A/N: So this is one of the shorter chapters I've written for this story in awhile. It's still around 20k words and I ended it in a different place than I had wanted, but I left the last chapter on a pretty mean cliffhanger for like 3 months and you all have been asking so nicely that I figured you would rather the update sooner rather than later.

TW: Mentions of physical assault. It's not much worse than the rest of the story but if you're easily triggered I highly suggest skipping any parts that are italicized.

Fumbling around in the dead of night, she reached for the annoying buzzing sound beside her head. She really needed to give Gail that key if for no other reason than it meant not waking up to a phone call asking to be let in. A request that meant having to get out from under her warm blankets and away from her soft bed. Not that she was complaining, but her girlfriend had a weird ninja ability to stealthily creep across her apartment, so why not put it to use? After all, it was significantly less annoying than a neglected phone. Fingertips hitting a cold screen, she blindly swiped right to silence the incessant noise.

"Changed your mind?" Holly mumbled into the device, a smile already pulling at her lips even as her eyes slipped closed once more.

"Holls."

"Frankie?" Holly rolled onto her back, the heel of her hand digging into her eyes as she blinked up at the ceiling. She could feel her vision attempting to adjust as she forced her brain out of sleep mode. If her friend was calling her at...whatever time the blurry digits on her phone indicated...it could only mean one thing, "What bar are you at this time?"

"I'm not-that's not why I'm calling."

There was something in Frankie's voice that sounded off, but it was late and there were cell towers between them. Holly didn't notice it at first.

"You just miss me that much that you needed to say hello? Could've just texted me for a coffee date tomorrow. I would've responded, you know, when I was awake."

"I wish that's why I was calling."

Holly heard Frankie take a deep breath and she sat up, any playfulness falling away as she finally registered the difference in her friend.

"What's wrong?"

"It's…. Gail's in the hospital."

The words filtered in as the rest of the world slipped away and Holly plunged back into the darkness.

"Gail!"

Traci was by her side but all she could think about was how hard it was getting to breathe.

Why was it so hard to breathe? She could feel her chest moving rapidly but it felt like there was no air coming in. She clutched at her side, her hands feeling sticky before she felt something pushing hard into her.

"Gail, it's okay. I'm right here and we're calling an ambulance."

Why was Traci making it so hard for her to breathe?

"Twenty year old female found unresponsive at the scene, victim of physical assault with a knife. She has a head injury, a laceration to her right side, and possibly broken ribs. Regained consciousness briefly en route, but she's been in and out."

"Lift her on my count...1...2...3."

"Alright, let's go people, this is a trauma call. Clothes off. Watch the blood. What's her name?"

"Gail."

"Gail, can you hear me? Open your eyes Gail."

When Gail was young, long before the trip that left her stranded at the gas station, she loved going to the cottage. For hours, Steve and her would swim in the lake. Often having competitions to see who could hold their breath longer. Gail usually won, sheer determination to best her brother keeping her under until her lungs felt like they would burst. She loved being underwater. It kept her away from her parents' constant nagging and criticisms. Underwater she couldn't hear their voices, just sounds with dulled edges. The whole world shiny and shimmering, broken images shifting with the waves she created.

It felt like she was underwater. The voices garbled and distant and anytime she opened her eyes everything had been a blur. She didn't want to open them again.

A sharp sensation dug into her sternum. She felt more than heard herself groan as she tried to move away.

"Responds to pain. Alright, she's protecting her airway for now, I got equal breath sounds on both sides but there's significant bruising to her chest. Someone apply pressure to that lac. 15 cm on the right abdomen. Another 2 cm one of the left side of her neck. Looks clotted. Any others?"

"It's hard to tell with all the blood!"

"But do we have active bleeding?"

"Negative."

Her eyes were forced open and the light made her want to vomit.

"Okay, pupils are equal, 2mm, and reactive to light."

The voices were shouting more instructions at her and she didn't want to experience the pain again so she did her best to follow them.

"Give me a thumbs up with your right hand, Gail. Come on, Gail, move your hand. Good. Now raise your left leg. Gail, your left leg! Good. Alright let's roll her to her left on my count...1..2..3."

It felt like all the air had been knocked out of her again as she felt multiple hands push and pull at her body to turn her, she was dropped back down seconds later after someone called out that there only minor bruises and abrasions. She was pretty sure there was someone cataloguing her injuries, if the running commentary on them was anything to go by, and then she was bouncing along the halls as a couple of people rushed her to another room and shoved her into a machine.

There was too much movement, too many voices, too many hands touching her. All she wanted was to be left alone. To curl up on her bed and sleep, so why were so many people bothering her?

"Okay, Gail, let's take a look at that wound."

The voice was loud. Obnoxiously loud.

"Piss off," she slurred and let herself sleep.

How many times had they all been in the hospital that year?

They really deserved their own wing at that point. It would've been better than the dirty looks they received every time they cluttered the waiting areas. But a gaggle of college kids was bound to draw attention, even when they tried to behave themselves. And they weren't being loud. Not really. At the very least, no one was arguing, this time. They were barely even speaking to one another.

Traci had found Gail, and she had been conscious but not for long. No one knew exactly what happened, there were guesses, but all that mattered was that one of their own was in the hospital once more and they were all there. Huddled together amongst the hard plastic chairs. Only Chris remained standing, his feet propelling him across the floor, back and forth across the tiles from one wall to another, he wouldn't sit even when they asked, so they stopped asking. Most of them were watching his movements as they waited.

Frankie had Chloe beside her, pressed tightly into her side, she had lost feeling in her hand at least ten minutes ago, the circulation cut off by the tight squeeze Chloe had on it. But she stayed beside her, arm wrapped tightly around the tiny redhead who hadn't moved a muscle since sitting in the chair. It was so out of character for Chloe that Frankie had been tempted to have a nurse come and check her while they were out in the waiting room. Just beyond the dizzying Diaz she saw another mane of red hair making its way towards where they knew Gail had been placed.

She ignored the sound of protest from Chloe as she bolted from her own seat.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Frankie barely managed to make it in time, reaching the door just before the short white coat did.

Jess pulled her shoulders back, arms immediately crossing in front of her chest as her weight shifted to one hip. She rolled her eyes when she saw who was blocking her path, "My job."

"You're not her doctor. You're not even a doctor at all."

"Not yet, but I am a medical student, and I'm working. So I do have a reason to be here and you're standing in the way of my patient."

As Jess went to reach around Frankie for the door, the senior grabbed hold of her wrist.

"Try it Jess and you aren't going to see graduation or that fancy degree of yours."

They were four years apart in age, and while Frankie spent plenty of time in the gym, getting in shape for her future career, she was about to take on someone who had split her time between crew and rugby in college. Someone who hated her guts. But Frankie wasn't going to back down when she knew how Holly's ex felt about Holly's current girlfriend. She wasn't backing down with Gail on the line.

"Frankie!"

Holly was moving past all the others in the hallway, past the pacing Chris, the shaking Traci, the solemn Nick, and the statuesque Chloe. Heading directly to her friend, without passing go or collecting two hundred dollars.

Frankie dropped hold of Jess as she caught Holly, trying not to wince at the way desperate fingers dug into her arms. "Hey."

"What happened? Where's Gail? How is she? Can I see her?" The words tumbled out of Holly's mouth in one breath.

"She's in this room, but they said we have to wait to see her. They wouldn't tell us anything because none of us are 'family'." Frankie spoke slowly and calmly, relaying the only information they had received so far. They weren't even sure if Gail was awake or not.

"Then what are you doing?"

"Protecting your girlfriend."

"From?"

A sneaker tapped annoyingly against the tiles, Jess looked at the scene before her and drawled, "This is adorable really, but I still have a patient to see."

"No you don't." Frankie argued, shoulders squaring back once more.

"I do. I've been assigned to her case."

"No." Holly said vehemently, the word ripping through her throat with enough force to surprise even her.

"Excuse me?"

"You're not going anywhere near Gail." Holly could barely feel the way Frankie had taken hold of her arm, as she turned to address her ex-girlfriend. They had been together for years, but looking at her now all Holly could see was every time Jess had torn Gail down, had discounted the blonde, and Holly's feelings for her. All she could see was red.

"You know that's not how this works."

"That's exactly how this is going to work. Or I'm going to your attending and making sure they know that you were threatening Gail the last time she was here and you were working the case. And why. I'll tell them what happened at the party too. You know that what happens outside of school doesn't always stay out of school. I'll make sure you leave your shift with at least one professional violation. Residency programs wouldn't like that very much, would they?"

The older medical student opened her mouth to say something else, but the glares she received from both brunettes had her teeth clicking together as her jaw snapped shut. She turned on her heel and stormed off.

With Jess a safe distance away, Holly turned her attention back to Frankie. "What happened? I talked to Gail a couple hours ago and she was at work."

"We're not sure. Gail went to take the trash out back, and I guess someone attacked her. She was covered in blood when they found her." Frankie saw the alarm on Holly's face, so she rushed on. "They don't think it was hers. At least not most of it."

"What?!"

"Gail fought back against her attacker, we think, and... well…. He's kinda in critical condition. We saw him getting wheeled into the OR."

"Gail…" Holly's brain, the one that Gail perpetually teased her for, the one that was always going, always putting pieces together, learning, constantly learning, stuttered to a complete stop. Not only had Gail been attacked outside of her job but she had managed to hurt the person badly enough to send him to the operating room. She didn't want to think about it.

"But Gail's okay?"

Even as she asked Holly knew the real answer to the question. Even if Gail was physically okay, there was no way she was completely okay. Because once again she was hurt and after everything that Gail had already been through, this was...it was too much. At what point was the universe going to decide that it was done trying to destroy Gail? At what point was it going to decide she had gone through enough and give her a break for a little while? A chance to actually enjoy life and the things that it could offer. It wasn't fair.

"She took a blow to the head, and she's pretty banged up. I think she was in and out of consciousness when they found her."

"Is she still?"

"We don't know. She got here before we did and they seriously won't tell us a word."

"Maybe I can…" Holly hesitated, eyes fixed on the room she knew Gail was in, knowing that the nurse's station was across the hall and would take her away, further away from Gail, when all she wanted was to see her.

Holly's debate was interrupted as a woman in scrubs stopped in front of Gail's door, hand resting on the handle. She looked between the two girls.

"Are you one of you Holly by any chance?"

"I am," Holly said.

"The patient's been asking for you. In fact, after telling the resident to piss off, she's been saying that you're the only doctor allowed to touch her."

"I'm not a doctor."

The nurse's eyebrows knitted together.

"Not yet, she's a med student." Frankie amended.

"Makes sense. Well, you're welcome to come in, I'm just changing her bandages," The nurse offered with a smile. But the smile gave way to a look of confusion when Holly didn't immediately follow. She looked to Frankie who just shrugged, so the blonde woman headed in alone, and closed the door behind her.

Holly stared at the door but didn't move towards it, her body frozen where it was. She wanted to see Gail. She needed to see her. She willed her body to move, for her legs to cross the distance between Gail and her, for her arm to reach for the door separating them. But she remained in place, heart pounding in her chest so hard that she was certain that if she pressed her hand to it she could feel a thrill.

"Holls?" Frankie was still beside her, but Holly couldn't look at her, her eyes still fixed on the rectangle blocking her. The voice barely filtered into her consciousness.

"Holly?" She jumped when she felt Frankie's hand on her arm.

"I-I can't...I don't think I can..." The broken words were barely uttered, a mere whisper crossing Holly's lips but they sounded deafening in her own ears.

"Holly."

This time her name was said with far more wary than worry, but they barely registered. The air of the hospital was stale, and her chest felt tight, her muscles protesting every breath she tried to take, only permitting short, quick ones causing too much oxygen to reach her brain. Hearing was a luxury when breathing was a chore.

"Frankie." Tears were blurring her vision, the door now swimming before her.

She didn't fight, her body moving on autopilot, as Frankie dragged her towards a nearby stairwell. It was dark and the cement amplified the sound of the slamming door.

"What's wrong, Holls?"

"Can't...I can't breathe."

"Whoa whoa calm down. You're the medical one not me. If you pass out I can't help."

"Ca-...can't…"

"Just take deep breaths. She's okay, Gail's okay. They wouldn't let you see her if she wasn't. She wouldn't be asking for you if she wasn't."

Holly struggled, each thought in her head stealing the breath from her lungs. Her hands tightly gripped her knees, she had doubled over in her panic. Frankie's hand was on her back but she could barely feel it as the edges of her vision darkened.

"Come on Holly, I really need you to breathe slower. Peck is going to kill me if I let anything happen to you."

A strangled laugh caught in the tightness of her throat, sounding more like a sob. It was ironic really. The thought of Gail threatening Frankie because she was worried about Holly when she was...she almost...

"She's hurt. She could've…" Holly couldn't even say the word, its awful taste lingering in her mouth even as she choked the thought back.

"She didn't. She's okay," Frankie said firmly.

She didn't. She was okay. Gail was okay. Relatively speaking. Holly repeated the words over and over in her head until the tightness in her chest loosened enough to allow more air in. Her breathing slowed and she leaned back against the cool cement wall, letting her head rest against the unforgiving concrete.

"What am I...What am I supposed to do?"

"Go see her. She needs you."

Gail needed her. Everyone acted like Holly was Gail's salvation, the calm to her storm, the jelly to her peanut butter. But the truth was that Holly needed Gail just as much. Before arriving at the hospital, Holly's mind had gone through every horrible scenario it possibly could. Forcing her to live through fears she didn't even know she had a couple hours ago when she was sleeping soundly in her bed waiting for her girlfriend to finish work. She needed Gail to be okay, she needed her to not be hurt and stuck in a hospital, scared, and having faced even more trauma. But that wasn't the case. Because she was hurt. She was in a hospital. She was probably scared and even more traumatized than before.

And Holly couldn't move. Every muscle in her body was screaming at her to stay away, even when her brain kept telling her to go. She was shaking. When did that start?

"Let it out."

Her face was wet with tears she didn't feel until they were pooling on the shoulder of Frankie's shirt. Her friend had pulled her into a hug that she clung to with every ounce of strength in her body.

"She could've…."

"But she didn't"

"But she could've."

"But she didn't. She's here, and you can go see her for yourself."

"I can't."

"You can."

"I…"

"You can and you will. You're going to take a few minutes to get yourself together and then you're going to go in there and be with your girlfriend who's asking for you." Frankie didn't leave any room for argument.

Holly nodded, rubbing furiously at eyes that wouldn't stop leaking. It seemed that the harder she tried to calm down, the more her body protested it. But she needed to be strong, stronger than she felt. She needed to be as strong as Gail, for Gail. Anything less just wouldn't do.

Blue eyes blinked open at the sound of the door opening again.

"You're here."

Holly crossed the room. It felt slower than the movies. There was no mad dash to the bedside. Not the way she had broken speed limits on her way to the hospital or how she had jogged through the hospital until she found Frankie. Her feet felt like lead.

But there was no fighting gravity. The natural phenomenon in which all matter is brought toward one another. It was why all things that go up must come down. It was why the ocean had tides, how stars coalesced, how the Milky Way formed. And Holly knew without a doubt, it was why she crossed that room, because Gail had a gravitational pull that Holly didn't want to escape.

The moment that she could, her hand found Gail's slender wrist. Her thumb skating along the edge of bandages covering Gail's hands. "Where else would I be?"

The lighting of the room made Gail's pale skin look even paler than usual. Or maybe it was the blood loss. The normally blonde hair was matted with it. Her face darkening from the blood pooling under her skin, but there were scrapes along her chin and cheeks as well. Bandages covered the injuries on her hands, and hidden beneath the sheets, away from Holly's eyes, were the fresh gauze and tape that had been placed over the stitches running down her side.

"Somewhere else?"

"Well, you're here...so…."

"Yeah, we gotta stop meeting like this."

Holly's thumb continued rubbing along Gail's wrist, she focused on the movement, finding it hard to keep the tears out of her eyes again. "I'll say."

Gail tried to shift in her bed, to turn more towards Holly, drawn to her warm voice, wanting to see her smile, but the movement sent pain shooting through her ribs and down her side forcing the air from her lungs.

Holly froze at the sound that came from Gail, her eyes scanning over every inch again and again. "What hurts?"

"Nothing," Gail gasped.

"Liar."

"Fine. Everything. Everything hurts, Holly," Gail whimpered.

"Do you want me to get the doctor or the nurse? I'm sure they can give you something for the pain."

"No, no, I don't…" Gail's teeth grinded together harder than before. It was hard to talk, to breathe, it hurt to function. "I don't w-want it."

"You're hurting. Please let the doctors help."

"It'll make me loopy and it'll..." Gail's eyes were screwed tightly shut against the pain, a wave of nausea overcoming her as she tried her hardest to focus on breathing and getting the words out. "It'll make the dreams bad."

Holly understood the fear now. She still remembered the way Gail had thrashed on the hospital bed the last time she was in the emergency room and on pain medications. Even then Holly hadn't been able to stay away and they were barely friends at the time. Now she didn't need excuses. She wasn't going anywhere.

Her hand brushed along Gail's forehead, smoothing the lines there before resting on her cheek. "I'll be right here."

Gail leaned into the touch, she looked up at Holly, red rimmed eyes filled with vulnerability, or maybe it was hope, but she didn't say anything.

"I promise," Holly swore.

Gail pushed the remote towards Holly, allowing the brunette to hit the call button for the nurse. She stayed quiet, eyes shut tight as Holly made the request. Holly watched the way her jaw flexed again and again as they waited for what felt like an eternity for the nurse to come in to administer the medication. But what really worried Holly was the lack of any comments from her girlfriend who silently accepted the medication with a small, shaky smile to the nurse. She could only wait and hope the medication brought some relief.

A commotion outside of the room had Holly standing up from the uncomfortable chair she had pulled beside Gail's bed. She felt the audible "pops" as her joints realigned themselves and she shook the stiffness from her muscles before heading for the door.

"What the hell is going on?"

Sam and Jerry were trying to pry Chris off of his best friend, who he had pinned to the wall.

"Diaz is losing his shit on Epstein." Frankie told her. She was standing off to the side with Juliet, both watching with annoyed expressions while the guys struggled. Andy and Traci were trying to talk the boys down, causing the raucous to grow even more.

"Why?"

"Apparently all Dov needed to do was show his face."

Security arrived just as the older boys managed to pull Chris away with the help of Nick. Duncan intercepted them and did his best to distract the stoney-faced guards. They weren't amused.

"I think that's our cue to leave." Juliet said apologetically, she walked over to talk to the others and the security guards.

Frankie shook her head, "Stupid boys and their stupid testosterone. I can stay. We don't all have to go."

Holly appreciated the offer, but she could see the way Frankie couldn't stop looking over at Chloe with a level of concern she had never seen from her friend before. "It's okay, plus I think Chloe might need you tonight." The redhead was quietly standing away from the others with her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

"Still I could…."

"You really don't have to. I'm staying and it's not like more than one person can be in the room anyway. This is all just a precaution. The doctor said she just wants to keep her for observation and pain control."

"You going to be okay, Holls?"

"Yeah, for real, don't worry. Oliver said he would come by after his shift ends tonight. So he should be here soon."

"Text me?" Frankie didn't need to say why.

"Promise."

"We'll be back later. Let us know if there's anything we can bring you guys, yeah?"

Holly nodded and accepted a hug from Frankie. Soon she found herself with a line of people as she accepted hugs from the entire group. Each person whispered reassurances about how strong Gail was, how they were only a phone call away, and how they would all be back during the day. She watched as the large group gathered their things to head out, security holding the doors open to make sure they left.

Chris hung back, shuffling his weight from one foot to the other as he stood off to the side. His hand rubbed at the short hairs on the back of his neck before he cleared his throat.

Holly had her hand on the door to Gail's room when she noticed the boy. "What's up, Chris?"

"I'm going to stay, if that's okay. I'm not going to intrude or anything. I'm just going to hang out here, but…"

"It's okay. I think she'll really appreciate it."

Chris let out a sigh of relief, "Okay."

He dropped into a seat right next to Gail's room. His hands coming up to cover his face for a moment.

Holly hesitated before going into the room again, "Chris?"

He looked up, his body poised to bounce out of his seat again if needed, "Yeah?"

"Thanks." Knowing that someone else was looking out for Gail meant more than Holly could express. A warm appreciation for Gail's friend loosened some of the anxiety she wasn't even aware was still weighing heavily on her heart.

A darkness clouded Chris's features. "I owe her. A lot. I'm just...I'm sorry I didn't stay. I should've. Maybe then…"

"It's not your fault. The only person at fault is the one who attacked Gail."

"He's in the OR."

"I heard."

"For his sake, he'll be better off not coming out of there."

"Chris!" Even if Holly felt the same way, it wasn't something they should be saying. After everything the man had done, Gail didn't deserve the weight of his death on her conscience.

But Chris was unapologetic, a hardness that didn't suit him showing. "It's true."

Holly opened her mouth to continue her protest but she could hear Gail's voice on the other side of the door. "I should get back in there."

"See the marketplace in old Algier

Send me photographs and souvenirs

Just remember when a dream appears

You belong to me

I'd be so alone without you

Maybe you'd be lonesome too and blue"

Gail was singing to the empty room, lying in bed and no longer struggling against the oppressive pain. It was still there, but only when she moved too much, and it was much duller than before. So as long as she laid still while she sang, she felt pretty good. Much better than before.

"Patsy Cline?" Holly asked, a bemused smile on her lips as she took her place beside the bed.

Gail stopped singing. Taking in the vision of the gorgeous woman in her room, the one with the lopsided smile. "You're pretty."

"You're loopy."

Gail's fingertips poked out from under the bandages, dried blood still caked into the crevices of her nails. But she ran them along the length of Holly's arm, her skin felt like silk. "You're soft."

"I'm glad you think so."

"Be my bed." Gail tugged on the arm then patted the place beside her. Well, more like clumsily thumped the mattress with barely controlled limbs.

"You don't like to cuddle," Holly reminded her, but she lowered the side of the bed to lay in the space beside Gail all the same. She needed the contact just as much.

"I'm not cuddling," Gail informed Holly seriously.

"No?"

"Nuh-uh. I'm sleeping on my bed." Gail shamelessly buried her face against the warmest pillows she had ever found, "So soft."

Holly chuckled as her arms wrapped around the goofy woman beside her, "You're such a lightweight."

Gail's head popped up, blue eyes comically wide. "Oh my god, you're right. What if I float away?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Holly, I'm going to float away!"

"No, you're not." Holly couldn't stop the grin that was on her face, she pulled Gail into a tighter embrace. "I won't let you."

"You won't?"

"Nope."

Gail settled back down, relaxing back into Holly. She was quiet for a few minutes, the only noises were the two women's breathing and the beeping of the monitors still attached to Gail. Just as Holly thought Gail had fallen asleep she heard a sigh and felt another nuzzle into her boobs.

"Man, I love..." But Gail mumbled the last word. Sleep was taking hold of her weary body.

"What?" Holly choked out.

"My bed. Soft. So soft." Gail muttered directly into Holly's cleavage before drifting off entirely.

Holly tried her hardest to contain her laughter, not wanting to move the most insane person she had ever met. Gail may not have said it, but Holly was sure of it. She loved this woman. She loved her with her entire heart.

And it scared the ever loving shit out of her.

Chloe froze in the doorway of the empty room she shared with Gail. She was staring into the darkness when she felt a hand on her hip. It slid along her back before tangling with her own as Frankie tugged her up the steps behind her.

She didn't say a word while the senior moved around her. She was curled up in soft clothing under warm blankets in no time, her body pressed tightly into Frankie's. Chloe could feel the way Frankie's chest rose and fell with each breath she took. Her fingers laced along her ribs, feeling them expand and contract. She could hear Frankie's heartbeat rhythmically thumping below her ear.

"Is Gail okay?"

The thought had plagued her the entire ride back. She hadn't wanted to leave the hospital, but with the boys causing trouble, and security making it clear that too many people were at the hospital, it had only made sense that they head home for a bit.

She knew what the doctors had said. They had told Holly and Holly had told the group, with Gail's permission that, physically, Gail was going to be fine. The doctors had called her lucky, even. Apparently, whatever had happened could've been much worse. But Chloe and the others hadn't been allowed to see Gail.

"Holly said she was."

"Is Holly okay?"

"I don't know."

"That's not very comforting."

"I know." Frankie tightened her hold around Chloe, lips pressed to the top of her head. "Gail's strong. So is Holly. They'll be okay. They just might not be right now. Or for awhile."

Chloe sighed, "You're not very good at this."

"I never claimed to be. Would you rather I lied to you?"

"No. Never."

"So then believe me when I say they'll be okay."

She wanted to believe Frankie. Wanted to believe in the inherent positivity of fate. That all things happened for a reason. That the universe would balance itself out and bring Gail good things to make up for all the bad shi-stuff it threw her way. That Gail would not only be okay but would be stronger, because what doesn't kill….

Oh, fuck it!

None of the clichés were making Chloe feel any better. None of the words she told herself, no mantra she repeated again and again made any of this better. Gail was in a hospital bed, hurt. Holly was in a hospital room forced to watch her girlfriend hurting. Chris was at the hospital blaming himself. Traci was still washing Gail's blood off of her. Things didn't always work out for the better. Sometimes….sometimes life just sucked.

She didn't want to feel this way. She had spent years forcing herself not to. Not to give into the darkness. No, Chloe wanted to be in the light. She needed to be.

There were words she needed to say. In the dark, the quiet. Fears she tried to keep buried. Sadness she accepted, but kept hidden. It was coming to the surface and she didn't think she could contain it any longer.

"My sister died when she was a little more than Gail's age. She was the coolest person I've ever known. She was brutally honest, she said that life was too short to waste it lying about your thoughts and feelings. And she was happy. Because it was too short to waste it being sad. She's the reason I always watch the Breakfast Club on my birthday."

Chloe's head bounced uncomfortably against Frankie's sternum when the older girl suddenly shifted to be able to look at her. She wasn't sure if it was her voice piercing the silence or the words she had said causing the reaction.

"I-I didn't know."

"I know. That's why I told you." No one knew. Chloe didn't like to talk about it. She talked about everything, anything, she could literally talk about nothing. But she always struggled to talk about this.

Frankie caught a red curl, pushing it behind Chloe's ear as she thought of what to say. "Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry about your sister, she sounds awesome. I wish I could've met her."

"Me too. She would've liked you. And Gail. Probably Gail more."

"Hey!"

"What? She had a thing for blondes."

"Fair enough." Frankie tilted Chloe's chin up to look at her despite the darkness of her room. "But what about you? Do you have a thing for blondes?"

Chloe smiled, melting into Frankie's touch and finally feeling her body relax with the banter. "Gail's hot. She's super sexy in a kinda scary way." She smiled even wider at Frankie's snort of laughter. She laced their fingers together and brought them to her lips. "But the only person I have a thing for right now is you."

The words slipped out and Chloe's grip tightened, there was a lingering fear that Frankie would still run if she said too much about her feelings. Chloe knew that she could be overwhelming on a good day. And today was not a good day.

But Frankie surprised her with a gentle kiss, just a brush of their lips together before she pulled Chloe even closer.

"We're all gonna be okay." Frankie whispered into the small space between them.

And Chloe wanted to believe her. She needed to. She pressed closer, her lips finding Frankie's, grounding her. Yeah, she could believe for a little while.

The cold metal pressed against her skin and her breath caught in her chest, holding tighter than the bulky arm wrapped around her. Her heart pounded erratically as the blood rushed to her ears. She couldn't scream even if she wanted to, her throat closing up as fear took hold of her entire body. Her panic made it almost impossible for her to hear the words of the man who now had a strong grip on her and a sharp blade stinging the skin at her neck.

"That's right, Blondie. Let's make this real easy. You don't struggle and you don't scream and maybe I'll keep that pretty little face of yours intact. But one word and even your brother won't recognize you."

Both her hands dug deeply into the arm holding the blade, trying hard to keep it from piercing her skin. The words blurred together in her brain, she remembered the night of the party. She had struggled against the boy who had grabbed her that night. With warm blood pouring down the side of her face, she had tried to throw him off of her. She remembered the prick in her neck before her entire body felt like it was moving through water and everything turned black.

The arm holding her now jerked and she was back in the alley with the man who was trying to drag her back, towards what she didn't know, but her legs refused to budge. Like hell she was going through this a second time. She pulled against his other arm and she felt a quick burning pain before the blood began trickling down her neck.

"Oh a fighter, huh? Usually I like a fighter, but I really don't have time for this. We have places to be."

Gail slammed her head backwards, dark spots filled her vision as a sickening crunch filled the air. The man stumbled back, curses pouring out of his mouth as blood filled it, but Gail was already moving back towards to the door leading to the bar. Leading back to safety.

Her feet left the ground as her entire body collided with the cold, unforgiving pavement. The man's weight knocked every ounce of wind out of her as he tackled her to the ground, but she scrambled to get out from under him.

Gail's body snapped to attention before the pain set in. The world tilted for a moment, and a wave of nausea hit.

"Gail, hey you're okay. You're safe and in the hospital."

Gail blinked as a bright light snapped on, illuminating the room. But it wasn't very comforting. Her head ached, and her eyes throbbed. Glancing around, she was reminded very clearly of how much she hated hospitals. Hated the white walls that the light bounced off of. Hated the noises of the machines. Hated the smell. There was still the lingering scent of metal from her wounds and all the blood. So much blood. Her skin itched with the thought of it, with the stickiness she still felt. She was going to be sick.

"Pan."

Holly barely managed to get the bedpan to her before her stomach emptied. It made the pain even worse as her body heaved, every muscle she possessed wanting to protest the action but the rolling of her stomach making it impossible. It felt like forever before she laid back, sweating and shaking.

The pan was lifted away from her. Moved to the side of her bed where it could still be reached. She felt a cold hand against her forehead.

"I'm going to call the nurse."

She tried to protest, but found that she could do little more than whimper as Holly climbed off the bed, hitting the nurse's button and explaining the situation. She had to shut her eyes when Holly's pacing made the dizziness worse while they waited for the nurse to come.

The nurse arrived quickly. Asking a bunch of questions that Gail did her best to answer but the words felt thick in her mouth, her tongue tripping over them. She tried to tell her that she didn't need a doctor, but that didn't stop the night shift resident from shining a bright light in her eyes, or making her move her limbs when she didn't want to, or doing stupid things like sticking out her tongue and moving her eyes. It also didn't stop the doctor from sending her for more imaging of her head.

"Well the good news is that the CT didn't show any evidence of bleeding in the brain." The junior doctor explained.

"What's the bad news?"

"You're going to have to stay for an MRI and so we can monitor your concussion."

"You just said there's no bleeding."

"The MRI will show more of the brain."

"No," Gail flatly refused. She didn't want to spend even a second longer than she absolutely had to in the hospital. She would have tried to leave earlier, but she didn't have enough energy to, and then Holly showed up and Gail figured she could survive one day if she had to. But she wasn't going to waste any extra time.

The resident doctor looked confused by her response. "But this is really the best way to be certain that there isn't a small amount of bleeding that the other images haven't shown."

"What part of no did you not understand?"

"Gail," Holly said her name softly.

But Gail shook her head resolutely, causing the burning sensation to rise up her throat again. She swallowed it back down, "No."

The doctor looked between the two women who were having a silent conversation as they glared at one another. He cleared his throat awkwardly, "Well you still aren't going anywhere yet. You can talk more about this with the team later. I'm just covering for the night."

Holly thanked the man as he headed out the door before she turned back to Gail. One eyebrow raised and her lips pursed.

"I'm not going in a machine that's going to be loud and stuffy." Even the thought of the noise and being trapped had Gail's stomach ready to give out again.

"Since when are you claustrophobic?"

"Since everything in my body hurts and that sounds like torture."

"Gail you could have an injury you don't know about."

"I'm not doing it."

Holly sighed, clearly displeased with Gail's stubbornness. "We can talk more about this later. You need to rest before they come in to check on you again."

Gail looked away, staring blankly at the awful walls instead of Holly's beautiful face. "I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"I was dreaming." She let out a sigh, the ache in her ribs returning, "It was bad."

Holly brushed her fingers through blonde bangs, "Gail, I'm sorry. I thought-"

"No. It would've happened anyway."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What's there to talk about? I fucked up again. I was in the alley and I wasn't paying enough attention and I was jumped. I'm so fucking stupid."

"Gail, it is not your fault that some random guy decided to attack you."

"It's my fault for not paying attention. I can't wait for the Superintendent to hear about this. I can just hear her voice now. How could you be so careless Gail? Do you learn nothing from your mistakes? Twice, Gail, you let this happen twice."

"You really think she'd act like that."

Gail rubbed at her head absentmindedly. Her fingers tracing along the jagged line of the scar from before. "I know she would. Guess at least this time she doesn't need to even pretend to show up and care. Not that she did the last time either."

Gail could still remember the looks of disappointment her mother had given after the party. The last thing she needed was her around making her feel the way she always did. Her mother had a way of...

The guy who grabbed her hadn't said "mother".

"He said brother," Gail said aloud.

Holly looked at her, fingers stilling and brows coming together with a frown. "What?"

"I need to talk to the police."

"You're sure he said brother."

"Yes."

"Not mother."

"No. It was definitely brother."

"The phrase is usually mother."

"I know." Gail couldn't hold back the condescension from her voice. It's what she had been telling them since the moment they walked through the door. She had repeated it, harped on it, she was ready to pitch a billboard explaining it to them. "That's why I'm telling you. I need to know that Steve is okay."

Detective Boyd quickly dismissed her concerns, "Officer Peck is fine. He's in the process of wrapping up the operation."

"But he's still out there."

"Thank you for the information. We'll be in touch."

The scruffy detective was out the door before Gail could even voice her protest.

Officer Williams looked at the girl on the bed. She knew her brother, had trained him and Oliver. She looked up to her mother and all she had accomplished rising the ranks the way she had. Noelle wasn't known for her soft touch. But she couldn't just leave her like that.

"Just worry about your recovery Miss Peck. You did good. You stopped the guy and we'll take it from here. With your statement, it should be enough to ensure that the person responsible for your attack sees the inside of a jail cell."

Gail knew what Noelle was trying to do, but it provided little comfort when Steve was still out there. She knew there was a target on his back and there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't have his back. They were supposed to have each other's backs.

"We'll bring him home, Gail. Your brother, he's one of the good ones. Trust me."

Gail nodded, accepting the brief smile and curt nod from the officer before she was alone again.

She had given her entire statement. Had explained everything that had happened to the best of her ability. She described walking out to the dumpster and hearing a noise. She remembered that the light had been out in the alley. That as she started back to the door she had been grabbed. She remembered fighting off her attacker. Remembered being tackled to the ground. The feeling of the ground tearing at her skin as she slid on it, the contact her head made with the concrete. She remembered how it was hard to focus after that but that she still tried to get away. She remembered the burning pain as the blade slashed along her side as she struggled to get out from under him. She remembered wrestling for the knife and the moment that it went into her attacker's abdomen. She could remember the feeling of his blood coating her hands. She described everything that had happened. Every detail until the world went black. But what she focused on the most were his words.

Because his words didn't make sense, unless the attack wasn't random, unless she had been targeted on purpose. If Steve had been uncovered, if someone had made the connection, then it wasn't her that she was worried about. Her brother may not make it home at all. If he was even still alive.

Holly's arms wrapped tightly around the solid form of Oliver Shaw. He was still in uniform, thick work jacket and utility belt getting in the way. But it was Oliver and everything about him made Holly feel better.

"Thank you for coming."

"I wasn't going anywhere else. Has she told you anything about what happened?"

"Not really. She was in a lot of pain when I showed up. Then they gave her medicine that put her pretty out of it, so she was sleeping. She woke up and they had to run some tests, but then she demanded that I call the police. I'm sorry, I wasn't sure if I had to go through official channels or not."

"I'm kinda surprised no one tried to interview her sooner."

"I think with the chaos of everything and Gail had blacked out for awhile, they were just waiting."

"But she's awake now?" Holly nodded. "Good, good. Knowing our girl she'll be plotting her escape in no time."

"Escape?"

"She hates hospitals."

"Right, yeah." Holly let out a breath, her hand shook as she brushed her fingers through her hair.

"How are you doing, darlin?"

Holly opened her mouth to speak, but closed it. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes and the lump forming in her throat. She tried to swallow past it, but Oliver was already pulling her into another hug.

"I could've lost her, Ollie. That man could've taken her from me. And we haven't even been together that long, but I just can't...I can't lose her."

"You're not going to lose her."

"It isn't fair. Why is it always her?"

"I don't know. But Peck is strong. You know she is. And she isn't alone. We're going to make sure she knows it this time, eh?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course."

They talked for a while. Chris went to find them decent coffee and given them privacy in the waiting area for awhile. Oliver was in the middle of telling both Holly and Chris a story about Gail and Steve at their family's cabin when the door to Gail's room opened and the three shot to their feet.

Detective Boyd barely glanced at them as he pulled out his phone on his way out of the hospital. Officer Williams was lagging. She closed the door softly behind her.

"She's all yours."

Holly felt Oliver give her arm a squeeze before she headed into the room, leaving the two officers to talk to each other.

"Hey."

Gail didn't say a word. Her eyes fixed on a spot across the room from her.

"Oliver's outside. He charmed the nurse into permission to come in if it's okay with you."

Gail shrugged, but still didn't look at her. Holly felt an actual ache in her chest at the sight of her girlfriend. She tried to think of the physiological explanation of the sensation. She wanted the science to hold onto, to have something to make sense when everything felt so senseless. But she couldn't think of it. All she could think about was the way Gail looked so small, curled up in the hospital bed, and how hard she was trying to hide a pain that went deeper than her physical injuries.

Holly stood beside her, she hesitated once as she reached out for Gail's hand. Her fingers curled lightly around the bandages. She gave a small squeeze, "Hey."

A shock went through her system as Gail's eyes looked up at her. The ocean had nothing on the depths of blue that Holly could feel herself falling into. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now. Can we just not for awhile?"

"Whatever you want."

Gail went back to staring and Holly started to let go, to pull back, to give her space, when Gail's hand turned over. She laced her fingers with Holly's, giving a squeeze.

Holly held on tighter.

"Knock knock."

Even Oliver's smiling face wasn't enough to calm Gail's fears. "Have you heard anything about Steve?"

"Steve?" Oliver looked at Holly, who simply shrugged, "No. Why?"

"I'm pretty sure the person who attacked me is working for whoever Steve is trying to take down."

Both Oliver and Holly exchanged a concerned look.

"What makes you think that?"

"There were things he said," Gail waved her hand dismissing the details. They weren't important right then. "Look, I know Steve is in trouble."

"Did you tell Detective Boyd?"

"Yeah, but I don't think he listened to me."

"Steve will be okay."

"You don't know that."

"No, I don't, but I believe it. And you should too. Come on, you're Pecks. Steve may not be as charming as you, but I've seen him get himself out of plenty of tough spots. Remember that time he took the Inspector's Bentley for a joyride and got pulled over. He walked away without a ticket and your dad never found out."

"No, the Superintendent found out and made Steve break up with his girlfriend when she found out that's who he had taken it to see."

"Oh, right. Bad example. Well, what about..."

"Ollie, this isn't stealing booze or throwing a house party. Steve is dealing with gangbangers and drug dealers. They'd kill him just cause he's a ginger."

"Your brother knows what he's doing. He'll make it back. He will and you'll owe me a baker's dozen when he does."

Holly's hand gave hers another squeeze, drawing her attention. "Steve's strong and smart."

"He's a dumbass."

"A very capable dumbass."

Oliver pointed to Holly, "Exactly."

"They know who I am, Oliver."

Oliver gripped his utility belt tighter, shoulders squared, spine straight. "You're sure about that?"

"No, I'm lying because getting my side sliced open, my ribs nearly broken, and my head bashed in wasn't quite enough attention."

She could see Holly stiffen in her seat out of the corner of her eye.

"I'll be right back," Oliver was out the door before Holly or Gail could ask where he was going.

Holly still had a tight hold on her hand, well as tight as one could hold something with a bunch of bandages in the way. Her bruised and bloody hand looked even more gnarly next to Holly's smooth skin. It seemed like a crime just to be touching her.

"You believe me, don't you?"

"Yeah," Holly's voice was barely above a whisper, her fingers twitched, "I believe you."

Silence settled. The air thick with rampant thoughts that went unspoken. It was only a few minutes before Oliver returned, but the heaviness slowed time to an almost standstill.

"Guess who's got herself a babysitter," Oliver had both hands resting on his utility belt.

"What? No."

"If you're being targeted then yes."

"No, everyone needs to be working on finding Steve."

"We are. And in the meantime, I'm keeping an eye on you until someone comes to relieve me."

"You can't be fucking serious."

"As a heartattack."

"I hate that phrase."

"You hate everything."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"You don't have a choice."

It was Holly who cut into the argument, "Gail."

"Holly," She mimicked.

"Please."

Gail wavered. It was hard not to with Holly right there, looking...looking like that.

Oliver could feel the tension between the two and decided to give them some privacy. "I'm going to go keep Chris company for a bit." He stepped out of the room, taking up station just outside the door.

"Chris is here?" Gail was confused why he would still be there when everyone else had left already.

"He wanted to stay."

"Why?"

"He's worried about you. They all are. Even Dov was here." Gail hadn't spoken to him since Chris had been in the hospital. She opened her mouth to ask about him but Holly was still talking.

"But uh ah there were too many people so security asked them to uh come back later. They said they'd bring whatever you need."

"Great."

"Your friends care about you."

"Don't call them that. They might start getting ideas."

"Like worrying about you when you're in the hospital."

"Or coming to visit me."

"Right. That would just be the worst."

"Glad we finally agree."

"I don't want to argue with you."

"So don't."

"Even when I think you're being stubborn."

"Especially then."

"Right."

The fight slipped out of her as quickly as Holly's hand did. She watched her girlfriend's arms cross. Instead of holding Gail, Holly took a tight hold of her own arms as her shoulders sank.

Gail felt the emptiness as soon as it was there. "Hey."

Holly wouldn't look at her.

"Hey, Holls, look at me." But her eyes were still fixed pointedly on the floor. She tried to reach out again, but Holly was now out of reach. "Come on, Nerd, mobility is kind of hindered for me right now."

Holly looked up. Where Gail expected to see anger, or resentment, she didn't. She saw the bags under Holly's eyes. Eyes that weren't nearly as bright as they usually were around her. She saw the slightest lines tugging down at the corner of Holly's lips. She didn't like that she was the cause of what she saw.

"I was kidding. I'm glad you speak your mind. It means…." Holly cared. Or at least Gail hoped that was what it meant. She just wasn't used to people caring. "I know you're trying to look out for me. But it's my life. I'm allowed to decide for myself what I do and don't want."

"I know that. But I feel better knowing the police are here to protect you. At least until we know for sure what's going on with Steve."

"I don't have much of a choice anyway."

" 'Fraid not."

"What else is new?" She grumbled to herself and was glad that Holly appeared not to have heard her. She let out as deep a breath as she could manage with busted ribs and closed her eyes. She couldn't wait for this nightmare to be over.

She missed the way Holly's lips had turned down further.

It had been a revolving door of guests all day. And honestly it was exhausting being that social. So when it was finally just Gail and Holly, it was easy for the blonde to close her eyes for some needed rest. Well, almost easy.

"You're staring."

Holly let the book she was supposed to be reading drop onto her stomach. "Can't help it. You're beautiful."

Gail scoffed, "You're visually impaired."

"Good thing you're so easy on the eyes then."

"I've looked in the mirror, Nerd, you're not fooling me."

Holly reached out, smoothing the lines that had ran along Gail's porcelain skin, maneuvering carefully near the scabs that were already forming. "Honey, you're alive and with me and that is the most beautiful thing I can think of."

"You have a big brain."

"It holds a lot of thoughts."

"So that's saying a lot."

"Yeah. It is."

Gail's smile was just the slightest uptick of her lips, softening all the sharp angles that usually pierced a person's soul. "You should be studying."

"You should be getting an MRI, but we don't always do what we're supposed to, now do we?" Holly settled back into her chair, propping her feet up onto Gail's bed and cradling the textbook in her lap.

"You're supposed to be on my side," Gail huffed.

"I'm always on your side."

"I don't want the test. My head is fine. They're blowing this out of proportion."

Holly kept her eyes on the textbook in front of her. "Fine."

"Don't fine me."

"What do you want me to say, Gail? It's your choice. Your body. I'm not going to argue with you about it."

"Really? Because it's what you've been doing."

Holly sighed, she shifted her glasses up so she could rub at her eyes before looking back at Gail. "I'm sorry. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm okay. Really."

"The tests can confirm that."

"I'm feeling better. I haven't even puked once today, and I spent an inordinate amount of time with McNally. And Collins."

"Fair enough. But if you start to feel worse, will you please at least consider it?"

"Yeah. I'll consider it."

"That's all I ask."

"Now...who's...the…..needy….one." The words came out between a coughing fit that rattled her sore ribs.

Holly handed Gail the cup of water she was pathetically reaching for, "Obviously me."

"Glad you admit it. That's always the first step."

Holly shook her head and focused on her book, but the smile on her lips was a fond one. It was the one that pulled slightly higher on the one side, it's crookedness just that much more appealing.

Gail wanted to sit up in her bed, she wanted to be able to reach her girlfriend without feeling any pain. But it wasn't easy and Gail didn't want any more medication. She let out a frustrated sigh, earning her Holly's attention.

"I really want to kiss you right now," Gail admitted.

Holly put her book on the table and moved to the edge of Gail's bed, pressing her weight onto it, as she gently cupped Gail's cheek. When she leaned forward it was only a soft press of her lips that Gail felt, so she pulled her closer, wanting to feel more. Kissing Holly was better than any medication she had ever had.

The alarm on Gail's bed went off. The one that signaled that she was trying to get out of bed without assistance.

The two women broke apart with laugh.

"Good job, Nerd. Now the nurse is going to call."

"Not my fault you're a flight risk."

Holly hit the proper sequence to shut the alarm off and explained to the nurse who called that it had been an accident.

"We should pick back up where we left off," Gail suggested.

"You're right." Holly sat back down and picked up her book.

Gail's jaw dropped at the audacity.

Holly's eyes stayed on the book, but a smirk curled at her lips. "Now who's the one staring."

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

It was well past visiting hours.

Everyone had visited since her admission to the hospital. All of the people she lived with and next to, Celery brought tea, Charlie had shown up in between shifts at the bar. Dov, with Sue in tow, had apologized for being a dick to her after what happened with Chris. He lent her his oldschool Gameboy, which resulted in her spending the better part of the evening playing Tetris. Waverly and Nicole had brought some of Waverly's famous banana muffins. (Oliver stole a quarter of said muffins at the start of his shift as her babysitter-guard). Even Rachel and Lisa had stopped by, though Gail suspected that had more to do with them wanting to check on Holly, who had essentially moved into the hospital room with her.

Well, almost everyone.

Not a single person with the last name Peck had made an appearance. No phone calls. No texts. No carrier pigeons or smoke signals. The absence shouldn't have bothered her. It wasn't like the last time she was in the hospital her parents had actually spent any time checking on her, just transporting her to an empty house before going back to work. It had been for show then. But now, the absence was a statement. A very definitive one.

When the door to her room creaked open just slightly after midnight she wasn't even surprised. "Seriously, Ollie, I'm going to tell Celery that you literally stole all my muffins."

"I always thought you were the Garbage Pail."

"Steve!"

"Hey baby sister."

God, he was a pale sight for sore eyes. The near darkness of the room cast shadows across his face, but Gail could still see the slight puffiness on one side. He had a goatee that made him look ridiculous and his ear was pierced. Every bone in her body wanted to mock him, but she was in too much shock just to see him.

"You're alive."

"What else would I be?" Steve rubbed at his arm after Gail's hand landed a blow. "Ow."

"You deserve that." Even though she was sure the punch had caused her more pain than him. Her knuckles were as bruised as the rest of her body. The swelling had been so bad that some of the rings she had been wearing that night had needed to be cut off. She'd miss the skull ring the most.

She felt uncomfortable with the way Steve stared. Everyone had stared. She couldn't blame them, or at least Holly had told her that she shouldn't blame them. But that didn't mean she enjoyed it. "What?"

"I'm so, so sorry, Gail. You were never supposed to become a part of any of this."

"Wasn't your fault."

"I should've been more careful. I never should have sent you that letter. I never should've let you have my car. It made it easy to make the connection between us. I don't know when they figured out who I was, but it's my fault you're hurt."

"It's not your fault, dumbass. You're a Peck. You stop the bad guys. Gotta keep the city safe, Superman."

"We're Pecks. And I should've protected you better."

Steve's words caused her stomach to sink, "You haven't heard."

"Heard what?"

"I'm not a Peck anymore. Haven't been since I told the Superintendent and Inspector about my relationship with Holly."

"What?!"

"Yep."

Any jovalty had faded as Steve realized she was being serious. "Okay. I know I was gone a while, but what the actual hell?"

"Bill and Elaine gave me an ultimatum."

"And you chose Holly?"

Gail nodded, the bandage on her neck itched with the action. "It wasn't much of a choice." Not to her anyway.

"So they've…"

"Cut me off from any money that is even tainted by the Pecks and told me I'm not family anymore."

"I'll talk to them."

"Don't bother. I never fit the Peck mold anyway. This was just the excuse they needed."

"You're a Peck."

"Maybe I don't want to be."

"Well, you're still my sister. You're also the toughest broad I know."

Even in the dark the pride was evident in Steve's blue eyes. They weren't like his sisters. Never had been. Never as guarded, never as piercing. But damn could they shine.

A small smile tugged at Gail's lips. "I'm glad you didn't die."

A wide grin broke across Steve's face. He gave Gail's hand a squeeze. "I'm glad you didn't either."

Just before she was finally freed from the hospital the doctor tried to give her a script for pain medication. Gail refused to even take the paper with her. She wasn't about to tempt fate anymore that year. Not after everything that had already happened.

"You're going to hurt for quite some time."

"I'll manage," Gail wheezed. Her ribs still hurt with every breath she took, but she would be damned if she was going to go home with the same stuff her friend had almost killed himself with. The same thing that she had been tempted to use herself.

"You need to be seen by a primary care doctor sometime in the next two weeks and stitches can come out in a week."

"I'll pencil it into my calendar."

The man in the white coat turned to Holly. "Will you see to it that she does?"

"Of course, Doctor." Holly had to bite her lip not to laugh at the way Gail stuck out her tongue at the physician behind his back.

"Alright then just wait for the nurse to bring you the rest of your paperwork. Best of luck, Ms. Peck."

The doctor's eyes only briefly met hers before he was back to looking at Holly, shaking her hand on his way out the door.

"I think he has a crush on you."

"He was being polite."

"Definitely has a crush on you."

"Even if he did. He's not my type."

"No? He's a successful doctor. Probably has lots of student loan debt to show for it."

"He's also a male. And even if he wasn't, I have a super hot girlfriend. Why would I want anyone else?"

"Your girlfriend's been living in a hospital."

"Ha. And you think the doctor doesn't?"

"Well, at least he gets paid to be here."

Holly snorted. It wasn't cute, but it still made Gail want to smile. "He's a resident. Trust me, he's not getting paid nearly enough to be here."

"Still I bet he could make a good trophy husband. You two could be the perfect power couple."

Holly rolled her eyes, she really hated that phrase, "You know what I bet he couldn't do?"

"Satisfy you in bed?"

Holly barked out a loud laugh, "Well, that's for sure."

Gail smirked.

"But I bet he couldn't fight off an armed attacker. I bet he couldn't figure out his brother was in danger and send him help." Gail blushed and tried to look away, but Holly gently caught her chin and forced her to meet her gaze. "I bet he can't speak four languages. I bet he wouldn't listen when I talked nonstop about classes and going to the lab. I bet he couldn't make me laugh."

Gail bit at her lower lip, "You make me sound special."

"You are special. You're my hero, Gail Danger Peck."

Sincerity was radiating off of Holly and Gail had to look away again. Luckily the silence that descended was quickly interrupted. The nurse came in, giving paperwork for Gail to sign and an even bigger stack for her to take with her. Papers that were promptly given to Holly since she knew her medical student girlfriend would want to dissect every word of them.

"You ready to go home?"

"Which home?" Shit, Gail felt stupid for even saying that. She was supposed to only have one home that she shared with the five other undergrads, even if Holly's place felt more like one than her current house. And it certainly felt more like one than the Peck residence ever had. "House. I meant which house."

"Well if you come with me you won't have to do stairs. And there's someone there who would be more than happy to play doctor with you."

"I knew Rachel liked me."

"You're an ass."

"You love my ass." Holly rolled her eyes, but her smile stayed in place. Gail reached for her hand. "Let's go home."

Holly was a scientist.

She always had been. Littered across her grandparents' home were the photographs to prove it. Pictures of a young Holly peering into her first microscope, large glasses bumping the machine. Of Halloweens dressed in scrubs with a pilfered stethoscope from her grandfather. Of her trying to wear his old white coat as it dragged on the floor behind her. Gail hadn't seen any of those pictures. Not yet. She would. One day. Maybe. Hopefully.

Gail had walked away from her attack with some seriously bruised ribs, a knife wound to her side requiring a dozen stitches, bruised and bloody knuckles, a nasty blow to the head, and a litany of blemishes across her skin in her struggles.

Holly was a scientist.

She knew that kisses couldn't heal. But this knowledge wasn't enough to stop her from pressing her lips to every bruise, every scrape, every stitch littering her girlfriend's skin. To the point that it made Gail squirm beneath her ministrations.

She felt Gail tug at her arms, and Holly obliged, moving upward and pressing Gail further into her bed. She couldn't stop kissing her, not until she felt Gail pull and press a little too hard did she remember that Gail was supposed to be in recovery.

"Doctor said not to exert yourself."

"I'm not. I'm just laying here." Gail's lips were already chasing hers.

But Holly held back. "Doesn't feel like you're just laying."

"No?" Gail hooked her leg, hips pressing up. "What does it feel like?"

"Like you want to exert yourself."

"Well, the doctor also said that I need to exercise my lungs."

When Gail kissed her again, it left them both breathless.

"I don't think he meant like this."

"Hey, I'm just trying to follow doctor's orders."

Holly only gave up one more brief kiss before pulling away completely. "Mmhmm. I just got you back here and I'd like to keep it that way."

Gail pouted, "You're no fun."

"How about you go wash up and I'll get us set up for a movie."

"Are clothes required?"

"Yes, clothes are required. If you put some on, I'll let you pick the movie.

"Doesn't really seem like much of a trade."

"I'll even make popcorn."

"Now we're talking."

It was later on the couch, pillows and blankets surrounding them, television softly playing in the background, wayward pieces of popcorn forgotten temporarily that it hit Holly again.

She loved Gail.

Holly was a scientist, not a poet, but Gail made every poem she had ever learned in school make sense. She loved her acerbic wit, her morbid humor, the way her smiles could light up every dark crevice of the world or cut a person down to size. She was the muse people spent their lives looking for.

She loved that if she ran her fingers through Gail's hair, it was almost guaranteed to get her to sleep. Like she was in that moment. Stretched along the length of couch, head in Holly's lap. The movie had ended and Holly hadn't been able to get up to change it, but it didn't matter. She was enjoying the moment. She loved the quiet moments. She had come way too close to not having them anymore.

"You're thinking too loud."

Even cranky Gail made Holly's heart beat faster. The physiological response to the excitement she felt every time she heard her voice. It was practically Pavlovian.

"You know that's not physically possible right?"

"Mmhmm. Too loud. Woke me up."

"Sorry."

"As you should be." Holly couldn't stop herself from smiling and was glad that Gail still hadn't opened her eyes. "So what are you thinking about?"

Could Holly tell her? Just let the words out. Let Gail know how much she loved her and couldn't imagine a life without her in it. That for some agonizing time she had feared that was what would happen.

"I...I love….." Gail blinked up at her and Holly's heart stuttered in her chest. She wet her lips and swallowed against her suddenly dry throat. "...Having you here."

Not yet, apparently. The words were there. Resting just at the tip of her tongue. But they had hung on, not ready to be heard just yet.

Holly's awkwardness seemingly went unnoticed. "It's nice being here. Much quieter than if we went to the Henhouse. There's no Price or McNally to talk our ears off."

"You can come here whenever you want."

"I don't know that Rachel and Lisa would be okay with that."

"What if they were?"

"Yeah, right, Lisa can't stand me."

Holly may not have been ready to say the words she wanted to, but there was something else she could give Gail. The key had already been made. It was sitting on her desk in her room. Holly hadn't been sure about the right way to give it. Was it supposed to be romantic? Gail would probably tease her for romance. Was it supposed to be practical? Holly had been agonizing about it since Rachel and Lisa first mentioned the idea. Without a plan in mind, she just started talking.

"There's something I've wanted to give you."

After only a small protest from Gail, Holly was able to cajole Gail into sitting up enough for her to go to her room (there was a gift involved to make things easier). Even in the short time it took for her to walk back to the couch, her palms were already sweating as she handed the small box to Gail.

Gail's eyes lit up at the sight of the BB-8 keychain before confusion took over as she noticed the little piece of metal already attached.

"A key?"

"Yeah, you know, so you don't have to pick the lock anymore." Practical. Holly had gone with practical over romantic. (Scientist, not Poet).

Gail still had a weird expression on her face that caused an avalanche of words to tumble out of Holly's mouth.

"It's okay, right? It's just a key to make things easier. This way you don't have to feel guilty if you come over late and now you don't have to wait for me if I'm at the hospital or class or the clinic or the lab and you can just wait here instead of the hallway. If you don't want to use it, it's okay, I just figured that this-"

Gail cut her off with a kiss. "Why so nervous, Nerd?"

"You always make me nervous." Holly admitted without thinking. It was hard to think when Gail kissed her.

"Is that a good thing?"

"It is."

Gail smiled and Holly leaned forward to kiss those addictive lips again, but Gail stopped her.

"Lisa knows you're giving this to me, right?"

"Of course she does."

"Good. I wouldn't want her changing the locks before I had a chance to use it."

Holly laughed and Gail pulled her closer, closing the gap she had created. Holly happily fell into the rhythm of kissing Gail. There was no need to rush, just their lips moving lazily in time with one another. She was careful with her hands, keeping them on Gail's hips and far away from the worst of her injuries.

Maybe the scientist in Holly knew that kisses couldn't heal, but that didn't mean she had to stop trying.

Gail walked into a house filled with laughter and voices and the smell of food cooking. Her house wasn't better than Holly's, but it was certainly different. However, it was a hell of a lot better than the Peck house had ever been. Here, it kind of felt like a home.

"Oh decided to grace us with your presence, Goldilocks?"

Of course Frankie was the first one to tease her the moment she stepped through the door. While most of the girls were moving about the kitchen and living room, Frankie was leaning back in one of the stools by the breakfast bar.

"Well I do live here."

"Could've fooled me."

"Hey! My rent money comes in every month same as yours."

She purposefully nudged the senior on her way, causing the stool to tip dangerously, but Frankie managed to catch herself.

"You only showed up for the porridge. How'd you even know there was food here?"

"What can I say, my timing is imPeckable."

The rest of the girls jeered at the pun, but it didn't lessen Gail's smirk in the slightest.

"Have you been at Holly's this whole time?" Traci asked as she passed Juliet another plate out of the cabinet.

"It hasn't been that long."

"We've missed you, Roomie!" Chloe cheerfully sang as she bounded over.

Gail froze as Chloe's arms wrapped around her from behind. She wasn't a hugger, even if she was actually enjoying seeing all her housemates again.

"Christ, Price, my ribs don't need another beating."

"Go easy on her, Chloe, no one wants to clean up the puddle when you melt her cold, cold heart," Traci called out as she turned off the stove.

Gail finally managed to get out of Chloe's clutches. "She's not melting anything. I don't have a heart."

"Bullshit, Peck, we've all seen you with Holly," Frankie, the traitor, pointed out.

"Yeah, you have heart-eyes when she's around." Andy chimed in.

"I do not!" Gail protested.

"Uh uh Peck, remember I still have the proof."

"What proof?"

"I have photographic evidence of said heart-eyes," Frankie was already fishing her phone out of her pocket regardless of the murderous look she was receiving.

"This I gotta see."

"Me too."

Traci was the first person to lean over the counter. But the rest of the girls crowded around and passed the phone back and forth, but purposefully keeping it out Gail's reach.

"Awww."

"So cute."

"So sweet."

Gail stood from her stool, "That's it. I'm done. Food's not worth being around you shits."

"Maybe we should invite Holly over. Bet you wouldn't leave then." Juliet called out, even as Gail started to stomp away.

Frankie caught a hold of Gail before she could get to the stairs, dragging her back towards her stool.

"Ow ow ow."

Everyone in the room froze. Frankie immediately let go of her, concern and regret washing away any amusement from her features.

"Ha, sucker." She pushed Frankie who slipped over the edge of the couch, cackling at the look of shock on the senior's face.

"Cheater!"

"Whoever said cheaters never win clearly neverly cheated properly."

Juliet stepped between the two just as Frankie got up with a pillow in hand to retaliate.

"Alright, children, if you're done. Dinner is ready."

If anyone were to ever ask, Gail would tell them that she was only there for the food. But as she sat at the table, teasing and arguing with each of the women she lived with, it was definitely more than just Piri Piri chicken she ended up enjoying. She even tolerated one of Chloe's dance parties after they had cleared all the plates away.

Later that night, she joined the others as they migrated over to the guys' house. Her ribs still hurt, and her stitches itched, but Gail tucked herself into Chris' side with her feet stretched out across Chloe, and for awhile she thought about nothing other than kicking Dov's ass at Super Smash Bros. They laughed and they fought, they cursed one another out, and took turns teaming up.

And when the night ended, Gail headed back to her own bed for once. A goodnight text was fresh on her phone from Holly, but she wasn't alone as Chloe dropped onto the bed on the other side of the room.

"Sweet dreams, Roomie." Chloe cheerfully called out as she clicked the lights off.

With the sudden darkness, Gail tensed as she waited for the fear to take hold. But her breathing held steady and her heart kept its pace and her muscles were able to relax. It wasn't long before sleep came for her and her last thought of the night was that things felt almost...normal.

Going back to the Penny wasn't nearly as hard as she thought it would be. Walking through the doors of the bar, she wondered if it would be like going to a houseparty. But there weren't any flashbacks, no intrusive thoughts, and nothing startling her. It was like any other day. Way too loud, and crowded, but familiar.

"Peck, what the hell are you doing here?" Charlie's voice could be heard over all the noises the second he spotted her heading for his side of the counter.

"My job. You know, the one you pay me to do." She tied her apron around her waist and took her spot beside him.

"I told you to take time off."

"Doctor said I could come back." Technically the doctor had suggested she take another week to recover fully, but Gail couldn't afford to lose any more time or money. He also hadn't said that she couldn't go back yet, so it wasn't really a lie.

"Well I didn't."

"Good thing you're not a doctor then."

"You don't need to be here."

"Really, boss, you gonna pay my bills? No, maybe you'll plant the tree that money grows on. Nope. Didn't think so."

"I can…" Charlie started to say but Gail was quick to cut him off.

"I can earn my money." She didn't want anybody's charity.

"Fine," The bar owner rubbed a hand over his face and mumbled something under his breath. Probably something filled with expletives. "Fine. But no heavy lifting."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"And you call me if anyone gives you a problem."

"I can take care of myself."

"Trust me, it's not you I'm worried about."

Gail didn't even bother hiding the smirk on her face as he walked away. Getting back behind the bar felt good. It helped to have Charlie arguing with her. To have Traci shooting off orders and zipping around her, but always with a smile to commiserate about the stupidity of some of their customers.

What wasn't nice was the barricade her friends made at her counter not that long into her shift, probably after Traci had texted them to let them know where she was.

"Go away, losers."

"Hey, we're paying customers. We can sit wherever we want." Nick still had the habit of flashing her his most charming smile whenever he knew he was annoying her.

And it still didn't work.

"You're taking up all the space and making it hard for people who actually pay for all their food and drinks to order. Shoo."

"You love us," Chloe said. She was also smiling way too brightly for Gail's taste.

"I love money more."

"Oooooooooh, you admitted you love us."

"What? No, I didn't"

"Yeah, you totes did. You said you love money more which implies that you love us at least a little bit."

Gail glared at the entire group. "I hate all of you."

"No. Nope. Too late. No take backs now. Gail loves us."

All the whoops and cheers that followed had Charlie back out of the office, and this time her friends actually were forced to go sit somewhere else. But they pulled up tables close to the bar area.

For the rest of the night she had a front row seat to watch her friends as Sam tried to help Chris hit on girls, as they all fought over darts and pool, as they each took turns coming to the bar to regale her with stories of whoever lost as they picked up fresh drinks.

Gail really didn't want to admit it, but having them there, close by, it helped too.

As the pieces of her life fell back into place, the one thing that had never changed was her shitty sleep schedule. It was easy being a working college student to stay busy enough to not have to sleep for long, but with an injured body, it was hard to fight off sleep the way she wanted to. She knew the horrors she would face when her head hit the pillow. She didn't always remember the nightmares, and they didn't always come, but way too often for any one person's sanity would she wake up, soaked in sweat, her entire body shaking. The worst ones were the nights when she had to wipe burning hot tears from her eyes.

Most of her bruises had gone from a mottled purple to a sickly green, but it meant that they were healing. Her stitches had already been removed, leaving her with another visual reminder of the night. Whoever had stitched her had done a better job than the asshole who had fixed her face but she still hated looking in the mirror. Even her ribs didn't hurt quite as much when she woke up gasping for air, having moved faster than she should've in that blurry line between conscious and unconsciousness.

But as she laid in her own bed that night, hand pressed at her side to take away the ache and to stop the bleeding that her nightmare had been flooded with, she cursed herself for the hundredth time. She hated how weak she felt as she reached for her phone beside her.

Staring at the screen she was torn between opening her text messages and the browser for the internet. The last message in her box would be a "Sweet Dreams" message from Holly. Even though it never worked, as her dreams were anything but sweet, it always made her smile that her girlfriend would at least make the suggestion. If she opened her browser there would still be the airlines, filled with flights to places she had never been. There was a restlessness deep inside her soul that begged her body to move on. Inertia and her had never been the best of pals, and they certainly weren't now.

The slight creak of her bedroom door pulled Holly from sleep. After the minor myocardial infarction she tried to make out the petite outline without her glasses in the dark. But as the mattress beside her dipped and the warm body took its usual spot she realized who exactly was slipping into her bed in the middle of the night.

"You used your key," Holly whispered, already shifting further to her side of the bed.

"Yeah umm I hope that's okay."

She could hear the bashfulness in Gail's voice. If it was light in her room, she's sure she'd be able to see a blush adorning those pale, pale cheeks.

"It's why I gave it to you."

Gail shifted in the bed, turning onto her side and moving closer to Holly. They still weren't touching but the gap between them was almost nonexistent. "Sorry for coming over so late."

"Don't be."

"Well then sorry for waking you up."

"Don't be sorry about that either." She found Gail's hand and tangled their fingers together, bringing their joined hands up between them. She gave it a squeeze, "There is one thing that you should be sorry for, though."

"What's that?"

"You haven't given me a kiss yet."

Gail quickly remedied the situation, resting their foreheads together after the kiss ended.

"Sorry."

"S'okay."

Holly reached out, her fingers tangled into the short hair at the back of Gail's neck. She felt Gail relax under her touch. Her girlfriend really was a cat sometimes.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"Tried to. It didn't work out so good."

"Want to try to sleep here?"

Gail's hand moved to Holly's hip, her thumb pressing along the ridge just below where the shirt she had been sleeping in rode up. "Not really." Gail pressed a kiss to the tip of Holly's nose. "But you should sleep."

Holly shifted across the small distance, pressing her body along the length of Gail's. She could feel the hand on her hip give a squeeze. "Mmm not yet," She murmured before kissing Gail.

And Gail returned the kiss, pulling Holly even closer. If there was anything in this world that could make Gail stop thinking, it was sex with Holly. Hell, the woman had the ability to make Gail forget her own name, let alone the memories that haunted her. So she gave in, happily bending to Holly's will.

"How are your ribs?" Holly asked, her hands sliding the t-shirt Gail had worn into her bed up as her lips travelled over the still fading bruises. Even in the dark she knew where each one was. The catalogue of Gail's injuries etched in her mind.

"Still breathing, Doc."

Holly's hand gently ran over the scar still fresh along her side. "You sure you're up for this?"

Okay, yeah, it may have still hurt to breathe and speak and move, her ribs ached, her lungs screamed at her, but, honestly, it had nothing on the other ache she was feeling.

"Holly, I need this. I need you."

She sounded desperate. Hell, she was desperate. All she wanted was to feel something other than the fear and panic that had awoken her not even an hour before. She didn't want to feel fractured. And the only thing that could possibly make her feel whole was this, them. She wanted to feel something good. And being with Holly felt good. So good. So even though she may not have been proud of her desperation, her pride could wait until later.

"Please…"

Holly's lips met hers in the dark. ""Okay. But if I break you, you're not allowed to tell the doctor what we were doing."

"I'll tell him it was a scrapbooking accident."

"Scrapbooking?"

"Mmhmm. Scissoring gone horribly wrong."

Holly was still laughing as Gail pulled her down, lips muffling the giggles that managed to escape. There would be time to laugh later. Much later.

Gail pressed a hand against her side. She was trying to stack the clean glasses and dishes that had just been dropped off next to her, but she had moved too quickly and a sharp pain had her gasping and hunching over, her eyes squeezed tight as she waited for it to subside. She didn't bother opening them even when the chime sounded above the door.

She hoped whoever came in would head to one of the tables, but luck had never been on her side. She didn't bother turning around when the figure approached. "What can I get you?"

"Your attention would be nice."

Ice had nothing on the frost that swept down Gail's spine as she straightened up and turned to see her mother standing in the Penny. If it wasn't for bad luck, Gail was sure that she wouldn't have any luck at all.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Really? Because visiting in the hospital was just a little too guache for you. Don't worry though, I really felt comforted by the phone calls, and flowers, the stuffed bear wishing me a speedy recovery was really touching. Oh, wait, I'm sorry that must have been my other nonexistent family who did those things."

"I did want to see you sooner. Certain circumstances wouldn't allow me to," Elaine cryptic message was carefully delivered.

But Gail wanted nothing to do with her mind games. "Yeah, sure. What's the real reason you're here?"

"I've told you that I was concerned about you. I saw the report of what happened. That man could've killed you."

Gail's jaw clenched. She wanted to swallow down the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat, but she knew Elaine would notice. She was always looking for even a hint of blood in the water.

"You almost killed him."

"Well, that's what happens when you try to get the pointy end of the knife away from you."

"It was sloppy." Elaine's voice was sharp, easily cutting through the music and din of the bar. Gail had to resist the urge to flinch. "But effective. He turned over a great deal of evidence following his arrest."

"Well, anything to make the police work easier."

Gail expected a reprimand. Elaine had let too many of her comments slip by without taking the bait. Maybe it was the Body Snatchers at it again. Pod Elaine was even almost smiling. Almost.

"Your brother is receiving a commendation."

Nope. Not a pod.

"Good for him."

"You're expected to be there."

"And why would I be there?"

"You helped catch a gang member, that's worthy of recognition. You were very brave. The city values bravery."

Gail shook her head. Of course, this was about Steve and the Peck family image. It was about the photo ops and the reporters and impressing the Commissioner and the Chief. It was the same old shit, different near death experience.

"You just want to parade me around."

"It's for your brother."

For a brief moment when Elaine had first appeared Gail had wondered if Steve had spoken to her. If maybe he had been able to get through to their parents. But of course he hadn't. Either hadn't spoken or hadn't gotten through. She'd like to believe it was the latter, experience told her it was probably the former.

"You said I wasn't a Peck anymore. So, technically, I don't have a brother."

"Your father and I may have reacted a bit...rash."

"You made it clear that if I didn't give up Holly I had to give up everything else. You made sure of it. I don't owe you anything anymore. And you have nothing left to hold over me. Maybe it's better this way."

"Now, Abigail, be reasonable."

"It's Gail. Just Gail. And I think I've been more than reasonable seeing as how you're still in here, but I have nothing to offer you other than what's on the menu."

"So that's how you want to do this?"

"That's how you wanted to do this." No forgiveness. No forgetting. It was what happened when you're raised as a Peck. "You've made your choices and so have I."

Gail had to resist the urge to fidget as her (former) mother stared at her without speaking. She had been on the receiving end of this scrutiny her entire life and it never failed to make her want to squirm. Arms crossed in front of her chest, she could still feel the way her fingers wanted to twitch, a sudden desire to crack her knuckles or tap her foot overtaking her. Anything would be better than standing stockstill in the middle of her workplace being forced into an unwanted staring contest. But she couldn't break first.

There was a change in her mother's eyes. Gail would swear it, but whatever it was was gone in a flash as the Superintendent cleared her throat and somehow managed to stand even taller despite her already ramrod posture.

"Very well."

Gail didn't move a muscle until the door swung shut in the wake of stiletto heels and cold fury. Collapsing against the counter, she pressed a shaking hand against her side. If she ever met Lady Luck, she'd fucking dropkick her.

Her arms were shaking, barely able to hold the pose any longer, her breathing heavy, the dull ache in her side had given way to an actively burning pain. Holly had needed to study, but Gail was restless. She thought yoga would be enough to calm her so she could settle down and not be a distraction, but she couldn't focus. She couldn't keep her mind off of the Superintendent.

"Gail."

There had been a look in her mother's eye. A steely determination before she left that told Gail that she wasn't done with her. Not yet.

"Baby, you've been at it for over three hours."

Gail let her body collapse to the floor. Corpse pose. She breathed in slowly, letting the air fill her lungs, holding till the burn became too much before releasing it, trying to let her energy out, but it was still there, thrumming through her veins. She kept her eyes closed. Avoidance at its finest.

"Sorry, I wasn't trying to distract you." She wanted to lay there longer but the buzzing in her body had her up and reaching for her stuff. "Maybe I should just go."

"Hey, no, please don't go." Holly caught a hold of her arm just as she reached the door.

Gail kept one hand on the knob, but let herself be stopped. She still wouldn't look at Holly, focusing instead on the painted wood in front of her. There was a chip in the paint near the edging, a spot that had probably been there long before Holly had moved in.

Holly smoothed her other hand along Gail's back, her chin dropping to Gail's shoulder. "What's going on in that head of yours?" She asked quietly.

Gail sighed and finally let go, her weight relaxing back into Holly as her girlfriend wrapped her arms around her. "Nothing good."

"Is it the nightmares?"

"Only the ones that come to life." Gail sighed. There was no use hiding what had happened. This was Holly and they told each other things. "Elaine visited me at the Penny."

"What the…" Holly startled, jostling Gail and forcing her to turn around, "what?"

"Yep."

"When?"

"In the middle of my shift."

"What did she want?"

"Steve's receiving a commendation. She wants me to go to the ceremony."

"Really? That's why she came to see you. Not to see how you were doing. Not to check on her only daughter." Anger hadn't crept into Holly's voice, it was pure hostile incredulity in vocal form.

"That's what I said. She tried to say that her and Bill had acted…'rash'...but before she left she told me the real reason was Steve."

"What'd you say?"

"Told her to shove the invitation."

"You didn't."

"I wish I had." The small smile Holly gave her told her that she understood the sentiment. "I told her that I wasn't going and she couldn't force me. That we had both made our choices and to just let it go."

"Is that what you want?"

"I don't know. Hey, at least now I don't have to worry about monthly dinners and parties."

She didn't mention the look in Elaine's eyes or the uneasy feeling in the pit in her stomach at the sight of it. The one that she could feel even just thinking about it. She had worried Holly enough already, it was to the point that even a lifetime wouldn't be long enough to recuperate.

"Yeah, but honey, they're your family. This could be them reaching out. In their own Peckish way."

Gail wished she could believe that. She would give anything to believe that. But the wall she had built around her heart wouldn't let her. The wall they had forced her to build wouldn't let her.

"This is them playing their games. I'm not some Barbie doll that they can pull out and pass around whenever they want to show off."

"I'm not saying that you are. But I know that what happened at the dinner has been taking its toll on you. It's okay to be mad at them and still want them in your life."

"Well is it okay to not want them in my life?"

"Yeah," Holly's hand brushed through Gail's hair, causing her shoulders to relax slightly. "That's okay too." Holly leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Gail's lips. "They're the ones who are missing out. You're awesome."

"I'm glad you think so."

Holly shook her head. "I know so." She kissed Gail again. "You know, if you were working out for stress relief I could've helped."

Holly wiggled her eyebrows causing Gail to laugh.

"You said you needed to study."

"I think that's why study breaks exist."

"You think, huh?"

"Pretty sure. But maybe we should test out my theory."

"A break implies that you're going to go back to studying when we're done."

Holly shrugged at the challenge, "They say exercise helps improve memory and cognitive skills."

Gail smirked, "You don't say." She started to steer Holly back towards her bed.

"I do."

"Hmmm so you just want to use me to boost your GPA?"

"Oh, there's no just about it. There are many things I would like to use you for. That's just one of them."

Just as they reached Holly's bed, the med student was quick to turn the tables, flipping their positions and sending Gail onto her back on the mattress. It was Holly's turn to smirk, but Gail was already pulling her down towards her.

"Well then I guess I'm all yours."

Frankie appeared with coffee. It wasn't that she didn't want the coffee. She actually desperately needed the coffee, but Holly knew her friend, and Frankie didn't just sit on benches outside of her class with coffee after a long day for no good reason.

"What'd you do?"

"I can't just bring you a coffee?"

"No."

"I'm hurt, Holls. Mortally wounded. Most people say thank you. Where did we go so wrong?"

"I'd say it was probably Spring semester freshman year when we both let Steve Peck try to set us up." Holly reached over and took her cup from her deeply offended friend. "Thank you for the coffee, but really, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I'd call it a privilege but I'll settle for pleasure." Frankie smirked at the way Holly rolled her eyes. She took a sip of her drink and nodded to the cup in Holly's hand. "It really is just coffee. And I may have wanted to see how you're doing."

"I'm holding up okay. Things have been…"

"A shitshow."

"Hectic. But I'm staying afloat."

Frankie nodded, she took another sip before asking, "And how's your girl doing?"

"You live with her. You see her probably as much as I do," Holly deflected.

She had gotten much better at it, really. Maybe it was all the time she spent with Frankie and Gail and Lisa. But she didn't know how to tell her friend that more often than not she felt Gail wake beside her with nightmares, that there were times when her girlfriend kissed her with a desperation that reminded her of the early days of their relationship when they were still torn between friendship and more. It had always been more for Holly, but when Gail kissed her like that, when she tasted the sadness and the fear on her lips, she used to wonder if she was just a pitstop on Gail's path to self-destruction and her own.

They talked more now. But there were still things that Gail buried, and times when Gail would rather do anything other than talk. And there were still times when Holly wasn't sure if she should push or just pull Gail to her and let her feel whatever it was that she wanted to feel. She wanted to help and sometimes the only way she knew how was to just let Gail be.

"Yeah, but she doesn't exactly talk to me about the gross shit like feelings and what not."

"You're not exactly known for caring about people's feelings. Are you the one whose concerned or is this Chloe worrying about her roommate?"

"Chloe worrying about her roommate involves hugs, hovering, and baked goods. She's probably knee-deep in the brownie batter as we speak."

"I should spend more time at your house."

"You could. But I'm guessing you gave Gail that key you mentioned the other day considering how little time she actually spends in her own bed." Holly taking a sip of her drink did absolutely nothing to cover up her blush. Frankie loved being right. But the point of the conversation wasn't to gloat, even if it was an added bonus. "Yep, knew it!"

Holly pointedly ignored the triumphant smile and the nudges she received for ignoring it. She had no desire to give Frankie any added validation.

"You know, even when she's home, she doesn't sleep much," Frankie said.

Frankie had been keeping a close eye on her younger housemate. So she saw the way her body dragged and how even with her carefully applied makeup there were still shadows under her eyes. She noticed all the times Gail didn't want to eat even when Chloe passed her a plate and the way she would rest her head on just about any surface as long as it meant not having to hold herself up. The poor girl looked exhausted and even though she was present and with them most of the time she still wasn't talking much beyond the usual barbs.

"Been spending a lot of time in bed with my girlfriend, Frankie?"

"Hey I can't help the fact that Goldilocks is a bedhopper."

"I'd be concerned but I already know that mine is just right."

"Yeah, yeah, you and Gail are perfect blah blah bleck." Frankie mimed gagging.

"If you're so concerned about Gail's sleeping habits why aren't you bringing her coffee?"

"I already told you. Gail isn't going to talk to me about her feelings. But I know that she was still dealing with the other stuff that had happened and then to have something like this happen again, it's gotta be taking a toll on her."

Holly didn't say anything, but Frankie bumped their shoulders together. "And I know you. This has to be taking a toll on you too."

"I'm fine."

"Holl."

"Don't Frankie," Holly begged. "Please don't push this. Not right now. I just want to enjoy my coffee and my friend's visit."

"Okay. I won't. Not now. But I got your back Holls."

Holly nodded. They sat side by side drinking their coffees watching the other students wander about the campus. She didn't say a word, but after a little while Holly leaned a little into Frankie, and Frankie shifted, accepting her weight without a word.

"Roomie!"

Gail tried to creep by the kitchen. She had hoped to make it to her room for a nap before work. A nap that she had no chance of achieving now that she had been spotted.

"What do you want, Princess?" Gail sighed.

Chloe stood in the kitchen, wide grin splitting across her face. "I just wanted to see how you're doing?"

"Why?"

"Because I care about you."

"Why would you do something stupid like that?"

"It's not stupid to care about your friends."

Gail stared down the bright redhead with as much seriousness as she could muster. "We're not friends."

Chloe's smile never faltered. "Yes we are."

"No, we're not."

"That's a shame," Chloe lamented. She headed towards the oven. "Because I totally made this awesome brownie/chocolate chip cookie cake thing," She explained, pulling a pan out. With zero shame she wafted the smell of fresh baked goods in Gail's direction. "But it's for friends only. And since we're not friends."

Gail's watering mouth betrayed her the instant food was put on the line. "I'm willing to allow this friendship on a trial basis only."

With her victory sealed, Chloe dished out some of newest creation and deposited it on the breakfast bar. She knew her roommate would stay still for at least two helpings.

Gail eyed Chloe warily before grabbing a stool. She could tell that something was up, but whatever Chloe had made smelled way too good to pass up. And it was good as she started to shovel down forkful after forkful.

"So how's everything going?"

"Is this going to be girl talk? You know I don't do girl talk," Gail complained between bites.

"Oh, so if I mention Holly, you aren't going to enjoy talking about her."

Gail's eyes narrowed, "You're cheating."

"Whoever said cheaters never win…"

"Think of your own lines and stop stealing mine."

"I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine."

"So everything is calm, copacetic?"

"It's fine."

"And everything with Holly is…"

Gail smiled down at her plate. She couldn't help it. Just thinking about Holly was enough to make her smile. She was the one thing that was calm and copacetic in her life.

"Good," Gail admitted. "Everything with Holly is good."

Chloe playfully nudged her. "See was that so hard?"

"Yes." Gail pushed her empty plate away and stood up. "Now the food is gone and your time is up. I'm going to take a nap. If you wake me up this house had better be on fire or you better be a really fast runner."

"Beep beep." Chloe did her best roadrunner impression as she saluted the already retreating blonde.

When Gail was out of sight, Chloe sighed and said to herself, "Well that went well."

"Hey."

Gail looked up from what she was doing, surprised at the familiar voice. She smiled despite her confusion at the unexpected sight of her girlfriend.

"Hey."

She topped off the glasses and set them aside so that she could lean over the counter for a quick kiss.

"Gaaaaay," Frankie sang out as she snagged the two drinks Gail had just finished pouring.

"Like you're one to talk." Holly shot back as she settled down on one of the stools.

Frankie flipped her off on her way across the room dropping into her seat beside Chloe, she handed the redhead one of the drinks.

Holly shook her head at her friend before turning her attention back to Gail, but she had gone to serve another customer. So she sat at the counter drumming her fingers along the wood while she enjoyed the view.

"What are you doing here?" Gail asked on her way back, "I thought you were going to the lab."

"I did but Dr. Harrison sent me home. Said they didn't have much for me to do."

"That's weird." Gail's hands were moving on autopilot as she got Traci's next order ready while she talked. "I thought they loved having you around to do the shit work."

"They call it scut work. And that's not all I do there."

"You asked for some didn't you?"

Holly's hand automatically went to her glasses, adjusting them as she offered up a sheepish smile. "Maybe. But they said they really didn't have any."

Gail sent the tray off with Traci, the waitress offering Holly a quick hug hello on her way. As she walked away, Gail wiped her hands on the towel beside her. "How is that possible?"

"Are you really complaining that I'm here instead of the lab?"

"Of course not." It was just weird. Holly had never been sent home during a shift before. In fact, Gail usually got a apology text for Holly staying late. But Holly seemed unconcerned so Gail tried to brush it aside. "So why aren't you studying?"

"Because I already factored the time at the lab into my study plans, so technically I have free time. And really who else would I want to spend that time with?" Guilt-free time with Gail. Yeah, there was no way Holly could pass that up.

"Don't let Frankie hear you say that." Gail teased.

"She's busy." Holly didn't need to turn and look to know that her friend was probably making out with Chloe somewhere in the bar. Leaning onto the counter, and a smile tugging at her lips, Holly asked "So what does a girl have to do to get a drink around here?"

Gail smiled and made her girlfriend one of her famous margaritas. She stole another quick kiss as she handed over the drink and went back to serving other customers.

While Gail worked, Holly stayed at the counter. She was joined by Gail's friends every so often, and even Frankie had detached herself from Chloe long enough to invite her to join them. Each time she nicely turned down the offer, prefering to hang around the bar and Gail. It made Gail smile to herself each and every time Holly chose her. Even if she was forced to spend more time away from Holly than near her, she still liked being picked.

"You're distracting."

"No, I'm Holly."

"Cute."

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Gail's eyes narrowed, "I'm not cute."

But Holly smirked around the straw of her drink. She was already on her second-no wait-third margarita. "You are super cute."

"No I'm not."

"Well I think you are. And sexy. And hot. But mostly cute."

"I'm going to ignore that last one and accept the first two descriptions."

"You can't just pick and choose how I view you."

"La la la selective hearing la la la."

"I'm dating a five-year-old."

"Nah, I gotta be at least 12-and-a-half." Gail pointedly glanced at the low cut of Holly's shirt and back up. "I like your boobs way too much."

"You know, Freud would say…"

"If you want a chance to see my boobs tonight you won't lecture me about Freud."

Holly's mouth closed immediately. She took a sip of her drink and smiled in a way that had Gail wishing she could've just stopped the ramble that was about to happen the way she preferred. But sadly she was working and her friends were already giving her enough shit about being "cute" anytime they caught sight of any PDA.

"You can go tell Chloe about Freud. I'm sure Frankie would appreciate that."

Holly rolled her eyes, "Yeah I'm sure."

"Come on it's gotta be hella boring just sitting here."

"You don't want me here?" There was a trace of hurt in Holly's voice.

Gail reached over, her hand covering Holly's that was now toying with the glass in front of her. "Of course, I want you here. But I'd also really like to see Dov cry and he has his trivia cards out."

Holly's bright smile instantly returned, "Your wish is my command."

Gail watched her girlfriend saunter off to where the rest of the hooligans were seated. Maybe Holly getting sent home wasn't such a bad thing.

One of the perks to getting attacked at work, meant that the boss ignored her friends staying past all the customers leaving. Gail finished before Traci with their closing tasks and dropped into Holly's lap.

Gail knew that Holly was surprised but it didn't stop her girlfriend from wrapping her arms around her.

"Hey," Gail said softly. She was half turned so that she could see Holly.

"Hi." Holly breathed out. One of her hands was resting on Gail's thigh, the other was already sliding up and under Gail's shirt. Cold fingers leaving goosebumps against warm skin.

"Hey," Gail repeated, eyes now locked on Holly's lips.

"We weren't done," Dov whined, interrupting the two girls who only had eyes for each other.

"Dude, they had like seven more hi's to get through," Frankie pointed out.

Chloe elbowed her in the side, "Shush you, they're being cute." Frankie scowled and rubbed at her side until Chloe leaned over to give her a brief kiss.

"I'm not cute," Gail immediately protested.

"You're very cute," Holly said low enough for only Gail to hear.

With Holly's lips tickling her ear, and her hand tickling her side, Gail was beyond tempted to turn around and kiss her, but they had an audience.

"Still weren't done unless Holly wants to forfeit," Dov sounded way too hopeful at the prospect.

"Who's winning?" Gail asked as she took a sip of Holly's water.

"Holly," The group said in unison.

"That's my girl."

Holly blushed and hid her face against Gail's back.

"Can you finish kicking his ass so we can go home and I can give you your victory prize."

Holly straightened up, suddenly serious. "Next question."

"Kopi luwak is a very expensive type of?"

"Coffee," Frankie shouted.

"Of course you know that," Holly teased.

"You're not even playing," Dov pointed out.

Frankie shrugged, "Yeah but I knew that one." She may not have gotten the point but it did earn her another kiss from Chloe.

Chris read out the next question, "A teetotaler is a person who never drinks what?"

"Alcohol," Holly responded faster than Dov.

"Hey guys, this has to be the last question. It was last call an hour ago," Traci told the group as she gathered the remainder of their glasses.

"You all done, babe?" Jerry called across the room as he finished setting the chairs upside down on the tables for his girlfriend.

"Almost. And Charlie said we better be gone by the time he comes out here to lock up," Traci warned as she carried the pile to the kitchen. All she had left to do was cash out her tips but that would involve going to Charlie and that meant heading home for everyone else.

"Alright this one is for all the marbles," Chris dramatically declared. "What is a group of owls called?"

Holly had the answer out before Dov could even open his mouth, "Parliament."

"Holly wins by a landslide!"

"She's obviously cheating."

Sue was the one who landed the slap to the back of Dov's head while everyone else tossed napkins at him. "Sorry he's a sore loser," She apologized for her scowling boyfriend.

"What's wrong, Dovey, got something in your eye?"

Holly pinched her side. "Hey, don't be a sore winner."

Gail pouted but it only made Holly laugh.

"Alright, everyone out." Traci shouted as she emerged from the boss' office.

The large group left the bar as Charlie locked the door behind them. It wasn't a long walk back to the houses but it was filled with loud voices and drunken arguments. By the time they were tucked away in Gail's room, she had a deep appreciation for the quiet.

As Holly went straight to Gail's bed, Gail made sure the door was locked before she followed her.

"Hey," Gail said as she came to stand between Holly's legs. Her hands moved up from Holly's shoulders, getting lost in the dark waves of Holly's hair.

"Hi," Holly breathed out.

"Dov looked pretty teary-eyed."

Holly's hands were on Gail's waist, they pulled her a little closer. "Mmhmm. So what's my prize?"

Gail leaned down and gave her a kiss. "This isn't enough of a prize?"

Holly's eyes remained closed. "More than," her voice was barely above a whisper.

Laying in bed with only a couple of short hours before the sun would be awake too, Gail wished that she could sleep. It should have been easy. She had Holly tucked close into her side and she wanted to sleep. To just close her eyes and let her body relax. But she couldn't. She couldn't be strong when she was sleeping. She couldn't be okay if she was sleeping. She knew that the dreams, the memories, were waiting for. Lurking just behind the curtains of nightfall. So she resigned herself to another sleepless night.

But without Holly to entertain her, boredom had already set in. It had Gail reaching for her phone, careful to make sure the light on her background was set to the lowest setting to not wake Holly. She tried playing a few games but none of them could hold her attention for long.

She hit the compass icon and the page she never closed popped up. There was a plane leaving for Bangladesh in three hours. One to Tokyo at 7am. She could be in Sydney in just over 24 hours. Would that be far enough away?

"Whacha doin?" Holly sleeping murmured.

Gail startled, her hand immediately slapping her phone face down onto the bed. "Just looking at junk on my phone."

Holly pressed a kiss to her shoulder, "Can't sleep?"

Gail relaxed a little. She tossed the phone back onto her dresser and shifted so that she could face Holly. "Nope."

Holly pulled Gail into her side. "Mmm. Did you try?"

"Of course."

"You're a bad liar, Danger."

"I'm not lying."

"Do you want to sleep?"

"I wouldn't be opposed to the idea."

Holly's hand came up to toy with Gail's hair. It had it's intended effect as Gail rested her head onto Holly's chest, her ear pressed just above her heart.

"Close your eyes."

Gail couldn't keep them open if she tried but that didn't stop her from mouthing off, "Are you going to be the one to tell me a story this time? What's it going to be about? The digestive system?"

"I was thinking homeostasis."

"Sounds gay."

"You think everything sounds gay."

"Everything is gay. Just ask Anderson." Holly made a noise of agreement and it was enough to satisfy her. "Alright, nerd away."

"Homeostasis is how the body stabilizes its internal environment. The body has a natural resistance to change. It really doesn't like it. So homeostasis is how we maintain life. In chemistry and biology it's the maintenance of equilibrium, or balance. But in the body, it's how we maintain our core body temperature and how we balance our fluids. To regulate fluids the body needs to balance different ions including sodium, potassium, and calcium. Sodium is the…."

Gail would have to wait to find out what sodium was or did. With Holly's fingers scratching softly through her hair and her words soothing her brain Gail had no problem slipping off to sleep. It may not have been a traditional bedtime story. There were no princesses or castles, no dragons, or knights to the rescue. But then again, Gail had never been the fairytale type.

A/N: So when I started this story it was supposed to be like 10 maybe 20 chapters max (about 5k words each), just a college story with elements of the show tied in and a slightly dark undercurrent. It has obviously taken on a life of its own. But from the beginning there were certain things that I knew would happen. Gail being attacked for a second time was one of them (though relating it to Steve's case was based on a review I received). She was always going to have a chance to fight back. This isn't true in real life. It's not always possible and not always safe to do so. But the beautiful thing about fics is that I could give Gail the chance to and come out the other side relatively safe. To any of my readers who have been in a situation even remotely similar to what I've written about, please know that no matter what happened you are still brave and you are still my heroes just as much as Gail is.