Author's note: Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The following characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and you know I'm not J.K. because #transrights

Hogwarts: Assignment #4, Flying Lessons Task #2 Thestral: Write about witnessing a death.

Dedication: For Lizzy, who likes post-war, Harry and Teddy bonding, and Harry/Ginny.

Warnings: Grief, canon character deaths, trauma

Don't Carry It All

So raise a glass to turnings of the season

And watch it as it arcs towards the sun

And you must bear your neighbor's burden within reason

And your labors will be borne when all is done

And nobody, nobody knows

Let the yoke fall from our shoulders

Don't carry it all don't carry it all

We are all our hands in holders

Beneath this bold and brilliant sun

—"Don't Carry It All," The Decemberists

It had taken some negotiation and arrangements for Ginny to spend a few nights at his and Ron's place during Christmas break (though, of course, Ron wasn't around since he was going to meet Hermione's parents—a fact which Mr and Mrs Weasley officially did not need to know now or ever). Still, when Andromeda had asked him if he could take Teddy even if it was during a weekday because of a Tonks family emergency, Harry hadn't said no. He didn't think he was physically able to say no to Andromeda Tonks about, well, anything—let alone his godson.

"Sorry," Harry said when he opened the door to Ginny with the baby strapped to his chest in a sling. "I tried sending an owl to the Burrow to let you know, but you must have just missed it…"

"That's alright," Ginny said, dropping her bag by the door and unzipping her coat. Harry kissed her thankfully and Teddy gurgled against him, his windmilling arms making a wild grab for Ginny's loose hair until Harry caught his little hand in his.

"Oh no you don't," Harry said. "No you don't, I see what you're trying to do there, sir…"

Teddy gurgled some more as Harry took Ginny's coat and hung it up.

He couldn't quite be as romantic as he had planned with Teddy around. He'd still managed to cook breakfast and have it ready for her when she arrived, and she was happy with the pancakes and bacon he had to offer—though he was busy feeding Teddy while she told him how her term at Hogwarts had been and rehashing how the Quidditch season was shaping up for Gryffindor. And then Teddy spat up so Harry ducked out to change him into a new onesie, this one navy blue and studded with stars. Then when they were talking some more in the living room, Harry was sitting on the floor and passing big plastic blocks to Teddy to keep him entertained. It was while Ginny was telling him about the new Defense the Dark Arts teacher that Harry totally interrupted her with a loud gasp when Teddy grabbed onto the edge of the coffee table and pulled himself to his two little feet.

"Oh my God!" Harry said. "Teddy, look at you go! Ginny look, he's standing!"

"He is," Ginny said. "Is that his first time doing it?"

"It's his first time doing it!" Harry said, just as Teddy let go of the coffee table and immediately plopped back down. Harry scooped him up. "Oh, Teddy, you should have waited for Gran before doing that! Oh, good job baby, you're so good…"

He blew a raspberry on Teddy's cheek which made his godson giggle, as it always did, when he saw the pained smile on Ginny's lips as she looked down at them again. Harry put Teddy down so that the baby was sitting between his legs, leaning against him, as he chewed intently on the tentacle of a stuffed octopus. With Teddy so mesmerized, he had time to evaluate Ginny's face and try to assess what was happening.

"Hey, Gin?" Harry said.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry Teddy's here on short notice," he said.

"It's fine," Ginny said. She pushed her hair over one shoulder and gave it a tug that Harry knew was nervous.

He considered his options. Today had been supposed to be a quiet day in with his girlfriend—he'd booked the day off work for this. It was snowing pretty heavily outside, he could see it through the window, and the possibility that he and Ginny could curl up under a blanket and watch a movie had not been lost on Harry. They had a pile of Quidditch Weekly issues that he'd been too busy to read during Auror training and that she hadn't gotten at Hogwarts that they could share. They were both wearing warm and soft pajamas. He'd been planning on ordering them pizza for supper, since she always said that pizza was the one thing the Hogwarts kitchens couldn't make quite right. And so yes, in every way today was supposed to be nice and quiet and lazy, and he hadn't wanted to poke any sore spots or so much as breeze by any sensitive subjects. But there was something nagging him and tugging at the pit of his stomach, and Harry just couldn't ignore it.

"Gin?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you… do you like Teddy?" Harry asked, point blank.

She looked startled by the question, eyes widening.

"Of course I do," Ginny said. "Look at him, he's adorable in that little onesie. He's your godson."

Harry's stomach twisted. He had partially anticipated, and been dreading, this response.

"I know," Harry said. "But do you… Do you like babies and… and kids?"

"I do," Ginny said. "I want some one day, if that's where you're going with this."

Harry felt himself blush because no, it hadn't been, but part of his brain filed it away as good to know.

"But do you like Teddy?" Harry asked. "Because I know he's not mine and it was never planned to have him around, but I will—I always, always will. So…"

Ginny clasped her hands together and looked down at her knees, chewing on her bottom lip. She suddenly looked so alone and small on the sofa, alone…

"Ginny, I'm sorry," he said immediately.

"It's fine, it's not your fault," she said. "He just makes me think so much of Tonks."

"Oh," Harry said.

Ginny turned her head to hide her face, red hair falling like a curtain. Harry picked up Teddy, propping the baby on his hip as he went to sit next to Ginny who bent down so that her head was between her knees as she took a deep breath and tried to steady herself. Harry hesitated before putting a hand between her shoulder blades. She sighed, shakily.

"He just… everyone talks about how he has Remus' eyes when he wakes up and hasn't morphed yet, but he changes his colours and he's so funny and he makes all these little sounds and he's so bubbly just like she was and… and it makes me feel so guilty every time I look at him," Ginny said. She rubbed at her eyes and Harry's stomach twisted.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked quietly.

"When Bellatrix hit Tonks, she was taking a killing curse aimed at me and Luna," Ginny said. She sobbed, plastering a hand across her mouth. The hairs on the back of Harry's neck rose when he realized that he hadn't known this before and that maybe, just maybe, Ginny hadn't told anyone and so nobody had known. He'd been told that Bellatrix Lestrange herself had been the one to take down Tonks, but he'd never asked when or how or where because it had seemed too painful to ask and not that useful to know.

"Ginny…" he said quietly. "You told me you started seeing the Thestrals this year, but I didn't know this was how."

"It's because of her," Ginny said. "Because of Tonks. I wasn't supposed to go far when I left the Room of Requirement, but I went to fight and… and then she died so that I didn't. She got hit in the chest and she just collapsed and she was so stiff and we had to run away, we just left her there until the ceasefire."

"Yeah," Harry said quietly. "Yeah, it's… it's awful to see."

Ginny rubbed at her eyes again.

"She was always so lively and colourful and she moved and talked and joked and it just… it didn't feel right, to see her so still. It just didn't."

"It wasn't," Harry said quietly. "You shouldn't have had to see that."

"But I did. It happened. And now every time I see Teddy I feel like I'm seeing her and I can't believe he'll never have, you know, properly met her to see how similar they are."

Harry put his arm around her and stayed quiet for a moment, processing this.

"Teddy's going to grow up and want to hear about her, you know," Harry said quietly. "It'll mean the world to him that you knew his mum."

"It's my fault she's gone," Ginny said quietly.

"Sirius told me the same thing about my parents dying," Harry said. "I never cared, though. It meant more to me that he could tell me that I looked like my dad but had my mum's eyes, along with all the other things about them that he could share."

Ginny took a deep breath again. Teddy cooed in Harry's arm and Harry ran a hand over the baby's wispy aquamarine hair. Teddy babbled some more and tried to grab Harry's hand, so Harry picked him up.

"Do you want to hold him?" Harry asked. "He's his own little person, you know, parents aside…"

Ginny chewed on her lip and then she nodded, so Harry set the baby on her lap. He leaned back against her and made another grab for her hair—this time successfully. He managed to stick it in his mouth though he spat it back out immediately, discovering that it didn't taste as good as it looked apparently. Both of them laughed, Ginny hiccuping.

"I think you were warned about that," Ginny told Teddy. She passed the stuffed octopus back to him. "Here, try this."

Teddy started suckling on one of the tentacles and Harry leaned against Ginny, resting his head on one shoulder.

"I know this doesn't make up for watching her die, but I think she'd be happy to see you with her baby," Harry said. "I think she'd be happy to see you alive and well, period, actually. When I… when I talked to Remus, in the forest, he was sorry that he was dead, but he thought Teddy might grow up to understand that he had died to try and make a world where he could live a happier life. I reckon Tonks would have thought something along those lines too."

"I think she would have too," Ginny said after a moment. One of her hands let go of Teddy's little waist to brush his hair softly.

"Plus, Teddy likes you," Harry said.

"Does he? Or do you like me and project?" Ginny asked.

"Both," Harry said. "We have good taste."

Ginny smiled and he turned his head to kiss her shoulder before resting against her again. He did like this; sitting by her, holding her, watching the baby play…

"I'll tell him when he's older," Ginny decided. "That way he knows. But for now… for now it's enough for me to try and give him a good life too."

They let the quiet that came after her declaration hang in the air as the snow outside continued to fall.

WC: 1881