Warning: Explicit yaoi scenes will be in later chapters. Read at your own expense.
Bakugo x Midoriya
Bakugo x Kirishima
Later, special appearances of Shinsou, Todo and more.
"'Congratulations on your new purchase and thank you for becoming a valued customer.'" Pro hero Ground Zero flipped the card over only to find a strange logo: a gold circle with a cross in the middle, like a scope lens. He turned it over once more as he adjusted the phone against his ear with his shoulder. Growling, he tossed it to the floor. "That's all it says, shitty hair! I doesn't say who sent this," he yelled into his cell.
"Look, dude, just enjoy it! Does it matter who it came from? It's probably from a concerned fan or something."
Bakugo grumbled under his breath as he slowly limped and paced in his living room, the beige carpet itchy under his aching feet. He'd rather it come from a stalker than a concerned fan. At least they weren't treating him like some…damsel in distress.
"I don't need a stupid support doll! It's so… creepy!"
"It's not a doll, it's a robot, and you do need it. You won't let anyone come to see you or bring you groceries, you chase away all the nurses and therapists that come knocking, and you stopped taking your prescriptions. That's not manly! It's a miracle you're even alive, let alone walking and breathing on your own! I mean come on, seven High End Nomu versus you?! They had to piece you back together!"
Bakugo stopped and stood face to face with what he now dubbed, the thing. His scarlet eyes examined it from head to toe. It was his height, but its head was tilted down, eyes closed. It's Sacramento curls were closely cropped to its head. A button nose. Freckles dotting creamy skin like the milky way smears across the dark drapery of night. Silky lips. Strong jawline. A plain green smock, khakis and matching shoes.
"You don't need to remind me, Ei," Katuski bit out. It little softer, he said, "But we both know I'm too stubborn to die." He pulled up the thing's eyelid, studying it's glossy emerald eye. It slid up to meet his.
Bakugo snatched his hand back with a curse and scrambled to put space between him and it. It was too painful to move any faster than a snail, but he reacted reflexively.
His whole body lit on fire, frayed nerves feeling like they were being split with razor blades at once. He cried out, nearly dropping the phone.
"What happened?! Bro?"
"Holy shit, agghh—it moved—fuck!" He bit back anymore pained groans as he eyed the offender from a few feet away. He didn't need Kirishima pitying or worrying about him.
A whirling sound filled the room, then a chime. The thing lifted its head, blinking a few times as its eyes cleared and honed in on Bakugo's face.
"Hi, my name is Midoriya Izuku. I am the android sent by Hatsume Industries. Press either of my hands to complete registration. I will not fully activate until registration is complete." It stood still, though it offered its palms out. Then it smiled. It fucking smiled!
Bakugo stared for a while, unsure if he should try blowing it up or not. What if this was all a ploy and it was sent by an enemy to destroy him or something? All though it talked all formal, it sounded kind of…human.
"Dude, is it talking?! Put me on FaceTime, I wanna see!" Kirishima whined from the other end. Ground Zero, without taking his eyes from the thing, pulled the phone down from his ear, tapped the screen twice, then weakly held the phone up for Kirishima.
"Wow! It's kinda hot. I've read about them online but I didn't think they were actually real. Go activate it."
"What if—"
"Shhh! Go do it!"
Mumbling, Bakugo waited a moment for the pain to subside before limping to the android. He grabbed a nearby cane and jabbed the bot with it. No response.
The blond glanced down at the hands. Gingerly, he pressed their palms together. His hands were only slightly bigger, but he took pride in it anyway. The skin was soft, warm under his own.
"Name, Bakugo Katsuki. Age, 22. Temperature, 99.2 degrees. Heart rate, increasing. Last thing eaten, two days ago, spicy tuna roll. Serotonin levels, low. Injuries, many, grave. Sleep cycle—sir, please place your hand into mine to complete registration. Sir, please place your hand into mine to complete registration. Sir, please-"
No. No. No no no! Noone or no thing should know this much about a man just from a touch! This was creepy! This was immoral! An invasion of privacy!
"What the hell! Sh-shut down! Self destruct!" Bakugo shouted.
"I'm sorry, I am unable to complete your requests as they are not within my programming."
"What do you mean they're not within your programming?!"
The thing went on to explain what it meant, breaking down each word by the definition. But Bakugo didn't listen, only tried pushing it out the door. It was much too heavy for his weakened form and he stopped as soon as pain gripped his entire being.
"Bakugo, I want to see what it does next, stop messing around!" Kirishima complained. Bakugo hung up and hobbled away from the android. Its eyes followed him wherever he went, but it didn't speak or move.
For four days, Bakugo would leave it standing there by the door, prodding it with something whenever he passed it on the way to and from the kitchen. No response. He stayed up most of the night, peering around the doorway to look at it. The pain left him unable to sleep most nights anyway, but now he definitely couldn't sleep with this intruder here! He couldn't even comfortably take a shit! What if it came barging in?! What if it was recording him, live streaming his every move to high paying scumbags? Refusing to be caught off guard, he'd poop with the door cracked. They would stare at each other the entire time through the crack, unblinking. Well, at least until the water splashed up his ass.
On the fifth day he was fed up. He wanted this thing out of his house! And if he couldn't move it himself, maybe he could command it out…
Distressed, he called his best bro again. He needed someone to witness his death if this thing suddenly decided to kill him upon activation.
"Dude, if someone wanted to use it to kill you it would've already done that. Just give it a try, and if you don't like it, give it to me."
He had a point there. But still…
Apprehensive, he slowly reached to hold its hand. It chimed again.
"Continuing registration…" It took a moment to buffer. "Sleep cycle, nonexistent. Paranoia, increasing. Hygiene, needs improvement. Registration complete! I am now fully active. Thank you for registering with Hatsume Industries! I am pleased-"
"Get out."
"I'm sorry, I am unable to complete your request at this time."
"What the hell!" How could his plan fail in 3 seconds flat?! He faintly heard Kirishima's disappointed huff in his ear.
"I am pleased to have Bakugo Katsuki as my owner! You may register a nickname if you prefer. This setting is accessible at any time. Hold my hand to access the menu." It demonstrated, a hologram menu projecting from its chest. "I require no food, water, air, or sleep, but am able to digest food, breathe, and sleep as humans can. I am made to resemble humans, and feel emotions as humans do. If this causes you distress, you may turn these settings off at any time. I am self repairing, but if damages are too great, I am to be sent back to the factory for repair at no cost to you. This is a lifetime warranty. There are three settings that cannot be overridden—one,"
"Blah, blah, blah! Okay, just, stop talking! I get it!" Bakugo backed away and ended up tripping over the carpet. He fell on his rump. Pain sizzled up his spine, but he bit back a yowl. His eyes watered but he inwardly commanded the tears back inside his body.
"My sensors indicate that my owner is in distress. How can I help?" It tilted its head like a confused puppy, extending its hand as if to help him up. The display would've been precious if it hadn't been so damn demeaning! The blond slapped its hand away, using the nearby coffee table to hoist himself upright.
"Hey, Midoriya, play Careless Whisper!"
The android straightened. "Playing Careless Whisper by George-"
"Shut the fuck up, shitty hair! Midoriya, stop!"
The music stopped just as it began playing.
"Hey, Midoriya, play All Might's theme song!" Another voice joined them on the call. Kirishima laughed as Denki's face suddenly pressed against his. Their smiling faces filled the screen. Bakugo had forgotten they lived together.
"I'm going to kill the both you," Bakugo threatened just as the song blared.
"Playing 'I've come', All Might's theme extended." The staccato string melody floated into the room, followed by the trill of the woodwinds. It did calm Bakugo down a little bit but that was not the point! With an annoyed grunt, the blond hung up the phone and tossed it onto the nearby sofa. He actually let the song play out before straight up punching the android in the chest. Did it hurt Bakugo more than the thing? Yes. Did he care? No.
"My sensors indicate your aggression levels has risen. Would you like me to play calming music or draw you a warm bath? Statics show that masturbation-"
"No, I want you out of my fucking house!"
"I'm sorry, I cannot complete your request at this time."
Small explosions went off in his hands as he screamed in pure frustration.
"Go stand in the corner!" He pointed to the corner. The thing did as commanded.
The blond hobbled to his room, slamming the door. Then he opened it an inch or two so he could keep an eye on the damned thing. It stared back at him. With its dumb, creepy, kind-of-cute-puppy-dog eyes!
He fell onto his bed, throwing his arm over his eyes to block out the light he'd forgotten to turn off on his way in. Maybe he could get Kirishima to come pick it up in the morning…