Ooga Booga
It would have been easier to craft himself a temple if he had any arms.
The wiles of fate were a cruel mistress, Aku Aku reflected. He was the most powerful witch doctor Wumpa Island had ever seen, rivalled only by his dread brother, Uka Uka. He had helped save the world countless times from the nefarious Doctor Neo Cortex. Yes, Crash had jumped, spun, and eaten so much wumpa fruit it allowed him to return from blows that would have crippled lesser beings, but he had been there every step of the way. Ever since the bandicoot washed up on N. Sanity Beach. He had provided him guidance, with protection, and in brief instances, even made the bandicoot invincible. So now, a decade on from Crash's incident with the titans, providing that even his mind was better than any mutant, Aku Aku thought it was about time that he give himself his just rewards. A temple at which the people of this island would come and give worship to their saviour.
Now if only he could put the rocks on top of each other correctly. He frowned, as the rock he was nudging came crashing down. Just like it had the last four times. Where was Crunch when you needed him, he wondered? That lout would have had this temple built by now if there was the promise of something at the end of it – a pet monkey for instance. Or maybe Coco could create an army of robots that would not only help build this temple, but would also serve as his first worshippers. Or maybe Crash could...He allowed himself to chuckle. Best not to involve Crash. In his experience, the bandicoot lived up to his namesake when it came to moving things. He-
"Excuse me?"
Aku Aku let out a shriek, but managed to compose himself. He turned around, and looked at the gap between the stones that was to serve as his temple's entrance.
"Who goes there?" he asked. He cleared his throat. "I mean, who dares tread upon these sacred grounds?! Who dares the wrath of the mighty Aku Aku? Who-"
"Can't you see me?" the visitor asked.
Aku Aku trailed off. He could. The entire line of questioning was redundant when he could see the blue dog at the entrance as clear as day. But he'd had that speech rehearsed for days, and he'd been dying to use it on someone. Alas, little blue dogs would have to do. Including those with backpacks, big eyes, and swishing tails.
"Yes, I can see you," Aku Aku said. "Who are you?"
"I'm Bluey," she said.
"Bluey." Aku Aku chuckled. "I guess your parents weren't big on originality, were they?"
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing." Aku Aku cleared his throat, before remembering that he didn't have one. "But enough talk. Speak quickly, for my time is limited."
The dog looked around. "Looks like you're building a temple."
"Indeed. The great Aku Aku must-"
"This is an island in the South Pacific, yet the style is clearly Meso-American," the dog said. "Did you stop and think about the cultural appropriation you're committing?"
"I…what?"
"Thinking you can just build a temple wherever you like, to stroke your own ego. Tell me - are you intentionally trying to perpetuate the patriarchy, or is your male privilege that blinding?"
Aku Aku stared at the dog. The dog stared back. Even the birds had fallen silent. Slowly, ever so slowly, the Great Aku Aku asked "what the hell are you talking about?"
The dog put her hands on her hips. "Excuse me?"
"Kid, for starters-"
"Bluey. Don't call me kid. It's ageist."
"...Bluey, then." Aku Aku chose his words carefully. "For starters, this temple. Yes, of course, I'm stroking my ego, but this isn't in any style. It's just a bunch of rocks that I-"
"Alright, that's enough mansplaining," said Bluey. She knelt down, took off her backpack, and took out a pad. iPad, dPad, pPad? Aku Aku wasn't sure. Coco would know. And she might also be able to translate what the hell the dog was going on about. Still, for now, she was quiet, as she instead fiddled with the pad. And fiddled. And fiddled. And kept fiddling. She was fiddling so much, she might as well have been playing a viola.
"Um, Bluey?" Aku Aku asked. "Is this going to take long?"
The dog looked up at him. "On a timetable are you?"
"Well, not exactly. But it's three-thirty, and-"
"Stop it," Bluey snapped.
"I…what?"
"Using time like that and insisting I keep to your schedule. That's systemic of whiteness." She sighed, and went back to the pad. "You know, I came here to sort out your microaggression, but clearly you have to decolonize your mind."
Aku Aku stared at her. What she'd just said had to be the most insane grouping of words he'd ever heard, and he'd heard plenty of crazy stuff from Cortex and his fellow mad scientists. He was beginning to wonder if he should zap the dog into oblivion, or, if he was feeling merciful, just bugger off. But there was something within him that compelled him to stay. Some kind of morbid curiosity that compelled him to see things through. Question was, how much more fiddling with the pad was left? At this rate, Bluey was onto the proverbial cello.
"Ah, here we are."
Fortunately (or unfortunately, he still wasn't sure), Bluey found what she was looking for. With an insufferably smug grin on her oh-so-perfect teeth, she turned the pad around and showed it to Aku Aku.
"Remember this?" she asked. "This was taken over two decades ago."
In spite of everything, Aku Aku smiled. "I do."
He didn't know how Bluey had obtained the footage. But it showed Crash making his way up N. Sanity Beach after escaping from Cortex's fortress. He jumped, he spun, he consumed wumpa fruit until he came to a stop. His eyes wide, his ears twitching, he beheld a wooden crate. One with the image of a mask on it. The dopey marsupial spun right into it, and with a flash of light, came the Great Aku Aku. Twenty years younger, but what was time to an immortal such as he? The witch doctor smiled as his past self-emerged, letting out the mighty call of "ooga booga!"
He looked at Bluey. She wasn't smiling though. She instead paused the footage, put the pad in her backpack, and put her hands on her hips.
"Well?" she asked.
"Well what?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
Aku Aku stared at her.
"I know there's some people who think that trawling through the Internet for hate speech is obsessive, not to mention hacking into Doctor Cortex's survaillance drones but they're wrong, okay? Just because you said something racist twenty years ago, that's no reason why you can't be held to account now?"
"I…what?"
"Are you going to deny it?" Bluey asked, her tail wagging, her eyes widening. "Are you going to say it's fake? That you didn't mean it? Because intent doesn't matter, impact does."
"Bluey, I have no idea what you're even referring to."
"Ooga booga!" She screamed. "Ooga booga!"
"...yes?"
"Do you deny saying it?" she shrieked. "Do you?"
"What? No, I said it. In fact, I say something like that every time Crash breaks one of my crates."
Given how Bluey's eyes were widening, and her mouth just short of frothing, Aku Aku could tell that he'd said something wrong. Again, apparently.
"It's just a little thing I say," Aku Aku said. "No harm in it."
"No harm?" Bluey whispered. "No harm?!"
Aku Aku sighed. He could tell he was in for a lecture. He figured he may as well hear it, get this over and done with, and then go back to building his temple. Or shooting himself. One of those things.
"Ooga booga is a racist term used to describe African languages during the colonial period. It's a term seeped in racism, and is continuing to perpetuate white supremacy. For you to say it like that, uncaring of the context..." A tear trickled down her cheek. "How could you?"
Aku Aku, choosing his words carefully, murmured, "I didn't know that."
"Well, now you do, okay?!"
Still choosing his words carefully, Aku Aku asked, "and who brought this to your attention?"
"What?"
"I assume someone saw that footage of me saying ooga booga and was offended by it?"
"I…no."
"No?"
"No. After I was enlightened, I scoured the Internet, and managed to find evidence of your racism."
Aku Aku frowned. "So the only reason you're here, is because you saw footage from twenty years ago, and because offended on other people's behalf, who weren't complaining, and travelled to Wumpa Island to tell me I should be sorry for a pair of words?"
"They aren't just a pair of words!" Bluey shrieked.
"Bluey, did you even know the connotation of those words before you saw the footage?"
"Yes."
Aku Aku fell silent. He'd been hoping to play his trump card, but Bluey had deployed hers.
"I mean, years ago I said those words myself," she said. "And a group of dogs told me that I'd offended other people. They took out the dictionary and told me that ooga booga was a racist phrase. At first I resisted. I told them that it was just a random pair of words, that no-one cared, that they were trying to put meaning back in words that had long lost their ability to be harmful. But they kept at it. Kept messaging me, kept talking to me, they even sent me to counseling. But eventually, after I'd overcome my fragility, I realized that I'd internalized colonial ways of thinking and that I needed to check my privilege. Also, I had to overcome heteronormative, cispatriarchial ways of thinking, but I'm still working on that."
Aku Aku frowned, not sure what disturbed him more. That what Bluey was describing sounded like child abuse, or that she appeared to be relishing the memories of said abuse.
"Which brings us to today," Bluey said. She began fishing around in her backpack. "I've got some books here that I think will help you. They're on sale, so you only need to pay me thirty dollars to-"
"No."
Bluey stared at him. "What?"
"I said no. I'm not buying your books, and I'm not indulging in your charade any longer?"
"I..." Bluey's eyes were wide. "But...but you have to! You have to take part in the struggle!"
"Do I?"
Bluey spluttered to find her words. "You...you...oh! Oh I see! You think that just because you're a cisgendered man, you think you're above us all, right? You think you can spout out whatever garbage you want and not be held to account? Well, it makes sense! You're a man, helping a male bandicoot, take out other scientists, who reinforce male dominance in STEM fields, and the exclusion of women from the videogame industry! You're...you're one of them!"
Aku Aku sighed, not sure what to say, if anything.
"Fine!" Bluey shrieked. "Fine! See if I care! Once we've dismantled the systems of oppression that plague our world, let's see how you fare! You'll be a victim, just like I am!"
Aku Aku said nothing, which he'd realized was the best course of action and always had been. When confronted by bullies, it was far better to remain silent. Don't let them have any power over you. And sure enough, Bluey stormed off into the jungle.
"Stay woke," Aku Aku murmured.
He was actually glad Bluey didn't hear that. He didn't want a lecture on how such terminology was "problematic."
"Aku Aku?"
What he did hear however, was the voice of Coco Bandicoot. Walking out of the jungle, laptop at her side. Looking at the mask, then the dog, then back at the mask.
"What was that about?"
Aku Aku shook his head. "No idea. Something about I'd said, or not said, or...I really don't know." He looked at the laptop. "What are you up to these days?"
"Oh, I'm conducting online workshops - coding, technology, renewable energy, that sort of thing." She sat down, leaning against the stone wall, and opened her laptop. "It's incredible, really. There's a lot of morons on these islands, but a lot of the animals Cortex used the Evolvo-ray on want new careers, and ones that'll make the world a better place."
"That...sounds good."
"Oh, very good. I mean, I know it sounds smug, but, it's like watching flowers bloom, y'know? There's all these animals that were traumatized by Cortex. But they want to move on. Make something of their lives. Make other lives better as well. Also make videogames. I mean, there's speciesm in the videogames industry, no-one's denying that, but it's great to see them overcome the barriers and..." She trailed off. "What?"
Aku Aku was smiling.
"What?" Coco repeated.
"Oh Coco Bandicoot," he said. "Never change."
"Um...okay?"
She didn't understand. She didn't have to. She was still the same bandicoot he'd known for decades, and by all the masks in all the realms, he hoped she'd stay that way.
He looked at the temple he'd been building and frowned. What had he even been doing? Constructing a monument to his glory like this, when there was still real injustice across the world? Cortex was gone. But there were others like him. And not everyone got the same piece of the pie. Maybe he too, could help. After all, it was what he did. What he'd always done. Bandicoot or no...
"Ooga booga," Aku Aku whispered as he drifted through the jungle.
A/N
So, idea for this came from the Bluey controversy over the use of the phrase "ooga booga" in two of its episodes. Some things kind of write themselves.