Freedom's Just Another Word

by snarcasm318

A/U: College is supposed to be their first taste of freedom, but for the last year Gail Peck had real freedom. Now she's back, within the grasp of her controlling parents, and forced to face the nightmares she's tried to leave behind. She's used to dealing with it alone, but does she have to?

22. Chapter 22

Ch. 22

A/N: Thank you, my dear readers, for the wonderful reviews and PMs I've received, as well as you taking the time to read and support this story. I had expected to post this chapter much sooner, but to make up for leaving you in suspense I'm giving you well over 25k words.

So I'm pretty sure I promised some hurt/comfort like eight chapters ago. I think it's time I keep up my word. There is plenty of hurt, and this chapter is darker than the rest, so warnings and such...

---

"Oliver."

One word and it felt like Gail's entire world had come screeching to a halt around her. The blood rushed to her head, thundering in her ears to the point that she couldn't hear the next few words out of Steve's mouth even though she could see his lips moving as he handed her her boots and jacket. She fumbled with the objects, trying hard to control her shaking hands and wobbly legs enough to put them on. She could barely feel the keys Steve was shoving into her hand before pulling her out the door.

When both Steve and Oliver signed up for the force right out of college, Gail had forced them to make her a promise: if anything were to happen to one of them, the other would be the one to tell her. She didn't want some random officer, or worse: her parents, to be the one to break the news to her. By that point Oliver had felt like a brother as much as (and sometimes even more than) Steve, so she had argued it was the least they could if they were going to put their lives in danger on a daily basis. The boys back then had been foolishly arrogant, denying that it would ever come to that. They were young, strong, and healthy, causing them to feel untouchable. But the blonde had been insistent, so they made promises they hoped they would never have to keep. Some of their male bravado had worn off once they actually donned the uniform and vests, with their guns clipped to their sides, and finally being forced to face the reality of the oath they had taken. A reality that didn't hit them until they were chasing perps down the streets of Toronto, being chastised on a daily basis by TOs, and just hoping they didn't do anything to disgrace the badge they both wore so proudly.

Steve had honestly never thought that he would have to keep his promise to his sister so soon. But here he was: behind the wheel of his squad, still wearing his bloody and torn uniform, driving quickly (but not speeding) to the hospital and being forced to explain to Gail how the last two days had gone so horribly wrong.

"What do you mean someone was targeting the police?" Gail couldn't believe what her brother was telling her. Growing up they both had looked at those uniforms as symbols of power and strength. She could vaguely remember her parents wearing them before they took on the white shirts they wear just as proudly now. She knew the uniforms meant her family would have to put themselves in harm's way, but something about them made them seem special, almost like superheroes. Yes, she had grown up and become disillusioned with the notion with as much intensity as her brother had become enamored with it, but she still didn't want to think of someone purposefully hunting down the blues.

"Remember the kidnappers you and Oliver had caught a few weeks ago?" Steve took his eyes off the road for a second to watch as Gail nodded before focusing his attention back to the moving streets. "We had reason to believe that the guy had been working with other people in some perverted kidnapping ring. There were leads on some guy, but it turned out he was innocent, his brother had been the one involved, only we didn't know it at the time. One of our officers had taken the case personally and went rogue trying to prove that he was connected to the kidnapping and murder of a child that lived near him. He was harassed by the officer and even attacked by one of his neighbors and the guy snapped. He started hunting down the officers he believed had targeted him."

"And Oliver was on his list."

"He was one of many. We received fake calls to crimes and he would open fire on the responding officers. He went to elaborate lengths including setting up a dummy in the park to look like a dead body, hiding out in abandoned buildings...the works."

Gail was pretty sure she already knew the answer, but she asked anyway, "You were one of the officers shot at, weren't you?"

"Yes."

It sent a chill down her spine, thinking that she could have been on her way to the hospital for Steve as well...or worse. She tried to push the thoughts out of her head for now; she could let them tear her apart later. She wanted to know more about what happened to Ollie. "So...what? Oliver got shot responding to one of the calls?"

Steve hesitated, keeping his eyes focused on the road in front of him. He cleared his throat, "Ahhh...umm...not exactly."

Gail knew her brother well; whatever he wasn't saying had to be really bad, but she wasn't one to mince words, "What aren't you telling me, Steve?"

"The guy tried to set up a trap to take out a lot of us at once." Steve hesitated again, but he knew his sister would find out eventually, "He used Oliver as bait."

"What do you mean he used Oliver as bait?"

"We still aren't sure how he managed to do it, but he kidnapped Oliver and brought him to a church that his father used to own. We were able to surprise him before he could detonate any of the explosives, or carry out the rest of his plan, but he managed to shoot Oliver before we got to him."

Just when she thought it wasn't possible, her stomach plummeted further. Not only had Oliver been shot, but he had been kidnapped as well. "Why Oliver?" She hadn't realized she had spoken the words aloud until she heard Steve responding.

"Oliver had been the first officer to question him in the kidnapping."

Her shock quickly shifted into anger and incredulity. "So he was shot for just doing his job?"

Steve grimly nodded.

Things still weren't adding up. Cops don't just get grabbed in broad daylight, dressed in their uniforms. "Where was his partner when all of this was going down?"

Steve was saved from answering as they pulled up in front of the hospital. "Come on, Noelle brought Celery, and she's going to need someone who's not in uniform for support."

Gail knew she would have to wait for answers to the rest of her questions because right then she owed it to Oliver to be there for the girl he loved. It was the least she could do.

---

"Celery!" Steve called out as they spotted the nervously pacing girl wearing a hole into the floor in the waiting room. Officers were occupying most of the space around her, making the pale-faced, darkly dressed woman stand out even more.

Celery quickly turned to the pair of Pecks, "Gail! Steve! They won't tell me anything." Her voice, laced with desperation, was a far cry from the ethereal tone she usually spoke with.

Noelle, who had been standing next to Celery, spoke up, "We'll see what we can find out." She nodded to Steve and the two officers headed to the nurses' station to see if they could throw around the brotherhood card for some kind of update.

"Where are his parents?" Gail asked as she tried to steer Celery to a couple of open seats, worried that the anxious woman would buckle soon under the stress. The officers quickly made space for them.

"On their way, but it's going to be a while until they can get here."

Gail had already slipped the Peck game-face back on. She kept her voice calm and steady, "Do you have any idea what happened?"

"I don't know, there was this guy outside of our place, just sitting out in some van watching it. So I went out to see what he wanted, and he grabbed my arm, and started ranting about how 'he should have been home because of everything that happened.' He took off when some neighbors came over. I tried to call Oliver, but he wasn't answering his phone so I went to the station to find him. And...I don't know... They had me stay there, and the next thing I know Noelle is telling me we have to go to the hospital. It's all my fault."

"How is it your fault?"

"If I hadn't called him, he wouldn't have been at the house."

"It's not your fault that some lunatic was targeting him. It's Oliver, there's no way he wouldn't have been front and center trying to take this guy down. It's just who he is."

"Gail, I can't lose him." Celery's voice broke with the words as her face dropped to her hands to stem the flow of fresh tears.

"Hey, hey," Gail placed her hand on Celery's shoulders, moving it in what she hoped was a soothing manner, "Oliver made you a promise, didn't he?"

The slightly older girl nodded, trying to breathe deeply and wiping at her face. "Yeah."

"What was it?" Gail kept her voice soft and low. It was nothing like how she normally addressed people, but Oliver wasn't people and Celery, by association, wasn't either.

Celery's voice was shaky, "That he would always do his best to come home."

"He made me the same promise and Oliver always keeps his promises." She spoke with absolute conviction that there was no way Oliver would go down without a fight. There really was no other option.

Celery nodded trying to accept the words as the truth.

"Can I get you anything?" It felt awkward to ask, but Gail was pretty sure it's what people did when they were trying to be helpful.

"No, thank you." She reached out and squeezed Gail's unoccupied hand.

The two girls sat quietly together; lost in thoughts about the man they each loved in their own way, the person that neither was ready to say good-bye to. It was too soon. Things like this weren't supposed to happen to good people like Oliver. Except they both knew that this was exactly how the world worked. The universe sucked. (Okay, maybe that was more of a reflection of Gail's general outlook, but right then, Celery could agree with it.)

Suddenly, it felt like air had been sucked out of the room as the spine of every officer stiffened when the clickety-clack of the Superintendent's heels echoing on the linoleum floors drew them to attention. Even Celery's eyes widened at the sight of the commanding presence.

"Officer Peck." The elder Peck addressed her son as she strode past him and down the hallway towards an area away from the others.

Steve followed his mother dutifully, while Noelle continued to talk to the nurses behind the desk. Gail watched where they went; she waited a beat before getting up to follow them as well. If her mother was there, something was very wrong.

"I'll be back." Gail offered and Celery nodded mutely in return.

She may have been a few steps behind, but it wasn't long before she could make out their quiet voices.

"Why was Officer Shaw alone?" The Superintendent had already begun the interrogation of her son.

"We had just finished up the report for one of the calls we had received, and Oliver had multiple calls from his girlfriend who was upset about something at home. He said that he was just going to run over quickly to see what she needed."

"But why, as his partner, were you not with him?" There was an accusation in the tone rivaling that of Internal Affairs.

Gail heard her brother take a breath and shift his position a bit. She couldn't see him, but she was sure he was struggling to maintain eye contact with their mother, who was definitely using one of her infamous withering stares to exact the truth from him. She had to admit that she was curious too about why Steve wasn't with Oliver if the two had been partnered.

"I had been talking to Guns and Gangs about the taskforce ma'am. Oliver told me to stay so I could speak to Donovan." Steve's tone was dripping with guilt.

The Superintendent sighed deeply and rubbed circles at her temples as she processed the explanation. She looked up and met her son's worried blue eyes with her own weathered ones. "Alright, Steven, this is how this mess is going to play out. If anyone asks, you are to tell them that you were still doing paperwork when Officer Shaw left on his own without your knowledge. He took your squad for a personal reason, but you had no idea where he was going. Do you understand?" Her tone made it clear that there was only one acceptable answer.

Steve buckled under the weight of his parents' expectations. "Yes ma'am," he agreed quietly.

Gail could feel a white hot rage pulse through her as she listened to her own family plan to lay the blame on Oliver. She couldn't keep quiet any longer, "Are you kidding me?" She stepped into view of her mother and brother and fixed them both with a glare.

"Gail, what are you doing here?" The Superintendent looked genuinely surprised to see her daughter at the hospital, she clearly hadn't noticed her when she first walked in.

Typical.

But Gail was too busy turning her focus onto her brother to answer her mother's question. "You were his partner and you let Oliver get taken because you were too busy kissing ass to go with him?" She couldn't believe that of all the people to let her favorite person down it was her own brother, the Peck.

"Gail..." Steve wanted to explain, but their mother cut him off.

"That's enough young lady. You shouldn't even be here."

"No, you shouldn't be here coaching Steve on how to throw Oliver under the bus."

"I am the Superintendent of this division, and your mother. You will show me respect, and not second guess me."

But for once, Gail wasn't backing down; she couldn't listen to the hypocrisy any longer. "What happened to everything you taught us? What about duty and honor? What about always backing up your partner?" She threw each question at her mother like a dagger.

But the older woman refused to be baited and kept the professional tone that Gail had heard far too many times in her life. "You can't back up your partner when you don't know what he's doing."

"But Steve did and now you're just going to spin it just like you try to do to everything." Gail felt a twist in her gut as she remembered when her mother had tried to spin the story of what had happened to her two years ago. She tried to refocus on her anger.

"Your father and I agree that we need to look out for this family's best interests. Officer Shaw was a hero, harmed in the line of duty, the backlash for investigating a personal concern will be minimal considering his girlfriend was clearly in danger."

"By lying."

"By not having your brother draw unwanted attention to himself. He is a young officer and does not need to have any negative connotations with his name. It doesn't matter if you agree or not, you are to keep this conversation within this family." The woman fixed her daughter with a look telling her that any dissent would not be tolerated. Steve nodded, but Gail just continued to scowl at her mother. When she didn't open her mouth to argue further, the Superintendent decided that was enough of an agreement at the moment. She could always corner her daughter later. "Now, I need to finish speaking with your Sergeant then I have to get back to the station for damage control with the public. I expect you both will do as you've been told." The Superintendent didn't wait for a response before turning on her heels and heading back into the thick of uniforms, making a beeline straight for the one in white.

They both watched until their mother was immersed in conversation before Steve turned to his sister, filled with remorse. "Gail..."

But the blonde held up her hand to cut him off, "Save it, Steve." She could barely stand to look at him.

"Just let me explain."

"Explain what? It's Oliver, Steve. He saved my life and you..." The words caught and she bit the inside of her cheek, trying to breathe through the lump in her throat so she could finish what she was saying. Gail could feel the tears pooling in her eyes, but she blinked them away. "You couldn't even have his back when it's your fucking job." Her brother, her own brother, was the person assigned to stop things like this from happening, but Steve had been too busy being the Peck golden boy to protect one of the few genuinely good people in this world. "Always have your partner's back, Steve. How many times did we have to hear those words growing up?"

"I know, Gail. I messed up and I feel awful about it. But how was I supposed to know that the guy would be waiting at Oliver's house?"

"You couldn't have, but you should have been there anyway. And you definitely shouldn't lie about why you weren't."

"Gail, what I am supposed to do?"

"Be the person I thought you were." Steve's entire demeanor crumpled at his sister's words.

Before their argument could escalate further, a voice interrupted them. "Hey, I came as soon as I heard." Both Pecks turned to face Holly who had come jogging over to them, slightly breathless.

Gail was shocked to see the brunette. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard about Oliver. How is he?"

"Still in surgery. The doctor's aren't really saying anything to us since none of us are technically family." Steve explained. He had already restored the Peck coat of stoicism.

"It's bullshit. We're all his family." Gail added, she was still angry and was doing nothing to hide it.

Holly nodded, "Do you know what type of surgery?"

"The bullet lodged in his chest. The guy who had him took off his vest." Steve winced at the look his sister gave him. She still didn't know all the details of the abduction and shooting. He knew it was really only going to get worse once she found out.

"Rachel's dad is a cardiothoracic surgeon here, I can see if he's working the case, or if he can find something out for me." Holly stepped away to try to find the doctor, clipping her medical student badge to her clothes. It usually helped. Doctors and nurses, like most professions, took care of their own.

Once the brunette stepped away, Gail turned back to Steve. "How did she hear?"

"I texted her."

"Why?"

Steve shrugged, "Thought it might help for her to be here."

"What about everyone else?" Everyone else, meaning all the people she lived with, people who were good friends with Oliver too.

"We'll tell them eventually. We can't have them all here waiting too." The waiting room was packed with uniforms, every seat was taken, and every wall had multiple people leaning against it. But in the center of the blues was Celery seated next to a very solemn-looking Noelle.

Oliver had gushed about his (former) TO to Gail. She knew how much he respected her, how she had saved his ass a time or two, but mostly, how she kicked his ass on a nearly daily basis to ensure that he became a great officer. Because that's what Oliver was: a great officer, and more importantly a great man. And now her family was willing to throw mud onto his name just to keep her brother's hands clean. She felt another wave of nausea just thinking about it. She could barely look in Steve's direction.

"So, it looks like Rachel's dad is the doctor performing surgery. It's going to be awhile for them to remove the bullet and repair whatever damage there is. But when he comes out he'll update us." Holly explained once she returned. She was speaking to both Pecks, but her eyes seemed to linger longer on the blonde one.

"Thanks, Holls." Holly nodded at Steve before turning her attention back to Gail.

"I gotta umm..I gotta try to get coverage for my shift." Really Gail just needed to not be near her brother right then. So she stepped outside to call Charlie. After explaining to her boss that she had a family emergency she offered to call Traci to see if she would cover. But the normally ornery man told her not to worry and assured her that he would take care of it. He told her to let him know if she needed to rearrange any of her other shifts for the week. Gail understood that it was his way of showing that he cared so she thanked him and hung up. She rested her back against the building; taking a moment to herself, not ready just yet to go back in.

It was freezing outside. The weather had finally taken a turn for the arctic and her leather jacket barely provided any protection against the cutting wind. She shivered slightly, but the way the cold burned her lungs as she took a deep breath felt refreshing. She stayed out there, leaning against the cold bricks, trying to sort out the jumbled mess in her head so she could go in there and be the rock Celery needed.

She heard a swoosh as the sliding doors opened, but didn't bother looking to see who it was.

"Hey." Holly greeted softly as she spotted the profile of the blonde leaning against the building.

"Hey." Gail replied quietly as she continued to stare up at the sky.

"Did you get coverage?"

"Yep."

Holly crossed her arms, hugging her jacket closer to her body to stave off the cold. "Are you planning on coming back in?"

Gail nodded, but showed no indication that she planned on moving any time soon. She cleared her throat and asked, "Where were you before this?"

"I had just gotten to the lab when I heard about the shootings but didn't know who was involved until Steve texted me." At Gail's confused look, Holly added, "I've been interning with the forensic pathologists."

"Not going to the clinic anymore?"

"Cut it down to only Tuesdays. Wouldn't want to disappoint them by not showing up." The reminder of Gail's absence hung heavily.

"Sorry, I haven't gone, between the station and work I uh...haven't had much time." She knew it was a lame excuse so she wasn't surprised when Holly just shrugged. There was an awkward silence between them before Gail finally pushed herself off the wall, "I should probably go back in and see if Celery needs anything."

As she went to pass Holly, the brunette reached out and gently grabbed her arm, but she quickly let go once the blonde stopped. "Do you need anything?"

"A time machine."

A slight smile that quirked to the side graced Holly's lips as she spoke, "I'll grab the DeLorean out of the garage."

Despite the comfort that came from bantering with Holly and seeing that smile, Gail couldn't stop herself from asking, "What are you doing here, Holly?" The words were low and harsher sounding than she intended, but she couldn't take them back.

Holly's smile dropped, as did her eyes. She couldn't maintain eye contact, not when those electric blues were staring so intently at her. She reached up to adjust her glasses, but kept her focus on the concrete below her feet. "I heard about Oliver, and he's my friend, so..." She trailed off lamely as she looked back up.

"Not here." Gail gestured to the building. "Here." She gestured between the two of them. She wanted to know what Holly was doing outside talking to her when the last time they spoke Gail had been particularly hurtful.

"I umm..." Holly took a breath to fortify herself before launching into one of her rambles, deciding to just spill out her thoughts instead of rewording them a thousand times in her head, "I just thought I should come out and make sure you're okay or something...I-I know how close the two of you are and I just didn't want you to have to go through this alone. I know that you don't want us to be anything, that we aren't even really friends anymore, but I can't help caring about you. I haven't stopped caring. But if you want me to leave, I-"

Gail couldn't resist launching herself at Holly, pulling her into a fierce hug, clinging to her desperately, even before the brunette had finished saying the words. Surprisingly, Holly didn't stiffen in the embrace or push the blonde away, though Gail wouldn't have been able to blame her if she had. Instead, Holly wrapped her arms around her and held her close. Anchoring her, but still keeping her afloat.

"I'm really glad that you're here." Gail whispered; she could taste the saltiness of tears as they reached the corner of her lips when she spoke. She hadn't realized she was crying. She held on for a second longer before releasing the taller girl.

Holly pulled back with a watery smile as she watched Gail rub at her tear-streaked face. She bit her lip, but gave a small reassuring nod to let Gail know that it was okay. "We should head back in before they have to treat us for hypothermia."

Holly offered Gail her hand, which the blonde only hesitated briefly before taking gratefully. They headed back in to the mobbed waiting room and planted themselves next to Celery. Holly was a little surprised when Gail didn't let go, opting to tangle their fingers together as they sat side-by-side.

Gail was purposefully focusing her attention on Celery, ignoring her brother's apologetic glances, and definitely trying to keep her thoughts away from why she was still desperately holding onto Holly. But she couldn't bring herself to let go of the reassuring security that seemed to emanate from the girl beside her, not when she was wedged in a pool of anxious cops, waiting for word on one of her best friends. She couldn't even let go when the Superintendent passed by on her way out the door after speaking to Sergeant Boyko. In fact, she avoided looking directly at her mother altogether, not wanting to engage in any more unpleasantries.

But if she had, then she may have noticed the way the elder Peck's blue eyes narrowed in on the locked limbs before she left without a word to either of her children; all business, as usual.

---

It was a long wait. For hours the group sat on the uncomfortable plastic chairs waiting for any news at all on the fate of the man they considered a friend, a brother, and more. Oliver may have been a young officer, but he was quickly becoming the heart of the division. His fellow rookie class was there, his TOs, detectives, most of the people who had ever been blessed to spend time with him. Oliver, who was filled with life and laughs, who cared about everyone he met. He loved them, and they loved him in return. Then there was still the number of people who didn't know yet. It was true that if everyone who considered Oliver a friend knew what had happened, the hospital would be overflowing.

Both Gail and Holly had parted a few times, either to speak to someone in private, to make a call, or to fetch fresh coffee and tea for people. But the separations never lasted long, and as soon as they were near each other, Gail would instinctively reach for Holly's hand again. Except for trying to make conversation with Celery and answering the questions of others, they sat silently. The night was getting later, but no one was leaving until Oliver was out of surgery.

Gail could feel her phone buzzing in her pocket, but she had no intention of checking it. Chances were that the housemates had either heard or seen for themselves that she wasn't at work, but she didn't want to talk to them.

"You going to answer that?" Holly could feel the slight buzzing with Gail pressed closely to her side. It wasn't the first time the phone had gone off.

Gail shook her head no, and instead focused her attention back on the warm hand in hers. Holly's thumb was tracing patterns along her skin, reminding her that she wasn't alone. Not now. Not this time. It wasn't enough to distract her fully from the waiting, but it was...nice... The bubble finally burst completely when the surgeon appeared in the waiting room, thanking the nurse for the chart being handed to him as he signed off on something. Holly recognized Rachel's dad and immediately shot out of her seat. Gail's body responded just as quickly to the brunette's sudden absence beside her. It seemed the rest of the room recognized the significance as well, as most of the officers, and Celery jumped to their feet too.

"Hey Doc, Doc, can we go in? Can we see him?" Officer Best asked. He was one of the other TOs who had worked with Oliver, and was the closest one to the desk at the time.

"Not yet, sorry," was the doctor's gruff reply, barely bothering to glance up from the paperwork in his hand.

But Holly was already over, "Sir, please." She drew the doctor's attention, who quickly recognized his daughter's roommate and he glanced back at the note that was stuck to the chart. He looked around the room at the rest of the worried and wearied faces of the people waiting. The patient's parents had yet to arrive, but it was obvious that he had plenty of loved ones.

"Fine, one of you. One person." He conceded.

"Right here," Gail pushed Celery forward.

The pale girl couldn't move though. Gail leaned closer to her, "Go, it's ok, go." She encouraged softly and Celery's feet finally seemed to comply as she followed the doctor to where Oliver had been moved to in the ICU. Holly trailed behind the two, but waited outside for the doctor to return to ask him about Oliver. The doctor gave her the basics of the procedure before heading off to see his next patient.

Holly returned to the group and explained that the surgery had been successful and the bullet had been removed without any serious damage to any vital organs. It had caused one of his lungs to collapse, but they were able to fix it. He had also sustained a head injury, but other than a pretty nasty concussion, Oliver was expected to make a full recovery. It would be awhile before he was awake and the doctor had suggested everyone head home for the night.

Despite the protests of most of the officers, the Staff Sergeant convinced (ordered) them to leave. He stuck around, along with Noelle, Steve, Gail, and Holly. It wasn't too much longer before Oliver's parents arrived, fretful and overwhelmed. Boyko and Noelle pulled them aside to explain what had happened and the couple went in search of Oliver's doctor after. While they went in to see him, Celery came back out.

"Hey, how is he?" Gail immediately asked when she spotted the girl. Holly was still standing nearby and Steve and Noelle joined them when they noticed Celery too.

"Unconscious still. But the doctor says he should wake up in a few hours." Celery's eyes were watery, but she kept her voice steady.

"Want someone to give you a ride home?" Steve offered.

"No, I'm going to stay."

"How about we get you some stuff from home then?" Gail suggested.

"Ok," Celery handed Gail a key and explained where some of their clothes and things they would need were.

"You going to be okay here?" Gail asked as she accepted the small piece of metal.

Noelle offered to stay with Celery while the Shaws were in with their son. "I'll keep her company," she assured the blonde.

"I'll drive you," Steve took a step over towards his sister.

"No!" Gail abruptly snapped. She glared at her brother, stopping him in his tracks.

"You don't have a car." Steve reminded her.

"Then I'll walk." Gail replied icily.

Eyes from the rest of the group darted between the pair, before Holly spoke up, "How about I take you?"

Gail continued to glower at her brother for another moment before turning to look at Holly. Her features softened when she saw the slight smile Holly offered her as the brunette nodded her head towards the door. She gave a curt nod and squared her shoulders before heading towards the door without a word to anyone or another look in Steve's direction.

"We'll be back soon," Holly told the group, before turning to follow the blonde.

---

They silently pulled up in front of Gail's house and Holly cut the engine. They had already been to Oliver and Celery's place and back to the hospital to drop off the bag they packed. They had worked together relatively wordlessly as they collected the requested items and tried their best not to invade their friends' privacy too much. Celery had thanked them when they returned, but told them and the others to go home and sleep, promising to call if there were any changes.

The blonde looked out at the house that she had left hours before with her brother. There were lights on in most of the windows, same next door, so it looked like the majority of people were home. She wasn't ready to go in and face them. If they hadn't heard yet, she didn't want to be the one to tell them, and if they had, she didn't want to have to answer the millions of questions she was sure they would have. They were Oliver's friends too. She turned to face Holly, who was focusing on her fingers that were drumming lightly on the steering wheel. She looked lost in her own contemplation.

"Can I..." Holly turned to face Gail, cocking her head to the side as she waited to hear what the blonde asked. "Can I umm...I really don't want to go in there and see everyone." Gail had turned back to face the house rather than Holly.

"O...k..." The brunette replied slowly.

"So, would you mind if...ummm...if we...if I went back to your place with you?" Gail chanced a quick glance in Holly's direction and braced herself for the rejection.

But Holly simply nodded and started up the car again, "Yeah."

The drive over was short, and quiet. Gail continued to stare out her window until they were in front of Holly's steps. Holly didn't push for conversation or ask any invasive questions about why Gail wanted to come over. She just found a parking spot, turned off her car, got out and headed into her building.

Gail followed her to her apartment, but hesitated when Holly was unlocking her door. "Rachel and Lisa home?" She had kind of forgotten that the brunette had roommates until that moment. One of who actually hated her, and the other's father just potentially saved her friend's life (not that she wasn't appreciative, but it was late, she'd rather be appreciative when she wasn't exhausted).

"Not sure, but if they are, chances are that they're asleep." Holly opened the door to the darkened apartment. A quick glance down the hall showed that both rooms were dark as well. "Asleep." Holly confirmed as she moved into the kitchen. She grabbed some water and offered some to Gail, who took a small sip. She stared down at the glass, unsure of what to say. They still hadn't talked about what had happened after the Peck Party, or Gail's radio silence, and it seemed like an awful time to do so. Not when their emotions were still all over the place after what happened to Oliver.

Holly decided to ignore the elephant in the room completely. "Hungry?" She asked as she reached for her fridge. Other than a quick trip to the hospital cafeteria, which produced some unappetizing sandwiches, they had barely eaten.

But Gail shook her head 'no'. She focused her attention on the water and the heaviness of it in her hand. She felt numb, the weight of the day not quite hitting her fully yet, but at the same time sapping whatever energy she had left.

It was still always weird to Holly when Gail turned down food. It certainly never boded well for the blonde's mood, but she decided not to point it out and put the girl on edge even more. "So, what do you want to do?"

All she received was a shrug. "Do you want to watch something?" A negative headshake. "Want to talk?" A vigorous headshake no. No surprise there. "So..." Holly trailed off, unsure of what to offer next.

There was one thing Gail really wanted to do. She wanted to touch Holly, she wanted to pull her into another embrace, she wanted to back her against a wall before navigating them to the bedroom, she wanted to feel the soft weight of her body on top of her, and the firm press of her supple lips against her own. She wanted to get lost in Holly and forget all about the shitstorm that had descended on them lately. She wanted to feel something other than the awfulness of the day.

She looked at Holly who was playing with a towel that sat near clean dishes on the counter top. Making her decision, Gail moved closer to the taller girl, who looked up when she noticed the approach. They locked eyes until Gail was officially invading her personal space, then the blue eyes dipped to Holly's lips and Holly felt soft hands on her hips. She got lost for a moment in having Gail so close and she wanted nothing more than to kiss the worry away, but Holly didn't want the stress of the day to result in something they both regretted. So when Gail leaned in slowly, Holly caught her by her shoulders, preventing their lips from connecting.

"Gail..." Holly whispered, and those intense eyes locked onto hers again. "We shouldn't. Not now, not when today has been so crazy." Leaving the fact that they still hadn't talked unsaid.

"You asked what I wanted to do."

Gail's voice as she said the words caused every hair on Holly's body to stand on end, but she kept her resolve. "It's late and it's been an awful day," She pushed Gail away gently so she could extricate herself from where she was pinned to the counter. She put some distance between them, "How about some tea?" She made the offer so that she could have something to do with her hands that didn't involve touching Gail.

Gail sighed and ran a hand through her long, blonde ponytail. "I think I need to sleep." She hadn't slept well since before school ended. The utter exhaustion was starting to seep into every fiber of her being: her protesting muscles, her twisting stomach, her painful bones, the small twinge of a potential headache that was forming in her temple, she felt it everywhere.

Holly nodded, "Want me to bring you home?"

The thought of heading back to the house still caused Gail to balk. Maybe...well, maybe for once she was exhausted enough to just sleep and not worry about her nightmares. She certainly felt that way. Plus, the only thing that had actually been able to give her any relief from her overwhelming nerves that day had been having Holly near her. She thought of Oliver and suddenly she really didn't want to be alone. "Actually, can I..." Gail cleared the lump forming in her throat. "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Gail..." Holly hesitated. She wasn't sure it was a good idea, but there was something in those blue eyes she couldn't say no to. "Yeah, sure, do you want a shower first?"

"No, it's ok, just sleep."

Holly nodded and started towards her room as Gail followed. "I can give you something more comfortable to wear," she offered.

Gail watched as the brunette moved around her room, opening a drawer and tossing Gail a pair of comfy pajama pants and an old shirt. She pulled out a similar outfit for herself. Gail didn't waste any time pulling her shirt off, but she noticed Holly ducking her head down to avert her eyes.

"You've seen more than this before, Nerd." She teased.

"Not really the point." Holly replied stiffly before grabbing her clothes, and heading to the bathroom to change.

Gail watched the girl leave her own room, and waited for the door to close before she sighed. She had deserved that one. It had been Gail who had torpedoed the good thing they had going, and yet Holly had still shown up to support her at the hospital. She wasn't sure what she had done to have someone like Holly in her life, but she was convinced she didn't deserve her. Here she was taking advantage of her kindness once more, and still pushing her luck. She contemplated putting her clothes back on and just heading home.

She was still standing there frozen with indecision when Holly returned, clothes changed, and face freshly washed. "Something wrong?"

"Ummm..." Gail wasn't sure what to say. She had just asked to stay and she was already contemplating bolting.

Holly seemed to be able to read her mind, "Planning on leaving?"

"Do you want me to leave?" Gail immediately replied with a bit of a bite as she felt her insecurity rise.

"It's late, Gail, I really don't want to play these games." Holly's voice wasn't bitter, just tired.

But Gail's defenses were already locking in again, "What games would that be?"

"The one where you try to twist what I'm saying. You don't have to leave, but I'm not going to force you to stay. It's your choice. You can come and go as you please."

"Why did you let me come here tonight when you're obviously still pissed at me?"

"I wasn't the one pissed off." Holly pointed out with a cock of her eyebrow in slight admonishment. "I let you come here because I hoped it would mean I wouldn't have to worry about you the entire night."

Gail deflated a bit when it was apparent that Holly was actually sincere in how much she cared. It didn't make sense to Gail, and was a little overwhelming, so she tried to deflect it into a joke. "So, it's completely selfish."

"Obviously," Holly quirked a small smile before climbing into bed. She slipped off the long chain of her grandfather's dogtags from her neck and placed them on the stand beside her. Her glasses and phone joined them. She went about her routines as if there wasn't a hot, shirtless blonde still standing in the middle of her room. "If you decide to stay there is a new toothbrush on the sink for you in the bathroom. Either way, can you turn off the lights before you leave?"

Gail nodded and grabbed the clothes Holly had offered her before. She hit the lights and padded out to the bathroom to finish changing. She closed the door and leaned her back against it. Taking a minute just to breathe. She glanced around the room she was in and couldn't help noticing how obvious it was what items belonged to whom. Holly's things were neatly arranged in one spot, they were practical items, limited to the necessities. Then there was Rachel's stuff, definitely more than Holly, some indulgences. Of course, Lisa had the biggest pile of crap overtaking the bathroom. Perfumes, lotions, face creams, copious amounts of make-up and cover-ups. Expensive too (Gail would know since she was no stranger to spending money on beauty products). Deciding that she had spent long enough dicking around, she changed her clothes, peed, brushed her teeth and splashed cold water on her face. It didn't make her feel any better, but nothing really seemed like it was going to. She still had an inkling that it was probably a mistake to be at Holly's, but she couldn't bring herself to leave. Not yet.

She made her way back to Holly's room, trying not to stumble in the dark in the unfamiliar layout. She had turned off her phone when the messages from her housemates, especially her roommate, had gotten to be too much. She figured that since she was with Holly, Celery or whoever could reach her that way. She didn't want to turn it back on to use the light to guide her. Once she got back to Holly's room, she dumped her pile of clothes onto the med student's chair, and made her way over to the bed.

"Staying?" Holly quietly murmured when she felt the dip in the bed. She was on her side facing Gail's direction, but she had left enough room so that they weren't touching.

"Yep," Gail confirmed just as quietly as she laid on her back and looked up at Holly's ceiling.

"Good."

Gail smiled to herself slightly. She turned and there was enough light through the window in Holly's room that she could make out the general outline of the brunette's features. Holly had her eyes closed, but there was still the trace of a smile on her lips. Gail really wanted to kiss them, but she knew it wasn't right so she turned back to stare up at the plain white ceiling again.

It was nearly an hour later and her eyes were still fixed on the blankness. She could feel the grittiness from the exhaustion stinging her eyes, but they wouldn't close. Gail had been a little surprised and jealous when Holly's breathing had quickly evened out after she joined her. She half-expected for the brunette to be able to hear the voices in her own head that were loudly clamoring over one another, fighting for the right to torture her the most. Her brain hadn't stopped its whirlwind examination of the shittiness that had happened to Oliver, her Oliver, since she had eased herself onto the mattress, despite the heavy feeling of exhaustion. The conversations with Steve and her mother were still ringing loudly in her ears, twisting her stomach into knots. It didn't help that Steve had told her before she left that the Superintendent expected her at the station in the morning. She tried to push any thoughts of her mother from her mind, but it wasn't working. In fact, she could feel herself getting more worked up by the minute.

Suddenly, the reality of being in Holly's bed hit her when she realized that she was probably going to have a nightmare if she finally did manage to drift off. Chances were, it was going to be a bad one. Fuck. She didn't know what she was thinking asking, on the verge of begging, to stay at Holly's place. But being around Holly usually made her feel better, and she still didn't want to have to face the housemates. She couldn't leave, not again, not after Holly had been willing to let her stay, but she needed a way to shut off her brain so she could sleep without worrying about her dreams. She carefully got up and started to head to the door. Her hand brushed against Holly's ipod that was sitting on her desk and she decided to take that with her.

There was only one thing Gail could think of that might be able to do the trick so she headed into the kitchen and flicked on a dim light. She started rummaging through the medical students' cabinets. Bingo! She spotted a bottle of vodka, a mostly empty bottle of tequila, and a relatively full bottle of bourbon. "Sorry Jose, tonight is Jim's night," She apologized to her normal drink of choice as she reached for its cabinet companion.

Gail found a glass and poured herself a double of the dark liquid that she drank in one gulp. It burned her throat, but the feeling brought a bit of relief. So she poured herself another. It felt even better the second time. So she poured a third and opened up the library on the device in her hand. She had forgotten to grab Holly's headphones, but wanted the music to keep her company. That would count as not drinking alone, right?

Both of Holly's roommates were sleeping so she made the decision to hide out in the bathroom, where she'd be able to listen to the music without waking anyone. She spotted a set of small speakers and plugged in the device. She scrolled through the categories: classical (study music), jazz (chill music), classic rock (necessity), chicks with guitars (lesbian music), old and new pop (guilty pleasures), so on and so forth. Gail was slightly impressed by the variety on the device; it may have even been enough to rival hers. She decided just to hit shuffle and skip until she found something to match her mood.

"Didn't know what this would be
But I knew I didn't see
What you thought
You saw in me

I jumped the gun
So sure you'd split and run
Ready for the worst
Before the damage was done"

Yeah, that would do. Something dark and twisty like her soul. She poured out another heavy helping of the coppery liquid. She liked the way the music seemed to compliment her mood, paired nicely with the way she could chase down every bitter thought in her head with a mouthful of stinging liquor. The bathroom itself served as a small place of refuge. She was alone, like she always claimed she wanted to be. No one knew she was there, so she could hide away in peace. There was no one to judge her for just how badly she was handling every emotion that seemed to want to assault her that night. She had become so good at numbing herself to them, at convincing herself and others that she didn't feel anything. God, how she wished she couldn't feel anything right then. She finished off the drink in the glass and placed it on one of the cabinets, but she kept a tight grasp on the now lighter bottle. The alcohol was starting to kick in, but not quite fast enough for her liking.

She stood next to the sink, letting one hand steady her by gripping the porcelain. She caught sight of herself in the mirror. She looked a hot mess. She had dark bags under her eyes, resembling bruises now that her make-up had been washed away. The evidence of her restless nights painted on her face. Her blue eyes weren't nearly as clear as they should be. Reddened slightly from tears she had restrained and ones that had slipped out against her will. And her hair was teased from laying in bed, despite her best efforts not to toss and turn and disrupt Holly. She tried to brush her fingers through the tangles, frustrated by every time they snagged in a knot. She gave up and pulled it up into a messy ponytail. It was still the long length it had been when she had purposefully grown it out to get her parents to stop criticizing her a couple of years ago. That move had backfired in ways that she never could've imagined. She tried to push the thoughts away, but they were there. They were always there; ready to swoop in and remind her of all the ways she had failed.

She took a large mouthful from the bottle in her hand. That was when she noticed the glint of metal out of the corner of her eyes. She reached over and felt the cool touch of the long blades of a pair of scissors with the tips of her fingers. She picked them up and locked eyes with her own reflection.

---

Holly woke when she rolled onto the cool side of the bed. She opened her eyes and found nothingness where she had definitely left a warm body. She sat up in her bed and looked around in the darkness. "Shit," she muttered to herself figuring that Gail must have headed home on her own. She checked her phone to find that it was nearing 3:00am. She tried to lay back down, but she couldn't stop staring at the spot that Gail had previously occupied. Holly couldn't figure out where the change had come from when the blonde had been the one to ask to stay. It had been a long day and was way too late for her to try to decipher the perplexing blonde's motives. She couldn't even handle that in the middle of the day with caffeine in her system, not that she spent a lot of time doing that (she spent a shitload of time doing exactly that). Frustrated that she couldn't fall back to sleep, she kicked the sheets off of her and decided to head to the kitchen for some water.

As she stepped out into the hallway she could hear a faint noise coming from the other end. Music was lightly playing from the bathroom where a light was peeking out from the doorway. She walked closer to the door, straining to make out what she was hearing.

"Don't know what you think you saw
You didn't know at all
Lost sight of who you are
Came to make a connection
Force myself in a dimension
Lost sight of myself"

Holly recognized the song as MS MR's Fantasy. A song that she knew she owned, but her roommates definitely did not. She knocked lightly on the door and tentatively asked, "Gail?"

No response, but she knew no one else in the apartment listened to the same music as her. She tried a different tactic, "How long have you been in there?" Still no response.

Holly had to keep her voice low to not wake her roommates, but she needed Gail to hear her over the music. "Hey! Please confirm existence?" She paused a beat before deciding that she had to make sure the other girl was okay. "I'm coming in."

As Holly slowly opened the door the music got louder,

"If I could force my heart, my ears, my mind
And eyes to get in line
Maybe I'll find something real
Not a fantasy so divine"

Gail turned to the opening door and caught sight of Holly's surprised expression. She shrugged nonchalantly, still holding the detached ponytail in her hand.

"Let myself down each time
Let myself down each time"

"Who cares right?" Gail asked defiantly. "It's only hair."

"How could you be what I wanna see?
How could you be what I wanna see?"

Holly reached over to lower the volume of the music. "So...this is happening." She stated carefully.

"Yeah," Gail replied simply, turning back to look at the sink where strands of blonde hair were clinging to it. "I mean I saw your scissors and I just thought..." She picked up the metal object and starting snipping through the air with the blades. The light sound of metal scraping metal accompanying her words, "Yay..." The word had a false melody to it before her voice took on a bitter edge, "Here's something I could just rewind." She looked down at the floor; suddenly deciding she was too tired to continue to stand, so she grabbed a seat against a set of drawers facing Holly.

She stared down at the blonde hair held tightly in her right hand. Her left moved to stroke each inch slowly. "He picked me because of my hair." The words were soft and Holly thought she misunderstood them from where she was still standing in the doorway, she was about to ask but Gail was continuing to talk. "I didn't even want long hair. It had been black and short, but my mother had bothered me about it. I grew it out and bleached it, and it was just my dumb luck that he liked blondes."

"Who?" But the question seemed to go unnoticed by Gail.

"But Oliver saved me. He saved me." Her words were wavering and there were tears starting to sting the corners of the blue eyes again. She looked up at Holly, anger flashing across her face as she waved around the hair. "But Oliver was picked because he was just doing his job. A job he loves. And Steve couldn't save him because he was too busy being a Peck." Gail spit her own name out with pure venom before she turned to reach for the bottle of bourbon she had left above her head on the drawers. She took a swig straight from the bottle, having lost her glass before she picked up the scissors. It was starting to lose its burn. She missed the burn.

"Okay..." Holly said softly as she moved further into the bathroom. "But honey..." The words were dripping with concern as she crouched in front of the inebriated blonde.

"No, no, no, look, look, look..." Gail rushed to reassure her, "There's literally no bad inches so I'm just going to go back to the beginning." She dropped the ponytail and started to touch the remaining hair on her head, feeling the uneven strands, "I'm just going to go back to the beginning..." The reality of what she had done started to crash down on her as her hands brushed over the rough edges and patches, she could feel her heart start to pound faster. The look on her face changed as the panic started to set in. "Oh my god. What...What'd I do?" Gail tearfully asked Holly. Her right hand moved to cover her mouth and she tried to keep the tears from falling.

Holly looked at Gail with an incredible amount of sympathy, her lips quirking to the side as she matter-of-factly replied, "You cut off all your hair."

Gail's left hand moved to cover her eyes to hide the tears that were trying to escape. She took a breath and shifted her hands to cover her face completely. Another breath and they moved to the side of her head, pinning the hair around her ears. She was staring at the floor as she asked a question that she already knew the answer to, "I'm freaking out a little bit, aren't I?"

Holly smiled slightly as she nodded, "Yeah."

"What am I going to do?"

Holly wasn't sure what to say. "Pass me that bottle, will you?"

"Jim's my friend." The blonde protested and hugged it closer.

But Holly fixed her with a stern look, "He was my friend first. Share."

Gail reluctantly handed over her comrade. Holly took a swig from the bottle before placing it on the ground. It was a move to spare her a moment to think of a way to help and also one to give her control of the alcohol. She studied the blonde who had gone back to staring at the hair in her lap.

"I think that I can fix it."

Gail looked up, her blue eyes shining, "Really?" she asked quietly, almost reverently, like Holly had just offered her the solution to all of life's problems.

"I can try." Holly stood up and offered her hands to the smaller girl. "Come on, hop into the tub. I don't want my roommates to bitch about blonde hairs everywhere."

"Sorry." Gail apologized, realizing the mess she had already made as she unsteadily stepped into the tub and sank to the bottom of it, crossing her legs.

Holly picked up the scissors and the bottle before sitting on the edge of the tub. "Don't worry about it." She looked over the angles Gail had accidentally made in her cuts, some portions weren't very long at all. "I may have to make it really short." Holly warned as she ran her hands gently through the jagged blonde strands.

Gail snorted, "Good, that was kinda the point."

Holly chuckled, took another sip of liquid courage, and picked up the scissors. She made sure that Gail was comfortable before she started cutting as the music continued to play softly in the background. They were quiet except for the snip, snip, snip of the scissors as Holly did her best to even out the hair into a short pixie cut. Gail just sat calmly, enjoying the feeling of Holly's soft but sure hands moving through what was left of her hair and brushing against her skin every so often. For some strange reason she trusted the other girl when she said she could make it better.

It wasn't until Holly was almost done, struggling with Gail's cowlick that seemed to have a mind of it's own, when the blonde spoke again, "Life." The word was almost whispered.

"Hmm.." Holly muttered still focused on the unruly strands. She was tilted over, bending her own body at an awkward angle like that would somehow make it cooperate. "Right? Who needs it?" She joked.

"You can plan...plan and prepare...but it doesn't really matter because things are just going to go wherever they want to go."

"Yep." Holly sat up straight. Brushing her hand through the angled bangs on Gail's forehead. The scar that sat to the left was more visible now, but Holly had tried her best to cover it. "Kind of like this cowlick." She took the scissors to it again.

Gail just continued her train of thought, seemingly ignoring what Holly had said. "I'm sitting in a bathtub, wondering if my friend is still alive, drinking bourbon with the coolest chick ever." Holly smiled and laughed softly in acknowledgement of her title, but she continued her work. "And I have no hair."

Done, Holly brushed the loose strands away. "Not exactly a fairytale."

Holly's fingers felt good against Gail's skin, and she closed her eyes for a second to enjoy the gentle touch. When she opened them she looked right into Holly's eyes, "No."

Holly hummed as she gripped Gail's chin lightly. She studied the frowning face, before she smiled. "Still kind of beautiful though." Gail was still gorgeous, even hairless and worried.

"Oh really?" Gail scoffed.

"Yeah," She reassured with a smile before easing herself into the tub in front of the blonde. Her hands went up to cup the pale cheeks. Gail's eyes immediately darted to Holly's lips, a look that didn't go unnoticed by the brunette. Even though nothing had been talked about or fixed between them Holly couldn't help the pull she felt towards Gail. She had felt it in the kitchen too but her resolve had been strong then. Now she wanted nothing more than to show Gail how beautiful she still was. Her thumbs moved along the smooth skin of the pronounced cheekbones, as Holly leaned in slowly. Her left thumb dipped to trace Gail's lips when they were just a breath apart and Gail moved forward to capture her lips in a soft kiss.

It was a short kiss before Holly rested her forehead against Gail's. Her hands moved down to the girl's thin arms, "Come on, let's wash this mess down the drain."

Holly pulled back, standing up while keeping Gail steady. But when they stood to face each other Gail wanted more. The darkened blue eyes shifted from Holly's eyes to her lips as a pale hand came up to cradle Holly's head to pull her in for another kiss. Holly gave in, one hand moving to Gail's back, the other to her neck, to keep her close as each kiss was soon followed by another. Holly knew she needed to cool them down before the kisses turned to more, so she pulled her lips away and ducked down to reach for the faucet.

Gail was confused, "What are you doing?" Then she heard the creaking of old pipes before a torrent of cold water gushed into her back. She couldn't stop the girlish squeal, "Oh my god! It's freezing!"

Impulsively, Holly moved to capture Gail's lips again to quiet her before her roommates woke up. The kisses heated up faster than the water did. Hands moved to grip at skin under the clothes plastered to their bodies. Holly's glasses were still on, getting blasted by the pounding water until she tossed them outside of the shower. But when Gail's hands moved to the waistband of her pants Holly knew she needed to stop them for real that time. Gail was drunk and they weren't in any kind of state that things should be going further. So Holly caught the wandering hands. "We need to stop."

Gail pouted, "But I want you."

"You're drunk."

"Not that drunk. The cold water sobered me up." Gail pulled Holly in for another kiss. Her tongue caressing the other girl's as she poured all of her emotions into it. "I want you." She repeated when they broke apart.

Hard as it was, Holly pulled back anyway. "I should leave you to shower and I'll change into dry clothes and grab you some." She tried to move away, but Gail's hands grabbed hers and pulled her back.

"Holly wait...don't go." For the first time in a long time, Gail really didn't want to be alone. She wanted Holly there with her. "Stay...just...stay...please."

Holly searched the blue eyes, for what she wasn't sure, but all she could see was vulnerability. So she nodded. "We're just showering," she told the blonde, who nodded in response.

"Showering doesn't work with clothes on." Gail argued, her hands still trying to trace over Holly's soft skin.

Holly chuckled softly before taking the lead. She pulled the blonde's t-shirt over her head, before doing the same with hers. The pants were next to go, followed by their underwear. Gail couldn't stop herself from reaching for Holly in all her naked glory, but her advances were rebuffed. "Just showering, Gail."

Gail pouted, but tried to keep her hands in neutral territory. Holly seemed to be more immune to the nakedness. She just hummed along to Dark Doo Wop, which was playing faintly over the running water as she reached for her shampoo.

"This world is gonna burn, burn burn burn
As long as we're going down...
Baby you should stick around
Baby you should stick around"

She only needed a small amount as she worked her hands through the remainder of Gail's hair. Scratching gently at her scalp, causing Gail to close her eyes and tilt her head slightly into the touch, almost like a cat. Holly could feel her relax under her careful touch. She did her best to keep her focus on Gail's hair and less on the gentle curves of her body. This wasn't about sex.

Somehow they both managed to get clean, and Holly had even been able to ignore the ache between her legs enough to stop Gail's wandering hands from distracting them from the purpose of the shower. Finally, when all the suds were down the drain, Holly shut off the water and grabbed a couple of towels for them. She handed one to Gail and wrapped one around herself. She gathered the wet clothes from the floor. "It's cold in the apartment, I'll grab you some clothes while you dry off, and toss these in the laundry room." Holly started to go, but stopped to grab the bottle of alcohol on her way.

"Hey!" Gail complained as she wrapped the towel around her, trying not to shiver in the steamy bathroom.

"Hey, what? It was mine first." Holly laughed when Gail stuck out in her tongue in rebuttal. She quickly headed out the door, trying not to slip on her way to her own room so she could get some warm clothes on. She dressed and headed back to the bathroom. She found Gail staring at herself in the mirror, spiking her hair as she ran her fingers through it again and again. "Here you go." She drew Gail's attention to herself, but the blonde didn't move to grab the proffered clothing, instead she stared at the brunette intently. Holly just deposited them on the edge of the sink next to the other girl anyway. "I'm going to make some tea, come on out when you're ready." She needed to do something to break the current between them.

Gail waited for the door to close before unwrapping the towel and pulling on the new set of warm, soft clothes Holly had given her. She picked the towel back up and scrubbed it roughly over her new haircut. It was definitely short, but at least she didn't have to worry about drying it. As much as she didn't want to, she finally left her little oasis and found Holly in the kitchen, where the taller girl was quietly making some tea. Gail watched for a minute as Holly gracefully went about preparing their drinks. The brunette and tied her wet hair up loosely and Gail could see trickles of water dripping down to the top of Holly's shirt. She had to stop herself from tracing their paths with her tongue.

"Hey creeper you going to stare all night?" Holly asked without turning around.

Gail could hear the smile in Holly's voice. "Maybe." She moved further into the kitchen and grabbed a seat on one of the stools.

"Chamomile." Holly slid over a mug to Gail, then grabbed her own, and sat down near the blonde. "So I'm guessing you couldn't sleep?"

"Not really." Gail focused on dunking the bag in the water to avoid looking at Holly as she answered. She brought the mug up to her nose and smelled the strong scent of the tea. It definitely didn't have the same kick as the Jim Beam did, but it was obvious that Holly wasn't going to give her back the booze. So she settled for sipping slowly at the hot drink.

They drank their tea in silence for a bit. It wasn't entirely uncomfortable, but each girl seemed to be lost in her own thoughts.

They finished their drinks. "Do you want to try to sleep again? Or we can just stay up, watch something, whatever." Holly offered as the night, or rather early morning, was slipping away quickly.

"You have class in the morning right?"

"Yeah, but I don't have to go."

"Sure you do." Gail knew how much Holly hated missing class. "I have to be at the station anyway. Superintendent Peck's orders."

Holly opened her mouth to say something, but Gail was already cutting her off. "We should probably get to bed."

Holly nodded and collected the mugs. She put everything in the sink and offered her hand to the blonde. Gail took it and they silently returned to Holly's room and climbed into bed. When Holly switched off the lights she could feel Gail tense next to her.

"Where did you go next?" Holly asked, gently drawing Gail's attention to her.

"Hmmm..."

"On your trip. You've told me about Spain, Portugal, France, and Italy. Where'd you go next?"

"Germany for Oktoberfest." Gail was supposed to have been back to Toronto by then, but she had contacted the school and delayed her acceptance by a year. It had cost her a partial scholarship and her place on the track team, but she didn't care, it had been worth it. By the time her parents had found out it had been too late to stop her.

"Tell me about it?" Holly requested quietly. She was facing Gail like usual, her hands tucked under her head to stop her from reaching out and touching the blonde.

Gail smiled. Holly always wanted to hear about her trip and it was one of the few things she actually didn't mind talking about. As long as she stayed away from reasons for why she went where she went, it was a safe topic. So she turned to face Holly and told her about the festival. Her voice was low and they both relaxed into the stories. It wasn't long before both girls were fast asleep, facing one another, almost touching.

"Ollie?" Gail could see her friend. He was standing near a car just in front of the building he lived in with Celery. "Hey, Ollie!" She shouted for her friend, but he didn't seem to see her. She could see someone coming up behind him. She couldn't make out the person's face, but he was larger than Oliver and her friend seemed to have no idea. "Oliver! Watch out!" She watched in horror as the guy struck her friend. He grabbed Oliver and pulled him into the car. Gail tried to run to Oliver. To do something, anything to save him, but she felt someone grab her from behind. She tried to struggle, to fight off her own attacker, but he was too strong. She could feel his arm around her throat and then the prick in her neck. "Go to sleep, my pet." The voice whispered before she felt her body go numb.

Gail shot awake and looked around the room in a panic. She wasn't in her own bed that much she was sure of. She was also acutely aware of the fact that everything hurt. Her head was splitting from the alcohol she had drank the night before. Her chest stung from the lack of air and the uncomfortable way her heart felt like it was bouncing off her ribcage. But what hurt the most was her hand and wrist. It was still balled up into a tight fist and she must have slept on it wrong because the pain was radiating through it. She tried to relax the muscles, opening and closing her fist while she waited for her breathing to even out.

"Hey, are you okay?" Holly sat up in concern. "It was just a dream. It's alright."

Well, shit. Gail realized she was in Holly's bed, which meant she had had a nightmare and woken the brunette from her own sleep. She ran her right hand over her hair, expecting to still feel her ponytail but there was only a short, fluffy mess there. The night before came crashing back to her fully. A new wave of panic and embarrassment swept over her despite the reassuring way Holly was speaking. When she felt Holly's soft touch on her shoulder, she bolted out of the bed."I gotta...I gotta go." She quickly moved through the room, gathering her clothes from the day before and trying to change as fast as humanly possible.

"Hey, slow down." Holly reached for her glasses to be able to see better.

"Can't, I gotta get home." She looked at the clock on Holly's dresser, it was still early but she needed an excuse to leave. "I gotta change before Steve shows up."

Holly glanced at her phone, "Celery texted." That got Gail to stop in her tracks. Her whole body tensed as she waited for Holly to scroll through the messages. "Looks like Oliver woke up sometime last night. She said that he'll be able to have visitors later." Holly let out a small chuckle. "He's already asking for doughnuts."

Gail let out a sigh in relief. She could feel her body deflate. It sounded like Oliver was okay. She made a mental note to see him between her shifts that day. "Good, that's good." Gail finished grabbing her clothes, she turned on her own phone, but ignored the way it buzzed with unread messages, and shoved it into her pocket.

"Let me drive you," Holly offered and she moved to get out of the bed.

But Gail was already making her way to the door. "No, no, it's okay. You're probably heading in with Rachel and Lisa. You've done more than enough for me. Thanks for letting me stay here." She was gone before Holly even had a chance to stand.

"Anytime," Holly replied softly and she slumped back down into her bed, her head spinning from the abrupt departure. At least this time she had the soft mattress to catch her.

---

Gail had rushed out of Holly's apartment and into the early morning streets, it was freezing outside and the cold made the aches in her body hurt that much worse. She tried to breathe as she hurried home, but the cold left a metallic taste in her mouth and it felt like her lungs were bleeding. She was a mess and she knew it. She just wanted to get away from Holly and all her kindness. It was too much, too overwhelming, and just too confusing for her to process it all right then. She made it the couple of blocks in record time, adrenalized from the bitter winds and the shame. But when she finally crossed the threshold into her house, she was left with nothing but the sinking feeling of dread, and it was enough to almost bring her to her knees. She barely managed to catch herself on the railing of the stairs.

She didn't want to go to the station. She didn't want to deal with the tailspin she was sure the department was in after the mess with Oliver's abduction and all the shootings. She wanted nothing to do with the Pecks or policing, and she definitely didn't want to see her brother, but he was her ride and she knew he would show up to force her to go per their mother's orders. Resigned to her fate, Gail headed up the stairs to her room to change into something to wear. Her roommate was sleeping so she moved about quietly in order to not wake her. She just wanted to slip in and out of the house without anyone noticing. She was double-checking to make sure she had everything she needed when she paused at her nightstand. She opened the top drawer and shuffled through the items gently. It wasn't long before she saw them. The bottle of painkillers from when she first hurt her hand was sitting untouched from when she returned from the hospital. She contemplated whether or not it was a bad idea to take them. On the plus side no more pain; on the negative side she would be completely high as a kite. As tempting as it was, she decided not to take them before having to go to the station. But that didn't stop her from taking the bottle with her. She had just slipped it into the pocket of her jacket when she received the text from her brother telling her that he was outside waiting.

"Hey, sister." Steve greeted Gail as she silently slipped into the passenger seat of his car, but the smile fell off his face when he got a good look at her. "Holy shit, what happened to your hair?"

She had been afraid of that reaction and her hand instinctively reached up to flatten the new hairdo, as if that would somehow lengthen it. When she had looked in the mirror she had liked it, impressed by how nicely Holly had salvaged the hackjob she had done. But she hadn't been ready for other people, people like her brother, to hate it.

She glared at him, "I cut it, dumbass."

"Why?" Steve asked without thinking. But he noticed the way she was self-consciously running her hand over it and added, "I mean it looks great, I just didn't expect it."

"Well, lucky for me I'm not looking for your approval," Gail sneered. Even though, hearing him say that did give her some relief. But she was still mad at him and he needed to know that. Her left hand cradled the bottle in her pocket. Maybe she should've taken a pill before dealing with her idiot brother.

Steve sighed; he had hoped that overnight the hostility would have calmed down a little. "Look, Gail, about what you heard, I know I screwed up, but Oliver told me to stay. There was no way we could know that it was Ford attacking people or that he would trap Ollie." He may have rehearsed the speech a few (dozen) times before going to sleep in anticipation of seeing her that day.

"Trying to convince me or yourself?"

"It's the truth."

Gail actually scoffed at that one, but didn't respond. She didn't want to hear any more of her brother's excuses. "Save it for someone willing to buy your lies."

Realizing that he wasn't going to convince his sister that day, he decided to drive the rest of the way in silence. Steve pulled up in front of the big building rather than the precinct for 15 Division.

"What are we doing here?" Gail asked, panic creeping into her voice.

Steve turned to her sheepishly, "Mom wants you with her today."

She was actually ready to kill her brother, and was already plotting where to hide the body. "And you didn't think to fucking tell me?"

"Would you have gotten in the car?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Dad called me, he told me that you were to be dropped off here, no exceptions. What was I supposed to do?"

"Grow a fucking spine." She got out of the car and slammed the door as hard as she could. She was sure her brother was mentally cursing her, considering how much he loved his muscle car, but she didn't care. In fact, she wished a window had shattered or something. Maybe then he'd kill her and she wouldn't have to be going into her mother's lair for the day. She wasn't going to let her brother see her scared though so she stiffened her spine and walked through the glass doors.

In the elevator on the way up to her mother's office, she contemplated taking some of the oxy in her pocket. A part of her regretted having the pills on her in case her mother found them, but the overwhelming majority of her just wanted to have the stuff in her system so whatever her mother said wouldn't hurt as badly. Tempting though it was, she was not about to give her mother the ammunition to add "druggie" to her list of transgressions. When she arrived on the right floor, she stepped over to her mother's secretary.

Marlene was an older lady, very efficient, but also had a soft spot for her and Steve. She had been working for her mother for the better part of the last ten years, following her through her rise in ranks. So she was quite familiar with the Peck children.

"Miss Peck, wow, you look amazing. Really brings out your bone structure."

"Thank you, Marlene, let's hope the Superintendent feels the same. Any chance you could tell me where she wants me?"

"Right here, dear, she said you would be working with her today. She's finishing up a phone conference as we speak, so why don't you grab a seat and when she's done I'll let her know you're waiting. Don't worry, I'll let her know you were early." The woman knew her mother's expectations well.

Gail tried to smile in gratitude, but it was hard considering her face was twisting in a grimace at the news of her imprisonment. Her head was still pounding despite drinking her weight in water to try to help with the hangover. She had forgotten to take something not medical grade for it when her brother had shown up and now the headache was about to be compounded by her mother's voice. She rubbed discretely at her temples as she sat in one of the chairs outside the office.

"Here, Miss Peck." The older woman slipped her a couple of tylenol and a small glass of water. She wasn't surprised the person who worked directly with her mother the most had a big ass bottle of the pain relievers in her desk.

"Thank you, Marlene, have I mentioned lately that she doesn't deserve you?" Gail swallowed the pills gratefully.

"Well, maybe I'm just biding my time until you take over."

Gail knew that it was supposed to be a compliment, but it felt more like a life sentence, still she plastered a smile on her face, "You've always been my favorite."

The woman winked as she returned to her desk, "Such a sweet talker, dear."

The relatively nice atmosphere was dispersed quickly when her mother finished her call and demanded to know where Gail was. Marlene had explained that the blonde had been waiting patiently, but Gail had merely risen from her seat and headed into the office. The secretary offered her one more encouraging smile before the heavy doors closed behind her.

"I expected you here ten minutes ago." The Superintendent didn't look up from her papers as her daughter walked through the door.

"I was here, ma'am."

Elaine finally looked up over the rim of her reading glasses at her daughter. She narrowed her eyes as she took in the new haircut. "Really, Gail? Aren't you getting a little old for these displays?"

"It's a haircut, mother."

"That you managed to get since the last time I saw you?"

"Obviously." Gail muttered under her breath and flinched slightly at the look Elaine gave her, indicating she had heard. "It will grow back."

"Of course it will, but how many times do I have to remind you that the image you portray is important?"

Probably until I actually care, Gail thought to herself but refrained from saying the words aloud. It was the Peck image that had started their argument the night before and Gail was sure the comment was a spiteful reminder of that. "So why am I here today, Superintendent Peck, instead of the division?"

"Fifteen division is still dealing with the fallout of yesterday. In the meantime, I want to ensure that you are being properly trained, so this week you'll be working in this building. And before you get any ideas, your father agrees." The other part of it was that Elaine spent very little time with her daughter and this was best way she could think of killing two birds with one stone.

Gail felt her stomach clench at the thought of four more days, including that one, of dealing with her mother. The week was already going to be awful. She was nearing the end of her winter break, which also meant...no, she wasn't going to think of that right now. Not with her mother scrutinizing every one of her reactions. "Where should I start?"

The Superintendent watched her daughter for a beat longer, waiting for any hint of protest, but received none, "Today, you'll just shadow me. Understood?"

It meant a day of keeping her mouth shut and listening to Elaine drone on and on about protocol, other people's incompetence, and a lot of wheeling-and-dealing. The Superintendent's phone was ringing off the hook due to the targeting of her officers. The hours ticked by slowly, but Gail did as she was told. Not that any of it seemed to be good enough. Her mother usually had a critique to offer of Gail and everyone else that seemed to come in contact with her. When Gail did manage to do something right, it was greeted with nothing more than a curt head nod if it was acknowledged at all. Elaine had also managed to get in more than a few more digs regarding her clothes and haircut, and even her lunch order (apparently, anything besides a salad was unacceptable).

Gail had watched the clock, each agonizing tick that she could spare a glance at when her mother's eyes weren't bearing down on her. At one point she swore the hand moved backwards.

It had taken more than a few tries to convince her mother to release her for the day so she could get home and change before her shift at the bar. She had also wanted to squeeze in a visit with Oliver, which was the only reason she was freed at all.

But it wasn't without some parting words from Elaine, "I trust you'll give Officer Shaw our best and remember what we discussed."

And by discussed, what Elaine really meant was that she had told Gail to keep her mouth shut and not implicate her brother in any wrongdoing. Gail merely nodded; she stood up and retrieved her jacket. She was almost to the door, when her mother's voice sent another shiver down her spine.

"Sweetheart, before you go I have one more question." Elaine took off her glasses and placed them neatly on her desk. She folded her hands together and fixed her daughter with a look.

Gail turned and braced herself; she wasn't sure where her mother would go next. "Ma'am?"

"Why were you holding hands with Miss Stewart at the hospital yesterday?"

Gail blanched, she was fairly certain the salad she had eaten was about to make another appearance all over her mother's pristine floor. Of course Elaine had noticed that. Her mother only ever seemed to see the things Gail never wanted her to notice. "We're friends, mother. She was...uhhhh...worried about Oliver. I was just being a good friend."

"Shouldn't Oliver's girlfriend, not Steven's, have required your friendship more?"

Gail had never been able to read her mother's callused eyes. She couldn't tell exactly where she was going with the questions. Was the real problem that she was holding hands with a girl or her brother's girlfriend? "I was there for Celery as well."

"Well, like I said, remember that image is everything Gail. You may go."

Gail didn't hesitate to bolt out the door and as far away from her mother as possible, including taking the stairs over the elevator. It wasn't until she was outside, grabbing a cab that she let her mother's unsettling inquiry invade her thoughts. It was a short ride to the hospital, but long enough that she had scrutinized every word of their exchange and she still couldn't figure out the implications of the warning. Was it that she had dared to show any feelings at all in front of strangers? Or was it that she had shown a form of affection with another girl? Was it that she was too close to Steve's "girlfriend"? She hadn't considered who would see her when she had clung to Holly that day, but she had needed-no, wanted-Holly there with her. Holly who had taken such tender care of her that night and who Gail had once again ignored every text from that day. She pulled out her phone and sent off a quick message, explaining that she couldn't go to the clinic, since it was Tuesday, because she had work. Holly had replied quickly accepting the excuse, but when she asked how Gail was holding up, the blonde shoved her phone back into her pocket.

She greeted both Celery and the Shaw parental units when she got to Oliver's room. Oliver's parents greeted her warmly, but decided to give the girls some time to sit with him while they went to get food. Celery and her spoke quietly while Oliver slept through most of the visit. He was recovering about as well as the doctor's could hope and he should be out of the woods completely in the next couple of days even though he would be stuck in the hospital at least a couple of weeks to monitor for complications.

Celery had complimented her new look, but all it had really done was make Gail more self-conscious. Oliver had woken up before she left long enough to comment that her haircut was badass, but he had been on some pretty heavy narcotics, considering he also called her Hermione Granger and asked if she had lost her magical powers when she lost the long hair. He also may or may not have broken out into a Potter Puppet Pals' song. Gail had rolled with it though and pulled out her phone to video the interaction for future blackmail purposes. On her way out the door Gail made sure they didn't need anything else, she gave Oliver a kiss on the cheek, and even gave Celery a hug.

She rushed home, but braced herself before crossing the threshold, hoping that she wouldn't actually see any of her housemates as she changed on her way to work. Of course, she wasn't that lucky. She was only a few steps through the door when she nearly crashed into Frankie of all people.

"Whoa." Frankie was a little speechless at the sight of Gail's hair. It was shocking, in a good way, as the cut really made her features stand out. And they were some damn good features, in a strictly aesthetic sense.

"What, Anderson?" Gail bit out when Frankie literally just stared at her.

"Nothing," Frankie shrugged, "I just always picked you for a Portia more than an Ellen, but it suits you."

Gail rolled her eyes and ran up to her room, she grabbed some clothes before pulling her jacket back on and rushing to the bar. She regretted her decision to work after about the fifth comment on her haircut. Charlie had said she looked different, but he couldn't place why. Traci had said it looked good before asking about Oliver, confirming that everyone had indeed heard. Luckily, the hustle and bustle kept them from talking for too long. The rest of the gang came by as well and each person had to make at least one comment. They all also asked about Oliver.

At one point Gail went to hide in the backroom when they needed a new bottle of tequila. She took her time, just to give her a break from everyone's scrutiny. She contemplated the painkillers still in her jacket pocket, wondering if they would numb her to everyone else's stupidity. If she wasn't so worried about the medication impacting her ability to work, she'd probably take a few and just sleep the rest of the night away. She lamented having to return to the bar and humanity, but if Charlie caught her dillydallying she'd have to take a verbal lashing, and she really couldn't handle any more dressing downs after a day of with her mother. She still had another three with Elder Peck. God help her.

---

That night Gail had ignored all the offers from her 'friends' to hang out after shift and went back to her quiet room. Chloe had hovered near her at the bar, ordering more than a couple of 'pink' drinks as an excuse to continuously question Gail about how she was doing. It was only after she threatened to cut out the other girl's tongue with a rusty spoon if she asked again, that the redhead had scampered away and kept her distance.

By the time Gail got home she was exhausted. Her head was just on the verge of hurting, the pressure was building, but it hadn't taken hold yet. It was her wrist and hand though that seemed to bear the brunt of her stress. They hadn't ached that much since she first injured them. She probably needed her brace, but she didn't want the others to notice. She changed her clothes and laid back in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Everyone that day had asked her about Oliver and what had happened to him. She had told them all the same thing: to fuck off, she was working. It hadn't done much more than result in them speculating based on what they had heard, the rumors, mixed with what had been released in the news about the gunman and targeting of various officers. She had been forced to listen to their stupid theories. None of them knew what had really happened, or what Oliver had been through, not even her. She'd have to wait for Oliver to recover a little better before he would tell her. She wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know. However, if Oliver wanted to talk, she'd listen, but she wasn't sure she could handle hearing about his own abduction. Not when the anniversary was just around the corner.

Her wrist throbbed. She had brought her pills up to her room, so they weren't sitting in her jacket where her housemates might accidentally find them. She contemplated the merits of taking one before sleeping. It would probably help her sleep, but the last time had given her some wicked dreams and with recent events she couldn't predict where her mind would go. Then again a handful of pills washed down with a bottle of tequila as a chaser could probably get her out of dreaming at all, be even better if it got her out of waking and facing hell week with her mother. The thought crossed her mind in a flash, before she had time to stop it. She tossed the full bottle back into the drawer when she realized that the temptation was a little too much.

She grabbed her phone in need of a distraction. The unopened messages from Holly flashed on her screen but she couldn't look at them. She wasn't ready to see Holly and explain why she had run off after Holly had helped her through her meltdown in the middle of the night. She pulled up flight information: a flight to London for $750 leaving the next night, to Oslo for $350, and to Prague for $1000 (damn, that one was steep). How hard would it be for her to just pack a bag and take off? She wondered how long it would take for anyone to notice. Holly might...good, sweet Holly...but how long would Holly continue to care for her if Gail kept ignoring her? She switched from looking at plane tickets to her shopping account. She bought whatever was being advertised and tossed the phone after her bank account took the hit. She slammed her eyes shut and buried her face into her pillow, deciding she was going to force herself to sleep.

"I wasn't ready." Nick whined as Gail finished her shots faster.

"That's three in a row." She boasted.

"I wasn't ready."

"Yeah, yeah. It's good to see that a year in college and I can still drink you under the table."

"So how does it feel to finally graduate?" Nick asked as they clinked glasses and took another shot without racing. He grimaced. Gail and her damn tequila.

"It's whatever," Gail shrugged. She had spent the better part of the year counting down the days but now she dreaded actually going to U of T. It would just put her one step closer to accomplishing the Peck master plans.

"Always so cheerful."

"Bite me. Why aren't you with McNally?"

"I told you, Gail, it didn't mean anything. I love you." The slurred words just caused Gail to drink more. She didn't say them back. She wouldn't mean them if she did.

"So glad it didn't mean anything."

"That's not..."

"Don't." She warned and Nick shut his mouth. They looked out at the water quietly.

It didn't last long enough, "Still going to become a White Shirt?"

"Not like I have a choice. I'm a Peck."

"You don't have to be."

She snorted, "No?"

"Be a Collins."

Gail froze mid-shot, "What?"

"Marry me, don't be a Peck anymore." Nick replied. "Give them a big fuck you. You can do whatever you want as a Collins."

"You don't want to marry me." Gail replied seriously.

"I do," the boy nodded resolutely. "See, I'm already ready for the wedding."

He tried to kiss her but she pushed him away and stood up, swaying unsteadily as the alcohol hit her. She had to get out of there.

Gail snapped awake when she heard her roommate sneaking into their room in the twilight hours. She grabbed the nerf gun Chloe had given her for Christmas; she aimed and fired off a shot.

"Ow, what the hell?" Chloe complained as she rubbed at the spot on the right side of her neck that stung with the impact of the fake bullet.

"Stop sneaking around. If you're going to fuck Anderson all night, stay there." Gail growled. It wasn't that she was enjoying the dream, but at least she had been asleep. Plus, she at least knew how that dream ended.

"It's my room too, Grumpy, but sorry for waking you. Go back to sleep." Chloe stumbled into her bed and collapsed on it.

But Gail was awake and she knew that falling back to sleep would be impossible when in a few short hours she would be facing her mother...again.

---

Gail had been by to visit Oliver for a bit each day between her shifts at the station and the bar. They were a decent break to help her reset after spending hours upon hours in her mother's shadow. Usually the visits were with other people so she had to share time against her will but when she showed up that afternoon, Oliver's parents were back at their hotel and none of their friends seemed to be around. Celery was hovering silently near a sleeping Oliver. She had barely left the hospital since he had gotten there, sleeping most often in the uncomfortable chairs or hard couch in the room.

"Hey." Gail called out softly to grab the girl's attention, but not to wake the patient.

"Hi." Celery replied with a small smile as she stepped over to hug the blonde.

Gail tried not to stiffen in the embrace, she still wasn't used to hugging but it was part of the routine now. Luckily, Celery kept the embrace brief. "How long has he been out for?"

"Awhile. He says the nurses keep waking him up at night because they enjoy his company."

"That's probably true." Gail smiled even though she knew it was part of his concussion checks and to monitor his vitals. "When was the last time you went home?"

"It's not the same without him there." Celery deflected.

"I bet, but you need some rest." It was ironic that Gail, the insomniac, was lecturing someone else about sleep, but Oliver had texted Gail about it earlier in the day. He was concerned that his girlfriend was overdoing it. "And a chance to sleep on something that someone hasn't thrown up on."

"Germs are a natural part of existence, Gail, they don't mean to harm people."

The blonde shuddered, "People are gross. Why don't you head home, shower, and take a nap? I'll keep an eye on Supercop over here."

"I don't know..." Celery hesitated as she glanced back at the sleeping man in the bed. He looked even younger than his 24 years even with the bandage around his head. He had been complaining that them shaving his head was going to make him go bald.

"I promise to look after him. I'm working the late shift tonight and I'll call if anything. You need the rest too."

The dark-haired girl sighed, Gail wasn't the first person to tell her to head home and she knew that Oliver was in good hands with the other girl. "Ok, I'll be back soon."

"Take you time."

Celery pressed a gentle kiss to Oliver's forehead and gave Gail's shoulder a squeeze on her way out the door.

"She worries about you. We all do." Gail quietly spoke to the dreaming boy. She hoped his dreams were more peaceful than hers. With any luck, the pain meds he was on kept him loopy enough to enjoy them.

Gail had brought with her a bag of treats that she had carefully kept out of sight of Celery since it contained only processed, sugary snacks that both Oliver and her loved, but were strictly forbidden in his house. After all, how was the boy expected to make a full recovery on hospital food and healthy crap? She slumped down in the chair, pulling out a candy necklace and placing it around her neck. She bit off a couple of pieces and glanced around the room. She couldn't turn on the TV for a distraction since Oliver was sleeping. The room itself was already filled with 'get well soon' gifts and wishes, which came at no surprise considering how popular Ollie was. He had seemed to have steady flow of cops, college friends, and family in and out of his room during visiting hours, but right now it was just her there to watch over him. The machine tracking Oliver's vitals was beeping steadily, which was part relieving part annoying. The room itself had that hospital smell that clung to your skin and clothes. She glanced out the window at the fresh air she couldn't breathe. It made her itch. The air felt gross, thick with worry and germs from the people who filled its rooms and halls.

She looked over her friend. He was in a gown and had a white bandage wrapped around his head. She still wasn't sure how it had been injured, whether he fell after he was shot, or if it was busted along the way. She could've asked Steve, but she still wasn't on speaking terms with her brother even though he drove her every morning to their mother's office. She was sure that he would go along with their mother's plan to keep him from getting into any trouble, the same way he went along with the plan to force her to intern. That thought twisted her stomach back into knots.

She tried to brush the thoughts away, but they were replaced by thoughts about the tubes sticking into Oliver's arms, which had caught her sight. She felt the needle under her own skin and her heart rate picked up a bit. It had really only been a matter of time before those thoughts were going to hit her. She couldn't stop herself from thinking of the time she had ended up there. The poking and prodding and invasion of her body by doctors and nurses who were trying to 'help'. It had only been a couple of days, but it was still longer than she had liked. She had had a much smaller bandage on her head, just enough to cover the poorly done stitch work that they had let an incompetent resident perform. It was part of the reason the scar was still noticeable and more ragged than it should be. She unconsciously brushed her fingers over it. She had also had bruises on her neck at the time, and a busted lip that had made it hard to swallow. Oliver and Steve had made it their mission to ensure she always had ice cream. They had been the ones to visit and to make time in their schedules. Her parents had only shown up briefly when they first received the call and to pick her up. She stood up abruptly; realizing that thinking about that stuff was causing her breathing to get out of whack. She moved into the open space of the room and started some of the stretches that had become second nature to her. She was bent over in downward-facing dog, breathing deeply and trying her best to clear her mind, when a voice intruded her meditation.

"What are you doing?" Oliver's voice was croaky from sleep.

She glanced to the side to see the boy rubbing his eyes and yawning. "Yoga."

"Why?"

"Couple of years ago a doctor recommended it. Suggested I should take up something to help calm my nerves." She sprang up to a standing position and brought her arms up straight over her head. "'Cause apparently getting kidnapped by a potential serial killer can make you kinda edgy." She gave her friend a morbid look.

"Yeah...I could see that" Oliver agreed absently, unfortunately aware of exactly why that would be. "Maybe you could teach me some moves when I can get out of this bed."

She nodded, and didn't push when she noticed that Oliver's gaze had become transfixed on the blank television screen. The phone rang, snapping the boy out of his thoughts. Oliver tried to reach for it but the movement caused his side to hurt. He pulled back in pain and asked with a gasp, "Can you grab that for me?"

Gail looked at her friend like he was insane, "I can't touch that phone. Sick people, they cough and breath into that mouth piece, so..." She trailed off as she reached up to adjust her ponytail, only there was no ponytail anymore.

Oliver chuckled and rolled his eyes at the ridiculousness. "Well, sick people also put their feet on that floor that you were just becoming acquainted with."

"But the really sick people, they can't walk so..." She argued with a shrug as she grabbed a seat back in the chair. She propped her feet up on the metal rails of his bed.

"Touché." He conceded with a smile as the phone quieted. He glanced around. "Did you finally convince Celery to head home?"

She nodded, "Just as you asked."

"You know, I think I'm gonna miss being able to get my Petulant Peck to do my bidding so easily."

"It won't last long. Once you're back up to fighting condition, it's on, Shaw."

"I'm always in fighting condition." Oliver laughed but it was a little too forceful and he winced again. He wished it didn't hurt so badly to breathe and laugh and generally be himself. But when they had to crack open your ribs to remove a bullet and reinflate your lung, it tended to hurt.

"Yeah, right, you look it." She gestured to the various bandages on his body. "What happened to the head?" The curiosity was getting to her.

Oliver lightly touched the white gauze where there was still a knot. "Butt of a shotgun."

"Ouch." Gail replied with a grimace.

"It doesn't hurt as bad as the other end." Oliver tried not to wince as he gingerly pressed a hand to his ribs.

"Do you remember what happened?" Gail had heard bits and pieces from other people, but had yet to hear it from Oliver himself. She knew that there was a chance he wouldn't want to talk about it. Lord knows, she still didn't like talking about what had happened to her. But it was Oliver, and the boy loved to talk. It was his way of getting things out of his system.

Oliver looked ready to explain, but hesitated. "I don't know if I'm supposed to talk about it."

"Did you give your statement yet?" Gail knew the protocol better than most officers that were already on the force.

"This morning."

"Then it probably won't matter. So if you want to talk to someone who's not a cop, I can listen."

Oliver nodded. He couldn't talk to Celery or his parents about it without worrying them. And when the other officers and future officers were around, he liked to joke about what happened or try to play up the hero card. But if there was one person he could be honest with, it was the blonde girl sitting in front of him. She'd understand more than anyone. "I remember bits and pieces. I remember feeling a crack to the head, it really did fucking hurt. I vaguely remember being in the boot of my own squad. Yeah, that was fun. He had taken my radio. Then I mostly remember the church. He handcuffed me, seriously, I never really thought about how much crap we carry on us. But, yeah, he was ranting about everyone showing up and how he was going to take out my friends who came to rescue me before going to the station to finish up his plan. Dude was a lunatic, but I must have distracted him long enough that he was still there when ETS showed up. After that I just remember chaos and shots being fired."

Despite the indifferent facade Gail had plastered on her face, Oliver could see the concern flickering in those blue eyes. "I probably shouldn't have told you all that." He was suddenly aware that he had probably trudged up bad memories.

"No, you should unload." As hard as it was to hear, especially the part about the trunk, she wanted to be there for her friend. They were part of the same club now. Or at least a similar one.

"What about you? Who do you talk to?" Oliver asked with concern. He could see the haunted look that had crossed her face. His friend looked tired. He wasn't sure how much of it had to do with him and how much had to do with the time of year. It was almost the date of when it all happened.

"It's been two years, I don't need someone to talk to." Gail replied stiffly. She bit off another piece of candy. She had talked to people when it happened, whether she wanted to or not, but now she was supposed to be past it. So that's what she would be.

"Peck, you haven't talked to anyone about it in the last two years as far as I can tell. Idiot Collins wouldn't have even known if Steve hadn't tried to kill him."

"Yeah, that was just what I had needed. Someone who tried to be with me out of some guilt." Steve's interference had Nick almost transferring to Toronto mid-year. It had also prompted him to try to get back together when he came home that spring break and summer. It had even been the catalyst for that stupid proposal. "I don't need people looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like some kind of victim."

"Not everyone sees it that way."

Gail snorted derisively.

"Do you think I'm a victim?" Oliver asked sincerely. He was the one stuck in a hospital bed, bearing the scars of someone else's attack as well.

"You're a cop, Ollie, you got hurt in the line of duty. It's not the same thing. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Neither did you."

"Not according to my mother."

"Well your mother is probably going to get me in trouble for gallavanting around on my own." Oliver was only half-joking.

Gail grimaced, she knew that was exactly what her mother had planned. "Steve should have been with you."

"I told him to stay." Oliver replied with a shrug.

"Doesn't matter." Gail replied and there was a flare up of her anger again just thinking about Steve.

Oliver tried to change the subject, "So did Holly drop you off?"

Gail looked at her friend like he was insane. She hadn't really talked to Holly since the night it had all gone to the shitter. She didn't ignore all of the brunette's texts, but she kept her responses brief. "No."

"Oh, I thought you two patched things up." He knew Holly had been at the hospital when he was brought in, he had heard from Celery and others that the two girls had been practically inseperable. He even knew that Holly was responsible for Gail's haircut (or rather salvaging of the hair massacre).

"I haven't talked to her."

"Why not?"

Gail shrugged, "She's not going to want to be with a jerk, Oliver." Gail replied quietly, biting off more candy and avoiding eye contact. She knew she wasn't good enough for Holly, especially not with her recent actions. She thought it was better if she just let the brunette go before she realized for herself how awful of a person Gail was. Hell, she could give references.

"You are not a jerk. I arrest jerks on a daily basis. You, your relationship with the cosmos, your healthy disrespect with everything. That's what makes you one in a million, truely. What was it? What did you call Holly when you first met her? Tell me."

"Nerd." Gail replied sullenly. "Actually, I think I called her a truck."

"See that's Gail Peck." He smiled widely and triumphantly. Then he reached onto the tray beside him for the thermos sitting there. He tried taking a sip of the drink Celery had left him, doing his best to choke it down.

Jumping on the chance for a distraction, Gale pointed at the cup. "Oliver, what's in that stuff?"

"This is a...kale concoction..it's kale..." He explained while staring down at the drink in question. He shook it as if that would change the taste or the ingredients. He had no idea what was actually in it, but kale was definitely part of it.

"Oh god," She made a face of absolute disgust as she reached for the bag of goodies she had brought with her. She offered it to him and was surprised when he refused. "Oh come on, man, take the bloody candy." She pushed it his way, but Oliver continued to shake his head.

"I'm not doing that, man."

"I'm not going to tell Celery."

"Celery always knows."

Gail shook her head at her friend, folding her lips together. She couldn't believe how whipped he was. "I'm sorry, weren't you all like bearded man and dumped when you met her."

"Yeah," Oliver explained between disgusting sips, trying not to actually taste the drink on its way down. "Yeah, now I'm on the program man. Walking towards my future...figuratively speaking." Oliver wiggled his feet for good measure.

"No, you walked the halls like you hadn't bathed in weeks and you smelled like canned meat, Oliver." Gail didn't hide her absolute disgust as she reminded the boy of his awful break-up with Zoe.

Oliver became offended, immediately protesting. "Gross. That is gross. That is gross and offensive and slighlty inaccurate." (It was wholly accurate). "You know you just crossed the line." He mumbled seemingly hurt as he glanced towards the windows of his room.

"Sorry," Gail replied softly.

"Jeeze." Oliver grumbled before brightening up, "And I love it, it's Gail Peck." He clapped a hand on one of her boot-covered feet, shaking it.

"Okay." She was ready for him to stop.

"That is who you are."

"Alright."

"There, doesn't that feel good?"

"Yes." She conceded quietly. She still had no intention of talking to Holly yet. It just wasn't a good time. Maybe after everything, maybe then she'd been in a better headspace. Until then Holly didn't need to deal with her drama.

"Yes!" Oliver fist pumped in his victory of being right. "Here give me the candy. Give me the necklace." He held out his hand expectantly as the girl pulled it over her head. "Give me your jewelry, lady." He accepted the snack, "Thank you."

"Welcome to dark side." She smirked as he bit into the processed sugar.

"Well you have cookies. You do have cookies, right?" He tried to sit up to glance into the bag, Gail was guarding.

She handed it over and laughed as his eyes lit up at the offering.

---

"Ouch." Chloe complained as she stumbled over another one of the packages that had been delivered to their house due to her roommate's internet shopping addiction. Everyone in the house so far had fallen victim to crashing into the boxes that seemed to be arriving on the daily. She brought it in and dumped it in the hallway with the rest of the boxes.

Traci had been putting on her shoes when she glanced up and noticed Chloe. "Hey, are you heading up?"

"Yeah."

"Can you tell Gail to hurry her ass up so we can get to work?"

Chloe was whistling as she climbed the stairs and opened the door to her room. "Hey, Traci's looking for you." She froze in the doorway when she noticed her roommate was fighting a losing battle with a black shirt that was tangled over her head.

For once in her life, Gail was relieved to hear Chloe's chirpy voice, "Can you help me?" She was struggling to breathe between the restricting garment and her own panic at not being to get out of it. She continued to twist her hands and head but they couldn't seem to find the right holes (Gail was thankful it was Chloe that arrived and not Frankie because there was definitely a joke somewhere in that.)

"Yeah," Chloe immediately rushed foward, but Gail didn't stop struggling, "Umm..oh..it's stuck in your hair." She couldn't get it off while Gail was wriggling. "Okay, arms up." She stuck her arms up and Gail tried to follow suit even though she couldn't see what the redhead was doing. "Arms up, narrow your shoulders." Chloe tried to pull it down but it still wouldn't budge so she kept talking to distract Gail. "Okay, I totally get what's happening. This happens to me everytime I put on a turtleneck. It feels like I'm being strangled." Chloe tried pulling up and finally the fabric came over.

Gail let out a groan of relief and was panting from the exertion. "Okay."

Chloe smiled brightly and offered the shirt back to Gail, "Here you go."

But Gail waved away the offending article, "I want you to keep it. You're a tiny little creature." Gail looked for a longsleeve that would fit and her work shirt. She was still breathing heavily and now her wrist hurt even more from the struggle.

Chloe held onto the shirt and starting poking around the empty packaging that was piling up in their room. Cardboard boxes were all over Gail's half. It had been going on their entire winter break. She turned back to face her roommate. "Are you okay? Because you keep buying all this crap and then just giving it away." She knew something was going on with the blonde. She had been quieter and more distant since New Year's. Plus, there was the whole hair cutting thing.

Gail narrowed her eyes at Chloe, but the other girl didn't back down. Before she could tell her to mind her own business she heard Traci calling from downstairs.

"Put on some clothes, and get your pale ass down here, before I come up there and kick it myself."

"Hold your horses, Nash."

"We're going to be late." Traci knew that was the one thing that could usually light a fire under Gail's ass. The blonde hated being late for work.

Gail threw on some clothes over her head and stepped over towards her nightstand. She glanced quickly to make sure Chloe wasn't paying attention, the redhead was still too busy looking at the mess Gail had made with the purchases, and grabbed the bottle of painkillers. They had become her constant companion, even though she had yet to take any. But something about having access to them at any time made her feel better. She slipped them into her pocket and grabbed whatever item she could reach. It was some weird statue thingy.

She handed Traci the thing when she passed the angry girl who was at the bottom of the stairs impatiently tapping her foot on the ground, "I got this for you."

Traci accepted it, but still wasn't pleased. "Come on, we're gonna have to book it."

The two girls rushed to work. As they were putting on their aprons, Traci cleared her throat. "Everything alright with you?"

"Peachy," Gail started rearranging the liquor bottles.

"You sure?"

"Why do you care, Nash?"

Traci tried not to let Gail's surliness push her away. The blonde had helped her out more than once, they were friends in her mind at least, and you helped friends when you see them struggling. "You just seem off. If you want to talk, I'm around."

Despite how sincere Traci seemed, Gail just continued her denial, "Just a little stressed, it'll be over soon." She was barely sleeping but after that weekend she hoped some of the dark thoughts would pass. She flexed her left hand after she reached for a heavy bottle and it had twinged.

Traci wondered what that comment meant but didn't ask, "Well, the offer stands."

Gail nodded and waited for the other girl to leave before rubbing at her wrist again. The stupid thing wouldn't stop hurting and it served a constant reminder of how stupid she could be even when she was asleep. She sighed and tried to focus on work and using only her right hand.

At the end of shift, she left despite her friend's persistent requests to hang out either at the bar or to play video games. But Gail didn't want the company or to have to plaster a fake smile on her face. She just wanted to get home and in bed, hoping that the exhaustion for once would be enough to sleep. Her wrist throbbed and she could feel the pills in her pocket, reminding her that they were right there, ready to take the pain away.

---

"Hey." Chloe leaned over to give Frankie a kiss upside down. She had just gotten home from running some errands for her family.

"Hi." Frankie breathed contently once the kiss broke. She didn't let Chloe pull away though before she reached up to pull her back down for a slightly deeper kiss despite the awkward position they were in. "You're cold." Frankie complained after Chloe ended it.

"So sweet. That's the first time anyone's ever said that to me." Chloe leaned down and gave the other girl an Eskimo kiss with her frozen nose. "Whatcha doing down here?"

"Felt lazy." Frankie replied with a shrug, she picked up her phone again which had a game open on it that she had been playing before her sweet distraction arrived.

"Have you been here since the airport?" Chloe knew that Frankie had gone to pick up Juliet, who was finally back from her trip to Vancouver.

"Maybe."

"Did you let Nick into your car?" Chloe asked, a hint of uncertainty mixed with the teasing nature of her question.

"Yes," Frankie grumped, still bitter that both Chloe and Juliet had guilted her into giving the boy a ride too.

"So being down here has nothing to do with them being home too?"

"No," Frankie looked over at Chloe's disbelieving face. "Fine, so maybe I don't want to have to hear Jules playing hide-the-sausage with the boyscout across the hall." She made a face at her own words after she said them.

Chloe laughed, "You just grossed yourself out, didn't you?"

"I might've just gagged a little."

Chloe rolled her eyes and changed the subject. "Have you eaten?"

"Well not since last night, but now that you're home I'm sure we could remedy that." Frankie reached for the other girl and wiggled her eyebrows.

"I meant food." Chloe fended off the advances and started to walk away, but before she did she leaned over and whispered, "But we can satisfy your other appetite later."

"Fine." Frankie grumbled as Chloe walked to the kitchen and back. She pretended to play her game, but she couldn't stop herself from checking the freshman out as she sauntered through the house. Chloe's self-control was the only thing stopping Frankie from breaking the most important house rule: 'no sex in common areas'. Especially, since Frankie had every intention of breaking that rule before she moved out. She also had a side bet going with Peck (since the rest of their housemates were at a clear advantage) about having sex in the guys' house. But they were kind of gross so she hadn't decided if she was following through on that one. Frankie was busy weighing out the pros and cons when Chloe returned to the living room and derailed her train of thought.

"Anyone else home?"

"Dunno," Frankie returned her attention to the device in her hand. She had been stuck on the same puzzle for almost a half hour while she had been lazying on the couch.

"Have you seen my roommate?"

"Why?" The senior didn't bother looking up as she got another strike and had to reset. She was starting to get pissed.

"I'm a little worried about Gail." Chloe explained, but even she was distracted by the way Frankie was scowling at her phone, clearing losing at whatever game she was playing. "Do you need help?"

"Nope."

Chloe ignored her and took the phone anyway, overlooking the small sound of protest Frankie made until she was settled next to her. Once seated, Frankie's body slightly wrapped itself around the freshman and intently watched as Chloe's fingers moved over the device. "She seems a little messed up."

Chloe completed the level and tossed the device back into Frankie's lap and got up. Frankie threw her hands up in exasperation at how quickly Chloe had managed to solve it. She looked at the device trying to figure out what she did. "That's Gail. She's always messed up."

"Yeah, I just...I just don't want her shaving off all her hair." Chloe frowned at the thought as she continued, "and then buying one of those Amanda Bynes turquoise wigs."

"Ok. Wait? What?" Although she was getting better at it, there were times that Frankie still struggled to follow the redhead's train of thought.

"After everything that's been happening with Holly, and now Oliver getting shot, I just don't think she's handling things well. She got stuck in a shirt the other day and then gave me the shirt as a present. I just think that she could use a friend right now."

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Frankie didn't have to look up from her phone; she could feel Chloe's eyes boring into the side of her face.

"Because you should go find her."

"And do what?"

"Use your words, talk to her."

"Why don't you talk to her?"

"She won't listen to me."

"I'm not Oliver, I don't have magic words to fix things," Frankie protested.

"No, but you speak 'Gail'."

"I may be fluent in 'sarcastic bitch', but I doubt that's what she needs."

"Just try...please..." But Frankie made no move to do so. "For me?" Chloe added with her pleading eyes.

"Fine." Frankie grumbled as she dragged herself off the couch and in the direction of the stairs. "But I expect appreciation sex." She added, just so Chloe didn't get the wrong impression that she was a sucker for those hazel eyes or something.

"There will be plenty of appreciation. I might even break out the handcuffs." Chloe promised.

Satisfied, and slightly turned on, Frankie headed up the stairs. She didn't bother knocking as she opened the door on the second floor. She found her target lying on her bed seemingly napping. If Frankie didn't know any better, she'd think the blonde was actually asleep, but she had seen this scene too many times in her own room.

"You don't write, you don't call." She melodramatically greeted the freshman and settled her lean figure against the doorframe.

Gail didn't bother moving the arm that she had draped over her eyes, but the hand holding the bottle of painkillers moved slightly to keep them out of view, "What are you yapping about, Anderson?" She was annoyed by the older girl's dramatics.

"It's weird coming home to an empty bed everyday." It had been awhile since Frankie had gotten one of her unexpected visits from the blonde freshman. Then again, Gail really had been weird for a while now. Everyone had noticed.

"You're the one that defiled it with the Princess."

"Hey, there are clean sheets on that bed."

"Only because she probably just got home. What happened to away games?"

"I guess we could start using your room if you prefer." Frankie mused.

Gail picked her head up enough to glare at the brunette. "Is there a reason you're bothering me?"

Deciding to drop the chitchat, Frankie opted to just ask, "What's been up with you lately?"

Gail dropped back down to her mattress and closed her eyes. "Nothing." She was tired of everyone asking her what was wrong, she wasn't used to it and she honestly didn't trust that they actually cared. But mostly, she just didn't want to talk about why she wasn't sleeping, or why she was buying everything the internet seemed to offer, and she definitely didn't want to talk about why she was laying on her bed staring at the ceiling with a bottle of oxy in her hand. Not that Frankie had noticed the pills, at least Gail silently prayed she hadn't.

"Come on Goldilocks, you've been surlier than usual, you avoid the freshmen like the plague, and you barely leave your room when you're home."

"People suck."

"Agreed, but there's more to it. You didn't even go play video games last night. Is it Oliver? When I talked to Celery and him, they said he's going to make a full recovery." Frankie, like the rest of the gang, had been by to see their friend a few times. Gail though was the only one who never missed a day.

"I know."

"So not Oliver. Is it Holly? I know something happened between the two of you. Are you not done being stupid yet?" She knew that Holly had cut Gail's hair but that was about it. The med student was as tightlipped about the blonde as the freshman was about her.

"Go fuck yourself, Anderson."

"Ooo struck a nerve. See, this is progress. So it is Holly. What'd you do this time?"

"It's not Holly, it's not Oliver, and it's none of your damn business." Technically it was related to them slightly but not in the ways people would think. Oliver's attack had worsened this time of year for her. And she was avoiding Holly, so those soulful brown eyes couldn't read her thoughts. It also didn't help that Gail remembered vaguely mentioning Oliver saving her when she had been ranting about her hair. She hoped Holly hadn't put the pieces together yet.

"Fine, whatever, but look, for what it's worth, you should talk to someone about what's bothering you."

"Really, you're giving me advice to talk to people? Weren't you the one to give everyone the silent treatment when you got back here from Christmas and the one to call up your ex for a booty call just to self-destruct some more."

Frankie's initial reaction was to snap at Gail for trudging up those awful feelings. But she restrained herself and carried on since she was supposed to be helping. "Weren't you the one to stop me from doing that? I'm just returning the favor."

Gail looked at Frankie like she had two-heads. She had fully expected some of Anderson's normal snark aimed her way. In fact, she had kind of been hoping for a fight. "What the hell did my roommate do to you? Is this what happens when you start fucking a Care Bear?"

"Do you really want to talk about me having sex with your roommate? Because let me tell you..."

"Oh god no!" Gail clamped the pillow under her head over her ears. "Forget I said anything."

Frankie waited for Gail to drop the act and release her pillow. Once she did, she continued. "What I was trying to say was that talking isn't the worst thing." Gail shot her a look. "It's not the best, but it's not the worst. And the difference between us, Peck, is that I know there are people I can talk to. I have Juliet and Holly and even the dumbass boys, and, yes, I have the Muppet. It took me a while to realize it. And you, you have people too. If you actually opened up your eyes you'd see it."

"Can't sleep with my eyes open."

"What?"

"It means stop killing my nap."

"Fine, keep brooding. Just tell your roommate I tried, so she'll stop bothering me."

"Fine, whatever, go away." Frankie left to start collecting on some of Chloe's appreciation.

Gail closed her eyes again when she was alone, she had some time before work. She had already set an alarm on her phone, though she didn't think she'd actually need it.

"What do you mean there was another girl?"

"You weren't the first."

"Wh-what happened to her?" The file was slid across the table. She knew what those files meant; she made no move to touch it.

"What would've happened to you," Her mother replied. Her father was looking at her with the silent disappointed look he had mastered so well.

"So what happens next?"

"They build a case and make the connections. Your statement though is tainted. How could you be so foolish to drink that much?"

"I was barely over the limit."

"Exactly, you were over the limit."

"He's still going away for what he did, right?"

"That's up to the detectives and lawyers. It would have helped if they had better testimony."

Gail woke not to the sound of her alarm, but to the Emperor's ringtone. She let the call go to voicemail, as she wasn't in any state to talk to her mother. She was certain that the woman was calling to demand that she come over for dinner on Sunday, but there was no way in hell she'd be there. Not that Sunday, no definitely not that Sunday. She glanced at the time and decided to just go to work. She tossed the bottle into her drawer, not trusting herself to take them with her into a den of booze.

---

Gail hadn't slept that night at all. She hadn't even closed her eyes to tempt it. But it was Sunday and the anniversary of when it all happened. She needed to do something, anything. She just didn't know what.

Somehow she ended up there. It was bitterly cold out, causing her wrist and hand to ache, but there she was amongst the dirt and stones. It had taken her a little while to find the right one considering she had only been there a time or two before she left for Europe. She placed the bottle in her hands on the frozen ground, pulled her cap down over her ears better, and buried her hands in her pockets. She could feel the pill bottle.

"So I know we don't really know each other, but we're kind of connected, aren't we? I mean I almost was you." She tried to pull the collar of her jacket up, she had on a hoody under the leather, but the wind was seeping through all of it.

"I don't really know why I'm here, it's not like you can hear me. But it just feels weird. I mean I don't know why I ended up being the lucky one. You had people that cared about you, loved you, they noticed you were gone. I don't know why I was spared."

Gail felt awkward standing over the marble stone. "Do you mind if I grab a seat? No, ok." She sat on the cold ground facing the stone. She was at a better height to read it. 'Nicole Marshall 1995 - 2014 Beloved Daughter, Sister, and Friend'. The grave was only two years old and well cared for. There were fresh flowers and it was obvious her loved ones came to visit often.

She pulled the bottle of pills out of her pocket, her thumb picking at the corner of the label with her information and the dosage on it. "It hurts. Living...it hurts. People, they hurt you. I know it doesn't hurt the way it must've for you and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I bet you were scared. I was scared and I'm not supposed to be scared. Pecks don't get scared." She was rambling to a gravestone on a frigid Sunday in January. She was pretty sure it was a new low for her, but at least there was no one around to judge her. "I'm still scared. I can't sleep most nights. Not when I'm stressed. I just keep replaying what happened over and over, what went wrong, what I did wrong. It's like an endless loop especially lately. I didn't have this problem last year. Last year I didn't have to be here, hell, I didn't have to be anywhere. Well, I was somewhere, but it wasn't here. That was nice."

"God, I'm tired." She could feel the exhaustion weighing her down. "Like really, truly tired. But I can't sleep and I'm out of ideas of what to try. Everyone keeps saying I should talk to someone about what's bothering me, because it will help me feel better. That's kind of why I'm here. I was hoping that I could practice this whole talking thing, you know actually saying words out loud. Trying to filter out the sarcasm so I can talk to someone who can talk back. There's only one person I think I can talk to, like really talk to, and I've been avoiding her like the plague. Yeah, I said her. Jealous? I'm pretty sure my mother is, that's why she was on my case about holding her hand. Holly has nice hands, and I don't mean it in that way." Gail smirked, "Well I do, but I also mean in the hand-holding way, and the fixes-your-hair-when-you've-chopped-it-off way. I might try to talk to her later, if I can find the energy."

Gail put her hands back into her pocket pulling her jacket tighter. She curled into herself trying to trap what little warmth she had. She knew she should get up, but she was tired and it was cold and she just didn't feel like it. She closed her eyes, just for a minute.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?"

Gail's eyes snapped open at the familiar voice. "What?" She was confused and tried to blink away the sleep from her eyes. She hadn't even realized she had dozed off.

Holly shivered and crouched down in front of the blonde. "Here, drink this." Holly handed Gail a cup from a nearby cafe. Then she took the scarf from around her own neck and wrapped it around Gail's, pulling it up to cover the exposed pale skin. She pulled the cap Gail was wearing further down over her ears. When she was done, Holly sat back on her heels staying close to the half-frozen girl.

"Thanks," Gail replied as she took a sip and was pleasantly surprised by the still hot hot chocolate. She gripped the cup tighter with her cold fingers and kept it close to her face for the added warmth.

Now that the relief of finding Gail had somewhat passed, Holly narrowed her eyes at the blonde, "It's freezing out here, you're going to give yourself frostbite and pneumonia, and hypothermia...and...and...Do you know that you have people worried about you?"

"Why would anyone do something stupid like that?" The scarf was also warm and smelled like Holly. She closed her eyes again at the softness and comfort it brought.

"Because despite what you think a lot of people care about you. So when you vanish and don't answer your phone, people notice."

"Sounds like Chloe's problem, not mine."

"It wasn't just Chloe. You weren't at home or the boys' house. You weren't at work. You weren't with Oliver. You weren't at the station or at the range. A lot of people were looking for you." Holly had gotten a call asking if Gail was with her from Frankie at the insistence of Chloe, it was how she had gotten pulled into the search party too. "How long have you been out here?"

Gail shrugged; she was still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that people were actually worried. "How'd you know where to find me?"

"Oliver mentioned he'd found you here before." She glanced at the tombstone the blonde was sitting beside. The name looked familiar but Holly couldn't quite place it. "Did you know her?"

"Not while she was alive." Gail could see the confusion in Holly's eyes, so she focused her eyes on the cup in her hand. She contemplated opening the bottle of alcohol and mixing it with the drink, but it was supposed to be present. Before she knew it though, she was continuing to talk, sans alcohol. "I was supposed to be her. Two years ago today I could have been her. But Oliver saved my life."

Holly looked back at the name and it clicked, "Wait, wasn't she the girl..." She couldn't bring herself to say it, she was really hoping she was connecting the dots wrong.

"She was the girl Perrick killed. He hit her in the head with a door at a party," Gail's hand instinctively traced her own scar, "before shooting her up with ketamine and another drug: acepromazine. Then he dragged her out of the frathouse. When they asked witnesses why they didn't stop him, most people either hadn't noticed or believed him when he said she had drank too much and hurt herself so he was taking her to a hospital. No one wanted to get the party busted. Then he brought her back to his place, tied her up, stitched up the cuts on her body. He healed her before he raped her." Holly shuddered at the disturbing thought but didn't interrupt. She had a feeling Gail just needed to get the words out. "He had her for days. Kept her sedated with drugs until he finally gave her too much and she overdosed. That's when he dumped her body."

When the silence lasted a bit, Holly asked, "How do you know all these things?"

"Peck." Gail replied bitterly, "My parents showed me the entire case file. Showed me what could have happened because I had been careless and stupid. It was supposed to be a warning, I guess."

"Seriously?" Holly asked, struggling to hide her disgust that the elder Pecks would traumatize their daughter with something like that.

Gail shrugged, she was used to her parents messed-up form of parenting. There was more she wanted to say, now that she had started to explain. She started again just as abruptly as before, "I didn't even want to go that night. But stupid McNally had broken up with her boyfriend, again, so she convinced me to go with her. And it was the last party Nick was going to before he went back to Vancouver for the spring. So I figured I would go, let McNally hook up with some college bro, and I'd go home with Nick, since we were still hooking up even though we broke up when he had left in the fall. But Nicholas wasn't answering my calls once we got to the party and McNally dumped me to go talk to strangers, but eventually I found the two of them together. I had a couple of drinks then I went upstairs to find a bathroom before figuring out a ride home and that's when..." She put her drink down and slammed her fist into her other hand, making a loud clap. Unfortunately it also had the effect of sending pain radiating through her left forearm. She winced slightly and picked up her drink with her good hand. "At the hospital I was still too out of it to remember what had happened. They did a rape kit on me just in case...but he didn't... he didn't rape me if that's what you're wondering. I guess he wanted to wait 'til he had me at his house to really get the party started."

Holly felt sick just listening to what had happened, but she did her best to just listen, she could process what Gail told her later when those blue eyes weren't shining in front of her.

"If it wasn't for Oliver, I would've been her. And in case almost getting kidnapped and killed by some deranged lunatic wasn't enough, I then had to survive the Peck inquisition. Superintendent Peck decided that being saved wasn't enough, she wanted me to come forward and tell everyone that I was some kind of big hero who stopped a serial rapist-turned-killer. It was going to be some kind of big PR spin because Pecks...Pecks aren't victims...Pecks are heroes. Except I wasn't a hero. I was just some girl who got attacked at a party and rescued by a friend of her brother's. Oliver though, was a real hero. He didn't know it was me at the time. He just saw something that didn't look right and went to investigate. By the time he had reached Perrick, I was already in the guy's trunk. But Oliver knew he had seen him with some girl. So he wouldn't let the guy get in the car. It turned physical and the cops came to break them up. God, I still don't even know what made them look in the trunk but they did and found me tied up."

Holly knew Oliver's part in all of it. She hadn't been at the party, too busy studying and dating Jess. But she had heard about Oliver saving a girl at a party from Oliver himself. He didn't mention anything about it being Steve's sister. Although it made sense now why when Steve had come back after that ready to execute Bibby himself, considering before that he had been one of the people giving Juliet a hard time, not wanting to believe his best friend at the time had been dealing drugs, especially not those kind of drugs. But she just sat quietly and watched as Gail nervously fidgeted with the cup in her hand.

"They didn't know about her when they found me. I was still in the hospital when some dog found her body in an alley. He left her next to a dumpster under a pile of trash and no one had known where to look for her." It still stabbed at Gail the way the girl's body had been left. That she had been all alone, with no one around to care. Discarded like a piece of trash.

"They built a circumstantial case connecting what happened to me to what happened to her. You see, there was a chance he was going to get off for attacking me since I was both drunk and drugged up so I couldn't reliably remember what had happened at the party and Oliver had been drinking too. Perrick was obviously denying everything until they found her. His lawyer brokered a deal to avoid a trial where he was just going to plea insanity. The detectives think that when he got kicked out of school he finally snapped completely. He went from date rapist to murder-rapist. Most of the girls he had attacked before had never come forward, so they couldn't link him fully to the sexual assault cases on campus."

Gail shook her head, "It was so messed up, Holly. All of it. And now I'm messed up too."

"You're not messed up." Holly ignored the snort of disbelief from the blonde, "You're not. Something awful happened and you survived it. That doesn't make you messed up."

Gail wanted to believe Holly, but the brunette didn't know half of what tended to go on in her head. "I'm sorry for unloading on you like this. You didn't sign up to hear about my problems or to be stuck in a graveyard." She stared off at the rows of the deceased.

"Hey, look at me for a sec." Holly waited until Gail's eyes met her own, "Thank you for telling me, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. You can talk to me about anything you want, whenever you want, Gail. I mean it."

Gail nodded but looked away again, she drained the last of the drink in her cup and placed it next to her, she picked up the bottle of bourbon and shuffled slightly closer to Holly, "This is for you by the way. I ummm was going to go see you after this and give it to you. Figured I owed you after I drank most of the bottle the other night."

Holly smiled at the kind gesture, but what really warmed her was the idea that Gail had been planning on finding her. She leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Gail's cheek. When she pulled back the blonde had a wide smile on her face. "You look tired and cold, and if I had to guess, you're probably hungry too. Think you're about ready to get out of here?"

Gail nodded and Holly climbed to her feet. She turned around and offered her hands to help the blonde up.

"Yeah, but I don't really feel like dealing with any people. Could we maybe just go back to your place? Hide in your room or something?" Gail didn't let go of Holly's hand as they started walking

"Sure, we'll grab food on the way, but you need to text your roommate and tell her you're alright."

"Fine," Gail dramatically grumbled, "but I get to pick what we eat."

"Of course you do." Holly chuckled and led them to her car.

---

They had picked up burgers on their way to Holly's apartment. After they ate, it hadn't taken much for Holly to convince Gail to take a hot shower at her place and to change into something comfortable. The blonde had protested about how boring it was to shower alone, but this time Holly wasn't persuaded. Afterwards, Gail had curled up on Holly's bed beside her and since she knew Holly needed to study she had asked Holly's to read her textbook aloud. It hadn't surprised the brunette when Gail had quickly fallen asleep. She found herself studying the slumbering girl more intensely than her book at first. The new haircut made it easy to see all of Gail's features, the cut of her cheekbones, the angle of her jaw, and the pouty lips were all on display for Holly to see. But so were the dark circles under Gail's eyes and Holly had to wonder how long it had been since she had actually gotten a good night's sleep. She realized that the night of Oliver's shooting probably wasn't a fluke. She wished there was a way that she could take away the hurt that Gail carried with her, or at least she wished she had seen it sooner. Maybe she could've helped more and Gail wouldn't have felt like she had to deal with everything alone. She realized that she was being a creeper and turned her focus back to the book in her lap. She would just try to be there for Gail more in the future.

Holly had been studying for a while and had managed to get completely engrossed in what she was learning that she was surprised when she felt Gail suddenly jerk awake next to her. The blonde was shaking slightly, her breathing erratic and she glanced around the room wide-eyed, but seemingly unseeing.

Holly reached for her immediately, "Hey, it's okay, it was just a dream, you're at my place."

Gail seemed to snap to attention and she quickly pulled away and shot up from the bed. "I have to ummm...go. I should go. You need to study." She was still shaking slightly from her dream.

"Whoa, Gail, wait. You don't have to go. You can hang out here as long as you want."

"No, I should really get out of your hair. I mean I kinda just invited myself over and then fell asleep and I-I shouldn't have done that." She was already picking up her clothes.

This time, Holly wasn't going to just watch Gail leave. She walked over to the blonde and placed her hand gently on her wrist, halting her frantic movements. "Gail, just...wait...hear me out." Gail stopped, she was still breathing heavily and wouldn't look Holly in the eye but she didn't move away either. "I want you to stay. You can stay and sleep or not sleep for as long as you want. But you don't have to go. It was a dream, you don't have to leave."

"I-I can't sleep Holly." Gail's voice cracked with the admission.

"Oh, Gail," Holly wrapped her up in an embrace and it took a moment but then Gail gave in, burying her face in Holly's neck, and hugging her tightly. "How long have you been having nightmares?"

"On and off since I got back here. But they're more frequent now."

"Is that why you don't like staying at night?"

Gail pulled away, "I don't want to...I don't want to hurt you, Holly." Her left hand flexed instinctively.

But Holly noticed the movement, "So, that's how you hurt your hand. Gail, you don't scare me." The blonde shook her head so Holly reached up to cradle her cheeks, "You don't scare me. You having nightmares doesn't scare me. They're just dreams, Gail. Trust me, stay, please?"

"Okay," Gail conceded and she allowed Holly to put her clothes back where they had been. The med student reached out and led Gail back to her bed. They settled back down but rather than keep her distance, Holly pulled Gail against her side. Gail laid her head on Holly's chest, settling herself with the steady beating of Holly's heart as the brunette ran her fingers through the short strands on the top of Gail's head.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did," Gail mumbled against Holly's sternum. She could feel the vibration of Holly's laugh and smiled to herself.

"Where were you this time, last year?"

"Amsterdam."

"Hookers and weed?"

"That was the plan."

"Did it work?"

"Not for long, made me too paranoid. But it was busy and distracting." Gail started to describe her stay in the city and the rest of the Netherlands.

Holly listened to the story and continued to run her fingers through Gail's hair, scratching gently at her scalp. She could feel the other girl relax under her touch. It may not have been much, but it was a start. At least Gail had stayed. They could go from there.

---

A/N: Let me know what you all think of this chapter, it was kind of a departure from the usual fluffy angst (angsty fluff?) I've been writing. Next chapter starts up spring semester for the group, and with it both new and old drama...