Prologue

The incredulous look on Klaus's face was making Isadora feel like she might be the world's biggest ass. She was one hundred percent aware of how condescending her voice sounded right now, but she couldn't help it. She had tried being reasonable, tried being forceful. She had tried crying and screaming and pleading, and now it had come to this…this cold choice she thought nobody should have to make, yet alone Klaus, the man she loved, but it was too late to take it back. The whole evening had been boiling down to this.

"Do I need to spell it out for you, Klaus? It's either going to be her…" She couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice when she said 'her'. God, Isadora didn't know why she was doing this, torturing both him and herself. Except, she did know. She was tired of always coming second in his life and she absolutely hated this ever present fear of losing him. This fear of certain rejection swallowed her whole, making her feel cold from the inside out, because she already knew whom he would choose, whom he always chose.

She didn't totally blame Violet. It wasn't her fault, not really. A year ago, Klaus's older sister had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Isadora had been horrified for her dear friend, and she and Klaus had been with her every step of the way through surgery, recovery and then radiation. Violet had no one else to help her, so Klaus, and of course Isadora by default, had stepped up to the plate without complaint. They'd both stayed with her for a few days after her surgery, taking turns changing her bandages and helping her to the bathroom. Isadora had felt like a saintly nurse, but then, even after that, Klaus spent a lot of time at Violet's. She'd been so weak that day to day life had been almost impossible for her, so the shopping, the cooking, and the cleaning had fallen to Klaus. He'd even volunteered to take her to doctor's appointments so that he could be present to have first hand knowledge of everything the physicians said. His main goal was to stay on top of the disease.

At first, Isadora had admired Klaus's devotion to Violet. It was very noble of him, and almost poetic, to offer to take care of his sister in her dire time of need and she had been proud that Klaus was such a caring individual, knowing he would do the same if she herself became ill. But as time went on, the trips to Violet's got old pretty quick. She lived out at the beach, which made for a nice vacation, sure, but was hell to get to from the city. He was always tired. He had work and was on the road between cities, which was no small distance at nearly eighty miles each way, plus doing Violet's various chores, that there wasn't anything left over for Isadora. Before long Klaus was drained emotionally and physically. The whole sorry episode had gone on for two months and maybe things would have been okay, except that the nightmare didn't end there.

The cancer had spread through Violet's body like wildfire. Klaus didn't give up. The news only spurred him on, lit a fire in him. He became even more single-minded, where his every spare moment or thought or conversation seemed to center around Violet's illness, her cancer treatments, her chemotherapy. When one treatment failed, Klaus was never down for the count, but rallied Violet and the doctors for the next round. Always, always, always it was that maybe this next thing would be the cure or this treatment will surely work. Klaus was a wonderful researcher, after all, and each new idea filled him with renewed hope. These days Isadora thought hope was the worst sort of four letter word.

Isadora could see Klaus was tired, but still, she wanted more from him. She wanted a child. Way back before Violet had told them about her diagnosis, Isadora and Klaus had joyfully decided that it was time to start trying for a baby. She had thought, maybe naively, that she would've been pregnant by now, that it would be easy, but a whole year had passed and still she hadn't missed a single period.

Then, several weeks ago, on a night when she'd had to cajole an exhausted Klaus from his computer into coming to bed with her, he had pulled a condom from his nightstand drawer. Disappointment numbed her entire body. With sick realization, she understood that he didn't want to have a child with her anymore. Maybe, he didn't even want her anymore.

"Why?" was all she asked as she watched him open the little foil packet.

He knew right away what she meant. "I don't think now is a good time, Izzy. With Violet being so ill… I just" -he sighed and lifted his shoulders in a small shrug- "I just don't have anything left to give right now, you know?" He'd paused and gave her a look filled with so much sorrow, and somehow Isadora didn't think any of it was for her. "I'm sorry. Maybe we can try again in a few months." Needless to say that their sex life had fallen to the wayside after that.

But the last straw was something so trivial in comparison, as last straws often are. It was Isadora's birthday. She was going to be thirty, but it wasn't just her birthday, was it? It was a triplet birthday. Isadora, along with Duncan and Quigley and their wives had been planning a special celebration trip for the last six months. The plan was to fly cross country to Vancouver to embark on an epic journey that would take them on a seventeen day cruise to Hawaii and then back to Seattle, only to head north to Alaska for nine more days. So much had gone into the planning; standing in line for hours at the passport office, saving up money for months, hotel reservations, and now Klaus was saying that he wasn't going and of course it was because of Violet. The disappointment was too much to bear. She'd been looking forward to having Klaus all to herself, if only for a little while. Oh, how she craved five minutes of his undivided attention.

All evening long they had been fighting about it, which led them back to this awful thing that Isadora couldn't seem to stop herself from saying, although she didn't need to be psychic to know what the outcome would be. "It's either going to be her or it's going to be me," she said slowly, as if she was talking to a child. God, the look on his face.

"It's not that I don't understand your words, Izzy. It's that I just don't understand why I'm being given this ultimatum." Klaus looked gloriously indignant. "You're asking me to choose between my wife and my sister? It isn't fair. I'm just trying to do what's right here and I feel like I'm being punished for it."

"Klaus," she said shortly. "All I'm asking is that you to come to Hawaii with me. Can't you see how important it is to me?"

"You know I can't leave Violet that long, not right now. You've seen how weak she is after her chemo treatments. She has no one else."

"She has Sunny. Let Sunny take care of her for a few weeks," Isadora suggested for the umpteenth time. Like she said, they'd been round and round all night.

"And you know I would never ask Sunny to leave college in the middle of the semester," Klaus said tiredly, brushing his long fingers over his tense brow.

"Then hire a nurse, for all I care," replied Isadora, her voice rising and she threw her arms up in exasperation, because he was shaking his head, already rejecting the idea.

"It's just too long. I don't want to be away for that long. I'm sorry, but too many things could happen." He said it like he expected her to understand, but she wouldn't let herself be guilted by him. Not this time.

Isadora nodded her head silently, conceding defeat. She didn't cry. She was done crying over poor, poor Violet, who couldn't help that she was dying of cancer, and Klaus, who couldn't let go. "So, you choose her." It wasn't a question.

"Isadora," Klaus said quietly, "don't do this. It's not you or her. I love you both. It doesn't have to be like this."

"Except, this time, I think it does have to be like this." Isadora hardened her heart and raised her chin a little higher. "I'm leaving in the morning for Vancouver." Her luggage was all packed and waiting in a neat, lonely pile by the front door. "That'll give you more than enough time to pack your things and be out before I get back."

"Isadora," Klaus implored, as if he thought she just needed to see reason.

"Good night, Klaus. I'll sleep in the guest room tonight," she announced, turning away so she didn't have to look at him. "Will I see you in the morning?" Isadora kept her tone even and her eyes trained on the open door of their bedroom, fixed on making her escape, because she was oh, so tired.

Klaus caught her hand as she walked past him, stopping her. "Izzy, please." He said her name so familiarly, so tenderly, it almost broke her heart.

"I'm sorry," she said and reached up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "I need more from you and, like you said before, you just don't have anything to give right now. You don't have to tell me I'm being selfish, I know it," she admitted, shaking her head at herself, "but I can't help the way I feel. It's not good between us. It hasn't been for awhile."

He had nothing else to say, it seemed, that hadn't already been said.

"Maybe it's better if you don't see me off in the morning." Then she left.