Joe and Candy go to great lengths in order to get free drinks during ladies night at the Saloon.
Inspired by an episode of "Dr. Quinn" of the same name
Ladies Night
It was a normal Friday afternoon in Virginia City, Nevada. Joseph "Little Joe" Cartwright and his trusted ranch hand friend Candy Canaday were loading supplies that they had purchased at Will Cass' general store into the wagon. Joe noticed that Sam the bartender at the Bucket of Blood was nailing a sign on the wooden post.
"Hey Candy what do you suppose Sam is putting up there." Joe asked.
"I don't know Joe." Candy answered as he continued loading the wagon.
"I think I might just go and take a look for myself." Little Joe answered his curiosity getting the best of him as he decided to take the short walk over to the saloon. Candy decided to follow after him just to ensure that his friend didn't get into trouble that always seemed to follow him.
When they got over there they were greeted by the gruff voice of Sheriff Roy Coffee.
"What in the heck is "Ladies Night" Sam?" Sheriff Coffee asked as he read the sign "Ladies Night Friday Night", his eyes shining with disbelief.
"Exactly what it says. A night for ladies. The night I expand my clientele." The rotund bartender said as he finished nailing the sign to the post.
"Client what?" Roy asked.
"He's talking about customers Roy." Candy said as he and Joe stopped in front of him.
"What is this about?" Little Joe asked as he eyed the sign. He was rather intrigued about the idea of the saloon holding a ladies night.
""He's been spending too much time in San Francisco again that he decided to bring back their foolish customs." Roy answered, shaking his head in disapproval.
"Nothing foolish about wanting to expand your business." Sam answered as he put the hammer down.
"How do you suppose your going to do that?" Joe asked growing more curious about the idea.
"By opening the doors to the fine ladies of Virginia City." Sam said with a twinkle in his eyes.
"No woman is going to want to set foot in a saloon." Candy said.
"Not without some encouragement. So from now on every Friday night anyone wearing a dress will drink for free." Sam explained.
"Free! We've been loyal customers for years and you've never allowed us free drinks!" Joe cried out in disbelief.
"You've also been trashing my saloon for years so I think you've lost the right for free drinks." Sam told him. Ignoring the pouting look on Joe's face.
"All I can say is this is a bad idea but don't come crying for me if it ends up going down hill." Roy said as he turned around and walked down the street leading to his office.
"I don't see why anyone would have a problem with it. There's already women in there." Sam said as he pointed to Betty who was inside washing the tables.
"But that's different they're in there to entertain us not themselves. That's the ways it's always been and it should remain like that." Joe explained.
"Times are changing Joe, get used to it." Sam explained.
"I still don't know how you are going to get the women in this town to set foot in there." Candy said thinking of how most of the women in this town hated drinking.
"Hey Abigail!." Sam shouted as he noticed Abigail Jones-Myers walking down the street.
Abigail turned at the sound of her name. "Sam, Little Joseph, and Candy." She said curtly.
"Abigail I would like to invite you to Ladies Night tonight. All drinks are on the house, be sure to bring your friends." Sam explained.
Abigail had a strange look on her face but she remained polite. "I just might do that." She then continued walking down the street.
Sam eventually went back inside leaving Candy and Little Joe to stare at the poster in amusement.
"Free drinks for anyone who wears a dress. I wonder what man would be crazy enough to put on a dress and pull the charade of being a lady?" Candy asked as he and Joe walked back to the wagon.
"That I wonder about too." Joe said as his attention kept drifting back to the Ladies Night sign.
Back at the Ponderosa
Candy and Little Joe eventually returned to the Ponderosa after their trip to town. They told Ben and Hoss about Sam's latest business scheme.
"I don't know what respectable woman would want to set foot in a saloon for free drinks." Hoss muttered as he shook his head in disbelief.
"According to Sam, times are changing and he views it as the wave of the future." Candy explained with a little laugh.
"All I can say is that any man who has the idea to put on a dress deserves a free drink." Ben explained as he laughed at his own fool idea.
"Ain't that the truth Pa." Little Joe answered as he stared off into the distance. A brilliant idea forming in his head.
Hours Later
The International House
Candy stood in the middle of the rented room of the International House with his hands on his hips. Where on earth was Joe? Joe had told him that he wanted to go to town but was going to be delayed so he asked Candy to go on ahead and get a room at the International Hotel. He had been here for an hour and he was still waiting for Joe to show up.
Finally the door opened and Little Joe entered carrying two carpet bags, and a hat box.
"Joe finally your here. Now what's in the bag?" Candy asked.
"The solution to all our problems." Little Joe's eyes gleamed as he pulled out a blue dress that had belonged to Hoss' mother Inger and handed it to Candy.
"Joe, are you crazy we can't do something like this!" Candy exclaimed as he thought of how wrong Joe's plan was.
"Candy I am not going to lose the opportunity to get free drinks and lose our special man spot to a bunch of women. It's the only place where men can get away to and be men." Joe explained as he took at another dress that was dark blue and at one time belonged to his mother Marie.
"Good point. Now how on earth do you put one of these things on?" Candy asked as he held the dress up against him while taking a look into the mirror.
"First you gotta get into one of these things." Little Joe said as he pulled a corset out of the bag and held it up.
After an hour of stuffing themselves, into corsets, petticoats, dresses, makeup, and blonde wigs the pains of becoming women had finally come to fruition.
"Oh God I look ridiculous. This is never going to work." Candy complained as he eyed himself in disgust at his reflection in the mirror.
"It will now stop complaining. Talk softly and take little steps." Joe said he finished tying the strings to his bonnet.
Candy shrugged and followed his lead. They then left the room they rented and carefully descended the stairs taking small ladylike steps the best they could. Joe curtsied to the desk clerk who eyed them suspiciously wondering when he had seen two hideous ladies enter the establishment earlier in the day.
They then walked down the road to the saloon. Along the way they passed Johnny Lightly and his wife Ann. Johnny tipped his hat but then stopped thinking there was something familiar about them but couldn't figure it out. Ann told him not to worry about it and they continued walking home.
Candy and Joe then entered the saloon and were greeted by the sounds of the piano. They noticed Abigail Myers sitting at a table with Clementine Hawkins, Amelia Miller, and Maggie Wilson.
"Well if it isn't Abigail, Clementine, Amelia, and Maggie. What brings you out on the fine evening?" Joe asked in his best female voice.
"Who are you?" Abigail asked, taken back by the stranger.
"Don't you remember me from the quilting circle last week." Joe asked.
"I've never seen you before in my life." Abigail responded.
"Sure you have. I'm Joleen and this is Catherine. Say howdy Catherine." Joe said as he turned to Candy.
"Howdy." Candy said in a mocking female voice. "Mind if we join you?"
The ladies nodded and they sat down at the table. Joe took a drink from the shot glass that was by Maggie and Candy pulled a cigar out of his little bag and lit it up. He then took a puff causing the other ladies to cough.
Joe noticed someone at the bar counter that looked familiar and felt the urge to talk to them. "Would you ladies excuse me. I see someone I know. Catherine can keep you company.
Once Joe was gone Candy turned his attention to the girls at the table. "Girls do you mind if I ask you a question? Do your husbands know where you are tonight?"
Joe however was on his way to the bar counter. When he got there the familiar person was none other than his cousin Will Cartwright who was standing at the counter drinking a sarsaparilla.
"Mind if I have a drink with you handsome." Joe said in a flirty tone.
"No thank you miss. I'm a married man." Will said with a nervous giggle.
"You sure." Joe said as he batted his eyelashes.
"Just finishing up my drink and then getting home to the wife." Will said feeling nervous knowing that Laura could walk in any moment.
Will managed to take another look at the lady in question and noticed something familiar about her. "Oh my god it's Joe!" Will cried out.
Joe gave his cousin a kissy face before slamming his hand on the table. Sam came around to the bar and laughed.
"You said anyone wearing a dress drinks for free Sam." Joe pointed out as everyone started to laugh.
"Any man brave enough to wear a dress needs a drink." Sam said with a laugh as he handed Joe a full bottle of whisky.
Joe took a gulp of the bottle and tore off his wig."Come on Candy we're going home."
"Ah but Joe, Maggie was just getting to the steps of how to get stubborn stains out of whites." Candy whined.
The End