Somehow on their meandering journey they found their destination; truly a miracle in that Guts had no real strategy on finding the place other than vague land marks, and intuition. Puck was of some help, but even with him it wasn't much more than guess work.
"You're walking faster, does that mean we're closer?" Casca asked.
"What?" Guts asked obviously broken out of thoughts, "Sorry." He slowed down.
"Well, thanks, but this is familiar land, right?"
"Yeah. I'm pretty sure."
"We're almost there?!" Isidro exclaimed, obviously eavesdropping.
"I didn't-" Guts started to say, but Isidro was already off. "Whatever."
"Are we almost there?" Farnese asked hesitantly.
"Maybe."
Soon enough though Isidro was running back full sprint.
"What is it now." Cacsa said under her breath.
"WE GOt SOme COmPany." Isidro shouted while running.
Behind him were a gang of trolls with their grotesque faces and scraggly hair. In a flash all of their weapons were drawn and ready, Guts taking point. Casca adjusted her grip on Chrysaor.
"Duck." Guts warned, and cut the troll that was leaping at Isidro in half. Isidro heeded the warning, dodging low. The other three continued their charge forward, mouths agape at the sight of women. With another swing of the Dragon Slayer, two more of the monster were dead or dying and the last one tried to swipe at Casca. Casca prepared a stab, but was pulled out the way by Guts who fired his arm cannon. The blast exploded the things head, sending troll chunks flying.
"Why'd you do that?" Casca asked angrily, pushing his arm from around her. "I had that." She addressed her clothes, "And now we have to do more landry."
Guts didn't even try to be sorry, already looking for more threats. Realizing how tight he was holding her, he loosened his grip slightly but still didn't let her go.
"Guts." She warned, and slipped out of his hold.
"Were those all of them?" Schierke asked Isidro.
"I- Probably." He said, catching his breath. "They were all sleeping in a pile and I just ran into them, I-"
"I'll go check." Guts said and walked purposely forward.
"Casca are you okay." Farnese asked.
"I'm fine." Casca said, brushing her off. They had always been protective, but now that she was with child Casca was especially sensitive to it. It was partially irrational and she knew it, she more than anyone wanted to keep her child safe, but in her friends (and Guts) protection of her they treated her like a child.
A short while later Guts came back covered in blood.
"There were more." Serpico confirmed.
"Yeah." Guts said, "A couple more."
The group continued their journey forward. The woods were starting to thin out, hopefully the promise of civilization.
"I think this is a trail." Casca said, observing the overgrown, but becoming more clear path between the trees. "I- this all feels familiar for some reason."
"Maybe this is the way you ran away." Puck said thoughtlessly. "Although it seems weird you would stick to a trail when you were like that."
The thought of her regressed state yet again filled Casca with some mix of negative emotions, the one in forefront being shame. Even though she knew it wasn't her fault, she couldn't help but blame herself. It also made her think of Guts and the pain they both endured at the hands of the other.
Guts seemingly absent mindedly swatted at a Puck.
"I think we're close." Guts said.
They came upon the remence of a fence, stone, and broken. And beyond that the frame of a house, burnt almost beyond recognition.
"This couldn't be-" Farnese started, but it was soon obvious it was.
"There could still be weapons and armor in the rubble." Guts said, "I don't think we need any but-" he stopped as his eye fell on a lone grave mark.
There was a hammer near it, placed purposefully. It was old, a couple years at least.
"Godo." Schierke read aloud, "Was he the one who-"
"That's where." Casca said suddenly, eyes locked on the mountain of rocks behind the property, "That's where I- you-" it suddenly became almost too much for her to take. She hated that place. She hated the cold iron bars and dank walls. She hated-
"It was destroyed." Guts said stoically.
Regaining control, Casca took a breath. It didn't exist anymore. And it was safe. It didn't hurt her.
"Wait so where's Rickert?" Isidro asked, "He can't still be here?"
"I don't sense the spirit of a battle taking place here." Schierke supplied. "Well, not recently. So this probably happened after he left."
"They left." Guts said, "There was a little girl too."
"It's going to be dark soon." Serpico observed. While in the forest it was hard to tell the time of day sometimes because of how the trees obscured the sun; in the clearing they could the see the sun becoming low in the sky. "We should set up fortifications before night."
Everyone agreed and set to their tasks, leaving the non magic users and cooks (and cook's assistant) to explore the former forge.
…
After sitting and watching the forest for awhile, Guts found himself wandering over to Godo's grave. It had caught him off guard, since in his mind Godo was still alive and the forge and mountain still existed, but here in reality…
Casca made her way to stand beside him, not saying anything in quiet contemplation.
"I'm sorry." Guts finally said.
"What for?"
"For Rickert not being here."
"That's not your fault."
"I know."
They were quiet for a moment.
"Before it gets dark," Casca started, "Could you show me the memorial Rickert made?"
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"Yes. I'm sure."
Guts glanced backwards at Isidro carrying kindling back to where Serpico was starting a fire. Casca followed his gaze.
"I'm sure the other will want to see it too, but- I just need some time."
"I understand." Guts said, "I just- it was hard for me and-"
"What are you trying to say?" Casca cut him off.
He met her eyes and said simply, "It's gonna be hard."
…
After briefly informing the group where they were going, Guts and Casca headed to the Hill of Swords. Casca trembled. Guts was walking in front of her, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. There were things pushing to the surface, things she hadn't wanted to think about. She needed more time, she needed-
Too soon they were at the hill. The swords were weathered now, rusty and a few were overturned, but it was still a sight. The dying sun caught the metal despite that, lighting up the hill.
Casca walked a few steps into the memorial, eyes wide. She swallowed and felt her eyes grew warm as tears gathered. She knew it would be bad, but this- She almost couldn't-
She fell to her knees on the hill, Guts rushing to her side.
"Casca!" He exclaimed in worry, holding her arm gently, "Are you…" One look at her face told him everything he needed to know. Physically she was fine, but mentally… It was hard. He averted his eye, "You can cry if you need to."
Those words awakened a memory buried deep. A memory of a jack of all trades near to her heart. And it broke the dam on her tears. Silently tears started to fall down her cheeks, and it was all she could do to keep her eyes fixed on the swords, on the Band of the Hawk, that was the least she could do, she owed them that much to honor them. And then the real crying started, small whimpers at first, then chest heaving sobs that shook her whole frame. It hurt, it hurt so badly.
The gravity was hitting her with a realness it never had before. The Band of the Hawk was dead. Rickert was possibly dead. There was a good chance everyone she knew in that life so long ago, save Guts and Griffith, were dead. What was the point?
Suddenly a she felt something, something deep in her gut, not much, just a flutter. It reminded her of the point of her life now. A baby, her child, it needed her.
But what kind of life could she give it, in this world that was so cruel?
After calming down a little, she managed, "Guts- I- I need you to promise me something."
"Hmm?"
"You need to protect this baby with everything you have."
"Of course."
"No." Casca insisted, "You need to protect it, from everything."
"I- I will." Guts said. "I will protect you both."
Satisfied with his answer, Casca found her mind falling back to the Band of the Hawk.
"I thought I might be able to lead them out of that." She said quietly. "But when the- when those things showed up I knew- I knew we'd wandered straight into hell. I tried- I tried so hard." She dissolved back into sobs. Guts drew her closer.
"I was so focused on getting to Griffith I didn't-" Guts murmured, "I didn't think of anyone else, or what was going on. I didn't protect you or anyone."
"I tried to fight- but I wasn't strong enough. They just kept saving me, even though I was worthless, Pippin, Jeaudo-"
"I found Gaston. He was alive, but- not for long he- and that was right before- right before I saw Pippin, and then-"
"How could he. How dare he." Casca started in a low growl, "How do you sacrifice those who love you, why would you-" She was talking about Griffith now. "He's going to die. For the Band of the Hawk." She hissed, "God, I miss them."
"I tried- I tried, but it's never enough."
"I failed them as their commander." Casca let out a sob, "Why?"
And that 'why' summed up the woes of Casca. Why didn't she do more? Why did they try to protect her? Why did Griffith sacrifice them? Why did he rape her? Why was the world so cruel? Why did they have to keep struggling? Why was Guts so- so- the way he was? Why? Why? Why?!
Eventually Guts helped her up as the sun was skimming the horizon. There were traces of tears on his face that he roughly wiped away. This was hard for him too. Casca was still a blubbering mess, but tried to pull herself together. She sniffed and wiped her eyes, too tired to be embarrassed of her emotional state. Standing up was harder than she thought it would be and was thankful for Guts' support.
"You should eat something." Guts told her gently.
She nodded, sending one look back at the Hill of Swords. Fixing her resolve, Casca turned forward and they started the walk back to the camp. Silent tears still rolled down her cheeks, until eventually they stopped too. Her eyes were probably still bloodshot, and her voice thick, but nobody mentioned anything. They ate dinner and went to bed.
That night Casca dreamed of a simpler time, where she was the second in command of the Hawks, and Rickert was just a kid, and Corkus was a pain in the neck, and Pippin was quiet and kind, and Jeaudo was there when she needed him, and Guts was her rival, and Griffith, well, Griffith had this impossible dream that they were all going to be apart of.