Side Story: Worth
This is a follow up from the end of Nomad. It also goes more into Lyla's perspective during the spans of the story. Enjoy!
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"You know he's a half-breed, right?"
Then Okamoto Lyla looked up from her book, startled. One of her classmates was looking at her pensively, her dark eyes narrowed as she opened her textbook. Class hadn't started yet but Lyla figured she'd get some last-minute studying in. However… "…Who?"
"That boy you hang around, the one that comes and walks you home sometimes" her nose wrinkled, "He's not like YOU, a victim of the Miriel Experiment, his eyes are that color purposefully. It's dreadful."
Only fourteen at the time, Lyla was at something of a loss. Any sort of toxic ism made literally no sense to her. Besides that, what was a fourteen-year-old doing with that sort of knowledge? It…it was taught. It was taught to Lyla too but she…didn't accept poison.
"I've known Yagami Shin for eight years and I know everything about him. He's my best friend and he's a better person than you'll ever be."
Lyla couldn't remember her name. Hana or something. She'd gawked, her face growing red, before reporting to a teacher that Lyla had 'sassed her'. The teacher had been just short of laughing at the girl. Lyla's reputation of being nonconfrontational preceded her. If the teacher had asked, however, Lyla would have admitted it happily.
…If there was one thing in her life she'd be able to stand up for, it was Yagami Shin. Or…so she'd always hoped back then.
Lyla slowly opened her eyes, drearily staring around the room bathed in the milky light of the early dawn. Sitting up in bed, she sat there for a moment, trying to gain her wits, before slowly settling her feet on the carpeted floors. She…didn't like carpet.
Taking her robe from the post of the king-sized bed, she wandered out, immediately in the living room and the adjoining kitchen where Yagami Shin was standing in front of the coffee maker.
She smiled, noticing the way his body was slouched, his arms crossed and his shoulders drooping. Cautiously going around the counter, she bit her lip to find Shin sleeping standing up. Poor thing.
"Shin-chan?"
He came to quickly. She wished he'd sleep like he used to. He…never looked rested anymore. Rapidly shaking his head, he rasped, "H-Hey, morning, baby. God, did I still wake you up? I tried to be really quiet…"
"It doesn't matter, I can feel when you're not there" she explained, hugging his waist.
Giving her a sweet smooch, Shin rested his forehead against hers, "Well, you might have to get acclimated to sleeping through that, love, because I am on the sucker shift until I either rise in the ranks or die from exhaustion."
"I don't mind…" she pouted.
"And I don't mind seeing you before I go" he smiled, holding her, "Just, y'know, there's talks of finally putting Sogen into play and I might not be there at all for a little while."
Her chest gripping, Lyla tried to just…play it cool. "…It'd probably be wasteful but I might just go back to mom's home when that happens."
"It's not wasteful at all. I would rather you not be alone."
He pulled away to pour himself a cup of black coffee while she went to the refrigerator. By all accounts, both of them had a family that had mansions where they could reside very comfortably without worry. Her father very much took the case of ownership of the property to court with no intention of backing down. For some scary amount of days, his lawyers seemed to be on the winning side with their information and claims. Lyla had been…terrified. By that point, she'd been married to Shin for two months and the idea of…all of that coming undone? She wasn't sure she would have been able to live with that.
Alas, it was a false alarm. The judge ruled in their favor, indicating that perhaps her step-grandfather did make an error but it was not cleared up by his notary at the time of signing. Yagami Shin owned the mansion of her mother's family.
It was ludicrous but, while Shin owned the property, due to the will Bajiru had tried to put into place, he was unable to change the guidelines for something like thirty years. Shin was appalled, fully intending to put the land back in her mother's name. "…But it still works out. If and when we have kids, I'm definitely not picking their spouses but hopefully they don't choose some moneymonger and we can just keep passing it down. That, or once the thirty years is up, I can finally get it back to Lillian-san."
Her mother moved back in, all the servants except her father's faithful 'manservant' staying on with her. For reasons Lyla couldn't understand, her mother still gave her father 1.5 million gold pieces. When Lyla asked why, the woman just smiled. "For all his faults, he still gave me you."
So…that's how much she was worth? "Oh, silly…how do I pay him in priceless?"
It…was so relieving. Lyla had cried so hard that day. She…she was free. She had never dreamed she'd be free. Shin…Shin had done so much for her.
They both had just turned 22, however, when, despite the fact they had access to two large mansions, they decided maybe it was time to move out. Shin had joined the police force of Hondo. The station was located in Hatani, around thirty minutes from Subami. Once Shin got through the academy, he had to be up at four in the morning for his shift since he was the 'new grunt'. It took its toll and he was exhausted after the ten hour shift then one hour commute. The icing on the cake had been when her mother barged in on one of their…intimate intermissions. Shin pleaded they move out.
They both hunted before finding an apartment about ten minutes from his job. It was a bit bigger than Shin's apartment in Wasaba had been and it had a nice bathroom. But…carpet. She hated carpet. However, the price was reasonable and it made it so her hubby wasn't commuting more than thirty minutes. She could live with carpet.
Yawning into the back of his hand, Shin finished his cup of coffee before pointing. "Back to bed, ma'am. I want you to get some more rest before you head to work."
Yes…taking out the bento she made him the night before, she rested it in his bag, "Have a good day, Shin."
"You too, baby" he murmured, giving her another kiss.
Watching him leave, she wandered back to bed, crawling back under the covers. She could get another hour or two. Smiling, she closed her eyes and listened to the light sounds of early morning outside. It…took some acclimating. They were, by all rights, suburban kids but…
It was worth it.
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Lyla hummed, arranging the little satchels of bath salts in the display before going to start to dry the petals out for their spa kit. Shin always used to say she was good at this sort of thing but she had only ever thought being a wife was in her future. She wouldn't have minded that with Shin, honestly, but…well, she looked at his mom and she just felt it'd be a little sticky to him if she was sitting at home.
No, that wasn't the only reason else she'd have discussed it with him. She didn't want to sit at home without him, for one thing, and she wanted to buy him things with her money while also providing for the house. She found this job at a little bath and spa shop about a ten minute walk from their apartment.
Even though she preferred to walk, Shin had helped her get her license and, using a chunk of the military bonus he had, purchased her a 2001 Volkswagen Beetle for her birthday. He had teased he wanted it in pink for her but that was a 'specialty' color. Lyla chose the Vortex Blue, thinking it was cute. Her brothers-in-law had seemed to say it wasn't something for them to ride in when she asked them to which was oddly…sexist for them. Alas, once she managed to coax them into it, amusingly, she saw what they really meant: All of their heads hit the ceiling. Cutely, they all still chose to ride with her though.
Thinking about plotting a visit to her now extended family, Lyla looked up with a smile when the bells over the door jangled, signaling someone was entering. "Hello! Welcome to Iris!"
It was owned by a middle-aged man named Jonas, reminding her of the Weezer song if nothing else. He stated that a family tradition was to have every second daughter named Iris. He said he only had sons but thought it was such a weird habit that he named his shop that instead. He was very kind if not sort of a wimp. He eagerly allowed her to basically run the shop so he could stay in the back and just work on arrangements. Shin had told her dryly he needed to pay her more then. She did decently but it could be better.
Her eyes widened when in came her old classmate, the one that indicated her now husband was 'dreadful' for his lineage. Yes…Hanna. Well…Jonas may have to come out here for this.
She had two other women with her, both dark haired and absently looking around. Lyla didn't recognize them but that didn't mean anything. High school felt like eons ago now after all she'd been through.
Hanna finally locked eyes with her before her brows furrowed. Darn it. "…Oh, Okamoto-san?"
"Hello, um, Kakazu-san."
"Suzuki now, actually" she smiled, readjusting her purse.
"Oh, congratulations" Lyla smiled back, going behind the register.
…Damn it, she didn't correct her either! The…the one thing she still had a hang up on was she had managed to become a Yagami. While she was frustrated, Hanna peeked around, drawling, "So, you work here?"
"Mm. I enjoy creating things like this so I figured it was a good fit."
Hanna blinked, "Well, hobbies are a thing, Okamoto-san! Working for it is so…plebeian!"
Four years later, still a piece of work. Uncertain what to say to that, Hanna's eyes suddenly glowed. "Oh, I heard about your friend and that military affair. Sounded like nasty business."
… "It was…"
"Well, I suppose that's what you get, meddling in other people's affairs" she sighed.
Times like these, she wished her husband wasn't a cop. She'd hate to have to be bailed out by him when he just started. Smiling tightly, she opened her mouth, "…Jonas-san!"
Hanna looked baffled as Jonas shuffled out of the back room, looking confused, "Lyla-san?"
"Mrs. Suzuki wanted some assistance."
"Eh? I didn-"
"O-Oh, well, all right" Jonas stammered, coming out and wringing his hands.
Ugh. Prepared to go back to work, something unthinkable as a non-hobby, Hanna scoffed, "Really, Lyla, you're still getting defensive over childish things! You can't possibly still be sentimental about him."
Lyla stared at her gravely, "…It's still fresh to me because I never thought I'd deserve to have any claim to their family. You'll think I was hiding it but it gives me great pride. I will also correct you and say I am Yagami now. I am quite sentimental about my husband."
Hanna recoiled in shock, her companions looking briefly confused before one of them brightened. "Oh! Is he related to Koji?"
"Mm, that's his younger brother."
"Oh, tell Koji that Marika says 'hello'!"
The other friend gasped, looking to apparently 'Marika', "Oh, the twins! I used to love their parties!"
Lyla was sort of amused as Hanna's face darkened considerably for the fact her party was quite infatuated with her 'dreadful' family. "…Well, congratulations to you. Still a shame, needing to work."
"My husband could take care of us entirely, Suzuki-san, but I do get a bit lonesome without him and I also want to spoil him."
Hanna probably opened her mouth to tell her that was stupid. Marika, however, giggled. "I know what you mean. My Reginald had a housekeeper that would bring him those puddings—the chocolate and vanilla one? Why, his mother banished them for being a lowly thing but he told me how much he loves them so I like to get those for him as a treat. It's so sweet surprising him after a long day."
"Yes, my fiancée loves Chupa pops and Shonen Jump so I'll go down to the convenience store weekly to get them for him" nodded the other.
Hanna looked stunned like the idea of, oh, paying attention to the husband's quirks and perhaps wanting to surprise them was unthinkable. "…Well, ladies, a man ought to be able to 'spoil' himself."
Marika pouted, "Well, of course Reggie can get his own pudding but after a long day of work and dealing with all those dreadful people, I don't see any harm in me getting him some to have when he gets home. He's tired."
"Besides, he thinks of me when he sends me flowers and chocolates, I ought to think of him too" cited the other.
Flustered, Hanna sniffed, "Well, I didn't think to be surrounded by such…nontraditional types."
Of course. Nodding her head once, her eyes narrowed, Hanna forced a smile, "Well, it was nice seeing you, Yagami-san. Congratulations again on your nuptials."
"You as well" Lyla bowed.
She stalked out of the store and Marika reminded her once again to say 'hi' to Koji, skipping out with the other one. Shin often told her when the universe just let the cards lay beautifully where they may it was the best feeling in the world. She agreed.
Jonas looked a bit bewildered, "…Um, what was that?"
"Rich people."
He laughed a bit, going back toward the work room, "Don't you fall into that in some regard, Lyla-san?"
Perhaps, but she never went around belittling people and their 'friends'. Making a face, she sat back down and started her task finally. Funny though that they were all…married or about to be. Shin said it was actually kind of young for them to be married. While, yes, a lot of their generation got married either right out of high school or college, it…did feel like they were a bit early.
She smiled, thinking about making Shin some skipjack teriyaki tonight for dinner. He would probably attempt to make it himself after he got up from his usual nap but…she wanted to 'spoil him'.
No, this was…this was perfect.
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She lost her husband.
Lyla stuck her key into the doorknob of the Yagami mansion at around six, a bit confused. Shin usually got off of work at three and was home waiting for her when she arrived at four. Tonight? Not so much. She called him, there was no answer. At…at first, she was terrified. What…what if…
Alas, at around 5:30, her mother-in-law, Yagami Dana, called. "Hey, sweetie, I just got home. Your husband is currently dead asleep on the couch."
Before those last four words, Lyla almost had a heart attack. Entering the house, she wandered in and rounded to the living room. She bit her lip, finding Yagami Shin cheek down in the chaise part of the sofa, his jaw slack and drooling. He always used to say he got the best naps on this sofa. "Shin?"
He didn't rouse. "Shin?"
"Mnuh…?"
She never could ignore how he reached for his pocket when he was woken up by someone or some sound. At first she just thought it was something absent but then she came to realize he was reaching for a weapon. It…was a lot to digest sometimes. However, his blue eyes opened zonkily and he turned over on his back, staring at the ceiling before looking baffled. "…Huh?"
"I thought you were missing, baka" Lyla smirked, walking over to him, "I guess that doesn't need to be my first assumption, you might have just run back to your mama."
Shin groaned, sitting up and rubbing his face, "My bad, baby…Tony wanted me to check a rubbing sound in his car and I was helping Jill change the oil in hers. I came in and took a quick shower and I guess…that was a wrap."
Smiling, she kissed his jaw, "It's fine. I'm just a worrywart."
Resting his head on her shoulder, she felt him seem to fall back to sleep. Her poor baby. She managed to ease him back without stirring him, covering him with a blanket. He never slept well so she preferred this. Going back to the kitchen where Dana was now, sipping wine, Lyla winked, "I'll leave him in your care, he's sleeping like a baby."
"Oh, he'll be up in no time, I'm sure" Dana smiled wistfully, the rim of the wine glass pressed to her lips, "My sweet baby…"
Mm… "I'll check on my mama and head on home. Tell him no rush if he wants to sleep over, I'll be fine."
Dana snickered, squeezing her shoulder, "He would never leave you all night purposefully, sweetie."
…Right. Kissing her mother in law's cheek and heading next door, she hugged herself as she knocked. It…was funny how this didn't feel like home. Her husband's home felt like it, their apartment was starting to feel like it but this place…
Marianne, the maid that had been there for ages, answered and her eyes brightened, "Lady Okamoto!"
"Hi, Marianne" Lyla greeted, hugging her, "I was over at the house and decided I'd come and check on mama. How is she?"
"As well as can be expected. She's been reading quite a bit lately."
…Oh. Nothing was wrong with reading whatsoever, just…she didn't get the idea that was necessarily by her mother's direct choosing but what she'd become acclimated to. Following Marianne to the living room, indeed, her mother was curled up with a book and a cup of tea. The woman looked up and smiled. "Hello, dear!"
"Hi, mama…"
Her mother set the book down, marking the page with a strip of paper, as Lyla sat beside her. "How are you, darling? Are you and Shin okay? Do you need money?"
"Mama" snickered Lyla, "We are fine. Shin got a…very decent bonus from the military. He's working and I'm working because I guess that's what society accepts."
Lillian looked thoughtful, musing, "Oh. Well…I would hate to take paying work from someone that needs it."
"I'm not saying you, mama…"
"No, but, I think it'd be something different. Maybe I can volunteer at the library?"
"That'd be fantastic, mom!" Lyla gasped, grasping her hands, "You've read so much, you would be a great fit!"
With a nod, the woman gave her fingers a squeeze. "I'll look into it…now you, when am I getting my grandchildren?"
"Oh my God, mom" Lyla gawked.
"What! Why, I was younger than you when I had you" Lillian huffed.
Leering, Lyla shook her head, "…Look, we aren't aiming but I don't-I don't think we'll be against it if it happens. But don't be looking for them in the near future."
"Oh, pooh."
With a sigh, Lyla rubbed the bridge of her nose. "…I'm tired from work, mama, so I'm going to head home. You should stop by some time."
"O-Oh, maybe…"
Lyla smiled, kissing her mother's cheek, "The world is your oyster now without him, mama. Don't be afraid to go out and live it."
Lillian sighed, standing to walk her to the door. "…I'll try, dear. It's scary to go alone though."
Grimacing, Lyla nodded, "…I know. I understand. I'll…I'll help when I can."
"Oh, silly, don't worry about that. You have your own life ahead of you to live. Don't worry about your old mama."
"You are not old" Lyla sulked, "…I'll come by again soon, mama, and I'll take you to dinner or lunch. We'll go somewhere fun."
"If you insist. You go work on my grandbabies, you two seem to enjoy that."
"Mom."
God…grandchildren. Children. Lyla had enjoyed watching Jill, Tony, and Shaun grow up. They were darling children and it was a marvel to see them become adults before her very eyes. Next year they'd be graduating and out in the world. It was daunting but she was excited for them. Could…could she do that as a mother?
Making the drive back to their apartment, Lyla pondered if she wanted to cook dinner for herself. She still wanted to make Shin's lunch for tomorrow. He said he often had no time to stop on patrol, especially when in South Wasaba.
Lyla was a bit naïve to what would make them designate the territory into cardinal directions. It seemed a bit superfluous. However, when Shin rather fearfully told his father where his 'beat' was, Yagami Yamada had just blanched. She asked Dana and the woman had groaned. "…It's literally the worst area of Wasaba. North, East, West are the less…active areas in that order. South is…not a great place."
Appalled, Lyla pushed that Shin request a different route but he assured he'd be fine. Really? Meanwhile, besides worry to death, all she could do was make him lunch… sighing, she went to prepare the skipjack teriyaki. Growing up with Shin, she always imagined he'd take a…calm job just because he was such a calm person. However, as they got older, she noticed his eyes when he featured injustice. He wanted to correct it. When he told her he wanted to be a doctor, she was delighted because that…wasn't going to be dangerous in general. Then, he turned around and joined the army.
…It…was a bit of a concern when it came to children.
Lyla pulled on her apron and turned on the radio, humming, as she took the skipjack tuna from the refrigerator and started to debone it. Preparing to dice it, she turned the radio from a commercial…
If you're horny, let's do it. Ride it, my pony.
Flustering, Lyla turned the dial again quickly. –Smell sex and candy here, mm hmm. Who's that lounging in my chair, hmm?
With a snicker, she just turned it to the CD option and let the Linkin Park CD Shin had purchased play. It was a wee bit heavier than what she was used to but it wasn't going to remind her she hadn't had a...joining moment with Shin in about a week and a half now.
She'd always remember him just ambling into her yard, looking terrified. He used to have a slightly messier bowl cut back then, his dark bangs falling over his crystal blue eyes. She'd spotted all of the children once when the Yagami family were going on a walk together and thought it was 'strange' to have so many kids, given she was and still was an only child. In her mind, she had wanted to approach them though, they seemed so…giddy. Shin just happened to find her.
For the first time outside of school, she'd gotten to play with someone. She'd…asked if he'd come back, thinking he'd say 'no'. She'd asked her mother and father if she could go over to someone's house to play, the latter always forced a 'no'. She asked if she could have someone over to their house then, again, 'no'. Only when the parent themselves asked was it allowed but her? 'No'. That's what she was used to. Yagami Shin always came back.
As they grew, she realized Shin was just about the prettiest boy she'd met. The whole family was, of course, but Shin had those shocking eyes. Over time, she came to realize it most likely wasn't the color but just the way he'd look at her. He gave her undivided attention and listened to her…
Maybe around, perhaps, thirteen, she noticed…something. When Shin and his brother shot basketball or played a game of American football or actual football, though rare, they'd strip off their shirts, getting hot and sweaty in the summer humidity. At thirteen, he wasn't particularly muscular, no, but the formation of them were there. She wasn't exactly sure how to describe it back then…but she liked them very much. And he only got more muscular as he got older, his face getting more defined as well…
It might have said something about her father, but she was trying to find an empty VHS to record a series she liked one day. Just so happened the first one she chose, despite having no writing on it, had some very…explicit material on it between a man and woman. She turned it off immediately and fled the room after…well, okay, at least three minutes of watching in horror. It was three minutes of…penetration and suddenly anatomy made a lot more sense to her. Just so happened when her father's family insisted they come to the villa her father sponsored with his wife's family's money, she also caught her cousin jerking off. She'd come to the conclusion, along with the suggestions of her patriarch, that it was for…male enjoyment.
She never thought to question that. Everything seemed to be for male enjoyment so why not? Just…she hadn't been able to get over the way Shin would make her feel at times. The woman in the VHS didn't seem to be exactly enjoying it but she didn't seem to be against it either. Eventually her father also advised her on 'correct' behavior. Submit oneself and when her husband advised he wanted to sleep with her, she needed to do so without question. Until there was a husband though, she needed to 'keep her legs closed' because she had parts now that men desired and she had no business concerning herself with.
Thus, when Shin asked her to sleep over once, she was…a bit appalled. Of course, it was Shin and he was just being kind but she thought immediately of the couple in bed and her father's mantras. They…had parts now that didn't make that appropriate. Shin had teased but she'd been so serious. As usual, because he listened to her, he picked that up and had seemed a bit…off put when he walked her back. She assured him that she trusted him and she did. He'd not do anything untoward to her, she knew that. The frank truth was that she would have definitely wanted to have done something 'untoward' with him.
For a while, she shunned herself because Shin didn't seem…that way at all. Like, he never eluded to it or made jokes like his brothers did. He had for a time there solidified himself as a chaste type in her mind. Of course, then came the day before his eighteenth birthday. She'd been doing it since they were seven, Shin usually sleeping in a bit later than she was allowed to. She pounced on him so innocently…
It grazed her inner thigh and it scared her. She had literally no idea what that could be…at first. He woke up, alarmed, and…confirmed her disbelief. She…naturally hadn't seen many but that seemed rather…large. And definitely aroused. She was horrified.
He explained it away. 'Morning wood'. Yes, that's what her cousin had said as well. Shin had meandered away to take a shower and she noticed under his pillow there was a magazine. His chastity image quickly fleeting from her mind, she grabbed it to look it over. Porn. Her best friend looked at porn. However, unlike the pornography her dad had secretly recorded on blank VHS tapes, Shin's was generally only women. She'd been perplexed there was…more than penetration.
Shin returned, aghast she was looking, and took it away. Well, she'd been more curious then. She asked him some general questions about what she'd seen and he awkwardly…explained it. When he explained the woman touching down south, Lyla was baffled. But…why? That wouldn't make a man feel good, right? To her further confusion, Shin had offered that she…make herself feel good like her cousin was doing at the villa. Her male cousin and she was…puzzled. She didn't have a penis, how? Not to mention why? It was for male enjoyment.
"Lyla, it's your body. And I would hate for you to get involved with someone and think that you're not supposed to get something out of sex!"
Lyla shook her head currently, rolling riceballs in her hand. Had she had the energy or the confidence, she probably would have asked him for it right then. She got scared, really. When she figured out he wasn't this greatly virgin human being, she became…enticed a bit before telling herself that was highly inappropriate. He…wasn't going to be her husband and she'd had instructions to wait.
Putting the bento away, Lyla covered dinner and went to get dressed for bed. When he told her he loved her, she…couldn't quite hold back anymore. The words had never been given to her before, not even by her mother, probably because she'd never heard them from anyone herself. It was an innocent affection but she kissed him on the lips. In her mind, that…was probably going to be the extent of their affectionate actions.
She was very wrong.
Pursing her lips, she looked back and concluded she was probably going to be alone for a while. Going to her drawer, she removed the box holding her…backup.
Shin picked toilsome jobs, the type that kept him in the best shape because he needed to be. The way his muscles stacked on his frame was the most attractive thing…Koji talked him into it on the twin's birthday, requesting they all get tattoos together. She always thought they were funny looking but the ivy ringlet around his bicep with a rose did not hinder his appearance slightly and actually made him look ever more beguiling.
Shin even smelled yummy, something she attributed to perhaps almost sandalwood? Something close, something earthly and intoxicating. Her excitement seemed…poignant, perhaps overkill. Shin remarked they almost never needed lube and she wondered if that was normal.
"A-Ah, Shin…"
"…Y'know, I never can believe I've gotten this lucky."
Somehow, she didn't jump much, turning on her back to stare at her husband. He was leaning against the door jamb, his fingers gripping the side and his other hand in his pocket as he smiled. "I heard you told my mama to keep me. Am I interrupting, hmm?"
"Baka" she sulked, sitting up on her haunches, "You were sleeping and I wanted you to continue to rest."
"Mm hmm…now my sleep schedules gonna be all screwed up. You're going to take responsibility and put me to sleep, right?" Shin teased, walking over.
Biting her lip, she nodded and grabbed the ends of his shirt, pulling it over his head as he raised his arms. Shin leaned in and kissed her hard, his tongue coiling around hers. Mm. Hugging his neck, she murmured, "I-I want to touch you, Shin. You've touched me the whole month."
While they hadn't… 'joined' in a week, Shin always made sure to get her off somehow. In comparison, she did feel like the nympho in their relationship. She tried to hold back since he rarely took the lead but he assured he was quite okay with her letting him know when she wanted it. Which…was literally almost every day. But she wanted to…spoil her hubby a bit.
Shin shook his head, "I'm okay, baby. You always make me feel good…"
"Please?" she pouted.
He groaned and slid to lie on his back in bed. Unbuttoning his pants, Lyla gave him a sulky moue, "You like doing it to me, why can't I like doing it to you?"
"It's weird."
With a snort, she sat on his crotch, taking her sundress off and unclipping her bra. Leaning over and playfully jiggling her breasts near his face, she joked, "It's weird you like to too."
Grinning, Shin remarked, "Maybe a little but yours are all nice and soft, they're fun to play with. It's just like a pebble on a rock with mine."
Lyla laughed, kissing him, "Maybe, but you like it."
He sighed as she kissed down his neck, across his throat and down the dip between his pecs. They'd been drunk one night about a month ago and she had teasingly sucked his nipple and was surprised by how apparently sensitive they were? He'd also been caught off guard and seemed against it but only because it was 'weird' that he liked it. Boys.
…It wasn't exactly listening to her mother but she asked if he could maybe not…be 'safe' tonight.
While he didn't remark, he did comply. Wiping his forehead, he turned over on his back beside her while they caught their breath. Shin ran both of his hands down his face, gazing at the ceiling, "…Lai, I might have a brief stint in Iraq coming up in a few months. My general said it'll probably just be six months but that's…that's still a fair amount of time so, if we're talking kids, we need to talk them before I shoot my jizz inside of you, baby."
Lyla pursed her lips, smoothing her hair back, "…Do you have concerns having children with me?"
"Of course not. I have more concerns about you having children with me."
"…I think about your job risk sometimes. But you promised you'd always come back" Lyla glowered at him.
Shin sat up with a sigh, covering himself, "…I really love and respect my dad to the fullest, Lyla. Like, entirely, and I'm…I'm so proud of him. Just, I…I have a lot of memories of him not being able to be there. Enough that…the idea I might not be here with you or our kids, it kind of bothers me."
Eyes widening, she sat up as well. "…You never told me that."
"Mm."
"I understand" she murmured, holding his hand, "…But when do you foresee yourself not being taken away by duty? Both of your jobs are subject to you not being able to make choices about where you get to be."
"Ha…that's true" he mumbled.
Rubbing his chin, Shin's brows quirked, "…Let's get at least a year under our belt, baby. I mean, time isn't some scheduled thing but at least by that point I'll be home and should be home for a while."
Lyla pouted, "Should."
"…Yea" he smiled grimly, "I'm sorry. Maybe I'm not a great husband for this."
She grunted, crawling into his lap, "You're the best husband already. This part may be tricky but it says nothing about who you are. You're trying to make the world a better place and if I had to take care of myself and the kids while you're away, I'm going to do it. I…I want to be able to be the wife that can do that."
"I know you'd be fantastic, Lyla. Guess…I really should have looked to pick a slower career path."
He embraced her, kissing her temple, "…I don't want to rush it regardless. I like us right now. And, no offense, a newborn while I have to get up at four in the morning? Daddy might not make it."
Giggling, she nipped his cheek, "Yea, you'd probably be running off to your parent's house a lot more for naps."
Snickering, he rolled his eyes around, "I would not…I'd probably be thinking about it a lot but I wouldn't do it."
Shin gave her another kiss before standing to stretch, heading for the shower. Lyla followed him, entering to rinse off. While in the small stall, she noticed Shin give her a brief look of confusion. Hmm? "What's wrong, Shin-chan?"
"…Oh, uh…nothing" he smiled, stepping out.
What now? He'd dried himself off and put on his leisure clothes by the time she finished. Sulking, she went into the living area where he was making a plate. "What, Shin?"
"Really, it's…none of my business…maybe?"
What? "Shin, just say it."
He awkwardly shrugged, going for the fridge to get out a beer, nudging it shut with his shoulder and grunting a bit. "…I mean, I guess you do most of the shopping but…I guess I just…never noticed you needing…lady things."
Lady things? She raised a brow, grabbing her plate and taking a seat across from him. "…Lady things?"
"Well…remember how I called you and was having a freakout because of Jill and her…starting her ladyhood? Like…I don't see miscellaneous products around here? Or you…needing them? I dunno, I just hope you're not playing covert ops to keep me from being dismayed or something. Sounds like something your dad would do."
…Oh. Flustering, Lyla now was the one shrugging her shoulders. "…When we broke up, I just…kind of stopped having them frequently."
"…Wha?"
Lyla pursed her lips, eating a bit of rice, "Do we have to discuss this right now?"
"…How you're not having a biological function?" Shin questioned incredulously, setting his chopsticks down, "How long?"
"I mean, they can tend to be sporadic, Shin. Sometimes they would come on time but sometimes I might miss four months out of the year."
Her husband looked horrified. "Lyla, that's not normal."
Ugh. "Shin…"
"Lyla, we're talking about having kids and you're telling me you don't regularly ovulate so we can have them!" he sulked, "Not to mention there could be something wrong. Have you been to the doctor?"
"…No. I have not been to a gynecologist yet" she muttered.
"…Ever?"
Rolling her eyes, Lyla sighed. One aggravating thing about Yagami Shin was the fact he was a doctor's son. "Lai, what the hell? Please, make an appointment and get yourself checked out."
"You want some stranger digging down there?" she leered.
"I want you here with me forever" he said seriously.
…Baka. Blushing, she nibbled her tuna before nodding, "…Okay. I'll…I'll make an appointment. I'm sure one of my friends can refer me."
Shin nodded, "I know it's awkward…I can go with you, if you want me to."
Haha, no. "No, I will face that journey alone, Yagami Shin" she stuck out her tongue, "But thank you."
He gripped her hand, bringing her knuckles to his lips, "…I love you, Lyla. You…mean the world to me so, please, I…I just want you to be okay."
Making a face and swatting at him, she reassured that he was being a worrywart like she'd been earlier. In her mind, her husband was possibly in a gang shootout and injured or worse. Apparently in his, the fact she might miss menstruating for a few months might mean she was dying.
No, not…not after getting here. Not…after finally getting exactly what she'd always dreamed about. She…couldn't lose this.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
She spoke to her roommate from college, Reiko, and asked whom she saw for her physicals. Reiko highly promoted her doctor, Dr. Shinpu Lara. She said she was a thorough young woman and a fellow 'pinky'. Lyla seemed to be meeting a few of those lately, musing that she should host dinner for Sonja and the rest of 'Sogen Ops'. According to Shin, her 'pinky' of the group just had break up number five with Aden…
Lyla didn't quite understand that. Sonja clearly loved Aden and vice versa so why did they break up so much? Shin shrugged, "They do well as friends. If I had to say, when they start over their relationship, it might be fueled more by familiarity and lust than a deep romantic bond."
…Well… Shin had smirked when she was worried about that sentiment. "We have familiarity and we can't stay out of each other's pants, sure, but we are definitely a bit more than that, Lyla. I would ask Aden if he ever looked at Sonja and envisioned a future with her. I'm almost certain he'd say no. I think about what our future could look like. What…our garden would like."
Sitting on the examination table, Lyla absently looked around. Their garden…she would like a house. The apartment was nice but she would like a literal garden too, somewhere where she could go and grow lilies and lilacs and maybe some roses. Maybe somewhere where their children could run around…
There was a dainty knock at the door and Lyla swallowed, nervous, as a young woman walked in, all smiles. "Good Afternoon, Yagami-san!"
"A-Ah, good afternoon, Shinpu-sensei."
Dr. Shinpu sat down on a stool, flipping through the information Lyla filled out. "Oh dear, you haven't had a period in two months?"
"A-Ah, yes, I-I generally don't have monthly periods" Lyla stammered.
"Since you started menstruating?"
"They…they were much more scheduled when I was younger but when I…I turned nineteen they just sort of started showing up less."
On her life, she'd never forget. When she finally got the nerve to ask Shin for something she was only supposed to receive from her husband, he was naturally reluctant. She'd only asked that he show her how to please herself since he said it was possible. He…tried to simply teach her. Perhaps the 'male enjoyment' part started to cloud his senses, he started to get excited too. If she wanted to be truthful, she had been delighted he found her arousing and…the opportunity to share that with him was too ideal to pass up.
He seemed surprised when she was aware how to pleasure him. The lesson would be described as 'insane' to anyone with an ounce of modesty or at least…perhaps thought but the male 'speaker' came into the Catholic school, proceeded to draw an erect phallus on the board, and explained exactly how to properly pleasure their husband. She still hadn't described that to Shin, he'd probably never let her do it to him again when he'd liked it then and now…
He was anxious. She was…okay. Yes, it was supposed to be with her spouse but she truly thought no one would show her how it was done correctly. She didn't think after that she'd enjoy her sex life and, well, she enjoyed sex with Shin immensely. And he definitely started to enjoy it too.
"Let me get some bloodwork, Yagami-san, then we'll take a look" Lara nodded.
Great. Lyla held her arm out as the woman started to prick her. It was that time she really started missing periods which was why she thought she was pregnant with Shin's baby. She threw up too. She realized it was from anxiety because Yagami Shin kept requesting that she be his girlfriend. She wanted to be his. Not his possession but anything to him. But she…knew.
Her beloved was prepared. In his mind, he was ready for that baby. He was going to marry her right then and there and made sure they received his benefits in case of the worst. He was going to get them a place to live and he was…he was going to be there. Never in her life would she have gotten that devotion from someone her father chose, even if they were a nice person. Parsley, Louis, they'd…they'd never have just been prepared to do what they had to because it was her. It made her nauseous right now when she remembered the look on his face when she advised she couldn't keep it if there were a baby.
…That was such a lie though. No way on Earth she would have ever been able to get rid of his baby. If she had walked into that pharmacy, bought the test, taken it, and it said 'positive', she'd have that man's toddler right now. No, she walked in, got the test, took it, and it came up as negative. Negative, Lyla. You already knew you couldn't have what you wanted. When Shin dropped her off at school, silent the whole ride back, she received a call from her father, commanding, saying to dress 'modestly', she was meeting a potential husband tomorrow. Yes, negative.
"Do you check your breasts for lumps, Yagami-san?" asked Lara as she examined them.
"…Um, not precisely but I'm…sure my husband would have noticed and said something?"
While Lyla expected the doctor to scold her, the woman looked amused. "Well, I'm sure your husband is a good backup but make sure you know how to do it too."
The woman showed her how to test for mounds that shouldn't be there, clearing her as 'free of anything outright noticeable'. Okay. Lara explained the…next part and Lyla just wanted to crawl into a hole. Ugh, why, Shin?
Because he heard you were ignoring a part of your health, dummy. Like, after catching her essentially on a coordinated date after rejecting his requests for a relationship and saying she wouldn't have his child, he still questioned if she should be moving around after her 'abortion'. He'd told her he wouldn't even ask what the results of the test were but how? He was hurt, all he'd known was she'd come out in tears. She should be relieved there was no baby. No. Shin offered her everything she could possibly want of a relationship when there was a baby on the line. And, were she actually pregnant, there was no way her father was going to risk standing. He'd have finagled it somehow to his favor and she would have been able to marry Shin. It…would have been a nightmare for her mother but it was her dream then.
Shin offered it without the baby after she explained the circumstances but…no. Without the baby, her father would…would never allow it. Shin said he wouldn't have wanted a baby to have to live through such complicated stipulations. He probably didn't see it the same way but…he got his mother out of a circumstance. From her understanding, Yagami Dana was engaged to wed young and the only reason she had everything she wanted was because Shin tipped the scales. Maybe…it wasn't all perfect in his life, of course, but…he was still the person that he was and she loved him.
She'd gone shopping with Shin before the twin's eighteenth birthday. He was leaving soon and she'd been pulled aside by her father that morning in the presence of her freshly bruised mother that she needed to cease all contact with that 'hafu bastard' immediately or her circumstances would only worsen. She begged for one more day, begged he leave her mother out of it. Bajiru spat to 'end it now' and left to probably seek his preferred mistress. He probably had other children, even.
Behind her eyes there's curtains but they've been closed to hide the flames. Remains… She knows their future's burning but she can smile just the same. Same… And though her mood is fine today, there's a fear they'll soon be parting ways…
Pearl Jam hit her like a train when they were heading home, the lyrics so true she couldn't help but dissolve into tears. Yagami Shin would have come over and beaten her father black and blue if she told him. Probably would have dangled him out of a window. But, then, none of it would have helped. They were still too young for loopholes and the man had the cards stacked against Lyla. They…had to part ways.
"…Everything looks good, Yagami-san."
Lyla opened her eyes, having tried to focus on anything besides the doctor swabbing in places only her husband and she were privy to prior. Lara had been…feeling around and her brows appeared pensive. "…I apologize, Yagami-san, I know this is your first visit and these are always uncomfortable but something feels a bit odd. I'd like to request a transvaginal ultrasound. I have to place an apparatus down there."
Oh. "Um…well, if you suspect something, please."
Lara nodded, going off to retrieve this technology. What? What felt odd? Lyla…was down there quite often, she didn't feel anything weird? Lyla was a bit disgruntled as Lara returned and got her prepped before…well, again, doing something only she'd done to herself and her husband had done to her. Ooh, Shin.
"…Oh."
…Oh? Lyla looked to the doctor, taking a breath, "…Oh?"
"It…may be difficult for you to see, Yagami-san but I'll show you" Lara murmured.
Show…show her what? Her heart racing, she followed Lara's free hand to the rolling monitor she brought. It reminded her of an ultrasound for a baby but it was just…a blur of shapes. However, Lara ran her finger around a circular shape of fuzzy white. "So that's your ovaries, Yagami-san."
"O-Oh."
Lara clicked something to zoom in, drawing around…smaller circles within the ovary. "Yagami-san, these black spaces are cysts."
Panic. God, panic. "I-Is that bad?"
"It's actually very common for young women to have polycystic ovaries, Yagami-san, and usually it's quite harmless" Lara assured, removing the ultrasound and helping Lyla sit up. "…However, in those cases, they're not as problematic because they aren't presenting any abnormalities."
Oh no. Lyla stared at her. No. "…I…Okay."
"It's a little unusual…do you have acne?" Lara asked, retaking her seat and opening her notes.
"B-Break outs here and there but not really."
Lara's brows dropped, frowning, "…Do you have unusual hair growth? You know, on your face or is it thick on your body? Hair loss? Your hair looks quite healthy though."
Hair? "No, I…I mean, I shave every other week but I roomed with another young woman and see other women, I don't think I'd say it's comparatively any thicker than theirs and not on my face…"
Tapping the pen to her forehead, Lara looked…torn. "…The fact that you're not menstruating regularly is concerning, Yagami-san, and you do have enlarged ovaries and the cysts present. I don't want to confirmatively say it's Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It's just so strange to see it without the other symptoms."
What was that? "W-What's that?" Lyla whimpered.
Lara closed her notebook, her amber eyes calm, "It's nothing to fret over, I promise you that, Yagami-san. We'll look at your bloodwork but your hormones may be imbalanced. Androgen is considered a 'male' hormone but women have it as well. With PCOS, you may have an overabundance which would cause the hair growth…however, due to your irregular periods, you may be lacking progesterone. Progesterone…well, it plays an important role in menstruation along with estrogen. When you're lacking in it, it causes the period issues and…well, because there's not enough progesterone to create the environment for a healthy egg, you may struggle to conceive."
Everything just went black.
What? What…why? "…You…you mean I won't…be able to have my husband's children?" she barely got out.
"I'm going to prescribe you a few options, Yagami-san, and we'll try to increase your progesterone level along with seeing if these cysts are having any part in that" Lara assured, "The most important thing is to raise those levels. Even if you get pregnant, you have to keep them high enough that you don't run the risk of miscarriage."
Covering her mouth, Lyla almost broke down into tears. No, no. "Don't give up on me yet, Yagami-san" Lara said seriously, "I see you want to have children so I am going to try every possible option until we have one. I truly believe we can get this right."
…Really? "…Okay."
Dr. Shinpu prescribed some supplements, insisting that Lyla remain optimistic while she just wandered out of the wing in a fog. Oh. She…she wouldn't…be able to have Shin's children at all. Dragging herself toward the elevator, she pressed the button for the ground floor, feeling faint. Negative. Again.
Entering when the door opened, she curled into the corner. There was one other person there but Lyla hadn't…thought to pay them any mind, she had too much on her own.
"…You're Lyla, correct?"
Eh? Startled out of her misery, she quickly looked up. She wasn't very tall but taller than she was with shoulder length black hair, wearing a white coat over a pink blouse with a purple skirt. Eh? "U-Um…yes."
Who was this? Was she a colleague of Shinpu-san? The woman gazed at her with dark eyes emptily. Why'd…it feel so personal then?
"…You're married to someone I consider my son but we've never met. I'm Hamasaki Ayame."
…Yaya. Standing up straight, Lyla stared at her in shock. She…had never met the woman, actually. She never came to the mansion and generally Shin would go see her alone. Last…she heard, the two weren't on good terms because…Shin married her. Bowing all the same, Lyla rambled, "O-Oh. Um, i-it's nice to meet you. Shin has spoken of you for many years."
"Yes, I've heard quite a bit about you as well."
Oh. Uncertain what else to say, Ayame instead turned her face back toward the front of the elevator, the long ride down eons longer than it ought to have been. "…Shin's well?"
"O-Oh, yes, he's-he's working. He's…a police officer now, in South Wasaba."
"So I've heard" she scoffed, "…I can't believe Yamada would even fathom being okay with that. It's a slap in the face."
Well… "…He believes in his son."
"And since when did he start believing in everyone else?"
Lyla gaped a bit, at a loss, as Ayame glared, "I don't know much about you, Yagami-san. Only that Shin, like his father, got involved with someone else that seemingly has 'rich people problems' that have nothing to do with him. I told him to be wary but now he's your husband. I don't understand the match nor do I want to. Just don't mess with my boy and wreck his life. He'll stick with you when he shouldn't and sacrifice himself to the very end foolishly. It's not worth it."
All Lyla could do was stare as the woman got off the elevator, disappearing on one of the hospital floors as the doors slowly closed behind her. Wreck…his life? Not…worth it because…
…
Standing like a statue, a chin of stone, a heart of clay. And though he's too big a man to say, there's a fear they'll soon be parting ways
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Um, Lyla…you going somewhere?"
She had tried. She ran into the apartment they chose together to start the first independent leg of their marriage and packed everything recklessly. Or tried to. By the time she pulled out the sundress he bought her for Christmas, she was in shambles and instead just collapsed on their bed, sobbing in agony. She didn't…she didn't want to leave. But she also didn't want to wreck his life. She wanted to have his children.
Somehow, she must've fallen asleep and given her husband a chance to come home to view her attempted flight. Shin looked more baffled than anything, standing in the doorway with his hands in the pockets of his uniform slacks. He looked exhausted and she'd covered the bed in clothes and junk! She was making it hard for him already. Sitting up, still in tears, she got out, "W-We have to divorce."
On Koji and Nerimaru's eighteenth birthday, at the party, Shin had pulled her aside and gave her a promise ring. Despite all her dismissals, her seeming ambivalence on wanting to be with him, he still asked to solidify a place in her life. There was something about…him not wanting her to forget him. How? How even?
They went to his room, had sex, and she was probably crying the exact same way as now when she left that ring, that promise, on his pillow. Yes. Yes, she wanted to promise and have a future with him. She wanted to be with him forever. He had made his feelings so abundantly clear and available and she'd had to say 'no'. No, no. Another no. She left because, in her ridiculous head, that was going to be enough for Shin to feel like leaving her behind. After offering her the world and her seeming dismissal, he would hate her.
No, Yagami Shin did what he'd done for her since they were children: he came to find her.
Bajiru, that man that bore her, called her lifelong best friend a quarterbreed. A quarterbreed. He belittled Shin's wonderful mother and father and the entire family. He made it seem like…like Shin wasn't even worthy of her presence and it wasn't true. It wasn't true. He'd threatened his wife to make sure Lyla stayed quiet while he just demeaned and derided the love of her life. She…got to see his hatred up close and personal then.
He left. And…he really, really left. Yagami Shin made no attempts to come see her after that. None. Even after he came back after his first tour, she caught sight of him once leaving in his car while she was being driven home from school. Those…were the worst days of her life and she spent most of them wishing she'd never been born. Or, at least, born a son. What Lyla thought was the final proof that Shin meant to have nothing to do with her was, when he left again for his year-long stint, in the airport, she'd…she'd come to see him off. He saw her…and he just turned away.
Shin sent everything she'd ever given him back over to her house. Knick knacks, CDs, mementos, the charms…what wrenched her of everything was the watch. The watch was the truest gift she'd given him. He had her picture inside of it so he…he had probably been carrying it, even. She managed to get Koji's attention one day before Shin left. He had been a bit uncertain and suspicious but she pleaded that he give Shin the watch back, at least. Koji told her to write something and Lyla managed some ridiculous message. I know you hate me. But please, keep this. And be safe. Shin's…pseudo mother was right: all she'd been was problems that didn't relate to Shin's life at all.
Saying 'we have to divorce' after all that? It should have enraged this man. Yagami Shin, three years later, snorted and walked into their adjoining bathroom. "Let me take a shower."
She was serious! Frustrated, she moved everything off of the bed regardless to give him some place to rest. She'd…go to her mother's and just…settle into solitary like the woman had been forced to do. Negatives were…all they were allowed.
Wandering out after a while with a towel around his naked shoulders, wearing a loose pair of navy flannel pajamas, he blinked languidly at her, "So why are you trying to divorce me, ladybug?"
"I'm not kidding, Shin" she glowered, hugging her knees.
"You don't love me anymore?"
Ugh. She pouted sulkily at him. He knew damn well she would never be able to say that. He smiled some, scrunching his hair, "Tell me what's the matter."
"…I went to the doctor today" she whispered.
Oh, now he was serious. His blue eyes widened and he quickly dropped the towel, coming over to her, "What? What's the matter? What happened?"
Swiping at her eyes, she trembled and he seethed, embracing her in his arms, "Damn it, I-I knew I should have pushed to go with you. What is it? What do we need to do?"
'We'… "S-She said that…that I have cysts in my ovaries. She said it's 'normal' if it asymptomatic b-but because I have infrequent periods that there's-there's a chance I'm low in progesterone a-and, as a result, I might not be able to conceive."
Shin looked startled as she wept, "A-And that's why you need to let me go. It's one thing after another with me. You deserve someone without all these-these stupid issues."
"Lyla, last night I got up after having a flashback where I cut someone's throat and couldn't sleep and went to watch television on the couch" Shin said bluntly.
…Oh. Wincing, she pressed her chin to her knees, whispering, "R-Right, I…I shouldn't…shouldn't be complaining. My issues are small in comparison."
"That's not what I'm saying at all" Shin groaned, exasperated, stroking her hair, "No. That's not what I mean. I mean to say that…that nothing you throw at me going forward will make me leave you, Lyla. I have problems and you're…you're not one of them and you never will be."
…She felt angry. For some reason, she felt angry. Pulling away, she gritted her teeth, "Stop lying. I might not be able to have your children."
Shin scratched the back of his neck, looking a little…strange. "What? You don't want children? With as many people as there are in your family?"
"With as 'many people as there are in my family', I am bound to have a couple nieces and nephews, Lyla. I would love to have children with you, Lai, don't think I'm saying that. I'm just…I just almost lost you before and us maybe not being parents one day isn't a dealbreaker for me. If I was sterile, would…would it be a dealbreaker for you?"
"You're not."
"As far as you know" he scoffed, "I'm on medication, Lyla, some side effects are I'm not quite as virile as I can be. If the meds I need to cope took my ability to get you pregnant away, would you just…leave?"
Lyla swallowed, staring into his crystal eyes. Baka. "…No, Yagami Shin, I would not."
Kissing her tenderly, he curled on his side, pulling her to lie with him. "Your doctor gave you replacement hormones though, right? We can always get a second opinion."
"…Yes, but Shin…Shin, I want you to be a father" she whispered.
"And there's options for that, Lyla" he insisted, wrapping her hair around his fingers, "Adoption, the fertilization services, a surrogate. And if none of those sound appealing to you, let's get a puppy."
Lyla sulked, "…We'd age slower than a puppy, I'd be devastated."
"Understandable."
She hugged his waist, her eyes closing some. "…I don't know if I believe you, Shin. I don't know if I believe you're okay with me being…being barren."
Shin yawned into the back of his hand, resting his head near hers, "If I understand your father, he placed a high value on what it was you could do as a woman, what you were 'supposed' to do as a woman. If all that he plotted befell you, and this came up when he was trying to marry you off? He'd belittle you, make you feel worthless, for something that's not in your control physically. I told you early, Mrs. Yagami, that I don't have criteria for you. I want you to be healthy, happy, and here with me until the end. That's it."
…Okay. "…Can…can you at least not give up on it either? Like…I appreciate you…you not getting upset or mad but can…can you try to be a bit gung-ho in us trying to reverse it?"
"Of course" he assured, kissing her forehead, "I…I don't want it to sound like that either, Lai. I am a hundred percent going to be with you on resolving this. I just…I just don't want it to kill you, me, or us if we hit a wall."
… 'We'. "…I ran into Yaya."
Her husband was falling asleep but his blue eyes opened again with this, his brows furrowing. "…Wha'?"
"Your Yaya. She…recognized me in the elevator after I got my diagnosis."
Turning onto his back, Shin rubbed his face and dragged his fingers to drag his eyes. "…Do I…want to know what she said to you?"
"Do you?"
"…Ugh. Yes. What did she say to you?"
… "She was very nice" Lyla smiled, sitting up, "You take a nap, I'll clean up my mess."
"Lyla" he droned, "Yaya managed to make me cry last time I talked to her, I greatly doubt she was 'very nice' to you."
Picking up her racks of clothes, she started to hang them back in the closet. It was…funny, really. Communication had always been her family's nonpoint, they…they didn't have the skill because they weren't allowed to communicate, only to be commanded. She was okay with it as a ignorant child but the second she became aware her words had severe consequences, it fell to the way side. But…with Shin, it was always strong. It was always her that brought that weak link because she wasn't used to it. The fact was, though, he…he always made her feel better. If she'd called him right after that appointment, she probably would have felt better.
At Christmas, Akiyama Joe, Shin's childhood friend from Wasaba, said the most impressive attribute of Shin's was he always had a pragmatic head and planned two steps ahead. It made a person feel more…confident in even dire circumstances. Komari, Shin's other best friend, said it was true given it's what saved them. Now, he had calmed her down and Lyla had to put away all her possessions. Yea, Shin was her first call now.
"Ly-laaaa."
She groaned, dropping her head back, "…She said she had heard all about me. She asked how you were doing, I told her you were working as an officer in South Wasaba, she said she'd heard, and can't believe your dad backed it and it was a slap in the face."
"Uh huh…" Shin droned dryly, lying on his side and propped up on his elbow.
"I said that Yamada believes in his son, she said something along the lines of 'when did he start believing in everyone else'."
Shin rolled his eyes, lying down on his back again. "So, just talking shit about my dad again, huh? Figures. She didn't say anything about you though?"
She hesitated. It was a social queue that clued to Shin she was trying to fabricate something and it was too late. He looked at her evenly and she mumbled, "She said…I don't know much about you—me. She said you were like your dad and got involved with someone with 'rich people problems' that don't have anything to do with you. She said she told you to be wary but you married me anyway. She doesn't understand how we got together, why, and she doesn't care how or why we got together. She said, verbatim 'Just don't mess with my boy and wreck his life'. She said you will stick with me when you shouldn't and sacrifice yourself and, basically, I'm not worth it."
"And I don't have to tell you that's all bull, I hope?"
"…Sometimes."
He waved her over and she wandered closer, sitting on the bed. Her best friend snuggled her to his body and kissed her sweetly. He was so sappy, she loved it. "I know, Shin. You've always been good to me."
"…It's so hard, Lyla" he whispered, "Granted, I've…I've been back with my mother far longer, my…my first five years of life, that woman was with me every single day. She is…like my mother too and she…she's acting like she'd rather be my enemy right now."
Lyla swallowed that, stroking his hair back, "…She's concerned about you, like a parent would be, Shin. Just your mama and papa have always been ultimately supportive. She's not there to see you all the time to know where your state of mind is."
"I know. I just…need her to trust me. And not judge my wife and especially not right after she got some pretty heavy news. You were in a damn hospital, she didn't know why you were there" he snarled.
Smoothing his brow, she kissed him sweetly, "Take a nap while I clean the rest of this up and I'll start dinner."
"Let's go out to dinner…I saw this venue for our wedding I wanted you to see when I was riding with my partner" he mumbled.
… "…Sounds wonderful, Shin."
She sat up, staring out into the Summer sunlight and folded her hands. When she was just turning sixteen, her father offered her first potential spouse. His name was Parsley and she dreaded with her whole heart the aspect. She'd just given Shin the watch because she…she had very little in the way of expectations.
When she met Parsley, he was kindhearted and not rude and she was…wondering what the deal was. What was the plot? Why would…her father choose someone so sweet in demeanor or was it a guise? As she aged, she realized that Parsley would probably gladly leave the house to her father without pushback and he had his own trust fund so he wouldn't even be seeking the estate. Okamoto Bajiru was looking for pushovers.
But, she'd been thrilled. Maybe it'd be okay. That's all she was looking for then: okay. Parsley was okay and she was 'okay' with that. She remembered telling Shin all about Parsley, eager to get him excited about this average partner. He smiled and listened like he always did. She did recall, however, the brief look of 'oh no' on his face when she requested that Shin meet him. He didn't turn her down but she could tell he hadn't actually wanted to…why though?
Parsley had picked her up, taking her to the French restaurant her father liked to make deals at because it seemed sophisticated. The food wasn't that great and the staff effected supposed French 'snootiness' because they might have seen it that way on television. Lyla informed the hostess that they would have a third person joining them, his name was Yagami Shin, and he would ask for their party. The woman nodded and Lyla had been waiting in excitement. She…she had wanted Shin and Parsley to get along because this…this was the okay option. It was the best she was going to have.
Maybe fifteen minutes later, the hostess approached the table, her face a bit cool. She questioned if a 'foreigner' was going to be joining them. A foreigner? Parsley had been confused and Lyla had questioned what she meant. "You said 'Yagami Shin' but he doesn't look like anyone with that name. He has bizarre eyes."
Just like Hanna. Lyla did recall in the back of her mind that Parsley was sitting right there so she should be on her meekest and softest behavior. Without really the filter she generally had, she countered, "He looks the way he was born to look and that's not any of your business. You were told I was looking for 'Yagami Shin', not to try to gatekeep my guest's natural appearance. Bring him back immediately."
God. God, she was being mean to the workers and she hated that with a passion but she'd literally advised 'Yagami Shin' and she tries to police the person saying their name was 'Yagami Shin'. Parsley had seemed surprised and amused by her unusual outburst, for whatever reason. The hostess had blanched, nodding, and running off quickly. Shin had appeared not a minute later, looking calm because he…he didn't take things like that badly most of the time the way he should. People…questioned him but she was only questioned of her appearance by her father who balked that he had to 'find someone that will take you for how ugly you are'.
Shin was always mannerable, speaking with Parsley while she still was irritated over his mistreatment. That…that was the first straw. Then, Shin announced that he wasn't certain the path to being a doctor was for him. She…she was of course concerned because with her best friend, the sky was the limit if that was off the table. When she tried to insist maybe he just…hadn't seen the right things, Parsley rebutted, pretty ironically 'you know pretty quickly what's not right for you'. That…was straw number two.
…Parsley was 'okay' for her. But that was it. 'Okay'. He didn't ignite her passions and she had a passing attraction to him. It was more like seeing a moderately attractive actor and thinking they were cute. It…wasn't his fault, no, but…if she were perfectly honest, when she got home and received that letter from him indicating his deep apologies and true intentions, she was only upset that 'okay' was out of the window, leaving room for 'terrible'. When Shin came to found her as usual, he pretty much…confirmed Parsley's words: 'okay' wasn't going to be close to right for her.
Because she'd been unable to defend Shin that one time, it….ended everything. What was 'right for her'. She just…basked in the fact that he was okay. The hatred, it bothered her to her core, yes, but…even if he was right for her, back then, she just didn't think she'd have 'right'.
There would never be a word available for the feeling. One of her classmates had been reading the paper before they started some inane lesson on doing dishes. Lyla had just been looking at the outside page when the headline caught her attention. 'Local Soldiers Missing in Action'. It didn't hit her. She read the smaller print. When Yagami Shin's name appeared in the list of those missing, it felt like she got smashed apart.
She had left. She got up and ran out of the room. Buying her own paper, she felt herself descending into…madness, perhaps. It in fact had a military picture of him, stoic. She kept reading it over and over again: Yagami Shin (21) of Subami was declared missing in action by the Armed Forces after a routine supply mission did not arrive at Idra Base. At this time, crash debris have not been located and is suspected to have gone down into the Mediterranean Sea.
Lyla took the bus back to Subami, almost running to the Yagami mansion. Nelly, Koji, and Jill were sitting in the living room in varying degrees of misery and she pleaded for information. Nelly told her that…they'd called and said they'd been looking for the plane for five days but couldn't find it. They…they had Shin now listed as 'dead'. Dead. Deceased. Gone. Minused out of life. Negative.
Even now, she found herself getting choked up. She could have comfortably died for at least a few weeks after that. The last time she saw the love of her life, he looked at her like…like she had hurt him, like he stopped caring because it seemed like she had stopped caring. He died without knowing he meant the absolute world to her and she only could dream of everything he'd given and offered to be hers, a positive to her life of denials. He died thinking she…she thought any of those things her father said.
Livid, she ran to her mansion. It was too late. It was just too damn late but she screamed. "He's GONE. He-he's GONE and you TOOK HIM FROM ME! He's DEAD and he thought I'm the kind of monster that you are! He thought I HATED HIM because that's all you have to give: HATE. You took EVERYTHING from me!"
Bajiru had threatened to smack her if she didn't 'be quiet'. Lyla spat, "DO IT. I don't care anymore!"
She had nothing to lose. He smacked her to knock her back into her place but she truly didn't care anymore: she took a hard swing at him too. Nothing mattered whatsoever. The man that fathered her had been stunned senseless and her mother came to hold her back, insisting that it wasn't appropriate. The same as it hadn't been appropriate he'd been beating her mother for her whole life either. No, she…she decided then she had no 'place' anymore. She had absolutely nothing now.
She'd had so little to begin with but one by one, it was plucked away. Her own self-interests, her own self-dignity, her sense of self, her own autonomy…then to persecute and make her look like a terrible human being to the only man she'd ever love and he died thinking she was some hollow awful monster that only used him? Led to believe this by the man that kept this power by beating her mother? The one moment she couldn't defend Shin and now…? Now, he was gone forever?
It…wasn't worth it.
Pressing her hands to her mouth, she shut her eyes, trembling. She wasn't sure what got her through that time. Under different circumstances, she'd have gone off and perhaps drank herself to death or overdosed, perhaps. She went back to school and just…muddled her way through life. Her father didn't' communicate with her and her mother insisted that she just…try to move on and cope. Easy…for her to say. If…anything her mother wouldn't understand, it was how it felt to love a man and then losing him to his kind ambitions. And losing him when he hated her and she loved him so much.
When school was completed around a half a year later, Lyla coldly went back home. She had no 'choice', as the man called and said his normal threats to her mother's personage. That's all Lyla had left: her mother. Or…so she thought.
Being at home for that one day had been hell itself. Her father invoked power on her mother alone. Apparently her punch to the jaw must've scared him enough to not push it with her but…the woman that had been long battered and broken would never touch him. Okamoto Lillian, as horrible as it was to say, was the weak link he meant to exploit to keep her in place, to solidify the fortune of others. He didn't care…about anyone but himself.
Lyla had almost wished they cut the little path where she and Shin used to play down. The memory killed her and robbed her of numbness, the detachment from this she needed to make it. Walking down that lane, she just tucked away and sat there for some hours, reminiscing and hating herself more than anything. She…she couldn't speak of weak links, she was one too.
A rustle. It was the rustle of a person entering the little domain that used to be hers and Shin's. She looked up and found a familiar body turning away. It was unusual for Koji but maybe he just…wanted a place to think. She remembered asking him if everything was all right. He was so strangely optimistic that Shin would be back last she saw him, it…it was heartbreaking. Koji had had so much happen to him, to…to lose his older brother too?
Shin made sure she got to go to her first concert. Nirvana. He made sure she got to wear her first outfit that made her feel like she had an identity and made sure she was comfortable with that. When they went to the hall, she feared the…journey. She didn't get to make journeys, after all, she was trapped for the most part. Except, when she was with him. Yagami Shin offered his hand that day and it…it had never failed to be available to her until she was forcibly detracted.
'Koji' had stopped. He seemed to be shaking and she went up to grasp his hand to give him comfort. Maybe it was just setting in.
…It was callused. A bit hardened and scarred. But, something about it felt…like what part of her life she'd been able to have. The presence, the aura…? It felt…like the home he'd given her.
Delusional, maybe? That was her first thought, she was finally losing her mind. She squeezed a little tighter but more and more it felt like a hand she never thought she'd get to touch again. The fear in…in facing this spirit that came to their jungle. She had to see though. Coming to face him, her heart stopped when she was met by the ocean of blue she thought she'd never see again.
His face had been so tired and haggard, a mixture of somehow pale and tanned He had scars on his face too, what was showing of his hair down to his shoulders. Even the eyes seemed…off, perhaps just a hint too dark from what she'd framed in her memory. Just…she… "…Shin?"
His voice murmured back like silk: "…Hey, Lai."
God, it just couldn't have been. Not after having everything in her life taken away. Not after everything was she finally—finally given something back. She had touched his face, trying to get rid of this hallucination but instead he touched her hands, closed his eyes. He…
She couldn't believe. She couldn't. Speak of faith, and she had none. She'd never had any, she wasn't even sure what that meant. She could only break down in the suffering of it all and he took her inside, explaining. He explained how he hadn't crashed in the ocean, that he fought the entire time. He made his way back and he…he held her, insisted that, despite it all, in spite of it all, he never hated her.
She…couldn't believe it.
He looked like he had a world of suffering behind his eyes. The same Shin he'd always been, he was more concerned about what she thought despite him never being anything but a genuine person that cared for her. Her baka. She kissed him and he kissed back in relief, like there'd been some question on who was supposed to despise who here. Her silly, silly Shin…
He explained the circumstance, that he was supposed to be in hiding, but she'd heard what she needed to hear: he wanted her to stay. Yes, it was selfish, self-centered, maybe…maybe even egotistical but she heard what she wanted to hear. She wasn't certain what she'd need to do…but she wasn't leaving Yagami Shin again. Even…even when she went back to her home after her father sent that message indicating she was 'out of her mind' and needed to 'think about someone other than herself', she had no intention of staying. She…she was done just accepting 'terrible' and 'okay'.
She…she only wanted 'right'. And Yagami Shin was beyond 'right', he was perfect. He tried to explain how different he was now. Did it hurt that she couldn't snuggle up with him spontaneously now? Or that sometimes, yes, like last night, he'd get out of bed and go sleep on the couch? Of course. It hurt to see the man she loved suffering with something he couldn't physically fight because he'd been scarred by doing the right thing. The right thing though. She would…she wouldn't ever see him as less than perfect for his issues.
Stretching, she stood and went back to putting her things back together. She was going to work on it. She was willing to stand up for Shin but she…she needed to stand up for herself too. She had dreams, she had goals, she had an identity—she was a valuable person and she…she was valid. Maybe not to her father, maybe not to Shin's Yaya, but she…she was worth it not only to Yagami Shin but she…she was worthy to herself. She'd…she'd get to have a wedding with the man she chose, she'd have his children—or maybe, she wouldn't. It was okay.
No, she'd…been taught to accept 'okay'. After every trial and toil, this? This was more than okay.
Next time? She would stand up for this proudly. This…this was worth everything.