Nomad, Shin's Story
Chapter 8: Departure

Author's Notes: FOUR MONTHS LATER.

My bad, ya'll. I wanted to finish it first before releasing it…then the whole unrest with America's racial injustice was making me feel some kind of militant too…I just had to stop releases for a while. But we're back, ya'll, and…well, some updates.

I would…be mistaken to call this a short story. It's…almost 700 collected pages. That is a…large novel. So, I'm going to try to do daily releases until it's released completely. I just have one more side story to complete which I'm actually absolutely certain I can crank out because I'm in my feelings.

I hope everyone is enjoying the FOMT remake! "Enjoy"…

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He'd needed to cool off. He drove around until at least 11 before he was even a semblance of calmer. He just…needed to sleep. He was becoming the next angry one in the family and it wouldn't do him any good, especially with where he was going.

When he walked in, he heard the hum of the television in the living room. Taking a deep breath, he went in to peek. His mom was curled into the nook of the chaise portion of the couch. His dad was actually leaned against her side, fast asleep, his long body stretched across the remainder of the couch. What was really surprising, however, was that Koji was lying on the chaise, his head rested on their mom's thigh, also asleep. How…

…How could Yaya…? His mom looked up sleepily before smiling, "Hey, Shin."

"…Hi, mama."

She frowned, her brows furrowing, "What's wrong, Sweetie Plum?"

"N-Nothing" he smiled quickly, "Long…long night."

She coaxed him over and had him sit on the floor, petting his hair, "What's the matter? Are you nervous?"

Nervous? "Oh, uh, a little, but just…I love you, mama. I…I wish things had been a bit different."

Honestly, as much as it infuriated him, he couldn't blame Yaya: he would start to feel the exact same way. She was LIVING with them, for God's sake. He would definitely feel like he had a vital place there and…she did. She did, really, just…it wasn't the place she thought it was.

His mother looked confused. She probably had no idea. Hell, he hadn't known until she asked him to deliver them one year but she sent Yaya flowers for her birthday, said she 'owed her'. God. Smiling weakly, he stood and kissed her cheek, "Um, you want me to get this cretin up so you and dad can go to bed?"

Dana snickered, stroking Koji's hair. Koji was…such a light sleeper but Shin realized immediately he was out cold, his jaw slack with his slightly heavier breathing. "No, he's sleeping like a baby for once so I'll hang tight with them."

He swallowed, nodding as his phone buzzed in his pocket. "Yea, he's…he's got a day ahead of him tomorrow. I'm going to go lie down. G'night, mama."

"Good night, Sweetie Plum" Dana murmured, "…You know you can tell me if something is bothering you."

Mm, definitely not on this one. "I will, mama."

Going upstairs, he sighed when his phone rang for the tenth time. Finally picking it up, he droned, "Yaya."

"Shin" she mumbled, "…You had a beer. Are you okay? Are you safe?"

"Mm. I'm at home" he assured.

"You shouldn't drink and drive, Shin."

"Or pissed off out of my mind, nope. But I did."

He closed his bedroom door, crossing the long length of the wooden floors to his king sized bed. When his parents got a new television for the living room, he inherited that big screen. Maybe some television was in order. "Shin, I would never mean to hurt you."

"I know."

"Please…just take it as I took a shot and missed. Like, very much missed."

Shin tugged his shirt over his head, replacing the phone against his ear. "There's some American saying: you miss the shots you don't make anyway or something. It's a…fair assessment."

"You know, your dad had a dry sarcasm too."

Snorting, Shin climbed under his covers when he had replaced his pants with pajamas and grabbed his remote. "Well, I am my dad's son, weren't you saying? Just do me a favor and we can put it behind us, Yaya: move on. Find someone else. Because I can tell you this: in the zero percent chance my dad would leave my mom for you, I would never forgive him. My siblings would never forgive him. So sorry, think he's stuck."

"I'm not stupid, Shin" she huffed, "I am not WAITING on your father; he made me resign in the effort. I'm fine on my own."

…Oh. "That seems extreme too, Yaya!"

"Hopefully you don't but you may understand one day, Shin."

"…Are you at least happy, Yaya?"

"What?"

"Like, a relationship isn't necessary—it doesn't make you. Nor do children, I guess? But…but you just don't sound very happy."

Yaya sounded like she was cracking open another beer. Yaya's mother and stepfather had been MIA in her life for years. Her oldest brother apparently reformed himself from being an alcoholic and worked as a fisherman somewhere so they rarely saw one another. She had nieces and nephews, they were in college now. Her half-siblings, one had overdosed on cocaine while the other was currently doing a stint in prison for homicide. If…if she didn't have family, he hoped she had friends. At the very least, don't be lonely.

"…I better go, hon. I'll give you a call before I fly out, okay?"

"Okay. Night, Yaya."

…No. He didn't want to understand that at all.

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When he tried to think back to it, it was cut up. It was erratic. It was in pieces. If he thought about it again tomorrow, exactly what was said, what had been done, the characters, it may have been entirely different. The attitudes may have been different, even. What happened, he had pieced together to what he assumed must have occurred.

Fuck.

I am watching the rise and fall of my salvation. There's so much shit around me; such a lack of compassion. I thought it would be fun and games. Instead, it's all the same. I want something to do…want to feel the sickness in you.

It was packed. Like the yard looked like they were having a concert. Somehow, somehow, liquor was flowing evenly and just when Yagami Shin thought the well was running dry, about five people showed up with five bottles each. Not to mention Nelly would run out and reup…

Lyla came over wearing a jean tube top dress and a pair of gladiator sandals, her hair pulled up into a ponytail. She looked good, other men glancing toward her curiously. Alas, after she finished giving her birthday wishes to the hyped twins, she came and tucked under his arm. Tonight…

Or, so he may have planned. Koji and Nelly came over, high as hell, and started pouring shots. He tried to decline but Lyla picked hers up, slamming it and asking for another. Yea, that…was not how he expected this night to go. And he had responsibly assumed he would stay sober to watch Lyla but, well, he had now a hundred percent learned that that was simply impossible with Koji and Nelly Yagami. He drank…what he watched them actually compose, a simple vodka and orange juice. That was it. Vodka and orange juice. Those mischievous bastards…had mixed the orange juice with Everclear sometime last night to let the combination saturate. Next thing he knew, he was out doing the Percolator on the dance lawn.

Shin squeezed the bridge of his nose, the ground feeling like he was in a moon bounce as he tried to find solid footing. Those damn knuckleheads. Lyla, who had gone inside to the restroom, returned to him and smiled, hugging his neck. "You feisty drunk yet?"

"Oh, is that your plan?" he smirked, hugging her waist, "You want hyper slut Shin?"

Laughing, she kissed him tenderly, "Maybe later."

"Well, before that happens, I want to talk to you."

She frowned and nodded slowly. He took her to a quiet spot where teenagers weren't necking or making out. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the little box he had secured from her favorite jeweler. Lyla looked shocked, "E-Eh? Shin?"

"…Look, I-I never thought we'd get like this, honest. I never thought I'd want to kiss you or…or call you 'baby' and sleep together, live together, but…everything has just felt really right since we have. I…I know it's a risk your dad may marry you off—maybe, since the last two weren't that bad—you may even like them. But I…I want you to have this. Just…just in case because I love you and I…I promised you young I'd always be there and-and I'm about to break that for a while, but…" he paused, shaking his head, "…Just…kind of always remember me."

She pouted, taking the ring and slipping it on, "…I don't know what you mean, Yagami Shin, especially this 'remember me'. But thank you. I…"

The metal was rose gold, a perfect color he thought, curled like a vine into a rose. She stared at it before smiling wistfully, "…You're so perfect."

"What now?" he sulked.

Kissing him sweetly, she curled into his side and fell silent. He…supposed he shouldn't expect fanfare, it wasn't like he asked her to marry him. Just…it was more sad than he was expecting it to feel. She held his hand the whole night, when they went to get more shots, when they danced to her favorite songs, when, inevitably, he took her to his bed. It felt normal.

Until, the following almost afternoon, he woke and found the ring on her pillow.

Shin stared, confused, before looking around. Maybe…she was around somewhere. Groaning, rubbing his temples, he staggered out of bed to his shower. No…not in here.

He dressed, putting the ring into his pocket as he made his way downstairs. No one was down there either…walking to his porch, he smirked some to find Koji, Nelly, and Shaun outside cleaning up bottles. Figured. Walking over to Koji, he drawled, "I take it your attendees didn't want to help?"

"Psh, I had to pay my beloved siblings to help" Koji scoffed, the clatter of glass jangling, "Well, luckily everyone was holding their liquor and no vomit is around."

"With THAT mad concoction you had? That is a miracle" Shin snorted, looking around, "…You haven't seen Lyla?"

Nelly yawned, tying off a bag, "Nah. If she was here, she must have left hours ago. We've been out here for two and a half hours."

…What? Why…why did she leave and leave her ring? Shin slowly started to help clean up, taking his cell phone from his pocket. Calling Lyla, he frowned when it sent him to voice mail immediately. What now? Calling again, he was met with the same response.

Was…was he being…dumped?

The lump in his throat rose as he swept up random chip bags. No, no, maybe…maybe he was overthinking. Maybe she was busy and…and just didn't want to draw attention to a ring. Right. Her…her dad would freak, it was like an engagement ring. Still, to…to not at least keep it when she could wear it though?

"What's wrong, Shin?"

He jumped, startled, when Koji appeared, carrying one of the black plastic bags. Unbeknownst to Shin, he had gotten lost in thought, holding a Captain Morgan bottle in midair. "A-Ah, nothing. Just thinking."

About to continue about his task, Koji took the bag from him, tipping his head, "…Why don't you go on over and check on Lyla? I doubt she's made it back to school yet."

…Right, right, she…she probably was next door. "Okay…I'll be right back."

The things that happened in his life, they…usually made sense to him in the grand scheme of things. Every experience led him down a different path. This one though, he…he thought about for years how he would have taken a different route, no matter how much he wasn't sure how it occurred.

When he got to the front door, he knocked as he usually would. It was rare—even rarer now for him to come here but it wasn't like he never had. When it opened, however, the maid looked a little…alarmed. "O-Oh, Yagami-san."

"Hi. Uh, is…is Lyla home?"

"O-Oh, well, she is but now is probably not a good time. I can take a message for you" she explained quickly.

…What was going on? "Oh, well, yes. Tell her Shin came by, I-I was just checking on her."

"Marianne, who is there?"

Shin looked up, startled. By and large, Okamoto Bajiru was not as tall as Shin's family but tall enough. He had dark brown hair and brown eyes. He looked toward Shin before his eyes closed some. It'd been some years since Shin had encountered the man and, despite Lyla's request to keep Shin as a friend, it…never really became cordial.

"Oh. The neighbors."

…Yea? Marianne blurted, "H-He was just leaving, sir."

"Now, now, Marianne. Perhaps this is for the best. I shouldn't trust some matters to others. If I could have just a moment of your time, Yagami-san."

…Eh? "Um, yes, sir" Shin said slowly, walking in and taking off his shoes.

Bajiru led him to an office, Marianne following, "Get the ojou-san for me, please, Marianne."

"Y-Yes sir."

Bajiru took a seat behind his desk, stippling his hands together, "…I hear you decided not to attend school. You joined the army."

Oh boy. "Yes, sir. I'll be deploying in August to Iraq."

"Shin?"

He jumped a bit when Lyla appeared, her face…flabbergasted. Shin smiled slowly, "S-Sorry, I-I was just checking on you. Um, Marianne said you were busy though so I just asked her to give you a message but your father caught up with me."

Lyla blanched, her hands folding before her. What? About to question if everything was okay, Bajiru cleared his throat. "You know, Yagami-san, for…whatever you'll be doing overseas, it takes a certain level of…maturity, as you may discover. You'll be tasked with making some critical decisions. Adult decisions, if you will."

Shin looked to him, his brows furrowing. "…I would suspect so, sir."

"Well, my daughter, as I would suspect, was incapable of completing a very adult decision I tasked her with long ago. I would command her to do it now but I expect her spirit is too weak for such so I'll take the burden."

The man folded his hands on the table, "It was one thing, your friendship, when you were children. Adolescence is full of flighty nonsense and frivolities. However, when my daughter came of age at sixteen, I advised her to cease communication with…adolescent frivolities."

…What? "I-"

"It'd be one thing, Yagami-san, if your stature was of any sort of noble standing. Not even your parentage grants you any favor for me to even consider you for my daughter. But to forego even a basic education and join some nonsense where you essentially die for free? Even your presence as a companion is intolerable. Lyla comes from a strong line of affluent businessmen and, as executor of this estate, I must foresee that she marries someone with the same validity."

… "You are just a waste of time, at this point, Yagami-san. I'm sure an amusement to Lyla but very little else. You have very little to offer in the way of your career choices and even less with your bloodline. A quarterbreed begot by a half-blooded pauper and a fallen house. I think it's about time you understood your place—and it is most certainly not in my daughter's presence."

…A quarterbreed. Shin trembled, cutting his eyes toward Lyla. She was staring down at her feet, her hands clutched before her. Nothing, huh? He'd…he'd never let anyone say anything like this about her to him, not even his own parents. And…nothing. She said he'd…never have to prove anything to this man.

…Maybe he hadn't understood his place either.

"I suppose there's agreement on both of your behalves then" Shin managed to say, "I suppose the halfbreeds should just stay in our circle then. The amusement is done."

"In a matter of speaking."

Shin sucked his cheek before nodding, glancing to Lyla, "…Disregard then. Sorry to have wasted your time."

Turning on his heel, he went to the front foyer and knelt to put his shoes back on. Marianne scurried to the front, her face white, "S-Shin-san."

"I don't want this. If…you can discard this for me" Shin whispered, yanking the ring from his pocket as he stood, dropping it in her hand.

"Y-Yes."

His mind…was in absolute madness as he walked out the front door for what he told himself was the last time from the Okamoto estate. He walked. He actually walked up her sidewalk, not taking any shortcuts. If he took a shortcut through the jungle where they met each other, he might burn it down.

Naturally, Koji Rin Yagami, the same person that suggested that woman had any sort of feelings for him and in turn made him realize he did love her, was putting the trash bags at the end of the driveway to be picked up. Looking up, he looked alarmed. He had been half right. Half. "Shin—dude, what's wrong?"

Shin stalked past him, his hands stuffed in his pockets. "…I love you too, Shin. And I'll….I'll never hate you and I'll never let you have to prove anything to my father.

He stopped in the middle of the driveway and pursed his lips tight, shaking. "I don't know what it is you think of me, Yagami Shin, but I would never use anyone for a 'good time', especially you."

Why…? "I've never thought anything but how wonderful your family is, Shin. I really envy you. If I think anything about your 'Americanness', it's that you and your papa have the absolute most perfect eyes."

Why…did she lie about everything? Why-why didn't she at least say something?

Nelly had been paying Jill and Shaun when he drew a stammered sob. He buried his face in his hands so he didn't have to look at them. Dummy. You were going to be overseas, seeing potential death and atrocity, and here you were crying because of some…some girl? Some girl that just…just meant the world to you?

"Nii-san? What's the matter? Are you hurt?" Jill asked. He felt her get closer.

"Yea, dude, what happened? You were gone like barely ten minutes" Nelly tacked on.

…Fourteen years of friendship destroyed in under ten minutes. Uncovering his face, he felt the warming stickiness as he pushed past them to go dismantle everything. Pictures from the Nirvana concert, gifts from all the birthdays, that stupid charm—he'd destroy everything.

Rushing up to his room, he breezed through looking for anything that even slightly reminded him of her. The worn out cassettes, the band posters, the shirt from the beach—all of it had to go. How-How…

How could she not at least say something at all?

Shin ended up sitting down on his bed, staring helplessly at everything. She…was a part of everything in his life. Every memory had a segment of her in it. She was a staple in his existence…

And she let her father call him a fucking quarterbreed?

He would have accepted a 'please stop' over nothing. Nothing? There was nothing to react to there? That bastard called him 'a waste of time'. A waste of time?

Breathing in shakily, he rapidly shook his head as Koji poked his head in. No. No, this idiot. This idiot made this seem logical when he could have damn well left it all alone. Maybe he would have lost his best friend regardless but now he'd lost…

His faith.

Shin gritted his teeth, turning his face as Koji meandered over, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "…What happened? What did she say?"

"Nothing. She didn't say a fucking thing."

Koji's brows furrowed as Shin laughed, standing to grab the Red Hot Chili Pepper's poster off his wall. Her favorite band. He never wanted to hear them again. "…Shin, you're not making a whole lot of sense, bro."

"You know people hate us? Because-because dad's mom got pregnant with some American's kid and as a result we were born? Can you understand how stupid that is? Huh?! What do we have to do with that?! What does it matter?!" Shin snapped, throwing open his drawers to look for…anything.

"Bajiru" Koji scowled. "But…that's just him, Shin, you know he's an ass-"

"He called the entirety of my relationship with her an 'adolescent frivolity'. I don't have stature due to what our dad is—what our mom decided she wanted. He called our parents a half-blooded pauper and our mom fallen. He called me a quarterbreed waste of time. Ask what she said for all that, Koji! Ask what she said when her dad was-was belittling me, belittling my family, and belittling my right to even be her friend?"

His younger brother looked startled as Shin turned, his fists bawled. "Nothing. She didn't say one. Fucking. Thing. That's what it is, right? I was just supposed to be 'killing time'. Her 'get laid when she wanted it' stud, huh? That's what our types are good for, after all: A good fuck. That's why she didn't give me a damn answer on what we were, Koji: because I was just killing time for her. She left that ring because I overstepped who I thought I was and her dad took care of the problem for her. That's it. That's—that's all this relationship meant to her when-when it meant everything to me!"

Breathing in hard, he dropped on the bed. He was ready to fight Koji. He knew his younger brother had something to say to defend this. He would try to make it okay when it wasn't—it wasn't. None of what just happened was okay. Koji could try but…

…Why wasn't he good enough?

Koji sat beside him and was silent for minutes, maybe more. Finally, the man sighed, miserable. "…Fuck Lyla too, I guess."

…He guessed…Yaya was right. Don't get caught up in 'circumstances'.

Especially when they were all his.

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He'd die a liar if he said he was stone cold right away or didn't cry. No, the fact of the matter was, after he made Koji take away everything she ever gave him, especially that damn pocket watch and charm, he cried quite frequently.

Yagami Shin gazed off miserably from his bed, not having felt like getting up today. He formally resigned from the supermarket today, he just could not feel like it. He felt somewhat bad about it, thinking that it answered the call that he was just some spoiled kid that came in for kicks and giggles when it suited him. Ose didn't take it that way. "Get your head on straight before you go over there, kid."

Ha. Right. This…was just perfect timing. Imagine the sort of composure and strength he needed to go to another country and possibly see suffering and violence. Imagine he needed to be at his top tier to make sure those people made it out safe and sound and didn't have to be killed anymore. Imagine he was both the line between life and death for someone while being his own. Imagine the sort of fortitude that needed.

He was in absolute and complete shambles.

Sheets of empty canvas; untouched sheets of clay were laid spread out before me, as her body once did… oh, all five horizons revolved around her soul, as the Earth to the sun. Now the air I tasted and breathed… has taken a turn.

He tried to throw this album out. He tried. But it was…it was like the Nevermind album. It was like throwing away a part of his childhood. He literally…would have had to throw away his childhood to separate himself entirely from her memory. She…was a part…

Ooh, and all I taught her was…everything. Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore. And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds of what was everything. All the pictures have…all been washed in black; tattooed everything…

When she held his hand at the Nirvana concert. When she was okay letting him see her in a bathing suit. Everything…was so embedded…

I take a walk outside. I'm surrounded by some kids at play, yea. I can feel their laughter…so why do I sear? Ooh, and twisted thoughts that spin around my head. I'm spinning. Oh, I'm spinning. How quick the sun can drop away...

She was so embedded…

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass of what was everything. All the pictures have…all been washed in black; tattooed everything. All the love gone bad turned my world to black. Tattooed all I see; All that I am; All I'll be…

Where the fuck did he even go from here? Her? Her? His Lyla? HER? She would use him? Her? If SHE would confirmatively use him, what the hell would any other woman do? There was…there was no WAY after this. There was no way he could trust anyone else to be this close to him. How dare she? How dare she take that away from him? How…how dare she remove that faith from him?

How…

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky…

But why? Why…why can't it be…can't it be mine?

"…Good lord."

Shin languidly turned his head, not sure if anything in life could surprise him again. He wasn't anything when he found his dad was now standing there. He looked startled for some reason. Blinking, tired, Shin mumbled, "What?"

"Oh, uh, nothing. Just that was…very profound and hit me in the chest so don't know how that's making you feel right now" Yamada drawled, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Finding himself smiling, Shin murmured, "…You got your sun."

"…Maybe he meant star? There are lots of stars."

"There isn't just one star to the Earth…"

Yamada held up his hands, his blue eyes widening, "Okay, let's not go too deep with this metaphor and, uh, turn this off. I'll never understand you kids going to this miserable music when you're feeling down."

"It speaks to my situation. You wouldn't understand" Shin scoffed.

His dad groaned, probably because he was being a jerk. He really was trying not to be since it wasn't his nature but he…was just in a mood. "Sorry, dad. Really."

The doctor sat on the end of the bed, frowning, "…I just really thought, son. I just really thought that…at some point in history we'd be in a better place for this. I thought people…would come to accept that 'pureblooded' people aren't superior."

Shin grimaced. Unfortunately, Koji told Nelly. Nelly had grown up but he was still like a leaking pot, the news was going to get everywhere eventually. All the gritty details got back to the family and Koji had to literally restrain their mother from going over to the house to confront Bajiru. His brother groaned and said he'd been trailing her every morning for the five days since and she tried at least once or twice a day. "No one is speaking about my husband like that and they sure as hell aren't speaking about my babies that way either!"

Smiling grimly, Shin sat up for the first time at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. His mom was just a different type of 'rich girl'. She'd get by Koji and Nelly eventually and probably rip Bajiru a new one. But Bajiru didn't even matter to Shin in this equation. His…sun burned him.

"…It doesn't matter, papa. Maybe those people will die out one day."

"…Not at this rate" Yamada muttered.

The man hugged his shoulders, breathing out, "…Son, I didn't lose a lover. End of the day, your mother is the most stable fixture in my life, even during that rocky intermission. Is she my sun? In that metaphor, of course. She's my…entire universe."

God. "Dad-"

"I have, however, lost a best friend."

…Oh. Shin's eyes widened as his dad pulled away, looking very numb, "…Your mom, she's my best friend but she's also my wife. A lot of people will tell you that your spouse should be your best friend. Yes, but…end of the day, when Shin died, I…I lost something that I've never really gotten back. Yes, I have friends—close ones, really. Ones that really have helped and been there for me. Just…Shin was there when it was all…forming. He got in trouble with me, I got in trouble with him, we were…inseparable. He was there when I…I wasn't sure I was going to live to see the next day."

Yamada swallowed and leaned back, silent for a second before shaking his head, "…A friend, at the end of the day, shouldn't ever look at the changes you've made in your life and decide to…despise you. Not when they're choices to progress you from a life where we weren't sure we were going to eat some days. Not…not when you realized you were in love with someone. Shin resented me for moving on and…some days I wonder if he thought of me as even a friend. God—God, he made so many decisions that hurt me. So…so damn many."

"Dad…"

"But I miss him. For whatever…stupid reason, I miss him. I wish I had gotten to see him do something different with his life—I wish I had seen him even get to live it. I wish I…I hadn't gotten to see it taken away" Yamada whispered before clearing his throat, "…Lyla was your best friend first before you saw her romantically. You…took a double hit there."

Shin flinched, quickly shaking his head, "N-No, no, dad—I mean, God, I—I'm crying over her hurting me but…God, if something happened to her…"

Shit, let something have happened to her like that—he might have actually killed himself, he'd be so destroyed. That was the thing, his dad wanted to commiserate with them to help his kids but it was a little hard when he and his siblings were whining over someone hurting their feelings versus coldblooded murder. Yamada even groaned, "I-I really don't mean to make it sound like a competition, son. Sorry, I'm not good at trying to give parallel life experiences, I guess…"

"You and mom have been through some tough stuff, dad, it's going to be difficult to come together on equal footing" Shin assured, "…I get what you're trying to say though, I…"

"I want you to mourn as much as you can now, Shin" Yamada said softly, "…Whatever is going on inside you won't matter to your enemies. It won't help the people that need you too. I don't know what caused all this—but I guess I do have one more anecdote."

Jeez. "Okay…"

"Your mom's…fifteenth birthday, I believe. That was when she was just my…friend, I suppose. Or no, I guess we were starting to see each other a little differently. Anyway, I had given her some jewelry as a present and, for several days after, I…I didn't see her. I thought I had offended her. So, I went by her family neighborhood and happened to run into her. She told me that, through some circumstances, her parents were speaking about…half-blooded people. Like me. They talked about the usual charges—lazy, mutated blood, what have you. She wanted to speak up for me but she was understandably frightened. We were a secret, her parents would have had a fit if they knew she was hanging around me. But the whole thing made her feel guilty about it, like she ought to have defended me. If she had, I probably would have never seen her again and she probably wouldn't have even been able to go out in her life ever again, so I assured her I wouldn't want that. I won't excuse Lyla but…"

Nineteen was a little too young to be…overly sensible. In his mind, he could excuse what his dad just told him. "Mom was like fifteen and it was before you were even romantically involved. You hadn't promised you'd do everything in your power to take care of her if it came down to it. I made those promises to her. She…she doesn't have the risks that mom had, she's not getting physically abused or anything like mom was—it's not the same."

Yamada was quiet before nodding. "…I know, son. Though, I will say this, your mother wasn't physically abused by your grandmother until it was discovered she was pregnant with you."

…What? Shin frowned, confused, "…So…she stayed on her own to that point?"

"…She's my universe, Shin" Yamada smiled wistfully, "…She stayed to protect me."

…What? Yamada groaned when his beeper suddenly chimed. Looking at it, he grimaced, "…I'm so sorry, son. It's times like this I regret being a surgeon."

"Don't do that, papa. I'm glad you are. Thank you for talking to me. I promise, I'll be all right."

His dad patted his back, "Like I said, son, take the time…my main mistake is I never took the time."

Shin looked after the man as he left, confused. His mom stayed in her maiden household to protect him? She…she was going to sacrifice herself and marry that bastard 'stepfather' for his dad? What…what even was the risk?

…Well, the fact that he couldn't even stomach the idea of asking his mama and the fact that same woman would probably come to blows if someone spoke ill of his dad now made it moot. He was pissed. He was…

Choking, he trembled and crawled back under his covers, turning Pearl Jam back on. Maybe…one day his heart would be black too, black enough to make at least this not matter. To hell with best friends, with 'suns', with reasons. He needed his heart to be hard and strong for his goals, his missions, his ambitions.

Right now, rather than hardened or black…it was just broken.

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"…Fuck, nii-san."

August 12th, 2000.

His family, all he had, was standing in the same bus terminal where this particular journey started. This time though, he wasn't about to be bused maybe a hundred miles away but thousands. This time, he wasn't training, he was…he was in for the real deal. He was about to be sent off on a plane to be nowhere near his only family. This…this was it.

He thankfully got to see his youngest brother's thirteenth birthday. He even got to visit his brother's dorms. He got to see Jill and Tony try on their high school uniforms. For that, he was so grateful.

He thankfully hadn't seen her since that day.

Unlike last time, everyone was speaking to him normally in the car about random things. Shaun was talking about Pokemon, Tony and Jill were talking about the cars they wanted for their 16th birthdays—Jill wanted a red Camaro and Tony wanted a Mercedes. Their dad made a face and said he would CONSIDER the Camaro but a Mercedes was a thousand percent out of the question to which Tony was dismayed. It was comforting.

Then, when they got out at the port, they all fell dead silent. Koji had said that, said 'fuck, nii-san'. They probably all had their own version of that reaction internally: this was the real deal.

Shin smiled, taking off his cover. "I'll hopefully be able to call you immediately when I get to base. If not, I hope to be able to call you very soon."

Jill was shivering. Aww man. "P-Please be careful, nii-san. P-Please…"

He hugged her tightly, kissing the top of her head. They were growing before his eyes but the youngest still weren't completely changed. Tony bit his lip and gave him a hug next, "We'll….we'll see you in February, right?"

"Of course" Shin assured.

Shaun stared at him before giving him a hug, "…Take care, onii-san."

"You too, Shaun. Stay out of trouble now."

"Okay…"

The twins were disturbingly silent. What? Shin made a face at them, "…Didn't you make me promise you I'll be back, Koji? Stop FINALLY overthinking it now."

"Dumbass" Koji muttered, gripping his hand and pulling him to his shoulder, "…Don't come back a different person either."

Shin snorted, "Now you're really asking too much. Try not to knock anyone up in college."

"Shut up…be safe, Shin."

"Mm."

Nelly scratched his chin before giving him a hug and a soft 'take care of yourself', pulling away to wander over to Koji. The elder twin patted his shoulder encouragingly. They'd take care of each other.

Groaning, Shin slouched his shoulders to find his mama in absolute TEARS. "Mama, really?"

"I-I'm okay. I'm okay" she insisted frantically, wiping her eyes, "I'm-I'm not the first mama to send her son off to war, I'm cool!"

"Oh, mom, you're going to make me cry" Shin grumbled, hugging her tightly, "I love you so much and I swear to you I will be back here in no time. I… I don't know if I'll be back EXACTLY for Fashion Week but-"

"Just come back to me, my Sweetie Plum" Dana rasped, gripping him tightly, "I love you. Please…please be safe. Please."

Kissing her forehead, he took a long deep breath. Here goes. His dad was sucking his cheek, his jaw taut. Aw, hell. "…Sorry, I just briefly got mad at you again."

"I'm sure" Shin found himself smiling.

Yamada grunted and pulled him hard into his embrace, mumbling, "…I love you so much and I swear to God above and the demons below, if you don't come back to me in one piece, I won't even forgive your ghost."

"Gee, thanks, dad" Shin groaned, "…I love you too, dad. I'll see you soon, all right?"

"I'm holding you to that, Shin" he barely said, kissing his forehead.

The man clearly did not want to release him but it was time to board. Koji asked someone to take a picture of them with an updated Kodak camera and gave him the picture. Good, he needed a new one. Smiling, bowing, he went off to join the other soldiers on this journey to a new place on the bus and took a deep breath.

Here goes.

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End Notes:

The song playing at Koji and Nelly's 18th B-Day Party is "Make Me Bad" by Korn.

Shin makes the remark that he got drunk enough he started doing the Percolator on the dance 'lawn'. If you don't know the Percolator, it's by Cajmere. I was 30 years old and found out there is supposed to be a dance to the Percolator…I can't find any legit official dance but these knees ain't about anything I saw so I missed that dang train.

Black is by Pearl Jam, one of my absolute favorite songs. It's old as dirt, yes, but God, it hits where it hits. So apparently there is some argument over if it's "I know you'll be a star" or is it sun…considering the imagery of the song, I think sun is the far more acceptable metaphor, like, what's a star doing searing you, bro?

Okay…so we are about to hit crazy somewhat violent and disturbing imagery territory? And we'll discuss what sort of rules are at play here for geography and army rankings when we get back, just know it's muddled for MY purposes. See you Sunday.