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The beach house brought another wave of memories for Connie. The familiar screen door, the welcoming kitchen, and the stairs that went up to Steven's old room. Happy laughter, lots of singing, and lots of whispered, secret conversations while watching movies together.
Once inside, Steven let go of Connie to fall face down on the couch and hide his face in the cushions. One flip flop off, another just barely on his foot, back rising and falling as he inhaled and exhaled.
Connie recognized this posture. When he had healed her eyes years ago, he had ridden up to their picnic on Lion's back, only to slide off and land facedown in the grass, a miserable little heap on the ground. It was the posture he took when he was done with everything and just wanted to forget it all.
With a small smile, she went to the kitchen and found that she remembered where everything was. She pulled down two mugs and filled them with water, microwaving them for two minutes. As they heated she took off her shoes and sword, laying them by the door. Steven didn't stir, and she was reminded of when he had been asleep in the cave, and she had taken care of them.
The hot water was mixed carefully with the hot chocolate mix and milk, and she sprinkled in some marshmallows. Carrying them so they wouldn't spill, feet making a soft sound on the floor as she walked slowly, she set the mugs on the coffee table and then went to the closet by the stairs. Opening it, she found the quilt she was looking for. She smiled. She was remembering more and more all the time.
"Earth to Steven," she hummed softly, stroking his curly hair. "Can you sit up for a minute so I can squeeze in here?"
He inhaled deeply and raised himself into a sitting position, looking at her with bleary, sleepy eyes. She chuckled at his blank expression and said, "I made us hot chocolate if you want some."
Steven looked down at the hot cocoa and quickly reached for one, taking a long drink and nibbling on marshmallows. Connie sat down next to him on the couch, her own mug in her hands, sipping the calming, warm chocolate-y goodness.
He set his mug on the table and turned to her, eyes tired but full of longing. She noticed that his eyes lingered on her lips, but with a sigh he rested his head on her shoulder, eyes closed. She felt herself blushing, smart enough to know what thought had run through his mind while he gazed at her mouth.
"Do you remember everything?" He asked softly, voice barely above a whisper, yet she could hear his hope in his tone. "You seem more like yourself tonight."
She blinked, cheeks flushed, then carefully set her mug on the table. "How…could I know?" She asked softly, tone as gentle and kind as she could make it. "I feel at home with you and as Stevonnie, and here in this house. But I don't know if it will be obvious when I remember everything." She looked down. "I don't know what will happen."
He sighed and laid himself down on her lap, gazing up at her with tired eyes. She looked intently at him as he began, "I know, I just…" and trailed off again, looking away.
She laughed. "What is it, Universe?" She asked, guiding his gaze back to her by gently tugging on his chin. Her smile faded as a tear ran down the side of his face, disappearing into his curly hair.
"I…I really want to kiss you," he said, eyes pleading for her to understand. "I've wanted to kiss your forehead, your hand, and your lips ever since the cave, and it's stupid but I really miss showing you how much I love you with a kiss. And I miss your kisses too. But you need time to heal, and I don't want to take that away from you."
He reached up and ran his fingers along her buzzed hair at the nape of her neck, then pausing at her scar. "My healing powers might shock you and actually hurt your road to wholeness again." She saw sudden regret on his face, and he quickly began to back pedal, saying "A-and it's not your fault! Please don't feel guilty, I'll be okay, just forget I said anything!"
"Thank you," said Connie softly, rubbing his temple with her thumb as her hand cupped his face. Her eyes were kind as she said, "I realized why you weren't kissing me while I was still in the hospital, when I remembered your healing powers. And it shows me how deeply you love me. A lesser boyfriend would have just kissed me, but by not kissing me you are showing me you actually care."
She leaned down and kissed his forehead, the loving gesture calming him. "You are taking very good care of me."
He covered his face with his hands began to cry in relief. She pulled him up into a tight hug, quietly letting him cry. "It's been so hard, Connie!" He sobbed. "Because I love you so much! I've wanted so many times to just lean over and kiss all your pain away! And then all this stuff with Ametrine! And I'm so selfish," He cried, grabbing fistfuls his hair, "because I just want to take care of you and I'm still dumping all this junk that I carry onto you!"
She hugged him tighter as he gave a shuddering sob and cried, "I'm sorry I'm like this!"
"Shut up, Steven."
He hiccuped, and pulled away, staring at her in shock. Her growled interjection had startled him into silence. Tears were trickling down her cheeks as she glared at him. "You aren't being selfish. You are being honest with me, and you are contributing to our relationship by showing me the pain you feel."
Steven's eyes widened as the word "contribute" reminded him of Garnet's conversation with him. Connie reached forward and began wiping his tears. "When we were Stevonnie, you saw my mind," she said softly, eyebrows still furrowed, "Did I seem unhappy with you? Or neglected?"
Steven opened his mouth to respond, then paused. "You were happy," he hiccuped. "Happy to be with me."
"If I couldn't love you when you are sad or overwhelmed, then I don't deserve to love you when you are feeling great," said Connie, her determined glare softening with a smile. "You loved me so well these last few weeks when I had nothing to offer you. No happy times, no laughter, only pain and confusion. And you were my guide through my first steps of healing." She smiled bigger, eyes sparkling with tears in the dim light of the beach house living room. "And you proved to me that you weren't going anywhere. You kept every promise of 'be right back' and 'I'll be here', and you helped my parents so much. Even now," she said, as his hand wandered up and tucked her hair behind her ear, "you are allowing me to do what heals me most."
"What is that?" he asked.
"Being with you."
He hugged her, feeling like he didn't deserve her, but doing what his therapist had taught him - Choose to believe the constructive words your loved ones say about you.
So he did. Sniffling as relief and peace washed over him, and he closed his eyes as he rested his chin on her shoulder, feeling at last like he really was home from that frosty planet, and that Connie was finally safe.
Connie felt him completely relax in her arms, and then noticed that his grip slowly let up. Soon he was limp in her arms, and as she opened her mouth to say something she heard/felt a gentle rumble as he snored. She leaned her head back in a silent laugh, knowing that her exhausted boy had just fallen asleep mid-hug.
"Goodnight, Steven," Connie whispered, and began humming softly to him. He was heavy in her arms, but she didn't mind. Like a pinch after a dream, his weight held her to reality. She could protect him if she was right here, her strong arms wrapped tightly around him.
When Garnet and Pearl arrived, they found Steven and Connie sleeping soundly in that funny position on the couch. Connie was sitting upright, her head tilted back on the couch, lips parted slightly in a soft snore, and Steven draped over her in a limp hug, his snores rumbling from his draped form.
Pearl smiled at them. "They've grown so much, haven't they?"
"And yet not at all," said Garner softly. "Deep inside, they will always be the two innocent children we have always loved."
She stepped over to them, vizor flashing. "They will wake up sore if they stay in this position. Help me move them."
With little effort, Garnet lifted Steven bridal style, his curly head rolling to her shoulder and his breath warm against her face. Pearl lifted Connie with similar ease, and they carried the young adults upstairs to Greg's bed. Since the older Universe was traveling with Sadie Killer, the bed was clean and vacant.
After tucking Steven and Connie in, Pearl stepped back, large blue eyes filling with tears.
"Garnet, did we just start a war?"
Garnet was silent. Instead she stepped forward and kissed Steven on the forehead, and he smiled sweetly in his sleep.
"Garnet?" Prodded Pearl, nervous by her silence.
"We finished a fight," said Garnet firmly. "And if those gems want to fight some more, we'll be ready." She patted Pearl's shoulder. "And that's all I see."
"Together breakfast!" Cried Steven, waking Connie up. She smiled at him, blinking sleepily and protested with a squeal as he jumped on the bed, quickly tackling him and pinning him down with a pillow to make him stop.
"What are you talking about?" She mumbled, rubbing her eyes, knowing he was letting her sit on him and that if he really wanted to he could have dumped her onto the floor with very little effort.
"With the crazy stuff that happened last night, Pearl asked if we could host a party early this morning, just to boost everyone's spirits," he said, his chipper voice muffled under the pillow. "All the Crystal Gems are coming - Lapis, Peridot, Bismuth, Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl! They said we could pick out what us humans what to eat!"
He giggled. "Though Amethyst will eat some no matter what we choose." He gently pushed her off of him, grinning. "Soooo what do you want to eat?!"
She grinned back. "Sounds fun, though I don't know some of the people you mentioned. As for breakfast, anything. I'll let you choose."
"Um," Steven tapped his temple, thinking. "What about donuts? The Big Donut is just down the block!"
"Why not?" She laughed, releasing him. He sat up grinning, and leapt off the bed, running down the stairs, calling, "Last one there is a rotten egg!"
"Hey!" She cried, and raced after him.
The cool air was refreshing and clean, and the salt air woke them up even more. Seagulls shrieked overhead, and the gentle crash of ocean waves was like a comforting lullaby. She caught up to Steven who had slowed to a walk, and jumped on his back before he could escape her.
"Connie!" He squeaked, teetering to hold his balance at her unexpected weight, and she giggled as he piggybacked her. Squeezing him in a hug from behind, she kissed his cheek and said, "Carry me to the Big Donut?"
He laughed. "Fine, you brat, I'll carry you. We're almost there anyway."
She nestled her face in his curly hair, inhaling the sweet smell of his shampoo, and he grinned as he tightened his grip on her legs, walking to the Big Donut.
The bell over the door rang cheerily as they entered, and Connie slid off Steven's back as they walked up to the front counter.
Mr Duey was a face she didn't remember, so she just politely smiled and waved, but there was something about the warm, sweet smelling shop that made her pause. It was so familiar…she looked around, finding things where somehow she knew she'd find them. The soda machine, the Lion Lickers, the -
"…Connie? Earth to Connie?"
She turned to see Steven holding up a box of two dozen donuts. "Ready to go to the party?" He asked, smiling at her. She shook herself and nodded, following him out of the shop.
"Cooonnnnieeeee!"
A high pitched scream reached their ears and Connie whirled to see a little green gem running up to them. Connie gasped and hid behind Steven, clutching his arm in terror.
"Connie Connie CONNIE!" The little gem squawked excitedly. "You're okay!"
"Steven who is this?!" Hissed Connie, clinging to him.
"Peridot, calm down," hushed Steven gently. "She doesn't remember you yet."
Peridot paused, looking Connie up and down with a skeptical expression. "How doesn't she remember me?" She asked. "She looks normal! Were the human doctors not competent in administering her treatments?"
"No she's healthy, she's still recovering though," said Steven, gently patting Connie's hand that was cutting off circulation to his arm.
"But aren't you working to get her all her pieces back, like Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst and Spinel?" Demanded Peridot, looking up at Connie while still talking to Steven. Her green eyes narrowed, but there was a worried expression on her face.
"She wasn't rejuvenated," explained Steven patiently, wondering if Lapis would be this way too. "She has amnesia. Humans are different, and it takes them longer to heal. Kind of like how it took a long time for Lapis to get used to earth. Connie has to remember things again and it might take a long time."
Peridot seemed to accept Steven's answer, and offered to help carry the donuts. However Connie kept catching the small gem staring at her as they walked back to the beach house, and she felt uneasy, wondering if the little gem had missed her. And that made her feel guilty.
"Hi Connie!" Called a new voice. "How are you feeling'?"
Connie looked over to see a massive gem with rainbow, dreadlock-like hair smiling at her with a kind face. A smaller blue gem sat beside her on the steps to the beach house's porch, and she waved with a smile.
Connie blushed. "I…I'm doing okay," she stammered, and Peridot gave an exasperated "You remember Bismuth and Lapis but not me, the lovable Peridot?!"
"No I - I don't remember any of you," she confessed quickly, looking at anywhere but their likely disappointed faces. "I'm sorry."
The large gem laughed, causing Connie to look at her in surprise. "I didn't come to be remembered," she chuckled, winking at Connie. "I just came to visit. However you are doing is fine, Connie. I'm Bismuth, by the way."
The blue gem didn't say anything, but gave a cheery thumbs up. "That's Lapis," said Steven.
"Nice to meet you…again," muttered Connie, anxiety rising. Great - more people she needed to remember. And while Bismuth and Lapis had been kind about her amnesia, she couldn't help but feel lost again as she tried to remember, even imagine life knowing these kind people. And dang it, she'd been doing great! Stevonnie had been amazing, and talking with Steven had felt so normal -
And so she stood there awkwardly, holding Steven's hand and feeling all happiness for her recovery so far drain from her.
"Hey! Do I smell donuts?!" Came Amethyst's ragged scream from upstairs, and Connie welcomed the excuse to stop standing awkwardly with these people she didn't know and run inside to dish up the donuts.
The house was noisy with laughter and happy chatter as Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl visited with Lapis, Bismuth, and Peridot. Words bubbled from Steven like a waterfall, and Connie realized that he must not have seen the gems for a while. Then she remembered how much time he was spending with her instead of them, and that guilty feeling got even heavier.
Steven winked at her, and she tried to smile for him but it came out in a wince. Steven's smile faded, and he began walking towards her, a worried expression on his face when suddenly a middle-aged man burst through the door and cried, "Mr Universe is home!"
"Dad!" Cried Steven, running and hugging the older man tightly, laughing as the "Mr Universe" patted his back.
"Hey Schtu-ball! Hi Connie!" He called, winking at her. "How are you feeling? Steven told me about the mission, are you doing okay?"
Connie felt the color drain from her face. She had known him too?
"I…I…" she began, then laughed nervously. "I'm okay, Mr..." what had he said? "...Universe."
Mr Universe looked at her, concerned. He opened his mouth to say something when the door opened and her parents walked in. "Sorry to intrude," said Priyanka with a sheepish smile. "Pearl invited us?"
She had forgotten to invite her parents! Not that she remembered them as her parents anyway, but ugh the guilt was just awful. As their daughter shouldn't she have said something?
"Come on in!" said Mr Universe, shaking Doug's hand and smiling at Priyanka. "I didn't know there was a party going on, I had just decided to come home from tour early!"
Connie began to drift to the edge of the party, feeling her guilt and anxiety rising and weighing her down at the same time. She had known these people, loved these people, and fought alongside these people. Suddenly she wished she hadn't said yes to a breakfast with everyone - the pressure to remember and to be happy seemed unreasonably high. Suddenly she wished she wasn't there at all, and suddenly she was finding it difficult to breathe -
She took deliberate steps across the kitchen, going to the freezer to grab an ice-cube. She would hold it in her hand, to ground herself to reality. I'm going to be okay, she thought to herself as the laughter and chatter continued in the background. I'm going to enjoy these nice people's company and someday soon I'll remember them.
She laid her hand on the freezer door handle and pulled. Inside the freezer was some ice-cream, a pizza, the ice tray she was looking for and a -
A glow-stick bracelet?
A wave of memories hit her, and she was blinded by them. Voices in her mind sounded back and forth like ten TV's all playing on full volume, and places and moments in time flashed before her eyes so fast that she staggered under the weight of them, a splitting headache crashing through her skull, causing her to lose her balance and start falling -
"Connie!" Came Steven's cry, distant and far away. We are jam buds; I love him so much -
"I've got you, Connie," came a gentle deep voice at her shoulder, and she felt Garnet's arms around her. "Deep breaths." Take a moment to think of just, flexibility love and trust -
"What's happening?" She could faintly hear Pearl's worried voice. Sword training, growing up, very proud of Connie -
"Connie's collapsed!" Cried Peridot. New Crystal Gems!
"Let me see her," Priyanka was shouting, and she felt someone touch her forehead. "Connie dear?" Mom.
"Do we need to go to the hospital?" Asked Doug's worried voice. "Pri, is she okay?" Dad.
Their voices seemed to join the multitude of voices in her mind. Her eyes blinked, but reality was blocked out from her vision as memory after memory flashed before her, as vivid and real as when they had happened in her life.
"Follow my finger with your eyes, Connie honey. Can you see me?" Mom is a doctor, she studied her whole life. She's so busy; I missed her all the time -
"She's not responding!" Greg. He understands me a lot, he loves Steven but isn't a gem, just like me -
"Back up everyone, give her space! Garnet please carry her to the car, we need to take her to the hospital!" Mom works there.
"You can take my van, there's room to lay her down. I can drive while you sit with her!" The first time Greg saw me and Steven fuse was in front of his van at the carwash, we were laughing and dancing -
"Thank you Greg, let's go!" Dad was scared when I told him about Steven's meltdown. His voice cracks when he's scared…he's scared for me now -
Connie felt herself lifted up, and in a second there was sunshine on her face and salty air in her nostrils. She heard the sound of car doors, mixed in with some - music and the vision of fusing with Steven. Her head rested in someone's lap, and cool familiar fingers gently pressed into her neck. Mom is checking my pulse, she thought to herself.
"Breath deeply honey," said Priyanka in a commanding tone. "Can you hear me?"
"Ah…I…" Connie tried to speak, but her tongue felt heavy and awkward, and she tried to focus on her mother's voice. 'Can you hear us? We're stranded!' Stevonnie yelled on the strange planet, hoping Lars and the Off-Colors would hear through the busted cockpit of their marooned starship -
"What's wrong with her?" Came Steven's alarmed voice as the car started.
"We'll know soon," came Priyanka's calm voice. The car began moving and lurched slightly, causing Connie to gasp and try to grab something to steady her.
"I've got you honey," came Doug's voice, and she felt him hold her hands tightly, kissing them. His stubble against her fingers tickled, and she opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by first day at kindergarten, Mom promised she would make friends. She learned Mom couldn't keep all her promises that day.
"I…I can't…" she tried speaking again, but suddenly she was in first grade, nobody talked to her, she was alone, all she had was Unfamiliar Familiar to escape with, crying in the corner -
Second grade, Pamela acted like a friend. Then she stopped pretending and told everyone lies that Connie peed her pants. They moved.
Third grade, she started growing and was taller than everyone. They moved.
Fourth grade, she was teacher's pet. Everyone hated her. They moved.
Fifth grade, she broke her arm and had to stay home for a few days. She wished it had been longer. They moved.
Sixth grade, she was okay with being alone. It was better than being with people who didn't care. They moved to Beach City.
That summer she met Steven.
Voices, places, people, colors and sounds pounded her memory and flashed before her eyes. Suddenly they were stopping, and the van doors were opening, and Steven was saying he could carry her while Priyanka ran ahead to prepare the staff. She felt him lift her up, and her head rested on his shoulder. She caught a whiff of his scent, and suddenly her memories flooded with him as the main subject.
"I…" she tried to speak, but suddenly White Diamond was in front of them, leering and plucking Steven off the ground like a bug, and she was saying mean things, she was going to pull out his gem -
"N..o," she gulped. "Not his gem…"
"Connie?" Came Steven's voice as White was smirking 'Come out Starlight!' She was clawing, plucking the pink diamond out of him, he was falling to the floor, she broke free of Pearl's weakened grip -
"N…NO," she choked out, starting to tremble from unresolved trauma that crashed into her like a tidal wave. "Not his gem!"
"I'm okay Connie, I'm alive!" Steven's voice cried in her ears. He must have realized what she was remembering. "You saved me! White Diamond can't hurt us!"
'Are you okay? Are you…you?' Her voice echoed in her mind, and she was gazing at him, holding his little smiling face in her hands, hating herself for not being able to save him from White Diamond, but beyond grateful that he was safe -
"I'm here Connie, we are safe," came his voice in her ear, and she clung to him desperately as he reassured her. "Your memories are in the past where they belong. I - " His words were suddenly rushed. "I love you!"
Suddenly she was taken from him and laid flat on what she knew was a gurney. A clamor of voices were surrounding her. "I'm here, Connie," came Mom's voice, and Connie reached out for her mother. "I'm here too!" Came Dad's cracking voice.
She was being poked and pricked, and when she tried arching her back to get away from the discomfort she was held down by strong arms. "M…Mom," she gasped, and - Mom was coming home late - her mother's hand clasped firmly on her own. She was waiting for her, hoping Mom would be happy with her grades - "I'm here honey," Priyanka said, and that splitting headache returned to her, making the memories in her mind splice together for a minute. She moaned in pain, and Priyanka's hand squeezed her's gently. Mom was changing her mind about rules, giving her more precious freedom -
"She's stable," came a voice Connie didn't know.
"We'll take her to my office," ordered Priyanka. "Get me Dr Seinfeld, tell him to meet me there."
Connie felt so tired. Her eyelids began to flutter, threatening to close. The memories began to get quieter, humming softly in her mind, exhausting her even more. "Don't sleep, honey," came Priyanka's firm voice. "Don't go to sleep!"
Connie tried to fight it, but felt herself losing. She felt as if the world was slowing down, and slowly going dark before her eyes. The sounds of the bustling around her grew faint, and with a shuddering breath, she finally gave into the darkness.
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