Twelve

The brothers pulled into a motel for the night, not wanting to continue such a long drive with fading daylight. Dean ordered two rooms. He didn't want to share tonight. In fact, he was about ready to get blasted out of his mind.

Sam was on a video call with Eileen.

"I wanted to call you earlier Sam," she said. "Then my phone died. Then I couldn't find a damn charger."

"Eileen," Sam stopped her from rambling. "It's fine. Just…tell me."

"When I went to take the test it came," Eileen explained. "I'm not pregnant, Sam. I was just late. Might have been stress or any number of factors."

Sam let out a deep sigh of relief. Or at least, for a moment he was relieved. Then, he felt an overwhelming emptiness take over. He'd cooked up scenarios for the past few nights. Pictures and images of a little brown-haired girl, he'd been convinced he was going to have a daughter, running around the bunker and eventually, their own house. Sam would have left the life. He would have made sure this time. A normal life. A normal job. A family.

He didn't have long to think about it because he felt eyes on him.

An angry looking Dean walked out of the motel room door slammed it behind him.

"I'll have to call you back…" Sam said to Eileen.

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"Dean…" Sam called after his brother as he followed him to the car.

Dean stomped towards the driver's side, eventually turning around quickly, and staring him down.

"So," Dean said. "You wanna explain what happened in there?"

Sam stared long and hard at him for a moment, realizing the tone in Dean's voice, and the way of his words. If there was one thing Sam hated more than anything else, it was being spoken to by anyone the same way his dad had spoken to him.

"I'm sure you've had plenty of scares yourself from the women you've laid over the years." Sam replied in monotony.

"Yeah, but that doesn't make it okay to fantasize about something that's never going to happen!" Dean answered, louder than necessary. Sam tried hard not to yell himself.

"You are such a hypocrite," Sam said. "You know that? You always go on and on about this life you supposedly want when we're done with all this. I tried to find that on my own and I got dragged right back into this hell because of you, because of dad."

Dean was taken aback. He stared at Sam as though he had three heads.

"I don't think you actually want it," Sam shook his head. "Not without the right person and you are being so goddamn pussyfooted about that as well."

"Well somebody's got balls all of a sudden." Dean glared.

"Am I wrong?" Sam gave Dean a questioning look.

Dean took a moment, collecting his thoughts and taking a breath. He didn't want to yell at Sam. Not right now and not right here. What he needed was a drink or two or three.

"Dad wouldn't care Dean," Sam said. "I know you're hung up on that and you have been for most of your life. He may have been a shitty person sometimes, but he wasn't a bigot. He helped everyone, regardless of what or who they loved."

"You're telling me dad wouldn't say something if he walked in on either one of us kissing another dude?" Dean suggested, staring hard into Sam's eyes.

"He didn't stop me in college," Sam challenged. "And he wouldn't stop you now."

Dean's eyes widened at Sam's confession, just slipped in there quickly like a snake in a burrow. Sam put his hands in his pockets, debating saying something else to Dean, but Dean just shook his head and climbed into the Impala. He started the engine and gunned it in reverse. Sam jumped away from the tires, staring as Dean took off driving into town.

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Dean took a long gulp of his whiskey and groaned.

So far, he'd consumed three drinks and was working on a fourth. He knew damn well he'd be too drunk to drive. He'd already left his keys with the bartender, promising to come back for them and the car tomorrow. Doing the right thing came naturally for him.

So, why had he allowed himself to yell at Sam?

Dean took another swig and sighed, feeling a presence to the right of him.

"This seat taken?" a voice said, and Dean turned to tell him no and wave him forward, but he stopped, and he was sure he was staring, but there was no way not to.

Once his eyes focused, Dean saw the man was quite handsome. He had dark brown, almost black hair, and misty blue eyes. He was sporting some stubble and wearing a black button-down short-sleeve shirt with the collar undone. He wore blue jeans and vans. He walked with the swagger as though he owned the world. His fingers curled around a freshly washed glass filled with the same amber liquid Dean was consuming and Dean's thoughts briefly turned dirty.

"No," he thought to himself. "This isn't you."

It was him. Just a "him" he didn't want to be for a list of definitive reasons he wouldn't dare speak aloud.

The jukebox blasted an old REM song. Dean swallowed; his throat had become increasingly dry.

"Good choice," the words fell out before Dean could stop them. He motioned to the glass.

"Your drink, that is."

"Whiskey man through and through," the man chuckled. "Til the day I die. I could say the same for you, man."

The man swallowed his whiskey and Dean shuffled his legs on the barstool.

"Any other compliments you want to pay me this evening?" the man smirked and let out a beautiful laugh.

The same kind of beautiful laugh Jamie Bower had let out in life. The same kind of smile Castiel had showed ever so rarely at first, but in later years, more often.

"You just look like somebody I know," Dean replied, sort of sheepishly. "And somebody I used to know."

"I must be pretty damn good looking either way," the man replied. "Your eyes haven't left me since the moment I sat down."

"Don't do this man," Dean's brain practically screamed at him. "You don't want to do this."

"Oh," Dean silently replied, his groin finally winning out. "But I do."

"If I may be bold," Dean knew it had to be the whiskey. It had all hit at once. That was it.

"You look like sex on legs."

The man smirked.

"Jay." He leaned in close, providing Dean with his name, and gave a sinful smile. The jukebox changed again. Lips Like Sugar by Echo and The Bunnymen.

"Shall we?" he motioned to the door.

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Dean walked backwards into his motel room. He tried his best not to trip over his own feet. His heart pounded. He felt like a virgin all over again. Jay quietly slipped into the room too and shut the door behind them.

Dean swallowed hard. Thinking repeatedly the harder he stared that Jay's smile should be illegal.

Jay moved so fluidly, crawling atop Dean as he lowered down into the sheets, never once breaking eye contact. Jay unbuttoned each button on his shirt slowly, teasingly, until he finally removed his shirt and Dean's eyes traveled down from his shoulders to his hips.

"Well I think it's highly unfair for my clothes to be the only ones lost here." Jay chuckled and pulled Dean's hand to the front of his pants so he could feel him.

Jay was muscular, but fit and slender. He had a tattoo of a rabid piranha on his left shoulder.

Dean licked his lips and returned his attention to Jay's face. Jay cupped his cheek and kissed him, slowly and fully. His lips hugging Dean's every time. Dean's eyes closed and he practically melted into the embrace. Jay tasted like whiskey and lime from his last drink: a Corona Light.

Dean's mind wandered into blissful territory when Jay's lips went elsewhere.

Dean stared at the popcorn ceiling and the fan above spun, along with the room. He could die right here, and he wouldn't mind. His thoughts were a jumbled mess between ecstasy and his fight with Sam. Pleasure and various people giving him advice over and over again.

Castiel's face came up several times towards the end.

Dean saw stars when he finished and then he looked over and saw something else.

Castiel stood in the doorway, probably having mistaken Dean's thoughts for prayer, and his face was what Dean could only describe as Castiel's version of awestruck.

Jay swallowed hard, looking Dean in the eyes with lidded eyes of his own, and he panted as he turned to face where Dean was staring worriedly.

"Oh shit," Jay laughed. "Busted."

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A/N: Well that got a bit raunchier than I had intended, but I knew Dean needed to act out in typical Dean fashion. That, and Castiel and he needed just a wee bit more drama because I'm a terrible person and you guys love it ;) and this was the perfect dose of it. Also, who doesn't love a bit of brother drama too! Don't worry all will be resolved soon.

Jay is not a permanent OC of mine. He exists for the sole purpose of this chapter. Although, I can imagine he's the adventurous type. I also wanted somebody else to come in that looked like Cas to further solidify Dean's type. Jay also assumes Castiel is Dean's boyfriend at the end of this so there's that as well ;)

As everyone can see, I survived the hurricane. The power went out for a day, but I've been working every day since until now. I have a day off tomorrow, and I plan on spending it writing both fanfiction and my personal writing :)

See everyone in the next chapter! Hope you all enjoyed!

Songs Mentioned:

So Central Rain by REM

Lips Like Sugar by Echo and The Bunnymen