Nomad, Shin's Story

by Dark Ryuu

Growing up, Shin (Toy) always wanted to do the right thing for everyone that he could, especially those in need. But can he keep from losing sight of himself, his family, and his friends, especially his elusive best friend, Lyla, and new partner in life, Komari? A prequel to Step Toward the Future and Legacy, an alternate universe crossover between all games.

7. Adulthood

Nomad, Shin's Story
Chapter 7: Adulthood

Author's Notes: Welp, missed my Saturday update in ALL time zones this time! Here's a Sunday update. My readers and non-smut AO3 readers, this bad boy originally had like three scenes. I edited it a little bit better where remnants are there but the full package is over on Archive.

Darker chapter near the end. I'm…a little surprised how quickly this is getting paced along? Like, we're catching up to where I currently am writing a little faster than I was expecting. It's cool, I'm…writing?

Enjoy!

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Adulthood sucked.

Shin drearily walked up the steps of his apartment, realizing that taking the elevator for three flights of steps was super lazy for him to be doing. Getting to the second flight, he rubbed his eyes, yawning. He had been called in to work someone else's shift at seven this morning. That, however, did not mean he didn't have to work his shift which had been from noon to 8 pm. Thus, oh, he worked something like eleven hours. Wasn't even the first time this week, really.

For the most part, he'd love to tell his boss to screw off but, fact of the matter was, he needed that money. Yes, rent was cheap but, he got his first heating bill and needless to say, he was now wearing about two layers of clothing and a blanket around his apartment because no. No, that was not going to happen again. Water was high too because he liked nice hot, long showers. Then cable? And phone? Like, he really, really underestimated how much it cost to live, it was crazy.

Sleepily coming to the front door of his apartment, Shin flipped through the keys a needless five times before his apartment key finally stood out enough to open his door. Well…one other thing wasn't helping but he'd gladly and gratefully take that challenge.

Okamoto Lyla was standing in the kitchen, humming, and apparently cooking. She was wearing some sweatpants he got her and one of his large Nike hoodies as she sipped a bit of soup. Looking back at him, she smiled, "Welcome home, Shin."

"Thanks, Lai…"

He grimaced, wandering over to the couch to sit down and take off his shoes. She started to take dishes to probably make him a plate but he was exhausted. Thankfully, she made him a small portion and came to sit beside him after pouring him some water. "You were gone when I woke up this morning."

"Yea, sorry. I left a note…"

She nodded as he slowly drank the warm broth. "…Koji-chan came by and took me to the house to practice driving. He thinks I'll be ready to take my test soon."

"That's awesome, Lai" he smiled.

To his massive regret, though he was the one to promise to teach her, his daylight time was getting filled with this stupid job. Koji volunteered to teach her in his stead during the day and Shin would take care of the night time if he had the energy to. She was good, just…a tiny bit slow but that was better than being a speed demon.

She looked at him hopefully as he finished his soup and moved to the pickled vegetable. "You're off tomorrow, right?"

"Hopefully…"

"Hopefully?"

"I do get called in a lot."

"…Okay."

Shin frowned as she stood up with a sigh, going back to the kitchen to clean up dishes. What…?

Since their New Year fiasco, Lyla came and stayed with him on the weekends. It was a bit underhanded, but they had the paperwork forged so she was able to go freely. While it'd been going on for a month, nothing had really happened since New Years either. They slept together but that was it…

He frowned when his cell phone rang, still a foreign feeling. Heck, he left it on the counter all day while he was at work. He retrieved it and pressed the little phone, "Hello?"

"Yo, nii-san, you talk to Lyla?"

Shin raised a brow as she quietly washed the dishes. Nope, but he suspected Yagami Koji knew something about why she was now giving him the silent treatment. Going to his bedroom to change, he drawled, "No, she's not talking to me right now. Did I do something?"

"The hell I know. She was super excited about Valentine's Day though and wanting to spend it with you tomorrow."

…Damn it. "Ugh, well, that answers that. I said I might have to work tomorrow…"

"Well, that's understandable too" Koji said, somewhat of a pragmatist.

Lyla used to bake cookies for the occasion when they were kids, after he made her snacks for the first time and the idea elated her. It stopped for a year when they were about eleven but then she picked up and made chocolates for him instead ever since. Flustering, he rubbed his forehead. Huh…he guessed…Lyla had always kind of been his girl.

"…No, I'll…I'll definitely make sure not to get called in tomorrow."

"Are you going to commit?"

Commit. Shin tugged off his shirt before replacing the phone against his ear, absently unbuttoning his pants. Commit.

On New Years, when he went to dinner with the family, it was Shaun that declared he was 'happy' Lyla was his girlfriend now. Thankfully both of them corrected him on it but…

He was forced to acknowledge a few things about them. One thing was that he wanted to have sex with her more than he was comfortable with. While they hadn't since New Years, it didn't mean he didn't find himself in precarious positions of lustfully making out with her or almost doing it. She'd gone down on him a few times too.

Naturally, it wasn't simply sexual. She'd call him to ask how his day was and ask if he was eating. And vice versa, he worried about her frequently being all out there by herself. That was where he was getting…confused. That's what friends did, they did think of each other's well-being.

However, Koji, the ALL-KNOWING, reasoned that, yes, that's what friends did but they'd…had an intimate relationship in how comfortable they were with one another already. He could tell her things, she could tell him things. They could be natural around each other, they could be themselves to the fullest. There was no…superficial to get comfortable around one another, it was already there. "What complicated it was the sex."

Yes. Yes, that. Taking a relationship that was already deeply emotional and personal and throwing sex into the mix made it very much look like romance. And…

Returning to the living room after finishing his call with Koji, he found Lyla sitting on the couch, eating chips. And…he wasn't sure how to romance Lyla. Yea, they might be screwing around when it suited both of them but he…wanted to treat her like normal? At least somewhat, he didn't want to start…having to be different with her.

Shin sat on the couch and picked his food back up, continuing to eat. But then, maybe…maybe he didn't need to be. "Lai, there's a restaurant I'd like to take you to. I heard it has really good dessert."

Lyla frowned, looking to him. "Well, I'd like that, but-"

Kissing her temple, Shin curled into her side sleepily. Lyla sighed, rolling up the chips and hugging his waist. He…he guessed…

After watching a bit of television, Shin went to lie down, exhausted. Lyla smiled and said she'd be in shortly. Yea, this…

He was very much asleep within minutes even with everything on his mind. There was one extra bit of awkwardness though that he'd encountered in this…whatever this was…

Shin groggily felt the sheets move just a bit. Just enough that he groaned, glancing at the clock. 3 am today, huh? He closed his eyes to go back to sleep, it was just…

Swallowing, he heard those light little gasps beside him. It wasn't anything he was comfortable asking about but once he just kind of pretended to bump into her to clarify what exactly was going on and she didn't stop. No, she…kept going and he checked to see. She…was asleep and…

He grimaced as he got excited as well. No, no, she was unconsciously masturbating. It was fine, she…she had needs. Just go back to sleep.

It…was just…he bit his lip, trembling. The first time it happened, he was just very confused but this was like the eighth time and now…

…Aw, hell, fuck it. Shin rolled over, whispering into her ear, "Lai…?"

Like he figured, she was very asleep but maybe… "Lai?"

She sighed sleepily before shifting around, murmuring, "Shin…?"

"Can…Can I…have you?"

Lyla looked a little puzzled until he braced on top of her. She blinked at him, probably just generally out of it. "…Sure. If you like."

"No, I…I want you to like it too."

"…Huh, guess I was dreaming…" she murmured, "…I want it but make it fast. I'm sleepy."

Smirking at her demand, he complied at ease. They…they weren't using protection so he used his next best precaution. Lyla pouted at him when he finished. "Why didn't you just finish inside?"

"Because you didn't insert a sponge and I'm not wearing a condom. I care too much about you to get you just spontaneously pregnant when I'm about to go to a warzone, Lai…"

Suddenly, she looked…terrified. "…Shin, you just…you just have to come back okay. You got a good fortune, right?"

Fortune? He scoffed, groaning as he got out of bed to retrieve a towel. "Lyla, a fortune is not going to determine if I survive overseas."

"No, but…"

When he returned, she was sitting up on her haunches, looking…serious. "…I love you, Shin. And it may be superstition to you, but you're walking into a dangerous circumstance. It could be hoopla but it's also not the sort of energy you should have around you."

Shin groaned as he stretched back into bed, pulling the covers to his neck. "Lai, I just don't like stuff like that, okay? My bad luck of the draw getting that fortune is not burying me."

"Shin, if you buy an apple that you cut in to and it's rotten on the inside, are you keeping it?"

"…Wha?"

"You still have the fortune, don't you?"

…Well, he just stuffed it in a drawer because he wanted to have a keepsake of their day together! Pouting, flustering at that revelation, he mumbled, "…Yea. You…you got it for me."

He really expected her to keep berating him but surprisingly she smiled, snuggling into his side, "Baka."

"Hey."

Kissing his jaw, she rested her cheek on his chest, "I'll get you a charm to ward it away."

"Whatever makes you feel better" he droned, closing his eyes.

…Meh. "Um, L-Lyla, I…I wanted to ask if…"

"Hmm?"

"…W-Well, this…this has been going on for a while now" he stammered, "S-So, maybe you'll…you'll let me be your…your boyfriend."

Lyla fell silent and he expected she fell asleep. Oh well. Alas, she murmured, "…I would really like that, Shin, just…I don't believe we'll get that option."

…What?

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He often chuckled about it now in his head because he spent…years berating his brothers over the level of their drinking. And no, he never TOUCHED some of the debauchery Koji and Nelly got into drunk. Well…grazed. He grazed the debauchery. But there was definitely a reason he nursed a beer or a mixed drink now: he was out of control drunk.

That particular day worthy of mention, he was off for two days straight. Not great for his bills but much needed because he was worn slam out. He'd say around…noon, he got a call from Aden Bjerk. "Hey, man! I'm in town for a few, come get some drinks with me!"

At…one or two in the afternoon. Day drinking. Lyla had come to visit but HAD to go speak with her father. There were some logistic issues in his head because he would imagine they expected her to head right back to school afterward. She assured she could get one of her nannies to drop her off in town on the premise she had to handle some shopping before she went back and advise that he would take her the rest of the way. Okay…well, he concluded that sure, day drinking!

There were around, oh, a thousand places where this could have gone wrong. Aden, himself, and a couple of their other army colleagues that were around started taking shots of Smirnoff and then were drinking Heineken. He ended up drinking, well, around four bottles of the stuff with three shots of Smirnoff. Luckily, just very, very luckily, after the last incident where his brother very responsibly took his keys, Shin knew not to drive so after seeing Aden back to his hotel, he…managed to get a taxi somehow. God only knows what he said to that poor driver. When Shin got back to his apartment, he collapsed on the couch and popped in porn because, well, apparently being drunk and horny was his strongest compilation.

But just, poor, poor Lyla…he gave her keys so she could come and go as she pleased to his place. He hadn't even gotten started yet but the surprising owner of his affection just walked right in while girl-on-girl…material started on his television. Again, AGAIN, sane Shin would have been like, 'why, how embarrassing!' and turned it off. Nope, not drunk ass Shin. He just stared at her in that dowdy green dress she had to wear in her father's presence and thought about how much it needed to be off of her.

Lyla gave him a look before glancing at the screen, drawling, "…Do you have some thing for it just being women?"

"Koji, Nelly, and I figured—y'know, even if it's faked or a career—that a woman is probably going to be more gentle and give a better general idea of what THEY would want when they're going down on another woman. Men don't give a shit so…this feels a bit more educational?"

"Uh huh. Educational" she snorted.

Drunk Shin watched as she went to his bedroom. She seemed cross. Drunk Shin could fix that! After some moments, she came back out wearing a leisure dress that came to her knees. Perfect. She sat down on the couch beside him, her arms crossed. "…Can't you watch something else?"

"Watch with me…"

"Shin, are you drunk again? It's barely five o'clock."

"Nah, I'm just a little frustrated, is all…"

Lies. Lyla swallowed as he kissed her neck hard. "Shin, you can't give me hickeys…"

"Oh yea. There are better places to kiss" he whispered.

She looked a little perturbed as whatever was happening on the screen intensified, the bottled cries of the participants getting louder. Lyla flustered, pouting, "J-Just turn this off, Shin."

"Why? You getting turned on, Lai?"

"N-No. I-It's just weird to watch other people have sex."

"Oh really? Looks like you're getting turned on to me…"

"I-I'm not" she protested, her face hot.

"Go on, baby. Touch your pussy. Show me you can take care of yourself."

"Shin, you are SO drunk again."

Well, that was the thing about back then: there was very little restraint because, end of the day, they both very much wanted it consensually and Lyla admitted she was always pleased…

But why was this…particular day worth mention though? This particular event? Well, that day, when he was drunk ass Shin, he rather carelessly ejaculated inside of her at least twice. This was without not one lick of protection or even the heinously questionable backup action of him pulling out. Nope, he…was drunk ass Shin, the dumbass.

Funny how just one day of day drinking could set off that sort of chain.

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Yagami Shin hummed as he lifted some boxes and set them on a shelf in the grocery store where he worked, adjusting some nearby containers of rice that had been knocked off kilter. Nodding when they were straightened, knowing deep down it was a waste of time, he went back to the front to see if he needed to do anything before he got off.

A customer was standing in the front with the manager, a middle-aged somewhat worn looking guy. It was slow so it looked like they were just chatting it up until Shin approached. As Shin got closer, he noted the man's brows furrowed sharply. Oh no.

"Takamori-san, I finished stock and cleanup. Did you want me to do any deliveries?" Shin questioned.

"Ah, no, we're all wrapped up with that, Yagami, you can head on out."

Shin bowed, about to take his leave, when the stranger suddenly drawled, "'Yagami'? Yagami Yamada's son?"

Shin nodded. In Wasaba, his dad was…something of a legend. Depending on the age group, that status apparently came from different means but he'd met a lot of people that seemed surprised he was here. Yes, he grasped that his dad did…everything to get out of here but this was just a brief fork in the road. He had no intention of staying here either.

This guy looked…unimpressed. Fine? They had nothing to prove. "You're all a real piece of work. Your dad takes off and thinks he's too good for us, knocking up that rich slut and shacking up in the hills so his kids can come back here and take jobs from people that actually need it."

"Yea, that 'rich slut' is my mom, so, you'll excuse me while I'm still trying to let that part slide." Koji would have already given him a concussion by now.

Takamori-san glared, "Mick, stop that. Just like Yamada, Shin is a very hard worker. Not once has he not pulled his weight around here and I would say Yamada both got his kids out of here and kept them on the straight and arrow. And that aside, I hire anyone that comes in wanting to work. I'm not picking favorites."

'Mick', Shin supposed, snorted, "Should have figured you'd pull the same exact shit, Ose. Kiss that bastard's ass too."

Ose looked nonplussed, counting off on his fingers. "Ole got out. Kari got out. Mina got out. Mariko got out. Bara got out. Chouko got out—Ayame, Sengoku, Kira—people got out. And even the people from that time period that stayed have really turned Wasaba around. What's your point?"

"All I'm saying is your free ride to being a millionaire shouldn't be blowing out some rich slut's cunt and knocking her up."

How much did he actually need this job? Shin stared, doing the calculations in his head. After a bit of balancing in a few seconds, he punched the bastard square in the jaw.

Mick yelped as he was thrown back into the wall. Shin was prepared for at least a couple more swings but Takamori quickly came to hold him back. "Hold on, son!"

Why? Mick looked…flabbergasted for some reason, like he wasn't just calling his mom entirely out of her name and pretty much claiming his dad got a 'free ride'. NONE OF THEM got a free ride, they paid by forfeiting peace! While he gnashed on his teeth, Ose gave Mick a dry look, "You dumbass. This is Reikoku's son or is all your sense of history fucked? If I were you, I'd leave and think over some things because I hear Reikoku's other son is a monster and would have you in the ER right now. Keep thinking they got over to a mansion and got cozy."

What? Mick quickly left without another word and Shin glared down at the broken flesh on his knuckles. Damn. "I…I apologize, Takamori-san. That was very unprofessional of me."

"Yagami, some random asshole rolls up in here and calls my mom a cunt and a slut, they're losing teeth" Ose scoffed, patting his shoulder, "Punch the clock and head on out, you did good today. I'll see you tomorrow."

…Fwoo. "Thank you, Takamori-san."

Despite that, Shin hoped Mick still had some 'problems' and was outside waiting. Nope, not sight or sound of him. Damn it.

…Ugh. Shin patted his pockets and found his keys, going to the car his dad bought him and making the drive to Subami. That…ignorant bastard.

He opened the door to the Yagami home and looked around. It was only about two o'clock so the chances of anyone being home was slim. Stopping and standing in the entry for a moment, he stared around. 'Free ride'. How…how…

Enraging. Stomping into the living room, he was honestly relieved to find his dad there. The man was on one of the stretched out reclining parts, curled under a blanket and fast asleep. Shin wandered over and sat beside him, resting his head back and gazing into space for a little while. Damn.

Yagami Yamada made some muffled sleepy sound, turning over on his side so he was facing Shin. After a few more minutes, his blue eyes opened groggily. When he talked to Jill last night, she informed him their dad had been working a 48 hour shift after having worked a 36 hour one with only a five hour break in between. How…how dare that ignorant bastard…?

Surprisingly, probably because he was out of it, the man smiled some, "Oh, hey, son. What are you doing here?"

"…Just…checking on you, dad."

"Checking on me?" Yamada echoed, yawning, "Mm…I don't even remember falling asleep. I'm fine though. How are you doing?"

Shin patted his knee, slowly shaking his head, "…Not so great. Do…do you remember knowing a guy named Mick in Wasaba?"

His dad sat up completely, his eyes bleary as he nodded, "…Yea, yea, Mick. I remember him. Why?"

"…Well, don't…don't be fooled if you come to Wasaba and he comes off nice to you. He doesn't mean it" he said lowly.

"Oh?"

"He…he said you only got where you are by…by getting mom pregnant with me. It's not true and…and I punched him."

Yamada groaned, "Son. I appreciate you being defensive over me but I literally have nothing to prove to that guy. I barely remember what he looks like."

"…He also addressed mom as a slut and a cunt so that actually…had more to do with the punch, sorry."

"…So only one punch, huh?"

Shin quirked his eyebrows, shaking his head, "Yea, I wasn't particularly proud of that. One of those times I really wish Koji had been there."

Snorting, Yamada rubbed his face, "If Koji were there, I'd have to be hiring a homicide lawyer right now so I thank the universe for that. Ha. 'Mick the Prick', that's right. That's what Shin used to call him."

It was so hard imagining his dad young and having weirdly juvenile nicknames like that for people. Yamada looked a bit confused, "What even made him say anything like that to you though?"

"…Said you left Wasaba to become a 'cushy' doctor that got out of the slums via impregnating mom and never looked back. Meanwhile, here's your kid there taking a job from someone that actually needs it. I…I can't stand that. I just can't."

Yamada shrugged. "Honestly son, I'm more aggravated over what he said about your mom than me. To some degree, he's right: after I found out about you, I was determined to work even harder for a good life for you on top of everything else."

…Shit. "I-I never want you to think I don't respect everything you've done for me, dad. Like-Like, I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate what our lives would've looked like if it weren't for all your sacrifices. I-I am eternally grateful. I-It's just…I look at it like I…I have to strike out and do this for people that…that didn't have a mom willing to crawl through the mud for them or a dad that suffered tremendously to make life better."

Yamada frowned, slowly tapping his fingers together. Maybe…it was stupid. "…I understand, Shin."

Uh huh. "You sure?"

"You're my son, Shin. The same goes for your brothers and your sister, I…I would rather see all of you safe than doing something that may prematurely take you away from me. But that's…life and I have to come to terms with the fact that my baby…has made decisions for himself. While they're not decisions with foreseeable outcomes, again, that is also life. And seeing what you're becoming, I am proud of what I'm watching unfound."

Shin swallowed, dropping his head, "…Thanks, dad."

"Can I make a request, however?"

Oh boy. "…Sure."

"If you're to be deployed in August, can I request that you return to this home for July until you're shipped off?"

Eyes widening, Shin looked at his father who appeared serious enough. Oh. "O-Oh, well, of course, dad. That was my plan anyway."

"You could return now."

With a laugh, Shin stretched his shoulders, "I could. It'd be nice to take long hot showers again…just, y'know, it's gotten a bit…peaceful being on my own right now."

Yamada snickered, grabbing his blanket, "Well, definitely can't fault you there with your five rowdy siblings. And I'm sure seeing Lyla would be trickier given we live right next to her warden."

Yea… Shin jumped when his cell phone buzzed in his pocket. Woah. "Ah, one sec, dad."

Removing it from his pants and finding it was Lyla, he started to let her leave a message. Just…2:30 on a Wednesday was odd. Picking up, he murmured, "Hey, Lai. What's going on?"

"…Shin. U-Um, I…"

He frowned as she fell silent. What? "Lyla?"

"If…or when you're not too busy, can…can you come see me? I-I don't know what to do."

"…Okay. I'll call you in a few."

Very confused about that phone call, he stared at the silver device before glancing back at his dad. The man was naturally falling back to sleep, probably still exhausted. "I'm so sorry for waking you, dad. Just…needed to vent a little and apologize if I was coming off as ignorant as that guy."

"Not at all, son" grunted Yamada, patting his shoulder, "…I want to say I'm sorry if, during this time, I came off like someone you couldn't talk to. I… I know the importance of coming into your own."

Shin smiled, "Well, I can't blame you too much, dad. You already have two wild daredevil sons."

"Don't remind me" he groaned.

With a laugh, he stood, "I'll come have dinner with everyone tomorrow. Lyla seems to need my presence right now."

"Sounds good. Good talking with you, Shin."

"You too, dad."

Heading for the exit, he paused. There was a weird portion of that incident with Mick, beside the decades of resentment. "…Hey, dad."

"Mm?"

"…Ose, my boss, he said something about 'Reikoku'. 'Ruthless'. Sounded like he was regarding it to you though. Why?"

"Got me" Yamada murmured, his eyes closed, "Wasaba was a funny place…"

Huh. Maybe. Shin got back into his car and started the drive toward Lyla's school, listening to Live. I can feel it coming back again, like a rolling thunder chasing the wind…

Pulling off to the side where he usually did, he called Lyla. "Hey, I'm at our usual."

"…Okay."

Man, what was going on? She sounded so out of it. Shin frowned, looking toward the building she usually emerged from, finding her wearing a light jacket in the warming weather. He tilted his head as she got into the passenger's seat silently, murmuring a light 'hey'. Oh no. "Lai, what's the matter?"

"…Can we drive somewhere? I'm-I'm not supposed to be out of the dorm right now because I wasn't feeling well but…"

Eh? "Sure…"

He awkwardly fiddled with the radio, almost feeling like music wasn't quite appropriate right now, but Lyla wasn't making a sound. What…what was going on? Moving his car toward a park about ten minutes away, he smiled quickly, "U-Uh, so—what feels bad? You said you're not feeling well."

"…I don't know what to do."

"About what? I'm here."

My friend and me, looking through her red box of memories. Faded, I'm sure, but love seems to stick in her veins, you know? Yes, there's love if you want it; don't sound like no sonnet, my lord. Yes, there's love if you want it; don't sound like no sonnet, my lord…

Shin pulled his car into the parking lot of the park, turning off the vehicle to turn and give her the entirety of his attention. "What's wrong, Lyla?

He supposed he should have come to appreciate the coincidental moments. Life wasn't a movie but there was always some sort of soundtrack to his life. Lyla stared at him solemnly with her green eyes, the vessels just…lost. What?

Why can't you see that nature has its way of warning me? Eyes open wide, looking at the heavens with a tear in my eye. Yes, there's love if you want it; don't sound like no sonnet, my lord. Yes, there's love if you want it; don't sound like no sonnet, my lord. My lord.

"I'm late. I…I don't know what to do."

Sinking faster than a boat without a hull; My lord. Dreaming about the day when I can see you there; my side…by my side.

…Late. Late… "…Lai, are you saying…?"

"I…I haven't taken a test yet. I could never take it at school" she whispered, scrunching her skirt.

Shit. Shin's head started to…rush, the blood pounding in his head as he tried to come to terms with the fact he might have impregnated his best friend.

Shit! Slamming his head back against the headrest, he slowly shook his head. His mom literally voiced her valid concern this would happen and he swore it was okay—damn it!

Lyla frowned, "What's wrong?"

Here we go again and my head is gone, my lord. I stop to say 'hello' 'cause I think you should know by now…by now. By now. By now. By now. By now. Oh, by now…

"What's wrong?" he echoed, aghast, "You might be pregnant with my child! I-I'm about to leave, Lyla! If—I mean, depending on what you want, I'd-I'd miss the birth of my child and-and—shit!"

This would be what he expected from his brothers. Burying his face in his hands, he took a deep breath. Okay. Okay. He turned to Lyla and reached out to grip her hand. "It's-It's my fault, Lai. I-I was irresponsible. I should have been more careful with you. I know I needed to be more careful with you. I'm so sorry."

"Shin…"

"So, let's…let's get married."

Her eyes widened as he calculated, "If we get married, should-should anything ever happen to me in the line of duty, you'll receive all the benefits of having been my wife. Also, the monthly stipend I'd get, I'd-I'd just give to you. I'd probably need a small percentage but I'd give the majority to you then save a bit. Once I get back, I'll start working to get us a house and stuff. Until then—while I'm on duty, I'll convince my parents to put up for an apartment near where Koji or Nelly go to school so they can watch out for you. It's-it's not the best plan but I want you to be safe and as stress free as possible."

"…Shin."

He frowned, looking up at her. She looked…very dour. What? "…If I'm pregnant, I can't keep the baby."

…Oh.

"…O-Oh yea, ri-right. Right!" he blurted, quickly shaking his head, "T-That's your right and everything, Lai, I-I'm sorry I forgot. I-I just went right into making plans wi-without discussing your interpretation. Th-That's fine."

…Right. They sat in dead silence for at least two minutes as his…body felt cold. What? It…it was perfectly reasonable. They were really young so to…to have a baby right now, irrespective, would be ridiculous. He swallowed hard, looking out the window to where a kid was playing in the park. Yea. Ridiculous.

"Shin."

He didn't turn to look at her, didn't respond. He…was fine. She continued, "…In what you came up with, would you only marry me because of the baby?"

Shit. Quickly looking back, a little alarmed that his plot may have sounded like that, he rapidly shook his head, "N-No, Lyla, I-I'm sorry. Maybe it-it did sound like that, but I'd…I'd marry you because I love you. And I'd-I'd like the idea of you being my wife."

"You've never asked before…"

"Well, n-no. Under normal circumstances, I'd want to see how we played out as a couple or…slight couple first before I asked. Just, with a baby involved, I…I guess the scenario changes. I wouldn't want you to suffer alone like…like my dad did. I'd consider how to make life just ever so slightly easier for you, if I possibly could."

She looked at her lap before looking up, staring out of the windshield, "…It's a nice thought."

…Right. "Don't…don't worry about it, Lai. You…you do what's right for you. Here, I'll…I'll drive you to get a pregnancy test, you can take it in the store, and…and I won't even ask the results."

"…Okay."

Now requiring quiet, he turned the radio off and drove to the pharmacy up the street. Lyla didn't say anything as she got out of the car and went inside. Staring through the window, Shin felt his heart race. It…it didn't matter. It wouldn't matter either way. She…she had made her decision.

After twenty minutes, when she returned with her face flushed and eyes glossy, he trembled. So…so be it.

He guessed…he wouldn't be following in his father's footsteps at all.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"…Koji."

Yagami Koji was steaming some milk in the little coffee shop where he worked part-time when Shin wandered in. He needed something far stronger than coffee but that damn alcohol was what led him to this in the first place. His younger brother looked up, raising a brow, "Yo. What brings you in?"

"…Just needed an ear and voice of reason."

It was quiet, a weekday, and apparently only a handful of people needed a warm beverage on this cold day. Shin seated himself at the counter as Koji poured the milk into a red mug, stirring in espresso and drizzling some sort of sauce on top. "Hold on, be right back."

"Okay."

He rested his elbows on the table, blowing into his hands. Lyla didn't say a word to him the remainder of the trip back to her school. To be honest, he didn't want her to and was genuinely relieved. He'd made…a grave error.

"So what's going on, oldest?"

Shin looked up absently as Koji reappeared, crossing his arms and leaning against the black counter behind him. For a moment, Shin tried to create some advanced narrative so this didn't sound like it had anything to do with him. Problem was, Koji wasn't stupid.

"…I'm only telling you, Koji. Do NOT let this get to anyone else. Swear to me."

"Literally WHY do you always bring ME into this?" Koji actually groaned, "Last time it was the army and it was the cops…"

"Guess I trust you not to tell" Shin groaned as well.

Koji shrugged, "Well, true, I'm not a snitch. All right, whatcha got?"

"So, I went to visit dad today. In the midst of this visit, Lyla calls me, tells me she needs to see me" Shin explained, drumming his fingertips against the cool linoleum surface, "I went to her, she told me…she told me she was late."

"…LATE?"

Shin nodded grimly. Koji gawked, "…Shin, please tell me you weren't hitting Lyla raw, man."

"…It was two, three incidents of me not using protection."

Koji squeezed the bridge of his nose, "…I'm not crazy about protection myself, Shin. I'm an idiot and will jump on the chance of a chick telling me to just pull out but you KNOW better with Lyla."

"Look, I was WASTED when those times happened and I SWEAR I will not drink the same way again in my entire life. It's not the problem anyway, Koji, I…I told her I wanted to marry her."

Holding up his hands, Koji slowly grabbed a stool and sat down. "Dude."

"If she married me, she would get all my military benefits and I could send her the check the army would be giving me. It was…practical purposes but I gave her a run down of the plan. She told me, 'if I'm pregnant, I can't keep it'."

Koji's eyes widened as Shin felt like he was carrying lead in his stomach. Why? It… "I…I took her to get the test because I told her I would. I also told her since it was her choice, I didn't even need to know the results. So she took it in the store, came out in tears, and I-I didn't even ask."

"Didn't—dude! Why?!" Koji demanded, incredulous.

"Because…it's the woman's choice. And I didn't want to make it seem like it affected anything between us. Except…except on the ride back home to my apartment where I sat in the dark up until now, I-I found myself asking those stupid…MASCULINE questions of myself."

"Masculine questions?" Koji echoed.

Shin shrugged awkwardly, "A hundred percent, it is Lyla's body. It is her body, it is her womb, it's her…life. She should have a hundred percent control. I agree that's how it should be and, in the hopefully NEVER situation it happened to our baby sister, I want her to know it's her right to do what she sees fit with her body."

"Right…"

"But…I'd be a damn liar if I didn't think at some point tonight 'but…half of that baby is mine. Half of it. It wouldn't have been possible without us both so…do I really not get a say in this at all?'."

With a frown, Koji glanced up as if in thought. "…Until we get to a point where you can take the baby of an unwilling pregnant woman through transferal or…I dunno, Star Trek transporter, no. Yes, it IS half yours and yes, were this a woman that wanted the child, you also would be expected to take ownership and responsibility even if you don't want it. It's not a very forgiving system but, end of the day, we're not carrying the baby. It's not our call."

"…Yes. I know. I know, I just…" Shin whispered.

"…You…you think she's pregnant?"

"…Yea."

"…Damn. Sorry, Shin."

…Yea…he was too.

Koji came back with him that night, said he could 'monitor him' if he had a drink which was a pretty laughable irony considering the circumstances. Alas, they sat back in amiable silence and nursed a bottle of vodka together. For whatever reason, Koji suggested that maybe he should just come home for a little while to recover. Shin remembered long nights of sitting in silence and…yea, he didn't need that. Then. Now.

He wished he could tell his dad or his mom. Tell them he also had gotten someone pregnant and was willing to take responsibility. They would have been pissed but he knew they'd be great grandparents. Instead, now? He just had to wonder what it was he had with Lyla. He…he now wondered what he was to Lyla.

Shin tugged on his dress coat, wandering down the steps. He'd asked. He'd asked to be her boyfriend, she essentially said 'no'. He asked to be her husband so that she and their child could be taken care of. She said 'no' and she was aborting their baby. He…he very much understood autonomy, consent, that…whole yard. Just right now it was starting to look like he was just really a fling for her and nothing more. They had sex and they went out together. That…that was it. No titles, no commitments.

…Having had a father that worked himself to the bone to get his wife back from a crazy, dangerous situation and, in turn, a mother that worked just as hard to keep her husband as safe as she could, that…that just wasn't good enough for him.

"'Ey, everyone ready? Mom and dad said they're gonna meet us there" Koji called, coming down the steps behind Shin.

His brother rolled his eyes when Jill called to say she was putting on 'lip gloss' and Tony was gelling his hair. "I keep forgetting they're teenagers now. We're going to eat at a damn French restaurant, they're not going to see anyone. Kill me."

"You are a teenager" Shin droned.

"For one more month" Koji grinned lazily.

Shin sighed, "Adulthood isn't all it's cracked up to be. I've enjoyed this break back into not having a single thing to do."

He asked for a few days off from the grocery store, using the incident as an excuse. Ose assured that he could come back when he was ready. He guessed that was a blessing but still…

With a shrug, Koji leaned against the mahogany table in the foyer. "Guess I still have a while of winging it. Granted, I'll be in college and needing to keep myself on track but I don't plan on doing any more work than I'm already doing."

Crossing his arms, Shin frowned, "Are you sure you want to go to Saitama? That's miles from here and Nelly was really hoping you'd reconsider going to Yokohama."

"I'm sure" Koji stretched, "Like I told you, a little healthy separation. And it's like an hour and a half from here. I'll be way closer than you'll be."

That was for sure. Shin rubbed his brow, shaking his head, "…Let's just hope everything works out."

Shaun, the family baby, rushed down the steps, all smiles. "I'm gonna eat the snail tonight."

"Escargot, kid" Koji corrected, adjusting the buttons on his sleeve, "And it is disgusting."

"I just want to say I've eaten a snail. Like Gary. You know Gary?"

Koji stared at Shaun for a moment before drawling. "…You're like our personal testament to why none of us should have children."

Shin couldn't help laugh, perhaps because of the weight of that comment on his soul at this moment or the fact that they had raised Shaun just as much as their parents and he was a pretty weird work of art. Shaun just pouted, "I just wanna try."

"Well, experimenting with food is fine. Don't let that travel in too many wild directions in life though" Koji assured.

Nodding rapidly, Shaun replied, "I'll never drink anything but Mike's Hard Lemonade."

Shin smiled as Koji squeezed the bridge of his nose. Yea, they really did good.

Nelly appeared, wearing a gray dinner jacket and jangling his keys, "Yo, if our perpetually late ass parents get there before we do, I'm fighting ya'll! Let's go!"

Finally, Jill and Tony came down the steps, Jill's hair adorned with butterfly clips and wearing a blue sundress while Tony's hair was spiked up. Nelly blinked drolly before sighing, "This is going to be a wild decade."

"You're just not cool anymore, 'nii-san" Tony stuck out his tongue.

"Woest me, I've tapped out of 'cool' at seventeen!" Nelly flourished, walking toward the door.

"Yea, you're old!"

"If me being old prevents me from looking like a damn cockatoo, I'll take it!"

Shaking his head, Shin directed everyone out as they continued to argue. The kids got in the back seat of his car while Nelly and Koji argued over who was being sentenced to 'backseat' hell today. Yea, as much as he loved his car, it probably wasn't suited for this amount of people…

Nelly hummed as they rode up the dark streets in early April. There was still a faint chill in the air but it felt like Spring during the day. Shin swallowed as he pulled up to the French restaurant, the same one where he met Parsley those years ago.

Shaking his head, Shin pulled in to one of the few empty spots, the restaurant apparently packed for the dinner crowd. They all walked into the establishment, instantly quieting down their general ruckus. No one was going to say the Yagami kids were raucous…in public, anyway.

Shin smiled some as he approached the very same hostess that seemed to question his place in this oh so fancy locale as a not quite a hundred percent Japanese person. He wasn't the praying type but he did pray in his head she was reasonable because Koji's switch could flip on a dime. "Good Evening. We're the Yagami party."

"Ah, yes, this way, please" she nodded, picking up menus and holding her hand out.

…Huh. That was anticlimactic. Shin and his siblings followed her to a round table near the veranda overlooking a pond or lake. When he looked to the left, at the neighboring table about ten feet away, was Okamoto Lyla next to a black haired man with her parents.

He stared for a moment as whomever this mystery fellow was patted her hand and looked at her beseechingly. Oh. Okay.

Shin very purposefully sat so he would not be facing whatever the fuck was going on at that table, his back to all of it as his siblings quietly fashioned themselves around their table to fill the seats so they couldn't see it either. Koji sat beside him, Nelly taking the next seat to his right, and opened his menu. After a moment, the tumultuous younger drawled, never looking up, "…Want me to go flip a table?"

"No."

Shaun frowned, "We can change tables, onii-san."

"…No. We don't run for anyone."

"Fucking right" Nelly muttered, glancing once over his shoulder.

Luckily, as it lessened the time they had to be in this place, his mom and dad walked in, the woman holding her father's arm, the both of them all smiles. Yea…not following his parent's footsteps at all. "Sorry we're late, dears."

Of course, his parents saw immediately, his mother's brows furrowing as his father just frowned. They slowly took a seat, probably wondering why they hadn't asked to be moved literally anywhere else in this venue. No. He…he got it.

"Um, anyway, I wanted to celebrate tonight but maybe Italian is more appropriate" his mama laughed quickly.

Yamada frowned, "Well, they're both appropriate…"

What now? Koji raised a brow, setting his menu down, "What do you mean?"

"I got news that I'm being asked to show at the 2001 Milan and Paris Fashion Week" Dana smiled.

"Oh wow, that's awesome, mama, congrats!" Nelly nodded.

"Yes, congratulations, mama" Shin smiled…some. She deserved it and he wished they had gone to an Italian restaurant so he could feel happier for her.

Ah, the all pragmatic Koji, he nodded as a waitress came to pour them water. "…Don't you have to pay to show at Fashion Week though? It's great they really want to see you there but it's like inviting someone to party and asking them to pay a hundred thousand gold pieces for attending."

Dana nodded, "I have a sponsor for, well, admission. I have to fund all the fashion, of course, but they're paying my way."

"Oh my God, that's so cool, mama" Jill gushed, "Can we go to see?"

"Of course, dear!"

…Man. He wasn't really a fashion person, of course, but that was a big deal. His mom started from scratch, she had very little professional training and Yagada started out of Wasaba, really. To make it to an international level, he…he ought to be able to see that.

Koji sipped his water, blinking at him, "Your first tour is like six months, right? Before you head out for the year stint?"

"Yea?"

"Fashion week is in February so you should be good, right?"

…Oh yea, he was leaving early August so barring nothing happened with him departing on time, he would be back early February. He smiled softly, "I don't want to miss it, mama."

"You'll have a valid excuse if it comes to that, Sweetie Plum" she reassured, patting his hand.

He nodded but it just hit him: he would miss things. He just very narrowly averted missing the twin's graduation and everyone's birthday. Almost everyone, he would miss his parent's birthdays. What…what else would he miss?

…Glancing over his shoulder, he swallowed. What…else?

Everyone else started to get comfortable, Shaun getting to try his snails and agreeing they weren't quite as tasty nor were they as 'cute' as Gary. Koji and Nelly argued a bit over their locations of school some more, Nelly the more apprehensive one about such a distance. He…

He wondered why she was over there, being wooed by some other man right now. Her dad, perhaps. But just…he promised. He promised he'd take care of her. He promised that she would be taken care of. If she didn't want to be taken care of, he understood that too. He just…didn't understand what they were then. They shouldn't be sleeping together. They shouldn't be having to make pregnancy plans because he impregnated her. Why…why didn't she want his baby…?

What…was wrong with him?

"Hey, Dana, why don't you take the SUV?"

Shin looked up, startled, that somewhere in this fog they had walked out of the restaurant, he the only one holding a mostly uneaten to-go box. His father had asked this of their mother, this vehicle transfer. His parents had realized they had an army and purchased the large vehicle. Usually his dad drove it, more comfortable with the behemoth where his mom usually drove cars. She indeed looked a little alarmed. Koji cleared his throat, "I'll drive."

Well, good, they wouldn't have to cram into his car, Shin supposed. Alas, he was once again confused when his dad was left standing there with him. Huh? Yamada shrugged, "Oh, I thought we could ride back together."

"O-Oh, okay."

Weird. Shin got in and realized, not since his dad initially taught him to drive, Yamada hadn't ridden with Shin in the car. Oh man, he hoped he was still driving right, jeez. Yamada got into the passenger seat…and squinted. "…Good lord, this is smaller than I remember. Are you really fitting all your siblings in here?"

"By some miracle, yea" Shin had to smirk.

"Well, I guess eventually they'll all be driving so it won't be pressing to get you a bigger one."

God…the kids were nearing that age. Shaking his head, he started to pull out of the parking lot after assuring the others left first. "Uh, what's…what's going on, dad? I mean, I-I'm always glad to spend time with you, just…"

Yamada made a face before sighing deeply, "…Show me your place in Wasaba."

Oh. Shin stared before drawling, "…I thought you never wanted to go back."

"I don't."

Okay. Going toward the neighborhood where he and his father started to that same apartment building, Shin wasn't sure what to make of this. Why? He…he had a lot on his mind already right now, what was this about? His dad's blue eyes closed some as they entered into undeniably Wasaba. Shin grimaced when, just so happened, there was a fight of about five, six teenage boys right on the corner. Any other time, no one was doing that but of course this once. "U-Uh, I really have not seen any fights since I moved here, dunno what that is about."

"Mm."

Shin internally groaned, parking in his usual spot and walking toward the entrance. He looked back to see where his father was…he was looking at a random plank of concrete on the ground, his hands stuffed in his pockets. There wasn't much of an expression on his face, just…a void. "Dad?"

"…Sorry. Just thinking" he replied, stepping around the section and following him.

…PTSD. Shin swallowed, fumbling with his keys as they got on the elevator. His dad leaned against the available railing, looking up and around with a raised brow. "…Huh, this definitely got fancier."

"Yea, I do remember this was a lot more sketchy as a kid…"

As they stepped out into the hallway, his father registered more surprise. "…Yeesh, I need to bring your mother next time. She'd be blown away."

Shin nodded in agreement, coming to his apartment door and praying it wasn't more disastrous than he recalled. Opening the threshold, he breathed a sigh of relief that it was perfectly neat except for a few miscellaneous articles of clothing. Yamada entered, looking around. He seemed…awed. "Wow…you know, I don't know if I was coming up in this time if I would have left this. This is nice."

"Definitely not the mansion" Shin smiled some, setting his keys on the counter.

"No, but not a hundred percent the nostalgia trip I was expecting. This looks like some Wensington apartments I've gone to do house visits to" Yamada murmured before nodding, "…Progress. Progress is good."

His father sat down on one of the stools Joe left behind near the counter as Shin offered him some water. Nah, his dad wasn't here for nostalgia. The man cared very little for that. "So, what's going on, dad? I mean, I'm glad to have you visit and all but even I wasn't planning on coming back here tonight."

Yamada frowned as he gave him a glass, turning the cup in his hand, "…Sorry. I'm just never going to be very good at this. I love you all so much that I really want to be but I'm…I'm lacking in some areas."

"What?" Shin frowned, shaking his head.

"…Your mom started wealthy, as you know. The very moment I met her, she was from one of the wealthiest families in the country. In some respects, I still expect very little of those people and I especially back then expected so very little from her. I was a poor Wasaba kid and…well, when we first met, she was a little snobby. Or so I thought, I think your mother has always been very pragmatic" Yamada explained, sipping his water.

Okay… "Your mother…she wasn't snobby or uppity at all. She would spend time with me in a grungy garage and go to greasy diners with me to eat. She'd come into Wasaba like it was nothing, I'd never seen anything like it. She is so…incredibly humble and I…I found myself intimidated by that because in my mind, she…she ought not be. She ought to have the very best and only the best. In that time, I could offer her none of it. I can't count how many times I questioned whether I was good enough for her, how many times I told her I wasn't—I felt it hard."

Yamada sipped his water before pinning Shin with a sad expression, "…I just wasn't expecting to see it in my son tonight."

…Shit. Shin grimaced, rubbing his arm before slowly shaking his head, wandering to take a seat on the couch facing away from his dad. "…There has to be some reason she won't consider me, papa. And all I can think is that I'm not good enough for her in her eyes. I—I know in your and mama's case that there were a lot of serious obstacles in the way that kept you apart. Just—with Lyla and I? What could her dad possibly do? Disown her? They're not a mob family, they're not Top 10 Richest in Japan. Why…why won't she consider me? What am I to her? It-It can only be that I'm not good enough to her."

When she thought he was going to be a doctor, she was excited. She told him when he decided against it that it wasn't because he was letting her down but because he could get into anything now, even if it was dangerous. Yes, it ended up being true but what if that wasn't the truth on her end? What if…what if it was because he was respectable then but not respectable now? She…she didn't even want his child…

His father resettled beside him, scowling, "Listen to me, Shin: I don't ever want you questioning if you're 'good enough'. If you look in the mirror and see 'good enough' to yourself then that is all that matters. I don't know what Lyla's circumstances are—I can't judge them and I won't. Your mother's circumstances were far beyond anything I had been prepared for. But I don't want you to ever look like that again. You are not someone else's standards. Don't let her—even your best friend—make you question that."

Shin pursed his lips before smiling wearily, "…I dunno, dad. You're…you're amazing. You've done such great things against such incredible odds—you became a surgeon when you were in the slums. You got us a mansion. You've given us everything. But I have to ask you, of yourself, if you think you're good enough for mom?"

Yamada fell very silent. Yea, Shin figured. Finally, the man exhaled lowly, "…I guess you're right, son."

"Mm."

"…I just try to be though."

Eyes widening, he looked to the man. He nodded as if confirming this to himself, "…I won't accept 'good enough' for your mother. I'm always going to push to be better and better for her. She gives me her all and I will do the very same. Your mama deserves past the status quo…I may not be 'good enough' in my sight but that doesn't mean I won't keep fighting to make sure she has the best from me."

"…Oh" Shin whispered.

Yamada smiled, patting him on the back, "You coming back home for the night?"

"O-Oh, I guess I have to to get you back to Subami" Shin quickly laughed.

Making a face, his dad drawled, "Well, I can hitch a ride with someone but…"

What now? "I-I-I think not, dad" Shin snorted, standing, "I'll not have you hitchhiking out of Wasaba because of me. I can definitely stand to crash one more night at the mansion."

Yamada sighed, following him to the door. Shin wasn't sure but he swore he heard a muttering of 'my kids think I'm a punk'. No, no, he was just out of it, nope. Koji told him that their dad 'seemed interesting' recently and Shin, while aware of more of his dad's earlier nuances than the others, was inclined to agree, especially as the man made another unusually wide circle around that square of pavement. Very interesting.

"T-Thanks for talking to me though, dad. I was feeling a little down" Shin murmured as they headed back toward Subami.

"Of course, son, it's…it's not something I had before I met your mother and with her I realized how important it was."

…Shin really wished he could tell his dad about his baby but that might have steered this fulfilling conversation in directions it very much did not need to go. He'd…he'd accept that on his own.

When he pulled back into the mansion, everyone had pretty much evaporated. Appeared like Koji and Nelly had taken off, Jill was on her computer talking to her friends, Tony was on the phone in his room, and Shaun was playing video games. His mother was sitting on the couch, watching television absently. Shin quickly smiled. Man, he had probably been an absolute wet blanket tonight. Going over to her, he kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry I wasn't good company tonight, mama."

"Oh, Sweetie Plum, I a hundred percent can understand why" she assured, stroking his hair, "…I worry about it. It looks like a modern day version of my life but I just don't understand the terms. I hope she's not in danger."

…Damn. "I…I'd like to know myself. Either way, congratulations again and I can't wait to see your show."

He pouted as she kissed his cheek like he was a baby. His dad dropped beside her, smirking, "Let the boy breathe, Dana."

"Oh, pooh."

With a chuckle, Shin excused himself to the deck, saying he was going to get some fresh air. Leaning against the railing for a minute, he couldn't help gaze at the little space in the foliage. Their 'jungle'. Against his better judgment, he wandered down the steps and went into the space. He was going for 'nostalgia'. Instead, he found Lyla.

She was still wearing the dress from the restaurant, sitting on the ground, hugging her knees. Shin stared down at her as she gazed up toward him. He guessed they always found each other in this 'jungle', huh? "…Lyla."

"Shin."

"…Should you be moving around this much? Y'know, after the procedure. Or have you not had it yet?"

Lyla looked surprised. He hadn't meant to. He hadn't meant for it to come out so embittered, he really wanted it to sound concerned. The hurt came out before his intentions though. He…he didn't understand…

"Shin-"

"Who was that guy tonight? Is that another potential spouse?" he whispered, "Had to be. The way he was looking at you and stuff. As long as it's not me, right? My kind—my kind is only good for a good time, right?"

She got to her feet, looking angry. "I don't know what it is you think of me, Yagami Shin, but I would never use anyone for a 'good time', especially you."

"Oh really? So then, what am I to you, Lyla?" he glared.

"What am I to you?"

"I asked you to marry me!" Shin snapped, "It didn't just occur to me because of the baby—yea, this whole thing with us sleeping together freaked me out in the beginning but it started to feel right, like I had put blinders on because I didn't want to wreck our friendship before. But the baby? The baby scared me the most because I wouldn't be here and that really got me. It wasn't the fact I might be a father or—maybe it's selfish—what it may place you with with your dad, but the fact that I wouldn't be here to see my first child with you! I love you, Lyla, and I'm sorry if seeing some guy holding your hand with heart eyes pisses me off!"

They were so small when he came through these woods to find her. Never…never in a million years would he have expected to have been standing here, fourteen years later, confessing he loved her. He'd loved her his whole life but…but now what? She…

"…I wasn't pregnant, Shin."

…Eh? He stared at her, startled, as she looked back, solemn. What? "…But you-you were crying-"

"…I wanted what you offered" she said so faintly, almost lost on a breeze, "I wanted it so bad. I had wanted a baby there so I had to take that offer because I wanted it."

What? Shin got closer, his heart racing, "L-Lyla, I—I'll offer it now then. Let's get married. I'll take care of you. I want to. I-I want to get you to a place where you can make your own choices and-and I want you to have options. We can get married tonight, if you want."

"His name was Louis. He's studying biology in college. Very clingy. I don't know how to deal with clingy after all these years."

"Lai."

"I love you, Shin. I…I just need time to think on it, okay? I…wish there had been a baby" she choked, "Then I would have had to and it's what I want."

Shin stared at her again, slowly shaking his head, "…I dunno if I would want my child in anything as complicated sounding as that, Lyla. I…I would hope you'd want our baby because it's ours."

"…You turned out perfect."

"What now?"

Her name was called from her side of the yard, sounded like one of her older maids. She shook her head, taking a deep breath, "I-I have to go, Shin. I'm sorry I hurt you. I-I didn't want him touching me either."

"Then I'll break his hand next time."

Pouting, she rushed to him, giving him a kiss on the lips. "Good night."

"…Good night."

Shin watched as she ran back to her side before slowly going back through the vines, pushing them out of the way to get back into the Yagami yard. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and gazed up at the half moon. How…bewildering. And infuriating. She still didn't tell him what he was to her.

He was too young then. Or not so much that but too naïve, too dull headed to understand implications that formed him but never occurred to him. The duplicities of nostalgia were daunting.

But this was their story to shape.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Something…highly unusual happened. Like, extremely: he went over to Lyla's house the following day to possibly speak with her some more about the night before. Instead, he ran into 'Louis'.

He was probably in his early twenties with black hair and big wide-framed glasses. His clothes looked absurdly baggy for his frame and he was shiftily standing on the porch, as if he was trying to garner the strength to knock. Shin was trying to garner the restraint not to knock him out. Well…then. That's when it went into some very strange territory.

Louis jumped when Shin appeared behind him, staring up at him, wide-eyed. Shin stared back drolly, prepared to threaten that he keep his hands off Lyla. He was going to accomplish something today.

"Oh! Are you Lyla's friend, Shin?"

…What? "…Yea?"

The guy gasped, "Finally! You're the soldier, right?"

Eh? "I-I mean, not-not yet but-"

"Perfect! We need to get to a computer!"

While any actually normal person would demand what the hell this perfect stranger was talking about all of a sudden, for the briefest of moments, Shin got caught up in the sheer action thriller movie feel of it all. It sounded like Louis needed to deactivate a bomb somewhere. He did actually lead him to the computer downstairs in his house before it struck him he was a damn idiot. "Look, Louis-"

The guy was sitting in the desk chair, twiddling his fingers as the dial-up squealed and screeched to a connection. "One day, we'll have internet that is just…free. You can access it from everywhere and anything. Even your refrigerator."

"Uh…huh. Anyway-"

"So!" Louis gushed, "The Terran Initiative."

What? Shin's eyes widened as the man pulled up a webpage on Geocities, just a blank white page with walls of text. "Are you familiar with the agricultural methods of the Terrans or 'Earthmates'?"

"…No."

"It is a method that the Terran sect uses to produce crops without robbing the land of its nutrients. They call the material they use 'runes' and it gets deemed 'magic' almost. However, it is a form of botany that utilizes the basic essence of the specimen and secures a strong harvest. Sometimes they are even able to generate large plants! And that is the real reason the Sechs' Syndicate wants the Terrans."

Eh? Shin stared at him, shocked, "…What?"

"The Sech's Syndicate wants this science and research in order to use it for capital. Whereas the Terrans want to preserve the Earth, the Sechs will ravage the planet and not use the principles at hand. That is the true reason for the genocide."

Shin slowly shook his head, grabbing a miscellaneous chair from the corner and sitting. "…No way, we've been told it's because of religious persecution."

Louis turned to face him, pointing his finger into his palm heavily, "Say you want to make sure only you gain access to something that will increase your capital by 300%. You don't want anyone else trying to fight you for it and you don't want to split those margins. The next best thing is to say you're 'persecuting their religion' and 'killing them' when really you're trying to torture centuries of agricultural information out of them."

Biting his lip, Shin…mused. "…Breaking them up into sections?"

"You're still trying to break their spirit. You break them into sections, separate families, you demoralize them. They stand a better chance of breaking if you suggest if they provide the information, they'll see their family" Louis rationalized.

"But…but why not tell then? To just end this and gain their freedom."

Louis grunted, "Are you familiar with American history, Yagami-san? What's the chances they just let those people free?"

…Damn. He…he was right, one of them cracked and told, the Sechs would probably just force them to use their technology on the crops and grow it for them. "This…this is pretty fascinating, really-"

"I have written a full journal of documentation on this with correlating evidence! I've tried sending it to our embassies and to the military but no one pays it any attention! I want to hear what you think" Louis insisted, gazing at him.

Shin swallowed, crossing his arms. Breaking them. That…. "I think it's the sickest thing I ever heard. Not that persecuting them for a religion was any better but now they're being held prisoner for monetary gain? Per your research any way."

"Not a hundred percent anyway" Louis nodded.

What? Louis scrolled down his page and came to a bolded header reading 'Desert Storm'. "One of the main Sechs' operatives, his son was in the Army for I believe England? Anyway, his son was ambushed, supposedly, by Terrans during a fire fight and killed. He is largely credited with founding the Sechs' Order."

"…For revenge."

"And money!" Louis proclaimed frantically, "If he can get enough money, he can start funding for his true goal—the destruction of the Terran homeland."

While Shin was hardly a fan of conspiracy theories, this was a very…interesting suggestion. He had heard that a prime member of the Sechs' Initiative was the bitter father of a fallen soldier. Would the man be so cruel though to use the people's own infrastructure to destroy them? Additionally, how…how do you just kill indiscriminately?

…Would…he have to?

"I'm…just going to be a foot soldier so I can hardly see me being the best point of contact for this" Shin explained slowly.

"Are you always going to be a foot soldier?"

Shin was startled. "I-I mean, I…I guess the intention is to climb the ranks, but it's not a given."

"This has been going on for years" Louis sighed, "While it is easy for us to sit here and say what I'm about to say, while if you can get anyone to listen now it'd be better, it can…wait. The Terrans believe in their goals of maintaining the Earth's integrity, they won't break and they'll be killed for it."

"That's…pretty brutal" Shin whispered.

Louis nodded in agreement. "I'll keep finding correlations and building a case in the meantime. When Okamoto-san talked about you, I just got this feeling you'd be the source to get this into play."

….Oh yea. "Oh yea, Lyla. I saw you last night with her" Shin's eyes narrowed, remembering his actual mission.

"Yes, my mom is worried I'll die an unwed spinster nerd" Louis sighed deeply, closing out of his page and signing off, "You know, being a 'paranoid nerd' and all."

…Oh. "W-Well, still-"

Louis waved a hand, "She played me well, she knew I'd be at least slightly bewitched with a descendant from the Miriel Experiments. Just a perfect ancestor of genetic excellence."

What now? Shin stared at him before drawling, "…You were admiring her…genetics."

"Don't you?" Louis gasped.

"…Probably…not in the exact same way, no."

Pushing his glasses up, Louis pointed up, reminding him of a teacher from an anime, "The Miriel Experiments were ahead of their time, Yagami-san! It was able to completely mutate the human gene in a set group of people to alter the color of their hair and eyes from the standard! Lyla is a just a beautiful example of science!"

Shin wasn't sure what to say to that either. "…She's a little more than that, Louis."

"I know, that's why I came by to advise I'm withdrawing my omiai."

Eh? Gaping, Shin slowly shook his head. What? "J-Just like that?"

"She's a lovely young woman, sure! But I just don't think she seemed very interested in me and while I wouldn't mind getting to know her, I don't want to force her in a direction she doesn't want to go."

How…respectful. "I…I'm a little surprised, Louis, I really thought I was going to have to threaten you to leave her alone."

Louis huffed, stuffing his hands in his baggy pockets, "Just because I'm a 'nerd', Yagami-san, doesn't mean I'm some social blunder."

Man. "You're…you're right. I'm sorry. My family's not used to…reasonable people."

"Ha, well, they are in short supply."

"…Shin?"

Shin slowly looked around, alarmed, as Okamoto Lyla stood there, also looking shocked. "O-Oh! Lai!"

…Last night he swore to her he was going to get this guy to leave her alone. Now here he was sitting in their family room. Louis smiled, "Good Afternoon, Okamoto-san. I had come by to see you but ran into Yagami-san first. We were talking about his future military plans."

"O-Oh."

"Also, I was telling him that I was going to withdraw my omiai. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable last night, I was a little taken with the…wrong things. But I recognize I'm also not in a place for a long-term relationship."

Lyla looked to Shin quickly, a little questioning. Louis, however, laughed, "He didn't threaten me. He was surprised he didn't have to."

Standing, he bowed, "Well, I best get back to school. Good luck in your endeavors, Yagami-san, Okamoto-san."

"A-Ah, you as well" Shin blurted, standing and shaking his hand.

She nodded, smiling softly, "Yes, same."

They both walked him to the door, watching him go back next door and grab his moped. Shin crossed his arms, glancing to Lyla who gazed after Louis, "…I hate to say it, Lai, but…he was probably a nice guy for you to consider."

"Possibly."

He moved away as she shut the door, staring at him solemnly, "…Have you moved back home?"

Shin shrugged some, sighing, "Probably around June when the apartment lease is up. I'll probably go back tonight."

To say he was surprised would be a lie but he was a little confused when Lyla grasped his hand, walking him toward the steps. "Lai, I'm going to stop you right here."

She pouted as he gave her a look, probably a little annoyed. "We just had a pregnancy scare and I am not eager to just go back to our…antics just yet. I'll get you a toy first."

Lyla sulked, continuing to pull him, "I don't want a toy. I want you."

Oh boy. "L-Lyla, look-" he flustered as they made it to his wing.

…Wrapped around her finger. Grunting, he pulled her to a stop, hugging her against him. "Lyla…I don't want to, okay? Let's-Let's just leave it at that."

There were about, oh, several problems with what he just said. All of them were that he was lying, he didn't necessarily have to but there was room in his ledger for it. And that was where there was a problem, Lyla knew when he was just trying to be practical versus when he was actually disinterested, she picked that up long before they became intimate. He swallowed hard as she gazed up at him with doe eyes, her lids heavy. Still. Still, stay…stay strong.

He breathed in as she kissed him, her hands running down his chest as she grabbed the ends of his shirt. They were in the long hallway where usually only he occupied but, given his siblings, this was very much public at this point. No. Shin quickly grabbed her hands, leering and tipping his head away, "Lyla, I mean it."

"Fine. Sorry" she whispered.

Taking a deep breath as she pulled away, he raised a brow as she walked toward his bedroom. "Where are you going?"

"You said I could masturbate in your bedroom when I need to, right?"

All he could do was stare at her as she stared back, seeming serious as a heart attack right now. What in the hell. "…I do recall saying that, yes."

"It's no longer true?"

"…I-I guess I have no…no reason to renege, no."

He exhaled hard when she wandered into his bedroom, closing the door. Little did she know, it was a wrap if she'd asked him to watch. Watch her touch herself and her little…sighs…

No. No, she knew this would break you like a twig. Knew. She was probably just going to go in there and start making sounds to get him going and he'd…

Wrapped around her damn finger. She didn't even have to try that hard. Weakly going to the door, he cleared his throat, "U-Uh, Lai?"

"Yes?"

He slowly entered to find her stretched across his bed, half-naked. Her eyes were half closed. "What's wrong?"

"Um…" he twiddled his fingers, "Well…"

She stuck out her tongue, "You said you didn't want to. No takebacks."

Damn it. "O-Okay, you're-you're right. I'm sorry."

But of course not. Lyla giggled and sat up, waggling her finger at him, "You're silly, Shin."

Was he though? He shyly walked over and she made him stretch out beside her. \"I overheard a conversation at school, Shin. They were talking about sizes."

"Oh?"

"Mm hmm. They were talking about the biggest ones they'd seen but none of them sounded as big as yours. I wanted to gloat but I didn't want them to come looking."

"Don't know how to take that, Lyla, not gonna lie. Did…did you get this…excited before we started having sex?"

"Yes. I've wanted your penis since we were fourteen."

Shin felt his face burn, "For fuck's sake, Lyla."

"It's true! I just didn't really know it was exactly what I wanted. I wasn't even sure then why I felt like that but I wanted you. That's why I would disappear sometimes, it was very uncomfortable."

"Why…why didn't you talk to me about it then? I-I mean, you had some grasp on sex. How you described it was sickening but you were told how to be…versed in pleasing your husband. It's at least in the same vein."

Lyla shook her head, "I was never told I was allowed to want it too."

Shit. That…that made sense. 'We have parts now'. Just damn, fourteen. Well…luckily it was just coming to light now because if how easily she could coerce him now was any sign, fourteen? Oh, his pubescent self would have been on board immediately.

Things got heated and, at one point, without really…thinking, he kind of patted her ass a little hard.

She jumped. It caught him off guard too. "O-Oh, so-sorry, Lyla."

"…It's fine."

"N-No. That reaction, it wasn't. Sorry."

Shaking her head, she mumbled, "It…it was fine. Everything is different when you do it."

…What? Flabbergasted by the amount of questions that statement raised, she actually wiggled her hips. "Do it again."

"What?"

"Do it again."

He wasn't…particularly into that as a kink, it was just kind of a thing to idly do? Just what did she mean? Who…who was spanking her? Scowling, he sat up and slapped his hand against her ass. While he meant to say 'who did that to you before me?', he admittedly got immediately distracted by the jiggle. "Damn."

"Mm, I want it so bad. Put it in, Shin."

She was so damn sexy. What was his problem? Why was he so…intoxicated with her? Was…was this what his dad felt about his mom? This was nuts. He felt like an idiot.

"Mm, Shin…"

After they both finished, curled up in his bed at freakin' 3 pm on a Saturday, Lyla looked at him sleepily. "Let's take a nap and go for a movie, maybe?"

"Sure. Sounds good…" he mumbled, shutting his eyes.

She kissed his temple suddenly, snuggling into his arms, "…I love you, Shin."

"I…I love you too, Lyla."

…Louis wasn't an issue. The guy was just really taken with Lyla's beauty, as he should be, she was gorgeous. Alas, the man wasn't going to harass her and Shin was thankful for that. He was also pretty thankful no violence was necessary and that, actually, Louis had introduced him to some new possibilities. It didn't make not one thing better but…now he might have to look at his enemy differently. Bigotry or capitalism, those…those were very jaded goals irrespective, but, one was based on beliefs and one was based on greed. He couldn't weight them but those motivations created a different type of person.

Motivations…made a lot of things look different.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh, what do you think Koji and Nelly would like?"

"Those two don't need anything, Lyla, but a good punch to the head."

Yagami Shin wandered around the mall with Okamoto Lyla, absently looking at shirts as the pink haired woman fretted over what to get those two spoiled brothers of his for their birthday. They wanted for nothing, none of them did. He wanted for nothing. For his birthday, they went for conveyor belt sushi and to ride roller coasters, it was simple as can be. Oh, but Koji and Nelly? About to have the biggest damn house party possible because, just so happened, them graduating from high school and their birthday coincided. Figures.

Lyla giggled, picking up a black graphic shirt to look over. "They're so difficult. If they want a video game, they buy it. If they want a CD, they buy it. Maybe a manga?"

"Maybe. Or maybe something for their dorm room."

"Oh! That's a good idea, I'll-"

Her phone started to ring, interrupting her musings. She frowned, taking the device from her purse and instantly numbed. Her dad. "One second, Shin."

Nodding, he tipped his head, "I'm going to go look at games."

"Okay."

Wandering around the video game store, figuring he would get the knuckleheads something, Shin's phone also went off. Frowning, he looked at the contact name. Oh, Yaya. Pressing it to his ear, he answered, "Hello?"

"Hello, Shin. How are you?"

"Pretty good, out with Lyla shopping for presents for Koji and Nelly. They're turning eighteen tomorrow."

"My God, eighteen. It's been so long…"

Nodding in agreement, he picked up an N64 box for a random looking game. The hell? Farming? Making a face and setting it back down, Shin went over to the Playstation section. "What's going on, Yaya?"

"I'm actually about to go abroad for some months, dear, so I'll miss your departure. I was hoping you could come by in the next few days so I can see you."

"Oh" he frowned, pausing, when Lyla walked in, "Let me check with Lyla real quick and I may have time tonight, if you're available."

"Sounds perfect. Just call to let me know" Ayame requested.

Parting with her, he smiled when Lyla came up to him with a frown. She always frowned coming off of communication with her father. "Hey, babe, what was that about?"

"…I'm not sure. He wants me home immediately. Sorry, I'll…I'll get something for the twins later."

Shin nodded, stroking her hair back, "Don't fret. Whatever it is this time, or whomever, we'll get through it."

Lyla gave him a smile then, holding his hand as they exited the place. They drove back listening to Binaural, the new Pearl Jam album. It…wasn't his favorite, not after all the epic songs Pearl Jam had done in the past. The songs he and Lyla had grown up on, like Jeremy and Black…he remembered thinking that. He remembered…he remembered about a third of the way to her house, 'Parting Ways' came on. He'd been through so much and he always…he always remembered that.

Behind her eyes there's curtains but they've been closed to hide the flames. Remains… She knows their future's burning but she can smile just the same. Same… And though her mood is fine today. There's a fear they'll soon be parting ways…

Standing like a statue; A chin of stone, a heart of clay. Hey… And though he's too big a man to say.
There's a fear they'll soon be parting ways…

Drifting away…

Shin stopped at the light a turn from entering the neighborhood they grew up in and glanced to Lyla before doing a doubletake. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, he green eyes slightly closed. Eh? "B-Babe, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Is it the song?" he demanded, quickly turning it off.

Rapidly shaking her head, she breathed in as she buried her face in her hands. What? Scowling deeply, he stopped in front of his house and parked, turning to look at her. "What did he say to you?"

"N-Nothing, Shin, really. I was just thinking about how this…this is coming to a close for us. You're…you're about to be away."

He grimaced and hugged her, kissing her temple. "…It'll be tough, Lyla. I…"

….Tomorrow. Tomorrow. She kissed him on the lips, murmuring when she pulled away, "…I got you a charm. I know you hate things like that and don't believe in it but…if you can just carry it, for me? To…to give me the peace of mind?"

Shin didn't want to upset her with his sensibilities so he nodded. She handed him the little parcel and closed his hands around it. Wait, wait. "Lai, why are you acting like this is the last time I'll see you? It's May, I don't leave for three more months. Plus, you're coming to the party tomorrow, right?"

"Oh, yes, just it may be busy, you know? I just don't want to forget."

…Kay. He drove the rest of the way toward her house and drawled, "I…work tomorrow so I'll see you at 8?"

"Mm" she nodded, wiping her eyes.

"Lyla…what's going on? I feel like I'm not getting the whole story, baby."

She suddenly laughed. What? "You know that you and the kids are the only ones to give me a nickname?"

"Does it bother you? I…I guess it is weird to start calling you 'baby' without preamble" he flustered.

Lyla smiled. Like most things she did, it seemed…a little forlorn. "No. I like being your baby, Shin."

Opening the door, she exhaled, "I better go, Shin. I love you and I'll see you tomorrow."

"I love you too, Lai…"

What an uneasy feeling. He watched her walk to the door before pulling out of her equally long yard to go back to his. While he had enjoyed the solitude to a degree, after Lyla and his…rendezvous following his meeting with Louis, he realized he definitely could be saving money not having an apartment. Not to mention he wasn't keen on working that hard before he was about to be shipped off. One day, but, he definitely wanted to have his mind in the right place. He spoke with one of his dad's old friend's daughters and she was interested in staying in the apartment on the ground he paid 2000 pieces toward the rent until his lease was up which was very manageable. He cut back to part time at the grocery store and now he was back home. It definitely had slightly cut into his time with Lyla, he wasn't quite as…comfortable getting with Lyla like that at home but maybe that was for the best.

Ah, now Yaya. This worked out. Calling the woman to advise he could be at her place in the city when she was ready, she advised him 8 would be perfect. Cool. In the meantime, he supposed he'd start dinner for his siblings…

"Tadaima."

Shin looked up from the refrigerator, startled, as his dad wandered in, rubbing his face. "Oh, okaeri, dad. I'm surprised to see you home given…you left this morning."

His dad would be gone for days at a time. It was so rare now to see him leave and come back within the same day. The man indeed smirked at this as he dropped into a chair at the table, rubbing his neck. "Mm, that'll be for tomorrow when your siblings are hosting their extravagant…fest."

Oh yea, Shin snickered. Removing some chicken for yakitori, Shin shook his head. "Well…I guess one more soiree and they'll be off doing God knows what in college."

"I am definitely not comforted by what they can get up to in college, that's for sure" Yamada murmured, closing his eyes

Shin smirked, "Did you not get into any shenanigans in college, dad?"

"Son, I could neither afford nor even comprehend shenanigans by the time I was in college, I was so broke and tired."

Ah, yea… "That's kind of sad, dad. I mean, granted, I'm not either but we had some goofing off in the army after hours at least."

"Pfft" Yamada groaned, reaching over to grab an apple from the fruit basket in the center of the table, "I won't get into any details but I definitely did not miss out on shenanigans."

Oh really? Shin still somehow pictured his dad as having gone to one party in his life and figuring that was it but who knows? "Well, speaking of the old days, I'm going to go visit Yaya tonight at 8. She's going abroad in a few days and won't get to see me leave, apparently."

Yamada nodded. That…was it. Shin made a face as he made the sauce for his chicken. "Dad…when exactly is the last time you've purposefully seen Yaya?"

"I saw her at a doctor's conference late last year" Yamada drawled, picking up the paper as he munched.

"Purposefully."

"…Uh…the eighties."

While it was on the tip of his tongue to demand exactly what the deal with that is, Shin knew he'd be shooting a dead horse and left it at that. He could ask her tonight what she thought it was. His dad was full of shenanigans whether he thought so or not. That woman helped raise him, helped make sure his dad had someone there raising his son while he was getting his degree—yes, his mom was the motivation, Shin got that, but, even though it wasn't close to his mom's fault, Yaya helped execute that. His dad could at least have called to check on her in twenty years.

And, that having been his thought when he headed out toward her segment of town called Konohana, Shin took her some dinner. Only Shaun and Koji had shown up, the latter because he was needing to 'crash' for a bit. That kid was going to burn himself out if he kept it up but, well, Shin couldn't gripe too much. He kept immaculate grades, made sure the kids did, and kept a part-time job all whilst this partying. Credit where credit was due, Yagami Koji should fare fine in college.

Konohana was very traditional. The apartments were really just an old converted ryokan. It seemed a little strange given Ayame was a 'city kid' but he knew she probably wanted to get away from that. Parking in the aligning lot, he wandered into the building and came to her door, ringing the doorbell.

The doors even slid, such a whimsical thing. Yaya was still wearing her doctor's jacket, her hair pulled back into a ponytail. "Hey, Sweetie. Sorry, I wanted to have some food prepared but I ended up crashing on the couch."

"That's fine, I actually brought you some" he smiled, handing her the bento.

"Oh, thank you! God, cooking for me too" she sighed, setting it on the table, "I guess you really are my little adult."

Shin sighed, sitting beside her, "Sometimes. I was staying at Joe's old place but got a little concerned about being too stressed when I deployed so I went home. It was…fun while it lasted but I think I am spoiled."

"No, you're doing the right thing: you shouldn't be stressed out and going into a warzone" Ayame grunted, standing to get some chopsticks, "I commend you for thinking of your mental health."

That mental health thing again. She had mentioned his dad had some stress disorder too… about to ask what exactly happened, Ayame drawled when she sat down, "So you said you were with Lyla when I called?"

"Oh yea, we were hanging out and doing some shopping."

Raising a brow, she nodded slowly, "So…you're dating?"

"Eh? Oh, uh, we're…something. It's complicated" Shin explained.

Ayame gave him a look. "'It's complicated'? Either you're seeing each other or you're not, Shin."

"I-I mean, I've asked her but things are a little different on her end, Yaya: she's from a really rich family and I think she's expected to marry a rich guy. I think she's a little afraid to commit to me with all that going on but I'm going to convince her. I want to give her a promise ring before I leave so she knows I'll take care of her."

He…didn't expect it, but her look slightly darkened. What? "…You're definitely your father's son, Shin."

…What? "What…does that mean?"

She shrugged, nibbling at the pickled carrots. What? No. "I mean, what are you suggesting, Yaya? Why am I my father's son with reassuring the person I love that I'll have their back?"

"It's a nice thought, Shin, it really is" he assured, setting her chopsticks down, "Just not very pragmatic. She could be married while you're off on your deployment and it'd be out of your control."

Swallowing, he gripped his hand. It…wasn't something he'd never thought about. Her dad was clearly looking for a suitor for her, just…

…Wait, his dad? Shin's brows furrowed as Yaya drank her tea. Wait. "…I mean, you said I'm my dad's son with that. I can see the similarities, definitely, but it definitely worked out for him: he got my mom back and they've been married for over a decade now. It worked out."

"Oh, it did" she smiled…some.

…What? "…Yaya, you're my dad's best friend's sister and you…you were a critical point in my dad's life that made sure he got off the ground, you raised me. Why…why hasn't he seen you in so long?"

She shrugged, going to her fridge, "You want a beer?"

"…Sure."

She handed him a can of Kirin lager and sat down with hers, clicking the little tab and drinking the foaming beverage. Why didn't he like what he was feeling here either? Opening his, he drank quietly, looking around the one room apartment. It was small. Quaint enough for a single person, just… "…Yaya, you told me once that you wanted to marry and have kids one day. Any lucky guy?"

"Nah. Still waiting" she droned.

"Oh. Anyone in particular?" he questioned, sipping the amber ale.

Ayame blinked at him languidly. "Is that a roundabout way of asking if I'm waiting on your father?"

"…No?"

What the hell? Shin stared at her as she glanced away. "Oh."

"Why-why would you think that? Roundabout? What are you—what are you suggesting?"

Ayame waved a hand, standing and wandering toward the balcony window. She didn't say anything as she gazed out in the distance. Oh no, Shin did not like what he was feeling here. He was also not liking the picture this puzzle was starting to create. "…Yaya, did you tell my dad you had feelings for him in the eighties?"

"It doesn't matter, Shin."

Doesn't matter? "Yaya! That's—the woman my dad was working toward was my mom. My-my mama. My dad is nuts about her."

With a glower, she shook her head, "…I raised you, Shin. At the end of the day, I raised you."

"For five years, yea-"

"I raised you from infanthood—I watched you every. Single. Day. I cooked, I cleaned, I even took care of your father when he was sick—I was there. My presence did not put Yamada in any danger like hers did. I never once went off and ended up married because of my 'circumstances'. I did not string him along until the-the most dire of circumstances forced my hand to come back to him. I would have never gave back his ring."

…What? "And that's what I'm saying, Shin: don't get caught up in a rich girl with 'circumstances'. You have enough on your plate as is."

What the fuck. "…So let me guess: my dad turned you down?"

Her dark eyes cut toward him. Like Mick, he was very much trying to keep calm but he guessed anger did run deep with or without baggage. "…You're old enough to know, but your dad started seeing some other woman. I forgot her name, Suzie, Suzue or something. I thought it was a step in a healthy direction."

…He…did vaguely recall that, actually. Leaning back, a little perturbed given that meant his dad had messed around on his mom, he could only nod. Ayame took a long sip of the beer before setting the empty can down with a clank on her coffee table. She sat on the couch, stretching her arms across the back.

"I don't know what happened. One night, I was about to put you to bed while he was on a date with Suzue or whatever and, suddenly, your mom pops up in a pissed off rage with your brothers. She did that, y'know? Just…popped up."

She went through hell to get to that point! His mother took fucking beatings from her ex-husband just to see dad! "I didn't even know what to say. I was too young, else I would have told her that Yamada had broken it off, was seeing someone else—he was going to focus on something else like he deserved to do. But I couldn't, so I left like I always did—except, I was living with you and your dad at the time so I just went to a friends for a while. When I got back, I heard them going at it in his room—that's probably where your sister and younger brother came from."

Speechless, he just gaped at her. "Oh, I was so mad. Just snatched right back into the web again! I left again and didn't come back until that afternoon, only to learn that she had left the ring your dad gave her, their wedding ring. He wasn't bothered. I took that to mean he'd finally found clarity: he didn't need to fight so hard for someone."

… "So, after he enrolled you in kindergarten and took me to make sure that they knew I was your guardian there, I thought. I thought: 'I am here. I am a staple in these two's lives. I know Yamada can leave her, he doesn't even care that she left him'. I made my move: I snuck into his bed one night."

…Holy shit. Ayame actually…shrugged, "Your dad was out cold. When he got up for his shift, he found me there and asked what was going on. I told him I wanted to take her place in his heart and his bed. I already had anyway, I was more of a wife to him than she'd ever been. I told him I'd cook for him, I'd support him, I'd bend over for him when he wanted it—I told him I'd have his children and that you were already mine. He went ballistic. He said that Shin only had one mother and while he was grateful for all that I had done, it was never going to be like that between us. Just like that, he chose her. Because of circumstances."

"Oh really?"

Ayame looked to him, her eyes half closed. Stay…calm, Shin. "Were you…aware of all the nuances of what occurred with my mother? Or am I to assume you just hadn't cared?"

"'Circumstances', Shin."

"Circumstances?" he spat, flying to his feet, "D-Do you know what my mother had to do to make sure I wasn't aborted? Do-Do you know she was locked in her room and surrounded by guards with no way out and she cut a hole in the floor to crawl under the house in the rain and mud to get me out? Do-Do you realize she was fucking sixteen when that happened? Do you realize she wanted and did marry my father? Do you understand that, in order to have any place in my life, she had to get a fucking beating to do it?"

"Shin-"

"Do you realize I can put two and two together and conclude that because your bastard brother ratted my parents out that he's the reason my mother got dragged away from my dad and forced to marry that same abusive prick?! Do you realize your brother is the groundwork for why my baby brother was getting fucking raped as a toddler?!"

Ayame gawked as he seethed, "Yes, Ayame, there were 'circumstances' but my mom suffered her ass off to get where they are along with my dad! Don't-don't you dare belittle either of them like that! My family suffered the entire way! I'm sorry you didn't 'get a piece'!"

"Shin!"

Stalking out before he said anything else, he ran to his car and revved it, gunning his way up the street. His eyes were blurry with rage and incensed tears. What-what in the hell…?

…Well…maybe his dad wasn't as full of shenanigans as he imagined.

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End notes:

So a lot of the Wasaba characters are just the…less crazy Harvest Sprites' names from DS/DS Cute.

If you read Dirty, you already know what 'Reikoku' is referring to…and that Yamada isn't playing it off, he really is just like 'Wasaba is weird'.

Lightning Crashes is by Live.

During the pregnancy announcement, Shin was listening to Sonnet by The Verve. Yea, there were other songs other than 'The Freshman'. When I was young I knew everythingggg.

Gary is the snail from Spongebob Squarepants.

HAHHAHA…Geocities. God, I'm old.

Louis marks the FIRST TIME I was able to grab the reigns from my imagination and say 'DO NOT MAKE THIS PERSON A VILLAIN, RYUU'. I'm excited about that! But Louis is referring to the character from Save the Homeland/Magical Melody/Hero of Leaf Valley. He was Lyla's love interest.

I think it hovers between being called Miriel and Mariel in this story but it's some experimentation that led to the unusual hair colors and eyes. It's actually going to become a topic in I think 'Trust' and my story with Gale/The Wizard.

META MOMENT? HM64 came out in 1999. It'd be a little…ambitious but hey, maybe they do have a version of Bokumono in their Bokumono-based world.