Freedom's Just Another Word

by snarcasm318

A/U: College is supposed to be their first taste of freedom, but for the last year Gail Peck had real freedom. Now she's back, within the grasp of her controlling parents, and forced to face the nightmares she's tried to leave behind. She's used to dealing with it alone, but does she have to?

28. Chapter 28

Ch. 28

A/N: Let's see how many people are still reading this...

TW: mentions of assault, rape, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, homophobia...there might be more stuff, so just be warned...

---

No one stayed in the house that night. While the obvious reason was that it was an active crime scene, the truth was that it was hard for any of the girls to want to be in the place that had been so violently invaded. Or at least that was what they had been told. It had taken a while before they had been able to get close enough to the perimeter for Chloe to flag down Officer Best. Then it was all statements and questions and shock and outrage.

That was, until Gail lost herself.

It had only taken a glimpse of a detective and Gail was thrown back two years to when the woman had visited her in the hospital to take her statement. The drugs weren't even entirely out of her system yet causing everything to feel distant and weird. And suddenly her mouth tasted like iron and her face felt sticky. She wasn't outside, but surrounded by four sterile white walls and there were lights that were too bright. She couldn't swallow, her throat too raw and swollen. Then the woman was sitting in front of her again, and even though her head felt a little less foggy everything was still unclear. And there had been questions, and more questions, and statements that sounded like questions, and questions that sounded like accusations, and looks of pity, and words. Too many words.

But just when the thoughts were getting to be too much, the feeling of a gloved hand taking her own pulled her back from the brink. The white walls were gone, and the lights were only the flashing reds and blues, and the questions she heard weren't directed at her. The panic was gone and she was left with Holly. Just Holly. Who had warm eyes, and a crooked smile, and an ability to soften the rough edges of the world around her. The only person who could stop her from feeling alone in a crowded room.

They had all gone to the hospital. They had to see Traci and Andy for themselves. Andy had taken a blow to the head, but nothing that required stitches. But it was the bruises on Traci's neck that had Gail gasping for air herself. And that time instead of a hospital, she was in a frat house, and it was dark, and loud, and hazey. There was an arm around her throat and her head felt like it was splitting in two. But then she was outside again, leaning against a quiet Holly, who held her closely, letting her breath so deeply it felt like the cold air would burst her lungs. She hid until visiting hours were over and they were all forced to leave.

Everyone was quiet when they returned to the guys' house. Even Chloe was uncharacteristically somber. They felt fractured. Jerry was a wreck. Sam was wasted. Both had spent their time blaming themselves for not being with the girls when they had been attacked. No one was going next door that night, but it was eventually time for sleeping arrangements to be made.

Juliet would crash in Nick's room, sending Duncan into Dov's empty bed after he left for Sue's for the night. They offered for Gail, Frankie, and Chloe to stay in the Mancave as well. Insisted they stay, really, but Gail had no intentions of being surrounded by people who wouldn't understand when the nightmares came.

Of course, for Gail there was a very obvious alternative. She had a place to go. She didn't even need any words. Just silently slipping her hand into Holly's. Holly smiled a small smile and gave the hand a reassuring squeeze. An invitation and acceptance wrapped in one. But while Gail and Holly's conversation was silent...

"I know what you've done on that couch, Sammy! There is no way in hell I'm sleeping on it."

The two seniors had been in an escalating argument for the last fifteen minutes, and neither seemed to be budging on the issue. Frankie was refusing to stay in the guys' house and Sammy in his drunken wisdom was refusing to let her go next door alone.

"You're being a drama queen."

"I barely want to sit when I'm here, I am not crashing here."

"How about my couch?" Holly interjected, trying to prevent Frankie from getting any more agitated. It drew everyone's attention to where Gail and her were standing. While Holly was prepared to step away, put a little distance between herself and the blonde for the sake of Gail's privacy, the blonde wouldn't let her and pushed in closer.

"Damn, there was once a time when I had bed privileges. I see how it is, Stewart." Frankie shot Gail a look, even though she was (mostly) joking. She laughed as she blocked the elbow Chloe aimed at her ribs.

"That's exactly how it is, Anderson. You can stay with us too, Chloe. The couch pulls out to easily sleep two."

Sam sniggered, "You're really offering Frankenstein unchartered territory?"

Chloe caught a hold of Frankie's arm before she could catch Sam who ducked even further out of reach, although his smarmy smile remained. She laughed though when he drunkenly stumbled over his own feet.

For once Gail agreed with Sammy. "You're going to regret that decision, Nerd. Probably have to burn the couch after they're done."

But Holly remained unconcerned. "It's yours if you want it."

"I do," Chloe chimed in and looked at the senior expectantly.

"Fine," Frankie grumbled, she let Chloe wrap her arms around her middle, but she still refused to smile.

"Are your roommates going to mind us crashing there?"

Holly waved off Chloe's concern. "They'll understand." Gail snorted. "Fine, Rachel will understand, and Lisa will have to deal."

"Well, I'm all for annoying the Boob Job, so how about we get this shit show on the road."

With those lovely parting words, the girls gathered their things and headed out for the night.

---

"Are you worried about them being here?"

Gail had gone to get ready while Holly helped set up the living room for Frankie and Chloe. She had texted her roommates on their way over, but they had barely made it through the door before Holly was being pulled away and down the hall to explain in person why the apartment suddenly had three houseguests. By the time Holly had been freed from the inquisition she found the blonde curled up in her bed under her blankets. But she wasn't sleeping. No, the night owl was staring blankly at the ceiling with all the lights on in Holly's room.

"No, I share a room with Princess and the house isn't exactly soundproof. Plus, I don't think I'll be the only one not sleeping tonight."

Holly nodded and went about her nightly routine. She could feel the way Gail's eyes watched her as she navigated her own room, stripping out of her clothes and into pajamas. She shut off most of the lights, only leaving on the one that she could reach from her bed. She slipped into the side that had become hers whenever Gail was around, careful to leave a small distance between their bodies. She knew that Gail wasn't always comfortable cuddling and she doubted that she would want to feel smothered, especially on a night like that one. She looked at the blonde's profile, blue eyes still focused on the ceiling above them. She could see the way Gail's muscles strained to remain composed, the effort it was taking. Because she wasn't calm, there was too much tension in the way her body rested, too many things swirling behind those eyes that wouldn't quite meet her own.

"Are you worried about Andy and Traci?"

"What? Psshhh...no. Why would I be worried about them?"

Gail cared about her friends a lot more than anyone gave her credit for. But Holly could see it. She knew the blonde wanted to be able to talk to them about what happened, and to offer support, but all of this was going to trudge up memories that Gail already felt she barely had control of.

"Because they're your friends and they dealt with some stuff today."

Holly waited. She was good at waiting. She'd wait forever for this woman beside her. She watched the way her brow furrowed. The occipito-frontalis muscle. She watched the jaw clench. The masseter. And relax. The lateral pterygoid. And okay, yes, it was weird to run through all the muscles that were being used by Gail as she sat there thinking, and she was certain the blonde would call her a nerd if she knew what she was doing, but she was a med student, and science helped calm her. And she needed to be calm for Gail, so that Gail had someone she could lean on, if she wanted. So she continued to watch and wait and trace the pathways from muscles to nerves in her head.

"Shitty stuff." The words were soft, and quick, released on a deep breath.

"Very shitty stuff."

Gail finally turned towards her. "Do you think they were telling the truth?" She noticed the way Holly regarded her, resting on one elbow, head tilted slightly in confusion. "Not about being attacked. I saw the marks on them. But about being okay? Do you think the guys really got there in time?"

"They said they did. And from what that one officer said, Traci did some real damage with that bike lock." Officer Williams had sounded suitably impressed by what Traci had done to the boy's face.

"Yeah...but...like-like that doesn't mean they're like actually okay."

Holly felt an actual ache in her chest at the amount of distress in Gail's voice. Her desire to comfort Gail coursed through her entire being. She wanted to wrap her in her arms, to hold her close, to promise her things would be fine, that her friends were fine. But it was a promise she couldn't make and she knew that touching wasn't welcomed, not yet at least.

"You can ask them when you see them tomorrow." It was more a suggestion than answer, a chance to push the worries away for a little while, to set the weight of the world down for just a few hours, till the sun was back up and a new day could shed some light on them all.

But it was met with incredulity, with bitter resignation. "They're not going to tell me."

"They might..."

"What? If I tell them what happened to me? So we can have some kind of weird support group thing? 'Survivors of college assholes who want to rape and kill you'."

The words were sharp, her tongue quick and lashing, but Holly didn't even flinch, seeing the reaction clearly for what it was. It wasn't an attack against her, Gail was attacking herself. She was hurting for her friends and clearly tearing herself down for not helping them more.

"You don't have to tell them."

"I don't want to."

"Then don't. It's okay."

Simple. She wanted to keep things simple and underwhelming for Gail. To keep her calm, but let her know that she was allowed to feel however she wanted. She knew that was something Gail had never had. Something the Pecks had never given her. A place where she could actually feel things. So she'd keep them simple and give her some needed affirmation.

The scowl on Gail's face intensified for a second, and when Gail moved, Holly doubted her approach, expecting her to leave the room entirely, to take off like she was prone to do. But she was surprised when Gail simply shifted in the bed, closing the gap between them and tucking herself under Holly's chin. Holly sighed, there was a relief that came with being able to wrap her arms around the pale body pressed so close to her. Firm but not too tight, she wanted to be able to steady her, not sink her.

They were quiet for so long that Holly could feel herself starting to drift as the body she held relaxed as well. Gail's breathing was regular and deep, lulling her slowly, but the light was still on in the room, dragging Holly back from the brink of sleep repeatedly. She reached behind herself, trying hard not to disturb Gail in the process, but the second the light went out she felt the body stiffen again. Gail must not have really been asleep and Holly immediately regretted her decision. She started to reach again only to feel a hand stop her. Gail didn't say anything as she turned over, taking the arm with her. Holly shuffled closer until the lithe body was nestled securely in the crook of her own once more. She pressed a soft kiss to the blonde's temple.

"I hope it doesn't suck as bad for them."

When the whispered words reached her ears, Holly stopped doubting herself, she tightened her hold and breathed reassurances along soft skin. There wasn't much she could do. She couldn't erase Gail's past, she couldn't undo what had happened to her or Andy or Traci, but she could ease a little of the hurt, she could maybe make it suck a little less in that moment, so that's what she would do, and she'd keep doing it as long as Gail let her.

---

It turned out to be more than one night. They stayed out of the house for the week. Each of the girls would stop in to shower or get clothes, but when night came, they all went elsewhere to sleep. It wasn't until the following weekend that Frankie had finally had enough.

Living in close quarters with Lisa had done a number on the senior. It wasn't the med student's reaction to her. Frankie could take the aggressive flirting, the haughty insults, and the lecherous looks. But anytime Lisa' gaze turned to Chloe, Frankie could feel the anger boil inside of her. It wasn't like Chloe needed her protection, but she wasn't going to sit idly by when someone insulted her. It had taken more than a few interventions from Holly to prevent Frankie from being the reason Lisa needed her own plastic surgeon.

"I'm not letting a couple of dickheads prevent me from living in my own house." Frankie aggressively slammed down her shot glass and reached for the beer in front of Holly only to get her hand swatted away. She scowled at her friend, but Holly refused to give up her drink.

Chloe fidgeted. "It just feels weird now."

"Yeah, because we let them scare us out of our home. Well, I'm done with that shit. They don't get to win."

"It's not letting them win."

"It is, if we let them make us afraid."

"It's not that simple. Traci and Andy can barely manage to go in there to get their clothes. It's not the same unless we're all there."

"Then you don't have to come with me. But that's where I'm staying tonight."

"You just miss your closet," Gail teased, catching the tail end of the debate as she returned from serving other people. She had listened to Frankie complain the entire week and was growing tired of it. Not that she really wanted to go back either, but the apartment wasn't that large, and there were way too many people in it.

"I have never missed being in the closet."

"Then you miss getting laid."

"Who says I haven't been?"

Gail turned to Holly, "I told you we were going to have to burn that couch."

But Holly simply smiled into her drink. "It's Lisa's couch."

"Nice," Gail gave the brunette a high five before heading back to the bar to count out her tips as her shift ended.

"I'm not doing it." Apparently the argument had continued in her absence. "I'm not spending another night there."

"So let's stay with everyone else at the guys'." Chloe continued to reason, she had already tried giving her best pout but it didn't seem to be working.

Frankie was still adamant. "No, absolutely not. I'd rather sleep in my car than their house."

"Just let her go back, Princess." Gail told her roommate as she pulled a chair on the other side of Holly. She reached over and took a sip from Holly's drink, laughing at the look of outrage on Frankie's face.

"I don't want her there alone."

"Then go with her."

"It's not the same!"

"You're going around in circles and it's annoying." Gail could feel Holly's hand rest on her thigh, giving it a light squeeze, a reminder to play nice. Something that didn't seem that hard to do when the touch allowed her body to relax even more.

"Jules!" Frankie brought the other senior to their table. "Are you ready to go home?"

The other brunette folded her arms across her chest and dropped her weight to one hip as she considered the question. "Are you?"

"Yes!"

"I'll be there." No matter their ups and downs, Juliet wouldn't let her friend go back alone.

Apparently, it wasn't enough to satisfy Chloe who continued her protest. "It's not Juliet that I'm worried about."

"Then why don't we just ask them if they want to go back? But no matter what they say, I'm still going back, and since I'm not going to be alone..." Frankie tilted her head in Juliet's direction who nodded as well, "you really don't have to come."

"Why are you being so stubborn about this?"

"Why are you?"

Chloe stormed off in the direction of the other freshman by the dartboards.

"Frankie," Holly had long ago mastered the ability to turn Frankie's name into a chastisement. A prerequisite if their friendship was ever going to last.

"C'mon, we can't stay with you forever. We have to go back eventually, so why not now?"

"You know you can stay with me as long as you want" Holly pressed on when she noticed Frankie opening her mouth to protest "But even if you don't want to…"

"I don't want to anymore."

"Obviously. But that's not the problem here. You could be nicer about it. Clearly she's upset."

Frankie sighed, running a hand through her hair as she looked across the bar to where Chloe was obviously pouting as she was talking animatedly to Nick. She didn't appreciate the glare she received from the boy, but pushed away from the table anyway. She was quicker than Holly when she grabbed her friend's glass and finished the drink in one large gulp before stomping off.

They all watched as Frankie gently pulled Chloe aside. No one could hear the quiet murmurings over the noises in the bar, but they watched Chloe's standoffish demeanor subside, and Frankie eventually pull her into an embrace.

Seeing Frankie be so open with her affection was...well, it was just plain weird for Gail. Of all the people she had met that year, it had been easiest to relate to the mordant senior. They were both bitchy and standoffish and it worked for them. Unlike the people they lived with, they both were more subdued in displaying their feelings. Well, Gail definitely was, Frankie only seemed to be when it came to anything more than superficial attraction. But there was Frankie, openly holding Chloe close while they spoke. She had no issues threading her hands through the red hair or pulling Chloe in a for a quick kiss in front of all their friends and strangers in the Penny. It made her feel Holly's presence beside her that much more keenly. Shouldn't she be more comfortable by now showing her feelings? She shouldn't be second guessing holding Holly's hand or kissing her cheek or throwing an arm around her shoulders. But it was so much easier to do all that when it was just the two of them, and no one was around to judge them, or to remind Gail that she wasn't good enough for Holly.

When Frankie and Chloe returned to the table they were accompanied by a nervous looking Andy and Traci.

"Okay, let's settle this here and now. I'm going back to the house tonight. Juliet already agreed to join me. You don't have to if you don't want to, but if you do, you all won't be alone." Frankie bluntly informed the freshmen.

Andy and Traci exchanged a look.

"I don't know..." Traci started, her hand nervously touching at her neck.

"You really don't have to come. I'm just letting you know it's an option." Frankie's voice softened in a way that Chloe was familiar with, but rarely anyone else. "But I'm not going to hide away from our house."

Chloe looked around at all of her housemates, "I'm only going back if everyone else does."

Andy nodded along, "I'm okay with it, what about you Trace?"

Traci coughed trying and failing to hide her discomfort. "Ummm…" She hesitated, looking anywhere, but at her friends, feeling trapped under the weight of the decision. "yeah...ummm...okay." She tried to mirror the encouraging smiles she saw, but it felt lackluster at best. "I mean we are paying to live there, right?"

"Thank you! That's what I said."

"So we're all in agreement?"

Gail had remained quiet while the rest of the girls were discussing the house. She felt a heightened level of tension in her body, she had come to recognize this near constant level of anxiety, but wasn't sure what was triggering it. Holly leaned over, her hair brushing along Gail's shoulder.

"You can still stay."

She exhaled. The words were a relief, one she apparently needed, an escape plan even though she knew she couldn't take the offer. This was something she had to do with her friends. So she shook her head reluctantly, "Solidarity and all that jazz, Lunchbox."

"Right."

She could detect the small hint of disappointment captured in the word, even though the smile on Holly's face was encouraging. It was still a little unfathomable to her that even with all the time they had been spending together, Holly would want to spend more with her. She realized though in that moment that just because she had to go back to the house, she didn't have to do it alone. She reached under the table, finding Holly's hand and threading their fingers together.

"You can come too. You know, if you want."

"Do you want me to?"

Rather than throw the question back, Gail didn't hesitate with a "Yes."

"I'll be there." Holly assured her, giving their joined hands an extra squeeze.

"Gail, you're being quiet. You're coming home, right? We all have to."

"I swear, Princess, if you even attempt some kind of musketeer chant, Anderson is going to hate me for at least a week."

"Why would….You know what, never mind. But you'll be there, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah, pretty sure I caught BitchTits looking up ways to poison people without getting caught and since I don't know if that's meant for me or Anderson, it's about time we head back."

"Nah, Lisa is way more likely to hire a hitman than go through the effort herself. Well, that or talk me into it." Holly pointed out.

Both Frankie and Gail exchanged a look. "Are you planning on researching ways to poison us?"

"Who says I need to research it?"

"Congratulations, Gail, I think you may have finally met your match." Traci laughed, feeling secure with the safety of the table between them.

"So was it Gail or Frankie that corrupted you?" Juliet asked Holly.

But Frankie responded faster. "Eh, she came that way. I tried returning her once, but couldn't get my money back. So….oof."

"Thank you, Chloe." Holly smiled at the redhead as Frankie scowled and rubbed gingerly at her side.

"You're welcome, Holly. B-T-Dubs you're more than welcome to come to Girls' Night."

"Ugh don't call it that." Gail grimaced.

"Why?"

"Because I don't participate in Girls' Nights."

"Well, that's what it is, and since Holly's a girl she's invited to Girls' Night too."

"Why don't you focus on your own girlfriend, Princess, and leave m-"

The words halted in her mouth, just at the tip of her tongue. She could taste them, verging on the brink of being said. But she still wasn't ready to call Holly her girlfriend, especially since that was a conversation they had yet to have. Even if it felt like Holly was her girlfriend. Afterall, they had basically U-Hauled that entire week. But what if Gail asked and Holly refused? Or what if the brunette realized that Gail was too much of a mess for anything serious? No, no it was better this way. At least without labels she was able to keep Holly in her life, without being a constant disappointment to her.

"Leave what, Grumpy?"

"Leave Holly alone."

"That's not what you were going to say."

"That's exactly what I was going to say."

"No it wasn't, you were going to say to leave your gir-"

"Are you a mind reader now, that you know what I'm thinking." Gail spoke over her roommate before Chloe could make things worse. They had everyone's attention by that point and she was not about to be goaded into a conversation or a label by someone as effervescent as Chloe.

"Doesn't take a mind reader Gail to know what you're thinking."

"Then what am I thinking of now?"

"You're thinking of ways to hide my dead body."

"False, I have Holly for that." Her smirk grew at the sound of Holly's laugh. "I'm thinking of what would be the most painful way for me to kill you."

"Jeeze, since when did everyone in this house become so murdery."

It was just a joke, but it sobered the table quickly. Sensing everyone's discomfort, Holly stepped in. "I'll be more than happy to join you for Girl's Night. I just need to make a pit stop at my place, but I'll meet you all there."

"Why? I'm pretty sure Goldilocks has half your wardrobe in her room already." Frankie pointed out.

"You know, if I wanted to spend my entire night with assholes, I would've just stayed on the clock." Gail grumbled.

"Awww, what's the matter Peck? Don't like it when people are pointing out the obvious to you?"

"Really, Anderson, really? You want to play that game?"

Holly stood up, her chair scraping against the wooden floor. "It's getting late, I should probably start going if we plan on heading to your house at some point tonight."

Gail stood as well, "Come on, Nerd, I'll walk with you." She was happy to get away from her friends and a little time alone with Holly. It was going to be a rough night and she needed to store some happy thoughts to make it through.

"You two better hurry up and not get any ideas because we're going to wait right here until you get back." Frankie warned.

"Please, hold your breaths." Gail suggested as she steered Holly through the crowded bar and away from the annoying people she lived with.

---

"It feels weird here." Chloe decided as they made their way into their own home.

Nearly a week away and the place still kind of felt like a crime scene. After the police had finished their investigation, some of the guys had come over to clean up. They had righted chairs and furniture. Thrown away the busted lamp and cleaned the broken glass. They repaired the door handle on the garage. They said it was the least they could do, it was their attempt to make it easier for their friends. But it wasn't easy. It was eerie.

"Think we can get Celery to do some kind of spiritual house cleansing?" It was half a joke, half a suggestion.

"She'd probably love to."

"Someone should text Oliver."

Frankie rummaged the cabinets for the alcohol. A night at the Penny wasn't nearly enough fuel for this. "You really want some of her weird voodoo magic mumbo jumbo swirling around here?"

"It couldn't hurt."

"Yeah, well, I don't think it's a seance we need. It wasn't ghosts that fucked this place up." Frankie plopped onto a couch as they all settled into the living room with glasses in hand. Some on furniture, others on the floor, Chloe was practically on Frankie's lap and Gail had positioned herself so that her head rested against Holly's knee.

"Maybe we should talk about something else?" Holly attempted to take control of the conversation when she caught sight of Traci and Gail's tense demeanors. She knew they were for different reasons, similar, but not the same.

"No, we should get this over with and stop ignoring the elephant in the room."

And yet no one spoke. There were really only two girls in the room that had been there that night. Two who had stories to tell. But it didn't seem like the words were forthcoming and no one wanted to be the one to ask. Well, Frankie would probably ask if Chloe hadn't asked her to behave before they left the bar.

"I should have listened to you, Gail."

Everyone turned to look at Traci. She had tucked herself into the corner of one of the couches. A pillow on her lap and knees pulled close to the chest. She wasn't the usual confident girl walking around with a bright smile. She looked tired.

"What does Gail have to do with this?" Juliet asked the question they were all wondering.

"She kept warning me that Corey was bad news. She even said he was stalking me. I kept ignoring her."

"You couldn't have known."

"Clearly she did."

"I wish I had been wrong." It was probably one of the only times in her life Gail could honestly say that. But she did. She wished she had been wrong about the guy or his intentions.

"How did you know?"

Gail only shrugged, but it was Frankie that swooped in, "Let me guess: it's a Peck thing."

"Well, I didn't notice anything and I was raised by a detective too." Andy pointed out. Her dad had taught her how to shoot a free throw, how to pick a lock, and how to flip a guy twice her size. But she had no idea what had been going on right under her own nose. She hadn't thought twice about the unlocked door, or the flowers when no one seemed to know where they came from.

"Yeah, at least he taught you self defense." Juliet reasoned.

"And thank God, Traci was a boxer too." Chloe seconded.

They all drank to that.

Frankie polished her drink off and reached forward to fill her glass again. "So they were just waiting for you when you two came home?"

Traci nodded, "Yeah, I had picked up Andy from practice and ran in to grab my stuff for work and next thing I know I'm getting grabbed from behind when I went up to our room."

"Same thing happened to me when I went into the living room. I don't know maybe the door was unlocked or maybe they broke in, but they were definitely here before us." It wouldn't have been the first time someone forgot to lock up (Andy was notorious for it).

"So those flowers were from them?" Chloe asked. She remembered picking up the strange bouquet the night of her date with Frankie. They had just assumed they were from one of the boys next door. She shivered slightly, feeling like she had picked up a cursed object. She could feel Frankie's grip around her tighten, a sure hand rubbing comforting circles on her knee.

"Yeah, apparently it was part of the sick fantasy. Corey would act like it was some kind of twisted romance." Traci shared what the detective had told her.

"His friend certainly didn't." Andy rubbed at the spot on the back of her head. She could still feel a knot there, wincing slightly when she pressed a little too hard.

"It could have been any of us."

They all looked around, drinking quietly from the cups in hand.

Frankie ran a hand through her hair, breathing heavily through her nose. "Shit, this all reminds of that mess with Bibby and Perik."

The name caused Gail's fingers to twitch, struggling not to reach up to touch the jagged line traversing her forehead.

"What is the deal with this Bibby guy?"

"Yeah, what happened that caused everyone to turn against Juliet?"

"Wasn't Bibby one of Steve's best friends?" Andy had definitely met the boy at the Peck house back when she was actually friends with Gail, before that one party when all the shit with Nick had gone down.

"And all of ours. He was in the frat with Steve and was always hanging out next door. Juliet and him were dating when she found out he was selling date rape drugs. One of the people he was getting them from was a guy named Ross Perik." Frankie explained to the younger girls.

All the freshmen had seen the news. The attack on campus that the University hadn't been able to cover up had come after acceptances had been announced.

"Wasn't that the guy..."

Gail wasn't sure she was breathing at all, the air felt stuck in her throat. But she couldn't move or speak or do anything that may draw attention to herself to her discomfort. Even the way Holly's fingers gently brushed along her scalp wasn't enough to calm her. But she couldn't run, couldn't let the others see her fear or the questions would begin and they wouldn't end until they all knew the truth. And that was just something she wasn't ready for. It wasn't something she thought she'd ever be ready for.

"Who killed a girl? Yeah. He had been terrorizing the campus for years, apparently attacking girls at parties then he snapped when he was kicked out of school for stealing the drugs from his program. That's when he started kidnapping and killing his victims."

It felt like the room was spinning. Hearing her friends talk about what had happened. Like it had happened to someone else. There was no way they could know. No way they knew that it was her.

"Oliver was the one who finally stopped him. Ran into him outside the frat house and got into a fight with him, apparently when the cops came they found some chick in the trunk of the car he was trying to drive."

She had felt the way Holly had tensed as well at the shift in conversation. She could feel the brown eyes watching her carefully but discretely. She couldn't be the one to end the conversation though, she'd just have to grit her teeth and bear it.

"Does she still go here?"

"As far as we know she was never a student here. But they never released her name."

"Damn, we used to crash those parties all the time." Andy tilted her head to indicate Gail, completely oblivious to the way the pearly skin had paled further.

"You two were lucky. Peck was just his type. He had a thing for pretty blondes. Actually the hair cut might have saved you."

"Shut up, Frankie." Holly snapped, causing the green-eyed senior to bristle at the sudden sharpness.

"Jeeze, Holls, chill out, I was just kidding."

"Well it's not funny, knock it off." The two friends stared at each other in a tense silence, while the rest of the girls watched.

Chloe cleared her throat, "Okay, now can we change the subject?" She turned slightly to look at the sulking senior, the one who seemed ready to get into with Holly, she purposefully drew Frankie's attention to her and looked at her, imploring her to drop the topic and the fight.

"Yes, please." Traci readily agreed.

With the hard part over, the girls slipped into a normal conversation, trading topics involving their classes, and work, and friends, and graduation. But through most of the talking Gail remained quiet while Holly soothingly played with the ends of her hair. It wasn't really enough to release the tension. The one that felt like a vice grip on her chest. She was trying to hold it together, but the panic was barely remaining below the surface. But there wasn't much she could do in a room filled with all the people she lived with. They would notice and ask what was wrong if she tried to leave. So she kept her mouth firmly shut and tried to focus on the calming feeling of Holly beside her.

They both chose to ignore Frankie's scrutiny.

---

"What's going on with Goldilocks?"

The contents of the fridge rattled as Holly started. "Fuck, Frankie."

"You wish."

Holly traded her death grip on the fridge door for her sternum, despite knowing that it would do nothing to actually slow her heart down. "You gave me an arrhythmia. What are you doing down here?"

"Couldn't sleep. And it looks like I'm not the only one. So let's go back to my original question: what's going on with Gail?"

"You're awake because you're thinking about Gail, should I be jealous?" Holly teased, despite her discomfort.

"Because I asked about your girlfriend or because I wasn't thinking about you?"

"Obviously both."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better you did cross my mind. You've both been acting weirder than usual tonight."

Holly shrugged, hoping it came across far more nonchalantly than she felt. "Everyone's just a little tense being back here after what happened."

"I think there's more to it than that."

"Like what?" Holly avoided her friend's watchful gaze, staring blankly at the packed shelves.

Frankie pressed her weight against the door, shutting it and reigning in Holly's focus. "Like whatever happened a couple of years ago that caused Gail to flee the country."

Holly shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "Erhm. What are you talking about?"

"I think you know what I'm talking about. You've never snapped at me like that and I've said some crazy ass shit to you. You don't yell at people."

"You weren't being funny, Frankie. Talking about being some predator's type isn't funny."

"I wasn't trying to be funny. But you gotta admit Gail would've been the perfect fit for the girls he went after and it turns out her and McNally used to come to the parties here."

"Have you been watching Veronica Mars again? You're not a detective yet, Frankie."

But Frankie ignored the teasing, continuing with her train of thought, feeling like she was definitely on the right track each time Holly tried to deflect. "Awful coincidence don't you think?"

"Ok, seriously, who talks like that in real life?"

But the senior kept on, "That the girl that got attacked wasn't a student here or that the police were able to keep her name out of the papers. That would take an awful lot of power to hide something like that. Then of course there's the fact that she took off for Europe apparently without telling anyone and she pushed off her acceptance the same year all of that happened."

"You better than anyone should be able to respect someone's privacy, if Gail had reasons for leaving for a while that's her business."

"I'm not going to tell anyone Holls, but is it true? Was Gail the girl Oliver saved at that party?"

Holly didn't answer her, pushing Frankie out of the way of the door and reaching for the water inside. She focused on moving around her friend to fill two glasses.

"Well shit." Frankie settled back against the counter.

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to. It's written all over your face and hers every time the attacks get mentioned or his name gets brought up. It's why she barely sleeps isn't it?"

"How do you know she doesn't sleep?"

"Dude, she shares a room with Chloe."

"Oh...right," Holly finished softly. Gail had told her plenty of stories about how heavy of a sleeper Chloe was. That it often came as a relief and one of the "few" reasons she didn't mind sharing a room with the redhead (though she would deny it to the moon and back if ever asked). Apparently, Chloe hadn't been as oblivious as Gail had assumed.

"Frankie please promise me you won't say anything to anyone and that you won't talk to Gail about this. It's up to her to choose who she wants to share it with and when."

"I bet it's why Oliver put her in our house in the first place." Frankie mused to herself.

"Frankie!"

"What?"

"Promise me!"

"Alright, I promise. I won't say anything, Holls, but fuck, man, that sucks."

The pair grew quiet, Holly traced the condensation on the glasses beside her. While Frankie ran a hand through her hair. The silence between them was the heaviest it had ever been.

"Hey, did you get lost?" Gail paused in the kitchen entryway when she noticed that Holly wasn't alone. Her gaze sweeping back and forth between Frankie and Holly, the tension in the room palpable. "What's going on?"

Holly glanced at Frankie, a silent conversation exchanged. "Sorry, did we wake you?"

"You did," Gail indicated Holly only.

"I am not louder than Frankie!"

"No, but Frankie wasn't the one that left me all alone."

The smirk on Gail's face widened as the faint pink tinge hit Holly's cheeks. "Oh."

"Yeah, but at least it's nice to know you're not talking to yourself, Nerd. Although, your choice in company could be better."

"Excuse you, Peck. There is no one better."

" 'cept me, Anderson."

Frankie rolled her eyes at the younger version of herself. She turned to Holly, "You might want to take Goldilocks back to bed before she finds her way into mine."

"Pretty sure yours is already taken or did you manage to forget about my roommate?"

"Nope, definitely not forgotten, just recharging my batteries."

"Really don't need the details about what you two do in your bedroom."

Frankie snorted. "Well-played. But don't let Holly fool you, she's- "

Holly cut off the banter with a slightly sharp "Goodnight, Frankie."

Frankie regarded Holly for a minute, always one to test her limits. But she could see that her friend wasn't nearly as amused with her as she was with herself. She had gotten her answers and the blonde one was right. She had left a special someone in her bed. "It certainly will be." She winked at Holly, and chuckled at the disgust on Gail's face before heading to the stairs.

Gail moved into the kitchen, pulling herself up onto one of the counters. She reached into the cabinet by her head and pulled out a bag of cheesepuffs. She offered one to Holly, despite knowing that the med student despised the cholesterol-inducing goodness. She was pleasantly surprised when Holly moved closer to her, more than a little stunned with how smoothly the brunette snatched away the treat with her teeth.

"What were you two talking about?"

Holly hesitated as she chewed, she couldn't help it. How could she tell Gail that they were talking about her, talking about something so personal and painful, something she knew the blonde hated talking about? Hell, all it had taken was Nick mentioning the "engagement" and it had been enough to send Gail into a full-blown panic attack. She had felt the way Gail tensed earlier in the night. She couldn't do this. Not now. Not that night.

"Frankie was just upset that I yelled at her." They had talked about that. Well, kind of.

"Why'd you do that anyway?"

"Because she was being an asshole and someone needed to. I know you can take care of it yourself, and if she was annoying you you could've said something, but I couldn't just sit there and let her start bringing all that stuff up and saying the things she was, it wasn't okay and she needed to know that. But I'm sorry if I overstepped or-"

Gail cut her off with a kiss.

"I was rambling again."

Gail nodded. She put the bag aside and wiped the orange dust from her hands, before pulling Holly closer, so that the taller girl was settled as close as possible. She rested her hands on Holly's shoulders, and could feel Holly's hands lay gently on her hips. "You were. But that wasn't why I kissed you."

"No?"

Gail shook her head and softly kissed the brunette again. "Thank you, for trying to protect me, even if it was just against Frankie."

There was a small twinge of guilt that Holly could feel tugging at her stomach. Her half-truth weighing on her conscious, but it had been a long night for all of them and Gail was looking at her like she was something wonderful. So she pushed the heaviness away and let herself enjoy the moment for a little longer.

---

She could feel the blood in her head pulsating to the beat of the music in the bar. It was as loud as ever and even with the dim lighting she still felt nauseous every time she opened her eyes. The headache had been innocuous enough at first, just the start of a regular headache. The was the niggling in the back of her head that should've served as a warning, but she ignored it, drinking a glass of water instead. But as the day progressed the slight discomfort had somehow evolved into a full blown pounding and she was fairly certain that somehow had managed to tie a belt around her head and were trying to squeeze the gray matter out.

It was the lack of sleep. Not that Gail ever slept much but her body seemed to be on an even higher alert ever since they returned to their house. And with midterms around the corner, there was just no rest for the weary. So she closed her eyes tight, applying pressure at the bridge of her nose, and just hoped the over the counter meds she stole from Charlie's office were enough to keep the pain at bay.

Making her way back to the bar, she found a very haggard looking Chris sitting on one of the stools. The boy looked far more bedraggled than a normal freshman male.

"Dude you look like shit!" Gail pointed out, even as she struggled with her own discomfort, reveling in the fact that someone else looked as bad as she felt.

"Yeah, ummmm, not feeling great." Chris wiped at his face with clammy hands. His hair was longer than any of them had ever seen it and he pushed it away from darkened eyes. "I kind of ummm need a little bit of a favor."

"What is it, Christopher?" The words were a little more biting that she intended, but she was fairly certain even her teeth her were pulsating at that time, the pressure was getting to be too much.

"I'm kind of going to be a little short on rent money this month. Do you think you can give me a loan till I can talk to financial aid about it."

"I thought you were going to do that last month after you borrowed from me." Traci cut in, having overheard the conversation from where she had been piling plates.

"Yeah, no, sorry I haven't had the chance. But I'll pay you both back. I promise. I just need a little somethin to tide me over."

"Do I have the letters ATM stamped on my forehead?" If she did it would at least explain the migraine.

"What? No. Please Gail I just really need a little cash. I'm completely strapped and you have an income."

"Then get a job, ya bum."

"I will, I will. I'm just really stressed right now. Come on, Gail. We all know you don't need the money."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I mean you're a Peck, right? Everyone says the Pecks are big shots. And it's not like Steve had to work in college. Look, I don't have that, okay? There's no one for me to ask."

Gail knew that Chris's home life was rough. That he had spent most of it taking care of his mother who was unstable on a good day. So she did her best not to rip his head off for bringing up her family or their money. That wasn't the problem anyway. It wasn't that she couldn't lend him some cash. She just wasn't sure she should.

"I just don't understand where all your money is going? Your scholarship covers tuition and living expenses and you had no problems last semester, so what's the deal?"

"I don't know. I guess I just didn't plan right." But Chris was growing more agitated by the minute. "Look if you're just going to be a bitch and not give me any say so and I'll ask someone else."

"What part of this conversation was supposed to make me want to give you money? And what the hell happened to the nice guy from Timmons who was all "gosh darn" and "shucks"."

"I never talked like that. And maybe it was too much time spent with selfish people like you."

Chris stormed away from the bar, crashing directly into an unsuspecting Holly. He barely muttered an apology on his way out the door.

Holly rubbed at her arm as she approached the bartender, "What's up with Chris?"

"You okay?" Gail's eyes wandered over Holly's form, worry clouded the sapphire eyes.

It was kind of adorable how concerned Gail was. Not that Gail Peck was ever adorable. Nope. Never.

"Yeah, clearly better than him." She pointed over her shoulder in the direction the tall boy had just exited.

"Yeah, well, I'm a bitch for not wanted to loan him money until he told me where all his went."

Holly settled onto a stool, "Why did he need money?"

"Apparently he's short on rent, despite having a scholarship and borrowing from Traci."

"That's strange."

"They all are."

"Hey," Traci playfully hit Gail with the rag in her hand when she heard the comment.

"Hey yourself. That's assault, Nash."

"Hi Traci." Holly offered the waitress a sweet smile and was greeted with a blinding one in return.

"Hey Holly. Glad you're here, maybe now Gail will actually be nice." Traci raised her eyebrows and laughed at the disgruntled expression on the blonde's face.

But Holly was quick to defend Gail. "She's always nice."

"See." The petulant freshman stuck her tongue out at her housemate.

"Okay, now I know you two are serious, because only someone in love with her would think she was nice."

Both Holly and Gail choked at the words, causing Traci to laugh as she walked off to serve her tables, with a triumphant swagger.

After seeing the equally distressed expression on Holly's face, Gail decided to pretend nothing had ever been said, "So what brings you in?"

"Ahem...Meeting Frankie here." Holly gave Gail the once over and smiled, the right side pulling up slightly higher than the left into a crooked grin. "Plus, I'm enjoying the scenery."

"Yeah?"

"Yep." Holly popped the "p".

"Didn't realize sweaty college kids was your thing."

"Sweaty college bartenders are definitely my thing," Holly braced herself on the bartop, leaning over so that she was hovering just beside Gail's ear. "Especially when they're in my bed, screaming my name."

Gail would be a bloody liar if she even pretended the cocky, confident med student wasn't a complete and total turn-on.

She licked at dry lips, smirking when Holly's eyes followed the movement. The flirty banter was the first thing all day to successfully distract her from the pain in her head. (Or maybe the medicine had finally kicked in). "As much as I'm enjoying the prospect of ending my night like that, don't you have a test coming up? I didn't expect to see you here."

Holly sat back into her seat with a bit of a dramatic sigh. "I always have a test coming up, but I've been studying all day, I can spare a couple of hours."

"So you're spending it in a bar."

"With a supremely hot bartender."

"Sweet talker."

"What time do you get off tonight?"

It was Gail's turn to lean over, resting one arm on the bar and dragging a finger along Holly's jaw drawing her closer by the chin, "Well that depends on how quickly we make it back to yours."

Her response quickly shifted into a small yelp when Frankie snuck up behind Holly, causing her friend to jump and pull away abruptly from the blonde behind the bar. She was still chuckling as she grabbed the stool next to Holly. "Am I interrupting?"

Holly cleared her throat, "It's about time you showed up."

"You're so dramatic."

"No, complaining that I've been here forever waiting for you would be dramatic."

"Like I said, you're dramatic. And what are you whining about. So you've spent however much time flirting with your girlfriend. What's the problem?"

"The problem is that I need to study and work and I only came here because you begged me to."

"I did not beg you. I was bored and I knew you were around. Plus, you already told me that your test wasn't this week."

"I really hate you sometimes."

"You love me all the time."

"You wish."

"I know."

Following the interruption, Gail had gone to some customers who were flagging her down, she walked back over and interrupted the bickering friends, "Pick your poison, Anderson."

"Tequila. Dealer's choice."

"How about you, hotstuff?"

"Same."

Frankie took a long sip from the margarita placed in front of her. "Damn she makes a good drink. Maybe you should keep her around, Holls."

"That's the plan." Holly watched Gail saunter over to a different group of customers with a wistful smile. She reluctantly dragged her eyes away, taking a sip from her drink and doing her best to focus on her friend. "Where's Chloe tonight?"

"Not sure." Frankie offered a shrug, "She had something to do with her family, I think."

"Ah, so I'm your back-up plan."

"You know you'll always be my number two."

"You sure know how to make a girl feel special."

"Well I've never…." Frankie trailed off as she looked around the crowd, getting distracted when she noticed a familiar brunette with a wide smile. The same girl that she hadn't seen for years before they ran into each other in the exact same bar a couple of weeks prior. The same night shit had hit the fan.

"You've never…what?"

"What?"

Holly tried to figure out what had caused her friend to lose her train of thought in the middle of a sentence. "What's got you so distracted?"

"Nothing." Frankie tore her eyes away quickly and focused on her drink. When she looked back up she made eye contact with LauraLee and noticed the woman maneuvering in her direction. "Ummm you know what? Hold that thought. I'll be right back."

Frankie sprang out of her seat, leaving a bewildered Holly behind. But the med student caught sight of who Frankie was going to meet before the two had slipped into an empty booth. It was odd that the senior would know someone who had only moved to the city a few months prior. Weirder still that Frankie had never mentioned her. Now her interest had been really piqued. How did her friend know the new social worker? And why were they sitting so closely?

Gail had come back while Holly had been contemplating the strange development. "What's the deal over there, Lunchbox? How does LauraLee know Anderson?"

"I'm not really sure, but I think they might know each other from before college."

They both did nothing to hide the fact that they were watching the two girls from across the bar. It was obvious that they hadn't just met if the way LauraLee was leaning in and touching Frankie's hand was any indication.

"They seem a little too friendly."

"Jealous?"

Gail huffed at the teasing. "Of course not."

"You're a good roommate."

"What? Pssh no. I just don't want to deal with a moping Princess again. Plus, I get the room to myself when she's with Anderson."

"You care about her and Frankie."

"No, I care about her staying with Frankie. Keep up, Nerd."

"Right." Holly rolled her eyes but let Gail maintain her denial. " I don't know what's going on. Frankie hasn't mentioned her before." But it was definitely suspicious.

"Is that weird?"

"Not entirely. It's not exactly easy keeping up with Frankie's social life all these years."

"You mean all her hook ups?"

"Pretty much."

"Well are you going to find out?"

"I can try."

The two girls stood, LauraLee hugging Frankie before exiting the bar. Frankie stayed stock still staring at the closed door for a few beats before turning back to where she had left Holly. When Gail saw Frankie heading in their direction, she decided to make herself scarce. "To be continued…"

"Sooo…" Holly started the second her friend returned to the stool beside her.

"So what?"

"How do you know LauraLee?"

Frankie shrugged, "I don't really know her."

"Is that why you left in the middle of a conversation to go talk to her. Because it looks like you know her."

"Maybe you need a new prescription." Frankie reached for the dark frames adorning Holly's face.

But the med student easily blocked her friend's attempt to mess with her glasses. "Maybe you should stop trying to deflect. Come on, you let her hug you twice now. So what's the deal?"

"Maybe she's just a friendly person."

"Maybe we should stop saying maybe."

"Well maybe I would, if you would mind your own business."

"Touchy. Why are you being so secretive?"

"I'm not doing anything. I'm a popular person, people know me."

Gail returned, she fixed Frankie with one of her best Ice Queen glares.

"What, Goldilocks?"

"How do you know LauraLee?"

"Fuck, what is this? The fucking Inquisition?" Frankie grabbed her glass and cut across the bar to the area where the pool table had just opened up.

"So what is she hiding?"

"I have no idea, but with enough tequila, she'll probably tell me eventually." Gail fixed a couple more drinks before Holly headed off to continue the conversation.

---

"I knew I should have cut the two of you off sooner." Gail grumbled to herself as she struggled to help a staggering Holly into her apartment and out of her jacket and shoes. A concept that was proving rather difficult for the genius level IQ at the moment.

"Ugh, I blame Frankie and her stubbornness. If she would've just told me what her and LauraLee were conversing about, I wouldn't have had to keep buying her shots."

"You do realize that you can't outdrink Anderson, right?"

"Hindsight is 20/20." Holly hiccuped.

Gail continued ushering the brunette throughout the apartment that had become like a second home to her. She was eventually able to get Holly out of her jeans and top and into something more comfortable. Luckily, the med student became pretty pliant when she was drunk and it was easy to coax her into drinking a few glasses of water before they settled in Holly's room.

The medicine she had taken earlier in the day had been enough to take a little of the edge off of the pain in her head, but the pressure was already building again. She tried to ignore it.

"Hey are you feeling okay?" Holly's glassy eyes looked at her with concern.

"I should be asking you that, Nerd. How many of me can you see right now?"

"There's only one very, verrrrrrry beautiful blonde woman standing in front of me."

"Maybe I should give you tequila more often, if you're going to be such a smooth talker."

"Really, though," Holly gently if clumsily brushed a hand through Gail's bangs, pushing the growing hair out of blue eyes. "What's wrong?"

Gail's eyes fluttered closed at the gesture. She was such a sucker for the med student's magic touch, uncoordinated though it was. "Just a headache s'all."

Holly's hands came up to trace the blonde's features, thumbs grazing over the bags under tired eyes. "Have you been getting any sleep?"

"Some."

"Not enough."

"How do you know?"

"I can tell."

"Ouch Lunchbox."

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just not easy to keep my eyes off of you. You kind of radiate your own magnetic pull and even when I shouldn't have I can feel myself drawn to you. So yeah, I notice things, like when you seem even more tired than usual, but it doesn't mean you're not still gorgeous because, God, you really are."

"Tequila makes you ramble."

"You make me ramble. I'm surprised you didn't kiss me." Gail smiled and gave Holly a soft kiss. She smiled wider when Holly sighed contently and rested her forehead against her.

"Come to bed, Gail."

"Don't wanna. I won't be able to sleep and will just keep you awake."

Holly's forehead scrunched up in adorable concentration as she clearly considered Gail's predicament. "Have you eaten at all today?"

"Probably." Actually, she couldn't really remember the last thing she ate. Her head had made her nauseous most of the day.

"Eat something then come to bed."

"Since when do those two things have to be mutually exclusive?" Gail teased but the kiss she gave Holly was a simple, gentle press of her lips, a punctuation mark more than a start of something.

"They don't." Holly agreed, her hands slipping up from curvy hips to the warm skin under Gail's shirt.

But Gail caught the wandering hands. It was already late and she predicted the brunette would have wicked hangover in the morning, she knew that it would be best if Holly tried to at least sleep some of it off. "I guess they do, tonight. You should go to sleep, Nerd, you have work in the morning."

Holly pouted, but the blonde was being firm. She settled back onto her own bed, the softness of which started to let the amount of alcohol she consumed win out, her eyes felt heavy.

"Are you going to stay?"

Gail let out a sigh, as far as they had come, sometimes...just sometimes it was easier to sleep on her own. Or rather the fitful tossing and turning she was forced to acknowledge as sleep was easier to do when she didn't have to worry about disturbing Holly. Although, for as tactile as Holly seemed to be she always, always gave Gail some space in bed. And when Gail didn't want it, she would always open her arms to the blonde. She wasn't sure what kind of night it would be, she couldn't even remember her dreams lately just that always woke her in a cold sweat.

Without opening her eyes, Holly could sense the other girl's inner turmoil, and she hadn't meant to cause it. "It's okay."

"It's not." Gail protested, she was young, but she wasn't naive enough to not realize that her inabilities to trust, to explain, to...to stay were impacting the both of them.

"It is." Holly promised, the alcohol and comfort of her bed making it too difficult to stay conscious but she wanted to get the words out. "You can keep going if you need to, just so long as you keep coming back."

Gail sighed as the pressure weighing her down felt a little less stifling. She smiled at the stretched out brunette, running her hands through raven locks messily splayed along a pillow. "How are you real?" She wondered aloud.

But Holly didn't answer, sleep finally the victor. Gail wasn't ready for it to sink its clutches into her quite yet, but she also wasn't willing to leave the peaceful sanctuary either, so she kicked off her own clothes and slipped under the covers and let herself enjoy the warmth and comfort for just a while longer.

---

Working at the lab made it a lot easier to tear through the station. She was on a mission and it only took a few minutes for her to find the Peck she was looking for.

"We need to break up."

Steve startled at his friend's sudden appearance, his pen hanging limply above the report he was writing. "What?"

"Your mother just invited me to a family dinner tomorrow night. We need to break up and we need to do it now." Holly adjusted the glasses adorning her face, even though they sat perfectly. Her nerves were pretty shot.

"What do you mean she invited you?"

"She came to the lab and told me there would be a family dinner tomorrow night and as your girlfriend I was expected to be there." And Holly's heart had been hammering away in her chest ever since.

"Why?"

"I don't know, but she made it abundantly clear that I didn't have a choice. So we're breaking up!"

"Come on, Hol. Are you really going to send me to dinner with my mother after being dumped?"

Holly regarded his doleful eyes for a moment. They weren't the same blue as his sister's. Gail's were always more electric. And, fuck, approximately 2.5 seconds before thinking about the other Peck. Fuck, yep, she definitely needed to do this. So she nodded resolutely, "Yes, that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"Why? It's just pretending for one more night. We can break up right after. Please, Hols. Do this for me. Just one last time."

Gail was going to be there. That was why it was so urgent for Holly to end this sham relationship before sitting at the dinner table with the Peck matriarch. It was one thing walking around a party making idle chitchat and quickly moving from one group to another. It was a completely different beast sitting down with just the Peck family and being subjected to an interrogation over lamb chops. And in case that wasn't enough, she would have to sit across from the woman she actually wanted to be in a relationship with and lie about everything. She didn't want to do it. She wouldn't do it, not again.

"Hey, were you that hungry that you had to come up here?" Gail's voice broke through her inner turmoil.

The brunette whipped around to find the blonde Peck and a uniformed Oliver entering the bullpen with food bags in their hands.

Steve answered before Holly had a chance to. "Mom is enforcing a family dinner tomorrow night and Holly was invited. And before you say anything, she expects you to be there too."

"Balls," Gail muttered under her breath and Oliver clapped her on the shoulder, transmitting his sympathy. "Oliver, if you've ever cared about me you will bash me in the head with your baton, right now."

"No can do, Peckling. Too much paperwork." He chuckled at Gail's obvious disappointment.

"Yeah, well, at least you're not the one getting dumped right now." Holly could feel Steve's accusatory glare. But it wasn't her fault that he had kept this charade going for as long as they had.

"Huh?"

"Holly is trying to end our relationship so she doesn't have to go to the dinner."

Gail turned to the brunette with a new level of admiration, "I knew you were smart, Lunchbox."

Holly was ready to bask in that look from Gail. This was precisely why she had to end things with Steve. How could he expect her to sit under the Superintendent's scrutiny across from this insane woman and not trigger her suspicions? She was strong, but she wasn't strong enough not to melt at the sight of one of Gail's smiles. Her weakness had been growing the closer they became, at this point she was undeniably her Achilles heel.

But apparently Steve wasn't ready to throw in the towel yet.

"Please, Holly, I swear this will be the last time I ever ask you to do this for me."

"Steve..."

"If you won't do it for me, do it for Gail."

"Whoa, what the hell does your fake relationship have to do with me?" The younger Peck wasn't sure how she had gotten roped into any of this but she wanted nothing to do with it. It was definitely not her responsibility to help Steve continue to "date" her g...to date Holly.

"If Holly's there, Mom will have to be on her best behavior and it will distract her."

"She is not going to go easy on me just because Holly is there."

"I'll...I'll keep her distracted. Promise."

Gail didn't trust her brother's promise one bit. Even when Steve was on her side, it was never enough to hold her mother at bay and she wasn't sure what made him think Holly being present would be enough of a distraction to make the dinner even remotely tolerable. Besides even if Holly was enough to distract their mother, she wasn't willing to sacrifice the brunette for her own self survival (when the hell had that happened?!)

"She'll be distracted if you've just been dumped too."

"But if Holly comes then you'll have her pretty face to look at instead of just my awesome one."

Gail rolled her eyes. "It's Holly's choice."

Steve turned back to the brunette with his most pleading expression. It wasn't nearly as effective as the one Gail usually employed, but Steve had been her friend for years. If she had never met him in class, she may have never been introduced to Frankie, and never would have had the opportunity to get to know Gail. It wasn't that she owed it to him, but she had always been a sucker for helping her friends. She could feel her resolve wavering. It was only one more night. How much harm could it cause? And Gail didn't seem nearly as concerned about it. So maybe, maybe she could do this one more time.

"Fine, I'll go. But this is the last one as your girlfriend, Steve." She warned.

Steve bounced out of his chair and hugged her eagerly, "Thank you, you're the best."

"You beyond owe me at this point."

"I know, I know. Anything you need, I'm your man."

"She's a lesbian, Steve, the last thing she needs is a man." Gail pointed out.

Both Oliver and Holly attempted (and failed) to smother their laughter, especially as the two Pecks engaged in a glare-off. But Gail decided that she had had enough of her brother and the station, especially if she was going to have to deal with her parents. So despite her plans for lunch with Oliver, she grabbed food for both her and Holly, and dragged the brunette out the door.

It wasn't long before they settled in their usual spot near the lab. Gail easily plowing through her food at nearly double the speed of Holly, who was trying to fill in the blanks regarding the blonde's family and the invitation.

"You could've told him no." Gail told her between bites. She had meant it when she said that it was Holly's choice and she really hadn't liked the way Steve pressured the other girl, or the way he tried to use Holly's feelings for her as leverage.

Unlike her companion, Holly finished swallowing her food before composing a response. "If you don't want me to go, I won't." She knew how Gail felt about the dinners in general and she wasn't convinced her presence would actually make anything easier, especially under these circumstances.

"Oh no, you two are not putting this one on me. If the Superintendent wants you there I'm not going to be the one to get in the way of her plans. I'm still figuring out a way to get me out of it."

"Maybe it won't be that bad?"

"And maybe Global Warming is just a hoax."

"Global climate change." Holly grumbled.

"You haven't had to endure one of these. The parties are bad enough, but at least there's a lot of people there to keep her busy. It's just going to be the five of us and she's going to pick apart every aspect of our lives. She's going to offer "suggestions" and try to be "helpful". And I'm sure she's going to have great things to say about you and Steve while ripping everything I do to shreds."

"You really think she'll act like that in front of me?"

"You've seen her at parties, that's her when she's on her good hostess behavior. This will be her in her own private domain."

"Yeah, but she has more than a modicum of decorum." Surely, the Superintendent wouldn't go so far out of her way to tear down her own child in front of a virtual stranger.

"I have twenty years of experience to back me up, I thought you were a scientist, Nerd. Or do you just not trust what I say?"

"Of course, I trust you. I'm just trying to look on the bright side."

"The only bright side is that I'm going to have you to look at instead of Ginger's flaming locks. Oh and you're driving us that night, I'm not relying on Steve for our escape."

"Okay," Holly glanced at the time, she had already wasted her entire lunch break and her test samples should have been centrifuged by then. "I have about fifty samples of pipetting calling my name."

"Have fun with your science, Nerd."

"Try not to kill your brother, Danger."

"I'm not making any promises, do you think jail could get me out of dinner?"

"What do you think?"

"I think I'm already serving a life sentence."

"Look, how about this, for every negative thing your mother says about you, I promise to…" She leaned over, whispering into Gail's ear exactly how she intended to heal the wounds.

"That….that could work. But I think I might need some prophylaxis before we go."

Holly rolled her eyes, and pressed a quick kiss to the pale cheek. "Bye Danger."

---

"So, Holly, from what I hear you were responsible for taking down a corrupt doctor and his network at that clinic of yours. Maybe you should consider a career in law enforcement as well."

The meal had barely started before the Superintendent was showing off her ability to know the constant ongoings of her children's (and their partners) lives. Steve had been right that Holly had offered a distraction for their mother. New prey to sink her claws in. But that didn't make the conversations any less awkward or uncomfortable. It just shifted the discomfort to a new victim. And if Gail were being completely honest, throwing Holly to the wolves was almost as painful as sitting through a Superintendent interrogation herself. Of course, if there was one person that Gail was more adept at lying to than her mother it was herself. So she ignored the twinge in her gut she felt when Holly was looking a bit like a deer caught in the headlights, or the urge to reach across the table to hold the hand that was fiddling with the silverware on the table, to stop Holly from reaching up to adjust her glasses for the nth time that night. She told herself it was not proof of her growing feelings.

"That's not really..."

"Really, Steven, I'd watch out for her. If Holly ever decided to join the force she might just beat you out for detective."

Holly laughed uncomfortably, her gaze sweeping from the proud smile on Steve's face to the impassive blonde sitting across from her. She couldn't really control how often she was stealing glances at Gail. It helped to dispel some of the discomfort. It wasn't that Holly couldn't handle the Peck parents or spending time with a significant other's folks. But it was kind of hard when you were dating (or something) one of their children while pretending to be with the other.

"I know it caused a few issues for you, but if anyone is causing you difficulties I would be more than happy to have a discussion with them."

"Ummm...that's very kind of you, Superintendent, but really unnecessary."

"Oh, please call me Elaine, dear. And really it would be no problem at all. I know quite a few people in the medical world and I'm sure I could have them come to an understanding."

"Ummm...uhhh...really it's not necessary. Things are getting better."

"That's good dear. But the offer stands. Even if Steve isn't around, we're always here to help."

Both Gail and Steve exchanged a look, the comment about Steve's absence not going unnoticed by either Peck sibling. But the confusion on Steve's face indicated that he didn't know where he was going either. So clearly his orders hadn't been given yet. Really, it was quite amazing that the woman could know the constant ongoings of various departments but not who her children were really dating.

"And I thought you spent time there as well, Gail. Did you not notice anything suspicious?"

Apparently, the reprieve was going to be short lived as Gail actually felt the spotlight shift to her. Her mother's gaze burning hotter than the summer's sun ever had on her vulnerable skin.

"I didn't really work with the guy often, Mother." She muttered into her plate, before shoving food in her mouth to stop her from snarking at the woman.

"Really, Gail. Have we been so inept at teaching you to observe your surroundings? You don't notice things going on around you. And what's your excuse for where you were when Detective McNally's daughter and that other girl were being attacked in your own home."

"I was at work."

But Superintendent carried on, her daughter's explanation falling on deaf ears. "Apparently there had been flowers sent and similar incidents all around the campus. You really didn't notice anything suspicious?"

Gail didn't reply. She knew that no matter she said it wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't be a good enough reason for her not somehow protecting people like some kind of superhero. But she also couldn't tell her mother that she had noticed things and hadn't done enough to put the pieces together. That she had been too distracted being a normal 20 year old to be the Peck prodigy. She had already been beating herself up about the whole situation enough as it was.

"Luckily, those girls had been able to keep their heads and fight back long enough for help to come. It's those kinds of heroics that will get them far in their careers."

Gail felt the pit of her stomach drop. Her head was swirling and she had to fight back the urge to get sick right there at the table. She kept her focus on the plate before her, the fork in her hand hovering limply above it. Her jaw was screwed so tightly she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to eat again. It wasn't even the words being flung her way that cut the deepest, it was the ones unsaid, the discernible implications that she hadn't been strong enough to fight back, that she had needed to be saved, that she would always be a disappointment.

"None of that is Gail's fault. And it's certainly not her responsibility to protect everyone else on the planet."

Gail's eyes shot up from the plate to find Holly staring down her mother. The incredulity had been obvious in Holly's voice, but the look on her face screamed odium until Holly looked across the table and her eyes locked with her own. They warmed almost instantly.

"Not yet, but it will be soon enough." Elaine replied rather sharply before glancing across the table at her husband. She and Bill exchanged a look, before a mannered smile crossed Elaine's lips, an action that did nothing to soften her features. "Anyway, maybe we should move on to other topics. From what I hear, Holly, your hard work and discipline have impressed all the right people. You're setting yourself up for quite the future in forensics should you choose it."

"It's still too early to decide," Holly replied with a slight chuckle though to Gail's ears she could hear its hollowness. The brunette was obviously trying to reign back in her animosity. It was probably the first time she had failed at something in her life.

"Well Steven, you should really step up your game. We wouldn't want to lose someone like your girlfriend, now would we?"

Gail's hand clamped tighter around the fork. Her teeth felt like they might crack.

"Of course not, Mother. Holly is great and she'll make a wonderful doctor no matter what she specializes in." Steve reached for Holly' free hand and gave it a little squeeze, keeping up the ruse. He was rather oblivious to the fire burning in his sister's eyes.

"I'm just saying, a woman like this is not one you want to lose. Someone else might just snatch her up, if you're not quick enough." The Peck matriarch laid it on thickly. In fact, she had been meaning to give her eldest his grandmother's ring, having saved it for the day he found someone worthy of taking on the Peck name. It seemed he had done just that.

Gail was pretty sure she knew what Mount Vesuvius had felt like in AD 79, and her family was about to become Herculaneum.

"But really, your father and I weren't much older than you, Steven, when we were already planning a future together. Sometimes you just know when you've met the right one."

Okay, so Gail may have snorted at that one. The loud sound drawing everyone's attention to her.

"This is a house, Gail, not a barn. You could try talking instead of making noises if you have something to say."

"You don't want to hear what I have to say."

"Let me guess, it will be some tirade about the robotic conformity of blah blah blah. Marriage is a partnership and it's important that you find someone who is motivated and independent but willing to push you. Your brother was obviously able to understand that and he found someone on his own. If you would give even one of the men I've picked out for you a real chance you might be able to find someone as good as Holly."

And then she snapped.

"She's not Steve's girlfriend, Mother." Gail kept her gaze firmly fixed on Holly. She could feel her heart ricocheting in her chest. "She's mine."

A glance around the table would have revealed that her brother had turned paler than his natural complexion, that her father's face had set into the grim lines it often took when he was disappointed in his children, and the barely contained outrage on her mother's. But she was too focused on Holly, on the brunette's widened eyes and genuine shock coloring her features. The gorgeous features that they were.

"What did you just say?"

Gail finally tore her eyes away from the girl sat opposite her to look at her mother. She kept her face neutral, and voice clam as she repeated herself, "I said Holly's my girlfriend." The word rolling off her tongue far more freely than it ever had. It actually felt kind of good to say the words aloud.

"Really, Gail?" Elaine shook her head, clearly unamused by the small outburst. "These childish acts are getting out of hand. You're just embarrassing yourself at this point."

"I'm not embarrassed. I'm telling you the truth. Holly and I have been dating for months. She was never Steve's girlfriend."

"That's enough." The older woman's tone sharpened.

Gail turned to her brother, "Anytime you want to jump in here, Steve, please feel free."

Steve continued to silently stare down at the table until he felt a sharp elbow to his side. He looked up to find Holly glaring at him. He gulped slightly before meeting his mother's eyes. "She's telling the truth, Mother."

"I see." Elaine smoothly lifted the napkin from her lap, bringing it up to her lips, before calmly placing it on the table and standing up from her seat. "May I speak with you alone, Abigail?"

For a brief moment she contemplated refusing the request but one look at her mother's face told her it would only make things worse. Gail dutifully stood to follow the formidable woman to the kitchen, her feet feeling encased in lead. But before she left she caught sight of Holly's furrowed brow. The concern was radiating off the silent brunette so she did her best to smile to reassure her, but she was fairly certain it had come across more as a grimace.

Stepping into the kitchen, she found her mother standing with her arms folded and one foot tapping impatiently on the tiled floor. She had a few inches on the older woman but just being in her presence made her feel small in comparison.

"I've raised you better than to make a mockery of being gay. Honestly, pretending to date a woman for attention and having your brother go along with it is just unacceptable."

The urge to roll her eyes was strong. "Of course you don't believe me. I'm a lesbian, Mother. I am not making a mockery of anything. This is who I am and I've been with Holly for months. Steve is the one who's been lying to you."

"And what? Your girlfriend just went along with it?"

"We weren't dating when Steve asked her to be his date to your party. I had only just met Holly at the time, but they were never a couple. She's just been doing him a favor." It was probably for the best that Gail chose not to mention the fact that Holly had actually been dating a different woman at that time.

"And why would your brother need someone to pretend to be his date?"

"Maybe you should have hauled him into the kitchen and asked him that, Mother."

"Do not get snippy with me, young lady. You walk in here, proclaiming to be dating your brother's girlfriend, claiming that you're a lesbian, and that you've been sneaking around for months, so you will answer my questions, and you will be honest."

"I am being honest, it's not my fault you don't like the answers. But you're right, Mother, I did walk in here. So now this is me walking out."

When Gail stormed out of the kitchen and back into the dining room she could feel the tension in the room. Her father was still sitting silently reprimanding Steve with his eyes, while both Steve and Holly quietly stared at their plates. The discomfort was painful.

But her mother was hot on her heels. "We were not done discussing things."

"Come on, Holly, that's our cue."

The brunette sprang out of her seat, partially just at the relief of being able to escape the awkward night and partially because if she didn't hurry she wouldn't be able to catch the blonde. "Uhhhh….Thank you for dinner," She mumbled to the Peck patriarch, who still hadn't spoken a word.

They were almost to the door when Elaine's voice rang out. "You are not going anywhere."

Gail spun around to face her mother, "Yes, I am. I have a house of my own to go to and I do not need your permission to do so. You want more answers, the Golden Boy is sitting right there." She pointed back towards the dining room where she knew her brother was. "Ask him."

It wasn't the first time Gail had made a dramatic exit from that household. Too many expectations combined with a healthy amount of teenage angst prompted more than one quick escape growing up. But she had never defied her parents so openly before, and she had certainly never had someone with her when she did. Holly had gone with her, no questions asked, and was silently starting up the getaway car. She was sure that everything that happened that night would come back to bite her in the ass but all she cared about at that moment was getting as far away as possible. Holly seemed to have a similar opinion if how quickly they exited the driveway was any hint. At least she had been right about one thing: it really had been that bad.

---

Holly waited, keeping her hands on her steering wheel, and staring blindly at the street before them. Gail hadn't said a word the entire drive, but she couldn't bring herself to break the silence either, or even to look at the blonde beside her, certain that whatever she did next would be the wrong move. She had been wrong, oh so wrong, about exactly how far Gail's mother would push. And it seemed that the older woman wouldn't be satisfied until she broke her daughter, stripped her of her own self worth, and became nothing more than a puppet to her parent's string pulling. She wasn't even sure what had come over her to speak up on Gail's behalf. Well she knew what it was, an undeniable rage at the way Gail's mother would speak to her in front of a virtual stranger, and the knowledge that this was a regular occurrence. The exPecktations placed on the young blonde were not only impossible but frankly psychotic. So the words had bubbled out of her quickly and far more heatedly than was appropriate, but she wasn't even remotely sorry for it. Then there had been Gail's declaration. Now that had been a trip.

The blonde had been quiet throughout the entire car ride. She didn't say a word as they backed out of the Peck driveway and made their way out of suburbia and back towards the heart of the city. She had merely sat in the passenger seat staring out the window, with tense shoulders, and tired eyes. She hadn't even mentioned where she wanted to go next so Holly just drove, taking the long way back to the freshman's house. But once they got there Gail still hadn't said anything or made any move to get out of the car. So Holly just sat there and waited, and thought about everything that had happened.

She had been through enough of these nights to know that Gail was really just a supernova and Holly didn't want to get burned again so she was waiting it out this time. Maybe the worst part of it was that through all the awkwardness and tension of the night, there was still a part of her that couldn't tamp down the giddy feeling she had when the word girlfriend had dropped from Gail's lips. Okay, it was definitely not the worst part, but it was stupid really. The blonde had only said it in the heat of the moment, for a bit of dramatic flair, it hadn't meant anything. But hearing it had felt good, and for that reason alone Holly knew that she was doomed. Beyond doomed at that point. She couldn't stop that piece of her that wanted more, wanted it all with Gail, when the truth was that she wasn't certain she'd ever have it. She certainly wasn't going to push for it. She'd rather have Gail in her life as anything than as nothing at all. Yep, definitely doomed.

"I fucked up tonight."

There it was. Holly braced herself for Gail to take back the one word that had finally given some definition to what they were. Yes, labels were stupid, No, she didn't need one, but sometimes...well sometimes people wanted them. Sometimes people wanted to know where they stood with someone else. Where they stood with someone who had the ability to completely decimate them.

"I should've asked you first, not just blurted it out to my mother."

Wait...what? It wasn't what Holly expected and she couldn't stop from turning to look at the blonde. Gail was watching her reaction, nervously biting at her lip. But Holly couldn't find her voice and her confusion must have been evident.

"I should've asked if you wanted to be my girlfriend. Not just told my family that's what we were when I hadn't talked to you first. I'm sorry I just called you that, and in front of my mother of all people..." Gail groaned, she had been internally beating the crap out of herself the entire car ride. And now that she had started talking she couldn't seem to stop. "I shouldn't have -"

"Gail Danger Peck," Holly interrupted, her eyes sparkling, "Are you trying to ask me to be your girlfriend?"

"Uh…no" Gail rubbed nervously at the back of her neck, "I'm not trying anything." It was now or never, "I am asking you to be my girlfriend."

The one side of Holly's lips curled up higher than the other, the way it always did when she was amused by the blonde. That adorable, yet sexy lopsided smirk that always made Gail's heart beat faster in her chest. "Really, because I didn't hear a question."

"Holly, will you…"

"Yes."

"I could have been asking you to take me to Taco Bell for all you know."

"Were you?"

"No, but I could've been."

Holly leaned across the center console to kiss the ridiculous women in her passenger seat. "You're insane."

"You like it."

"I do. So, yes, Gail, I'll be your girlfriend."

And there was the megawatt grin, the one that not only lit up the blonde's features, but the dark street better than any streetlight. Holly's desire to see that smile grew with every passing day.

"Eager much?"

Holly rolled her eyes and did the only reasonable thing she could: she leaned over and kissed the woman again.

---

As much fun as making out in the car had been, the actual logistics of it had proven way too uncomfortable for two people who had their own homes. Especially when one of those two people had a queen sized bed and her own room. Surprisingly, it wasn't muffled moans, or stifled groans, or choked obscenities that had Holly's phone buzzing with angry texts from sleep-deprived roommates, it was the laughing, and giggling, and talking all night that they hadn't tried to contain (not to say the other things hadn't happened, they just weren't the only things that occurred that night).

In the past, it would've been a night to forget about the dinner and the arguments and insults. Gail would've used Holly, losing herself in the fit body, the tautness of the muscles along her neck as Gail sunk her teeth into them, the way Holly's abdomen tightened and stretched as she raked her nails along the defined lines, or how her back arched when Gail hit that spot in an effort to feel something other than the horrible disappointment of being herself that drowned her anytime she dealt with her family. But it hadn't been about that. The night had been a celebration, a step in the right direction, a confirmation of sorts. Because if anyone had asked Gail at the beginning of the year about getting into a real relationship (with a woman no less) she would've laughed in their face, hell, she had laughed in their faces. And yet when the morning light came, she regretted absolutely nothing about the night before.

"You're staring."

Gail smiled at the adorable crinkles that had appeared on the slumbering brunette's forehead, she was busted. "It's your fault."

"How do you figure?"

"You're gorgeous."

Holly's smile grew, but she still refused to open her eyes. "I'm sleeping, you should be too," Holly grumbled as she curled herself further into her girlfriend. Girlfriend, damn that had a nice ring to it.

"Actually it's time to get up, I have work, and so do you." The blonde whispered, tucking errant strands of hair behind Holly's ear.

But Holly just burrowed further, "Do we have to?"

"You're the one who insists on adulting."

"Maybe we should play hookie."

"Come on, Lunchbox, you know you want to get back to being a mad scientist."

Holly's pout vanished as she thought about the lab, "Dr. Torres did promise to teach me how to extract diatoms from a femur today."

"Nerd."

"You like it."

"Maybe, but come on lazy ass I need to leave and I'm not the only one." Gail continued to tease as she extricated herself from Holly's death grip.

"Maybe I should rethink this whole relationship thing. You were way more willing to stay in bed before." The med student huffed as she shifted herself further into the warmth of the bed.

"There's no going back now, Girlfriend," Gail warned, a smirk still glued to her face as she threw the sheets off of the cocooned brunette, causing Holly to squeal as the cold air hit her "there ain't no going back."

It had actually taken the promise of coffee and a quick breakfast together to finally get Holly out of bed, so that the blonde could head off to work and Holly could get ready to do the same. She didn't know why but she had an incredible amount of energy. Gail's body still felt like it was buzzing, drunk on something other than alcohol, despite yet another sleepless night. She took the stairs, needing to get rid of some of the energy, and tempted to turn back at every step for another fix, but she didn't. Responsibility was such a bitch sometimes.

Unfortunately, her Holly-induced hangover was rudely sobered the second she saw him outside the apartment building.

"What are you doing here, Steven?" She didn't even attempt to hide her annoyance at her brother's presence. She loved him, she did. But she wanted to enjoy something for just a few minutes before her family took that from her too.

"Good morning to you too, Garbage Pail."

And just like that all the resentment and pain and anger came crashing back into her, coursing through her veins, rattling her bones, and it was nothing at all that she wanted to feel. "I'm really not in the mood."

She moved past the red-haired man with the eyes that matched her own and in the direction of her apartment but his bulky figure stepped in her way. He continued to block her path even as she tried to step around him.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night. I told Mom and Dad the truth about everything."

"How noble of you." Gail spat with a bit more venom than she would normally direct his way, but fuck it, Steve deserved it. He started the whole mess with Holly in the first place and would have been more than content to just sit there, accepting their parents' praise and plans for their future, even knowing that she cared about Holly, knew that something had been going on between them. He should've respected their feelings, and not forced Holly into going anyway. And he had done nothing when the Superintendent had cut her down repeatedly. So no, he wasn't getting any "Brother of the Year" award from her.

"Look, I didn't come here to argue with you."

"Then why are you here?"

"To apologize and give you these." He tossed his car keys to his sister.

Gail let the loop bounce off of her, she stared blankly down at the keys on the ground. "You're giving me your car?"

"Temporarily." Steve corrected as he picked his keys up off the ground and stuffed them into his little sister's dumbfounded hand, "I'm going undercover and it might be a while. I need someone I trust to look after her."

"And you trust me?"

"No one more, baby sister. But if you scratch her, I will kill you."

She was unfazed by her brother's threat. But the prospect of him leaving helped to quell some of the anger she had been feeling towards to him. In fact, it was replaced by an even more unpleasant feeling. "So that's why we had to have dinner last night?"

It was right in the Peck wheelhouse for both parental units to know about Steve's assignment before he did. Gail wondered if it would be the same when she was inevitably in uniform. Of course, that would mean her parents cared enough to keep tabs, which she wasn't entirely convinced they did. She remembered the show she had put on the night before, and the unpleasant feeling became more debilitating.

"I guess so, I got my orders about an hour ago. They gave me just enough time to get a couple of things together, but looks like my ride is here so I have to go."

Gail let Steve hug her and she held onto her older brother a little tighter than she usually would. "Be smart," she whispered into his shoulder. Not safe, or careful, she needed him to be smart and a Peck. Because being a Peck would get him home, or at least she hoped it would.

Steve pulled back, his cocky grin returning to his features, "Always am."

She watched her brother disappear into a dark sedan and felt a pit in her stomach. They had grown apart over the years and he annoyed the hell out of her most of the time she was with him, but he was still her older brother, and the last thing she wanted was for something to happen to him. But this was the life Pecks lead, and one day it would probably be her getting into a car with barely a good-bye to her loved ones. She was still mad at him, but she'd have to wait to be mad at him when he returned (if wasn't an option she could bear to think about).

She glanced down at the keys in her hand. In the meantime though, she planned on putting a lot of miles on her shiny, new car.

---

"Alright so spill, what happened at the Peck dinner?" Frankie hadn't even waited for them to cross the threshold of the coffee shop before she started her line of questioning.

"What makes you think something happened?" But Holly was smiling, in fact her face hurt from how long the smile had been gracing her features. It had been permanently etched there since the moment Gail had called her her girlfriend. But to spill so quickly wasn't how this friendship worked. She knew Frankie enjoyed the detective work more so than the actual story.

"Well, you called me that day freaking out about what to wear and what the hell you were going to do pretending to date Steve while actually dating Gail and were fairly certain the Superintendent and Inspector were going to see right through you."

"I wasn't freaking out."

"You were totally freaked, so come on. I've barely seen Goldilocks and you never answered any of my texts that night."

"It was eventful." Was certainly one way to describe the night. Potential disaster was another. But how could she begrudge the night's start when it had ended so well?

"Meaning…"

"Meaning you should probably ask Gail if you want to know." Okay, that was kind of a cop out, but Holly wasn't entirely sure where Gail stood on announcing the newest development to their friends, even if the blonde had proclaimed it to her entire family.

"Oh no, you don't get to do that. I'm friends with both of you, so you can tell me just as much as she can." Frankie wasn't going to allow Holly the free pass.

Holly though was quick to turn the tables. "Okay, so I can go to Chloe and ask questions about you?"

Frankie scowled before catching herself and schooling her features towards indifference. She shrugged, "Sure, if you don't want to know anything."

Not her best decision. The strange comment caught Holly's attention. "So you still aren't telling Chloe anything?"

"We were talking about you and Peck, not me, stop changing the subject." Frankie sighed, disgruntled by both Holly's evasiveness and the shift in the conversation.

"What were we talking about again?" Sometimes it was too much fun to play dumb, even with an IQ as high as Holly's.

"You and your girlfriend."

Okay it physically hurt to smile that widely.

"Wait, what's that smile?"

"What smile?"

"That smile" Frankie poked her friend's cheek. "And did you just...did you just giggle."

"What? No!"

"Yes, you did, you just did it again. Since when are you the type of girl who giggles. Wait! Are you...you and blondie are actually dating?"

"Maybe."

"Oh no, that is not a maybe smile. Damn, so Gail finally went all in."

"Looks like it."

It was getting harder and harder to contain her happiness. It was probably a good thing, she was going into a career in medicine and not a life of crime. Or professional poker. Holly broke and explained to Frankie what went down at the Peck household the night before. She left out most of the details, but the bare bones of it were more than enough to satisfy the senior's desire for a little bit of gossip.

Frankie was suitably impressed and horrified by Gail's actions. "Leave it to Gail to make a spectacle though. That's one hell of a way to come out to your parents."

"Well, they are one hell of a set of parents to come out to."

With how well the night had ended, Holly had almost forgotten the dinner and the chaos of it all. She really hadn't given proper thought to the implications of Gail's actions or what it would mean for the blonde and her relationship with her parents. It was obvious the Pecks hadn't been pleased by the truth, but Gail hadn't wanted to talk about what was said in the kitchen and Holly knew the blonde would tell her when she was ready.

"That bad?"

"Worse."

Frankie knew what a bad reaction was. She could relate way better than Holly ever could, whose parents had never been anything but accepting of their daughter and who she loved. Hell, multiple generations of Stewarts took the "revelation" better than Holly had when she finally admitted the truth to herself. Meanwhile, there were still plenty of relatives who didn't have even an inkling as to who warmed Frankie's bed sheets every night. And there was certainly no one she could talk to about who had managed to scale the walls they had helped build around her heart.

"Eh shitty families happen." But the lightness of the conversation dampened considerably. Family conversations had a way of doing that to Frankie. Especially, when she was dealing with reconnecting with the embodiment of everything that had gone wrong (or right) way back when.

Sensing the shift in her friend's mood, Holly bumped her with her hip. "You know you can still become a Stewart."

Frankie smirked, rebuilding her facade. "Really? You finally get Blondie to commit and you turn around and propose to me."

"You know my parents already offered to adopt you. They love you for some unfathomable reason." It was true. The Stewarts had taken an instant liking to Frankie once it was established that her and Holly were nothing more than good friends.

"Uhh because I'm awesome."

"Eh." Holly laughed at the outrage on her friend's face. She took a sip of her drink and relished in the moment as she looked out across the park. There were kids playing on a playground not far away and their laughter carried in the breeze. It was one of those days where the weather warmed offering a temporary reprieve that everyone knew wouldn't last as winter tried its damnedest to maintain control.

Frankie's phone buzzed and Holly managed to catch sight of the screen before Frankie could swipe it open.

"What's going on with you and LauraLee?"

"What-er-what do you um mean?"

"Why is she texting you?"

"Why are you looking at my phone?"

"If you don't want people to look then don't wave it in their faces."

"Or you could just mind your manners."

"Come on, an entire night of drinking and you still won't tell me how you two met. I know she just moved here from Montreal, so how do you know each other?"

"I told you, we don't really." Frankie silently added the anymore to herself.

"Well, did you know that she just got out of a serious relationship. She had moved here with her girlfriend, but things didn't work out." Holly watched her friend's reaction carefully.

"You don't say." Frankie had heard that. From LauraLee herself. The other night at the Penny when they had actually sat down to talk.

"Pretty sure you knew that already."

Ugh, she really disliked how observant the scientist could be. "She may have mentioned it."

"I hope it was after you mentioned Chloe. You did mention Chloe, right?" Holly sipped her drink and waited.

Frankie hadn't mentioned Chloe. She just hadn't come up in conversation, and it made her feel weird. Not guilty, per se, because Frankie had no reason to feel guilty, right? But instead of questioning her own feelings and shortcomings, she decided to redirect her energy towards the judgemental tone, "What's your malfunction, Holls?"

"You and Chloe have come a long way this year, and you two finally seem happy." Frankie scowled. "Don't make that face." Frankie's face only contorted more, and she opened her mouth to protest, but Holly was quick to cut her off. "Chloe is a good person and she's good for you, Frankie. There's absolutely no reason for you to self destruct."

"Where is all this coming from?"

"I don't know, you've been weird these last few weeks. Ever since LauraLee came into the picture. And I know a lot of stuff has been going on, but you just seem distracted, and edgier than you had been. Plus, since when do you not tell me about the women in your life?"

Since the woman in question came from Frankie's hometown. Since it was the woman who first turned Frankie's entire world upside down (and rightside up) and helped her realize that there was something other a small town world and backwards thinking. The first real heartbreak Frankie had ever committed, and she knew it. But she didn't talk about that town or that time, not even with Holly except in the vaguest of terms. So Holly didn't really know about the one she let get away, pushed away with all her might, the one she didn't deserve back then as a scared 15 year old. And who she never thought she would see again, considering their paths were never meant to cross.

"I don't know what you expect me to say." Frankie sighed, the frustration evident in her voice.

"Fine, you know what, Frankie? Be that way. But I'm charging you double at your next therapy session when you blow things up."

"Wow, way to have faith in me."

"I have the utmost faith...that you are definitely going to destroy things with Chloe if continue to keep her at arm's length."

"You do realize that you keep missing the glaringly obvious point that Chloe and I won't make it past the summer."

"Says who?"

"No one has to say it. It is what it is. We're at very different points in our lives."

"Frankie, you're 21 for crying out loud, you and Chloe are only a few years apart."

"And I'm going to be starting my career, while Chloe's still going to be in college."

"It's the same for Jerry and Traci but they're not planning on breaking up."

"I'm pretty sure Barber has been planning to marry that girl since the first time he laid eyes on her, but that's not the point. The point is that Chloe and I have been doomed since the start."

"Yeah, because you constantly think of it like that. Just enjoy it for what it is, Frankie. Not all relationships are going to last, but that doesn't mean you have to destroy them so spectacularly."

Frankie realized that Holly was far more invested in this relationship than any of her previous ones, and she was fairly certain that she knew why. "Even if Chloe and I don't make it, that doesn't mean you and Goldilocks won't."

Holly startled slightly at the sudden turn, "I know that."

"Do you?"

"Of course." And intellectually Holly did know that. She knew that despite the parallels, Frankie and Chloe were not Gail and her. But that didn't mean she wanted to watch her friend mess things up just because a new face entered the picture. And okay, maybe it would be a little reassuring if she saw for herself that someone as anti-monogamy and relationships as Frankie could change, but she also cared that one of her best friends was happy. And Chloe made Frankie happy, when the stubborn senior was actually willing to let her.

Then again having barely entered the second decades of their lives it was hard to predict where any of them would be in the next five, ten, twenty years, or who would be there to see it all with them. It would take real work even to keep up their friendship, something that was constantly evolving, this year being a perfect example. Over the summer, Frankie and Holly were barely speaking, having been so wrapped up in their own lives but a run-in at the gym with Lisa no less had completely changed their trajectories and brought them back together again. They were both in better places than they had been, each with the girl they had tried so hard not to think about at that time. But the good thing about being young, they really didn't have to worry about it if they didn't want to. Of course, neither girl had ever been particularly good at that part.

---

Sleep was still a foreign concept to her. The only thing more stable than her relationship with Holly, was Gail's enmity with the Sandman. While it had always been tenuous at best, since returning to her house after the break-in her acquaintanceship with sleep was borderline abusive by now. If it wasn't nightmares bad enough to induce panic attacks, then it was just watching the clock torturously tick from the moment her head hit the pillow until that bloody alarm was going off on her phone, a gauntlet of her brain assaulting her with all the worries, shortcomings, and straight up failings she constantly carried with her.

And to make matters worse now Steve was off the grid. Not just away for the mission, but they had lost contact with him somehow. Oliver had told her. He shouldn't have, but he did. Because he was Oliver, and she deserved to know, and even when Steve was around, Oliver was her brother too. But Steve was missing and she had been mad at him before he left. Pissed beyond belief and she had been short and even though she had hugged him, she hadn't actually told him that she loved him and wanted him to come back in one piece. And of course it wasn't her parents who told her, even though they knew, they had to know, they knew everything. Except where Steve was right that second. Because apparently no one except the gang he had infiltrated knew that. And it could either mean that he had done his job really well, getting in deeper quicker than anyone expected, or it meant something went wrong. Oliver told her that Steve was a Peck so it was probably the former. She couldn't stop herself from thinking it wasn't.

She was fairly certain that her headache never completely abated day after day. It constantly seemed to be on the edges, ready to flare up again the second she got too tired, or too stressed, or too whatever. And there was this tension at the base of her skull that felt like a phantom ponytail pulled too tight. But that night it seemed to be growing stronger. The dullness giving way to the new stress that was quickly taking the reins of her overactive brain.

She thought about the number of steps there were between her room and the kitchen where they kept the big bottles of their over-the-counter meds. It seemed like far too many, when it was already difficult to open her eyes. She could just reach into her bedside drawer where a little cylinder of mind erasers existed. They could wipe away the pain and all her thoughts entirely. An easy solution to the constant crapfest her life had become. But she tried not to think about them, because sometimes the temptation was a little too strong.

So she tried to focus on the one reliably good thing in her life right then. Her girlfriend. Somehow that world hadn't imploded, hell hadn't frozen over, pigs hadn't flown, etc. etc. Things really hadn't changed at all. They still texted everyday, talked on the phone almost every night, saw each other when they could, and went on the occasional date if they could manage it. If anything, it had helped ease a little of the guilt she felt when she distracted Holly from her work for a little too long, or she "accidentally" woke her on nights she really couldn't sleep. She wasn't sure if the transition was so easy because of how long they had already been doing these things, or if it was just because everything about the med student seemed to come easier.

But she hadn't seen Holly since clinic that week. They were supposed to go on a date that night but Charlie had been short handed and asked her to come in. Holly had planned something but hadn't told her what. But she told her to go, to not worry because they could always go out another night, that she would probably just stay late at the lab, or spend some time studying, or hang out with her roommates, or something. That was the thing about Holly. She had her own life and didn't care that Gail had hers, she understood when things came up, and she never made Gail feel guilty about it the way certain exes had tried. And then Oliver had shown up to the Penny to pull Gail aside and told her what had happened with Steve. But there was nothing she could do at the time, but go back to work.

And now somehow it was early morning again and the only thing she wanted was to see Holly. it was the only healthy thing she could think to do at the moment to distract herself. She needed someone to talk to. Someone she could trust. It's what girlfriends were for, right?

Which was how she found herself outside of Holly's apartment without calling or texting first, with coffee and breakfast in her hands, hoping to catch the brunette before she left for the lab.

But life always seemed to have a way of shitting on her plans.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Honestly, it was the last person Gail had expected to be there. Probably the last person it should be when her head was already in a bad place. The worry and stress had been eating away at her enough, so this new level of bullshit was just a little too much for anyone to stomach.

"What does it look like?"

It looked like Holly's ex-girlfriend was standing in Holly's apartment wearing Holly's clothes and a smirk that Gail really wanted to knock off her face. The shirt an old Uni one that had an anatomically correct heart and read "I heart biology" was practically mocking her. It reminded her of the one she always stole that had a pedigree on the back with a variety of blood groups that didn't add up and read "Who's your daddy?" Holly had laughed at her when it became clear that it was Gail's favorite. But seeing the redhead wearing that shirt just caused her mood to shift to something slightly more dangerous.

"Move it, Ronald McDonald."

Jess crossed her arms over her chest and leaned in such a way that she managed to take up more of the entryway. "I don't think so."

"Get out of the way." The blonde growled.

"Make me."

"You don't want me to do that."

Jess stood up to her full height, utilizing the few inches she had on the blonde to try to intimidate her. "I really, really do. Come on, Blondie, there's no one here to protect you this time. It's just you and me. Unless you plan on having your brother come arrest me."

The mention of Steve from her of all people caused a very visceral reaction and Gail had to ball her hands into fists to stop herself from lashing out. "They weren't protecting me, they were trying to stop a coroner from having to be called."

In fact, if stupid Steve hadn't had a death grip on her, reminding her that their mother would have her head if she was caught at a party, drinking, and fighting, she would've handled the situation herself. Of course, if it hadn't been for the punch and Holly tending to her battle wound, she may never had gotten the courage to finally kiss the girl she had wanted to kiss.

"Well we can settle it right now, if you want."

"There's nothing to settle. I won, you lost, tough shit. I'm really not here to waste my time on you."

"Just here to waste Holly's time. When are you going to realize that Holly can and has done much better than you?"

"And yet I'm the one she chooses to be with."

"Not last night. Or you'd already be on this side of the door. Actually, I should probably be getting back anyway. Holly's warming up the shower. I shouldn't keep her waiting."

It was only then that Gail registered the sound of water running in the background and a song that she couldn't quite make out.

"Like hell you were."

"How do you think I ended up here? Trust me it was a wild night, but I'll spare you the details. So if you'll excuse us, I'm sure you can find your way out of here."

Gail didn't even try to stop the door from slamming in her face. She knew that if she stayed there was a good chance the police actually would be taking her away for assault. It wasn't because she was prone to violence, as good as she was sure it would feel, but she had very little doubt that the redhead wouldn't pass up the chance to call the cops and lie about her and that Lisa would probably back her up on it. The last thing she needed was her family's attention drawn. Especially since she still hadn't spoken to them since the last dinner.

So she headed back to her own apartment and grabbed the keys to her brother's car. Driving it reminded her of him more than anywhere else ever had. It reminded her of him driving her to school or to escape their parents. His crappy music on the stereo, his cologne overpowering the small space, but she could still hear his laughing and teasing as they would drive around the city aimlessly. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she needed something to help her get her mind off everything.

---

Holly heard a door slam over the sound of the water and her music. She wasn't sure if it was Lisa or Rachel coming or going. Or maybe it was whoever they had brought home the night before. Because unlike her, neither of her friends were in a solid relationship. She smiled thinking about Gail, still feeling slightly giddy that she could finally call her her girlfriend. She had been a little bummed that their date plans had fallen through but she knew that Gail hated feeling like she disappointed people, whether it was her, her boss, or her friends. So she had told her not to worry, and had meant it. But it had left her with an open night and plenty of energy that had seemed to carry into the next day. She had already been to the gym that morning, doing her best to be productive. She finished washing the suds off her body, figuring she should probably get a move on if she were going to get to the lab in time for her results to be in.

Wrapping a towel around her body and another into her hair, she was halfway to her bedroom for clothes when the last person she expected to see stepped out of her kitchen, coffee mug in hand.

"Jessie? What are you doing here? And why are you wearing my clothes?"

"Aw, Baby. There was once a time when you loved seeing me in your clothes. In fact, it was almost as much as you loved seeing me out of them."

It was true that there had once been a time when the sight of the other woman in her apartment, in her clothes, drinking coffee out of her mug would have been as natural as Frankie sneaking out of someone else's. But times had changed...thankfully.

So the brunette rolled her eyes, and started to continue on her way. "That was a long time ago."

"Wasn't that long ago, or have you already managed to forget now that you have that blonde whore warming your bedsheets?"

Holly turned, the anger straightening her spine as her grip tightened further on the towel covering her body. "Don't talk about my girlfriend like that."

"You're what?"

"You heard me. Gail's my girlfriend. And I don't know why you're here and I genuinely don't give a shit, but there is no way in hell you're going to stand here, in my apartment, insulting Gail."

"Why is everyone being so fucking loud?" Lisa complained, stumbling out of her room and into the middle of the tense room.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" Holly dragged a hungover Lisa into the kitchen. "Why the hell is she here wearing my clothes?" She hissed.

Lisa rolled her eyes and went straight to the coffee. "Because my clothes didn't fit and we were hanging out last night. I said she could crash here."

"Well, why the hell would you do that?"

"I know you're not giving me attitude when I've let Frankie and her new girlfriend sleep on my couch because they're your friends."

Holly wanted to argue back that it was different but she didn't have ground to stand on. "Whatever, I'm going to the lab, text me when it's safe to come home or I'll find somewhere else to sleep tonight."

"God, and everyone calls me the drama queen."

"Because you are."

"And yet, you're the one who can't handle being in the same room as an ex-girlfriend when you know I've been friends with her longer than I've even known you."

"I can handle it, I just don't want to. You want to spend time with her, that's your business but leave me out of it."

"Not everything revolves around you, Holly."

"Of course not, it's too busy revolving around you." Okay, maybe it was a little dramatic storming off in a towel, but she did it anyway.

"Damn right." Lisa called out, trying to get the last word.

And Holly let her. Because she was beyond done with the situation. She went to her room to change but before she could make it out of the apartment, she had one more run in with Jess.

"You're not seriously dating her."

Holly continued to gather her things, fully intent on not having to come back to her place at all that day. Despite knowing that it would be better to just walk away, Holly responded anyway, because she was more than proud of who she was dating. "Not that it's any of your business, but yes, I am."

"She is." Lisa confirmed from where she laid on the couch, bored of the entire conversation. She still didn't understand entirely why Holly was so head over heels for the blonde, but she had long ago accepted it. And Gail wasn't completely terrible, even if she was still convinced the blonde would eventually wreck her friend.

"Yeah, but she can't be serious about her. You can't be serious about her."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because she's not good enough for you."

"She's better than you ever were."

"Ha, I highly doubt that."

"Believe what you want, Jess, you always have."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you've never listened to me, or respected my feelings, I certainly don't expect you to start now. And unlike you, Gail can actually do both those things...and so much more." Okay, maybe being friends with Frankie for so long had rubbed off on her a bit. "But the point you really seem to be missing is that I genuinely don't care what you think or have to say anymore either. Luckily for me, I have work to get to."

---

Gail's wrist was aching. She had eventually gone to the shooting range. It was the only thing she could think of to do to clear her head. She had shot for hours, exchanging hands like her parents always forced her to do growing up, and ignoring the initial twinge when the kick of the gun torqued her wrist. And she had unloaded clip after clip even as the pain grew. She hadn't bothered with the brace that probably could've stopped her from hurting herself worse. Honestly, she didn't care about the pain. She encouraged it, craved it, to feel it was something other than what she had been feeling, and it was distracting, in a way that focusing on the target had always been.

It wasn't that she actually believed Holly would have hooked up with her ex, despite what the redhead had tried to convince her. Well, she was 85% certain at least. With Nick there had been signs. She had seen how close Andy and him were getting, but she told herself to ignore it, that she was being paranoid, that they wouldn't do that to her. She had obviously been wrong then. Was she really stupid enough to be fooled twice by the person she chose?

But Holly wasn't Nick. She told herself that again and again as bullet after bullet ripped through the paper at the other end of her booth. After everything she had been through with Holly, they were finally at a stable point in their relationship even if everything else in her life was rocky at best. So, it didn't make sense for Holly to turn around and do something like that. Right? No, it didn't. Holly wasn't a cheater. Even when the two of them had met, there were moments that could've been something more and the brunette would always pull away because she had a girlfriend. Holly knew what it felt like to be rejected and discarded for other people. It was something they had in common. She wouldn't do this to her.

She was still hurting by the time she went to her shift. Working through the pain, she was forced to carry crates and bottles, doing her best to ignore every twinge and pull. She couldn't wait until she could go home and ice the damn thing.

The bar was crowded, like it usually was on the weekends. The chaos and clammering of thirsty patrons was a welcomed distraction, though her mind kept drifting back to the scene earlier in the day. Shooting had helped calm her, but it seemed the longer the night went on the more the doubts crept in on her. Holly had texted a few times, and Gail had guiltily ignored them, but they were still on her phone every time she glanced at the time. She knew that the brunette would just figure she was busy, at least until her shift ended. And she wasn't avoiding her, she just couldn't deal with whatever had happened that had led Jess to being in Holly's apartment in Holly's clothes. There was bound to be explanation. She just wasn't convinced she was ready to hear it.

"Gail."

She froze at the sight of the Holly's adorable smile. A beacon of light in the dark bar and crowded bodies. But she wasn't supposed to be there. She had said she would be busy all weekend at the lab and with studying and probably wouldn't have time to hang out when Gail had had to bail the night before. Of course, she already knew that Holly must not have been that busy if she had found time to have company over. "Holly. What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to see you. You know, take ten minutes, lay eyes on you." Holly settled comfortably on the bar before reaching over, gently laying her hand on Gail's.

But Gail pulled away sharply. "I'm working."

Holly cleared her throat, confusion and hurt starting to sink in. "Yeah, I get that. But we haven't really seen each other this week. I just-just thought…"

"Thought what? You're not the only one with things to do."

"Yeah, I know that. But you haven't been answering your phone, and I just figured I'd stop by to say hi."

Gail nodded but she looked around for someone else to serve, anything to get her away. She wasn't prepared to deal with Holly on top of everything else.

"Is everything alright?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't it be? What could possibly be wrong?" She moved over to the tap to fill some pitchers for Traci, but Holly just moved down with her.

"Did I do something?"

"What could you have possibly done?"

"I'm not really sure. But it's starting to feel that way."

Gail shrugged. "Look around, it's busy. I have work to do."

But Holly did look around and while the bar was crowded it wasn't really busier than it usually was, and Gail would always find time then to at least talk for a few minutes. She also wasn't usually this hostile. "Okay, so that's how we're gonna do this."

"Mm-hmm." Gail kept her focus on what she was doing so she wouldn't have to see how hurt Holly was. She didn't look up until the brunette was out the door.

She knew she shouldn't have acted that way. But she was hurt and angry and really trying hard not to say something she shouldn't. Because that was what she did when she was feeling vulnerable. She lashed out. And if Holly wouldn't simply let her avoid her then she would create the distance herself. It was weird and entirely unfair, but she was kind of bothered that Holly hadn't tried a little harder to talk to her. That she would just leave like that. But Gail tried to push all her feelings down. She'd deal with it all later. Or never. Yeah, never would work too.

By the time her shift ended, her wrist was swollen, she reeked of alcohol, and she was annoyed with everything and everyone. Her friends had steered clear of her most of the night when it was obvious that she was in a foul mood. Even Chloe hadn't tried to cheer her up. But now she was free and all she wanted was to go home and forget about the entire day.

She stepped out into the cold night and was surprised to see a familiar figure waiting for her.

"I thought you left."

Holly shrugged. She had left. Had gone for a walk and decided to come back when she figured Gail would be done with her shift. She wouldn't mention the part where she had been standing in the cold for the last twenty minutes. "You were working and clearly didn't want me in there. But it seems we need to talk. Want to tell me what's going on?"

And in true Gail fashion, the blonde just blurted out "I stopped by your place this morning."

"Oh. I haven't really been home today. I went to the gym and left for the lab early. You could've texted." But Gail was continuing to stare at her blankly. It was obvious something had happened when Gail had shown up. "Did Lisa say something?"

"Wasn't Lisa who answered the door."

"Okay, can you just fill in the gaps here, Gail? Because I'm really having a hard time figuring this out for myself."

"You were in the shower."

"Oookay, why didn't you just wait?"

"You already had company. Three seemed like a crowd."

"I had…." Holly wracked her brain for who her company was. Shit, she remembered the real reason she hadn't gone home all day. "Jess answered the door, didn't she?"

"She was wearing your clothes, Holly. And was more than happy to rub my face in it."

"I don't know what she said, Gail, nothing happened. I didn't even know she stayed over last night. She was with Lisa."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

Gail's face was as unreadable as ever. "It's late, I should head home." She turned away from the brunette and started in the direction of her house.

But Holly was quick to follow, catching the sleeve of the blonde's leather jacket. "Wait, Gail."

"What? What is it, Holly? I shouldn't have just shown up to your apartment this morning. It was stupid."

"Why was it stupid?"

"Because I should have known."

"Known what?"

"Should've known that it was too good to be true. That you were too good to be true."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I've been through this before, Holly, you know that. Being with someone who wants to be with someone else. So really can you just end this now? So that I can maybe salvage at least some part of my dignity." Gail hated the way her eyes burned as she spoke. She wanted to just blame it on the cold air, but the hurt had finally reached the surface again. She blinked rapidly as she looked anywhere, but at Holly.

"Gail, honey, look at me." Holly rested her hands on Gail's upper arms, giving them an encouraging squeeze as she waited for the blonde to look up at her. "Nothing happened."

"I know."

"If you know that then why do you want to end us?"

She believed Holly, and that that was the part that scared her the most. A part of her had always known that Nick was going to leave her, hurt her. So she had kept herself safe at arm's length, letting the distance between them grow, and doing nothing to stop the inevitable from happening. She had simply braced herself for impact. But it was different with Holly and that meant that when the brunette finally came to her senses and realized that Gail would never be enough, it would destroy her. But she didn't know how to say those words.

"Nothing happened. Nothing would ever happen with her. The only person I want to be with is you. You have to realize that by now."

But Gail stepped back, easily breaking Holly's hold. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to be with me?"

"Why wouldn't I? You're amazing, Gail. You're brave, and you care, and you are one of the strongest people I know. I lo-like you...a lot...and I keep wondering how I ever got lucky enough for someone like you to even notice me."

And even though they were just words, Gail wanted to hear them. She needed to know that it wasn't just her who getting so deep into this. But she was never great with words herself, unless they were dripping in sarcasm. "Well crashing into someone is a good way to get their attention."

Holly's lips quirked, it was the crooked smile that always appeared when she was amused by something Gail said, or she was being a smartass herself. "Obviously my intention."

"Figured as much, Nerd."

Holly reached for Gail's hands, pleased when the other woman laced their fingers together. "Are we okay?"

Gail pulled Holly closer, her eyes closing as their lips connected in a soft kiss. "Now we are." Holly smiled and kissed her again.

"Have you been avoiding your apartment all day?"

Holly groaned and let her head drop to Gail's shoulder, "Ugh, yes. Jess really was there for Lisa so I couldn't kick her out. Even though I tried."

The distress in Holly's voice made Gail chuckle. She rubbed her hand soothingly along the taller girl's back. "So I normally make it a habit not to take in strays, but I think I can make an exception for tonight."

"How generous of you."

"Come on, Lunchbox. Let's head home." Gail offered, taking Holly's hand in hers.

The two women headed towards the blonde's house. It would give them the chance to continue the conversation somewhere warm and quiet. Or they could just get right to the making up part. Either way, they were in it together.

---

There was something about women with red hair showing up where they didn't belong that seemed to be a theme in Gail's life that week.

"Is it Steve?"

Really something happening to her brother seemed like the only plausible explanation as to why her mother was standing across from her with a sticky bartop between them. That or the universe really fucking hated her.

"Your brother is on a classified mission."

"I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that he hasn't checked in in almost a week."

"That's what policing is, Gail, it's dangerous and there are very real consequences to actions as well as inactions. But, no, they still haven't located him."

"So this isn't about Steve."

"No, I thought we could talk for a moment."

Yep, the universe clearly despised her. "Most people would just call, Mother."

"Most people would actually answer their phone, sweetheart. Not to mention I've seem to have misplaced mine at the moment." The Superintendent gingerly took up one of the stools nearby, though it looked like it pained her to do so.

"That's probably the third one this week, knowing you." Refusing to let her mother invade yet another aspect of her life. Gail grabbed a towel and slung it over her shoulder, imitating a television bartender, knowing the move would probably piss the woman off even more. "We have a rule here."

"There are rules at a bar?"

"At mine. If you're going to sit there in prime real estate you need to order something. Would you like a menu?"

"Hardly." Her disdain as she looked around Gail's workplace was written across every line on the older Peck's face. "Martini, dry, two olives."

Gail fixed the drink exactly the way she knew her mother liked it. "I know there's alcohol at your house, Mother, so why are you here?"

"Your father and I are disappointed in you, Gail."

"Wow, something new and different for a change." She glanced over at a couple clearly trying to get her attention and motioned to them that she'd be there in a moment. "Are we done?"

"Well, I don't know, Gail. You tell me. You haven't impressed me so far. Since graduation you've been a vagabond and now a bartender. Oh yes, and have a frivolous second major distracting you from your true pursuits. And now you're running around at some clinic to impress a woman who has done nothing, but lie and deceive this family. "

"Then it looks like she'll fit right in." Gail pushed away to help her actual customers, but it was too much to hope that her Mother would just leave. The redheaded Peck was still seated, gearing up to continue the second Gail returned. She sighed as she accepted her fate.

"How can you trust her when she's been lying to our family for months, masquerading around as something she's not, and 'pretending' to be straight." The air quotes around the word "pretending" really were a nice touch. Her mother had always had a flair for the dramatic, it was probably where Steve had learned it.

"She was helping out a friend, that's noble."

"Or she's just trying to manipulate this family. First through Steven, and now through you. She shouldn't be trusted."

"You had no problem trusting her when she was dating Steve. In fact, you were planning out their perfect little future."

"That was before I saw her true colors."

"You really don't know her."

"I know that since she's been around you have only been more distracted. Wasting time running around that clinic and it's nefarious actions."

"That Holly helped stop." Hadn't the Superintendent just been praising the med student for doing so that night? Of course, while she's dating Steve then it's considered noble, but when Holly is Gail's girlfriend she is the root of all evil.

"Yes, that was extremely...convenient. How the evidence had just anonymously appeared in time to exonerate her."

Gail's entire body stiffened at the mention of what she had done. Of what her mother was now implying Holly had a part in.

"Holly had nothing to do with finding that evidence. She has no idea where it came from."

"So she claims. It's still highly suspicious. Maybe someone should take a closer look."

"And what? Let a corrupt doctor and a child abuser walk? Great police work there, Superintendent."

The older woman pursed her lips, annoyed at her daughter's point. She decided it was better to just focus on why she came there in the first place. "You are not to continue seeing this girl. She's trouble."

"She's not. She's one of the best people I've ever met. She's smart, and loyal, and actually believes in me, which is more than I can say for anyone in this family. So, no, Mother, I will not stop seeing her."

Even Gail was a little surprised as easily the words had come out and the amount of passion that they carried. She knew better than to let her feelings show like that in front of her mother, but she couldn't help it. Not when it came to Holly. As much as she wanted to, she did her best not to fidget as the Peck matriarch silently appraised her.

"You really care about her."

Gail didn't hesitate, the steely blue eyes she had inherited from the woman across from her met the nearly glacial ones. "I do."

The Superintendent stood, pushing the now empty martini glass away. She straightened her already perfect clothes. "Then I guess there's nothing left to discuss."

"Guess not."

"You do understand that your father and I will not condone this relationship."

"Yeah, pretty sure you made that one clear."

"Then as long as you two are together, you will not be able to touch your savings account."

Whatever, bravery and satisfaction Gail had been feeling standing up to Elaine immediately vanished, "You can't do that. That money is for school."

"We can and we have. Next semester you're on you're own, Abigail. Just as you always claim to be." With that bombshell, the Superintendent walked away from the carnage with the sharp click of her heels on the bar floor.

Well...fuck!

---

Her head was pounding, her wrist was throbbing, and the last thing she wanted to do was work another shift at the bar. She had called the company where the trust in her name was housed and they had confirmed that her parents could block the money she needed for school. So now that she was up shit's creek, she really needed the work more than ever. So Gail dragged her sleep-deprived ass through the doors of the Penny once again.

She apparently wasn't the only one having a bad night. Traci had been moving through the bar with an unfamiliar scowl and dark cloud hanging over her. Her hands gripping her tray tighter than usual, and each plate being stacked with more force than necessary. Someone breaking a glass had both girls capable of medaling in a high jump competition.

When their shifts ended, they had both walked home in silence. It wasn't until they got to their house and Traci went to open the door, only to find the lock give way without any resistance that the darker skinned woman finally snapped.

"What the hell, Gail? Didn't you lock up before we left."

"Of course I did. Four other people live here, it's not my fault. I wasn't the one who left the door unlocked."

But Traci just lost it completely. "No, then whose is it? Is it my fault what happened? Because I was asking for it. No,what was it you said? Oh, right, you said I was encouraging him. Is this your "I told you so". The great Gail Peck you can spot a stalker and a serial rapist a mile away because he ordered a bloody Mary the wrong way. Are those the super Peck powers we hear about so much?"

Gail didn't respond, the muscles in her jaw tightening to prevent her from saying something she shouldn't. She knew Traci was just lashing out. That she was scared and hurt and feeling overwhelmed in a way that still woke Gail up in the middle of the night. But this was something she really didn't need right now.

"Go on, Gail, say it. I know you're thinking it. You were right and I was wrong and I was stupid. You want to say it, so why don't you?"

"Trace, stop." Jerry tried to intervene with his girlfriend, as he and the rest of the seniors walked in on the yelling freshman.

"Why should I? She loves being right and she was. I'm just admitting it. She was right. I was wrong. I shouldn't have dismissed him, and as a result both Andy and I ended up in the hospital."

Each of Traci's words stung. She knew what it felt like to be on the other end. To feel foolish and helpless and to blame yourself for someone else's actions. She was still beating herself up years later. But she hadn't told Traci or any of the others about what happened to her. And she still couldn't get the words out even as she watched Traci struggle with her own guilt. So she just stayed quiet and let Traci unload on her.

"It wasn't your fault what those guys did to you or the other girls." Juliet pointed out.

"How do you know that? If I had just listened to her and drew attention to him maybe the police could have stopped him sooner."

"You couldn't have -"

"Yes, I could've. Peck obviously did. She's been thinking it for weeks. So let's just get it out in the open. Go on, Gail, tell me how stupid I was."

"You weren't stupid Traci, and it wasn't your fault."

But Traci stormed away from the group, heading up to her room, and slamming her door hard enough to make the house rattle.

"What the hell did you say to her?" Jerry barked at the younger blonde.

"Nothing."

"So she just went off on you over nothing."

"Yeah."

But none of the upperclassmen looked convinced. She could see it in her friends' eyes that they didn't believe her. That they figured the Ice Queen had struck again and obviously provoked the fragile Traci. None of them could see the way she hurt too. And at this rate, there was no way in hell she was going to let them.

---

Returning to her bed that night Gail had never felt more like she wanted to run. No, not physically. Well, yes, physically in the sense that she wanted to disappear. To erase her existence entirely from the Toronto landscape. To abandon each and every thing that was currently surrounding her, chaining her to this hellish existence. She could feel the urge rooted in her bones, coursing through her veins, literally scratching at her skin in all those clichéd ways people described urges. Because sometimes clichés exist for a reason, for feelings that can't quite be placed into words, but damn it everyone is going to try at least once.

Gail wanted to run, wanted to be gone, wanted to be as far from there as humanly possible. She wanted to be on a plane taking her to a destination she didn't even know existed until five seconds before she booked the flight. She wanted to land in a place that wasn't Toronto, that was so fucking far from being Toronto that the people there didn't even know what Canada was. But she couldn't. Couldn't run. Couldn't take off in the ways she had done in the past. She was stuck. But that didn't mean she couldn't vanish. Couldn't put an end to the fucking bullshit that was constantly trying to invade her life and remind her how much she didn't want to be there. That she didn't actually want to be anywhere.

And that was the thought that kept playing at the edges of her brain. That seemed to never leave fully, but greeted her every morning when she just wished the day away. She had been on this slippery slope for so long that it had become almost second nature to her to hope the next day would never come. She glared up at the ceiling wondering why it couldn't just cave in on her and put her out of her own misery. A stray bolt of lightning. A distracted driver while she was in a crosswalk. Were any of those too much to ask for? She wasn't even sure when these thoughts had started. She remembered them clearly the second half of senior year but they had abated for a while when she had first gotten to Europe. They had returned with her to Toronto but she had been doing her best to keep them at bay throughout the year. Now though every new day and every waking moment felt like a crushing blow to her entire body.

Morning came and she went through the motions of the day, but when class ended and she finally got home it was all she could think about. She knew where they were. Where they always were. Stowed away safely in the drawer in her room, temptation just beyond her finger tips. She had toyed with them throughout the year. Carried them around like a safety net. When the dreams and memories of the past stalked her, when the disappointment she caused her parents drowned her, when everyone treated her like she was fucking napalm. A little bottle that could make all that disappear.

But she couldn't let them win. Not Perik. Not her family. She wouldn't let them have that much control over her life. She just needed to do something. Get control again, or at least feel like she had control again. So she made a resolution, and headed up the stairs to her room.

Except they weren't there. They were supposed to be there. It's where she had put them, out of sight, but not out of mind. Where the fuck were they? She tore through the drawer, frantically combing through the entire content but the bottle she was looking for wasn't there. She tore through the rest of the room, including her roommate's belongings trying to find them.

"Have you been going through my stuff?" Gail angrily asked as a stunned Chloe entered the pigsty that was their shared room.

"No, but clearly you can't say the same." Chloe starting to pick up the haphazard display of her belongings. "What are you looking for?"

"Has anyone else been in our room?"

"You mean besides the police weeks ago, who I might add did not make this big of a mess, I don't think so. But everyone's been over here lately."

Technically, it could've been any of the girls in the house, but none of them were particularly fond of drugs, the most she had seen anyone take was some OTC painkillers to deal with their hangovers or cramps. The same was true for most of the boys too. Alcohol was easily their biggest vice, though some of them dabbled in pot from time to time, and there were some stories floating around about trying ecstasy.

Except…

No. It couldn't be. There was only one person they knew that had been acting radically different that semester. But he was a boy scout. The good guy in the group. Even if he had been acting weird. It's not like she hadn't noticed the constant mood swings, the change in his appearance, the broken promises and sudden illnesses. It wasn't that long ago that she had refused to lend him money, all of his sudden vanishing without a real explanation were all too damning.

She was across the lawn and tearing a path through the boys' house in no time. She ignored the curses from a half-dressed Dov as she interrupted him playing video games in his boxers on the couch as she went straight up the stairs and to the locked door that mirrored her own. She immediately started pounding on it.

"God damn it, Diaz. Open this fucking door right now or I'm going to bust it down." Gail could feel her throat burn from fighting to be heard over the blasting music. But she would be damned if she was about to let Chris get away with stealing her pills. She had no idea if he was selling them or using them himself, but either way he was about to pay for the poor decision.

There was no noise on the other side and Gail wasn't going to exert herself kicking in a bedroom door, not for the moronic boy on the other side, so she did what she did best and the lock was picked in record time.

The door collided with the wall and went springing back towards her with the force she had used to throw it open. She was practically seeing red at that point and was more than ready to tear into Chris. But the last thing she was prepared to find was her friend unconscious on the floor wedged between his bed and his desk.

Her natural instincts kicked in as she dropped to the floor beside him. "Chris!" But he didn't respond to her shouts or her shaking him.

"Dov! Help!"

The music was still blaring, and she could hear her own heartbeat thrumming in her ears, or maybe it was the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs, but she was too focused on the haggard boy beside her to think too much of it. Chris was paler than she had ever seen him and his lips were dusky. She needed to get him on his back, knowing she shouldn't move him too much, but struggling with his weight.

"What the hell happened?"

"Turn off that fucking music and call 911."

Dov didn't react at first, still staring at his best friend's unconscious form. He was rooted to the spot, frozen in fear, as the memories overwhelmed him.

"Dov!" Gail continued to yell the boy's name, trying to snap him from his trance. She couldn't do this alone and they were already wasting time. "Damn it, Dov!"

He finally snapped back to the present and into motion, heading to the stereo as he pulled out his phone. With the music off, Gail put her fingers against Chris's neck to feel for a pulse as she leaned closer to his mouth while she looked over his chest silently praying that he was breathing. If he was, then she couldn't tell. His pulse though was there, barely, but she was pretty sure she could still feel it. She hoped that it wasn't just her wishful thinking. She could hear Dov talking to the emergency services as she created a seal and started breathing for him. She had no idea if it was working, but damn it she had to do something.

"They're on their way, is he...?" Dov couldn't get the words out.

Gail wouldn't answer him, not when Chris still wasn't responding, so she just focused on breathing for him and checking his pulse. And she kept going as she felt the faintest beats against her fingertips. They were far apart but they were there. That had to count for something.

She had never been so relieved until she heard more footsteps thundering up the stairs and she was being pushed out of the way by the professionals.

"What's his name?"

"Chris."

The first paramedic through the door dropped to her knees, rubbing her knuckles against Chris's sternum, "Chris, open your eyes, buddy. Come on, Chris, open your eyes for me." Not getting a response, she moved to check his breathing and pulse.

"I've got a pulse, but it's weak. I need a bag over here." Her partner quickly had a mask over Chris's face, pumping steadily while asking the freshmen who watched on in fear questions about their patient.

"How long has he been like this?"

"I don't know I found him like this just before we called you," Gail relayed. Her eyes never leaving Chris's body, watching his chest rise each time the paramedic breathed for him.

"He skipped class today, but I saw him when I got home like half an hour ago," Dov added.

"Any idea what happened? Did he take something? Fall down?" The woman with the clipboard noticed the open bottle of alcohol on Chris's desk as she glanced around the room, "Been drinking? What can you tell us?"

"We don't know." Dov answered for the both of them.

But Gail didn't need to see the small canister of orange in the trash can to know what Chris had done. "It was oxycodone." She ignored the look Dov gave her, keeping her focus on helping Chris.

"Any idea how much?"

"Could've been the whole bottle. So like 30 pills."

"Well then hopefully we have enough of this." The EMT reached for their bag and administered a medication, while her partner continued to pump air to Chris's lungs.

They answered the rest of the EMTs' questions the best that they could but it was all happening so fast. It seemed like no time at all and way too long before they had a somewhat responsive Chris loaded into the back of the bus and were being told which hospital to meet him at.

Dov dragged his hands through his hair as he paced on the sidewalk. "How did this happen?"

Gail didn't have a good answer. She had no idea how long ago Chris had stolen the pills or how many he had taken, or why. But she was sure that her did. "I don't know."

"How did you know he had taken oxy?"

"That's not important right now. We need to get over there."

Dov froze. "I'm not. I'm not doing this again."

"He's your best friend."

"And I'm not going to watch him kill himself!"

Gail wasn't going to argue. She'd deal with Dov later, right then she needed to grab her brother's car and get to the hospital. She wasn't going to leave Chris alone. She knew what that was like better than anyone.

---

A/N: Alright, we'll deal with the repercussions in the next chapter, whenever that maybe. Luckily for all of you, my insomnia has decided to rear its ugly head at the most inopportune moments allowing me to finish this, but I've already sacrificed way too much sleep trying to get this done so the editing is minimal. Loved the chapter? Hated it? Surprised at the direction it took? Did I completely butcher something? Let me know what you thought, I live for that kind of shit...