Nomad, Shin's Story
Chapter 3: Faith
Author's Notes:
There is some very light sexual themes near the beginning but nothing that becomes anything. Surprisingly, the next few chapters I speculate are about to be some of the smuttiest in the series which I never would have expected but just how it panned out. Unfortunately, my readers, you'll have to head over to the more smut progressive AO3 if you want the smut. I have the same handle there.
For this clean, joyous chapter though, enjoy!
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"…Hey, man, you…you okay?"
Yagami Shin had heard Nelly say it a few times in different stages of his life. When he was a young child, he talked about how funny it was that this once, Koji was standing in a window when they were four years old. When he was around ten, he said with some skepticism how weird it was Koji was standing in a window in the middle of the night like that. At sixteen, Nerimaru would whisper 'he was going to jump out of that fucking window, Shin'.
He…never quite knew what to say. Koji was this strange figure in his mind, like unyielding and ornery to the point of insanity. If he had to say any one person in his family he felt particularly threatened by, it would have to be Koji. Not insomuch that he'd hurt him. No, Koji didn't hurt them, just…he knew if it came down to it? If Shin had done something that would incur Yagami Koji's wrath, he'd never survive it. He was…dauntless. Thus, the idea that he was ever at a point so far in defeat that he'd kill himself just seemed…bewildering. So to currently find him sitting on the roof of their mansion, it went entirely against his vision.
Koji was still wearing the all black suit he wore to the service, hugging his knees and apparently staring out in the distance in the autumn sundown. Shin tilted his head a bit, seeing he was gripping something in the hand visible to him. Looked like silver.
Koji didn't say anything. He might not have heard him. Shin felt a little queasy. "Koji."
"I'm not throwing myself off, Shin. Just wanted to think a little, shit."
Pursing his lips, not understanding why that couldn't be done on stable ground, Shin nervously ambled out to sit a distance away from him. Koji wasn't much for proximity when he was like this. While he'd sometimes go out on his parent's balcony, he'd never done this. He could see a few different estates in the distance and the overhang of trees and the warm colors of the setting sun. It hadn't gotten abominably cold yet so the gentle wind felt relaxing. Oh. "Huh, this…this isn't as bad as I thought."
"Mm."
Of course, if he looked down, that might be another story. Shin curled his heels into the roof, gazing after some birds flying away, "…The world is kind of a miserable place, isn't it?"
"Yea."
"I can't imagine you're supposed to…do all this great stuff or what you want and then just…something takes that away from you in the spans of a few months. It's…it's stupid."
Koji's eyes were half-closed, just empty and void. It was a peculiar thing. When Koji was busy fearing for his life only to be resolved that he could live on, Okita Saiyuri lost that same resolution. Leukemia. It…it was pretty devastating to witness. Shin was…thankful that he didn't have to watch Koji go through that, he would have been a complete wreck, but…
They weren't together long but Koji admitted he was in love with her. 'I…I dunno, she just knew how to talk to me. She…she knew how to get through a layer of something even I can't break through'. Shin sort of knew what he meant and…and he was devastated that the outcome wasn't Sai overcoming the illness, that she was taken by something so tumultuous, so cruel. He was sad that Koji seemed to be ready to give up.
But… "What made you break that out? The necklace."
When he was ten, Koji had asked their mother if she could make a heart necklace and split the heart in two to mail to him before he left Mineral Town, where their maternal grandfather lived. Shin slightly recalled the woman being aghast that Koji was ready to 'give a piece of his heart' to someone so young. Pretty much everyone said she was overreacting and it was a cute sentiment. So, she did and that was the promise piece Koji had had for years with Lyla's cousin. He put it away not too long ago when he said 'fairytales were bullshit'.
"…Sai. I guess she was asking that I not give up on love or a future" Koji shrugged absently, "…Little hard to do after seeing her dead."
"…I can only imagine."
"I'm glad Parsley's out of the picture."
Shin made a face, glancing to Koji, uncertain if he could believe his brother was already back to nudging that he and Lyla would be a good couple. "Koji, she's my best friend. That's it. I don't want any more than that."
Shrugging, his somewhat younger brother planted his palms on either side of him, "That's fine, Shin. And I get it, really. But I hope you also get what I've always alluded to for her. I guess I'll do it if I have to but you seem more logical."
…Damn. Shin made a face, shaking his head, "Our mom. Lyla…how do you just decide who someone is gonna marry? That's a partnership, a…a bond. You don't just decide for someone else who that gets to be."
"Shouldn't, but what you described also can be mutated into a business agreement" Koji murmured, "And Lyla is his only stock so the stakes need to be good."
Bull. "I wouldn't give him a bronze coin. What I won't do is BUY someone either."
Koji gazed up, frowning, "…Yea, guess I didn't think that far ahead. Y'know, since we're just a bunch of heathen hafu to him anyway."
"…I do love Lyla, Koji, and I'll do whatever I have to for her. But I…I might do some things that aren't going to put me in good standing with OUR dad, let alone hers."
His brother looked at him with a raised brow, "…I struggle to imagine a scenario that would make that occur, man. What are you planning?"
"Well…I'm not sure yet, but…if I'm still thinking about it a year from now? You'll be the first to know because I'm going to need you to talk me out of it" Shin sighed deeply.
Koji's face grew even more incredulous, slowly shaking his head, "…I literally just lost my girlfriend, Shin, I dunno if I'm ready to get additional crazy out of you of all people."
"Promise, Koji, we'll worry about that in a year and a half, okay?" Shin murmured, "…For now, can we please get off this roof?"
"Fine."
Patting Koji's back as they went back through the window, he honestly hoped something else fell in his lap because his dad? While he still hadn't addressed not being a doctor with the man, he knew the man would rather him do ANYTHING but what he was leaning toward. It was almost laughing in the face of what his father did. It would be like dying from something he did have some control over because he put himself in that situation.
…He would be throwing himself into a type of unpredictable chaos. A year and a half.
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"Shin?"
Yagami Shin opened his eyes and it was the day before his 18th birthday.
He was exhausted after exams and found himself lying in bed on Saturday. It wasn't only the long hours studying that had him fatigued but, oh, that potential decision that would have the father that sacrificed everything to make sure he lived comfortably hate him? He was still considering it.
He did one more shadowing of his dad's hospital just to make sure he wasn't just giving up. No, when he saw firsthand a man die from going into cardiac arrest, he knew. He sat down with his dad in his office that night.
"…Papa, I never want to disappoint you."
Yagami Yamada had looked startled, like this wasn't a sentiment he was expecting. Yea, comparing his parents to other parents, Yagami Yamada and Dana were very liberal. They never made them feel like they had expected career paths. Still, to say he had changed his mind from the job his dad was so devoted to?
"Shin, I…I hope I have never in your life made it seem like a decision you make would disappoint me. I mean, aside from killing someone."
…Yea. "Y-Yea. So, uh, I just…I don't think I can deal with the things I can't change being a doctor, dad. I get it, you do all you can and that's the task. Just, to do ALL you can? And…and have it not matter at all? Like, in any capacity? I…I can't do that. I'm sorry."
"Well…I mean, I am a little disappointed but not with you, son. It's not looking strong that any of my brood is taking the doctor path at this point…"
Yea, Shin had a strong feeling that no one after him would even much consider it. "It is a tough job and I know the time I've had to be away from you all hasn't made it look any better. I understand."
Oh, of course he could understand that. But would he understand Shin's next course of action?
He yelped, shocked, when someone pounced on top of him. He was kind of used to that but…well, his body wasn't quite in an appropriate frame for this person in particularly to be jumping on him. Okamoto Lyla also looked a little surprised, his 'assaulter' and he flustered, smiling as he sat up. "Uh, yea, sorry."
"Oh, um, was I…?"
"N-No, no, it's a…dude thing. We just wake up like that. You know, in case you end up with some guy that tries to make that into something else."
Lyla scowled pensively as she sat on the unoccupied side of the bed, Shin standing up and wrapping one of his blankets around his hips. "…I guess that is good to know. It's kind of late for you to be asleep though."
He looked at the clock and groaned, not realizing it was one o'clock in the afternoon. He was surprised the kids weren't bothering him. Of course, another shocking development of life was his little siblings were bratty pre-teens that didn't need big brother. Jill had actually started making dinner on her own too. It was…wistful. A lot of things were.
"Just…anxiety, Lai."
"About what?" she asked, crossing her legs.
Entering his bathroom, he ran his fingers through his hair, "…The future."
"Oh yea, I know what you mean" Lyla groaned, "I can't believe where father is sending me."
Yea, he couldn't either. By February, Lyla had been informed that she was going to a 'lady's school'. He had literally no idea what that meant, he imagined it was just an all-girl's college. Alas, his mom looked somewhat taken aback before disclosing it was like a small dormitory where young women were sent to learn to be wives. Um, what? "…I…I mean, is she going to learn like…science or math or literature? Something?"
"How to sip tea and be quiet, Shin. Nothing more, nothing less."
Oh, terrific. And she didn't care either because she was never allowed to have a damn goal. Like his mom, she was supposed to be someone's wife. After that, that's it: she was a wife. Done. Nothing else needed to be accomplished.
"Lyla, come on, like, you've really been getting into those floral bands and stuff. You could definitely be a florist or something" he insisted, turning on the water to wash his face.
She shrugged. Terrific. "Lai…"
"I understand, Shin. I can do a lot of things. What about you?"
Grimacing, he rubbed his face and droned, "I…dunno yet."
"You're going to college, right?"
…Man. "Um, let's…discuss that over lunch. Have you had lunch yet? Let me take a shower."
Shin quickly turned on the shower to drown out the question because, no matter what? He did not intend to go to college right now.
Koji was confusingly into stocks and the like, often looking at their mother's finances at Yagada and thinking about long-term investments. Something of a savant, really. He was going to college for his bachelor's in business administration or something, he'd already decided. Nelly just shrugged and decided he'd do the same. Koji admitted to Shin that he intended to go to a school away from Nelly. Not because he really didn't want to be with his brother, he clarified, but he thought a little separation was healthy given they'd been together their whole lives. Fair.
But…him? Shin looked at every college and none of it would aid him in his goal, not even internationally. After he potentially met his endeavors, he might pursue a degree in something like criminal justice but as of right now? No…he was not attending college, yet another thing for his dad to be pissed about when he announced it.
Taking a quick rinse, he came out and…found Lyla looking at a porn magazine he apparently did not rehide.
He inhaled, quickly rushing to take it from her, "U-Uh, th-that shouldn't have been out like that, sorry!"
His best friend gave him a bit of a look, "So you were."
"Not this morning! Seriously, morning wood, it's totally a thing" he groaned.
Lyla waved a hand, standing up, "Oh no, that part I believe."
Eh? "But I guess I didn't think you were the type to look at that sort of thing" she sighed airily.
"Well, unfortunately, I am human, Lai."
Petting down her long skirt, a sign that her dad was back, she frowned. "…So that makes you human?"
"I mean…I guess not, if you don't want to or need then why do it but-t-t-t I get a little tense sometimes, y'know?"
She just raised a brow at him and he figured she fell in that 'don't need to' category. That or…well, damn, she was watched over so closely at home, maybe she just didn't really have the capability…
On his list of things to offer her, a place to get in some hand time was probably at the pinnacle of awkward so he'd probably exit stage left on that. He tilted his head, "Anywho, wanna go grab a bowl of ramen with me?"
"Sure" she agreed, her eyes closing some, "…If you answer some more questions."
…Ho boy. "Um…kay."
He was…not entirely certain he wanted to follow the previous line of questions? But maybe she was talking about college which was also not a line of questions he wanted to answer. He smiled nervously as they quietly got in his car. She'd acted…kind of weird since Parsley ran off and eloped. She had actually started to avoid him for a bit there and he was wondering if he'd said something wrong. He sent her flowers to apologize and she had come over, assuring he had done literally nothing to her before resuming her normal habits. Just, she didn't hold hands with him anymore and she didn't give him hugs. There…was a distance he didn't quite get.
"The picture with the girl's face between the other girl's legs, what was happening?" she questioned bluntly.
Welp. At a loss of words for a solid minute, Shin stared as his driveway became the length of the Earth. "…Um, w-well, that…"
"Do you know?"
"I-It's…called, um…"
Okay, couldn't do it. "You know what? Let me turn around and get Koji, he's great for this" Shin blurted, looking back and about to do a full speeding reverse back to the mansion.
"No way, Shin" Lyla pouted, "Koji-chan is younger than me. I'd feel stupid having him tell me these things."
"That whore is definitely not a 'chan', Lai" Shin snorted dryly, "…Ugh, but fine. It's…it's oral sex. You…you use your tongue and mouth to kind of…pleasure down there, if you will."
Lyla looked confused. "…Would it even feel that good?"
"Um, I'm not sure for a girl but I've heard it feels good? If your partner knows what they're doing anyway."
Her green eyes narrowed pensively before shaking her head, "And the hands?"
"…Hands?"
"Yea, the other picture, the girl had her hands there too. Why?"
That…definitely answered some of his previous questions then. "W-Well, Lyla, I mean, we-weren't you suggesting I was…you know…handling myself?"
"Yes, I unfortunately caught one of my cousins when he was at our summer villa so I know about that Lyla assured, "But the picture, it was a girl."
Shin's brows dropped, stopping at a red light, "…I mean, Lai, you do know it's not like a male one way street, right? Like, guys and girls…masturbate."
Apparently this was news to her as she scoffed, "A girl wouldn't have that 'equipment', Shin."
"The equipment's different but the end result is the same! You…massage as a woman in different places and…maybe like in that picture you…you know, you finger."
"And that weird pink thing?"
"…That was a sex toy. It…also can go places."
One thing was for certain, he was sure ready to have the talk if he had kids because this awkwardness had to be incomparable to anything he'd ever face again. He guessed he hadn't considered how repressed she probably was. "I-I mean, Lyla, since we're all up in the awkward closet right now, I may as well take the extra step and offer but, y'know, you can always use your guest room to…explore if you want."
"…Myself?"
"Yes!" he groaned, "Lyla, it's your body. And I would hate for you to get involved with someone and think that you're not supposed to get something out of sex!"
He pulled into the lot of the ramen place and Lyla idly tapped the sill of the window, looking…annoyed for some reason? "…You're not going to college, Shin?"
"…No, Lai. I…I have other plans but I'm not ready to tell you yet. I'm…I'm not ready for all the disappointment yet."
Staring at him, her face finally softened and she kissed his cheek. "I love you, doofus. I told you you'd never disappoint me."
He'd be lying to himself if he didn't feel the way his heart skipped when she said that initial part. Just, duh, he…he had told Koji that he loved her too so it didn't have to mean anything beyond platonic feelings. But…
"I…I think this will, Lyla. I'm sorry."
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May. He graduated from high school at the end of this month and…he had done it. He'd committed but hadn't told a soul. That was because he knew inside that this was what he wanted but…
Shin awkwardly walked out of the Yagami Mansion, preparing to go for a walk, but instead stopped on the porch. Yagami Koji was sitting in his black car. Despite the twins being nothing but trouble, their dad gifted both Nelly and Koji 1998 Toyota Supra, blue and black respectively. Currently his younger brother was sitting in his, listening to the Deftones and smoking a cigarette. Well…he told him he'd tell him first.
Wandering over to the driver's door, he lightly tapped on Koji's window. Koji had really been trying to make a turn around. He was trying to get in less fights and be calmer…but honestly, Shin figured that was taking a toll on him as he currently had his head rested against the steering wheel. Maybe not a good time…
Koji rolled down the window though, his black cigarette between his lips, "…Yes?"
"Can I talk to you about something? You know, that something we were talking about on the roof a year ago?"
His brow rose and Koji slowly nodded, tilting his head to gesture he climb in the passenger's seat. Shin took a deep breath and opened the door, taking a seat while Koji turned off his music. "…Honestly almost forgot about that. What's the big secret?"
"…I'm not going to college, Koji."
"Yea, can sort of see that not being a thing I would want to tell our parents" Koji snorted.
"No, that's not even the tip of the iceberg, Koji."
Koji held up a hand to pause him, taking a long inhale, before rasping: "….All right, go."
"I joined the Army. I'm going to go overseas and help in the Terran Initiative."
Koji's head fell back against the seat, shaking it slowly, "…I knew it. I knew you weren't gonna leave that alone."
"Koji, we can't turn our heads when people are suffering. It's not the right thing to do and I think I can help. I know I can."
Kneading his brow, Koji whispered, "…Shin, you could die."
… "I…I know that, Koji, and that's why I've been struggling to tell dad" he whimpered, his eyes burning. "How? How do I tell this to dad, huh? How do I tell him I turned from the doctor's path for something like this? He gave me the name of his best friend that got brutally gunned down in the streets and I just fucking volunteered to possibly get gunned down in the streets. How do I tell him when he put everything into making sure we made it out of the slums? How do I tell him, this…saint that's been saving people's lives for twenty years now that I might be out there taking them instead?"
"You just gave me the most monstrous headache in a matter of seconds" Koji laughed dryly, "I do not envy you, Shin, because I'm sorry to tell you: dad is not going to like it. You are his baby and this is real unnecessary to us. I get it, man, I do. I want to help, I want to stop atrocities, but I guess that's where I wuss out. I don't have the drive in me to go over somewhere and get shot at by my enemies."
Shin snorted, "Really? You'd be the first person I'd take with me."
Koji smiled, tapping the cylinder into the ashtray, "…I guess I would do what I'd have to."
"And something inside me is telling me this what I need to do, Koji. This is where my path is leading me and I…I unfortunately went past the point where you talk me out of it. I leave after Jill and Tony's birthday for bootcamp. I'll be there until Christmas then I'm going to be out for three months while they decide where to send me. I'll probably end up deployed on my 19th birthday."
"…Shit, Shin" hissed Koji.
"I…I know. It's moving fast."
"…How do you think even mom's going to take this? She's not going to like it either."
Grimacing, he rubbed his neck. He heard when it was found out Yagami Dana was pregnant with him as a teenager, her mother was going to force her to abort him. Their mama then proceeded to cut a hole in the floor and crawl in the space under the house in the mud and rain to escape to save his life at the risk of her own.
"Hey, hey" Koji scowled as Shin started to hyperventilate, the younger reaching out to rub his back, "I think you're crazy as fuck but I have your back, okay? I support you. And Nelly probably won't be crazy about this either but I know he'll come around. Yea, our parents have done a whole hell of a lot for us to get us here, Shin, but they didn't do that so we stayed within expectations. If this is what your heart said you needed to do then do it. Just you promise me that you live. Whatever it takes, you promise me you come home at the end. I don't tell you jerks this enough but I love you and you don't get to check out on me after all the shit we've been through."
Swallowing, a tear rolling down his face, Shin pursed his lips before breathing. "Promise."
"Okay. When are you gonna tell them?"
"…Graduation night."
…Might as well let them down on a momentous day.
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"…What?"
Yea, it had been a good day.
He woke up that morning throwing up before showering, combing his hair, and putting on his uniform. Yagami Yamada and Dana were all smiles and gushing over him when he came down the steps. "I'm so proud of you, son. I…I'm so glad this went differently for you."
A part of him just wanted to lock himself in a closet and think about what he was doing a little more after that but, well, here they were.
Lyla had already graduated so she had dressed up in a beautiful yellow sundress, wearing the necklace he'd given her those years ago at the beach and a gorgeous smile. God, she hated killing video game ducks, what…what was he going to do when she hated him?
It was only agony, sitting there while the class president spoke to them about the future and how wonderful it could be. Yea, it was looking really not wonderful right now. He was probably white as a sheet when he went up on the podium and retrieved acknowledgment. Soon.
His family praised him and took pictures with him before taking him out to dinner. No, this was not a restaurant announcement so he held his tongue, nibbling at his food. He smiled weakly when Shaun asked him 'now what?'. His dad did look to him curiously as he fumbled with a non-answer.
So, around seven o'clock that night, when they arrived back, Lyla almost left to go home but he requested she stay for a moment. He…he asked if everyone could sit at their kitchen table because he wanted to tell them something. They say in birth order while Lyla sat across from him, his mom and dad at the head. It…felt like he was about to be sentenced to oblivion but…
He knew he had to. He told them he wasn't going to school and he'd joined the military.
At first, there was…dead empty silence. He wasn't even sure he'd said anything at one point until, finally, his father said that. What?
"W-what are you talking about, Shin?" his dad shook his head.
"D-Dad, I want to be a part of the Terran Initiative. I…I want to go help rescue people from the Zechs."
His father was a lot of things. Kind, gentle, patient, and…compassionate. Sometimes he said he'd actually gained those attributes. Shin could tell he was about to see the prior version.
"Have you lost your damn mind?"
Shin sighed, covering his face, because the glimpse he caught of his dad's, it looked like he was about to explode. "Shin—Shin. You—do you realize what war entails? Do you know what it means when you go up against someone that wants you dead? You aren't sharing those people's intentions, Shin, you are going against them and they are going to try to kill you. What are you thinking?"
"You're gonna kill people, nii-san?" Shaun gawked.
"What? No—I mean, I—I dunno, maybe?"
Yes, he possibly was. He knew that but suddenly it occurred to him he didn't want his younger siblings thinking of him as a killer. Yamada glared, "No. This is not up for discussion. You are not joining the military, Shin."
"I…I already have, dad."
"Well, I'm going to go tell them you've lost your mind and to forget it because you're not going, Shin!"
Shaking, feeling…a little discouraged, Shin grimaced when Koji countered, "Dad, Shin's been thinking about this for years. You're not listening to him."
"Oh, so you knew about this?"
Shin quickly defended, "Dad, please, I-I confided in Koji but I wanted to be the one that told you this. He respected my decision and I'm-I'm just asking that you respect my decision too. Dad, I-I swear, I will be fine. I'm-I'm going to make it-"
"How the hell can you promise that?!"
His eyes widened, gaping as his father's eyes pierced through him, just…enraged. "You can't promise that to me, Shin!"
And his father almost threw his chair over and marched out of the house, slamming the door loudly behind him. Huh. That…went precisely as he expected.
Jill slowly stood, folding her hands, "I-I'm sorry, nii-san, but-but I don't want you to go either."
"Jill, sweetie-"
"You're being selfish! Wha-what about us?!" she sobbed, "This is everyone! Everyone in the room, this is all we have! You-you're being selfish!"
He probably would have preferred to die at this point as she ran off, crying, Tony quickly going after her. Nelly tapped his fingertips against the table before giving Koji a look, "…So you really are cool with this, huh?"
"…He swore to me he wouldn't get killed and that's enough for me. All we have is our word."
Nelly frowned at him before wincing, "…Um, we're…we're gonna go check on Jill. Koji."
Koji stood and patted his shoulder as he tried not to hurl, following his twin up the stairs, the two dragging a stunned Shaun with them. Shin took a deep breath and looked to his mother, expecting her to be just…livid. She…she went through just as much if not more to give birth to him and he was just ready to go put that on the line like he was gambling away everything she did.
…Surprisingly, she was calm. Maybe calmly ready to lay him the hell out. However, she gave him a soft smile, "…He's angry right now, sweetie plum, but your papa can't see it's his heart reflected in you. The…path is different but I'm not surprised in the least."
Oh. He breathed some relief as she came over and kissed his forehead, hugging his shoulders. "I'll talk to him, okay? Don't fret."
"T-Thank you, mama."
…He met her getting lost in 'the jungle'. She was just this ethereal magical being to him and she….she had come through a lot of tides with him too. Weakly looking to Lyla, he stared at her as she stared back, her eyes half-closed and her arms crossed.
"…I told you nothing was off limits, Yagami Shin."
…Shit.
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His dad didn't come back. Or, at the very least, he didn't come back and yell at him some more. Shin remembered coming down the stairs to get some water, surprised to hear talking. Sneaking toward the living room, he wedged himself against the corner.
"How can you SAY that, Dana? HOW?!"
Oh jeez. Biting his lip, he took a deep breath. No, no, don't…don't yell at mom for his decisions. He'd…he'd interject.
"I'm asking that…that you have a little faith in him, Yama, that's all."
"You know what else I had faith in? That bastard friend of mine changing and getting better and look at EVERYTHING he did, Dana! Look where he IS! I don't have ANY faith, Dana, especially faith that they're gonna have pity on my son over in the damn desert!"
Shin swallowed hard, daring a peek to see where they were positioned. They were by the French doors in the huge room, his dad looking out and his mom behind him. She had fallen quiet so maybe she didn't know how to counter that. Honestly, Shin…didn't either.
His father looked…entirely peaked, his brows furrowed and the skin around his eyes tight, his jaw equally as taut. Definitely brought out that old side of him, he guessed. He shook his head slowly, "…I held him in my hands when he was born. I held him as-as that helpless newborn and I knew I had to give him everything I had. Sometimes I'd quit in my mind, want to wipe my hands of the duty, but all I had to do was look at him and know that I needed to give him the best—Dana, I turned my back from YOU at some point for our son. Now? Now I-I have to accept him going off to possibly get killed when I've spent my entire life trying to make sure that didn't happen?"
"…He wants to help people, Yama, just like you do. People that…that aren't as privileged as we are. There…there are babies in cages, people being eradicated for no reason. He…he, like you, saw that and wanted to make a difference."
Mama… "Then-then RALLY? Protest? Make petitions? SOMETHING that doesn't place a gun in his hands that has him both KILLING people and having people try to kill him! Do you know how DAMAGING it is to kill someone?"
"Do you?"
Shin frowned, confused. What…? His dad fell quiet and Dana asserted, "YOU did not kill Shin. You did not kill Hisekawa. All those people, their blood was not on your hands, Yagami Yamada, and I want you to realize that one day."
"…I have realized, Dana. But I was a part of their demise and it shakes me to this day, just being…a component. Imagine if I pull the trigger, play judge, jury, and executioner? I can't think of one person I'd be okay doing that to."
"Oh really?"
…Shin was a little disturbed when suddenly his father…sort of smiled darkly? What? "…Mm, no, you're right. There's one I would feel very comfortable with."
"And you will NEVER pursue that bloodlust, correct?" Dana snorted.
"Sure."
"I mean it, Yagami Yamada, promise me. And…and promise that…you'll try to be understanding and forgiving of our son's choice. I don't know what he's going to go through, I…I honestly don't even know what's going to happen to him, but…please? If…if not for him, for me?"
Staring as his father fell silent for some long moments, the man finally turned to Dana, taking her hand and pressing it to his cheek. "…I'd do everything for you, Seika. This…this will take a little time though."
"I know" she assured, "And I know you…ran out of faith so I'll carry us both."
Kissing her palm, his dad took a deep breath and appeared…calmer. He guessed he heard that once, that his dad considered their mom his comfort. He…he wondered how much it would work.
Sneaking away when they apparently were going to kiss a little more, his mind did wander to Lyla. He had tried to call after she left but was told by her maids she was 'asleep'. She…
She probably hated him.
"Have you ever heard dad call mom 'seika'?"
Koji, Nelly, Tony, and Shaun had come out to eat sushi with him. Kaiten-zushi as they were feeling particularly hungry. Jill still despised him right now, rejecting the offer in a huff. This…this was rough.
Koji grabbed an eel roll off the conveyor belt, his brow rising, "…Seika? Universe?"
"Yea, I suppose. You don't think that's like mom's real name or something, right?"
Nelly looked horrified. "…Seika? You think our mom's been our mom for almost twenty years and her name is 'Seika'?"
"Nah. Probably a pet name" said Shaun, surprisingly sage.
They all kind of groaned and 'gagged'. Nelly leered, "Seika? That's so…fucking profound. Can you imagine calling someone your universe?"
"Mom better be dad's universe" Koji snorted.
Tony grabbed futomaki and sent Shin a bit of a look. "What did your girlfriend think of you joining the army, Shin?"
"Yea, what girlfriend?" Shin said sarcastically.
He had been dating a young woman for about a year now. When he revealed to her that he was not only not going to college but joining the armed forces, she dropped him so hard he wasn't even surprised. To be honest, he…wasn't really into her and should have ended it sooner. He gave Koji a bland look as his brother blinked at him knowingly, "And nee-san?"
"'Nee-san' hates my guts."
Nelly shook his head, "Can you blame her, Shin? We're a bunch of rich kids, we don't join the military unless we're in trouble."
Rolling his eyes, Shin muttered, "Imagine, 'rich kid', if one of those kids was our little sister in a cage. Imagine enough people say 'it's not our problem' and do nothing about it? I had to join through the American section to even get involved because Japan doesn't want to get into the mix. I understand why Lai hates me but I…I have to do something."
"Like I said, Shin, do what you need to. But if it comes down to your life, do what you need to do too" Koji said flatly.
Shin nodded and Shaun yawned, "Nee-san will forgive you anyway because she loves you, nii-san."
"Wow, has Koji recruited you?" Shin groaned.
Tony snickered, "C'mon, nii-san, even the blind could see that one."
What? He glowered, shaking his head, "You guys need to learn about 'platonic' relationships."
"We know what a platonic relationship is, bro" Nelly rolled his eyes.
"I don't, what's that?" Shaun frowned.
Koji sipped his soda, drawling, "It's when you have a relationship with someone that is purely friendship. There's nothing romantic or sexual going on. You know what sex is, right?"
"Oh yea."
Smirking, Shin shook his head, "I'm always glad for these brotherly chats."
"I think it's…platonic on your side, nii-san, but it's probably not platonic on nee-san's" Shaun shrugged.
..Eh? Leaning back a bit, Shin shook his head, "…I don't…think so?"
"You wouldn't" Koji droned.
He always worried about that but he took the Parsley deal to mean she was definitely not that interested in him. Sure, he sort of wondered about the watch and little insular things she said but…he was fairly confident they were walking the same relationship street.
With a sigh, he set down his chopsticks, "…You think dad will ever not hate me? And at this rate, Jill?"
"Jill is coming around" Tony assured, tapping a napkin against his lips, "She was researching it and started to feel bad for the Terran kids. I don't know if she wants you doing it but she agrees that something needs to be done."
Shin nodded solemnly and really just…wished his dad would talk to him. Despite that talk he eavesdropped on, the man didn't even give him acknowledgement this morning before he left for work. It…felt a little unfair. While Shin knew this went directly against what his father stood for, his dad never told him what it was he couldn't do…
…This…was some roller coaster.
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"Papa?"
He didn't really know her. She came by sometimes and he thought she was really pretty. She would gush that he was so handsome and would take a Polaroid of him to 'give to mama'. Four-year-old Yagami Shin appreciated that, wanting his mama to see his brand new Kimba shirt his dad got him or his new hat.
That night, however, the woman was rubbing his dad's back as he just…rocked. Shin would always remember how he was shivering, pale, his eyes glued open as he huddled under a blanket. The woman requested to see it so she could put a bandage on it but papa refused. On what?
Shin was never…precisely privy to what that was about, only that it rendered his dad to that state for days. Whatever it was that happened, it absolutely shook the man. He refused to eat what the mystery woman and Yaya made him, he refused to sleep, he just…seemed frozen. Shin had cried.
"Papa, are you dying like Kiba? You can't."
His dad got him a fish once. He was blue and yellow, a pretty fish. Shin had happily named him Kiba but…fish were these short-lived creatures. Shin had gotten back from preschool and found his poor pet fish floating at the top of his little bowl and wondered what he was doing. Yaya had explained it carefully, saying that…everything living eventually died.
Shin wasn't sure what death looked like. It was a mystery to him as Kiba died while he was at school. He figured that…that for his dad to be acting like that, he must've been dying.
Alas, Yagami Yamada snapped out of it, looking at him. Like whatever it was that happened, Shin didn't know what it was he was thinking. Maybe he was coming back from death. However, he recalled how his dad wrapped his arms around him in that small two-bedroom apartment in Wasaba, their home alone, and held him for a long time. "I'm…I'm not going anywhere, son. I promise."
Yagami Shin swallowed as they rode in silence to the bus station. It was June and it was time for the first step. He…was going to boot camp.
There was no reason to have a funeral dirge for him at this stage. Heck, if he got kicked out right here, they wouldn't have to worry about any of it. However, he recognized he'd never been away from his family for longer than a week for school field trips since they all started to live together thirteen years ago. Half a year was…was a long time.
He stole a glance at his dad in the front seat, twiddling his fingers. They got to 'chit chat' in the weeks that followed the man's blowup. Nothing deep or meaningful and his dad made pointed effort to not mention anything about this. Shin…Shin really wanted to talk about it though, to tell the man where his head was at. Usually, he could, but…but this was the first time he felt like his dad was leaving him out here on his own.
As Tony suggested, Jill came around some time back and just pleaded that he help but be 'very careful'. Like Koji, he assured her that that was his intention. Really, everything was a presumption at this junction in his journey. For all he knew, he'd be designated to translation or communications. It…wouldn't be his first choice but he wouldn't mind intercepting enemy transmissions and interpreting them. Just so long as it helped the cause.
…He hadn't spoken to Lyla once since that night. He left a message last night saying he was leaving today but she never responded. He guessed he had let her down.
Pulling up to the station, he gazed out at the other young men and women carrying the army subscribed duffel bags, also with their families. They all exited the vehicle in the same silence they rode over with. He…was feeling ill.
"…Well, Shin, I don't know what to say but good luck and be safe. Don't let them bust your balls too hard" Koji finally offered, walking up to him and shaking his hand, "I'll…try to hold down the fort in your absence."
"Thanks, Koji. I…I know you can" Shin smiled some, "Just keep that temper in check."
"Ha, right."
Yamada seemed to grimace a little. Yes, that 'temper' came from a place everyone knew about except Koji so it wasn't a…solid topic. Nelly easily came in to divert it, "We'll keep him out of trouble. Take care, bro."
"You too, Nelly."
"Nii-san, never be afraid to quit" Shaun said solemnly, zipping his hoodie up a little more.
Shin couldn't help but snicker. "Shaun, I don't think that's a lesson any of us have ever taught you."
"Yea, brat" Koji leered, "Don't make mom and dad question our parenting skills."
Their mom swatted at Koji with a smirk. Tony shuffled his feet, "Well, it's…it's the truth. I mean, don't…don't stay just because. If it's not what you wanna do, don't do it."
"Fair enough" Shin smiled, patting their heads, "I'll keep that in mind."
Jill sniveled before rushing into his chest, wrapping her arms around his torso. "I'll miss you, nii-san. Please call when you can."
"Of course, princess" he murmured, holding her tightly and kissing the top of her head.
Yagami Dana came next, hugging him, "I can't believe my Sweetie Plum is all grown up. I never imagined the day I'd have to let you go…"
"Aww, mama, I'll be back before you know it" he insisted, giving her a squeeze, "I love you."
"I love you too, Shin" she whispered, her eyes glittery.
…Well. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Shin glanced to his father. The man also had his hands in his pockets, looking up at nothing in particular in the sky. Yea, he…guessed that's where they were going to leave it at, huh?
"…Shin."
Oh. "…Yes, dad?"
"…I told you I'd never be disappointed in you. I…have to say, for the past month, I've…probably been disappointed in you so I apologize for lying."
Jeez. "I understand, dad…"
"However…" he mumbled, "…I…had a parent that did not support a single thing that I did for some ungodly reason and I swore I'd never do that. If anything, if…if she felt like this, I think I understand her a little better. However, I…I still have every reservation and disagreement with this decision but I…I'm going to spend this time trying to get a little more comfortable with the idea. You've…you've not once in your life led me to believe you would make poor decisions. I…I'm still proud of you, Shin, and…and I hope you find what you need to do here."
"…Thank you, dad" he rasped.
The man gave him a hug and Shin felt relief. Damn, the man still didn't agree but he was going to try, that…that was such a load off. He was going to be so distracted during basic training with that on his conscience but now he…he was clear and free.
Smiling, waving at them as he put the duffel bag on his shoulder, he headed to board the bus, the officer advising five minutes to departure. Out of the corner of his eye, though, he saw a flash of pink disappear on the other side of the bus…
…Maybe? Taking a detour, he rushed over and breathed out, "Lyla!"
Sure enough, his best friend came to a stop, apparently trying to make an escape. Jeez. "H-Hey, Lyla."
She turned to him, her face completely expressionless. Dang. "C'mon, Lai, you came all this way, you…you could at least tell me 'goodbye', huh?"
"…Bye."
Groaning, he got closer as she looked at her feet. "Lyla, I…I know you hate me for this but I…I'm going to help people in need. I…I feel this is my calling. Maybe things will change but…this is it right now. I…I want to make you proud, okay? You know, so…so you can tell your dad your 'hafu' best friend did something good."
Her eyes narrowed. Bleh. Shin walked closer and gave her a kiss on the cheek, giving her hand a little squeeze. "…I love you, Lyla. Take care."
He recalled he was just going to walk away to get on the bus, bothered but determined to show all of them this was worth it. That had been it. Lyla…caught his hand though.
Shin had stopped, turning around to look back at her and ask what was wrong…instead, her lips pressed against his tenderly.
She pulled away, her face so…sad. "…I love you too, Shin. And I'll….I'll never hate you and I'll never let you have to prove anything to my father. Just…just be safe."
And she quickly walked back around toward where his family was standing to leave him there, stunned absolutely senseless.
He jolted when the bus horn honked and he quickly got up his bag, almost running onto the bus and settling in the middle seat. Everyone's family was standing outside, waving and calling to their loved ones.
…Shin nervously looked out and saw his family gesturing wildly, calling to him 'safe travels'. He flushed as Lyla just looked at him solemnly.
…Damn it. So much for a clear mind.
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End Notes:
So there's a lot of references to Dirty here which is every bit a behemoth of a story. Like, that thing is a monster. It's definitely not my compilation of Yume, Otome, and ENDGAME but that's literally three stories. But, you get the general gist of it here. The only thing I'll mention was the climactic chapter, or, one of them, was titled Duplicity in Faith. It's technically where Yamada lost almost all of his.
It's so weird to finally get this portrayed because Yamada has called Dana 'Seika' in my head for so many years but it's always in scenarios I imagine where they're entirely alone. Also in scenarios I haven't gotten to write yet because they're just not…pressing. Alas, finally got it in there!
Kaiten-zushi is like the sushi coming around on the conveyor belt and they charge you based on the plates/plate colors, I believe.
So, when it comes to this universe's politics, I really want to detour from real world politics. However, as indicated in the last two chapters of ENDGAME, this Terran issue, based kind of off the Rune Factory series, is located in like Iraq area, which, of course, is where America keeps getting our nose all up in. But you'll also recall the enemies are not Iraqi people but a conglomerate of nationalities with some genocidal tendencies using the desert as their backdrop. Which…probably still a little too close but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
See ya'll soon!