Ten
Dean had had this dream many times before.
He was in a desert he'd never visited in his waking life. Something out of an America album for sure. Cacti surrounded him, towering over his head, and stretching up into the purple, pink, and blue sky. The dry and cracked ground pushed his feet back up towards him with every stride. As he ran, dust kicked up.
He knew he was being followed, but he never knew by what.
Some fearsome creature that even he wouldn't face alone, and Sam was never in this dream. So, he stood practically no chance. He was completely alone, as usual. Dean panted, turning a corner, and ducking behind a rock. He clutched his shirt close, his chest hurting from the lack of water. He pawed for a weapon. Nothing in any of his pockets. Nothing he could use on the ground. Any rocks he picked up were made of clay and crumbled almost immediately in his palms. There was no way he was grabbing a cactus with his bare hands.
He remembered the next part well.
The fear subsided at the call of a hawk in the distance, growing ever closer as Dean closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing.
He opened one of them, peeking over at the arm of a nearby cactus. Upon it sat a medium sized tawny brown hawk. The same one that always appeared at this moment every time in the dream. Its feathers were pressed against its sides, sporting the black tips they always had. It cocked its head at Dean, as it always did.
Its eyes, a beautiful blue, flashed white as it took flight from the cactus and went off to take care of whatever was chasing Dean. A flash of brilliant white and gold around the corner of the large rock signaled to Dean it was over.
The next part never came.
The hawk always came back, waddled up to him, stared, and sat for a moment until Dean gained his bearings. This time, after the light, the hawk never reemerged. Dean's eyes flew open, but he did not dare turn his head to look around the side of the rock. His heart started to pound unnaturally.
Finally, Dean let a loud scream escape his throat.
Dean shot up in bed, drenched with sweat so badly he'd soaked the bed. He hadn't had that dream in months, it seemed. Although, he recalled every detail. It always ended differently. The hawk always came back.
This time, it had left him alone.
Dean felt his stomach twist at the thought of that and thrust his bottom half out of bed, so he was sitting up. He began to try and calm his breathing by keeping his eyes closed and placing his head between his knees. He ran his hands across his face, swallowing hard to try and rid himself of cotton mouth.
Scenes from the night before came back to him. Castiel and what he'd done. Castiel pushing away from him and seemingly uncomfortable with what had transpired.
Dean resisted the urge to panic. Instead, he dragged himself into the guest room bathroom and started up the shower. He stripped and climbed in, letting the hot water cleanse him. His eyes burned at the salt falling in his eyes from sweat and Dean leaned against the wall.
He could still feel Castiel's stubble on his lips.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-
"There's the sleepy head," Jody announced. "Coffee's ready for whenever."
Dean couldn't find words, so he simply nodded at the sight of Jody, Sam, and Eileen all sitting at the dining room table. Their conversations having ceased the moment Dean entered the room. Eileen gave him a sheepish smile. Sam seemed to avoid eye contact.
Dean poured himself a cup and sat down.
"Anybody seen Cas?"
Dean practically choked out the words. He could hear the sound of Pearl Jam playing in the distance, coming from Claire's room. Alex was nowhere to be found again, probably off doing homework or studying somewhere. Patience still hadn't returned.
Yet, Dean could feel the gloomy absence in the house other than just them.
"You know Cas," Sam replied. "He just disappears without reason sometimes. He'll come back."
Dean swallowed hard. His dream. The hawk. Castiel. What if he didn't come back? An even worse scenario crossed through Dean's mind.
What if Castiel didn't want to come back this time?
-8-8-8-8-8-8-
After the brothers had loaded up the Impala, Sam posed the question of Eileen crashing with them for a few nights. He pressed the fact that she had come in handy on the last hunt and that she had even more vital information to share regarding other creatures she'd encountered recently. He mentioned it would be good for them to have somebody else around, forcing them to be at least somewhat social.
Dean also knew, Sam wanted to bang her guts every chance he got.
Dean agreed, far less worried about the things going on with his little brother, and he could Sam was genuinely shocked at the answer, but secretly delighted. Wordlessly, Eileen nodded at Dean as she tossed her backpack in the passenger side of her car and started it up a moment later.
Jody hugged both the brothers, giving them a warm smile, and patting them on their backs.
"Be safe." She said.
They knew that she knew what was bound to happen soon, it had just yet to be spoken aloud. Jody wasn't stupid and unfortunately, neither was Chuck. The Winchesters knew something big was to happen soon, it was just a matter of when or where.
Either way, Sam and Dean would be there to pick up the pieces and hopefully keep everyone they cared about alive for another day.
Claire fist bumped Dean before he walked away to join Sam in the car.
"I think you should tell him," Claire said. "Tell all of them. Our brains always dream up the worst thing that could ever happen in response to things, but what if the worst that happens is something great?"
Dean smiled and nodded, taking Claire's words in, and knowing she was right. There would be time for that later though. It was safer if it was later.
Right now, he just wanted to get home.
The radio blared U2's All I Want Is You and though Dean wanted desperately to change it, he resisted. It's somberness matched his mood.
Neither brother spoke as they pulled out of Jody's driveway, Eileen on their tail, and started the long journey back to the bunker.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-
The sun was starting to set the moment they pulled the cars up the bunker and Sam rolled his neck before stiffly stepping out of the Impala. He smiled as Eileen exited her car and started walking over to her to take her bag.
Dean watched the exchange with both fascination and a strange jealousy that overtook him, crawled under his skin, and made a home. He hadn't seen Sam smile like that in ages. Appearing as though he was floating on a cloud, and Eileen providing the calm he so desperately needed.
Dean tried not to think of Castiel and slammed the car door, thrusting his bag over his shoulder and opening the door for the others.
Eileen had stayed mostly quiet at dinner. Fielding the Winchester's questions as they came and showing Sam various texts she'd discovered recently. Eventually, the two of them were engrossed in their own world, and Dean took the cue to leave.
Dean made it to his empty room and flipped on the lights. The neatly made double bed a grim reminder he would be sleeping alone tonight. He could always go into town and find somebody to keep it warm for the night, but it seemed futile at this point.
He felt guilty about even thinking it.
He dropped his bag at the foot of the bed and cracked open the mini fridge, pulling out a six pack and cracking one open as he kicked off his boots. He made his way over to the record player and speakers in the corner and flipped through the LPs nearby. Once he settled on a worthy one, he popped it on the player, and the music began.
"What heaven brought you and me cannot be forgotten."
The room was soundproof. Nobody heard the sound of Dean singing along to the Crosby, Stills, and Nash song over and over again. His voice cracked towards the last beer. His brain was slightly foggy once he broke into the whiskey.
"Somebody fine will come along make me forget about loving you."
He couldn't see Castiel, the angel had made sure of that fact as he watched, invisible, from the doorway. The angel sighed and turned his head in shame. It was his fault Dean felt this way, but there was no approaching a snake as poisonous as this one without getting bit.
Dean would never say it aloud, not sober. Castiel refused to do anything else to make Dean uncomfortable or scared. He'd done enough of that over the years.
He'd settle for watching the hunter in one of his more vulnerable states, letting his emotions out in the only way he knew how when nobody else saw.
Castiel flew away once the song stopped for the tenth time.
-8-8-8-8-8-
Long after Sam and Eileen had cleaned up their mess from dinner, they still sat at the map table going over spells and Sam compiled information Eileen provided him. Eileen sat, sighing occasionally, and fidgeting under the table. Her leg shook up and down and she practically jumped every time Sam said something.
"Are you okay?" Sam finally asked, frustrated once more that she hadn't heard him ask her something moments ago. He signed it as well, waiting for her response.
Eileen hesitated. The words stuck in her throat for a moment before they finally came free and her heart started to pound. Sam stared at her, starting to feel his own anxiety level rise at the seriousness in her gaze.
"Sam," she took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm late…"
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WOW I really threw things for a loop in this chapter. That ending though ;) I promise things will be either come to light or be resolved soon. Thanks to everyone for their patience when it comes to updates. I'm back to working basically full time (a blessing for bills, but a curse for free time) and I'm loving it. I haven't forgotten about any of y'all though. Your wonderful, heartfelt comments keep me going and keep me writing. So, again thank you from the bottom of my heart and the next update will come soon!