I Need a Little Church
Song lyrics for the title - 'Church' by Aly & AJ
Quinn Fabray was sick of being Quinn Fabray. All she wanted to do was go to the stupid party at Brittany's tonight to get Santana off her back. She wasn't a square or a buzzkill, or any of the many synonyms her best friend threw at her whenever she refused to attend one of the many - illegal - after-parties hosted by kids with parents that don't threaten to send them to Catholic boarding school for as little as kissing a boy. No, she was just a Christian with strict morals and stricter parents. It was Quinn's faith that kept her from letting her quarterback boyfriend Finn touch her below or above the waist, her faith in the Almighty that prevented her from temptation or, as Santana would call it, "getting horny". She would never understand her peer's struggle to remain abstinent, she never felt as much as a flutter when Finn mushed his lips to hers. Maybe Finn just wasn't good at it. Or maybe her friend's were right when they said she was weird.
The rumble of her father's booming baritone stopped her from thinking any more on the subject. Her parents were arguing again.
She heard her mother scrambling to apologise as Russel yelled about something likely inconsequential. Keep it down Russell, she heard her mother beg, Quinnie is sleeping. Blood already pumping in her ears from the sound of Russell's shouting, Quinn gave in. ' Screw it', she thought, grabbing her bag and white tennis shoes, before sneakily climbing out of her bedroom window as the arguing got quieter and quieter. Once safely out the house, she texted Santana:
I'm on my way. See you soon.
The party smelled like cheap beer and sweat, and for a moment as she walked in the thought of listening to her parents' abuse each other didn't sound quite so bad. Then she saw a blonde girl getting very close to Finn, and she thought she'd better stay.
"Q!" Quinn heard and turned to see Santana acting as a crutch for a stumbling blonde easily recognisable by her model height and toned thighs as Brittany. "You made it!" Britt squealed, escaping the protective embrace to hug Quinn. Although sweaty and tipsy, she still managed to smell like her trademark apple shampoo, and Quinn felt a blossoming calm in her chest as Brittany's unbreakable spirit enveloped her. "Hey Britt," Quinn smiled, voice full of fondness, "had a bit to drink, huh?"
"Well duh, Quinn, it is a party!"
"I don't think Q knows what teenagers do at parties BrittBritt, she's basically Mother Theresa," Santana interjected knowingly, smirking at her friend and cheer captain.
"I thought Quinn's mom's name is Judy?" Quinn went to correct the blonde's mistake but instead turned her attention back to the still smirking brunette, attempting to look unimpressed at the jab. But her bitch face never did work on Santana, who simply winked before leaving to follow an escaping Brittany. Smiling despite herself, Quinn turned to look for Finn. She found him sprawled on the same couch as earlier, with the same skinny blonde, listening intently to something that could not possibly have been that interesting.
She stormed over, wearing her classic 'HBIC' face that never failed to terrify the general public. Finn recognised it straight away and sat up immediately, inadvertently making him look even guiltier.
"What's going on?"
"Oh - uh - hi Quinn!" Finn stammered as Quinn looked the other girl up and down, "Just, you know, talking with - uh - with my friend Emily"
"Hi" Emily smirked in reply, running a hand through wavy blonde locks. Quinn felt self-conscious looking at her long legs and tan skin. What would happen to her popularity if the school saw the Quarterback with an upgrade? The thought made her stomach clench, so she barked at the other girl on her typical unimpressed 'head bitch' tone; "Get lost."
"Don't be rude, Quinn," Finn objected.
"Why? Are you into her?" Some emotion slips through the words, insecurity dripping off of every syllable.
"No! I just...it's embarrassing when you're all bitchy like this."
He was embarrassed? It was her reputation on the line! "So you think I'm overreacting?" It was insane to Quinn that Finn didn't think she deserved to be mad.
"Well, you kind of are being a bitch right now for no reason, yeah." Quinn rolled her eyes at that. She thought she had every reason, actually. "In fact, I think you should apologise to Emily," Finn added, and Quinn's temper threatened to blow.
"And I'm meant to do whatever you tell me to? Why, so you can go back to flirting? Screw you Finn"
"I wasn't flirting! Emily was just saying hi and I-"
"Oh, so it's Emily's fault?"
"That's not what I- you know that's not what I meant."
"Sure, Finn"
"Why are you being like this?" Quinn could hear the exasperation in Finn's voice.
"Why are you getting all cosy with anorexic bimbos when I'm not around?" Quinn spat.
"Oh sweetie, I'm not anorexic, you're just fat." Emily finally chimed in, and Quinn's anger officially became pure rage.
"Em don't." Finn put a hand on her shoulder as if to hold her back, ignoring his girlfriend, who was dangerously close to crying.
"OH, so she's Em now? Your little slut has a nickname?" Finn decided that particular insult was too far.
"Quinn!"
"She just called me fat, but I can't call her a slut? And yet you say nothing is going on between you?" Quinn had had enough, she should've known that going to a party in a sensitive state was a bad idea. "Yeah right, Finn. Have fun with each other. I'll see you in Hell, Em ."
"I-" Quinn walked away before he could finish and Finn, in classic fashion, kicked a chair instead of going after her.
Elbowing through the crowd of sweaty underage drinkers, Quinn attempted to make her way to the only upstairs bathroom kept off-limits to party-goers. The one in Brittany's bedroom. She briefly wondered what her friends were doing, but soon stopped when she realised that they were probably in a bedroom with a boy.
God she'd wished Santana had been there when she'd confronted Finn. Though she hated to admit it, the brunette was much better at insults than her, and she knew she could count on her to throw hands if needed. The thought of Santana's manicured nails scraping down Emily's face made her smile, and she felt an influx of warmth knowing she had her best friends.
The door to Britt's bedroom was locked as expected, but the thoughtful girl had given Quinn and Santana keys years ago. As quietly as possible to avoid attention, Quinn sneaked through the sticker-covered door before being jump-scared by a throaty moan. Quinn panicked, her eyes automatically falling to the bed where two, half-naked bodies were intimately entwined.
As much as she'd wanted to believe it was just a lean man with long hair making out with Brittany, the Cheerios skirt gave Santana away instantly. Her ears rang, and Quinn felt stuck staring at her two friends - two female friends - kissing in their bras. It isn't that strange, she told herself. Straight girls experiment all the time! That's what this was.
Deep down Quinn knew she was lying to herself. Santana wasn't exactly subtle with her heart-eyes, and Brittany had made out with everyone at school - even trying with Quinn once. No, Quinn knew what shocked her wasn't the act. It was how it made her feel. The funny feeling in her lower belly that she'd spent her whole life trying to repress through years of church. That's what scared her. That's why she quietly but hurriedly left the room, only stopping to lock the door behind her. That's why, when she saw the selection of wine coolers Puck was handing people, she took one - or two - without hesitation. That's why she let Puck, of all people, take her home.
Quinn's bedroom was just as she'd left it, and she realised just how tipsy she was when the mud coming off of Puck's shoes onto her cream carpet didn't bother her.
"What now?" Puck asked as Quinn clumsily kicked off her tennis shoes and climbed onto her bed. "I don't know, Puck." She really couldn't be bothered to deal with boy drama right now. "Well you know I could make you feel really good right?" He smirked, and Quinn felt the bed shift with his weight. "I really doubt that." She meant it as a jab, but the horny teen must've taken it as a challenge seeing as Quinn then felt rough fingers stroking her bicep, and the heat of his body got closer and closer until he was practically spooning her. Something hard poked her back, and the thought of Puck's…that being anywhere near her made her sit up instantly.
"You ok?" Puck asked, reaching next to the bed and grabbing a couple of wine coolers, placing one on the nightstand and the other in Quinn's lap. "Drink this and you'll forget all about tonight, I promise." All Quinn wanted was to forget, so she gulped down the wine cooler in one sitting.
Puck smirked as he watched her getting more and more inebriated, enjoying how she got closer and closer and more relaxed as she drank. Finally, she turned to him, tears in her eyes. "Am I really fat?" She asked, her voice small and fragile. "I understand that I have curves, b-but I thought boys were meant to like that." Stubble scraped against her skin as Puck kissed her cheek. "You're not fat, baby, I swear."
As basic as it may sound, that was exactly what Quinn needed to hear after that night. Finn had been disinterested in her, some skank called her fat, and she did not even want to think about how seeing her friends entwined made her feel.
As all of this confusing emotion, and several wine coolers, swirled together in her mind, this conventionally attractive, popular boy was giving her attention. He thought she was pretty. So as Puck began his assault of kisses, Quinn let him. Even as her stomach turned with every wet peck, she sat there and let it happen. She needed this validation right now, and she simply couldn't think of a single reason not to do it.
"Kiss me back," Puck demanded and Quinn complied, worried that she'd mess up yet another thing tonight. What would happen to her pride if she couldn't even satisfy Puck? His lips were chapped and his stubble tickled, but the buzz from the wine and the sheer dissociation that comes with the need for validation softened the effect to the point where she could kiss back.
The drunk dizziness was starting to get to Quinn so, as she laid down, the connotations that position would have for Puck hadn't even occurred to her. Connotations that made him even more invasive, hovering on top of her, his body a furnace. Hands began to grope at her body but Quinn's stayed firmly on Puck's shoulders until the safe hand on her lower thigh started to squeeze her waist and climb higher. She panicked.
"I can't do this"
Puck stopped but didn't move his offending hand. "Yes you can" he insisted instead, reaching over to the nightstand. "Have another wine cooler."
The predatory nature of that comment didn't register to a drunk Quinn, but panic rose in her throat at the thought of losing her virginity to Puck. She didn't want this and she knew that, but she also didn't have the strength to say no. Not after tonight.
"I'm the captain of the celibacy club," she said instead, "I made a vow." She could practically feel how bad Puck wanted to roll his eyes. "So did Santana and Brittany, and I did them." All this did was make the panic feel closer.
"What about Finn, he's your best friend" She tried instead, praying inwardly that he'd stop but to no avail. "Come on, we're in high school, you think either one of us is gonna give a damn about Finn in 3 years?"
3 years. Quinn tried to think about 3 years time. Puck was certainly right about one thing - she couldn't see Finn anywhere in her future.
"You should have experiences. You know, you don't get a medal at the finish line for being good, you just get dead." That was true. With Quinn and her weird lack of attraction to boys, when else would she do this? When else would she be drunk and insecure enough to sleep with Puck or Finn, or any guy? So she gave in. What was the worst that can happen?
"Okay, but you can't tell anybody. I can't lose my rep." The thought of the school or - God forbid - her father finding out she was just another teen slut terrified her. "Our secret, baby." Puck assured. For some reason, in this strange emotional state, Quinn trusted Puck. He hadn't really forced her into anything, he'd never betrayed her before…if anything the potential for more hookups would keep him quiet.
She let him kiss her again until the hand getting closer to her breast made it hit home what she's about to let him do to her. "What about protection?" The last thing she needed was whatever STD Puck was carrying. "I got it, trust me. This isn't just another hook up for me."
Was he telling the truth? Surely not just any girl who was too fat to keep her boyfriend happy could tame the school's biggest player? This brought back some of the apprehension so she asked Puck to remind her. "Tell me again."
"You're not fat" he assured her, and the blonde girl from the party finally started to leave her mind. It was working, so Quinn made him repeat it again and again until a pattern began to form. With every "you're not fat" or "Finn doesn't deserve you" or "of course you're normal", Puck got closer and closer to the finish line.
These words were what Quinn concentrated on to get through the touches, the kisses, the feeling of his skin on hers. The words are what she repeated in her head as Puck unzipped the top of her Cheerios uniform. The words are what kept the panic at bay as he pulled it off completely. The words are what got Quinn to stop squirming away from Puck's calloused fingers dragging down her spanks and exposing her white cotton panties. "You're so hot" he started saying as he went to remove those too, but they weren't the right words. Quinn began to seize up again until he got back to her assuring mantra.
Finally, he got her out of her panties, sniffing them in a gesture that made Quinn reach for the wine cooler beside her bed and guzzle it down. "Probably a good idea," Puck smirked as he hurriedly wrestled off his jeans, "This might hurt if you're a Virgin." The thought brings tears to Quinn's eyes, who laid perfectly still as Puck finally exposed himself.
It was ugly. Sure, Quinn had seen a penis before - she had access to the internet - but similarly to when she searched porn in 8th grade…nothing. Not even a flutter in her stomach as she looked at the oversized worm attached to Puck's groin. The size made her shake, but of course, Puck didn't notice, touching himself. Pumping his fist up and down his appendage in a vain attempt at turning Quinn on.
"Just get on with it," Quinn said after what felt like hours of having to look at the stupid tool. Clenching her eyes shut and readying for the pain, Quinn let Puck aim himself at her core. She was not even slightly wet, and even the first seconds of entry was deeply uncomfortable. Wishing she had something stronger than a wine cooler, Quinn clenched her teeth and tried to relax as Puck forced himself further and further inside her body. "You're so tight" he moaned, not caring that it was because she wasn't aroused. Quinn ignored him and instead tried to distract herself from the pain tearing through her most private area.
Every thrust felt like torture, and Quinn found herself almost crying with relief when Puck growled out that he was close. In fact, a few tears did manage to escape when he finally finished, and the disgusting feeling of the warm seed inside her was drowned out by the sheer delight in knowing it was over.