things worth dying

by springleopard

Ever since third year, we've planned to get a flat together. I don't think any of us ever really thought about life after Hogwarts before that. Well - we'd thought about it, of course. But not as something that would happen to us. That June, we finally realized.

7. 7: Sirius

Sirius

Crap, Moony looks hurt.

I guess I got a bit carried away. All my words, they're only making things worse. I know it. But I don't know how to say the right words instead. I open my mouth, and this is what comes out.

Normally Moony helps me calm down,. But that's not an option right now.

I don't know how to say the right words. I try to imagine myself as someone calm, someone levelheaded. Someone good. I try to imagine myself as Moony.

But I'm not Moony. I'm not calm. And the words don't stick.

All of my words are poison. But I can at least stop talking.

"Sorry, gotta go." I force out, and hop down from the tree.

I jog off across the grass, unsure where I'm headed.

Somewhere they won't come after me. That's important. I can bite back the words for a while, but it takes effort. If they come after me, sooner or later I'm going to end up shouting again.

Somewhere I can calm down…

Oh! I'm not good at calming down, but Padfoot is. Padfoot doesn't do grumpy. Happy? Excited? Playful? Padfoot excels at those.

I can't transform here; someone might see. But the forest will do.