taught me how to manipulate, lie, flirt, things that have come in handy. I learned how to recognize lonely, desperate people." I stare at him wondering if I was a target. A victim. He continues after a slight pause. "She knows how to talk, soothe worries, make promises and they feel indebted. They promise favors just to continue being in her presence. I learned from the real Moselantja. How to get what I want. How to hide my own scales and yellow eyes."

"But I've seen you help."

"I stepped in as much as I could, giving actual homeopathic remedies to people, giving them common sense advice. But at the end of the day, they chose to believe her. It's like watching a car crash at times, horrible but you can't take your eyes off."

"If you think it's all a con, why study religion at Bristol?"

"I was trying to find others like me. The more I was exposed to the higher the chance that I would find someone like me. We met. Look where that led me," he gestures to the alley, "it worked as I hoped. Also, I don't think religion is a con, people are. Mother is like the devil in the Christian mythos. A beauty that leads you down the wrong path. The thing is, she buys into it as well. Believes everything she told them. At least she didn't sell them lies. If I can't go on the straight and narrow, I can go into the cult business. I can use what I'm studying to create my own religion. Get a bunch of followers to worship me and give me all their money. I can smile and make promises that I may never fulfill."

"Do you think you'll ever see her again?"

"Not if I can help it. I haven't seen her for months. Soon she'll forget all about me. Like a faint memory you can't grasp no matter how much you try. All thanks to my magic. It has granted me peace."

"Where did you meet those people? I can't imagine you taking them back to your room in Brixton?"

"At school, cafes, bars. We'd go to parks, in their cars, their homes, hotels. Depended on their kink. I'm sure I would have been arrested if it weren't for my magic and the spying snakes."

"Why limit yourself with it? You seem to be able to do anything with magic."

"Well, I can't make food, that was disappointing to learn. But I could make clothes last longer and also change them so I never needed a lot. That's handy in the winter. Mostly, I didn't want to jinx it. What if I was caught? There are cameras in so many places. I rather struggle than risk my freedom. I didn't know there were others. I can use magic freely now."

"You would have made a great Slytherin."

"You would have given me detention for life."

"Why?"

"I would have tried to seduce you."

"What?"

"You're fit. Your voice is liquid sex. I could not imagine going through puberty, having to sit in your class, listen to your voice without being constantly hard."

"You're delusional."

"No, I'm illusional!" he said with a laugh and pushed away from the wall. He started walking down the street again with the flow of the crowd ending the privacy charm. "Get it, because no one can see me!"

"Yes, I got that."

"I like being a mirage."

"You're an oasis."

Isaiah stopped walking this time which caused some grumbling in the crowded street. He turned towards Severus and snogged him right in front of the Magical Menagerie. "You're so sweet to me," he said when he pulled back.

"I'm never going to live this down," Severus replied but his words didn't have any bite.

"What?"

Severus looked around and with his chin pointed out the gawkers. "Old students, current students. This will spread like wildfire."

"Sorry," but he really wasn't. "Does this mean I can hold your hand in public here."

"If you must."

"And people won't freak out that we're both men."

"No, they'll freak out because it's me, the dungeon bat of Slytherin."

"Cool," he kissed Severus quickly and intertwined their fingers.