Fourteen

Dean had to be dreaming.

That was it, he was dreaming. Always dreaming at the most inconvenient times. Even from a young age Sam had always said Dean would be able to sleep through a nuclear war if he was so inclined.

So, why did he feel so awake?

The forest looked the same as when he had left the bunker, only now there was a surprising lack of rain. He was missing the Jack Daniels bottle, probably having dropped it somewhere along the way. Dean looked around.

The trees were darker. There was a sort of haze around him, filling the air with a misty soft light from what was left of the sun behind clouds. There was an electric charge in the air, but it did not frighten him. In fact, it was rather inviting.

"Nice, ain't it?"

The voice behind him was familiar. Dean turned around slowly, feeling no apprehension whatsoever as he turned to look at the pale gangly man behind him.

This was the Jamie Bower he remembered. Pale, almost stringy hair, and faded track marks up his arms. He hadn't gotten any worse from that last time Dean suspected it was the end. He hadn't answered his phone and had claimed that binge was the last.

It was the last alright.

"Yeah," Dean commented, walking over to the man, and inspecting him from a closer angle. "For a dream."

"Funny," Jamie smirked and put his hands in his pockets. "I said the same thing when I first came here."

The black-haired man looked over at the lake that had suddenly materialized beside them. Dean watched it ripple by the bank, showing the faces he'd seen before he remembered things going black. Jamie started to walk away from the water's edge, more towards the faraway tree line.

"C'mon," he motioned for Dean to come after him. "They'll follow."

Dean had begun to walk, not noticing that the figures from the lake had somehow walked out of it. Lee, his father. Even his mother had joined the party. It was strange.

It was only those who were dead that had emerged.

Dean begun to panic.

"I'm in that lake right now, aren't I?"

Jamie turned to face Dean. Lee had his arm entangled with Dean's arm, smiling over at him the same way he did when they were alone in motel rooms way back when. Mary and John walked hand in hand beside the two, both of them looking over with two different ranges of emotion.

John was indifferent, but his eyes still roamed over where Dean's hand had come to rest in Lee's. Mary had a delighted smile, as though she was happy Dean had finally admitted it to himself. Dean met John's eyes and the older man nodded.

No words were spoken. They didn't need to be.

An eerie song played in the distance beyond the trees. A series of cries from birds echoed through the trunks and the air. Jamie gave a disgruntled look to the sky.

"All those damn hawks," he commented. "Making a racket."

Suddenly Dean was alone. All the figures from the lake had vanished, the woods had gone completely dark, and it was hard to see. Dean squinted to adjust his vision and gasped when he saw a giant hawk coming right at him, talons outstretched for the hunter's body.

Dean closed his eyes tightly and braced for impact.

-8-8-8-8-8-8-

"Is he breathing?"

"Get him on the bed, get him out of those clothes!"

"Damn it Dean, c'mon man!"

Dean's ears rung as his world slowly came back into focus via his ears. His eyes still remained shut until the ringing stopped and then, slowly, he cracked them open. Dean blinked a few times, taking a few minutes to figure out where he was.

Sam, Eileen, and Castiel all loomed over him, wearing looks of anger and shame.

"What," Dean's voice cracked and came out hoarse. "What happened?"

"Well," Sam sighed. "You decided to take a drunken nighttime swim. If it weren't for Cas, you'd probably be dead."

Dean glanced over at the angel, whose gaze was filled with anguish and fatigue. Dean's stomach dropped to his feet. Castiel had been looking out for him once again, and what had Dean done to show for it? Almost drowned in a lake.

He remembered now. Dropping the bottle, tumbling into the water.

He had never felt worse in his life than this moment.

"I'll leave the two of you alone," Sam remarked. "I think you've both got a lot to discuss."

Sam and Eileen left the room, closing the door behind them with a loud bang. Castiel sat by the bedside still, staring forward at the wall. Dean looked down at his lower half. He was in his boxers, but not the ones he'd started the day with. One of Sam's t-shirts adorned his chest. The sheets were slightly damp. Dean's eyes flitted over to where his clothes were strewn over the back of a chair.

"You're in Sam's room," Castiel explained. "Time was of the essence to revive you. This was the closest bed."

"Cas I-."

"Let me guess," Castiel replied, his voice heavy with annoyance. "You're sorry."

Dean hung his head, remaining silent.

"I have been alive for billions upon billions of years Dean Winchester," Castiel said. "I have seen a great deal of things in my time in Heaven and on Earth. I have witnessed creation and destruction, disaster and miracle, love and hate."

Dean listened. His head and his eyes felt heavy. His chest constricted.

"Never have I seen such a fearful individual," he continued. "You desire peace and happiness and yet, you are somehow so hellbent on your own self destruction that it's sick. You assume the worst of people, yet desire so much more from them. You cannot be honest with yourself nor those closest to you, yet you can share these secrets with total strangers and feel safe."

Dean cringed. Castiel wasn't wrong, it was just so hard hearing it.

"Yet," Castiel paused. "I am hopelessly and unequivocally in love with you."

Dean's heart started to beat faster. His eyes widened and his mouth hung open ever so slightly as he stared into Castiel's eyes. The angel's blues were almost as beautiful as Dean determined Heaven must be when it's not trying to implode on itself.

In a way, Castiel had captured all of Heaven in him. After all, he was the last good part left.

"I know you feel the same," Castiel continued. "I have seen hints of it over the years we've come to know one another. I have also heard that the human concept of telling people these things can be terrifying for a myriad of reasons, but you said it yourself Dean. Life doesn't get any easier for guys like you and Sam. There might as well be happiness along the way, or what is the point."

Dean swallowed hard, wanting to say something, anything, but no words would come out.

"I will leave you for now," Castiel stood and nodded. "I'll come back to check on you in a bit. Get some rest."

Castiel left and the door closed behind him. The room fell silent.

Dean held his head in his hands and begun to cry.

Read and Review!

Whew, just more emotion right there! At least everything is out in the open for everyone now and things are ripe for discussion. Speaking of that, I'm thinking about just one more chapter. An epilogue of sorts, where everything will hopefully be resolved (we'll see where the muse takes me, but I think I may be a fan of a happy ending this time). Just thought I'd pack a punch with the feels beforehand.

I will see everyone when that chapter comes out! If you're in the path of the two hurricanes down south, stay safe and evacuate if you're told to. Stay safe from COVID as well.