Reupload cause I needed to tweak a couple details in the first 5 chaps

Chapter 4: The problem with knowledge

Sasuke was hiding. That's right, you heard me, the Sasuke Uchiha was hiding. He could fool himself into thinking that he was doing good ole recon - but that just made him sound like a stalker. Besides, what kind of stalker stalks his own daughter?

He gritted his teeth. Sarada and her team were assigned a C-rank mission and he didn't hear of this till this morning when Sakura finally decided to tell him. Why didn't you tell me earlier? He had asked, only to have The Konoha Times shoved into his face. Why did you Hn? HMMM? He escaped rather quickly after that.

C-ranked missions were not dangerous per se. At least they shouldn't be, but Sasuke still remembered the feeling of senbon in skin and mist in lungs and no matter what Konohamaru thought, Sarada was not ready for that sort of combat. What he didn't realize was that in restructuring the Academy, the missions desk had also been restructured and Iruka made it mandatory that all ninja do community hours. Of course, those hours came in the form of C-ranked missions. Iruka was nothing if not a trickster. It was nice, Sasuke decided, as he watched his daughter show pre-genin how to hold a training kunai. It was a fat and dull instrument, more like a pebble than a weapon, the only thing it held similar to a real kunai was its weight.

"You should say hi," a voice said from beside him. Sasuke had sensed him coming, felt his chakra wind down the Academy's stairs, through the main gym, and now here, out to the dense tree canopy behind the courtyard. Iruka made no movement to reign in his energy, Why should he? This was his Academy, in his village, in his nation. Only shadows - murderer, traitor, unfit personnel - needed to hide.

A hand on Sasuke's shoulder, Iruka frowned, "She already knows."

The younger man stood up, brushing off the Headmaster's hand as he did so and replied, "And whose fault is that?"

Sarada was smart, why else would Headmaster Iruka be watching the children from a perch behind the Academy?

"I didn't come here to monitor her mission," Sasuke started before Iruka cut him off,

"Of course you didn't, but who would have thought that the ever focused Sasuke could get distracted," he beamed at his old charge and Sasuke thought he smelled the fresh acidic scent of tomatoes crushed in summer to make sauce. He hated pasta before Iruka made it for him many summers ago. He continued to talk, "Why don't you pay her a visit before we meet in my office? Your next mission is tomorrow."

Sasuke mostly ended up doing whatever Iruka told him to, which was why he avoided him like the plague once his foolish pre-teen brain decided that revenge was the only answer. Still, he left when he knew everyone would be disappointed and Iruka never went to find him. There was the war, the Academy, the missions desk, a plethora of never ending work for the then chuunin teacher. As a boy, Sasuke had been surprised at the lack of Iruka-sensei when he defected. Thankfully, there was a lot to do when he was with Orochimaru and even more when he headed his own team, there was no time for Sasuke to think about his pre-genin teacher and lazy afternoons spent adding peat to soil. It wasn't until he was serving his prison sentence that Iruka finally came.

It was definitely egotistic when he asked the teacher through 3 sealed barriers during prison visitation, Why didn't you chase after me?

To which Iruka responded, You wouldn't have come back until you were ready.

That stuck with Sasuke for a very long time, perhaps for as long as he would live. The image of Iruka, fiercely determined, both wise and foolish, with dry eyes but sweat on his brow - he knew he would come back. And there was something comforting about that, that someone held him in such high regard to believe steadfastly he would return even without the help of others. Iruka-sensei was stupidly wise in the way that Kakashi Hatake was intelligently idiotic and Sasuke couldn't help the laughter that bubbled up from his throat and spilled out onto the Academy's courtyard.

Iruka gave him a confused smile and Sasuke jumped down to meet his daughter's genin team for the first time. The children crowded around him, fawning over the black robes, questioning how he didn't trip over them. Sarada told them to focus while Boruto ogled along with the pre-genin and if you looked really closely, the corners of Sasuke's mouth curved upward just a bit.

And all's well that ends well.

Except for the fact that Iruka Umino still had that damn List to deal with and honest to God, he was going to kill Hiashi. No, not kill. Death was too easy for a pale-eyed bastard like that. More like main. Oh yes, he would maim him.

He had seen The List and by no means did he know he was that popular. Ever since The List had been open to the public, everyone and their mother were signing up. It was currently 14 scrolls and counting and Iruka didn't even know he interacted with that many people in his entire lifetime.

"I can shorten it for you." Sasuke's voice sent Iruka a couple steps away from his couch in the Headmaster's office, hand on the closest thing he had to a weapon at the time.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the offending item Iruka had in his hand. An eraser. Iruka cursed mentally, of all things he could have grabbed. A pen would be better than a bouncy eraser. It was pink and heart shaped. One of the older pre-genin gave it to him with all the grace an 11 year old. Daddy says to use pencil if you're not good enough to use pen. Iruka didn't know how to respond to that.

Iruka sighed, "Read my mind, Sasuke. But there's no way out is there? The least I can do is to show up to the dates."

"No," Iruka gave him a quizzical look.

"No?" he echoed.

"No," Sasuke said, "You shouldn't have to go on these dates if you don't want to. If it's just for face, you might as well not go."

Iruka nodded, brown ponytail bobbing up and down. Of course. Sasuke was smart and at least currently, sane. He didn't need to go to these dates if he didn't feel like it. It wasn't as if he'd never failed a mission before. It would all be fine except…

The nape of Iruka's neck became more and more mottled. The red seeped up to his ears and Sasuke wasn't sure what was happening. The older man's shoulders began shaking and Sasuke looked around the room wildly. He didn't know what to do when someone cried, much less if that person was his pre-genin teacher that he held with such respect. Someone? Anyone!

"YOU!" Iruka was jabbing a finger into Sasuke's forehead and if anyone were to see the sight of the head of the Uchiha clan be ripped into by a school principal, he would literally die, "YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW? HOW COULD YOU SASUKE? HOW COULD ANY OF YOU. THIS IS YOUR DOING!"

Sasuke moved his head back without lifting his feet, Iruka shouted so loud, he sprayed a little on him. He coughed, cutting Iruka's rant short, "Actually, it was Hiashi Hyuuga."

Iruka brought his fist (of justice) onto the Uchiha's head. He then continued his tirade (of justice). Sarada and Konohamaru were walking past the office at this time and the jounin commented on how his student's father had really done it this time. To which Sarada responded that whatever happened, her father probably deserved it. Momma always said, Men are stupid.

When Iruka finished after 20 minutes of non-stop screaming at his previous charge, he made them both tea. It was not an awkward silence but a pensive one. Pensive coming from Sasuke, who didn't know if what he was about to say would result in another ear-blasting lecture and silence coming from Iruka who was dead set on staying annoyed at his previous student.

"I don't think he's good enough for you, but he's the best of the worst." Sasuke finally said.

"For god's sake, I don't even know him."

Sasuke perked up. Didn't even know him? Kakashi was over at the Umino residence at least every other week and every week between those weeks, Iruka was at Kakashi's. His confusion was evidently written across his face or Iruka wouldn't have looked at him like that.

"Yamato?" the principal asked.

"Sai and Ino."

"Hana?"

"Hinata."

"You guys roped poor Hinata into this?"

"We had a Team 7 meeting. We always invite a member's partner."

"Oh. Who put Ayame?"

"Unclear. Perhaps the ramen shop owner."

"I don't know how to make ramen, that's why we always go out to eat it."

"Iruka-sensei, you would make a terrible restaurant owner."

"How so?"

"You'd feed all of Konoha's poor for free."

Just as Iruka was about to launch into another rant on capitalism and the Fire Country's 1%, Sasuke cut him off, "Sakura, Naruto, and I nominated Kakashi."

"Oh. I thought he nominated himself," Iruka frowned. Did Kakashi not want this? Did he ask for his sexuality hoping that Iruka would reject him purely based on where he fell on the gender spectrum? Were the kids forcing Kakashi to participate in something without seeking his consent? Was Kakashi oka-

For the upteenth time that day Sasuke interrupted Iruka, "He's definitely not good enough, but I think you should consider him anyway. If it's any condolence, I think…" he trailed off. A hawk was at the window and attached to its leg, a small roll of paper.

Iruka sighed. Such was the life of the strong. Sasuke opened the window and took the mini scroll. He unfurled it, annoyed at its untimely arrival. He was scheduled to leave tomorrow, not tonight. Tonight Sakura was making lasagna and Sarada finished her mission on time, so it was a rare Haruno-Uchiha dinner. He fought the happy flips in his stomach as he read the words on the paper. He tied it back onto the hawk and sent the animal off.

Throwing one last look at Iruka, he said, "He'd make you happy," and then Sasuke jumped out the window, seemingly heading straight for the Hokage's tower. For all Iruka knew, it was another top secret mission. In some ways, he wouldn't be wrong.

Yo Sasu-turd, I'm holding off your missions for 3 months. We're gonna get Iruka hitched.

.

.

.

Sasuke sat himself down in one of the Hokage residence's flimsy IKEA chairs. He didn't even know why Naruto renovated the entire damn place with cheap furniture. The idiot said something about meatballs and mazes but Sasuke wasn't listening. No one wanted to hear about international exchange anyway. His face soured as he uncrossed and recrossed his legs and the chair gave a little squeak with each movement. He bid Sarada goodnight and helped Sakura with the dishes before the couple came over to Naruto's.

"You're telling me that Iruka thought Team 7 nominated Yamato?" Ino said, "And that, Kakashi nominated himself."

"Hn." It was an affirmative hn, but only Naruto and Sakura understood.

Ino pressed a finger onto the table and let her chakra ripple through the cheap wood composite table top, through the cup holding Sasuke's water, and then into the water itself to splash the man. Sasuke did not let it splash him. He dodged it, letting it splash his wife who was standing behind him.

"I'm asking you a question."

"What the hell Ino-pig?"

"Shut the fuck up forehead, I'm talking to your mute husband."

"He's not mute. Pretty boys just don't want to talk to ugly girls like you."

"The only pretty he is is pretty stupid. And who did you just call ugly?"

The women continued to argue, or was it banter? Sasuke could never tell. It was odd that Ino ever said she had a crush on him because their personalities were like sandpaper on smooth glass. He turned to look at Sai who was looking at him much too intently. It was creeping him out. Sai often stared at Sasuke and sometimes claimed that he was his muse. He should just use a mirror Sasuke thought.

"We didn't sign up Yamato though." Sai finally spoke, turning his eyes to his wife, "Honey, that means Captain must have signed himself up."

"Yes, that was what I was trying to get at before the great Uchiha himself went radio silent." Ino and Sakura rolled their eyes, though for differing reasons.

Hinata placed the tea snacks onto the table with a little more force than necessary. Sasuke's water jumped a bit from his cup. He let it hit him this time. Everyone in the room - Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Sai, and Ino turned to look at her.

"I would like to clear my name. I did not sign up Hana. That was Kiba."

Sasuke didn't move.

"Please let Dad know it was simply gossip," with one last sweeping glance at her guests, Hinata handed off the apron she was wearing to Naruto and said, "Please have a new dinner table by tomorrow. It looks like IKEA isn't ninja-proof." With that, the heiress went to bed and Ino muttered something about footing the cost for the table. It had a line of splinters travelling from where her finger once was to the base of Sasuke's mug.

Honestly, Sasuke thought it wasn't Ino's fault. What sort of ninja president buys non-ninja proof furniture?

Sakura broke the silence after Hinata's exit, "We have more pressing things to worry about. Genma started a betting ring."

"Sai," Ino ordered, "Put 1 thousand on Yamato and 10 thousand on Kakashi." Sai nodded, sending an ink rat to the senbon user immediately.

"I thought you wanted Yamato to be with Iruka?" Naruto scratched his head while his teammates looked at him with pity. God, he was stupid.

Sakura glared, "That's underhanded, but I suppose not for you."

Ino preened, twisting a long strand of blonde around her finger, "Shika's not the only one who knows how to play shogi, sweetheart."

"I don't get it."

"There's nothing to get, Naruto."

"Eh? Then why is Sakura looking at me like that?" He scratched his head again - in the same spot - and Sasuke wondered if he would start balding there. Naruto looked more confused than ever and continued to scratch. Sasuke had enough. He pulled Naruto's hand away from his head by the wrist and said, "Idiot. She wants to drive up the demand for Kakashi with Iruka so that Iruka feels too much pressure to even consider him."

Everyone in the room could see, no, hear. No. It was worse than that. They could feel the grinding of thought in the sunny blonde's head before an audible gasp came from their Hokage, "You're a witch!" he said, pointing at Ino. "I-I'll even it out! 9 thousand on Yamato!"

Sakura pinched his nose, "No. Have some faith in Kakashi."

Naruto pulled his face away from Sakura's vice-pinch and declared, "I'll make it a mission for Shikamaru to help us get Kakashi and Iruka together!"

Ino scoffed, "Like he's going to accept that mission. You're the one who made the rule that with a valid reason approved by the Council, any ninja can refuse a mission as part of your Konoha Mental Health Initiative circa when you were elected."

"Well I'll just have the Council decline his excuse!"

Sasuke groaned, why was his "best friend" so fucking dumb. He could just imagine the steam coming from Sakura now. Thankfully, it was Sai who put a stop to it.

"Ino is on the Council. Clan advantage, you're the one who wrote in the signing of younger Council members."

Sakura cut in, "Well the Council includes Hiashi. He most certainly would want a woman. Not Kakashi-taichou, I'm afraid." the palest of the lot continued, "Hana would be suitable, but she's an Inuzuka so there only leaves the most qualified biologically female candidate."

She paused for effect but it seemed like everyone was confused at this point.

"Yugao."