Reupload cause I changed some minor details to make things make sense later in the story!
Chapter 5: The Moral MachineIruka tried his hardest not to groan when he saw the betting numbers had made it onto the Konoha Times. There were a couple forerunners. The civilians adored Ayame, but Iruka could never consider her as anything more than a friend. He was a ninja and sometimes, there were differences that even the greatest respect and adoration could not bridge. Ayame was a good woman and Iruka was a good man, but he was a ninja and she was a civilian and that was the end of that. Still, the lady at the fruit stall had been very adamant that he give it a shot.
He looked at the top 8 candidates:
Kakashi Hatake - 10,000
Ayame - 9,200
Hana Inuzuka - 9,100
Tsunade Senju - 6,300
Kotetsu Hagane/Izumo Kamizuki - 6,250
Yamato - 1,000
Anko - 500
Yugao - 500
Iruka let out that groan he had been holding in. Who on earth bet on Tsunade, their goddamned Godaime? Who even put her name down? Wasn't she like 400 years old? Iruka quickly looked both ways, as if Tsunade herself could hear his thoughts. He sighed. The worst of the bunch had to be Kotetsu and Izumo. He wasn't sure who put them up to it, but they were signed up as a duo. As if he would ever be in a trouple, Iruka scoffed.
"Mah, the Konoha Times is just a gossip magazine in this age."
Iruka looked up in time to stop Shikamaru from pouring him sake, "I need to kill Genma and Raidou later."
"Because of the betting ring they set up?" Shikamaru shrugged, "More for me." he muttered as he poured his own cup of hot alcohol.
Iruka watched the other ponytailed man fiddle with this cup. He was glad that he hadn't lost his talent in making children squirm even after so many years. Of course, Shikamaru was no longer a child. In fact he was now the leader of his clan, just as Choji and Ino were. It was a new era and with new eras came new challenges. Shikamaru was a tough nut to crack.
Iruka spoke first, "It's only noon. Don't let Shikadai see you drink so early in the day."
Shikamaru shrugged, "I know what you came here for."
"Is that so?"
"Tea time with Hyuuga starts around now. What's Iruka-sensei doing at the Nara residence?" the younger man said the question more like a statement. Afterall, he already knew the answer. The space between Iruka's eyebrows tightened and he rubbed the bridge of his nose. What sort of a ninja lets his schedule be memorized by other ninja?
"Then out with it, Shikamaru. You know what I want to ask."
"It's really troublesome, Iruka-sensei. I honestly don't care who you choose, if you choose any, but Ino's dead set on Yamato," Shikamaru took a sip of his sake and to the outsider, it may seem as if he was tired of speaking. Needed a little alcohol to wet his throat. But to Iruka's trained eye, he knew the Nara was hiding something.
Shikamaru continued, "I'll be honest. The Elders, the Council, the Clan Heads, they all just want one thing. Another Iruka Umino."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Another teacher just like you. One that can take a jinchuuriki under their wing and not bat an eye. One that can forge a hearth that brings home the ones most misguided. They want you to have a child that is 100% wholly Iruka Umino."
"Couldn't they just order a sperm donation? That would solve all our headaches wouldn't it?" it was a joke, all earnesty a shadow in Iruka's voice.
Shikamaru snorted into his cup, "Like you would agree to that! Iruka-sensei, you're far too kind to give any child to the Konoha system. Besides, you've earned the trust of the village. There's even a handful of ANBU on The List. Even the Elders trust that you will select a suitable partner, have a child, and rear them into an honest ninja."
"I can't do that."
Shikamaru was confused, but only for a split second, at Iruka's disgusted look.
"That's disgusting," Iruka said, "Not to mention impossible. If a child enjoys genjutsu, it would make sense to guide them towards a career that uses genjutsu and to teach them how to hone their illusion skills. You cannot force these things. A teacher's role is to expose them to a multitude of interests so that they may choose which ones they prefer, which ones they want to pursue. Then, the teacher should guide and advise them on how to achieve their goals. A child is not meant to be bred like animals, reared with the single intent of fitting into some sick niche!"
Iruka took a deep breath, "Moreover, it is impossible to know if my child will choose to be a teacher. Just look at Naruto, he's our goddamned Hokage! Not to toot my own horn, but what if I parent a whole lineage of Hokages instead of teachers? None of this makes sense."
"That's not true," Shikamaru said, "The chances of Naruto's children becoming Hokage are higher because their father is Hokage. The chances of Ino's children becoming intel experts is also higher because of their family's lineage. Iruka-sensei, weren't your parents also teachers at some point?"
"This is wrong, Shikamaru." Iruka said. Shikamaru noted that he did not answer his question.
"I'm sorry, but this world is often wrong and we live in this wrongness, hoping to do the right thing. You of all people should understand that. Perhaps the Council's motives are not honest. They are, as you say, wrong, but they are genuinely doing what they think is best."
"Take children who show an aptitude for chakra. They are scouted into ninja school and when they graduate, they are flung into the world of ninja. They are made into mission machines and the better they are, the more objectively 'bad' things they do - assassination, seduction, destruction. But it's all for the good of Fire Country and we've accepted this wrongness as the best of the worst up till now. We too, are the same. Iruka-sensei, you wouldn't say your life up to now has been wrong, has it? Surely, we've both done wrong actions, many of them I'm sure, but we haven't led lives that were morally wrong in its entirety."
"In any case, why don't you be a little selfish. Just once. I thought I didn't need Temari but I was kidding myself. There's someone, maybe multiple," Shikamaru tapped the part of the newspaper that read "Kotetsu/Izumo" and continued, "out there for everyone. We would rather have a happy sensei than a lonely one."
Iruka sat there for a moment, no doubt digesting his wise words, thought Shikamaru. Then, Iruka reached over and yanked on both of Shikamaru's ears like he was a child (as if he were Temari, or Ino, or his late mother).
"You are 10 years too early to be lecturing me on ethics. You will always be 10 years too early to be waxing poetic on something that is clearly wrong. If you want me to be happy with a partner, I'll take that if and only if I want to take that. But if the end goal is the production of a robot ninja, then the Elders, the Council, the whole damn Village can. Kiss. My. Ass."
Iruka's hands were still tugging on his ears when Shikamaru held the older man's wrists, halting the pulling motion. He said, "But you're still going to go on those dates."
"Well of course I am. Some of those people put down their names in earnest. It wouldn't hurt to meet them at least once." He let go of the clan leader and started to leave. He had told Hiashi he was going to be late, but he hadn't expected the Nara meeting to 'drag on' so long as his ponytailed counterpart would have said.
"Just one more thing," Shikamaru said as he walked Iruka out.
The principal shot him a sideways glance.
"We didn't sign Yamato up." Shikamaru and his shadow put up their hands. Iruka sighed, he didn't know anything about the wood user. But if he decided to nominate himself, then maybe he was worth getting to know better. He was the only member of Team 7 that Iruka was not familiar with. He could even call Sai a friend after helping him adjust into clan-life, but Yamato… that one was an enigma.
.
.
.
"Are you serious?" Yamato looked at the mission scroll dubiously, as if it were to spontaneously erupt into flame and burn his carefully constructed wooden life down. Two sets of blue eyes regarded him with the same sort of cautiousness.
"You're really serious." he said, "Who will watch Orochimaru?"
"Don't sweat the small stuff, Yamato." Ino waved her hand dismissively, "I'm sure our Hokage can find someone."
"Who is going to watch him?" Yamato repeated, this time directing his question to the other blonde.
Naruto shifted his weight from his left foot to his right until he felt comfortable enough to stand equally on both legs and said, "Tsunade offered."
"No." Yamato held out the scroll for his Hokage to take, "Did you let Shikamaru look over this before accepting it? You can't let Tsunade watch over Orochimaru."
"Oh my god," Ino groaned, rapping her knuckles over Yamato's padded chest, "She's a sannin. Isn't that the most qualified ninja to be watching over another sannin? Just take the mission, I didn't commision it out of treason."
"I cannot accept this. It's going to be an 'Ino' from me." Yamato laughed a little at his own joke, but it came out like the soundtrack of a horror movie and both blondes took a step back from him. The wood style user shook the scroll at the hokage again but Naruto did not take it.
"Shikamaru is in on it." Naruto finally said after Yamato had started to make psipsipsi noises at him, trying to get the blonde to take the scroll back, "Besides, it's good to have a vacation sometimes. Sasuke is in the same boat. The Elders are on our asses over this Iruka dating thing. And they voted unanimously on Ino's mission request. All competition is good competition. It's like they think Iruka's love life is a reality show."
Ino blinked at the man and smiled one of those smiles that Shikamaru would deem as troublesome to Yamato, "His love life is a reality show and our Hokage is most definitely in on it; however, you seem genuine about this. Sai and I want you to be happy and happiness is not stalking a snake bastard around the clock until you're old and wrinkled."
Yamato couldn't really argue with that. Granted, for the last week or so, ever since he visited Yugao, Sai had been slinking around his cottage-style home saying things that even Yamato felt were creepy. Things like 'Captain Yamato the mighty oak,' then 'Captain Yamato sowing his seeds' and currently 'Captain Yamato removing Iruka's birches.' All were terrible puns and the ANBU wanted nothing to do with Sai's creepy mantras so he signed up for The List in an effort to remove the painting boy from his abode.
His choice to sign up definitely had nothing to do with wanting to get to know the tanned principal better.
As Yamato, each of his interactions with Iruka were either creepy or mundane. A nod at the market, separated by a swarm of older ladies trying to get the best deal on the cabbage. Iruka walking in on Yamato scaring Naruto with another one of his ghost stories. Pleasantries and a failed joke at the mission desk. He saw Iruka wince. He shouldn't have joked about Orochimaru's child experiments. He had watched from afar, seen how Iruka was a light and all the ninja around him crowded like moths. Swarming to get a little bit of the teacher. He was afraid of getting too close, of losing his wits around the man. Iruka was good at breaking down walls. He saw his own captain, Kakashi, be cajoled into singing karaoke. He thought for sure, the night when the two of them stumbled back home that Kakashi was going to kiss Iruka, but he didn't. He dropped off the then teacher at his home and then promptly poofed away to his respective residence. It was then when he realized that as good as Iruka was at breaking down walls, Kakashi was just as good at putting them back up. It was a shame, really. Because Captain Kakashi could do well with someone like that though the more Yamato thought about it, the less appealing the prospect appeared for Iruka-sensei. He supposed it was for the best, but Kakashi's name was on The List. He let it be on The List which meant that his old captain finally succumbed to temptation. Iruka would not be the end of Kakashi, that much Yamato knew, but Kakashi might be the end of Iruka and he couldn't stand by doing nothing.
As an ANBU operative, Yamato had interacted with Iruka frequently. It was funny how a mask could change a person. He didn't meet Iruka until he was an adult and there were a lot of good things about their situation. He didn't need to see the changes in a growing person. He didn't need to decide if he liked or disliked those changes, if he would grow with or apart from said person. He could just appear as is, a finished sculpture and Iruka would appear as he was, a finished product. If their halves matched, then all was well. If they didn't, there was no grief in losing what one never had. Yamato found that they got along well, but only as ANBU and Academy Principal. He was to escort Iruka both times to the Sand and to the Mist. To Sand was the first time he met him. They needed a new school curriculum and Iruka was precious cargo.
Cargo. The word sounded all kinds of wrong on his tongue when used to describe the principal. Iruka was more than that. He was a person, a dignitary of Fire Country, a father to the current Hokage, a grandfather to two little ones, a guiding spirit to all the children who go through the Academy, and most of all to Yamato, Iruka was the Will of Konoha. He was the definition of passion, like fire and even as ANBU, Yamato was scared to go too close. Forest fire terrified Yamato, but that was before he realized that Iruka was not wildfire. No, he wasn't the kind of all consuming presence, the kind that was deceptively charming and beautiful, willing to lay others into ash in their path to their own goals. Though, Yamato noted, the Academy principal was charming, was beautiful, just not in the way he had originally thought.
Iruka was a hearth. He was a beacon, a site for sore eyes, tired bodies, and wet feet to lie next to, to warm, to rest. The nights in Suna were unbearably cold and the days were unbearably hot. Somehow, Iruka always had more cold water on hand in the day and more warm blankets at night. Many times during the expedition, Yamato thought he was the one being accompanied and not the other way around. Yamato swallowed thickly. He had to stop putting Iruka on a pedestal. The Headmaster didn't like that.
"4 additional ANBU to watch Orochimaru." Yamato bargained.
"2, we can't spare too much." Naruto said,
Yamato nodded. Okay. He could do this. He opened the scroll once more, glad that the Yamanaka princess had just enough tact to not send him on a mission to woo the principal, but rather to take a month-long vacation to "find himself." What ambiguous wording. They honestly gave Clan leaders too much power and too much money these days.
As Ino and Yamato left the Hokage tower, she slipped her arm into the crook of his own and Yamato tensed. He didn't know how Sai married the terrifying woman. Humans had a sixth sense, something left over from their days as fish. It was fear and instinct pooled together in an ethereal organ at the base of the stomach. Gut feelings. Sai probably didn't have that.
"We," Ino said as she guided him down towards the Yamanaka residence, "will have dinner tonight."
"And we," she continued and Yamato felt that invisible organ grow with dread, pushing up against his liver, threatening to spill out onto the grassy side of one of Konoha's finest neighbourhoods, "will discuss your battle plan."
It was a throwback to the first time Sai convinced him to meet Ino. It made sense on paper, the Nara's ran a conservation business, the Yamanaka's had the flower shop, the Akimichi's did landscaping. Prima facie, by virtue of being a wood style jutsu ninja, Yamato should have fit into the Ino-Shika-Cho trifecta easily. It was just his luck that nothing was as it seemed. Ino-Shika-Cho might as well have been organized crime. They never did anything illegal, but it was as close to illegal as they could get.
They were the source of the inflating housing market in Konoha. Prior to realizing that ISC-Realty, the monopoly on all housing needs, was a literal abbreviation of Ino-Shika-Cho, Yamato had been lamenting how he would never be able to own a home in this day and age. He would have to rent even in his 40s. It wasn't fair that the one person commissioned to build the housing complexes would also be one of the ones who couldn't afford owning one. He had figured it out by accident on his first interaction with Sai's then girlfriend.
She was not impressed. What? You didn't know ISC Realty was ours? How else would Shika own a forest? It's I-S-C, the most obvious abbreviation. Money doesn't just fall from mission scrolls. Sai, is this guy really your Captain? He's kinda dumb.
Yamato rubbed his face with his free arm. A couple years ago he would have tried extracting his other arm from Ino's grasp, but now he knew better. Temari, Karui, Ino - why were all the women in the trifecta so damn terrifying!
"Ino, it's going to be one date. Just one."
"Right. And after you have one date, you'll have another and then another. Then at some point, Iruka-sensei will decide that he can't live without you and vice versa and you will get married. The end."
"I don't think that's how it works. He probably won't like me."
"Therein lies your problem. Yamato, you were built for this." She smacked his chest with her free hand. Thunk. "Solid. Better than I expected."
"I'm wearing body armor."
"Don't be stupid," she squeezed his arm closer to her chest, "I can tell when a man works out."
Yamato could feel the vein in his forehead pulsing. It wasn't from annoyance or anger, he found it difficult to be truly angry with those younger than him. The pulsing was from the sheer irony that only Ino could produce.
"We're shinobi. I could say the same to you."
"Yes, yes, but not all nin are as built and strong and tough as you are Yamato. You're special, perhaps more than Iruka-sensei is special. Don't forget it." she accentuates the last part with a punch on his arm, sending just enough chakra up his nerves for it to sting.
It must have been the whole mind-thing the Yamanakas had going on because for as brash and scary and wild as Ino was, she always had a way of answering his questions before being asked. He never had siblings, but - just this once - Yamato lets himself imagine how it would be if Ino was his little sister. That's exactly what Yamato tells himself everytime he imagines playing house with Sai and Ino.
This will be the last time.
Just this once.
ANBU are fucked up and he knows it. Yamato wonders if Sai has the same problems. He stopped fantasizing when he was in Kakashi's team and when he served as the de facto captain of Team 7. But it had resurfaced when he started tailing Orochimaru. It must have been the solitude of the mission. Yamato needed people, craved their attention, and enjoyed the mundane bits of life. Often, he felt like a fraud. Like the guest bedroom in the Yamanaka residence or the cottage out in the Nara forest or the pull out couch at the Akimichi's weren't really for him. They were for a version of him that only Ino-Shika-Cho could see. A false reality mirror of him. They didn't know the real Yamato. Hell, Yamato didn't know the real Yamato. He was an experiment, a wood ninja forged in some madman's laboratory. A collection of cells from the Senju. But then he became Yamato the ANBU. Yamato the captain. Yamato the ninja.
At some point, he had become Yamato and Tenzo was no longer. His birth name sounded foreign to him now. If he were to say it outloud, it might feel like marbles rolling in his mouth. Like medicine pills in the mouth of a child who didn't know how to swallow them yet.
The entire Ino-Shika-Cho family was at the Yamanaka residence. Sai decided on shabu shabu tonight and Inojin was trying to set the table but Chocho kept attempting to get at the fish tofu and was blocking the blonde boy's way. Shikadai had his head in a book, but Yamato could see two orbs peering curiously over at his Ino-Cho counterparts.
Yamato sighed and decided that he could play house a little longer and that thought pushed the name Tenzo into the recesses of his mind. He picked up Chocho by the back of her collar and deposited her flailing body next to Shikadai. She whined about the atrocity of food lying in plain sight but not being able to eat it. Yamato patted her on the head and Shikadai said she's being a real drag. And just like that the young kunoichi in training has forgotten about her fight with Inojin and the shabu shabu and whirls on Shikadai with all the fury of a preteen. Inojin looks worried but decides that Shikadai was right and hurries to set the rest of the table, sparing no more glances at his ponytailed teammate trying to shield himself from the young girl.
Shikamaru, Ino, and Karui are discussing something Yamato is sure is sinister. They keep looking at him sideways. On the other side of the open style kitchen, Sai and Choji are busy cutting the vegetables into bite sized pieces as part of the soup's base. Ah, that leaves…
Temari appears unannounced beside Yamato and hands him a small package. It is wrapped up in beige wax paper and tied with gold string. The package weighs as much as an empty box and Yamato is inclined to think this is a cruel joke and the gift is truly an empty paper box but the wrapping feels dry. Crumbly like the paper had been sitting out in the sun for too long.
"From Sand," Temari says, "It's for your date next week. You should wear it."
Oh. That explained the texture of the paper.
"Shall I open it here?" He murmured, one eye on the gift and the other on the children.
She waved him away, "Maybe when we break out the sake."
With that, Sai called them to the dinner table and Chocho moved faster than Kakashi-senpai's chidori to the beef slices. All in all, it was a peaceful dinner. Oddly enough, Sai was very good at hosting. All those self help books must have helped. It was of course, after dinner when the children had all retired to Inojin's room for a sleepover that chaos ensued.
"Are you going to open it now?" Temari asked.
Yamato thanked her for the gift and cut open the package with the ease only a trained ninja could. It was a silk handkerchief. The fabric was thick without elasticity, like plush satin. And it was a deep green, not unlike emerald. It reminded Yamato of pine.
"Thank you, it's lovely." he said. He wasn't sure what to do with a handkerchief, maybe use it to blow his nose on missions. It sounded eco-friendly enough.
Ino snatched it from him and clutched it to her chest, "But do you know how to use it?"
"Excuse me?"
Everyone but Shikamaru nodded at him, then at each other, "He does not know how to woo him."
"Pardon? Would anyone care to fill me in?"
"Watch. Oh, how clumsy of me!" Ino commanded. She pretended to knock something from the table onto Sai and used the handkerchief to pretend dab his chest, then his abdomen, then his thighs, then -
"INO!" Yamato gaped at her, "W-What are you doing?"
"Teaching you how to seduce Iruka." she deadpanned.
"No, no, no, no, no." He took back the handkerchief and aired it out a bit to get rid of the Sai-germs, "Absolutely not. There will be no seducing. It's only a first date."
"Have you ever been on a date?" asked Shikamaru.
Yamato sputtered, "Of course I have!"
"Missions don't count." Karui rolled her eyes, "But if it's worth anything, Choji had his first and last date with me."
"I've been on a date!" the brunette exclaimed.
"With who?" said Sai.
Yamato scrunched up his face all kinds of ways, his nostrils flaring, his mouth creeping off to one side of his face. He was beginning to mottle with various shades of red. Was this what a stroke felt like?
"Let's not discuss the specifics. But I have been on dates before," he saw Temari's mouth open and he spoke hurriedly, "SoIthinkIcanhandlemyselfandthere'snoneedforanyofthat." he gestured broadly to whatever Ino had been trying to demonstrate.
Shikamaru was looking at him as if Yamato had grown another head. There weren't many people he was close with, so who could it be? Ino looked at the ponytailed man. He turned to meet her gaze and electricity surged between them. Yamato blinked. He always found it odd when those two synced up like that.
"Oh my god." she said.
Yamato groaned audibly, his hands over his face muffling most of it, "Everyone uses it nowadays."
"You're on NINDR!" Ino accused, "You can't get a date from Nindr! It's a hookup bar."
That's right. Yamato was on Nindr. Formally a billboard in the seediest bar in Konoha that listed all the horny singles in YOUR area just waiting to get it on, now expanded to the whole restaurant. Of course, no one used their real name, it was a wham bam thank you mam sort of atmosphere. No one except for Yamato that is. The name Tenzo worked well in these situations. The sheer alienness of his birth name allowed him to be distant from the partners he chose.
Yamato wanted the world to swallow him whole. He looked at his feet, wooden floorboards. How easy it would be to jutsu out of there, but he couldn't so he just stared at the floor like a child who'd been caught in a lie, willing the earth to open up and drag him into the pits of Hell. Hell probably had its own Nindr.
"With all due respect, getting picked up or picking someone up at Nindr isn't exactly a date." Choji said.
"I always get a couple of drinks with them first." Yamato protested.
"A couple of drinks does not necessitate dating. It's more of a formality prior to bringing them home." Shikamaru tried to reason.
"None of this matters!" Karui said, Temari nodding along. The blonde continued her friend's thought, "What matters is that you plan for your date with Iruka carefully and that we make it a success."
"So where are you planning to take him?" Ino asked.
Yamato rubbed the back of his neck, he hadn't thought of it yet.
"Just don't take him to Nindr." Shikamaru snickered and the taller man wanted to smack the Hokage's advisor.
Then Sai smacked his fist onto his open palm, "But I've seen Iruka-sensei at Nindr. Maybe he'd enjoy it."
6 pairs of eyes turned to him. "Come again?"
"This was before he was a principal. He was with Shiranui-san, if I remember correctly." Sai elaborated.
The bar didn't have signage out front anymore, they were planning to change it to "NINDR" under new ownership. There was a board at the back, between the bar and the washrooms for singles to post up their hookup ads. The bar was still renovating its exterior but the interior was open for business. Instead of one board at the back, the walls were lined with cork as if it were wallpaper.
In the corner closest to the washrooms, the part of the bar that got all the action, was one Genma Shiranui and one Iruka Umino.
"Come on, lighten up. You're set for the promotion tomorrow!" Genma slung his arm around the other man's shoulders.
Iruka was wearing a turtleneck - a conservative choice for patrons of Nindr - and his hair was down. Sai would have briefed over him had it not been for the distinct lack of a scar on the school teacher's face. Genjutsu? An imprudent choice considering that people go to bars to drink. The teacher wouldn't be able to keep it up. Sai frowned. What could it be?
Ino had dragged him out to another bar earlier in the night, but then ditched him for Sakura. Impromptu girl's night, she said. She had all but kicked him and Kiba to the streets telling him that he needed to try interacting on his own. But this. This was interesting and not at all where Sai expected his night to lead.
"Is that not that your Iruka-sensei?" Sai nudged the dog nin beside him but Kiba swatted him away.
"Sai," the fanged man hissed, "Don't cockblock me." and then he returned to chatting with the woman he had been canoodling since they got here. She was nothing special. Blonde, blue eyes, hair pulled up in a ponytail. The nameless woman had all the features of Ino but none of the 'Ino-ness' and Sai found her very unattractive. There was a pang in his gut; however, that confused Sai. Something about Kiba cosying up to a look-alike of his own girlfriend bothered him but just like the disappearance of Iruka's scar, he couldn't figure it out.
Sai sighed. He supposed he'll have to just ask. So he sauntered his way over the Shiranui and Iruka and plopped himself in front of them.
Iruka stilled, pulling his turtleneck up over his mouth, the knitted fabric bisecting his face just under his nose.
"Iruka-sensei. What's that on your nose?" he asked and Genma scowled as he threw an arm around his chunin friend.
"Ever heard of buying him a drink first, pretty boy?" the senbon user said.
Sai blinked. Ah, of course. This was what Kakashi-sensei referred to as 'tit-for-tat.' He turned to flag down a waitress and promptly requested 2 beers and a Shirley Temple. When he turned back around, he was met with the image of Iruka hissing something at Shiranui. He had his hand fisted around Shiranui's collar, pulling their faces close. Ino had kissed him just one month prior and it had started something like this as well. She had been yelling at him for something Sai didn't understand but it had ended in her hands on his neck, every finger on a chakra pressure point and her mouth on his. If he were a sensible ninja, he would have defended himself, pushed the dangerous kunoichi off and ran for it. But as luck would have it, Sai was not a sensible ninja and found himself wanting more and more of those kisses. Kinky.
"Stop, stop, stop," Choji whined, "We don't need to know about you and Ino. We've already heard it from her."
"Ever since she damn met you." Shikamaru muttered.
Anyways, as he was saying, Sai knew the two ninja were about to fraternize and because he'd recently read that privacy is important to most couples, he didn't want to infringe on their… rut. But because he was a ninja, he needed to know how did Iruka-sensei manage to cover his scar.
"Genma, you can't ask him to just buy you a drink like that," Iruka was whispering angrily into his friend's ear, "Have a little self respect, mission pay isn't that much at their age."
The bandana clad man waved him off, he just wanted a free drink. It's not his fault that people flocked to Iruka like flies to honey because that was exactly it. Iruka was honey, not his honey yet, but honey nonetheless. And the others? They were just flies.
"I really must know, how did you hide your scar?" Sai asked as the drinks were placed in front of him. The waitress placed the beers in front of Genma and Sai and the Shirley Temple in front of Iruka.
Genma snicked, "So they remember."
"Remember what?" Sai's interest was piqued between the scar and the topic at hand. He interchanged the beer in front of him for the Shirley Temple. Sai didn't drink. Iruka groaned and told the oldest at the table to shut up.
He looked up at Sai and asked, "I'm sorry about him, what did you want to know?"
"The scar, how did you remove it? And what did they remember?"
"Uh-uh." Genma waved a finger in front of his face, "One question, one beer."
Iruka looked like he wanted to strangle the man. Instead he turned to Sai and explained the use of scar wax and covert missions. The mouldable wax would smooth over the scar and blend into the rest of the face, but it was important to not touch it lest the wax indent unnaturally.
Sai decided not to push for his other question, the coins in his wallet feeling particularly light tonight. Instead he bid the men goodnight and, "Have fun fucking."
In all the books he read, men fucked. Women liked making love, having sex, something enjoyable and pleasurable but most definitely not-primal. But men, at least in the books Sai kept his nose in during his spare time, always fucked. Therefore, he was not expecting the coughing, sputtering mess of incense that was Iruka sensei from his comment. Genma passed him his beer and Iruka took it down in one short drink. He denied Sai's presumption vehemently and Sai watched as the man transformed from Iruka-sensei the Academy school teacher up for vice-principal promotion into Iruka the drunk, Iruka the loud, Iruka the wet t-shirt winner of Nindr.
Genma did not take Iruka home that night nor did Iruka take Genma home. Iruka had slept at the bar and Genma was too busy showing his friends the photo he took of Iruka dancing. Round, watery doe eyes. Rosy cheeks and a rosy mouth, lips a hairsbreadth parted.
Ninja were jostling the senbon user to sell it but Genma refused. Oh hell no. He wasn't going to let go of his investment so soon. He'd wait until Iruka was Headmaster and then these would sell like gold hotcakes!
"Oh! So that's where these came from." Ino pulled out a couple trading cards with Iruka on them. They were all of Iruka teaching the children or Iruka on an active mission or Iruka yelling at an orange blob, presumably Naruto running out of frame. "For every 100 dollars you put on a contestant, Shiranui gives one of these Iruka memorabilia. There's a chance for a super sexy photo somewhere in that bunch." Ino explained.
Shikamaru sent a small prayer for the senbon user and the family got cracking on planning Yamato's date.