"Chances" by Dia Frampton

The next two weeks were absolutely amazing. It was just like when Murphy and I had started hanging out together. We were always together, no matter where we were. It was like I had the old Murphy back. And I felt more like myself again. Connor was spending more time with Noah, which bothered Murphy a bit. They were usually together all the time. But now it seemed like they were keeping things from Murphy.

And then I started noticing the hushed whispers that would stop whenever I'd come in earshot. It was starting to make me paranoid. On the one rare instance that I had been left alone in the apartment, I had torn it apart trying to find their stash of guns. But I didn't find anything and I gave up eventually. I'd just have to trust that it wasn't that stuff again.

Murphy interrupted my thoughts, kissing me deeply. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. Connor had just left to visit Noah again, leaving Murphy and I alone. Clearly, he liked the idea of being alone with me.

He picked me up off of the couch, not breaking away from me. It wasn't long before we both had our clothes off. Murphy left a trail of kisses from my mouth, down my neck, and then down my body before settling between my legs. He always made sure that I was satisfied. It had been one of the first things I had loved about him. Sex wasn't just all about him.

Murphy and I were laying in bed, lounging, when Connor came back. I wasn't fully dressed, but I was wearing a t-shirt and underwear. That seemed to be good enough for him because he didn't comment on it at all. He laid on his bed, smoking.

"You okay, Connor?" I asked after a few minutes of silence. Murphy also looked concerned.

"I was jus' thinkin'," he said after a drag on his cigarette. He exhaled. "What if we all go to Germany?"

I gave a startled look to him before looking at Murphy. Sitting up, and putting my hair back in a bun, I frowned. "I had assumed that you and Noah would be going over with us. There are freights over on the docks that go to most of Europe. It wouldn't be hard to get into there on one."

"Ye did?" Connor asked, perking up slightly. "Ye don't want Murph all to yeself?"

"I don't think I have to worry about that," I laughed, touching Murphy's hand affectionately. "It'll be like a new beginning for all of us. I bet you'd like German girls."

"That is a very tempting offer," he laughed. He got serious again. "We might stay here a little bit after ye both head over." Murphy tensed, his expression darkening slightly.

"The hell ye are," he said angrily. "We discussed all o' that."

Connor sighed. "He's gonna get off, we cannae let him do that."

"I can't let ye do it alone."

"Da's gonna help." Murphy was starting to lose his temper.

"Hey!" I said angrily. "No. Absolutely not. Haven't you done enough?"

"Aye, that's why Murphy is to go with you to Germany," Connor agreed.

"I won't do it without ye," Murphy said stubbornly. I felt my entire body go stiff. I pulled away from Murphy, standing up and going into the kitchen to find something to clean. "Now look what ye went and done!"

"I didnae do that, ye did!"

And then there was a scuffle between them. I was so furious. Moving for me wasn't enough? A family murder escapade was necessary beforehand? I walked around them, pulled on my jeans and socks, slipped on a pair of shoes I didn't have to lace, and left. I didn't even bother to grab my wallet or anything important.

I just quietly fumed as I walked to Tyler's house, hoping he was home since I didn't have my cellphone to check. Thankfully, he was. He answered the door with a very confused face, allowing me to just push by him and into the living room. I took off my shoes angrily, going right into his kitchen to clean the inevitable pile of dishes that's almost always there.

Tyler stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching me scrub things. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just furious and I needed to clean something and I know I can always clean something here. So I'm here."

Tyler scratched the back of his head, trying to decide how best to talk to me. "I see that. What caused this cleaning spree?"

"Men are dumb. They can't make up their minds for more than two weeks at a time. But god forbid if you go anywhere or do anything remotely unaligned with whatever they want. Then it's all your fault. But they're allowed to just suddenly go all 'I don't want to move to Germany with you because it's pointless without my brother.'"

I angrily threw the sponge into the sink. Tyler came over, gently grabbing my hands, and then pulling me against him so that he could both soothe me and prevent me from angrily breaking something and hurting myself.

"It's not fair," I murmured into his chest. He sighed.

"No, it's not." He pulled away, looking me in the face. "I don't want to make you any more angry than you already are. But," he hesitated as he tried to work out how to phrase what he was about to say. "Maybe this is a sign that you shouldn't try so hard to make this work. It shouldn't be this hard. You're going to go to Germany in two weeks. Two weeks. If he's going back and forth on it, maybe it's better he doesn't go with you."

I was quiet for a few minutes, looking down in disappointment. "I know."

"And I know you won't tell me, because I think you're trying to protect him more than he's protecting you, but they had something to do with Aidan, didn't they? Rocco just didn't end up dead there for no reason."

I stiffened. Tyler really is smarter than he lets on.

"I thought so. Did he get jealous and-"

"I shot him," I shook my head. "I killed Aidan. Murphy and Connor didn't have anything to do with that." Tyler was shocked, studying my face to determine if I was lying.

"He kidnapped me and Rocco found out," my voice caught in the back of my throat. It felt like I was seeing his dead body for the first time all over again. I closed my eyes, trying to shut it out. Tyler pulled me closer to him as I started crying.

Once I had calmed down a bit we sat in the living room on the couch and I told Tyler what had happened; though I left out the part about the boys and Smecker. Tyler was quiet through all of it, letting the details wash over him so that he didn't miss any of it.

"That's not what I was expecting," he said after I had finished recounting the details. I sighed, pulling my knees up to my chest and staring at the box of tissues on his coffee table. Maybe if I stared hard enough, the answer to the universe would show up there. "Does Murphy know all of this?"

"A bit, not as much about how I'm not dealing with it."

Tyler ran his hands through his hair with a sigh. "I think you need to actually talk to him. Just him. Not Connor. You don't exactly share how you're feeling with people. Maybe he thinks you're fine and that Connor still needs him. Or that he still needs Connor. He might not know how much you need him right now."

As much as I hate to admit it, Tyler is right. I'm probably overreacting. I squeezed Tyler's hand with a nod. He pulled me to my feet.

"Come on, I'll walk you back. And I'll take Connor out of the equation for you so that you can just talk to Murphy."

I hugged Tyler gratefully, wishing that he had actually been born as my brother. I'm going to miss him terribly. If he doesn't find a job after his semester finishes, maybe I'll try to get him a job with me.