single hobbits (put a crown on it)

by zedille

After the BotFA, Blueberry Baggins, engaged to Thorin and preparing for the wedding, tries to figure out what her married name will be as Queen Under the Mountain, so she can buy more monogrammed spoons. Take that, Lobelia. (Genderswap, everybody lives AU, meta crackfic)

2. binomial nomenclature

Not for the first time, Tauriel wondered at the fertility (and the naming schemes) of halflings.

Blueberry Baggins, Thorin's fiancée and Tauriel's future aunt-in-law, had two sisters. Actually, they were triplets, unheard of in Elven society. Naturally, they were attending their sister's wedding, and had just arrived at the Lonely Mountain from the Shire. As Blueberry was caught up in wedding preparations, Tauriel had agreed to serve as guide for the two Bagginses, who were named Bilberry and —

"Thornberry?" said Tauriel doubtfully. "I've never heard of that fruit. Are you sure this was translated properly?"

"Close enough," said Burberry Baggins.

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*Hamilton voice*: Bilberry — Blueberry — and Burberry! the Baggins sisters!

if I had more jokes you'd be reading about Banana, Boba, and Bilbao Baggins.