notantame: Hello! I mean, you can change your name if you want to! When I was still a guest user on the site, I always named myself very uncreative things such as A Person or A Weird Person, and none of them were really that consistent. I never really had a set name. It's really up to you! My two weeks have been going good! I GOT A DOG! Well, he's the family's dog, but HE'S ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AND I LOVE HIM. That's the biggest highlight of the last two weeks for me! Building PCs... it does sound simple, but it's probably harder than it seems. My brother built a "Raspberry pi" with my dad and he can play all of these older games on it. All the old Zeldas, Marios, etc. If I manage to get my hands on the materials to build a PC, I'll have them to help me XD. Honestly, though! There's probably a fanfic out there where Snape gets turned into a snake and they make that pun. Honing skills with every smash character CAN be helpful, because sometimes there are characters more effective against different opponents. One example is if I was fighting, say, Ganondorf. He's slow, so a faster character like Sheik or Greninja would have the advantage. But that's just me! The only reason I started branching out is because I got worse with Link when Smash Ultimate came out (I suspect that they made his attacks do less damage, therefore ruining what I was used to). I... still have no idea what your main is. The only characters I can think of that use numbers are Little Mac and... Mr. Game and Watch. But I think I already guessed both of those. I hope you have a great next few weeks! :D

Guest: Aw, thank you for the pity review! Oh wow, that's... pretty late. I think that translates to 10 pm, but I could be wrong. If you're tired, you don't have to stay up to give me a pity review! That makes me feel bad, because I've run on days with only a few hours of sleep before and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy...

Hospitaller1080: Yes. Yes he is XD

That's all of the guest reviews! Now onto the chapter! :D

Chapter 36: Birthdays and Breaches

The courtyard was a devastated scene of destruction, like a ruin of death and slaughter. Dark patches of burnt ground were scattered along the ground, guardian legs strewn with wires still poking from where they were ripped viciously from the guardians.

"Quite the disaster," mumbled one of the knights investigating the crime scene. "It's almost as bad as when my three-year-old got ahold of the paint."

"What do you mean, 'You don't know who did it?!'" came a loud, angry cry from the other side of the courtyard.

"We're sorry, Doctor Purah," said the knight she was scolding. "The only clues we have are the dead body of the guard, whom we have yet to identify. By the looks of the wound, there was some kind of poison-"

"Wait wait wait," Purah said, backing it up. "What does the wound appear to be from?"

"It's hard to tell," the knight said firmly. "The guard was split open in the gut - clean, straight line, so we believe it was a rounded weapon."

"And the poison?"

"What about the poison?" the knight questioned.

Purah squawked indignantly. "You mean to tell me that you suspect poison, but you didn't even bother to extract it - or get a blood sample from the corpse - so that we can run tests on it?"

"And how would that be beneficial?"

"In every way!" Purah cried. "With a sample, we can identify what kind of poison it is, where it originates, and in the process, get evidence to locate the culprit!"

The knight opened his mouth, before closing it. This repeated several times.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" Purah growled. The knight jumped. "GO GET THAT SAMPLE, OR SO HELP ME, I'LL FIND A WORKING GUARDIAN AND BLAST YOUR STUPID BUTT TO THE SACRED REALM!"

"Y-yes, Doctor Purah." The previously dignified knight quickly shuffled away.

"AND DON'T YOU DARE CONTAMINATE IT!" Purah screeched after him. She sighed, then shook her head. "Knights these days," Purah mumbled. "Can't even conduct a proper investigation..." Of course, Link could do so just fine - quick on his feet and in mind, whether he believed it or not. But the rest of those lousy idiots… not so much.

"What are the possible suspects?" Purah snapped at the next closest knight.

"Yiga involvement is suspected," the knight said quickly. "But only because of how well the cover-up was done. The wound is suspected to be from a sickle."

"Yiga," Purah growled. "But what could they possibly want with my beautiful guardians?!"

"We aren't sure, Doctor Purah," the knight replied. "All we know is that the only damage that was done was to the legs of the guardians - they were either ripped out or ripped out before being carelessly shoved back into their sockets."

"Perhaps sabotage?" Purah mused. The guardians were dangerous weapons. Though it was clear they put up a fight with the culprit, what with the burns that littered the ground, they would've been easier to destroy without their limbs. But there was no damage done to the guardians besides the limbs.

"Without functional limbs, it would be much harder for the transportation of the guardians," Purah thought aloud. "Less useful, all that. But why not destroy the central processing units instead of the legs? If they managed the legs with the time they had…"

"Purah?" came a confused voice. Purah whirled around to see her apprentice, Liari, eyes still glassy with sleep. "Wha's going on?"

"Some idiot snuck into the courtyard last night," Purah grumbled, beginning her quick summary. "They murdered the guard, and you can clearly see what they did to the guardians. TORN OFF LEGS! What in Hylia's name would possess someone to do such a thing?" Purah ranted.

Liari blinked her sleepy red eyes. "Just the legs, you say?"

Purah nodded. "Yup. Any ideas for suspects?"

Liari blinked again, clearing her sleepiness and suddenly appearing quite alert. "Just… the legs…?" she murmured.

Then the young apprentice grinned evilly - the same evil grin Purah often saw in the mirror. "Purah, I think I have a lead," Liari said mischievously.

Link quickly stepped aside as he heard footsteps from the other side of the door. It wasn't a moment too soon, for milliseconds later the door was slammed open.

A still bed/sleep-disheveled princess (despite the fact that it was almost noon) came out of the door, carrying a form.

"Link," she said in a somewhat stern voice, like that of a parent scolding a misbehaving child. "Is there anything you've forgotten to tell me about today?"

Link merely blinked at her in confusion. What's this about today? He couldn't recall anything special… was there some sort of meeting that the princess had to go to that he was supposed to know about?

The princess shoved the form towards his face, forcing him to read it.

"Surname: Equitem; Given Name(s): Link; Age: 11…"

Link frowned. It was his enlistment form, from when he had signed up to become a squire. "Are you sure this is the paper I should be looking at, Your Highness?"

The princess groaned and, with a very exaggerated roll of her eyes, she stabbed a point on the paper with her finger. "Can you tell me what this date here means?"

Oh. Oh. "I must've forgotten," Link said, sounding somewhat surprised.

"You mean to tell me," Princess Zelda said very slowly and very deliberately, "that you forgot about your birthday?"

"I haven't celebrated it in years, Princess," Link said a bit awkwardly. More specifically, since I was eleven.

"Well then that ought to change, shouldn't it?" Zelda seemed quite unwilling to take no for an answer. Before Link could realize what was happening, the princess grabbed his arm and dragged him away from her room.

"Where are we going?" he asked quickly.

"To Castle Town, of course!" Zelda exclaimed, her green eyes shining with excitement. "There must be at least something I can get you, and where better than the largest marketplace in the kingdom?"

This was all so sudden that Link wasn't quite sure what was happening anymore. They were going to Castle Town? Because it was his birthday? The princess wanted to get him a present?

What in the world is going on right now? Was this some sort of strange dream because of some strange foreign spice in his food the night before? Or was he just going insane?
"Your sanity is at a total of 86 percent, which is approximately 16 percent above average," came a certain magical sword's voice. "Might I suggest she merely wants to do something kind towards you?"

And why would she want to do that? Link thought grumpily. He barely knew the princess, besides the fact that her favorite color was a clear sky blue, her favorite food was fruit cake, she always tilted her head the slightest bit to the right while she was reading something she was interested in, she…

Okay, maybe he knew her a bit better than barely, but hardly more than that. And it wasn't like she cared for him any more than any other knight. Sure, she was being nicer recently (Hylia knew why), but she was still just as formal as always.

Well, he thought silently, until now.

"Has she not acted in this way before?" Fi questioned. Somehow Link could sense that she knew the answer - she was merely prompting him to reach the answer on his own.

Perhaps, he replied as the princess dragged him out of the castle and into the town. Perhaps…

Maybe she cared about him more than he thought?

"I heard a bakery opened up recently on the edge of town," Zelda explained excitedly as she led him through the streets, ignoring the stares of passersby with ease. "I'm told that they have the most delicious bread in Hyrule, but I think I want to test the rumors for myself. If it doesn't meet your expectations, oh great and honorable Sir Link, we can always check another one," she said with a cheeky grin.

"A-As you wish, Princess," he replied quickly, barely managing to keep emotion out of his voice.

The princess in question scoffed. "As 'I' wish? It's not my birthday, it's yours!" She released his arm, which he hadn't realized she'd still been holding, and turned towards him to look at him with those shimmering green eyes. "Is there anything you want to do?"

That one question made Link freeze both physically and mentally. Once his mind had thawed enough, he managed to process her words.

She asked me what I want to do, he thought, confused. My opinion isn't supposed to matter. I'm a knight and a tool. Why would what I want to do matter to her?

Because you matter to her, replied a small voice. For once, it was not the voice of the sword, which merely remained a gentle hum in the back of his mind, a foreign feeling of pride and accomplishment accompanying it.

"Link," said Zelda, waving her hand in front of his face, appearing somewhat concerned. "Are you going to answer me?"

"I…" Link shook off the tumult of contradicting, chaotic thoughts in his mind. For once, he decided, he would listen to the smaller voice.

Link smiled. "The bakery sounds great, Princess."

For a moment, the princess gave him a strange look. But then she too smiled. "Then off we go! If you're worried about money, don't bother - there are some pluses to being a princess, you know."

They started to continue forward again, but once again the princess stopped to turn and look at him.

Link merely tilted his head as a silent question; What is it?

Zelda straightened her shoulders in her most formal stance. "I would like to request that you walk beside me - for today, at the very least. Today we are equals, you hear me?"

Link smiled. "Yes, Princess," he replied.

So they continued on side by side, and Link realized that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't as alone as he thought.

Oh, my precious Lonkles (that's totally a thing people call him now. Except it isn't, but that's not important). Looks like he's finally starting to see the light! Also, Fi makes an appearance for the first time in a while... I TOTALLY didn't forget that she exists, because that would be RIDICULOUS! *laughs nervously* ANYWAY, Purah is taking charge. Purah is scary. I've noticed that the guards in Zelda games are often, for lack of a better word, very stupid. I also find it incredibly hilarious to imagine the short scientist that is Purah bossing them around. I love Purah, okay? She's the best! MOVING ALONG...

Hello, everyone! A merry December 9th to y'all (though I'm writing this on the eighth, and many of you may be reading this later than that... FIGHT ME)! I have accepted the fact that I use the word "y'all" when writing, finally! ...I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.

The last couple weeks have been pretty busy, but I've mostly been procrastinating. Hooray! Between Thanksgiving, birthdays (mine was today/yesterday (the 8th) and that made me in a mood for birthday things, hence the second half of the chapter), and getting a dog (OH MY GOSH, HE'S SO FREAKING ADORABLE, HE'S MY NEW BEST FRIEND, ANYONE WHO SAYS HE ISN'T CUTE HAS NO SOUL!), and homework, I've been pretty busy. I think I already said that, but WHATEVER. So that, plus lack of motivation/procrastination has slowed down the writing a bit.

Despite the writing being slower over the last couple weeks, I really like this chapter. Purah being Purah, scheming, Zelda doing nice things for Link, and Link realizing he's not actually stupid and stuff. Everything I like! But don't worry, more Link torture is to come, because I may or may not like that too!

I think that's everything! Before I go, I'd like to sincerely (there is no reason to question my sincerity, I assure you) thank all of you for reviewing! You are all so kind and supportive, and it really helps with filling up my cup o' motivation juice. And (I'm not sure why I'm writing this part) I'd like to say that your reviews help me in more ways than writing. Whenever I have an especially rough day and feel like the lowest of the low, I turn to the reviews on here. Every review makes me smile even when I'm sad, and they always manage to lift me out of my misery. So... thank you. As always, I would like to encourage you to review! Criticism of any shape or form is 100 percent welcome!

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Wear your seatbelt - we don't want you to fly through the windshield, because that would suck.

Most sincerely,

Ari~