A/N: Due to the length of this chapter, I've had to split it up into two parts in order to meet the word count limit here. So, here's part one of "Royal Headache"
Drakken's Middleton Lair
"What are you up to, Dr. D?" Shego asked, arching an eyebrow as she saw the blue-skinned mad scientist hunched over his design table.
"If you must know, Shego." The frustrated researcher answered back in an impatient voice, "I'm working out some calculations for cloning technology."
"What did I say when we negotiated our contract?" Shego growled in response, "NO CLONING!"
"I'm not cloning anything!" Drakken answered his fiery sidekick in an appeasing voice, "I'm merely doublechecking these calculations for a third party. I assure you; I have no intention of using them for my own purposes." Yet.
"Good!" The black-haired villainess nodded her head once in satisfaction, "I better not hear of you doing any cloning—of me or anyone else."
"Why are you here?" Drakken asked as he finished up his calculations. "I thought that you were going to take some vacation time."
"Going now." Shego replied, "I just popped in to let you know and to tell you not to try to reach me. I'll be back in a couple of weeks or so."
"Have a good time." The blue-skinned scientist idly waved his hand, "I won't have any need for your services until I hear from Killigan."
"That looney Scotsman?" Shego snorted, "What are the two of you cooking up and it better not be haggis!"
"No haggis!" Lipsky gagged as he violently shook his head, "I promise!" His lips turning up in a sly grin, he remarked, "But I think I'll hold off on telling you until I hear from him. Enjoy your vacation."
"Oh…I will." Shego's lips turned up in a sly grin. "Later, Dr. D."
"Later, Shego!" Drakken responded with a wave goodbye as he attached the file containing his calculations to an encrypted email, giving it a final proofread: "To Count Conrad van Rodegan. Please find enclosed the final, corrected calculations for your cloning formula. It should achieve the desired results. I await the transmission of the remainder of our payment as per our agreement. Yours in evil, Dr. Drakken." Nodding his head in satisfaction, the mad scientist hit enter on the keyboard, sending the email to its destination. "Once I get payment, I'll have enough to pay Killigan for that piece of the Centurion Battle Armor once he finally gets around to stealing it. When I have that, not even Kim Possible will be able to stand against me!"
Middleton High School
"Headed to the auditorium for the assembly?" Kim asked as she and her best friend, Ron Stoppable, met up with her fellow cheerleaders, Tara and Hope.
"Yeah." Tara nodded her head as the Dirty Pair fell in alongside their friends. "I take it you're planning on running for class president?"
"That's the plan!" Ron interrupted, before Kim could answer. "And may I say that we're going to win in a landslide!"
"Why don't we wait until we find out who the other candidates are before we start counting our votes, Ron." Kim advised as she placed a gentle hand on her friend's forearm. "If Steve Farley, Kevin Guberman, or both decide to run, they could give us a run for our money."
"No way Kevin's gonna run." The blond sidekick laughed, "He's just captain of the chess club. He's only a notch or two above me on the popularity ladder and that's only because he's friends with Steve and most of the baseball team. You're captain of the cheerleading squad and near the top of the food chain. Steve could be a problem though…he's a starter on the baseball team and dating Jessica…"
"Steve's not running." Hope interjected. "Jessica told us that the two of them have been busy helping Margaret and her family."
"How is Margaret doing?" Kim asked in a concerned voice as the foursome walked down the hall together, occasionally waving or saying hello to friends and acquaintances whom they passed by.
"Better." Hope sighed, "But it's slow going. They've pretty much flushed all that poison out of her system, but…" The lovely olive-skinned cheerleader shook her head, "She still has seizures and has developed a stuttering problem. They think those might be more psychological issues than physical…" Hope commented, "…so they're bringing in your mom, Kevin's dad, and another neurologist to make sure."
"That's why Mom left so early for work today." The redhead remarked thoughtfully, "She didn't even have time to fix breakfast. Just grabbed a toaster pastry and her carry mug of coffee and rushed out the door. Barely took the time to give Dad his usual goodbye kiss." She then asked, "Any word on that matter we talked about?"
"Still looking." Tara responded as the tiny group entered the assembly hall. "She mentioned something about taking some vacation time from her boss. Hopefully, she'll find out something in between scoping out the beefcake and sipping mai-tais on the beach."
"I see Bonnie and Brick with the rest of the football team." Ron announced as he pointed to a section of occupied seats.
"There's Jessica and Steve hanging out with Kevin and Liz. Wanna sit there, bestie?" Hope asked.
"Sure." Tara nodded her head and then queried the other two in their group, "Wanna join us?"
"Thanks." Kim replied as the foursome took seats behind their fellow students. "Hi guys!" Kim greeted as she tapped Jessica and Steve on their shoulders.
"Hey!" The pair smiled back as Steve nudged Kevin, "Kev…your chessboard nemesis is here."
"Hi Tara." Kevin smiled shyly as he greeted the blonde cheerleader.
"Morning, Kevin." Tara smiled back, "How's prep coming along for regionals?"
Grinning, the chess club captain responded temptingly, "We still have an opening for fourth board. We're okay, but I know we'd be unbeatable if we only had the right person to fill that position…"
"Oh…go ahead, T!" Hope laughed, "You know you want to."
"Go for it, Tara!" Kim encouraged.
"Yeah, Tara." Liz added her entreaties. "If you do, I'm sure we could get Crystal and Hope to come along and we can all cheer our team on. Right Hope? It'll be just like a football or basketball game."
"All right." Hope rolled her eyes, "I can do chess club for a while. But guess who buys first round afterwards."
"Oh…all right!" Tara heaved a dramatic sigh as she rolled her eyes, "You talked me into it."
"Great!" Kevin grinned. "We're meeting afterschool Tuesday next week to do opening analysis prep. It'll give you a chance to get acquainted with everyone."
Nodding her head, Tara agreed, I'll be there." She then gave her best friend an evil grin, "And so will Hope." Whispering, she quipped, "I'm taking you down with me."
Whispering to the olive-skinned cheerleader, Liz teased, "It'll be worth it. There are a couple of good looking guys for you to scope out. One in particular." Chuckling, she quipped, "Not all of 'em wear taped glasses and button down stained shirts with pocket protectors, you know."
Tara chuckled as Mr. Barkin took his place behind the podium. "Party's about to start."
Taking a deep breath, the former Marine bellowed in a loud clear voice, at once silencing the gathered pupils, "Listen up, people! It's that time again, students. Time to elect a new student government—beginning with the office of president. I don't need to tell you how important this position is. Yes, it carries a lot of prestige and importance, but it also involves a lot of work and sacrifice, so be sure to nominate someone whom you know is willing to shoulder this magnificent burden. Now…let's hear some nominations!"
Ron's hand immediately shot up, "From the Great State of Confusion…" The blond sidekick jokingly began, "I'd like to nominate our next class president, Kim Possible!"
Rufus immediately chittered, "Second!" as Hope raised her hand to make an official second to Ron's nomination.
"All done, KP." Ron grinned, giving Hope a silent nod of thanks for her support.
"Ron!" Kim heaved a sigh of exasperation, "I want to run for class president…not class clown!"
"Suit yourself." Ron quipped back, hiding his disappointment at his friend's reaction behind a joking mask, "But clowns have more fun." You remember fun…don't you, Kim? It wasn't that long ago that we had fun.
"Any challengers?" Barkin called out.
"I nominate Brick Flagg!" Bonnie announced in a loud voice.
"What?" Kim exclaimed.
"What?" Brick scratched his head.
"What the fuck?" Tara giggled.
"Cheerleader versus Quarterback." Mr. Larkin announced with a big grin, "Classic."
"We've got this in the bag, KP!" Ron said reassuringly as Barkin dismissed the assembly.
"I don't know about that, Ron." Kim shook her head, "Brick's the most popular jock in the school."
"Yeah…but you've got something he doesn't have!" Ron confidently announced as the group made their way out of the auditorium.
"An IQ in triple digits?" Hope snorted as everyone else giggled.
"Well…yeah." Ron nodded his head as he turned his attention back to Kim, "But more importantly, You've got me as your campaign manager! We can't lose!"
Shaking her head, Kim pulled her best friend away from the others, "We've got to get to class now. See you all later!"
"Later, Kim!" Everyone waved back. Turning to her friends once she was sure the redhead and her blond sidekick were safely out of earshot, Tara announced, "Emergency meeting at our house this evening. All cheerleaders except Kim, Bonnie, and Marcella. Steve and Kevin…you too. Here's the address if you've never been. Just park on the carport or the curb."
"We'll pass the word." Jessica and Liz replied.
"Steve? Kevin?" Tara asked.
Steve said to the blonde cheerleader, "I'll be there."
"He's my ride." Jessica smirked.
"Liz and I'll be there too." Kevin replied as the other redheaded cheerleader nodded her head in agreement.
"See you later!" Tara and Hope waved as they split off from the others. "Now…" The blonde chuckled, "Barring a white knight coming in to save the day, we have to figure out a way to make sure Kim wins even with Ron's help."
"No sweat." Hope laughed and then, heaving a sigh, cursed, "We're so fucked."
Middleton Medical Center
"You're right, Ann." Dr. Philip Guberman remarked as he examined the lab results given to him by his colleague. "Whoever came up with the formula for this damned drug has designed it so that it causes a physical addiction as well as a psychological one."
"And to make matters worse…" Ann sourly noted, "…it looks like it was deliberately designed to forestall any efforts to create an antidote. All we can do is alleviate the effects of withdrawal." The redheaded neurosurgeon groaned, "Whoever designed this drug was a monster."
"We've got samples of the drug from the frat house that got busted…" Dr. Guberman pointed out, "That's something at least."
"It's better than nothing." Ann agreed with a sigh. "Hopefully, the people who busted up that house might come up with something else."
A Lowton Alley
"Wrong answer, douchebag!" Shego growled as she picked up the drug dealer and tossed him across the alley to land with a thud on the street after he'd impacted the hard bricks of the building wall. "Let's try again. Who's selling these new roofies?"
"I don't know!" The thug cringing on his knees, his hands in a begging position, his pants moist from soiling himself, cried out as he gazed up at the dangerous supervillain facing him. "Honest!" Trembling with fear as he saw the lovely, but dangerous, dark-haired woman conjure a ball of green fire in her hand, he pleaded, "I don't sell that stuff! Whoever's making and selling it does it all without anyone seeing them. They use throwaway cell phones and prearranged deliveries and payment is made through dead drops. After that frat house got busted, whoever's doing the selling stopped. I guess they're waiting for the heat to die down."
Shego, sensing that the terrified man kneeling before her was most likely telling the truth, nodded her head. "All right. I'm letting you go without anymore ouchies, but in return, you're gonna do me a favor…"
"Anything!" The man replied, "Anything! Just no more…please!"
"I want to know the moment that bastard pops his head back up. Do that…" She idly toyed with the plasma ball in her hands before allowing it to dissipate, "And there won't be any ouchies. Cross me or try to screw me over…" The villainess's lips turned up in a cold grin.
"I promise!" The dealer vowed, "I'll let you know the moment those things hit the streets again."
"Good boy." Shego sneered, "Now…go get yourself cleaned up." Watching as the man quickly got to his feet and dashed away, the villainess took out her cell phone. "Hey, Cutie?"
"Hey Cheeky." Tara replied, "We've got guests at our place right now. Is it about that matter we've been working on?
"Yeah." Shego replied, "Whoever's pushing that stuff has gone to ground. I've got people watching who had better…if they know what's good for them…contact me the moment that slimeball pops his head back up. When he does, I'll let you and Cheerleader know and we'll take them down."
"Sounds like a plan." Tara answered back and then shifted topic, "So…how're you gonna spend the rest of your vacation?"
"Nude sunbathing on a nice tropical island beach." The green-skinned villainess responded, "You and Cheerleader are welcome to join."
Tara then called out to her roommate, "Sunbathing with Sheila? Clothing optional beach sipping strawberry daiquiris and picking up guys? What do you say, roomie?"
"Why not?" Hope laughed, "It'll give me a chance to work on my all over tan. By the way, tell Sheila to leave a couple of choice cuts for me."
"Will do." Tara laughed and then returned to the phone, "We might take you up on that this weekend or the next. Hope also told me to tell you not to hog all the choice cuts."
Laughing, Shego responded, "Tell her no promises, but there should be plenty to go around. Talk to ya later, Cutie. Bye!"
Tara and Hope's House
"Making plans for the weekend?" Jessica teased as Steve laughed while Kevin, Liz, and the other cheerleaders looked on with amused expressions.
"If all goes well." Tara grinned as she lit a cigarette. "Cokes and beers are in the fridge and we've got some chips and dip on the counter for anyone who wants and pizza's on the way." Calling Steve and Jessica over, the blonde cheerleader lowered her voice, "Sheila's looking into who might be making and distributing that garbage. She says whoever's doing it has gone to ground, but sooner or later they'll pop their heads back up again and when they do…"
"Thanks, guys." Jessica smiled warmly at her friends as she took a beer from her boyfriend and munched on a chip. "So…why the get-together?"
"Yeah?" Crystal asked as she took a herbal cigarette of her own out and lit it. "Not that we mind…" She grinned, "This is the first time I've been to your house. Looking at the pictures on the wall, she inquired, "Who are they?"
"The woman with dark hair, wearing a miniskirt, and standing in front of the Lotus Europa is Grandmama." Tara answered back proudly, "The other woman, the one with auburn hair, is my Aunt Emma, and the man with the suit and bowler is my Uncle John." She then shifted the topic back to the matter at hand, "Right…so what are we going to do about the election?"
"If it weren't for the fact that Bonnie nominated Brick and is acting as his campaign manager…" Hope declared, "I wouldn't have any problem with him. He's relatively harmless. If it were just him, nothing would get done—good or bad—and that's not necessarily a bad thing."
"True." Kevin nodded his head in agreement, "He's not a bully like a lot of the jocks on the football, hockey, basketball, and lacrosse teams are, and he's usually fairly polite. Things wouldn't get worse, but I also wouldn't expect anything really positive coming from a Brick Flagg administration."
"Yeah." Jessica concurred as she took a sip of her beer, "The problem's Bonnie. If Brick gets elected, she'll be the one actually running things."
"Right." Tara said as she drew from her cigarette and exhaled, being careful to blow the smoke away from her guests. "She'll be able to influence what extracurricular and afterschool programs get funded and what don't…"
"Say goodbye to chess club, debate club, and science club." Kevin grumbled.
"Not to mention clubs like the poetry club, jazz club, cooking club, sewing club, and a bunch of other clubs that don't fit into the right place in her little food chain." Hope remarked with a scowl.
"Activities like the homeless outreach and youth coaching programs where we can get community service credits might get hurt too." Steve pointed out.
"And the Teen Hotline. I don't know where some of us might be if it weren't for the fact that there's a number we can call and talk to someone without having to worry about being judged." Crystal noted, not saying to her friends that she knew that from personal experience.
"That leaves Kim as the only alternative." Tara declared, "No question she'd do a great job and would treat everyone fairly." As everyone nodded their heads in agreement at her assertion, the blonde cheerleader continued, this time bringing up the teen hero's weaknesses, "But…I don't think we can overlook the fact that she's involved in so many extracurriculars and activities that she might be overextending herself—and that's not including her outside work. Granted, what she does is very important and her and Ron have saved many lives…"
"But life has to go on for the rest of us." Crystal declared as most of the others nodded in agreement.
"If there were a qualified third candidate…" Tara concluded, "I'd suggest we support him or her, but since there isn't…"
"That leaves Kim." Hope proclaimed.
"I think it's safe to say that most of the first squad cheerleaders with the exception of Marcella and maybe one or two others will go with Kim." Jessica stated as Crystal and Liz agreed. The lithe blonde, looking up at her boyfriend, prompted, "We know the football, basketball, and hockey teams are going to go with Brick. What about the other jocks?"
"I think we can get most of the girls' teams to go for Kim." Steve conjectured, "Along with the baseball, soccer, track and field, tennis, wrestling, swim, and golf teams."
"I'm pretty sure we can count on most of the afterschool clubs and activities to back Kim." Kevin announced. "We all understand what will happen if Bonnie gets any say over funding."
"It'll be a close election…" Hope asserted, "But, I think in the end Kim will win…"
"Provided we stay ready to do damage control when…not if…Ron cocks up." Tara concluded.
"He means well." Kevin concluded, "But he's got a bad habit of putting his foot up his ass at the worst times."
On hearing the doorbell ring, Tara chuckled, "I'd like to move that we adjourn this meeting for pizza. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm starving!"
"I'll second that motion." Steve grinned as the blonde cheerleader answered the door, then returned with several boxes of pizza. "And lay claim to a slice of double pepperoni."
"Motion unanimously carried!" Liz guffawed as she took a piece of cheese pizza out of the box and bit in. "Let's eat!"
Middleton Mini-Golf
"Take your time, Kim." Ron whispered as his friend lined up her shot. "Imagine that the ball's not just going into the Eiffel Tower, but through it. And…now…"
Tapping the ball, Kim let out a breath of air as the ball swerved to the left, hitting one of the struts of the plastic replica of the Parisian landmark.
"You're not concentrating enough, KP." Ron remarked as he critiqued his partner's form. "You hit that ball like you'd hit Shego."
"Or like I'm about to hit my best friend." Kim muttered under her breath before asking, "Why are we here, Ron? We need to be concentrating on my campaign. Bonnie's probably printed out and posted dozens of 'Pick Brick' posters by now!"
"Don't you watch the news, KP!" Ron exclaimed, "All of the real business in politics is done on the golf course! What do you think all those Presidents and the people with them are doing?"
"I don't know…" Kim snorted, "…maybe playing golf?" Taking a deep breath, the young teen declared, "Look. I'm not trying to hammer out some political deal. I just want to help people."
"Kim!" Ron laughed, "You need to learn how to lighten up! People don't like it when you act serious all the time! What do you think got our last president elected?"
"Maybe his plan to balance the budget?" Kim responded with an arched eyebrow.
"No!" Ron shook his head condescendingly, "It was when he played 'Touch my Tooter' on a kazoo on the Late Show! Voters eat that stuff up! Or…a dog…yeah…people love dogs. Remember Toodles? The Governor's pet miniature pinscher?"
"More like Piddles…" Kim giggled, "I remember that dog leaving puddles everywhere he went."
"Okay…" Ron nodded his head, "Toodles had a bladder control problem. But the voters loved him."
"Let's table the discussion for now, Ron." Kim sighed as he Kimmunicator beeped, answering it, she all but barked out, "What now?"
"Sorry." Wade apologized, "You're not ummm…? I don't remember you saying anything about going out with Tara and Hope…"
"No Wade." Kim chuckled, "I'm not hungover. And I'm sorry I snapped at you. What's the sitch?"
Seeing the probable reason for the redhead's outburst in the form of her blond sidekick standing next to her in what was obviously a mini-golf course, Wade's lips turned up in a smile, "Ah…gotcha. Say no more. We got a hit from King Wallace II."
"Who's King Wallace II?" Kim inquired.
"He's King of Rodegan." Wade explained, "It's a tiny European nation."
"How tiny?" Ron asked.
"Let's just say this…" Wade smirked, "It could fit inside the Middleton Mall and there'd still be room left over. Anyway, his son, Prince Wally, needs your help."
"Okay…" Kim responded, "How are we going to get there?"
"He said he'd send the royal jet." Wade answered back, "If you agree, the jet should arrive at the Tri-City Airport by tomorrow morning."
"Tell him we're in. Spankin'!"
"I'll let His Majesty know." Wade smiled, "Be at the airport by nine tomorrow morning."
"Kim…" Ron shook his head, "As your campaign manager, I gotta tell you, going on missions is a bad idea. It's not helping you in the polls."
"What polls?" Kim laughed as she and her partner made their way to the exit.
"The two guys I talked to in the café." Ron responded.
"We'll worry about the polls later." Kim replied with a smirk, "Let's go home and get some sleep. We've got a big day tomorrow."
Middleton High—the next day
Eyeing the 'Pick Brick' poster plastered on the wall, Tara and Hope both heard their Kimmunicators beeping. Hitting the accept button, The pair saw their ten-year old tech genius on the screen. "What's up, Wade?"
"I just wanted to touch base with you two." Wade replied, "Kim and Ron went out on a mission this morning to Rodegan."
"Rodegan?" Hope exclaimed, "What or where the hell is that?"
"Runt of a country about the size of a postage stamp." Tara explained with a laugh. "It was originally a part of the Holy Roman Empire but it gained its independence during the Thirty Years War because the Empire forgot they owned it. It stayed independent because none of its neighbors thought it was worth invading and conquering. Even the Germans during the Second World War didn't bother with it. Its claim to fame is that it is the world capital for the production of moldy cheese—very smelly moldy cheese."
"That about sums it up." Wade affirmed with a laugh. "Anyway, they're on their way there now on the royal jet."
"Royal jet?" Tara laughed, "I'm surprised Rodegan is able to afford a royal motor scooter. Oh well…thanks for the heads up."
"Anytime." Wade responded, "Talk to you two later."
"Where's Kim?"
Turning about, the Dirty Pair at once recognized Bonnie, accompanied by her boyfriend, Brick Flagg, and her court, Amelia Rodriguez, taking the place formerly occupied by Liz before her daring break from the food chain, and Marcella. "Bonnie…Brick…Others…" Tara greeted with a sweet smile.
"So…" Bonnie arched an eyebrow, "Where is Kimmie?"
"Off on a mission, I suppose." Tara replied with a shrug of her shoulders. "We haven't seen her since school yesterday. Why?"
Affecting a bored yawn, Bonnie jibed, "This is why Brick will make an excellent class president. We don't have to worry about him going off on some weird mission halfway around the world at a moment's notice. Anyway…see you at practice…we've got posters to put up and buttons to give out. Here…have one." Handing 'Pick Brick' campaign buttons to both Tara and Hope, Bonnie laughed as she waved farewell, "Come on, Brick…you have a presentation to make to the Future Business Leaders Club. Don't forget your notecards…you did bring your notecards…right?"
Taking out a pack of three by five cards, the dim jock smiled, "Yeah. Got 'em right here, Bon-Bon."
"I hate to say it, bestie…" Hope shook her head as she glared at Bonnie's retreating form, "But the Queen Bitch is right about one thing, "The more Kim disappears to go off on these missions, the more votes she's going to lose to Brick."
"I'm afraid you're right." Tara sighed, "Most of the students here neither know about nor care about Rodegan or even know where the hell it is…"
"Hell…" Hope quipped, "I didn't know what Rodegan was until you told me."
"Right." Tara nodded her head, "We can't expect the students here to understand why Kim might have had to go on this mission or any other mission. All they see is that she's not here and Brick is."
"Exactly." Hope affirmed, "And Ron hasn't done a thing as far as putting out posters or getting word out." Spotting Josh Mankey at his locker, an evil grin crossed the olive-skinned cheerleader's features, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, T?"
"I do believe I am, my dear." Tara grinned as the Dirty Pair drew nearer to the artist and called out to him.
"Josh? Can we talk to you for a moment?"
"Sure." The slender young artist responded with a smile.
"We were wondering if you could help us design a poster for Kim's campaign?" Hope pleaded, using her best puppy dog pout.
"I'd love to." Josh immediately responded, falling at once to the charms of the dreaded puppy dog pout. "You got a few minutes? Come on over to the art room and I'll see what I can come up with."
After a fair amount of sketching, erasing, more sketching and then coloring and lettering, the girls and their artistic friend stepped back to appraise his work. "Absolutely Smashing!" Tara grinned as she gave the young man a kiss on his cheek.
"Nice." Hope agreed as she kissed the artist on his other cheek, "Thanks a lot, Josh. You're a lifesaver. Now, to get about a couple dozen of these bad boys printed…"
"Not a problem." Josh grinned as he took the post and left the room, returning moments later with about two dozen copies. "Here you go. Need help hanging them up?"
"If you don't mind." Tara replied with a smile.
"No problem." The artist smiled back. "Let's get started."
Count Conrad van Rodegan's castle
Reginald Dimsum, a Knight Commander of the terrorist Knights of Rodegan entered the Count's study and saluted, "Your Grace! I beg to report that the attempt on Weakling Wally was foiled by the American adventuress Kim Possible."
His lips turning up in an icy grin, the urbane count, sporting neatly combed salt and pepper hair with a well-trimmed beard and mustache, a monocle over his right eye, and wearing a smoking jacket over his comfortable tailored shirt and slacks, took a draw from his cigarette, affixed to a long black cigarette holder. "Excellent."
"Your Grace?" The knight exclaimed in surprise, "You intended for the attack to fail? Besides the loss of our satellite, they have evacuated the Prince to the United States where he will be…"
"Most vulnerable, Reggie." The count's grin grew more feral as he took another draw from his cigarette and exhaled. "The satellite is expendable. We already have another, more advanced one, in orbit and ready to strike when the time is right. I had planned for this attempt to fail." Putting out his cigarette, Conrad walked to the bar where he took out a bottle of rare and expensive cognac and a brandy snifter. "Oh…don't get me wrong…I would have been delighted had the attack succeeded and the wastrel died. The deaths of Kim Possible and her buffoonish sidekick would have been an additional bonus, but…" He shrugged his shoulders, "Not a necessary requirement for our overall success. Had phase one succeeded, we would have continued on with the coup and removed the old man. It would have saved us a considerable amount of time and effort." Pouring cognac into a snifter, the count swirled the liquid, inhaling its aroma before taking a sip, he asked, "How is our package doing?"
"The scientists say that the package will be able to accomplish the required mission, but little more. The window of opportunity is also limited. Two weeks…no longer."
"Two weeks should be adequate enough time. The event must occur during the harvest moon which will take place during that window." The count said as he took another sip of the expensive brandy. "It is now time to put phase two of the plan into operation. You and your cell…along with the package…are to immediately be prepared to carry out your part of the mission."
"At once, Your Grace!"
Tara and Hope's apartment
"Hey roomie!" Hope, wearing her night wear of midriff top and panties, called out from where she lay on the floor, her math book spread open next to her notebook, "Need your help over here!"
"On my way, luv!" Tara, also wearing her night wear of t-shirt and panties, replied as she flopped down next to her best friend. "So…what's the problem?"
"It's this goddamn word problem." Hope groaned as she barely resisted the urge to snap her pencil. "You know how much I hate mixture word problems!"
"About as much as I hate those damned molarity and molality problems we got assigned today in chemistry." Tara sighed as she glanced down at her roommate's book and notes. "Okay…let's see what's giving you the problem."
"It's right here." Hope frowned, "I can figure it out up to this point, but every time I try to solve for x…"
"Okay…I think I see where you went wrong." Tara grinned as she lit a cigarette, "You need to do this operation first, and then divide."
Doing as her roommate suggested, Hope quickly found the solution. "Thanks T!" The olive-skinned cheerleader grinned, "You're the best."
"We'll see if you still feel that way once you help me with my chemistry homework." Tara laughed, plopping down her textbook, as Doctor Director's face appeared on their television screen which also doubled as a comm unit.
"Sorry to interrupt you girls while you're doing your homework, but I've got a job that calls for the Dirty Pair's unique skill set. Interested?"
"Depends on the job." Tara replied as she and Hope sat up, paying close attention to the screen as the image of an urbane, sophisticated middle aged man appeared in the place of the Director.
"This man is Count Conrad van Rodegan…the Grandmaster of the outlawed Order called the Knights of Rodegan…"
"I've heard bits and pieces about them." Tara commented as she took a drag from her cigarette and exhaled, "Weren't they suppressed because they attempted to overthrow King Wallace I sometime in the fourteenth century?"
"Correct." Betty nodded her head. "At the time, they had cause to rebel. Wallace I had a reputation for viciousness and ruthlessness and was very much regarded by his own people as a tyrant. But you know what they say about rebellions…"
"Make sure you kill the king." Tara wryly quipped, "Which the Knights didn't."
Nodding her head, Betty finished the history tutorial, "Right. Their order was driven underground and evolved over time into becoming a mercantile and later on industrial and technological cartel with criminal connections. However, it has retained its hostility to the Wallacian House still reigning in Rodegan. Rodegan is one of the few absolute monarchies left in the world and along with Andorra and Vatican City, one of the three remaining absolute monarchies in Europe."
Pausing for a moment as the Dirty Pair digested the information she had just given them; Betty entered a few notes on her data pad and then continued her briefing. "The current monarch…" the image of Conrad was replaced by that of an elderly man dressed in royal robes and wearing a crown, "…is Wallace II. He's been a good ruler and has done much to modernize Rodegan by introducing new businesses—most notably technology and tourism. His only son and successor is this young man…" The image of the older man was replaced by that of a teenage boy wearing a dark blue blazer, matching slacks, white dress shirt, and tie. "Prince Wallace, more colloquially known as Prince Wally. The Rodegan press, somewhat less kindly, call him 'Weak Link Wally', while others refer to him by the less polite nickname, 'Weakling Wally'. I'll spare you some of the other nicknames he goes by…I'm sure you're well familiar with them and their meanings."
"Looks like he's got a stick up his ass about as thick as Twinky's." Hope quipped.
"A harsh…" Betty grimaced, "…but accurate…assessment. As you're no doubt aware, the king contacted Kim Possible and her companion, Ron Stoppable, requesting their assistance in protecting Prince Wally from an attempted assassination by the Knights using lasers fired from an orbital weapons platform."
"What's the status of the weapons platform?" Tara inquired.
"Wade Lode was able to hack into its systems and neutralize it." Betty reported, "However, we have reason to believe that the Knights have launched a second satellite from their island base in the Indian Ocean."
"Why hasn't that base been blown to pieces?" Hope asked.
"Unfortunately, the island belongs to a regime which does not permit Global Justice operations on its territory. To take action, we would need Security Council approval." Betty grumbled.
"Good luck getting that with at least two members of the Council, both with veto powers, ready to vote against said resolution." Tara sneered as she lit a fresh cigarette.
"Exactly." Betty nodded her head. "According to their press release, the launch was that of a communications satellite."
"Bullshit." Hope coughed as Betty nodded her head in agreement.
"Just so. Anyway, Prince Wally has been relocated to Middleton for security reasons. He's on his way back now with Possible and Stoppable."
"Does that mean what I think it means?" Hope giggled.
Nodding her head, Doctor Director barely suppressed the grin forming on her face, "Correct. He's staying with the Possibles…"
"Oh…" Tara laughed, "If Wally is as obnoxious a little toff as I think he is…"
"He is." Betty affirmed.
"Mrs. Possible and the Tweebs are just gonna love him." Hope smirked as Tara went into a full laugh fit.
Recovering from her severe case of the giggles, Tara, returning to business, inquired, "Okay, Betty…where do we fit in?"
"Right." The Director nodded her head as the picture of Count Conrad returned to the screen. "Besides being the leader of the Knights and the individual who ordered the assassination attempt against Prince Wally, the count is also a high ranking member of MALUS…"
"That helps explain where the Order has gotten much of its funding." Tara noted.
Nodding her head, Betty confirmed Tara's comment, "Correct. We're still trying to find out why MALUS is interested in Rodegan, but Conrad is too dangerous to remain at large. However, we do not have the authority to detain him as he enjoys diplomatic immunity."
"I thought his Rodeganian citizenship was revoked." Tara interjected.
"It was." Betty acknowledged, "However, he was able to repurchase the estates and title that were originally stripped from his family following the suppression of the Order. His title restores his aristocratic standing which also grants him status as a diplomat under Rodeganian law and so…diplomatic immunity. He cannot be legally arrested unless he surrenders his diplomatic immunity."
"Which he won't." Hope snarked.
"Again correct." The Director nodded her head. "He is also a suspect in multiple murders and acts of terrorism in Rodegan and elsewhere. Regrettably, there is no hard evidence tying him or the Order to any of those crimes. Conrad and a kill team are reported either en route to or about to depart for the United States. Our intelligence points towards another assassination attempt against Prince Wally."
"I have a bad feeling about this." Tara groaned, "If Conrad can't be legally arrested or detained, and he hasn't been declared persona non grata…"
"He hasn't." Betty sighed. "Unfortunately, there is no legal justification for barring his or any of his team's entry into the country—not without creating a major diplomatic incident."
"So…how so we fit in?" Hope inquired. "Possible and Stoppable are already acting as his bodyguards…"
"You'll be providing overwatch." Betty declared, "If everything goes smoothly and there are no incidents, you'll receive five thousand dollars each for your troubles. If there is an attempt on the prince's life, a termination order will go into effect against the count with a fifty thousand dollar bounty on confirmed kill for each of you. Each of the members of his team will carry bounties of ten thousand dollars each dead or alive. Do you accept?"
"One second, Betty." Tara replied as she turned to her partner. "If this were a straight stalking hit, I'd turn it down in a heartbeat, luv. I don't do contract killings. But the termination order here's only triggered if Conrad makes the first move and tries to assassinate the prince. What we'll be doing is ghosting Kim and Ron, assisting them as bodyguards for the prince. Our real job is to preserve Kim and Ron's cherries by doing the dirty work if it has to be done. Would that be a fair assessment, Betty?"
"It would be." The Director nodded her head in affirmation. "We'd rather keep Kim and Ron removed from the harsher aspects of this business as long as we can. So…do you want the job?"
Taking her roommate's slight head nod as agreement, Tara affirmed, "We're in."
"Excellent." Doctor Director smiled, "I'll let you get back to what you were doing then. Wade should be in contact with you soon about any additional details." As soon as Betty's image left the screen, the image of the Team Possible genius appeared.
"Hi Tara…Hope…Doctor Director has informed me about your role." The young ten-year old took a sip of his cola before continuing, "I hope we won't need you…"
"We do too." Hope sympathetically replied, receiving in return a warm grin from the boy.
"I have Mr. and Mrs. Doctors Possible on the other line." Wade announced, "Doctor Director has already filled them in on what you are, so you won't have to worry about maintaining cover with them anymore. I also have Kim on the line. If it's all right with you, I'll go ahead and connect them so we can all talk together."
"Go ahead, Wadesy." Tara answered back as she lit a fresh cigarette and inhaled. Moments later, Mr. and Mrs. Possible appeared on the screen along with their daughter and the computer genius.
"Tara…Hope…" Mrs. Possible smiled as she recognized the two girls while her husband settled for a simple nod of his head and frown of disapproval at the sight of the blonde woman smoking a cigarette.
"Hi guys!" Kim smiled warmly at her friends, "How are things going back at school."
"Fine." Hope grinned back making sure to mention the name of the object of the young redhead's crush, "We put up some smashing election posters that Josh had made for you."
"Really?" Kim exclaimed excitedly, "Josh Mankey made election posters for me?"
"Yes, he did." Tara chuckled as no one noticed the frown appearing on the face of the blond sidekick sitting alone in the back of the plane being comforted by his naked mole-rat companion or on the face of the Possible patriarch. "You're going to love them. He really busted his arse on them."
"Wow!"
"Maybe you should thank him when you get back to school, Kimmie." Mrs. Possible gently, yet firmly, suggested.
"Ummm…" Kim stammered, her face reddening at the prospect of actually having to approach the boy she's crushing on, "Yeah…Mom…you're….uhhh…you're right." She agreed. "He had to have worked hard to get that poster done. I should say thanks and I will. The moment I get back to school and see him."
"Kim…" Wade announced, earning a smile of gratitude from the leader of Team Possible as he turned the conversation back to its original topic, "Betty has assigned the Dirty Pair to act as overwatch while you and Ron look after Prince Wally."
"What does overwatch mean?" James inquired.
"Our job will be to watch out for anyone who might be a sniper, have a grenade or rocket launcher, or a drone operator. If we find any…" Tara explained, taking another drag from her cigarette and exhaling as Hope finished her teammate's statement.
"…we deal with them."
"I see." James frowned as the implications behind Hope's statement became clear to everyone involved in the conversation. "Well…let's hope you're not needed."
"I hope you won't have to do anything either." Kim declared, adding with a broad smile on her face, "But I'm glad you're backing us up just in case."
"I am too." Ann agreed, and then, addressing the Dirty Pair, requested, "At some point soon I'd like to talk to the two of you about that new drug…I assume it was the two of you who raided that fraternity house the other night."
"It was." Tara confirmed.
"Then I definitely need to touch base with you as I'm helping to spearhead research efforts at the Medical Center." Ann declared, "Maybe the three of us can get together after this is over."
Taking her partner's single head nod as agreement, Tara responded with a smile. "We'll be happy to Mrs. Possible. Just let us know when and where."
On the Royal Jet
After switching off her Kimmunicator, Kim turned about and noticed her best friend sitting in the back, head down, mumbling to himself. Walking back to him, Kim couldn't help but overhear some of his near-incoherent rambling.
"Can't even get my name right. Just a distraction. No thanks. Never heard of me. I cover Kim. Dodge laser beams…ignored. Josh Mankey…campaign…posters…ignored."
"Ron?" Kim called out gently as she placed a gentle hand on her friend's shoulder, "Is everything okay?"
Startled by the feel of his friend's hand on his shoulder, Ron looked up. Gazing into her deep emerald green eyes, the blond youth cringed inwardly at the look of concern and worry on her face. Making himself smile, he answered back with a forced chuckle, "Everything's badical, KP! We're riding on the royal jet, munching on Pop Pop's flash frozen mini corn dogs, drinking Slurpity cola and…did I say we're riding on the royal jet?"
"Okay, Ron." Kim smiled as she gestured at the seat next to her friend, "Mind if I sit here?"
"Not at all!" Ron grinned; this smile not as forced as the previous grin. "There's plenty of room. C'mon!"
Sitting down, the teen hero sighed as she spoke with a low voice, "I had to get away from Prince Wally before I did the Knights of Rodegan's job for them. That spoiled royal shit is driving me crazy. All he does is whine and complain."
"I guess he's used to always getting his way." Ron commented, his previous funk dispelled as he noticed the look of exhaustion on his friend's face. "How long has it been since you've gotten any sleep, KP?"
"Not since we left." Kim yawned. "Between talking with the King, dealing with the Knights, and babysitting Wally, I've been going nonstop."
Taking the pillow out from its original place behind his head, Ron placed it on his lap. "Then you need to get some sleep." Seeing the desire for rest warring with her concerns over the mission, the blond sidekick smiled, "I promise…if something happens, I'll wake you up at once. We've got a few hours before we land. Now…" He commanded with rare firmness, "Get some sleep. Ronster's orders."
Laying her head down on the pillow as she laid down across the seats, Kim sighed in contentment, "Sleep…sleep is good…"
His lips turned up in a gentle smile as he heard the soft, contented snores coming from the sleeping girl, her head lying on the pillow on his lap with an angelic expression on her face, he placed a finger up to his lips as he spied his rodent companion coming out of his pocket to investigate.
"Sssshhh…" He whispered as he ran his fingers gently through his best friend's silky red hair. "She just got to sleep."
"Awwww…" The little mole-rat cooed, his voice barely a whisper as he took watch next to his human companion.
Possible Home—the evening of Wally's arrival
"Oh…how quaint…" Prince Wally sniffed as the limousine carrying him and his two bodyguards pulled into the Possible driveway.
Barely resisting her first impulse to hit the obnoxious royal heir, Kim heard the unmistakable beep coming from her Kimmunicator. Quickly pushing the accept button, the young redhead heaved an audible sigh of relief on seeing her team computer expert sitting at his usual place behind his computer sipping Slurpity Cola through a bendy straw. "What's the sitch, Wade?" She asked in a strained voice.
"Just checking in to see if everything went okay. Long trip, Kim?" Wade, his expression one of concern, gently inquired.
"You might say that." Kim moaned in a low voice so as not to be overheard by either of her companions. "The prince has been nothing but a pain in the ass ever since we got on the plane back at Rodegan, and as for Ron…" She sighed, "After this sitch is taken care of and we send Wally back home, I think it might be a good idea for me to spend a little extra time with him." Her look now one of concern, she lowered her voice to a whisper, "I'm worried about him." She then recounted to her computer genius her best friend's ramblings that she had overheard on the plane ride over. "I think he's feeling taken for granted. And I have been harshing a bit too much on him recently." Inspiration striking, Kim asked, "Can you do a favor for me, Wade?"
"Sure thing, Kim."
"Can you keep an eye out for any events or anything else like a movie or show or whatever that Ron might be interested in seeing or going to?"
"Will do." The young tech genius replied with a big smile on his face.
"Thank you. I better go now. I'll talk to you later." Kim acknowledged with a smile as she closed the transmission. Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile to her face as she addressed the prince and her best friend, "Come on. Mom and Dad are waiting."
"Mom? Dad?" Kim called out as she and her companions entered the house, "We have a guest."
"Kimmie-cub!" James smiled wildly as he hugged his daughter.
"Kim." Ann smiled, "Ron." Then noticing the newcomer, she nodded her head graciously, "You must be Prince Wally. Doctor Director told us you'd be staying with us for a few days."
"Mrs. Possible." The young royal sniffed as his eyes took in the upper-middle class American home. "Somewhat plebeian…but…it will do."
Gritting his teeth, James growled, "If you'd like, I can find a spot for you on our next probe to Mars. The landing spot has a great view of the Syrtis Major Planum."
Placing a hand on her husband's forearm, Mrs. Possible whispered, "It's only for a few days, James." Plastering a smile on her face, she addressed the teenagers in the room, "I've made some sandwiches for you all in the kitchen."
"Boo-yah!" Ron cheered as he turned to Prince Wally. "You're gonna love Mrs. Dr. P's cooking. It's totally badical!"
Picking up one of the sandwiches and frowning, Prince Wally called out, "I must insist on having the crusts cut out before my cucumber sandwiches are presented to me."
Seeing the glare her mother was sending towards the kitchen, Kim quickly interjected, "Mom, I know he's a pain in the rear! God how I know! But he won't be here long—just until he's out of danger. Then we ship his butt back to Rodegan as soon as possible."
"I'll show him danger if he doesn't get a clue!" Ann muttered as her husband grinned, throwing her own words back at her.
"Now, Honey…it's only for a few days."
While the Possibles and their unwelcome guest totally ignored him, Ron slipped out of the house and taking out his cell phone, dialed the local television station. "Hello? KMID? I've got a story for you. Tomorrow morning at Middleton High, Prince Wally of Rodegan is going to endorse Kim Possible for student government president. Yeah. My name? Ron Stoppable. No, not Poppable and not Floppable. Stoppable…S.T.O.P.P.A.B.L.E." Hanging up as Kim walked out to join him, Ron smiled at his best friend. "Everything going okay, KP?"
"Other than Mom and Dad threatening to put Prince Wally on the next space probe to Mars, everything's okay." The redhead chuckled. "The Prince is getting ready for his bath now. She then heard a scream that sounded like a banshee coming from the house. "We better get back in. Mom might be about to send Wally to Mars without the space probe
Returning to the living room, Kim and her best friend witnessed a rare sight, her mother cursing a blue streak and on the verge of committing murder.
"That goddamn motherfucking little shit!" Ann shouted, "Who the hell does he think he is!"
"Did Mom's brain get switched with Hope's or Tara's?" Kim whispered Ron.
"Your guest called your mother upstairs to draw his bath." James whispered back.
"Oh fu…"
"That spoiled little brat wanted me to draw his bath water and put in…" Imitating the young prince, Ann mocked, "Three drops…not four, not two. I should have dropped the goddamn bubble bath bottle on his pointy head!" Turning to her daughter, Ann demanded, "I want that little asshole out of my home as soon as possible—you understand me—AS SOON AS FUCKING POSSIBLE!"
"Yes, Mom." Also having had her fill of the obnoxious royal, Kim declared as she made her way up the stairs. "I'll go up and explain the facts of life to him right now. If you hear any yelps or Owies, don't worry." Her lips turned up in an evil grin, "That's just him getting explained to."
"I better get on home too." Ron, shaken by this rare display of anger on the part of the Possible matriarch, announced as he quickly slipped out the door.
"Got anything to say, James?" Ann glowered dangerously at her husband.
"No dear." James, sitting on the couch, wisely replied, shaking his head as he ducked for cover behind the newspaper. Safely hidden by the evening edition of the Examiner, his lips turned up in a slight smile as he muttered to himself, "Redheads."