Chapter 12
The Cotax Run
"All across the country, it's Friday Night with Frida!" an announcer said on a sound stage. "And here is your host Frida Wallace!" a woman with shoulder length blonde hair wearing a green dress came onto the stage.
"Welcome everyone, tonight we have some very special guests. Back from the first moon landing in decades, the crew of the Ixcia!" Frida said as the Pines family came on stage and sat down on couch while she sat down behind a desk with a bowl with a goldfish in it. "But that must have be like spending the night in the backyard compared to fifteen years in another galaxy."
Mabel was the first to speak. "Still it felt great to help get the new moon base started. And thanks for having us on the show."
"Thank you all for coming, I can hardly believe you went up there with a crew of eight more, set up the first stage of the base, and came back in just two days."
"N.A.S.A. already had the parts and modules ready, we just cut down on travel time and construction." Dipper said. "We'll be back there to resupply them in a couple days and by this time next year several space agencies will have ships as fast as ours. Then we can begin settling planets in other solar systems."
"You know Dipper, nerds all over the world love you guys for making all their sci-fi dreams come true but also hate you for ending science fiction with making it all ordinary."
"Well they are already getting their pay back for it." Pacifica joked. "Dipper has to avoid spoilers for just about everything he wants to watch, which is a lot. His binge watching is the one bad habit he picked up after we got home."
Dipper looked embarrassed. "For fifteen years I missed a good portion of an interconnected line of superhero movies, and a lot of tv shows. I just want to get caught up!"
"After everything you went through out there with alien empires, space pirates, and bounty hunters I would think you just want to spend your free time enjoying some peace and quiet for a change. Wouldn't you be glad to be bored for once?" Frida asked.
"No!" the whole family yelled.
Gideon then cleared things up. "Sorry about that Frida but you need to understand, in space having nothing to do for long periods of time almost drove us nuts once."
"Worse two months ever." Pacifica added.
"With everything going wrong during that time it ended the honeymoon pretty quickly." Mabel said.
"You had problems in your marriage from boredom, in space?" Frida asked.
Dipper decided to explain but left out parts that were private. "When this happened, we were all married for about six months, Odysseus Enterprises was just hired for a job that we really wanted, and it looked like our luck was finally changing for the better. That should have been the first sign that something bad was going to happen."
Six years ago,
The lights turned on in Dipper and Pacifica's room. "It is 0630, your requested wake up time." Ixcia said.
The couple stirred from under the sheets of the larger bed that they put in. "Alright Ixcia." Dipper said sitting up, his chest bare while everything below the waist was still under the covers.
Pacifica pulled her husband back down and pressed her naked body against his. "We set that to wake us up, not to get us out of bed. That should be in thirty, forty-five minutes."
They began to kiss but then Dipper pulled back. "Paz, no. We got a lot to do today and the first thing is that I make you all some breakfast."
"But I'm not hungry, for food." Pacifica kissed Dipper's neck.
It took all of Dipper's willpower to resist his wife. "We have to get to work! We do this passenger job then we can finally get away from the Imps, maybe even find a way home. I'll make it up to you tonight, we'll do what you want, okay?"
"Fine." Pacifica pouted. She got out of bed, her back turned as she began to put on a clean pair of panties. Pacifica shook her rear as Dipper couldn't take his eyes off her tattoo. "Then you better save some strength, because I'll want that forty-five minutes Darling."
"Yes dear." Dipper said with a big smile.
They got dressed and as Dipper opened the door Mabel said. "Good morning guys!"
Dipper closed the door right away and used the intercom. "Mabel put on your pants!"
A few minutes later Mabel was back fully dressed blushing alongside Gideon. "Whoops, Sorry bro! The four of us can hardly keep those on these days."
"It was my fault too Dipper. I should have noticed but I can't help but take all of her in." Gideon said lost in his wife's eyes.
"I think we all might be turning into nymphomaniacs." Pacifica said.
Dipper decided to pump the breaks. "Let's just put this behind us." Later after breakfast was served, they had a family/company meeting. "As you know we are picking up Dr. Turgo at a trading outpost bordering Cotax space." As Dipper talked Ixcia displayed a picture of a green skinned alien with big nostrils and a map of the local region with Imperium space in yellow, Cotax space in red, and small group of regions of unclaimed space in blue with a space station marked inside the blue area. "Dr. Turgo is developing a quantum infuser for his people and if we get him to their research station in addition to our usual fee, he has agreed to make us one."
Gideon whooped and cheered. "Boy howdy! With that we can finally leave the Isoban galaxy behind!"
"If we get to another galaxy that the Imperium hasn't touched then maybe we can find someone who can point us home." Mabel said.
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Dipper continued. "We have to get permission from the Cotax to pass through their space to avoid the Imps."
"That's right." Pacifica said. "The Cotax are one of the few races that the Imps haven't taken any territory from."
"Dr. Turgo is talking with Cotax representatives at the outpost now. Pacifica and I will help finish those talks but you two have to take care of something else and it has to do with how we've all been acting lately."
"What?" Mabel asked.
"We've all been very happy since we've married but we also have been letting things slide, were almost out food and we need enough for the two-week trip for five, make sure we have things he can eat. Also, we need to get replacement parts, we all have been slacking off on maintenance."
"Right, I'll get the vital components first." Gideon said.
"And I'll get the groceries." Mabel added.
"One last thing and this is for all of us. This going to be the first passenger we've had since our wedding and we should probably try to tone it down while he's here. We don't want a repeat of this morning."
Pacifica wrapped her arms around her husband and whispered in his ear. "Mason, I think your worrying too much. We'll put in him in one of the back two rooms, so he doesn't overhear anything, but he knows he's going to be on a ship with two newlywed couples."
A few hours later Ixcia was docked at a small space station. The crew went their separate ways Dipper and Pacifica found their way to a room that not only had their client but two large alien centipedes. "Ah, the crew of the ship that wishes to use our space as a shortcut." One of them said.
"I hope Dr. Turgo has convinced you of the necessity of our mission Admiral." Dipper said sitting down.
"His promise of technology to even the odds against the Imperium has swayed the high command to grant your ship passage."
Pacifica smiled. "Great! It would have taken us three months of avoiding Imp patrols to go around."
"We have even taken the liberty of charting your course. Major." The Cotax gestured to his colleague who touched a few controls and the screen on the nearby wall shown a rather erratic course.
"We have plotted a route that will help you avoid our colonies, military outposts, and secured areas. Deviation from this course is not recommend. Additionally, you will have your ships weapons and cloak deactivated in our space, you will not take any scans, or contact any Cotax ship."
"No wonder the Imps haven't got them, these guys are more paranoid then I was back in Gravity Falls." Dipper thought.
The Major continued. "You will be required to stop for inspection at the fourteen following locations…"
"Excuse me but this is unacceptable!" Dr. Turgo said as with each angered exhale the space above his nostrils expanded like balloons before returning to normal size. "I studied the specifications of their ship and according to my calculations it will take them no less than two months to follow that course!"
"Doctor please calm down." Dipper said. "But he does make a valid point. We were planning for a two-week voyage and with no stops on this route except for inspections we wouldn't be able to resupply. Maybe we can make a course that's a little more direct?"
"Absolutely not!" The Admiral yelled. "Surely you can get additional supplies here."
Dipper was about to argue his point when the room shook. Then a voice came over the stations P.A. system. "Attention, attention. Imperium forces are attacking the station! Security report to your battle stations! Residents are to report to the nearest shelter!"
"Guess we're out of time! Okay we'll take your course! Just transfer it to my scantrix!" Dipper said.
"Done. We'll head back to our warship and cover your escape!" The Admiral said.
Pacifica nodded and held out her hand. "Thanks, Doctor come with us!"
"This is the kind of thing I was trying to avoid!" Turgo said as they ran.
"We got most of the supplies loaded before the shooting started." Mabel said as the trio came in from the starboard airlock.
"Ixcia follow the course I just downloaded and get us into Cotax space as fast as you can!" Dipper ordered.
"Confirmed." Ixcia said. She undocked from the station and flew away while a red hourglass shaped ship fired on three Imperium cruisers. "Hyper Jump in 5…4…3…2…1."
Gideon wiped sweat of his brow. "That was close."
"Do have your research?" Pacifica asked Dr. Turgo.
"Right in here." He tapped his finger on his head.
"Good." Dipper then sighed. "Mabel, Gideon, I've got some bad news. The Cotax would only let us in if we follow this ridiculous course that will take us two months!"
Mabel was not happy. "But I only got us enough food for two weeks! Once that's gone, we'll only have those gross algae bars!"
"Frankly I prefer them." Dr. Turgo said. "Leaves me more time to run my calculations."
Gideon rubbed Mabel's shoulders. "Mabel, Marshmallow, look at it like this way, a month and a half from now we'll never have to have one of those things again."
"In any event, doctor let's show you to your room." Dipper said.
It was one-week later Mabel and Gideon had just woken up. "Good morning my queen." Gideon said.
"Morning Giddy." Mabel then felt the sweat on herself from last night. "I could use a vibro-cleaning."
"Go on ahead my sweet. I going to lift a few weights and then maybe I'll join you."
"Okay!" Mabel got her clothes on and grabbed a clean set and made her way to the lavatory. She stripped down and place her dirty clothes on the rack and turned on the cleaner which made a low pitch sound. While she waited for it to get to the frequency she liked, Mabel looked in a nearby mirror. "You are so lucky Mabel, you're on the adventure of a lifetime with a loving husband like you always wanted, what could make it…" Then the cleaner changed to a high-pitched sound cracking the mirror. Mabel looked up and saw the cleaner was smoking.
Ten minutes later Gideon was finished looking over the vibrational cleaner, hovering by his rocket pack. "This one part failed and that started a chain reaction with the other components."
"Can it be fixed?" Dipper asked.
"I could jerry rig one replacement part but not the whole thing."
"But you got all those replacement parts." Mabel said.
"For vital systems like life support or the engines."
Dipper sighed. "Then we are going to start to stink. Paz is not going to be happy."
Pacifica spoke to over the comm. "Guys! Get to the common area now!"
Everyone got there and Eyes on the Imperium was on. "This just in, our noble centurions have finally crushed the last of the terrorists of the Onyx Brotherhood." The Soothsayer slid to the side showing an image of the wreckage of several kill cruisers. "Their leader General Piker is…" The feed cut out and an impact was felt.
"No!" Gideon yelled. "Ixcia what happened?"
"A meteoroid has destroyed secondary receiver array. We can still receive direct communications, but we no longer have access to the cosmo-net."
"Let me guess, that wasn't a primary system either, so we don't have the parts to replace it." Mabel said.
It was two weeks in Dipper was right, Pacifica was not happy. "Mason, put your boots in the closet when you're not wearing them! I almost tripped on them!"
"I'm sorry okay, I just forgot!" Dipper tossed his boots in the closet they shared.
"It's bad enough that the vibra-cleaner is out but I refuse to have our quarters become a pig sty!"
"I know it's bad but…"
"I can hardly sleep with your stinky pits!"
Dipper had enough. "You're not the only one losing sleep! You've been keeping me up with your snoring!"
Pacifica couldn't believe what her husband said. "I do NOT snore!"
Across the hall the things weren't much better with the Gleefuls. "Gideon please, come to bed." Mabel said.
"You go on to sleep. I got to finish this." Gideon fiddled with some machinery.
"Can't it wait until tomorrow? You barely talked all day."
"Blast it woman, stop being so clingy!" Gideon snapped.
"What?! After all these years trying and waiting to get together now your suddenly bored with me?! Whatever! Good night!" Mabel wrapped herself in their bedsheet and turn her back toward Gideon.
Halfway through their journey and things have not gotten any better. Mabel and Pacifica were in the cargo bay, they set up a game of bowling using empty bottles of apa tea as pins and a ball shaped part from the virbra-cleaner. Pacifica bowled a strike and Mabel clapped. "See I told you, it would work, I'm a master at makeshift entertainment. That was a great throw, set them up again Soostron." The robot reset the pins while Mabel picked up the ball
"It was easy, I just pictured the pins are my husband's face!" Pacifica said. "I never thought I'd be playing a game with trash, but I'd do just about anything to get rid of this boredom."
"I hear you sister, Dipper can be a slob, but at least he doesn't have everything in your quarters in a specific spot and complains if you move one little thing, even Waddles!"
"Gideon…" Pacifica growled. "He nearly bit my head off when I bumped into the other day. What is with the men on this ship lately? Did you know Dipper actually said I snore?"
Mabel got a confused look on her face. "But you do snore."
"No, I don't! How could you possibly know if I did?"
"You and I slept in the same tent before we were abducted, I heard you."
"I should have known you'd take your brother's side!"
"I'm just telling the truth!"
"I DON'T SNORE!"
It wasn't much better up in the common area using the holoprojector Dipper and Gideon were playing a makeshift game of Dungeons, Dungeons, & more Dungeons. "Probabilitor casts a spell of Maddening Itchiness on you." Dipper said.
"I counter with a spell of Iron Skin." Gideon said while working on the same device he was weeks ago.
"Gideon your character is a barbarian, He can't cast spells! You're not even paying attention!" Dipper said annoyed. "What are you even working on?"
Dipper reached over and grabbed the machine. "Hey!" Gideon pulled it back.
"Gideon, that's what left of the secondary receiver! Why are trying you to fix something that is beyond repair?"
"You wouldn't understand! Forget the game! I need to work on this." Gideon left for the engine room.
Dipper yelled as Gideon left. "You asked me to show you how to play!"
"Is there something wrong?" Dr. Turgo asked.
"How do you stay sane? I get you don't mind the food but without being able to get clean and nothing to do how can you stand it?"
"I shed my skin once a week and living among other aliens I have learned to tolerate much worse odors. As for entertainment, I need nothing more than my mind to run the calculations of my work, making a quantum infuser is just a small part as I look over the math of the creation of the universe. I am sorry that this voyage has taken this toll on your family Captain Pines."
"I just hope we can finish it without tearing each other apart."
Five days later another inspection was finished. "Ten times they scanned Ixcia and ten times they find nothing they have to worry about! They're just wasting their time!" Mabel said.
"Well we have no choice." Dipper closed the airlock behind the Cotax inspection team.
"I know that Dipper! I'm not an idiot!"
"Do we have to do this now?"
"All crew members please report to the bridge, a situation has arisen that threatens the crew." Ixcia said with her enlarged avatar.
The whole crew assembled. "What's the problem Ixcia?" Pacifica asked.
"The problem is the growing anger between the four of you and as part of my directive to see to the wellbeing of this crew I must intervene."
"Ixcia, we are just having a hard time with this trip that's all." Gideon said.
"I disagree, it has been several weeks since any of you have been intimate with your partners." Everyone hung their heads.
Mabel then lifted her head. "Wait a minute. How do you know when the last time we were intimate was?"
"You forget that she sees everything that happens on this ship all the time." Dipper said.
"Do not worry. I do not record anything that would be considered personal or private." Ixcia reassured. "What I do not understand is that you have endured downed systems and disagreements in the past under much more stressful circumstances and never have the tensions between the four of you been this great."
"Maybe that's part of the problem." Dipper thought for a moment. "Here in Cotax space there isn't much threat to us, so we have a lot more time and focus for our anger to fester. When we can be attacked at almost any time we tend to play down the small stuff."
"What do we do about it?" Gideon asked.
"All data points to you talking with your spouses and try to settle your differences." Ixcia said.
"Like the mature adults we should be." Mabel sighed. The couples went to their rooms to talk. "Okay Gideon spill! What has been going on with you! Ever since the systems went down you've been a big grump and I want to know why."
Gideon clenched his fists. "It's not that easy! None of you can understand!"
"I'm your wife Giddy. I'll understand."
"No! You can't because you were never a Raider!" Gideon yelled before he began to cry.
"That report about the Onyx Brotherhood."
"I don't know if the commander is dead or alive and he's the only one left. Everything they…we fought for together and now it is all for nothing."
Mabel hugged her husband tight. "Gideon your wrong. Even if Piker is gone which I'm sure he's not, it wasn't for nothing! They kept you alive long enough for you to come back to us, to me. Piker gave you a mission to help us all get home, as long as your alive then so are the best parts of the Onyx Brotherhood. I'm sorry, I should have known that news would hurt you."
"No, I never should have pushed you away. I'm supposed to protect you and here I am blubbering like a baby."
"You never have to hide your tears with me."
Across the hall Dipper and Pacifica were also having a discussion. "All right Paz let's talk. I know things are kind of gross right now, but all this complaining is something I would have expected from the old you. Is it really about my leaving my boots on the floor or how I smell?"
"No, you were right about having all this free time. I've had a lot of time to think lately, about me and my family. Do you remember the last job we did before this one?"
Dipper thought for a moment. "We delivered transmitter components."
"Close. They were fakes while we smuggled stolen fire jades."
"Right. We agreed to do it so Rensock would forgive our debt." Dipper didn't care for the crime boss.
"Last month I was going over the books from that job and I realized that I was doing what my family has done for generations! Lie and cheat, the only difference is while they got rich, I'm doing it just to keep this ship going!" Pacifica sat down on their bed. "You were right to say that I've been acting like my old self because when I found out I began to wonder if I really changed at all. I was angry at myself becoming what I vowed to never be and when I almost tripped…"
"I was an easy target."
"Yelling at you seemed to confirm my fears which made me angrier, so I lashed out at everyone else acting even more like the spoiled brat that I was! I'm disgusting!"
Dipper took Pacifica's hand. "No, you have changed. The old you wouldn't have cared about what she did to make money or if she hurt our feelings, you hate yourself for it."
"I should have talked about this before with you or Ixcia instead of complaining about your habits."
"I'm not blameless here. I got angry and picked the first thing that came into my head to attack you, the truth is your snore is very cute."
"That is sweet of you to say Mason but for the last time I do not…"
Ixcia played a recording of light snoring. "I apologize for interrupting, but I believe this recording from last night is necessary to keep the progress you made."
"Okay I know when I'm proven wrong."
That night elsewhere in the galaxy Vax contacted a Cotax. "Argraf you there?"
"Yeah I'm here what do you want?"
"I need you to disable the sensor grid at the following coordinates. My sources tell me the bounty I'm hunting will be close in a few days." Vax forwarded the data.
"If I'm caught doing this I could get in serious trouble."
"I saved your reputation, you owe me, don't worry your ships won't see me but that grid is another matter."
At the same time a different Cotax wearing a yellow robe got a call from Crix. "Greetings brother."
"Greetings brother. I have a way for you to help me serve the one true master. There is a ship in you space with an item I require. Can you make it so the detection grid gives a false signal so that I may pass?"
"I could just get the item myself. If you attack the ship, then our forces will be on you in minutes."
"No! I will not tell anyone what it is! I have a way will keep them from calling for help. Either help me and the master will reward you or you get nothing at all!"
"Very well we all live to please the master."
Only one week was left on the course and Dr. Turgo had left his room for his daily algae bar. He found the whole crew in the common area playing a card game. "Well you all seemed to have patched things up."
"We're getting there. We've all been talking but it still might be a bit before things are completely back to normal." Dipper said.
"How's your work going Doc?" Mabel asked.
Turgo smiled. "Think I'll have the final calculations finished in a few days, then after a week we'll have a working prototype."
"Great! And with just one week left things finally seem to be looking up!" Gideon said.
Then the whole ship shook.
Pacifica pulled herself off the floor. "We got to stop saying things like that!"
Everyone ran to the bridge. "Ixcia report!" Mabel ordered taking the helm.
"We are under attack by Vax." Ixcia said.
"What? The Cotax promised me safe passage!" Turgo asked rapidly inflating and deflating the sacks behind his nostrils.
"He's not after you." Dipper explained as he got to navigation. "Because we damaged his perfect record the guy has become obsessed with catching us." Gideon sat at engineering while Pacifica took tactical.
"He's opening a channel with us." Ixcia said.
Vax appeared on screen while his wing shaped ship flew by. "Surrender, your shields can't last forever."
"Neither can yours!" Pacifica began to target Vax's ship.
"Wait, if you fire the Cotax will attack us! Same if you cloak." Dr. Turgo said.
"Then why aren't they here shooting him?" Dipper asked.
"Scatter field generator. As long as they're at long range they can't see me." Vax explained.
"Incoming signal from Crix." Ixcia said.
"Crix too?" the whole crew was shocked.
"Another bounty hunter?" Dr. Turgo asked.
"No, but he thinks we have something he wants." Mabel said after switching the channel the Crix. "Listen Crix, the Cotax have gone over the ship over a dozen times with a fine-tooth comb! We don't have what you're looking for!"
"Lies! Surrender and prepare to be boarded! And don't think of calling for help! I'm jamming all long-range communications. I've also masked my ship, so their scans will show one of their own ships!" Crix fired on the Ixcia.
"Great after fighting each other for two months we make up only for these bozos to blast us!" Gideon complained.
"Fighting…" Dipper said.
Mabel finished the thought. "…each other." The whole pines family knew what to do. "Do what you need to do guys! I try to keep them off us."
Dipper went straight to work. "Routing each of you to one of the ships."
Vax was in front of Pacifica. "Hey fluffy, do you really think you'll get your rep back? Do you even know who else is shooting at us? What will everyone say when they find out you needed help from a newbie."
Vax growled. "I was here first!"
At the same time Gideon talked to Crix. "Crix this other guy is a bounty hunter; you think he'll just let you on board? All he needs to get the bounty on us is show that he blew up our ship. So, go ahead and keep shooting while he blows your prize into stardust."
Crix was livid. "Nooooooo!"
Vax contacted Crix. "Back off! This is my bounty rookie!"
"The Ixcia is mine! No one shall have it but me!" Crix fired on Vax and the two twisted and turned as they shot at each other.
Dr. Turgo looked on the scene. "Wait…"
"Ixcia now! While their distracted!" Dipper said. They jumped leaving both of their enemies behind.
"With their gear set the way it is the Cotax must be confused by one of their ships shooting at nothing." Mabel laughed.
"We might not always get along, but this family can handle anything!" Pacifica said.
Gideon knew what to do next. "All together now y'all!"
"Pines! Pines! Pines!" the whole crew cheered.
A week later the Ixcia was finally out of Cotax space and docked at the science station. "Well doctor it wasn't pleasant, but we got you here." Dipper said. "The fee has been paid and all that left is to make arrangements for giving us that infuser."
"Yes, there might be a problem, something that might throw all my calculations off." Dr. Turgo said. "But to be sure I would need evidence that there are other universes."
"Oh, I took a brief trip through the multiverse once. Don't recommend it." Mabel said.
"I was afraid of that. Watching those two ships fight got me thinking about my calculations and I came to conclusion that the existence of multiple realities would mean that I've been going about the math of the infuser all wrong. If we made one based on the work that I was doing it would likely blow your ship into a thousand pieces. I'm sorry but if I must start over from scratch and my people won't have one for you for five to ten years if we can hold off the Imperium that long. You made that trip for nothing."
"It's okay doctor." Dipper shrugged. "At least we have a buffer against the Imps for now."
"And we didn't get blown up which is always a plus for this family." Mabel said.
Gideon and Pacifica came up to them smiling. "We have good news." Pacifica pointed to Gideon.
"We looked on the Cosmo-net and no one knows what happened to Commander Piker! The imps wouldn't hesitate to confirm that he's dead!" Gideon fist pumped.
"That's great guys but it looks like we aren't getting a quantum infuser here after all." Dipper said.
Dr. Turgo bowed his head. "All I can do to make it up to you is to give you additional funds to repair your ship and the location of an uninhabited planet that should have food other than algae bars on the way to the nearest port.
Pacifica cuddled up to Dipper. "After that trip we could all use some time off the ship."
A few days later Ixcia was on a planet with several islands with tropical beaches. Mabel and Pacifica had just got out of the water wearing swimsuits they bought but never thought they would use. Mabel was in a yellow tube top bikini while Pacifica wore a pink string bikini. "It feels so good to wash myself in the ocean." Pacifica said.
Mabel nodded. "And the juices from that fruit we found makes a great shampoo." She then looked to see Dipper and Gideon come out of the trees holding several purple spikey pieces of fruit. Dipper was in only red swim trunks while Gideon wore green trunks. "Hey guys!"
"This should be enough to last us until we get to port. They're tart but much better than algae bars." Gideon said.
"Do we have to leave so soon?" Pacifica asked.
Dipper shook his head. "No, we can stay a couple more days."
"Good, because tonight I think we should all go for a swim under those twin moons."
"We might even leave the swimsuits on the ship if you guys want." Mabel said caressing Gideon's pecs.
"We'll see." Dipper said as Pacifica did the same with her husband. "Hey Pacifica, I was wondering, what do think about me growing a goatee?"
"Let me put it this way if you ever grow one then either you shave it off or I will. With my knife."
"Okay, so no. I can live with that." Dipper said. The Pines family began to laugh, it was the best end to the worst trip they have had so far.