Reuploading cause the first 5 chapters needed some changes to make sense later!
Chapter 3: To Grow a Forest, One Needs to Plant a SeedYamato was having a great day. Not just good, but great. The sun smiled down on him, the flowers waved hello, Orochimaru was out of his head gear for the day. The sannin had come into town for 'research.' He clearly borrowed that one from the late toad sage. When they arrived into the heart of the village, where the central market bisected Hospital Road, Tsunade appeared with two bottles of tequila tucked underneath her arms and another two in her hands.
"Cuatro cervezas, Orochi!" she greeted, then whispering louder than she would have if she were sober, "You got the goods?"
"Those aren't beers, Tsunade." the long haired man replied.
He took 2 bottles from her and shoved them into his tote. Then, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of light yellow powder. Crystalline but oily in its medium, Yamato tensed. His muscles pulled taut against the heavy fabric of his flak jacket but a tattooed arm stopped him from lunging.
The ANBU signed, 'Not poison.'
He looked at the masked ninja quizzically. Another ANBU, perched beside the first on the same branch signed an explanation.
'Hangover cure. One dose while drinking, one in the morning.'
Wow. This explained why Tsunade had been so insistent in checking up on Orochimaru's research notes over the last couple of months. Yamato thought the snake sannin was up to no good again - International drug ring, anyone? But no, just hangover cures for two old biddy-biddys.
'Captain. Off duty. We have ten ANBU with Tsunade-sama.' the ANBU signed and Yamato nodded. Free vacation, he'd be an idiot to stick around any longer. He took a look at the rest of the Team. There were 2 rookies but the rest were senior staff. They could do without him.
'Cat off too?' he signed and they nodded.
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There was a flare of chakra outside on her porch before the knock at the door. It was standard ANBU procedure; it was never wise to sneak up on ninja. Yugao appreciated the sentiment, Yamato was considerate, unlike her previous captain. Kakashi used to just pop in through her window and trade his blunt and dirty kunai for her freshly cleaned and sharpened ones back when she worked for him. Heat creeped under her skin just from thinking about it. He was a good captain, took care of them, minimized harm for the team, but his social skills were lacking.
She complained about this to Ibiki one time and both men told her that sensory type ninja shouldn't need the warning flare to know someone else was on scene. Hayate had thrown a fit that time, accentuated with coughs and dark circles so Ibiki wrote up the Copy Ninja for breaking and entering. Which, in a ninja village, was equivalent to a parking ticket on private property. You couldn't even chase them down for the money. But her boyfriend had coughed onto Kakashi's mask and that look of horror and disgust was oh so satisfying.
"Captain," she said as she stepped to the side of her doorway, giving Yamato enough room to squeeze past.
He toed off his sandals, making sure not to move anything out of place and sat at the table. ANBU were peculiar about the peculiars. Strange folk, Yamato was always a bit on the odds with the rest of them, but the purple haired ninja was more normal than the rest so they got along well.
"Earl grey with lemon?"
Yamato chuckled, "Yes, of course. You know me so well."
"Like the back of my hand."
"I think that's senpai's territory."
The two locked eyes and in the comfort of the home, away from their fellow nin, the two ANBU dissolved into a fit of giggles.
Yugao snorted, spilling the sugar on the counter, "It was his fault! I mean, who does that?"
"I still can't believe he fucking - oh my god!" Yamato coughed hard into his hand, still snickering.
"And he called it - "
"It was just a kancho!"
"Like is he twelve?! Gods-"
"Thousand Years of Death, my ass!"
"Not your ass - "
"Poor Hayate!"
Yamato sombered up, laughter disappearing from the lines on his face. He held up his teacup to Yugao and nodded, "To Hayate, an amazing ninja and a good friend."
She mirrored the action and said, "To Hayate, the best boyfriend I've ever had. And to Kakashi, may my slap echo into his future generations."
And with that both adults began their laughter again.
Sometime later but not yet evening, when the tea set had been put away and both were pigging out on a bag of chips flavoured with spices from Suna, Yamato ventured onto nervous territory. He hoped his friend wouldn't take this the wrong way.
"Seriously though, how long has it been since your last relationship? Not that you need a man or anything. You're the most independent and strong women I know." he tacked on the last part quickly.
"What about Tsunade? Or Kurenai?" she responded.
He shrugged, "You're deflecting."
"I've been on a couple of dates here and there, but it's just not the same. I don't think I'll be able to find that spark you know? With Hayate, it was like I saw him and there was lightning in a bottle."
She shook her head, "I don't know Yamato. It's just hard. And I don't cry over him anymore, but sometimes, I think about him and… maybe I won't be able to ever stop grieving."
"The chances of getting struck by lightning twice are very small. Almost impossible, but maybe it's different when you're as old as we are. Maybe love isn't fanfare and fireworks. Maybe it takes a bit more time, but it's probably just as lovely. I wouldn't know though." he said.
She regarded him like she knew something he didn't. Then she said, "I've got a date coming up. I don't know when, but the Hokage's assistants are supposed to send out the mail with a date and time soon."
"Is that another way of saying seduction mission or am I missing something?"
"Kind of? You know The List? Went public yesterday so I thought why not? I'm one hell of a kunoichi and Iruka's the best candidate in all for Fire Country for husband material."
"Iruka? The chunnin? I've been out of town. You know, with Orochimaru and all that. What's The List?"
"Yea, that's the one - the principal. Hyuuga Hiashi wants him to get married and have kids so he put out a mission request to the elders. I think he just wants to lock down more children to coddle. You've seen him with Boruto and Himawari right? Guy wasn't the best father and now he's overcompensating, I think."
"Oh man." Yamato groaned into his hands, rubbing chip grease onto his cheeks.
"What?"
Everything made sense now.
"Sai was asking me about Iruka the other day. I might be on The List. And dang, Hiashi, that old bat, went straight to the elders?" he gave a low whistle in memoriam of Iruka's free will.
Yugao paused, chip halfway in between painted lips, "And you're worried because I'm competition or because you don't want this?"
"I don't know if I'm interested in him. He's certainly not interested in me."
"Oh." then, "Why not? Anyway you can just decline the invitation when it comes."
"I can't decline it. If word gets out that I've declined a date with our much loved Iruka-sensei, our hokage will kill me. Hell, the village might kill me. I would like not be rasenganed to death, thank you very much."
She poked his arm, "But why aren't you interested? And why do you think he's not? Iruka's -" her voice lowered to a whisper like it was a secret although it clearly wasn't, not with The List spanning several scrolls, "Iruka-sensei's hot."
He swatted at her hands, "I know, and I'm boring. He's a cinnamon roll and I'm a bagel. I'm not even toasted much less with butter."
Yugao pulled back. So Yamato could be ANBU. The village called them the lost ones. Ibiki called them his soldiers. Kakashi didn't call them at all. Naruto was better, but he was young and didn't have it in him to understand. Yamato earned his respects, she thought. Everyone knew that. But seriously? A bagel? Untoasted? No butter? Come on now.
"Might I remind you that you're the only wood-style user in all of Konoha? You're practically related to the First, Second, and Tsunade. With that criteria, you're at least a PB and J if not a full chicken and waffles."
Yamato shrugged and poured the rest of the chip crumbs into his mouth, "Firstly, that's not how it works. Second, it doesn't matter, I'm don't going to be interested and set myself up for failure."
"But you're not interested for the wrong reasons." Then, "Is it because he's a guy?"
Yamato shrugged again. It didn't matter to him whether his future partner was male or female. They just had to have the right chemistry and they had to be a good person. Nothing flashy like Kakashi, but nothing too civilian like Ayame from the ramen shop. Just normal. A nice, normal ninja. They had to be ninja, to understand he wouldn't be home for extended periods, that sometimes he'd lie outside on the balcony all ripped up and blood down his lip waiting for his partner to take him in. Never to the hospital, that's where ninja went to die. There and in war.
He wouldn't date another ANBU, but jounin or chunin was good. Maybe a desk ninja. Those were safe. They didn't go out on dangerous missions and Yamato didn't have to worry about getting notifications in the middle of the night from the hawks.
Death Hawks, they called them. Birds with a scrap of paper attached to their leg with the words We regret to inform you that…. And that was how ninja found out about the deaths of their loved ones. A couple words scribbled on scrap paper because mission specifics were classified so you'd probably never know where, or how it happened. Couldn't even hunt down the bastards who done it. Not that it was their fault. They were on the other side, doing what their higher ups thought was right. Just war. It was the same with Leaf but wrong and right and thinking about it made Yamato's head hurt. This is why he couldn't be Commander. The pay increase wasn't worth the nightmares. At least as a Captain, he could distance, separate, compartmentalize what it meant to be ninja and what it meant to be Yamato. To feel Yamato, to live it.
It was late and even when he said goodnight to Yugao, even when he went to take watch over a drunk Orochimaru (who took Tsunade's bed while she passed out on the floor, mind you), the wood nin didn't quite realize who fit his ideal partner criterion.
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Earlier in the day:
Tsunade snickered into Orochimaru's sleeve, all the whilst using it to wipe her mouth, wet from tequila. He made her waterfall it. After all these years, he was still a germaphobe.
I don't want to touch anything your mouth has been on. He had said. She snorted and reminded him of that time. He told her he wished he could forget, but the hospital refused his petition for the memory wiping jutsu procedure.
He turned to her suddenly, "You wouldn't have had anything to do with that right?"
Tsunade blew a raspberry into his face, delighting in the droplets that sprayed onto pale skin and the narrowing of yellow eyes. She said, "You deserve it."
"Your Hokage asked me for something peculiar today." he said.
"Research?" she said, then reminded him, "He's your Hokage too."
Orochimaru took a sip out of his drink and his lips thinned more than was humanly possible at the way his counterpart took a swig from the bottle, alcohol running down her chin.
"In a way. He wants me to collaborate with you on something. I assume you know?"
"What? He asked you first? You?!" Of all things, of course the slug princess would pick that to hone in on.
"Tsunade."
Thin fingers pinched her chin and pulled her head up so that her honey eyes were millimeters from his. Their foreheads pressed against one another and Tsunade suppressed a shiver. Was Orochi always this cold? But in her current state, the most pressing question was still how his eyelashes were longer than hers. She felt rage and was assaulted with the need to plush his lashes off. Wipe off his makeup while she was at it. Let's see who looks younger then. Orochimaru knew what she was going to do and pulled away, but not before licking the tip of her nose - something she's always hated.
"Bastard!" the old lady shouted, her hands flying to wipe off saliva.
"He wanted to know if it were possible to combine the genes of two men to make a child."
Tsunade blinked at him owlishly, nose-lick momentarily forgotten.
"Why?"
"I don't know, but Sasuke asked me the same thing."
"Oh shit."
Shit.
Shit.
Shit!
Tsunade heaved, her breasts deflating as she breathed out. She was exhaling that hard. No, not Sakura. My God, Tsunade was going to kill him. Him and Sasuke both! Hell, she'd have to rush to get a piece of their flesh. Hiashi was going to want to kill them too. Iruka would probably give into a couple heavy punches before sorting them out. Naruto and Sasuke didn't deserve to be sorted out. FUCK, she was going to murder them.
Murder them dead.
Deader than dead.
What were they thinking? They were already married and settled with children! Couldn't they have fooled around 15 years prior?!
Orochimaru shifted to his left. Tsunade was emitting a deadly aura. His next words might make or break him. Sure, he could take her on, but defeating Tsunade while she was drunk seemed underhanded. He supposed he'd done worse - child experimentation, kidnapping, and murder topped his list. World domination remained somewhat noble in his books. Still, it wasn't right. If he wanted to hurt her, he would have done away with his childhood friend years ago when he found her old and wrinkly, about to pass, slugs abound. But he didn't. So he wouldn't.
"So are you interested in the research collaboration? I'm not particularly keen on fixing things that don't need fixing and Kabuto has a whole village of orphans up in the Northern sector of Konoha that are ready to be adopted…"
"FUCK NO." She grabbed his shoulders and dug her nails into the flesh like she was trenching out a ditch for bodies, "I'm going to kill them and you're going to help me."
"Who?"
"You're my ride or die, Orochi. Greater men have fallen before me. And those two are certainly lesser men."
"Who, Tsunade?"
"We have to start planning now. Use your brain, Orochimaru."
The snake sannin wanted to shrug off his ex-teammate's Grip of Death, but was sorely confused among the buzzing in his ears and the wetness down his back. Wait - why was his back wet? He looked behind him nervously to find rivets of blood dripping from where his skin met Tsunade's fingers. An ANBU poked their head in and nodded at him before sliding the door shut. No, you dumb fool! Get back in here. He tried to push at her elbows, they didn't budge and Tsunade looked sunburned by anger. He sighed. This was so undignified.
Then he headbutted her.
She released him, stupefied.
"Who are we talking about? I'll help, but no more ANBU in my lair. And fix my back, idiot princess."
"Those two idiots, that's who! Naruto and Sasuke! Who the fuck do they think they are? That damned eye-bastard, I'm going to gift his entrails to Sakura! And why the hell do you call it a lair!"
Ah. It made sense now.
"Tsunade, I don't think that's the case. Sasuke said he was asking for a friend."
"You idiot! That's what men always say! Remember when Jiraiya asked me about cup sizes? He said he was asking for you."
"I would never -"
"EXACTLY."
"Tsunade."
"And now they want little Uchiha-Uzumaki babies?"
"Tsunade."
"Not if I can help it!"
"Tsunade!"
"No way, Jose. Sorry Minato, but I've got to do the right thing."
"TSUNADE."
"WHAT?" she hollered in his face.
"Are you seriously thinking of assassinating the Hokage and his shadow over pure suspicion?"
"Well when you say it that way…" her shoulders slumped down.
"You need proof!"
She perked up, "That's right. Tomorrow. We gather proof tomorrow."
And Orochimaru nodded. He was going to have fun with this, but not too much fun. Naruto was a forgiving man, but age made him less gullible.
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Raidou smacked Genma over the head for the upteenth time. That damn bandana brat was snickering at The List again. Raidou knew what he wanted. A betting ring, like Iruka's life was something to be bet on for shits and giggles. The vein on his forehead pulsed as Genma started the Couples Map. The Couples Map was straight out from the telly. The 2 jounin had recently finished a marathon on cop shows. There were no cops in Konoha, certainly not after the Uchiha incident, and until recently, there wasn't any cable. Nowadays, ninja had both the internet and TV.
Sprawled in front of Raidou was a bulletin board with names and strings attached to each one. It was a web and all the strings pointed inwards towards one name: Umino Iruka. There was a photo, three actually, of the tanned man. A picture of him in his youth, paler, wearing mesh under a loose white t-shirt. Another was him in his principal's uniform, eyes still as bright as the first picture, most likely taken from the beginning of the school year assembly. Raidou's finger stopped above the last one. His mouth hung agape.
"That's a lovely photo isn't it?" Genma leered over Raidou's shoulder.
The scarred jounin ripped the photo off the tack and spun to face the shorter man.
"Where'd you get this? Iruka's going to kill us." Raidou hissed.
"It'll be good marketing."
"He's going to kill us." his hands began gesturing, one finger running across both their necks, "Like kill us, kill us. Kill us dead if this photo gets out."
The senbon danced around in his mouth and Genma said, "I wasn't aware that killing could not involve death. And, you took that line from Tsunade."
Raidou shook him, half hoping that the other would choke on his senbon. The photo needed to be destroyed. Burned. Desecrated. Chidori'd twice and pissed on by Kakashi's ninken. He shuddered, if the Academy's principal ever found them having this photo in their possession, he didn't want to think about it. Iruka was one hell of a ninja.
Still, he fingered the edge of the slightly yellowing photograph, not quite wanting to erase it from the face of this earth. It was a nice photo. More than nice actually. Those doe eyes looking up, watery and round. Rosy cheeks and parted lips. Adorable. He couldn't do it. Raidou pocketed the picture away despite Genma's protests. The senbon user definitely had photocopies. Well, as long as he didn't start selling them on the black market.
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Iruka wasn't sure how to deal with the man in his office. The masked ninja had been pacing, then lounged over each of the couches, but according to him, they were either too hard or too soft, and Iruka wasn't in the mood to be playing house with Hatake Goldilocks. Finally, he threw his hands up.
He said, "Hatake! What do you want?"
"You!" Kakashi cheerfully replied, "I want you!"
Iruka stared at him and counted to ten. When that didn't work, he tried reciting the alphabet. When that didn't work, he smacked Kakashi on the back of his head.
"Be serious! What do you want from me?"
What did Kakashi want from Iruka? He wanted a lot of things. He wanted to be held, to be welcomed, to take up space in Iruka's heart that could never be replaced. He wanted to carve out a little, no, a big hole all for himself, something that not even Naruto could weasel into. But he wanted Iruka to give him these things willingly, not when he'd asked for them, because the teacher would probably do that. If it meant helping Kakashi, he'd give an arm or a leg, a kidney or a liver. Maybe even his eyes. Kakashi frowned, he didn't want Iruka to love him out of obligation. He wanted their love to come about naturally.
"I wanted to know if you were gay." he finally said and promptly whipped out his orange book as a shield.
Strangely enough, the blows never came. He peered above the pages and Iruka looked as if he were deep in thought.
"I… I'm not sure," said Iruka, "I've never thought about it. Ninja don't live very long, so I just thought, what comes will. Anyway, this sort of questioning is for young people. I'm much too old to be exploring now, eh?" he gave him a small smile but his eyes looked sad.
Kakashi didn't want to make Iruka sad. Pocketing his book, he reached out and pulled the brunette's cheeks into a large grin. Iruka felt warm, his face heating up beneath Kakashi's palms. A blush dusted over that kissable scar and Kakashi pulled close enough to smell chalk and the scent of fresh baked cookies.
"Sorry." he said as he dropped his hands and stepped back.
"Were you trying to make me smile? It's alright Kakashi. You can ask about these things, it's not rude. You wouldn't have known otherwise." he was using his teacher tone.
Kakashi was used to the teacher voice. Iruka used it often with him, less so than before. He used it a lot when Kakashi was Rokudaime especially when he had to be taught the specifics on paperwork and on the traditions of ambassadorial meetings. He wanted to use the Sharingan to copy it all, but Iruka had protested against it vehemently. Every situation is different, just like how every fight is different. What the other person does will cause a reaction from us and so on and so forth. As Hokage, you need to know how to react correctly, not just by the book because nothing's by the book in politics. You've got to learn this on your own. He learned quickly, not because he was a genius, but because Iruka was a good teacher. He made it fun and in turn, Kakashi became even more besotted than before.
He loved him and sought after him like how flowers grew in the direction of the sun. He could feel it in his fingertips, Iruka's warmth always reached him, but it was a one way street. Kakashi wanted to give, to hold, to share. He didn't know if he would be enough.
They began simply, when they were just boys. It seemed like everything began and ended when he was just a boy. There was Minato-sensei and Obito. Rin, because he couldn't bear to lose her, but he lost her anyway. The boy at the vegetable stall who now ran the place with his wife and two kids. Only Iruka lasted. It was weird. Kakashi was always a peculiar case. He wasn't sure why everything passed over him, left him behind even when it seemed like he was leaving them behind. It was like there was a string attached to his core, jerking him forward away from his peers. At the same time, there was Iruka, strong and dependable, like fertile soil. Lightning always comes back to earth. Unknowing to him, Iruka kept Kakashi grounded.
He thought Iruka attractive the first time he met him. He was a child then, but Kakashi had no time for crushes and beautiful boys playing in the river bank. Iruka saved him. It was after Rin's death and the images of his hand through her chest, her heart cauterized to nothing, and the maddening chirping of birds haunted him.
He was nothing.
A pre-teen holding his father's blade, flat edge to the sky, sharp edge to his belly. But then Iruka appeared, all snotty and covered in dirt. He kicked a pebble into the water and ended up hitting his foot against the rock behind it. He yelped and clutched his toes. It was cute, really. Cute, even with the tanto pressing a thin red line into his skin. Cute and funny and completely alive. Iruka was like a young child's colouring book - the shades of the rainbow spilling out of the line.
Kakashi put away the blade and hopped down to check if the foot was broken. It wasn't. Iruka thanked him and asked for his name and told him his sword was cool. Kakashi found the whole thing ironic. Because Kakashi was a backwards boy who read Icha Icha from the end to the beginning, who ran before he learned to walk, who was a soldier before a child, he kissed Iruka before knowing his name. He tasted like seawater, warm and wet and salty, and had he not been his paradise boy, the taste would have reminded Kakashi of less pleasant things. They had stood in shocked silence before Kakashi felt all too much and ran away. He didn't see him until years later when the newly admitted academy teacher stole a spot on his favourite bench hung up by his feelings regarding Naruto and the fox.
Iruka continued to be just as lovely as when he first saw him. Maybe even more as Kakashi grew to appreciate him in a never-ending ladder of affection. Nowadays, he dreamed about Iruka, about domesticity and a quiet life. Sakura and Sarada would come over and they would all bake together. It would be just the right amount of noise in the house. And some days Boruto and Himawari would hang out and Iruka's laughter would light up even the darkest corners in the Hatake compound. It would be loud, but comforting.
He sometimes had nightmares about the principal. Wake up with his mouth open but no screams would come out of trained lungs - always silence silence silence. His sheets would be drenched and Mr. Ukki and the moon stared him in the eye. In those dreams, he'd be too late. A hair's breadth away from Mizuki or Pein. Just a second too late, watching the key to his happiness slip away from his fingers, blooming poppies on his body before the man rolled his head, glassy eyes looking up - burning two holes where Kakashi's eyes were, because he didn't deserve them, not Obito's twice over, not even his parents'.
Kakashi straightened up suddenly, his lean form running from his regular slouched posture. His hands were still outstretched in front of him and he jammed them into his pants' pockets.
"I have to go." He announced and disappeared into a swirl of leaves.
Iruka scratched the side of his nose, confused at what just happened. But Kakashi was Kakashi and their Rokudaime was a weird one. He often reminded Iruka of the child at the back of the room, the only one who didn't get chocolates on Valentine's Day. The ones who tried with wild daisies picked from the roadside, wilted from holding them too tightly. And Iruka would thank the little one for the flowers anyway and show them how to take care of the flowers, how to pot and seed and sow a garden. He was a teacher in every sense of the word and he'd fight to keep his kids safe. Iruka chuckled and found his fingers pressed to his lips. This wouldn't be the first time Kakashi ran away from him.
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"Kakashi-sensei, you did not mess up." Sakura said again, setting out yet another plate of cold cut sandwiches. She found herself making more of these recently, after Konohamaru decided that the team can't be imposing on the Hokage's home as much anymore. Moegi accused the mission desk ninja of nepotism when her team got another D-rank while Konohamaru's had their first C. Hinata was much better at playing hostess.
"What if he hates me? I shouldn't have asked." the silver haired man groaned into the table.
"Oh come on. Iruka-sensei said you could ask. Besides, I don't think Iruka-sensei would be able to hate anyone."
Kakashi looked up from his position, "Yea, but I'm a ninja. I was the Hokage, I should have done reconnaissance. Sakura, that's my specialty!"
His one eye peered at her pitifully, slightly watery around the edges. He had crow's feet at times like this, his fountain of youth running dry from romantic pressure. Sakura ran her hand through his hair, mentally noting to ask Sarada to bring over some conditioner for her favourite Kaka-jii. She pressed his face back down onto the table. It was easier to speak to him this way.
"What's done is done and it's not even that big of a deal. Your second step is to woo him, before the dates get sorted and Shikamaru mails out the invitations." she said.
"I have to see mini-Gai first." he mumbled, her hand still holding his face flat onto the wooden surface.
"Lee?" she asked.
He nodded, "He's got a nice family, doesn't he?"
Sakura pulled his face back up, ignoring the man's painful protests. Why were all her boys so whiny? Sakura-chan, Sasuke's being mean to me and I'm the Hokage! Sakura, Naruto's an idiot, I can't believe he's my boss. Sakura, I'm going to lose my haiiiiiiiir.
"But why Lee? You've got Naruto and I to model house after," she paused, "Well, Sasuke's absent most of the time, but Hinata and Naruto's got that picket fence stuff going on."
"4 generations of healthy relationships and the most recognizable family haircut in Konoha, Sakura."
She thought about it for a moment then sat down and nodded, "Mind if I join?"
And that was how they arrived at the Might-Lee Manor, voted as Homeowner's Best for the past 6 years. Sakura rushed Kakashi onto the porch, away from where Gai was practising balance on the water over by the decorative pond. His wheelchair glowed blue with chakra; he didn't see them and both student and pupil breathed a collective sigh of relief.
The young boy behind the door looked at them thoughtfully.
"Metal-kun, could you let us in? We're here to talk to Lee." Sakura asked.
He murmured something that sounded like "challenge", ogling Kakashi. If he concentrated any harder, the man thought his eyes would pop out.
"Come again?" Sakura said.
Metal Lee flushed red and bellowed, "I CHALLENGE YOU ROKUDAIME!"
"My Eternal Rival, so Kind and Thoughtful of you to join uson this Sunny and Brilliant Day!"
Fuck, they had attracted entire family.
"I see you have met my Youthful God-Grandson, Metal Lee. And how Hip and Cool of you to indulge him in such a Dazzling and Prime Activity! I shall be your equally Hip Referee for the Challenge or I will roll 500 laps around our Noble and Beloved Konoha!"
Kakashi gripped onto Sakura's arm, one eye pleading. She gripped back, two eyes begging him to do something. She could smash the house and they could bolt, but she didn't have the money for the reparations. Maybe Kakashi-sensei could foot it? She wiggled her eyebrows at him, hoping the silver haired nin would understand. That damn bastard was hiding behind his book! Inner Sakura flared up. Screw the Rokudaime. She'd rig him up by his toenails and display him as the hospital's new centerpiece. She tightened her grip on his arm, about to fling him to Sand country when a scroll smacked Kakashi in the face. Sakura stifled a giggle, this was too much like the first time she'd met him. Chalk dust matching his hair. Hopefully, there'd be more of that once Team 7 minus Sai and Yamato's plan went through.
"Kakashi-sama! Don't read that sort of this here!" Tenten said, pulling the book away from the ex-Hokage and tossing it into the pond. Kakashi's eye watched it soar into the water and just like the water, his eye became large, round, and wet.
"That was the first edition." he said.
"Bull. The first edition is in the classic orange. That one had the fourth edition's blood orange cover. I would know, I sold it to you the other day." she snorted. In Neji's late memory, she and Lee had expanded her weapon's shop to include a small book section where all profits were donated to the Free Birds Association - a charity aiming to grant wishes to underprivileged children in Konoha.
Kakashi blinked the moisture away. Curse himself and his good philanthropy.
"Anyway," Tenten continued, "You're here to see Lee right? He's out on a mission in Sand. The Kazekage wants to implement a basic self-defence program with civilian women who live in the rural parts of Sand. Recently, there's been some incidents with robbers and gangs along the border."
She picked up a scroll, the one she threw earlier, and waved it at the guests, "He left me a list of house-sitting chores. I'm doing this for free, couldn't he have made it easier? Metal," she handed the scroll to the boy, "Stop bothering Sakura and Kakashi-sama. Do this list of chores by sundown today. Think of it as super deluxe Auntie Tenten training."
Metal blinked at her, trying to decide if he was being tricked or not. Then Gai snatched the scroll and said, "What a Mighty Fine List. It breathes Unbridled Joy and Passionate Heat into my Still-Youthful Body to be completing such Rigorous Training! If I don't finish this list before Metal does, I will climb the Great Hokage Faces with only my pinkies!"
"Ah!" Metal gasped, "Of course! A challenge! Thank you Auntie Tenten. Grandpa Gai, I accept your challenge!"
Gai struck his signature good guy pose to a relieved Tenten before dashing off. It should be impossible for men in wheelchairs to move that fast. On cue, Tenten said, "You know he's competing in the next Village Games?"
"The Paragames?" Sakura asked, taking her shoes off as she entered the home.
"Both the Paragames and the main ones," Tenten called from the kitchen, "He wants to be the first to sweep all the medals. Greedy old men, eh?"
Sakura laughed, "Sure are." she pulled Kakashi close to her. She said quietly through clenched teeth, "I'm going to get you back. Don't forget it." He shuddered. He wanted to take Sarada out fishing this weekend, but Sakura was most likely going to make him do celebrity appearances at the hospital instead. He mentally sobbed.
They sat at the table and Tenten arrived with the tea and sweets. Green tea to match green cups and green pickled plums. Oh God, Kakashi was going to vomit and that was going to be green too. Sakura, on the other hand, was sitting pretty with a smile on her face and a cup in her hand. Curse those hospital workers and their immunity to the disgusting. Fuck, her eyes were green too. No wonder she's immune.
"Are you here about The List?" Tenten asked.
"How'd you guess?" Sakura said.
The weapons master shrugged, "It was the front page on the Konoha Times." she tossed the newspaper to the other woman.
"Rokudaime seeks the Headmaster's Affection." Sakura read, she continued, "Citizens of Konoha were visibly distraught this Monday morning after Hatake Kakashi, former Hokage's, name was found on The List."
"What?" Kakashi breathed, taking the newspaper away from his former pupil. There were a couple photos of him with various female dignitaries splashed across the page.
Teuchi, the first generation of Ichiraku Ramen, when asked for his opinion on the List had this to say about the Rokudaime, "He's not good for Iruka-sensei. He's even late to get take out. What kind of man eats soggy, cold ramen?"
Teuchi is not the only person in Konoha to share those sentiments. Even fellow ex-ANBU Shiranui Genma had this to say, "I think that Iruka would be good for Kakashi, but I'm not sure if it'll be the same the other way around. Don't get me wrong, Kakashi's a good leader, but a romantic partner's a whole different ballgame."
Kakashi sputtered behind his mask. That Shiranui!
Even two of his former pupils commented. Sai, a Konoha philanthropist that recently raised over 1 million dollars for the Konoha Community Centre to foster young creative minds by auctioning his art to the Lords of Fire Country, said, "I wish Kakashi-san all the best, but he's even more awkward than me isn't he? I'm sure applying for The List isn't going to get him in Iruka's good books."
Uchiha Sasuke was quoted to say, "Hn." We at the Konoha Times think that speaks volumes.
Kakashi tossed the paper onto the coffee table. "This is preposterous!" he said, "They can't be serious. And your husband, how could he?!" he turned to Sakura. Sakura stared at the paper. What was Sasuke thinking? He should know that the "Classic Uchiha Hm™" never translated well in print. She already told that bloody bastard to not send emails with "hn." Just don't send them at all! And Sai, it was clear that he was scripted to say that. She was going to kill Ino. Later. RIght now, she had to console the idiot that was their previous Hokage.
Kakashi buried his face into his palms which would have been more significant had he not been wearing his mask. The pinkette rubbed his back and cooed at the man. It'll be alright. Iruka-sensei probably doesn't read these sorts of gossipy newspapers anyway. And shame on them for publishing such slander. You're not like that at all. No, not awkward, not in the least. She made eye signals at Tenten.
Tenten sighed, "Look, we'll help you. Lee, Gai-sensei, and I. We've got your backs," she pulled out a scroll and unfurled it to reveal an intricate step by step plan (green ink, Sakura noted with some black). An exact ratio of ⅔ with diagrams. It was titled: Kakashi's Youthful Pursuit. Italics. Fancy-smancy, no wonder they kept winning all the home reno magazine prizes. She continued, "First, you need to make it clear to Iruka-sensei that you weren't aware you were put on The List. Second, you have to make sure he knows that even though that's the case, you're up for a date."
"Too late." Kakashi said from behind his fingers.
Sakura added, "He asked if Iruka-sensei's gay. It's clear that he was in the know."
"Oh. Um. Well then." the other woman frowned, "I'll cut to the chase then. Lee's best advice, which happens to be Gai-sensei's father's best advice too is: Be honest and respect each other's boundaries. I'm sure you'll be fine with the first part Kakashi-sama. It's the second that I'm worried about. We all know you goaded Iruka-sensei at the Rookie Nine's chunin exams and then again when he got the Academy Principal nomination. You're just… kind of an asshole, Kakashi-sama."
"No offence." she quickly added and Sakura wanted to tell her that you can't tack on a No Offense like that solves all offences because hell yeah, offence taken. But she couldn't, because Tenten was right and Kakashi-sensei was kind of a jerk sometimes. He didn't often mean for it to come out that way, but at times, it just did.
"Oh yea," Tenten brightened up and pulled out another scroll, "Temari's secretly rooting for you two as well. She swiped this from Shikamaru. You know that man runs around taking orders from hot headed blondes. I think he's got a thing for it. Ino, Naruto, and then Temari herself."
"What is it?" Sakura asked.
"I don't know how Shikamaru got it, but it's a list of all of Iruka-sensei's favourite things including date and gift ideas. I took a peek, it's mainly volunteering for charities or spin class. He likes pottery and spelunking too. His favourite thing however, is a free-day pass. No work, no kids, no anyone. Just a rest day to himself."
Sakura nodded, "Thank you Tenten. I'm assuming Ino's got this as well if Shikamaru has it. Iruka-sensei sounds like an overworked mother." she laughed.
"Well you know, Naruto is Hokage and Iruka-sensei disapproves when Hinata has to take on all the responsibilities of the house so… he takes care of Boruto and Himawari along with…"
"Academy duty and desk duties." Kakashi finished. Iruka did a lot for the village. It was something he'd tried to change when he was Hokage, only to be met with the wrath of the Desk ninja, the Academy teachers, and the Elders. They were hell bent on Iruka serving his sentence (because that's really what it was - a workaholic's dream, a regular person's nightmare) with Konoha. Iruka was happy to take more on or at least, he seemed to be. You could never really tell with Iruka. He was honest and straightforward but he was still ninja. They all wore masks sometimes, Kakashi had his cloth, Tsunade had her youth, Sasuke had his stupid-ass hair, and Iruka… well Iruka had his smile. His trademarked 'How can I help you?' retail, food service, clientele look.
"Well, thank you again Tenten. We still on for Friday?" Sakura said as she stood up, pulling Kakashi by the arm.
The other woman shook her head, "No problem and yes. Lee's back that day and the date schedule will be out too. We'll iron out the details then. Just so you know, Shiranui has started a betting ring, so watch out for people who suddenly want to 'help.'"
Sakura nodded, her old teacher was paranoid enough for the both of them. He didn't need any more disturbances. In many ways, she was less of Tsunade's prodigy as she was her exact replica. Sakura subscribed to the philosophy that some boys needed to be X'd out. Removed from the situation. Time out supreme. The senbon toting man landed on her personal List. A lot different from Iruka's List, but just as important. She'd get him soon enough, after Kakashi did some 'volunteering' at the pediatric wing this weekend. Sakura never forgets.