Chapter 17: Siren
Author's Notes: AO3 Readers, the smut is back.
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"…Um, what…exactly…happened in the almost approximately five hours I've been gone?"
Shin smiled widely, his eyes pinned open as he stared at the ceiling of his bedroom at almost 5:30 in the morning. Nothing off in that but what was very extremely off was Okamoto Lyla lying beside him in said bed, fast asleep. "…Mistakes. Mistakes have been made."
Yagami Koji had probably come to check on him before he went to bed but also seemed a little alarmed about this sudden change of events. "Where did she even come from?"
"It's…a very long story."
"From five hours ago?"
Squeezing the bridge of his nose, all Shin could do was shake his head. Koji raised a brow. "…You want me to set my bed back up in here?"
"No…" Shin mumbled, "I…haven't explained anything about anything to her yet except the basic premise of what happened. I'll tell her tomorrow but I'm probably not going to sleep much anyway."
"Well…maybe for safety's sake, you should take one of those tranqs Matsushima sent."
Right. Because if he were to just accidentally doze off with her beside him, he was not able to measure what he was capable of doing to her. He ought to wake her up right now and explain she was now lying in bed with the monster they used to run from in make believe.
Lyla sighed softly, curling deeper into his side, murmuring his name. Staring at her, he awkwardly grabbed the bottle with one hand, spinning off the cap and clumsily taking out a pill. "…Night, Koji."
"Night, Shin."
…Not yet.
"—okay? I don't remember him sleeping like this."
"He's fine, Lyla."
What?
Shin opened his eyes, groggy as hell. He was lying in bed on his back. Oh hell, those pills put him out hard. Rubbing his face, he lifted his head a bit to find Koji and Lyla speaking in the doorway. Glancing at the alarm clock, he grimaced. Yea, 3 pm was a little late there. He sat up and rubbed his face, mumbling, "Good afternoon."
"Oh, hey" Koji greeted.
He smiled quickly when Lyla rushed to him, her eyes full of concern, "Are you okay? You were sleeping like-like…"
He was dead. "A-Ah, yea, I…I sleep a bit differently now, Lyla."
Understatement of the Year. Koji cleared his throat, "I'm going to go get some groceries. Did you guys need anything?"
"Oh, no, I'm good, thanks" Shin replied.
Lyla shook her head and Koji sent him a bit of a look. Meh, he was fine awake. Somewhat. Shin just nodded once and Koji left. Lyla looked at him, tilting her head. He guessed he looked different in sunlight. She…she looked gorgeous, he probably looked insane.
She smiled. Eh? "You look different with long hair."
Oh, right. "Ha, yea, I, uh…haven't gotten around to cutting it yet and, um, well…I didn't…want anyone else to. It helps if…if I do get caught."
Lies. "I understand. I like it" Lyla murmured, pushing a loose lock behind his ear.
Oh. His heart was skipping as she gazed into his eyes. Oh man, this was crazy, he…he felt all…warm and fuzzy or something. She sat up, her eyes…melancholy, "…You won't tell me, will you?"
"What…?"
"What you've been through."
… "Maybe…maybe in time, Lyla, it's…it's a lot" he whispered. "What…what about you? What…what have you been up to?"
She made a face, shrugging, "…Nothing, really. I was going to school up until yesterday."
What? "Yesterday? You're going back, right?"
Shaking her head to the negative, he…got a real bad feeling. "Lyla, please, don't…don't drop out just because you want to be here. I mean, it was a load of BS anyway, but you're pretty much done."
"Oh no, I didn't drop out. I completed it yesterday" she explained, "It's not a degree or even a certification. They just determined I'd be 'apt' at being a wife and gave me some piece of paper saying I was trained."
God, he forgot how irritating things in her life were. Trained to be a wife, what the hell? "Well, I'm…glad you're done with that. I guess that just means your dad is going to be…hunting harder now for a husband."
Lyla looked off for a moment before shrugging. Oh, okay. His eyes closed some, drawling, "…Guess we're both keeping stuff in this time."
With a pout, she turned back to him. "…He doesn't even really talk to me anymore. So I don't know what he's got planned, I can only assume at this point."
Shin's brows furrowed, "What do you mean he doesn't talk to you? You've done everything he asked."
Well…almost everything given she was sitting here right now. Lyla hugged her legs, resting her chin on her knees before murmuring, "…When I heard you were classified as 'dead', I rushed home and screamed at him. I told him…it was all his fault I hadn't been able to see you in years even though I had to shoulder most of the blame. You have every right to be upset with me but…you can't know how it felt to have been sitting here thinking that was our last interaction."
… "No, I…definitely know the feeling."
She stood up, squeezing his hand, "Dana is resting so I'll make you some lunch, okay?"
"O-Oh, you don't have to-"
Lyla kissed him sweetly, shaking her head, "…I haven't gotten to cook for you in forever either. I want to…to make up for all the lost time."
She left while he just melted into his bed. Resting his face in his hands, he groaned softly. God, he wasn't going to make it this way, she was so damn cute. Finally standing up, he yawned and stretched, rubbing his face. Well…she told him a little bit but she hadn't…told him why she didn't say anything.
Wandering to the shower, he miserably shook his head. Unfortunately, as he said…she wasn't the only one not willing to share secrets right now.
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"…Oh my God."
Day…3. Again, counting days but this time it was with Okamoto Lyla. And the days? The days…were everything.
They were lying in his bed, a good a place as any, and she'd invited him to rest his head in her lap. He shyly conceded before he had a complete revelation. Telling her he'd be right back, he rushed to Koji's room where he was studying and requested to have the Nirvana CD back. Koji stared at him drably before handing it over, not saying a word. Shin probably had a stupid expression on his face of joy.
…Koji knew it hadn't been the same without her.
Returning to the room, hooking up his CD player, he resumed his spot in her lap and updated her. She was initially excited…but, if there was one downer in this miracle, it was the song itself. Lyla looked…dismayed. "…He…he really was depressed."
"Yea" Shin murmured.
"I hope his daughter is doing all right. Her father was famous so she'll never escape what happened to him…not that she could or should, just…"
Shin's brows quirked in agreement as she sighed, leaning back on her palms, "…Can't say it's my favorite Nirvana. It's just a little too on the nose with what we already know happened."
Unfortunately, he couldn't say he felt it deep in his soul to the point it ached. Which led to how nighttime was a nightmare.
"I don't understand."
He groaned, having spaced himself across the entirety of his bed to take pills to put him entirely under. While he meant to keep it a secret from Lyla, well, it was kind of hard to do when he didn't, oh, put the pills away and dozed off with the bottle in his hands. Better yet, the pills just tumbled out of the container all over the mattress so she'd nicely put them away only to see he was taking a tranquilizer. That was day 2.
"Lyla-"
"I don't remember you having trouble sleeping before."
He wished she'd…not say that. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he shook his head. "…No, Lyla, I did not have trouble sleeping when we parted ways two years ago. It is a fresh development, one I don't wish to speak on."
She was brushing her hair, staring at him pensively. She probably also wasn't used to him being this short with her either. Just…this once, he had no intention of just bending to her. Not on this.
Turning the light out on his side, he got under the covers to let the drug take effect. Nope, she wasn't done. "You won't let me touch you either."
"Lyla."
"Shin, I just want to understand. I want to understand you."
"And I don't want you to."
Silence. Just a long, dead, silence. If he looked at her though, he'd crack and make something superfluous up because, end of the day, he…he didn't want her to understand him. No. There would be no understanding, he just…didn't want her to know these parts of him.
There was a rustling before he heard steps across the floor. Eh? Finally looking up, he was startled when she had just…straight up left the bedroom. Oh.
After ten minutes, the drugs were starting to kick in and Lyla wasn't back. He was blacking out and panicking. No, come…come back. You wouldn't understand. You can't…
…Could it…really not be the same anymore?
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They were in the desert again, this time…he was entirely by himself.
The sheer…miracle it took that Komari and he lived during that journey was…impossible. The more and more he dwelled on it, he was just aghast. He pulled up a map and just looked at it, where they started and where they were rescued. They crossed that many miles…in enemy territory. Yes, there were cars and yes there were circumstances, but none of that should have possibly meant they made it. To do it ALONE though? No, that was truly and absolutely impossible.
But, in this dream, he did it. He ran into all the same people, lived all the same experiences. He strangled someone, he cut someone's throat, he blew out dozens of brains—he went crazy, he was starving, he was dying of thirst. All of it, just…no Komari.
When he finally reached the climax of his harrowing adventure, however, he found Lyla standing there instead of the Zechs. She was gazing at him solemnly, her hands crossed before her. Shin just stared back. He lived it again. Didn't have much of a choice, his body could not physically wake up right now, he was basically under anesthesia except he was dreaming. There hadn't been dreams before. Now, he HAD to live it.
He could never tell her ANY of that.
"See?"
Shin stiffened, glancing to his side. Okamoto Bajiru was sitting at that desk where he berated Shin for his race and his family. Just sitting there, right out in the desert, with a smirk. "I told you you weren't good enough for her."
…Fuck.
Opening his eyes, the gates opening to let him out of that forced terror, Shin stared at the ceiling of his bedroom in the milky light streaming through the windows. It was raining outside. He…hadn't heard rain in a long time.
He took a long deep breath before looking to his side, expecting a vacant void of space. Bajiru was right. He didn't deserve her.
Lyla was curled up on her side under the covers, the mid-Autumn air brisk in the room. Shin stared at the back of her head and felt his eyes burn. He didn't deserve her at all.
Pulling himself across the space, he softly curled into her back, closing his eyes to not sleep but to give what little he could. Once upon a time, he could fall asleep wrapped around her. He would be thankful to do that again, just...he wasn't so sure it would be granted to him.
He…he didn't want her father to be right.
"You don't want to tell her anything?"
Shin leaned against the wall as Koji hung out the window in his room, smoking a cigarette. Lyla was taking a bath but hadn't said much of anything to him when she woke up. Yea, she came back, didn't mean she wasn't pissed.
"…I just—I just can't, Koji."
"What are you afraid of?"
"…Judgment? I don't know" he scowled, mumbling, "I guess I don't want to look like a fucking monster and failure in her eyes."
Koji rolled his eyes, tapping the ashes, "You are far from both. Have you been looking at the news at all?"
What? "Not as of late…"
"They started the round up yesterday of the Terran."
…What? "W-What? Why didn't you tell me?!"
And why in the fuck had it taken so long?! Most of those people—they had to have been dead! He gritted his teeth, rushing downstairs to the computer. Yes, there were strategies and manpower and training to resolve but it had been two months.
Once connected, he swallowed as he looked at the latest news about the Earthmates. Sure enough, there was an article indicating that their military had entered the desert territory Shin and Komari had crossed 'in an effort to recover kidnapped Terrans'. Shin scanned the page.
…Huh. No wonder Koji didn't tell him, they hadn't said jackshit. Now all he could do was sit here and hope they'd found anyone alive. Gulping, the lump getting lodged in his throat, he shut his eyes tight. If…if that were for nothing…
"…Shin."
He jumped a bit and cursed himself hard when his hand still mindlessly went to his pocket for a weapon that wasn't there. Damn it, he…he was a disaster. He was just simply a disaster. Turning the desk chair to Lyla, he forced a smile, "A-Ah, hey, Lyla."
The pink-haired woman blinked at him as he stood. Just like the dream, she folded her hands before her. She was wearing this…long, almost frumpy, gray gown. It reminded him of her mother. "…I wanted to apologize for the way I acted last night. It was very immature and I shouldn't argue with you."
What? Shin probably had a weird look on his face because why was she even talking to him like this? "What are you talking about?"
"Last night, I left the room on emotion and I shouldn't have. I apologize."
Why was he getting angry? Was he really this broken in the mind to get angry that she was apologizing? About to request she stop because he was insane, he stared at her…and had irritating clarity.
"Stop it."
Lyla looked at him absently as he glared. "Stop it. I don't know what the fuck goes on over there but you're not apologizing to me out of submission here. I was being an asshole and you got upset because I was being an asshole. That is fine and don't bring that 'wifely' nonsense here where you just have to take my bullshit and bottle it up because I'm the husband. My wife doesn't need to submit to me."
Wait, wait, wouldn't, not doesn't. Flustering as she looked very startled, he stammered, "T-That is, my-my wife wouldn't. She wouldn't."
Her eyes softened as he felt his face grow hotter. That whole sentence was a disaster too. Like…like he could…could ever deserve to have her as his wife. She got closer and embraced him, kissing him sweetly. God, if she just…knew, she wouldn't kiss him like that.
"Baka."
"I am…" he droned, holding her waist with one arm.
"You had to kill people, right?"
…Oh. Shin stared down at her as she looked back. It was such a…passive look in her eyes, it actually made him shiver. Did she understand what she just asked him? She…she couldn't possibly…
"Remember when you told us you were joining the military? Your baby brother asked that, he asked if you were going to end up killing people. Your baby sister was concerned you were going to be killed. Since you don't want me to bottle things up, I want you to understand that not one person in your family, young or old, misunderstood what you'd be getting into. You were going to war and it wasn't a war where you're trying to only target one person or monitor a circumstance. You were fighting an active enemy in combat so they wouldn't kill you. Do you think I didn't understand what that meant?"
…Shit. Gaping at her wordlessly as she looked back, unyielding, she shook her head. "I know what you think of me, Yagami Shin: You think I'm a hippy incapable of understanding violence and war. You think I didn't look to see if they'd exhausted all their resources to stop these people before it came to bloodshed and thought I'd be against it regardless. If no other way had been attempted, I would have spoken my mind because that is what you've allowed me to do our whole relationship. There was no other way so I stood behind you…but not…not once did I think you were going to come out of this without blood on your hands."
Oh God. He covered his face, taking a hard breath. It didn't feel good to have her understanding. At all. She just… "I…" he rasped, his voice breaking, "I did…such God awful things, Lai, you don't understand. I did terrible things…"
"Did you torture or did you try to make their deaths quick and easy?"
… "I…I tried to end it quickly, but-"
"If I know anything you didn't do, I know you didn't rape or assault anyone as a tactic or for your entertainment. I know you didn't kill if there was another way" Lyla shook her head, "…You'll never not be perfect in my eyes, Shin. For me that doesn't mean flawless but that, whatever it is you do, you're not doing it senselessly. You've…you've always wanted to do the right thing."
She didn't know what she was talking about. Pulling away, clenching his head, he spat, "And if I told you I strangled someone?"
"Why?"
"Because I had to kill him!"
Lyla shook her head, "Strangling is very intimate. You'd have to form your hands around someone's throat and additionally keep them pinned in order for them not to disengage you. It would be a senseless expenditure of energy."
Woah now. Shin looked at her, slowly digesting that…very blunt analysis. "…I…I didn't have any guns or ammo near me."
She nodded. What the fuck! "And if-if I told you I cut someone's throat, huh? I had a gun on me then, how do you justify that?"
"Why didn't you use the gun?"
Aggravated beyond belief, he snapped, "I-It would have given away our cover. I cut his throat because it was the silent way for him to die. That doesn't make it right!"
He sat down at the chair, taking hard breaths to try to calm himself down. How'd he go from never telling her any of this to telling her almost every little thing? She approached his side, apparently already aware he was nuts and not to approach him from behind despite being the only other person in this room. She couldn't be okay with this. He wasn't okay with this.
"You're angry with yourself. You gave your own reasons and every one of them were practical for that circumstance. Maybe you were ashamed to tell me but you're really more ashamed of yourself. You can't reason with your experience because you were dealing with maliciousness and impracticality. You had to use practical means to kill people that were malicious, evil, and impractical. For a person like you, that disturbs your being. But that's you. Don't project your unforgiveness of yourself back on me."
Shin stared into the distance and slowly shut his eyes. Sighing, miserable, he nodded, "…You're right. I'm sorry, Lyla."
"No" she murmured, hugging his shoulders, "…I've also placed myself in the position that it looks like I would judge you for things, like I…I would judge you for something of that nature that's out of your control. I broke that trust."
…Mm. She kissed his temple, tenderly whispering 'I love you'. His fairy angel, he smiled grimly, grasping her hand and pressing the back of it to his cheek. "I love you too."
"Enough that you'll tell me why you can't sleep?"
He rolled his eyes, groaning. This woman. "…Look, I am on board with all you're saying but it might take me a minute to feel comfortable telling you that. You may judge me on that circumstance. However, I…I should have told you from day one, it's…it's probably not safe for you to sleep with me."
Again, she shrugged. "Lyla…I really, really want you to start respecting your life more, okay? I'm advising it's not safe. I had Koji sleeping in the room with me for months and-and, well…"
"Something happened" she nodded, "Dana advised me not to wake you if you were tossing and turning."
Great. "I know you, Shin, no matter how much battle-weariness you've gained: you'd never intentionally hurt your mother and I know you'd never intentionally hurt me. If it helps you rest and feel calm, do what you have to, just…be careful. I don't want anything to happen to you because of that medication."
…Right. Kissing him again, she smiled. "I'm going to go help Dana with brunch and then we can watch a movie?"
"Sure."
Rubbing his head, a tumultuous headache brewing inside of his skull, he glanced back at the news page still up on the internet. Two months later.
…Lyla was right. She was incredibly right…
He…he couldn't forgive himself.
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Oh no.
Shin probably needed to put up a mural on his ceiling as much as he was currently looking at it at all times of the day. Tonight? Well, he realized he'd…slept dreamlessly with Komari for a few days and, even a few days after she left, he was okay. Thus, he…tried it and found that he wasn't having them frequently. That was the problem though, he wasn't sure when they were going to come. His plan now was to train himself to sleep lightly so if he did go into the dream, he could wake up and take something.
Of course, there was one…minor flaw to his plan.
Being that the pill put him into a near fugue-like state and coma, everything going on around him was null and void. There was a…strong chance he had missed it in the week she'd been here.
He swallowed hard as she whimpered, the sheets jostling a bit with her movement. He covered his face. Oh, hell.
She was moaning softly now. His mind had been going into so many different territories he forgot he could get…excited.
Exhaling, he rapidly shook his head. No, no, no. Just…meditate. She'd be done soon.
Oh fuck, that shake, he trembled, when her legs briefly tremored, a satisfied breath escaping her as she apparently returned to her usual slumber. He turned on his side and…popped a pill to go to sleep. It seemed…highly inappropriate to think about sex right now. Really, he hadn't thought about it much AT ALL but…
…He guessed he definitely had gotten her back in his life completely, huh?
"Um, the hell? Fuck her."
Shin leered as they sat in Koji's room, the door closed. He had never been invited to any of their 'hotboxes' and he hadn't wanted to this time either. Alas, Lyla and Jill were having girly chat time or something so he figured he'd catch up with the miscreant twins. There was a brief break at their universities so Nelly was home for once on a Thursday, both smoking pot and filling this gigantic room with weed smoke.
Closing his eyes, dozing off because weed made him sleepy, he mumbled, "I just…I can't just fuck her, Nelly."
"Look at this lightweight, falling asleep" teased Nelly, exhaling more smoke.
Koji snickered, lying on his side, "Seriously, you've been smoking weed for two months now."
With a snort, he took a mild puff, "And I will be ending that very soon because this is still illegal."
"Oh, look: there goes Mr. Officer-san again" Koji said dryly.
Hmm. His PTSD was probably way too strong for him to be an effective cop. He didn't want to be either lax and negligent or a trigger finger. "I dunno what I'mma do after all this is over…"
The broodier of the duo scoffed, leaning back, "Dummy. You know you're going back into the military."
"I beg the fuck your pardon?" Nelly said, his eyes wide.
Shin pursed his lips, gazing off as Nelly sat up straight. "Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck? I know we're not spiritual, fucker, but something in this universe let you live. And it sure as fuck didn't let you live to go test fate again!"
"Nerimaru, I don't know what let me live. It certainly was a miracle. Anyway, they probably won't let me back, my brain is fried."
"Meaning you would go back if they offered it" Nelly snarled.
"Gotta give him credit, Nell: it takes a badass to get through a fucking desert full of enemies in real life" Koji yawned.
Rubbing his eyes, Nelly drawled, "…Is he talented? Clearly. But I think after this bullshit, you need something nice and, I dunno, quiet?"
Twiddling his fingers, the dwindling blunt wedged in his palms, Shin mused. Could he…do quiet now? He appreciated the peace right now but…could he always?
"Dad would shut this down" Nelly droned.
"What in the world are you miscreants doing? What would I shut down?"
Like the magical genie he was, Yagami Yamada had appeared, poking his head in, his face scrunched. Once upon a time, Shin was sure he would have fainted if his dad saw him smoking marijuana…and he wasn't sure if he wouldn't now, he was just high as hell. Koji grinned lazily, continuing to enjoy his, "Hey, pop. Wanna roll one up with us?"
Nelly smirked at his twin as his father just blinked languidly, "…I don't even know what that means."
"Uh huh."
Because Nelly was the blabbermouth, of course, he grunted, "Dad, what would you think if Shin said he was willing to go back into the military?"
Whatever. Shin could just say everyone in this room was high. However, shocking him almost to sobriety, his father's brows simply quirked. "Wouldn't say I'm surprised."
"Weed got to you that quick, huh?"
Yamada snorted. "…As much as I wish otherwise, I have pretty stubborn children. There's no point to get upset about it."
Shin found himself smirking, "You're allowed to voice your reservations, dad, even if we are all stubborn. This could have gone entirely different."
"It could have" he agreed, "…It could have."
They were silent when, just as out of the blue, Lyla and his mother appeared. Oops, he was still ready to faint over those two. Dana glared daggers at specifically Koji who simply smiled because, again, crazy. "…Dinner is prepared if you lot haven't gotten your fill of drugs."
Shin smiled awkwardly, waving his hand in front of his face as he looked off because Lyla was giving him this hard look. Yea, he was definitely not puffing weed last they saw each other two years ago.
His dad chuckled, kissing his wife's temple, "The food smells delicious, dear, and I am starving. The cafeteria at the hospital over the last few days has not been filling."
"I ought to fight Matsushima for continuing to make you work this hard" she sulked, "Just because that keeps the cover too. He can still force you to take time."
Yamada shrugged, "Well, when Shin 'mysteriously' comes back to life, I'll have time built up."
Right…Koji stood, setting the blunt in the ashtray and wandered to the door, smirking at their mom who leered at him. "…You do not need to be smoking weed."
"Maybe, but you sure could stand to sit in the room for a few minutes."
Shin bit his lip as Koji, something of a trademark talent of his, ran perfectly at the right moment before his mom chucked a random dish towel she had at him. Koji must have escaped as usual since the woman sulked back at their dad who just smiled grimly. "Every single bit your damn son."
What? Yamada just sighed. Nelly snickered, standing, "Doesn't seem like it to me…but I guess if…dad is cool with it, Shin."
"Nothing's written in stone, Nerimaru."
Lyla was still standing there like she had something she had on her chest. Shin nodded at the remaining family, "We'll be down in a sec."
Her arms crossed, Lyla glanced over her shoulder as she waited for the others to descend the stairs. "…So you've also started smoking."
"Ugh…not really" he muttered, setting the crumpled brown nub down in the ashtray, "I mean, I…definitely will say this seems better than my cigarette habit half a year ago. I'll get past all of it, I just can't deny it's very calming."
She sighed and he stood, getting closer. "Disappointed yet?"
"Of course not" she grumbled, "…Weed just smells bad."
Sniffing, he raised a brow. Actually, now that she mentioned it… "I mean, I…might just be used to it but I don't think this smells anywhere near as mutant as I'd smelled before."
"Oh no, this is very fragrant, strangely" Lyla admitted, "…I guess if you continue to need it, just make sure it smells good."
Smirking, he hugged her and kissed the top of her head, "I won't need this…hopefully."
"Are…are you rejoining the military after this?"
Oh. "…Not sure yet. I might be discharged due to this, I can't see them marking me anywhere close to stable."
"But if they did, you…you would take the opportunity" she whispered.
"…Maybe. It's not…not a definitive 'no', as insane as it sounds. It…it wasn't the military that shot me down out of the sky and led to this experience. If the Zechs are allowed to continue this way, they might start shooting down commercial liners too. It…was a necessary chaos. I'm…I'm still ready to help if they need it though. Really, there's…there's not a lot they have left to take from me except my life. And…after that? After living through all of that? That's not going to be easy on their behalf."
Which sounded…hella cocky. Those Zechs soldiers only shot him in the legs because they were trying to capture him in that moment, not kill him. It could have hit the femoral artery though, then he wouldn't have had a chance in hell. However, he…he lived. As painful as that was considering how many died, as much as he felt like he came back a hollow of a person, at points deceased in his sight, the fact remained…he lived. They…they didn't kill him. They might have destroyed him a bit but he lived to rise again and…he wasn't ready to count himself out.
Lyla gazed at him solemnly. Clearing his throat, he shrugged some, "…I entirely understand that being a dealbreaker, Lai."
"…I'm never leaving you again, Yagami Shin, no matter what that means. Even if I have to go with you."
That was actually extremely alarming. "N-No, no, please-please don't do that."
Raising a brow, she pulled away and started to walk downstairs. "…Well, I was sort of joking. Women are separated from the men, right?"
…Oh. "Um…yea, I guess I ought to talk about some of that, huh?"
He followed her out of the room though she'd paused. "…What do you mean?"
"…My friend that was in the desert with me? Her name is Yamada Komari" he said softly before taking a deep breath, "…I…I don't know how to say this to you of all people, Lai, but she's…she's my best friend too and if it hadn't been for her, I would have very well died out there. She had my back pretty much every time and I owe her every bit of my life. She will…she will always be special to me."
Honestly? If Lyla said that about another guy, he'd probably be at least…somewhat defensive because what the hell? Just…it was true and he had to let her know that was…that was his dealbreaker if she had a problem with it like Kasumi did.
Lyla gazed at him, her brows furrowing. Oh boy. "…What, are you expecting or wanting me to be jealous?"
"Eh? Nei-neither! I just want you to know, platonically, Komari is going to be another important woman in my life. It's not romantic or anything, I promise you that, but she…she has a significant other that doesn't understand nor accept our relationship so I…I just want this to be very clear to you" he explained slowly.
She pouted, "Shin…you'd have met this woman regardless, right?"
What? "I…I dunno what you mean?"
"If we hadn't broken up, you still would have gone and met her, correct? Us breaking up didn't cause some course of events where you just mysteriously met this woman, correct?"
… "…No."
Lyla sighed, walking down the steps, "Then why should I be jealous of this person that kept you alive that you would have met and befriended anyway? I'm depressed I have so little sense to you in your head."
Oops. "I—I didn't mean it like that at all, Lai!" he protested, "I-I mean, if you-you said you had some guy that was super important to you, I dunno how I would take it!"
"If I told you he was responsible for saving my life and having my back in a tough situation, you'd be envious?"
… "…I mean, I-I guess not exactly. Maybe just of the fact that you…needed him to, I suppose."
She smiled, reaching back and squeezing his hand. "You're right. I guess I do have envy over that. But if I had to choose you having her as a friend or having you be dead in the desert, I would never choose the latter."
Man. Maybe it was the drugs but he was getting a little more…confident in his standings.
"You are just a waste of time, at this point, Yagami-san. I'm sure an amusement to Lyla but very little else. You have very little to offer in the way of your career choices and even less with your bloodline. A quarterbreed begot by a half-blooded pauper and a fallen house. I think it's about time you understood your place—and it is most certainly not in my daughter's presence."
…Except that. That…that needed to be resolved before anything else.
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Reminded that, over two years ago, Lyla allowed him and his family to be lambasted by her father in front of him, Shin felt himself cool off. She hadn't offered specific apologies or reasons but he didn't know how to exactly ask for them either. She…she had to know how much that hurt him.
Of course, he fell asleep away from her and was doing fine with not being disturbed by nightmares. However, any light branch or breeze woke him and it took him a few minutes to go back to sleep. Or an hour, depending. Sometimes his mind still wandered with him in it. But…it was that sound again from the last couple nights prior that woke him and…had his full attention.
Shin swallowed hard, listening to her pleasure herself though it was different this time. It was only the sound of her body, not escaping from her lips. Taking a deep breath, he clenched his eyes shut. No, no, just…she was horny and apparently it was keeping her up. No...no LISTENING.
…Ugh, but…
Turning over, he moved into the curve of her back. He alarmed her, he felt her heart racing. Just… "Lyla, can…can I?"
"What?" she rasped.
"Can I…I-I want you. I want you so bad. Can I touch you?"
"Please" she whimpered, "Please touch me."
Oh man. Oh fuck, it FELT so good…
…Or did it?
Alarmingly, it…felt good but it didn't feel good at the same time? Actually, it wasn't so much it didn't feel GOOD, he just wasn't sure he was feeling anything. Was…was he really…completely broken?
He looked up, dismayed, only to find Bajiru standing there disapprovingly. Oops.
Sitting straight up, inhaling hard, Shin looked around in confusion. It…was about four in the morning, Lyla was fast asleep and not pleasuring herself and he literally just had a sex dream. Groaning deeply, he covered his face and shook his head. His damn dreams were going to be the death of him one way or another.
"Shin…?"
Jolting, he smiled quickly in Lyla's direction. She was gazing at him sleepily, "What's the matter…? Did you have a bad dream?"
"N-No…just a weird one. Sorry to disturb you" he smiled, awkwardly crawling back under the covers.
"I's fine…"
Woo boy. He…he may have…needed some answers on why what happened happened, but his body sure didn't care. Just…
Why?
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Day…17 with Lyla.
Once again, like many a night he was finding in these latter days, he found himself wide awake, staring at the ceiling in, now, wonder. It…stood that there was…somewhat reason to this madness. And maybe biases were at play in his brain as he didn't…this frequently but that didn't mean she couldn't or didn't have to.
Yesterday, he caught her with a vibrator.
It was an honest mistake in every sense, he truly thought he'd seen her go somewhere with Jill and he was going to lie down for a nap. Naturally, given either he was mentally training himself not to sleep that deeply or wide awake listening to her go at it with herself, he was getting a little tired. He'd thought he could sleep a little deeper since she wasn't in bed with him…
So yea, he opened the door and came to a dead complete stop Nope, she was definitely not out and about but in the bed they shared with said…vibrator.
And he honestly turned right back around and left because answers first, Shin! Oh, but, oh no, no, that wasn't how temptation worked. "Shin?"
Oh, fuck. He'd told himself not to say anything, having stood outside the door like a statue. She tried again. "Shin? Is that you?"
Like a big ol' damn dummy thinking maybe she…needed something nonsexual, he answered, "A-Ah, Lyla, I thought you'd gone out with Jill."
"No, she had purchased something for me…come in."
It went against every single ounce of his judgment but he entered, figuring she'd have covered up or stopped what she was doing. When he walked in, while she had certainly stopped with the vibrator, she was sitting up on her haunches, half naked. He just stared at this…temptress from the door, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Answers.
"Were you going to nap? I can go into the other room" she'd offered sweetly.
"N-No, I mean, um…take your time. I can go nap in the other room."
"Won't you help me?"
"…Huh?"
"I'm good at it now but…it'd be different if you helped."
He had to give it to her, she was really, really good. Like…really, really, really good. "U-Uh, I…I don't know if that's…that's such a good idea, Lai."
"I miss you touching me."
So…yea, that went about the direction…it would have gone the two years prior. He really had given all the credit to Nesha for making his mind goo but Lyla? Lyla made his brain and all faculties not even soup but broth. There was nothing there.
Like a zombie, after shutting the door, he wandered close to her. He…still wasn't down for the count yet. "L-Lyla, look, let's…let's talk first…"
"Okay. What about?"
Mind, she asked this while taking his hand and sliding it up her shirt around her soft creamy nice breast. Oh no, she had no intention of them talking. "…I'm serious, Lyla."
She'd stuck out her tongue, "Then why are you playing with my nipple?"
Because he liked nipples, damn it! This time it definitely wasn't a dream, he felt the little point between his fingertips and rubbed it. Oh, he missed playing with her tits…
She lifted her shirt and those fiddles started playing again. "Suck one. You used to like that."
He was now perfectly aware the analogy of finding water in the desert and it didn't even come close to what he had felt in that moment. No, his reaction was like him finding water in the desert. "Mm, Shin, it feels so good."
No, Shin! This was a trap! Pulling away, he'd shaken his head, "Lyla."
Nope, just because he stopped didn't mean she was going to. "Mm, mm. Shin, it feels so good."
Was he hard? Extremely. That definitely could have very well been him inside of her and she was making that clear. Oh, she was good.
His backbone stayed in place only because finished. She gave him a look probably because he didn't pounce on her and start pounding her into next year. Oh, she was close. One more enticement like that and they'd be back to square one. Instead, he purred, "…We talk about what happened, I'll eat you out all night."
Lyla just blinked at him…before taking his hand. His brows briefly furrowed before he stared, flabbergasted, as she took his pointer finger and sucked it before swirling her tongue around the tip. She blinked at him, smiling, standing and skipping to the bathroom. "Well, that's your loss, Yagami Shin."
Oh, she was damn good.
He just wanted to talk! Why was the communication so hard for them!? Frustrated in multiple ways and seething, he covered his face as she sleep masturbated. It was sleep masturbating tonight. At this point he could tell the difference by pacing, sounds, and the intensity of her arousal. Sitting straight up, he glared. No. No more. Enough was enough. "Lyla."
Again, she was asleep, so he shook her shoulder. She let out a little sleepy sound before shifting a bit. "Shin…? Wha's the matter?"
"You gave me my ring back. I came over, your dad calls me the scum of the Earth that is a waste of time and doesn't deserve you and insults my family. You didn't even say anything, you didn't tell me why you gave the ring back—all of it. Why?"
"Can't we talk about it later, Shin…?"
"No. I had literally no intention of telling you my mounting psychoses and you still managed to get them out of me. I am tired of this one-sided…thing."
She turned over on her side, her green eyes groggy. "…It's not one-sided because I want it to be, Shin."
"Explain."
And she rolled her eyes. Ugh, forget it. Climbing out of bed, he started for the door. Lyla sat up, "Shin, where are you going?"
"I'll sleep in the other room. Night."
Not giving her an opportunity to say anything else to dissuade him, he walked to his 'entertainment' room. He had a decent couch in there. Grabbing a pillow and blanket, he stretched across it on his side. Oh well. He…wasn't mad, just…disappointed, he supposed.
He groaned in his head when he heard footsteps behind him. Of course. 'Shin."
Ignoring her, he made a face when she got closer, kneeling behind him. "…If I told you I can't tell you yet, that it's something I alone need to resolve, will you…just give me time?"
"It's been two years, Lyla."
"I know that" she said quietly, "Please. It's…it's not that I don't trust you, that I don't want you to know. It's just all that you've told me about yourself over the years, I…I know what you'd do and I need to handle this differently than that. I don't want you to get involved and take a fall for us."
…What? Shin turned over, glaring, "…What is that even supposed to mean, Lyla? I can't be involved with your family like you're involved with mine? Because I don't know how to act because you know what I would do?"
She looked exasperated. "I didn't say you don't know how to act. It'd be appropriate and it'd be right. But it wouldn't be what we need and…and I don't want to risk anyone."
He was confused. As hell. "Can you give me…some hint?"
"…You've seen it in your family. Outside of it. And you know something is off in mine. You probably…just never thought to look past me."
Oh, so a brain teaser. Annoyed, he closed his eyes. Something in his family that was going on in her family but it wasn't apparently her but she had to resolve it.
…Well, unfortunately the first part of that teaser had a lot of open doors, his family had been through a lot. Just… "Lyla, my dad…my dad said my mom put up with abuse to protect him and that…that eats at him, I can see it. I…I know it's not entirely the same, not really even close, but if…if it's something I can help you resolve, I don't…don't want you to protect me if I can help you."
With a smile, she stroked his cheek, "…Well, maybe you just have best friends that can't help that."
Damn it. Shin leered at her before grumbling, "…All right, Lyla. I won't…give you a deadline or something because I don't know what it is but I…I'm still ambivalent until I know."
She nodded solemnly, kissing his cheek, "I know. And…it's not something I can wait much longer on either."
God, why wouldn't she just tell him? Now he was mostly curious! She tugged his hand, looking at him pleadingly, "Come back to bed, please."
Ugh. "…Fine."
Walking behind her, he was tempted to just stay until she was asleep and maybe go downstairs to watch television. Or pretend to and fall asleep on the couch. He wasn't as irritated, just exhausted.
Or now completely confused as Lyla retrieved a box from the nightstand drawer which housed her 'toy' and appeared to be heading back to the other room. Now wait a minute. "Um, Lai?"
"I was having a nice dream before you woke me so I'll just be a few minutes" she yawned.
Shin sucked his cheek, his brows lowering as he stared at her pensively. So… "So, you…kicked me out of my own entertainment room so you can…go entertain yourself there?"
"Just briefly" she insisted.
He really had a lot of special people in his life, actually. And… "…Come back."
She frowned, walking back over as he sat up on the edge of the bed. To be honest, he…wasn't sure he even knew how to function this way anymore. It seemed…self-serving. At least partially.
…She was dreaming, huh? "Who were you dreaming about?" he whispered.
"You."
He smiled. Predictable. "You can tell me the truth, I don't mind."
He yelped, startled, when she gave him a fast shove back. Leering, she climbed into bed beside him, untying his pajama pants. "It's always been you, baka."
Flustering, he closed his eyes and let
…So much for being ambivalent.
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"You don't deserve her."
What?
Shin woke up, absolutely dazed and confused. His hair was damp and wavy and he had…zero recollection of going to sleep. Looking drearily to the alarm clock behind him, he found it was around 11 in the morning. With a yawn, he sat up and looked to his side. Directly beside him was Lyla, stretched out very weirdly on her side, her arm lying across the bed limply, naked.
Adrenaline, maybe. Ringing. Sounds. Panic. His senses went into overload and he felt himself start to hyperventilate. No, no, no. "Lyla."
He frantically picked her up in his arms, about to scream for help. This. This was why. He couldn't deserve anything now. He didn't deserve her!
"Shin…?"
He looked down, shaking uncontrollably. Lyla looked super puzzled, one of her eyes wider than the other and very much half-asleep. "Wha is it…? Wha'z the matter…?"
"Lyla. Did I hurt you?"
The pink haired woman snorted. SNORTED…and then went back to sleep! Shin leered at her as he still tried…to calm. Looking toward the bathroom, he finally paused the manic racing of his imagination.
…Oh. He… went and took a shower. She…came with him into the shower and they screwed around some more, barely dried off, and dragged themselves into bed in exhaustion at around 6 this morning.
Exhaling hard, he rested Lyla back on the bed and covered his face with his hands, quietly crying. Why couldn't he just be stable anymore? That depression he overlooked last night finally reared its ugly head as he stood, dressing as silently as possible and wandering downstairs. He…he didn't deserve her. Not when…when he couldn't even discern if he'd hurt her or not.
On the second level, he meandered toward the fabric room, not surprised to find his mother hard at work there. Well…somewhat. She kept some pretty wild hours herself. The woman appeared to be working faster than usual so maybe she had a rush order. Turning, not wanting to bother her, that Magic of Moms set into play. Her back was to him but she called: "Shin?"
"…Morning, mama."
The woman turned to him, pins in her mouth, "Morning, Sweetie Plum…what's the matter?"
He had washed his face but he still looked red and blotchy right now so it was no hiding he was an emotional disaster. Wandering in, he knelt and rested his cheek on her knee, "…I'm a monster. And I don't know how to convince myself I'm not."
Dana's brows furrowed, putting the pins into a cushion and shaking her head, "Shin, you are…well aware what a monster is in human flesh."
"I'm guilty of a lot of the same things he is, mom. Now, I can't even…sleep beside the person I love without waking up thinking I've killed them because that's what I've done in the past. I killed someone coming out of rest."
The woman that risked her very life to birth him pouted, holding his cheeks, "…You know, you're older than your papa was when we got married right now? It's a marvel to me. My babies made it."
He frowned as she stroked his hair, smiling, "…Your papa has a tough time living with himself too. You're both very gentle spirits and I think you both believe the universe ought to be more balanced than it is. You mourn humanity's…grievances and take their evil upon yourself. I'll admit, your…mama doesn't digest things that way, Sweetie Plum. I can only account for myself and I can only account for what I was able to do against the wrong. You were shot out of the sky, Shin, because they believed you all were closing in on their wickedness. You crossed a desert they don't even own and they tried to kill you to guard their wickedness. You did things you should not have had to because, again, like I told you the first time, these people chose this route. Don't…don't take their burden, Shin."
"…It's so much easier said than done, mama" he rasped.
"Well, of course it is" she assured, hugging his neck, "And you probably think, 'well, she's my mama, of course she is going to justify what I did'. And you're right…to a degree. I'm able to call out you all's wrongs though and…and I just can't feel it with you, Shin."
…Right. "And, when this smoke clears, if people try to judge you, I'll stab them" she sighed airily, pulling away to pick up the pins.
Shin smirked, rubbing his wet eyes, "Yea, you sure Koji didn't take after you?"
"Tuh, hardly."
She squeezed his hand as he stood, murmuring, "…I will say, Shin, that the living with it is the hardest part of…of any trauma. It chases you and it anoints you in every possible feeling. None of them usually feel good. But…if you can't push past it, walk beside it until you can. Don't let whatever it is overtake you."
"…Yes. Thank you, mama."
Dazed, he wandered back upstairs to the third level to just relax or try to. He guessed…this was his concern: accepting that everything around him was okay when he wasn't.
Coming into the room, he paused. It hadn't been that long in the scheme of things, about ten minutes, and Lyla had been near comatose when he left. Now, she was awake and pulling on a thick, dowdy gray dress, pulling her hair up. Um. "…Lai?"
She looked up at him solemnly before her brows dropped. "…What's the matter?"
"Nothing…"
His childhood friend scowled some, getting close to him and brushing her fingers over his eyelashes, "So was I not dreaming about your freak out?"
"No."
She shook her head, kissing his cheek, "Please have just a little bit more faith in yourself, Shin."
"And please understand I can hurt you, Lyla. I'm not—I'm not entirely crazy and just fabricating things in my imagination. It is possible and I want you to acknowledge it. I'm not some…some project to fix, these cracks are here."
Lyla blinked at him languidly and he was…aggravated. Maybe…maybe Bajiru was right. It…it wasn't a hill they could climb together.
"I'm not here to fix or hold you together, Yagami Shin. And I am acknowledging what you told me—but I'm human. I fell asleep beside you after we had sex and I'm sorry I don't fear you enough to shirk away in terror. You expect a whole lot out of me."
He found himself gaping as she shook her head, walking toward the door and picking up a pair of shoes nearby. "…I just got a call. I'll make it look like I'm not coming from here but I need to go home."
…Home? "…Is everything okay?"
"Probably not."
What? And she kept walking away with that! Following her, alarmed, Shin shook his head, "T-Then why are you going? They haven't called you in almost three weeks!"
She shrugged because all he knew about anything was a fucking riddle that made no sense to him. Lyla was almost out the front door, something he couldn't even peek out of right now. Wait. "L-Lyla…are…are you coming back?"
Wow. Real convenient, Shin. You spend every other minute coping in your head that you need to push her away or that she deserved better than your nightmares then when she has a way out you panic and don't want her to go? Classy. Gnawing his lip, rebuking himself and about to recall the question, Lyla paused. She looked back at him before smiling. "Baka."
He made a face as she just left, elusive to a tee. What was even going on? Lyla was out of school, meaning they should want to keep an eye on her. They call her almost three weeks later? And whatever she was going over there for probably wasn't good? Was…was it another suitor?
Undeniably anxious, Shin shook his head and went to the kitchen to prepare lunch for himself and whomever else was around. Koji had been up super later working on a term paper so he was probably knocked out and dad had left for work early last night. He…was alone.
Preparing a light lunch of pickled vegetables and a bit of rice, he took a plate to his mama, knowing she wouldn't stop to eat it but figuring he would offer. Dana looked up with a smile. "Set it on the table, I'll be down in a moment."
Okay…he peeked into Koji's room, finding him sitting up and rubbing his face. Poor guy. This…this was hopefully almost over. "Uh, morning. I have some lunch on the table if you're hungry."
"Thanks."
Mr. Chaos was not a morning person. Or…late morning person. Settling in his seat away from the window when he got back to the dining table, he picked up his chopsticks.
You've seen it in your family. Outside of it. And you know something is off in mine. You probably…just never thought to look past me.
Past her? Why would he look past her? She was his main concern! Annoyed again, he smiled as his mom came and sat beside him, saying 'itedakimasu' and digging in. "Um, I of course know how to sew, mom, even though it might not be on your level but I can help if you need it."
"Oh, you don't have to do that, dear. You can spend more time with Lyla."
… "She, uh…had to go home for a little bit. I asked her if she was coming back and she called me a baka."
Dana looked bewildered before her brows quirked, "Oh, well, that means she'll be back. Might not be any time soon though."
Wha? "W-What do you mean?"
Sipping the tea he had prepared, Dana looked pensive. "…I can't put my direct finger on her family. It's an old family like mine was…but for as screwed up as my family was, we were still pretty unique. A matriarchal family is…rare in our parts. My mom ran everything and my dad was just a figurehead that she pretended to defer to even though she didn't."
… "Well, that…submissive wife stuff is kind of outdated anyway, right? I mean, at least she was that progressive?"
His mother scoffed. "I would never, and I mean never, give that woman that credit, Sweetie Plum. She ran the household like a sexist man would. I was supposed to be chaste, demure, weak, and powerless because I wasn't the first daughter. As I was the third, I was supposed to be married off to a man who would probably only value those…assets. Weirdly enough, your grandfather was the only one that gave me an inch of progressive thought by saying I shouldn't be stuck in the house. Or, apparently, he's the reason I was able to carry you to term."
…Oh. A little…shocked by this overload of information as his mom continued eating, he tried to…assess it. So… "So, I…I know Lyla is supposed to embody those 'assets', just…why? It's a different era now, she can leave."
Dana chewed, gazing off before her eyes diverted to Koji dragging his feet into the kitchen. "…If it was a different circumstance, where I didn't have your father's future at stake, I would have left too, Shin. Your father introduced me to the mindset that I could though, so, without him, I wouldn't have. However, if it struck me, I would have left. However, that means something is holding her back."
But…it couldn't be him. Lyla and him are the same age. His dad was young enough to legally be with his mother to a point until Yamada aged up and woosh, they were no longer legal. There was nothing like that here.
With a yawn, Koji sat down and sipped a glass of water he brought over. "…So I take it Lyla's gone?"
"Mm. Apparently she got a call to come home" Shin muttered.
"Say the word, I'll bust over there in a heartbeat."
…"…Would you?"
"No, he will not" Dana said dryly, "Relax. If she's gone too long, I'll have the best…purpose in going over. My second born would just be insane."
Koji simply smiled while Shin groaned. Maybe, but if Koji was great at anything, it was busting shit up. He just…he just wanted to understand.
You don't deserve her.
…Well, something aside from that.
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By his account? Being gone from eleven in the morning to eleven at night was way too long. He had helped his mother out until about three, napped until five, cooked dinner at six, ate that dinner with the kids until about seven, watched television with them until nine, then they went about their business so he had two hours to think about how this was WAY TOO LONG.
Sitting by the steps in front of the door, he kneaded his hands. This was possessive. Unhealthy. Toxic, even. She had all the right in the world to go anywhere she pleased for twelve hours. He didn't need to know what she was doing, to doubt. That wasn't his place.
…It was just the anxiety of not knowing what…what she was going through. And, the anxiety of not knowing if…if she was about to not come back again.
The doorknob jiggled a bit, causing him to jump. It was probably his dad though.
His heart raced when Lyla entered the house, holding a small bag. She looked…fine. Nothing looked out of place except she seemed tired. Just…she…she came back.
Lyla blinked at him, startled, "…Don't tell me you've been sitting there, waiting for me?"
"…For about an hour. I…I was worried."
Standing, he hesitantly reached out to her, half expecting her to finally shirk away, as she put it. Instead, she curled into his embrace at ease, wrapping her arms around him. That…that part of him that was in turmoil that found peace in that moment felt…amazing. Kissing the top of her head, he absently released that terse bun, her long tresses falling in waves. "…You like wearing your hair up or something?"
"No" she sighed, "But wearing your hair down is immature, you know?"
"Bull."
"So mean" she teased, "Have you eaten?"
"Mm. You?"
Nodding in confirmation as well, her green eyes brightened. He just… "While I was at school, I got into more activities with flowers and herbs. It's more holistic than you're probably used to in your family but I started making bath salts with aromas and whatnot—a lot of people told me it helped them sleep and relax so, we should take a bath."
A bath? He made a face, not sure he wanted to be boiling in flowers. We though…? "…I guess it's worth a shot."
She looked excited. Again, he was still surprised Koji's magical blend of weed helped him at all, let alone…smells. Following her up the steps, he smirked a bit as she stripped down naked in front of him at ease. Never a dull moment. "You're something else, Ms. Okamoto."
"What? You've seen everything now!"
He chuckled. He had. Taking off his t-shirt, dropping it into the hamper, he stepped into his shower to rinse and wash as Lyla went to work with her 'blend'. When he came out, she shooed him into the tub and took his place in the stall. He stared at the pink water with bubbles floating on top. He wasn't…certain the last time he sat in a bathtub.
Stepping in, he sank down low and…oh man. The warmth alone felt intoxicating. Closing his eyes, he listened to Lyla's soft humming and, admittedly, felt kind of freer.
Lyla exited and sat on the opposite side of the oval clawfoot tub. The thing was…huge, it almost was enough for him to stretch out. Almost. Lyla had pinned her hair up, kneeing over to sit between his legs. "Here, this shampoo is nice too."
Shampoo? She took the wand attached to the wall and dampened his hair again, pouring a bit of the amber wash into her hands, and gently massaged it into his scalp. Mm. "…Dunno if I've ever had anyone wash my hair before."
"It's nice, right?" she gushed.
He idly opened his eyes, just right eye level at slippery breasts as she continued to scrunch her fingers against his head. "Oh yea…"
"Perv" she snickered.
He smiled while she guarded his eyes, rinsing out the lather and replacing it with a light conditioner. Sinking down onto her haunches, she stared at him with a frown. He blinked, "…What's wrong?"
"…I guess I hadn't really seen you naked in the light."
It was somewhat amazing that Shin took three bullets to the same shoulder. A miracle that they hit his shoulder, really. Just a sign of poor marksmanship though, they were trying to pierce his heart and missed. Those guys weren't like the ones that were able to hit both of his legs. Those were experts.
As a result, across his shoulder were three healed over indentions, two with a minor bit of fissuring lines that had a bit of a keloid. His arm was similar, three small scars sprinkled across his bicep and forearm. He couldn't recall where it happened, but apparently someone had scratched him up good, a light raised line of skin starting at his collar bone and stopping mid-upper chest. Physical scars, he…could deal with though.
Pressing her finger into one of the marks on his shoulder, she whispered, "…Did it hurt?"
"Like hell."
She slowly turned around before leaning back against his chest. Hmm? Playing with the bubbles, she whispered, "Perhaps I spoke too soon."
"About what?"
"…Supporting you. I…I don't want anyone shooting at you. Every one of those scars means someone was actively trying to take your life."
Swallowing, Shin nodded solemnly. "They are."
She kissed the back of his hand, falling silent. Lavender, perhaps? Jasmine, maybe. Some chamomile…while he wanted to ask her any litany of things, especially about what she had to do over there, he couldn't deny he was getting a bit sleepy. Whether that was because of this flowery concoction or the fact he was relaxing in a bathtub with Lyla, he wasn't sure. Could've been both…
"…This is nice" he murmured, resting his cheek against the back of her head.
"Mm…"
After another twenty minutes, they got out, rinsing off the suds and drying off. Lying in bed, he bit his lip, a bit amused, as Lyla rubbed his feet with more of her therapy oils. "…Lyla, you're too much."
"What? Everyone likes a good foot rub sometimes."
Leaning back lazily, he drawled, "You trying to get into my pants or something?"
"Well, you're not getting THAT massaged tonight, Yagami Shin, I'm sleepy."
With a laugh, he shook his head, "And I'm the perv, eh?"
Sticking out her tongue, she went to the bathroom to wash her hands while he stealthily slipped half a pill. The bath and massage worked as far as his anxiety wasn't beating into his psyche and he felt…peace. Just sleeping wise, that…that could very well be disrupted by things outside of his control.
Lyla returned and crawled into bed, looking at him wearily. "…Shin?"
"Hmm?"
"…The way…father always drilled things, I wouldn't be allowed to…to continue anything with you. So, I thought, one day, we'd…we'd both end up married to other people, perhaps we'd send each other letters or correspond once and a while and…and perhaps it'd be fine. But you…you rightfully pushed me away after everything that happened. You gave me back the things I gave you and…and I couldn't bear it. It hurt so much and when…when the days turned into weeks and months and years, I didn't…I didn't want it to be like that at all. I don't want it to be like that at all. But I can't…I can't have what I want."
"…Sure you can. If you want it."
She sulked at him as he pushed a few strands of hair back, "…It's there, if you want it."
"…I love you, Shin."
"I love you as well."
"But I…I do have to tell you…"
When he woke up, she was fucking gone again.
Her stuff was gone, there was no trace of her, and he…he didn't even know. What was it this time? Or was it the same as last time?
Sitting in the bay window of the room, staring out, he stared at that borealis of death that struck him at his lowest. He…could probably break his neck jumping from here.
Why didn't she just tell him 'goodbye'?
"Yo, Shin…?"
He glared back over his shoulder at Koji, the person that made it out to be like he and Lyla were destined to be. Hardly, when she just kept fucking running without a word. He couldn't even go get lambasted a second time right now and she knew it. Didn't she…didn't she know he was hurt enough?
Koji's brows were furrowed, holding the landline phone. "…Does…Etherlink mean anything to you?"
…What? Shin stared at his brother, his agony melting into…something. If he stretched, he imagined it felt like what he'd feel seeing a ghost. "…Respond Siren."
While Koji had question written all over his face, he replaced the phone to his ear and drawled, "…Siren."
Heart racing, Shin jumped up when he heard Colonel Teramoto's voice. Holy shit. Koji handed the phone over to him and Shin blurted, "Siren."
"Good job, Yagami. You made it."
His blood was pumping so hard, he wasn't sure he was even…hearing. "S-Sir?"
"Get dressed in your formals and pack a bag, a car marked X7333 is picking you up in the next hour. I'll debrief you when you, Yamada, Itoh, Koike, and Soga arrive."
"Y-Yes sir."
Pressing end, he stared at the device in…disbelief before looking to Koji. "…It's over, Koji. It's done. I'm…I'm not dead anymore."
"…Shit. Really?" Koji said, wide-eyed.
Shin…nodded and Koji looked around, his face a bit uncharacteristically amazed. "…Wow. That's…that's awesome. I mean, I didn't…do much, but fuck, it feels like I finished a mission too."
Punching his brother's shoulder, he scoffed, "The hell do you mean 'you didn't do anything'? You put your life on hold and got your endeavor pushed back so you could fight me sometimes, you did a lot. You finished this mission with me. Thank you."
Koji simply nodded as Shin rushed to get his stuff out of the closet. Finding the black formal military attire, he quickly combed his hair so the ponytail was obscured by his cover. "Koji, is mom here?"
"She had to run out to one of the stores in Hokkaido. She probably won't be back before you leave. How long do you think you'll be gone?" Koji questioned, sitting on Shin's bed.
Throwing his duffel bag on the bed, Shin shook his head, "…No idea. Hopefully not long."
Nodding, Koji leaned back on his palms….weird. Shin leered a bit as he packed the things he did have considering most of his gear was back at the barracks, last he saw it. "You aren't going to ask where Lyla is?"
"Well, the way you looked at me when I walked in…didn't figure I wanted to ruin this happy moment" he droned.
Damn right. Zipping up the bag after putting his toiletries inside, he slung it on his shoulder. "…I'm hurt but I guess I don't have time to be."
"Well, at least she left a letter this time?"
What? Shin's eyes narrowed. "…No, she didn't."
"I mean, unless you just have random pieces of pink paper shoved under your pillows…"
Eh? Shin swiftly turned to his bed, going over and lifting up his pillow. No letter, what-
…She wouldn't have reached for his head like that. Swallowing that, he looked at her pillow and indeed found that same stationary from when she returned the watch. Oh man, he…he couldn't. "…Read it for me, Koji."
Koji, nonplussed, retrieved the piece of paper and looked it over. Finally, his voice low, he muttered, "…Dear Shin, I was trying to tell you last night after our bath that my father was furious and going to have me followed. With Marianne's help, I was able to sneak out to return to you but I had to be back at home early this morning. I couldn't wake you to explain but I didn't want to be a liability to your mission. Like you said, my father would carelessly and callously undermine all you've done and I couldn't live with myself if that occurred because of me. I'm sorry that I am breaking my promise of leaving you but I didn't almost lose you to have your bravery destroyed. I'm here waiting. I love you, Lyla."
…Fuck. "Fan-fucking-tastic. I was doped into a coma and told her not to touch me as I was sleeping anyway so I couldn't even see her off" he snarled, taking the letter from Koji to review himself.
"Well, hey, fate smiled upon you, it's over the same day she left" Koji nodded.
Her fucking dad. And fucking him, jumping to conclusions. Hell, maybe she left a letter that day too, who knows! Frustrated, he took a deep breath. "…One problem at a time."
First one? To see…if that so-called 'bravery' paid off.
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End Notes:
I dunno how to describe Etherlink in Rune Factory, it's…not a spell, maybe? Or it might be, I dunno. It's in Rune Factory
Siren is one of the bosses in Rune Prana. Here, it's Shin's assigned code word.