To anyone still reading this story, I'm sorry for the long wait. I promised I hadn't given up on it. I just haven't had time to write and a horrible case of writer's block. I hope it's worth the wait.

"You know, I didn't invite you over for this."

Gail barked out a laugh. She turned her attention from the ceiling above them to look at her girlfriend's flushed profile. They were both lying in the med student's bed, sweaty sheets now tangled around their limbs. But they weren't touching. It turned out that they both needed a little space after sex.

"Are you complaining?"

"No," Holly emphatically shook her head causing Gail to laugh harder. Smiling, Holly turned to look at Gail. "I'm glad you came."

"Last time I checked, so did you."

Holly groaned, "You're incorrigible."

But Gail simply shrugged, arms crossing above her head as she looked back at the ceiling, "You love it."

"Maybe."

Gail's jaw dropped and she sat up, not caring as the sheet pooled at her waist, just so she could properly glare at Holly. "Maybe! Just maybe?"

Holly bit at her lip, trying hard to stifle the laugh that wanted to escape. Gail looked way too adorable with her messy hair, and flushed cheeks, and that scowl. It was why Holly couldn't resist fanning the flames a little.

"You heard me," Holly knew her challenge worked as the look in Gail's eyes changed.

Crossing her arms, Gail glared, "I don't know maybe I need to withhold sex if that's how it's gonna be."

It was Holly's turn for her eyes to narrow. "You wouldn't."

"You don't think so?"

Holly smirked, "I don't think you could hold out."

"Excuse you, Nerd, I'm a master of self-restraint."

"Is that so? Because I'm pretty sure I invited you over to study, and you walked through my door and took off your shirt."

"It's not my fault it rained and my shirt was wet. You're the one who couldn't keep her hands to herself."

"That wasn't the only thing that was wet," Holly huffed. "And I'm only human".

Gail bit her lip to hide her smile, "And you say I'm incorrigible?"

"And insane."

"That too! Really, the audacity around here."

"Sorry."

"No, you're not."

"Not really, no."

Gail let out the loudest sigh she could as she collapsed back to the mattress, "Why do I talk to you?"

"Because you like my boobs."

"That's…" Gail paused, she gave Holly's chest a long look, "Not entirely inaccurate."

Now it was Holly's turn to be appalled, "But it's kind of inaccurate?"

"Well...I mean...yeah…"

Holly arched an eyebrow at her girlfriend, and Gail chose her next words carefully.

"I like your ass too."

Holly chuckled, "My other top quality. And here I thought it was my wonderful sense of humor."

"Now you're pushing it." Gail poked at Holly's side.

Holly was quick as she pinned Gail down to the bed. The sheets had fallen off of her in her effort to lock Gail's wrists above her head.

"Not yet, but I could be," Holly emphasized her point by pressing her hips down.

When Gail opened her mouth to argue Holly cut her off with a kiss. She was distracted and frustrated struggling against Holly's hold.

Holly pulled back slightly, her lips brushing along Gail's jaw, "By the way...I think you're about to forget all about self-restraint."

"How do you figure?"

"Because" Holly gave her another long kiss before climbing off the bed entirely. "I'm about to go take a shower. And I know how stubborn you are-"

"Is it insult-Gail-night?" Gail pouted.

"As I was saying," Holly hovered over her. "I know how stubborn you are but I also know that you would never make me shower alone if I didn't want to." She leaned in closer and dropped her voice.

"And I..." Holly kissed her.

"Don't" Kiss..

"Want…" Kiss.

"To." She punctuated the final word with an even longer kiss before pulling away and heading towards the door.

"Fine." Gail grumbled even as she followed Holly out of the room, "But I'm not doing this for you."

"No?"

"No. I'm doing it for the planet. Earth should really thank me for the sacrifice."

There was definitely more water wasted that way. Shower sex was never as good of an idea as it seemed. But it was fun trying. At least until the downstairs neighbors started banging on the door because the water had leaked into their ceiling.

Whoops.

Gail couldn't sleep. It wasn't the nightmares, or the constant nagging thoughts of self-doubt, or even the usual pressures she put on herself. She just...couldn't. And it wouldn't have been a problem if she was in her own bed, where she could just wander around the house until she got tired or go next door to hang out with whoever was awake that night or even scroll mindlessly through the internet until she got tired. Nope, she was in Holly's bed, next to a peacefully slumbering brunette and the last thing she wanted to do was wake her with her fidgeting or the light on her phone.

So she had two options: she could try to slip out of Holly's bed without waking her, something she hadn't done in...months, now that she thought about it, or she could continue lying in Holly's bed staring at the ceiling and painfully enduring the slow demise of the night. An optimist might look at it as the arrival of morning, but Gail had never been an optimist a day in her life and wasn't about to start now. It was stupid thoughts like these that were keeping her company along with Holly's steady breathing.

She closed her eyes and tried to sync her breathing with her girlfriend. Simple enough. Breathe in...wait...breath out. In….out...in….out.

It wasn't working. The restlessness was back. That feeling that she needed to move or scream or do just about anything but lie there in the dark. It was the kind of feeling that made a person skip through their entire music library because not a single song felt right. The kind of feeling that made a person hop in a car and just start driving with no destination in mind. The kind of feeling that had Gail buying a ticket to a whole new country. Well at least the Gail from a year ago would've.

As gently as she could she moved to the edge of the bed. Socked feet hit Holly's floor and she let out a small sigh as her weight shifted the floor. She glanced around the dark and tried to figure out where they had thrown her clothes.

"Leaving after sex." Gail's heart nearly lept out of her chest at the sound of Holly's voice. "If I didn't know any better I'd think you were just using me for my body."

Gail didn't turn around, her head dropping to her chest. She really was a horrible girlfriend. "I'm sorry."

Soft fingers brushed against her arm and Gail had to resist the urge to pull away.

"Hey, no, I'm sorry. I was just kidding. It was a bad joke. If you need to go you can. But you know you don't have to."

"I'll just keep waking you up."

"And I'll get to keep seeing your face when you do."

"That was cheesy."

"Last time I checked you liked cheese. Aren't you the same woman who tried to gain 800 pounds in Italy."

"It's not my fault the food is so good there."

"Yeah, well, maybe I'll have to go one day and find out for myself."

"You should probably take a tour guide with you if you do."

"Volunteering?"

"God, no, I don't volunteer. I fully expect to get paid for my services."

"Mmhmm and what payment methods are acceptable?"

"I accept cash, checks, all major credit cards."

"How about I just show you my boobs and we call it even?"

"Can I get a peek and think about it?" Gail tugged at the cover, but Holly caught her hand and laced their fingers together.

"We should at least try sleeping."

Gail didn't say anything, just stared up at the black ceiling. She felt a soft touch against her cheek and then Holly was turning her to look at her again.

"What can I do?"

Gail pulled Holly's hand away and pressed a kiss to her palm. "You're already doing it."

"Knock Knock"

Holly glanced up from the test tubes in her hands. She was surprised by the officer in front of her.

"Steve?"

"Did you forget what an old friend looks like?"

"What? No! Hi. What brings you to the lab? Are you working on a case?"

Holly hadn't seen him in a few weeks. Like his sister, he seemed to be healing from his time undercover. She wasn't sure if it was the lighting or the uniform but the college boy she had known looked older, much older than the couple of years since graduation.

"Sort of. I mean I volunteered to bring this down here," He handed her an evidence bag and Holly immediately became distracted by the bloody watch that was located inside.

Steve though didn't leave, instead he shifted his weight from foot to foot, "but ummm I was actually looking for you."

Holly shifted her glasses, "What's going on?"

"How's Gail? How's she doing?"

"You two haven't talked?"

Steve shook his head, "She won't return any of my texts or calls. I was half tempted to send a squad over to her place but didn't think she'd like that."

"She's…." Holly wasn't sure how to describe it. Gail was there and she was trying but there was a weight on her. Holly saw it every time Gail let her guard down. She knew the sleepless nights were taking a toll on her body and the nightmares were taking a toll on her mind. But Gail still didn't want to talk about things. There were times though. Moments when Gail would look at Holly and smile and it actually stole her breath away. Not just Gail's beauty but to see her look happy even for a moment. Holly was determined to have more moments of that.

But this was Gail's brother and she seemed to be avoiding talking to him. She didn't want to betray Gail but she also thought that Gail needed more support, especially from her family. At least what seemed to be left of it.

"She's surviving. She's been through a lot, Steve."

"I know. And I know she must feel alone after everything our parents put her through. But she still has me. Can you let her know that?"

"I think you need to tell her that yourself."

"I'll keep trying but I've never seen her listen to anyone the way she listens to you."

Holly wasn't sure that was true or that if she tried that Gail would be receptive. But maybe she needed it too. "I'll let her know."

Steve nodded, seemingly satisfied, he started towards the door.

"Steve, wait." Holly nervously shifted her glasses again, she wasn't sure she should open the can of worms she was about to open. But she cared about Gail. More than cared. So she needed to at least try to help. "Have you spoken to your parents?"

"I tried but they keep shutting down the conversation. I'll keep trying that too."

"Do you really think they're serious about cutting Gail off, not even paying for her schooling just because she's dating me?"

"I think...hell, I don't know Holls. I didn't think they were homophobic. I mean I feel like they're punishing her for not following the plan. I'd like to think my parents aren't the kind of people who would kick her out for being gay. But I've never seen them like this before either."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Just be there for Gail as much as she'll let you." He gave her arm a supportive squeeze and checked his phone.

"I have to go but let Gail know that I want to talk when she's ready and I'm here if either of you need anything. And really Holly, just being there is more than Nick or any of the guys she's ever been with have done for her."

"Be safe."

"Always."

He was only a few steps away when the gingered man turned back, "Oh, and you might want to hide Gail's passport."

Before Holly could ask what he meant by that Steve was out the door and down the hall, already talking on his phone.

She couldn't breathe. Her ribs felt like they were splintering under the weight on top of her. The burning sensation along her side had given way to a warmth and stickiness that was made worse as the pressure drove her further into the ground. The knife, now bloodied, was dangerously close to her. She tried to push out, to lock her arms, but he was strong and now he was pressing his body down towards her. She just didn't want it angled towards her and then it slipped. She felt the resistance as the blade slid into his stomach and then a new warmth was spreading over her hands until he slid to the side off of her. She lifted her hands up and could see the dark red now coating them.

The nightmares had changed. It wasn't really a surprise. She had new horrors to replay over and over again in her head now. She didn't always remember them but she knew what it was like to wake up not long after falling asleep with sweat soaking her shirt and her heart pounding in her chest. Sometimes there were tears in her eyes after the particularly bad ones.

It was worse when she remembered them. She knew that for the rest of the night, she would have images of the knife and the blood to greet her every time she closed her eyes. She looked around her empty room. She had slept with the light on, which had helped when she woke up to remind her of where she was. But without Chloe in it, the emptiness bothered her more than the dark.

She tried to focus on something else. She remembered the day she landed in Europe. That was the last time she really felt alive. It was when she was an entire ocean away from Toronto. There were no expectations, no parents, no superstar brother, no disappointing "friends", no apologetic "boyfriend". No one knew her name or where she was from. She wasn't a Peck. She wasn't Police Royalty.

She was nobody.

Gail liked being a nobody. She had loved the anonymity. The lack of structure. Every day was different and when she got bored or overwhelmed she just left. Moved to a new city, sometimes a new country. Found a new job. Made some temporary acquaintances and then on to the next town, the next job, the next experience. But the most important thing was that she didn't feel trapped.

The restlessness inside of her was growing. Laying in her room staring at the ceiling that taunted her almost nightly and it felt like the walls were closing in. She needed air. She needed to breathe.

Grabbing whatever hoodie was lying nearby Gail heading out to her porch. She didn't know where to go. She just knew that she couldn't stay still for a minute longer. She could go to Holly's. Her girlfriend would welcome her with open arms and a soft bed, like she had for most of the year. But going to Holly's would just remind Gail that she was too broken for someone as good as Holly.

"Hey."

Gail nearly jumped out of her skin. She looked about but didn't see anyone before hearing a noise above her.

"Fucking Hell, Diaz." He was laying on top of his roof. "What are you doing up there? You're not going to jump are you?"

"No. I just came up here to think."

"And you can't do that on the ground?"

"Can you?" Chris took her silence as agreement. "You're welcome to join me."

Gail didn't answer right away. It was the middle of the night. She had come out to breathe, feeling trapped in her room. She wasn't planning on socializing. But Chris was looking down at her with that stupid smile on his face, so she took a breath and let it out before she headed into the guys' house.

After helping make sure Gail was safely settled on the roof beside him, Chris laid back, arms folded under his head.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking at the stars. They can be hard to see in the city. Not like Timmons."

Gail laid back too. Gail could remember being up at the Peck cottage. She would spend hours staring up at the stars with Steve. It was more than just learning how to use them to "guide her" as Peck bootcamp usually dictated. No, Gail would get swallowed up in the enormity of it all. Of the freedom of looking up into an endless array of twinkling lights. It felt like she was standing on the edge of the world and if she just leaned forward she could fall right into the abyss. For a while they just sat in silence staring up at the stars.

"Gail."

"Hmm."

"It's going to be okay."

Gail didn't turn to look at him though she could feel Chris' eyes on her. She kept her face neutral and just focused on the stars. Even as their edges blurred.

But Chris kept talking. "It's going to be okay. That's what people keep telling me. I know that they're just trying to make me feel better, but it works." He took a breath. "So, Gail, it's going to be okay."

"That's all I want." She truly wanted things to just be okay. "No one at the hospital. Everyone just goes to class, and plays video games, and gets drunk at the Penny. I mean, that's life as it was. Life as it should be. Oh my God, we had it really easy."

"I don't know. This year has been pretty rough. Heck, these last few weeks have been."

She knew Chris was worried about her. The same way she worried about him. She didn't know why Chris was easy to talk to. But when he wasn't on drugs, he was one of the few people who actually meant the things he said. Maybe that's why the words started coming out.

"Honestly, sometimes it feels like all of this happened to somebody else. I mean, I...sometimes I don't really feel anything but I know I can get mean. I've messed things up these past few months. It all seems very...stupid right now."

"I don't know but maybe it's part of the point. Part of the plan."

"Thank you, Confucius."

"I'm just saying, when it's dark enough you can see the stars."

Gail looked back up. They seemed infinite.

It had been almost a week since Steve had visited her in the lab and Holly still hadn't known how to bring it up to Gail. Her girlfriend had seemed stressed enough with trying to catch up on the work she missed being in the hospital and the natural rush that came at the end of the semester. Finals were quickly approaching.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

Gail didn't look up from the book she was reading, she barely missed a beat from the Italian muttering she had been doing under her breath. Holly glanced over, Dante's Inferno. Of course.

"Brat."

"You like it." This time Gail did glance up and smirked at her.

She did. In fact, she loved it. She loved the goofy side of her girlfriend who made corny jokes and said them so seriously. But as good as it felt to just joke and banter, Holly couldn't let this go. She had to start this conversation whether she wanted to ruin the night or not.

"Have you talked to your parents or to Steve?"

She watched the easy smile slip away at the mention of the Pecks. She could see the muscles in Gail's neck and back tighten. It seemed like her entire body went stiff. Holly hated that she was the one to cause this reaction. To be the one who sent Gail into defensive mode. But she had been agonizing about this for days. Steve seemed sincere in wanting to talk to Gail

"Why would I? There's nothing to talk about. They made that pretty clear when they didn't even show up to the hospital after…."

Holly knew what Gail wasn't saying. After...the attack outside of the bar. It was the second time Gail had ended up at the hospital and even though this time it had been related to Steve, the lack of her parents being there, was a very clear message. A message that they didn't even care if she lived or died. It cemented exactly how much she meant to them. At least that's what it seemed Gail believed.

"Babe, I know that they've hurt you in ways I can't even imagine and I'm not defending them," Holly reached out and gently took one of Gail's hands. "But they're your family and I also know that you miss them."

Gail shot off of the couch, "Miss them? Miss them!" Gail started pacing, "Miss what? The constant criticism. The constant never being good enough. The constant feeling of disappointing them." She let out a humorless laugh. "Nah, I'm good. I don't need them any more than they need me."

Gail rarely got loud. It was something Holly had noticed. It was so different from her ex, Jess, who always seemed to barely contain her rage, not at Holly (usually), just at the world. She was someone who was never good at hiding her feelings and honestly never seemed to try. But Gail was so much more contained. It seemed like she spent most of her time and energy bottling it all inside, though she was sure that if anyone were to ask, Gail would say she didn't feel anything at all. But there she was standing there exposed. Feeling everything and it all seemed like she was feeling it too much.

Holly wasn't sure what to do. She knew that this conversation wasn't going to go well but this was a much more visceral reaction than she had expected.

"Gail," Holly kept her voice as low and soft as possible, "Sweetie, please sit." But Gail didn't budge, crossing her arms instead. Holly stood up and gently reached for her, "Please."

"I didn't bring this up to upset you."

"I know but why did you? Why bring them up at all? I can promise you that they aren't thinking about me so why should I think about them?"

"Steve really wants to talk to you and I didn't...I don't want you to lose your family because of me."

Gail snorted. "Trust me, they aren't family. They weren't winning any parents of the year awards even if we never met."

"Okay but what about Steve?"

"What about him?"

"Have you talked to him?"

"There's nothing to talk about."

"He seems to think so. He came to see me and -"

"What do you mean he came to see you? Where?"

"The lab."

"The lab? Of course."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that of course Steve went to the lab. You're right there. Right where they can reach you without even having to leave work. Of course, they would use you to get to me. Why didn't I see it sooner?"

"What're you talking about? Steve came to me because he's concerned about you. Because he misses you."

"Then why didn't he say that to me? Why didn't he come to me directly instead of going through you as the middle person. Why go to the lab? He has your number. He has mine. It's not like he doesn't know where to find me."

"He said that he tried and that he thought you wouldn't listen."

"Well he's right. I don't want to hear what he has to say. He's just their puppet, it wouldn't even be his words anyway. But I can't believe that he thought that he could use you to give their messages."

"I don't think that's what he was doing."

"Trust me, it was. This was a test. It always is."

"A test of what?"

"I don't know yet. But I'm sure it's for something."

Holly felt a twinge of annoyance that Gail thought Steve and her parents were using her but she did her best to ignore it. She had never seen Gail unravel like this. She sounded more than just anxious. She sounded paranoid.

"Honey, you should calm down. Steve is just worried about you and honestly so am I."

"You're worried about me? What are you worried about?"

"You've been through a lot. You don't sleep, and when you do, you usually have nightmares. Gail, you're always on edge, like you're waiting for the next attack."

"Can you blame me?"

"No, I don't blame you at all. But this is a lot for someone to deal with and to never talk about. And I'm not saying this because I want you to talk to me. You don't have to even though I'm here to listen. But you should talk to someone."

"I need to go."

"Gail…."

"No, it's fine. I'll talk to you later, I just need to go right now."

"Gail," But the slamming of her front door was the only response she received. Yeah, it definitely turned out worse than Holly expected.

Gail hated her ceiling.

She hated the shitty paint job someone had done that left smudges along the edges. She hated the crack that was in the corner by the door. And the way it seemed to swoop lower just above her head.

She hated the shadows the windows loved to cast upon it. She hated the way the sun slowly crept across it in the morning.

Mostly, she hated that she spent nearly every night studying it instead of sleeping.

After almost an entire year of not being able to fall asleep, she figured she'd be used to it by now. But she wasn't. She was still just as mad at herself now as she had been the first month of moving in.

Holly had been right. Gail knew it. She knew why she should go to therapy. She needed to get some of the thoughts plaguing her through the countless hours out of her system. But it felt weird going to a stranger. She had Holly. Holly would listen. She wouldn't judge. But after all the burdens she'd placed on Holly that year, she couldn't bring herself to add any more.

And it wasn't Holly's job to fix her.

Gail needed to fix herself. Needed to find a way to cope with everything that had happened without relying on alcohol and sex. She didn't want to just avoid things anymore. She wanted to actually enjoy herself. To feel something other than this constant pit of guilt and fear. To feel something other than the numbness that sometimes took its place. Her ways to escape it hadn't worked.

But she needed to escape it.

"Traci, you're actually bouncing the car." Gail's grip on the steering wheel tightened, "Stop. Fidgeting."

Traci's nervousness was filling the tin can to the point that it was making every muscle in Gail's body sore. She made a mental note to ask Holly what the hell that was about because Gail barely felt her own emotions let alone other people's.

"I just…" Traci's eyes kept flicking from the road in front of them to the passing buildings beside them. This was precisely why she wasn't driving her own car, and Gail was. She looked at her friend beside her, "Thank you for taking me. And also for the referral. You really didn't have to. After everything that's happened, you really didn't have to do this."

Gail kept her eyes on the road but lifted her now tense shoulders up in a shrug, "I said I would."

After Gail gave Traci the number for the therapist she had seen that specialized in trauma she also offered to drive her. She knew how hard it could be to make yourself go let alone how drained you might feel after.

"You know that you're a good friend, right Gail?"

"Gross."

"I mean it. And I don't really...I don't really have anyone else to talk about this with. My family doesn't get the whole therapy thing. Seeing shrinks is just something that we don't do. And Andy still thinks it was her fault for not locking the door. And Jerry...he's still blaming himself for not being there. And I just…"

"Don't really want to talk about it with anyone?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah." Gail echoed. Been there, done that. "You know you're going to have to talk to the therapist right?"

"Yeah." Traci repeated, the nervous twitch in her leg starting up again as she looked out at the passing buildings. "Think it's too late to turn around?"

"You tell me? You don't have to do this. Or you can do it this time and if it doesn't work for you, you don't have to go back." That's what she had done in high school.

"I think I have to."

"Alright, well I'll have the getaway car ready if you want to make a break for it at any point."

Traci let out a small laugh, "Thank you."

She kept looking out the window as they made their way across town to the therapist's office. They weren't talking. The only sound coming from the radio that Gail kept changing halfway through songs. But there was something that Traci really wanted to ask.

"Umm Gail?"

"I don't like the sound of that."

"Do you have anyone to talk to?"

Gail took her eyes off the road for a second to look at the girl beside her. She wasn't sure where the question was coming from, and she definitely wasn't used to the concerned look being aimed her way. She thought about making a joke or snarky comment but instead she responded honestly.

"Yeah...yeah I do."

She had a few people to talk to, which was weird when she thought about it. But she had Holly, and Oliver was constantly texting her to see how she was doing, and Chloe kept making treats in order to get Gail to sit long enough to answer a few questions, Frankie had caught her dozing off and had tried to instigate a real conversation, and Chris barely let her out of his sight when he was around. Plus, there was the fact that Gail had placed a call to try to schedule her own appointment too.

"Good." Traci nodded, seemingly satisfied. "But you know that you can talk to me too, if you want to, yeah?"

"Thanks."

They went back to the silence until the building came into sight. After Gail parked Traci's car she walked her friend to the therapist's office.

"Okay, Ms. Nash, we just need you to fill out these forms and the doctor will be with you in a moment."

Gail sat beside Traci, playing a game on her phone until she disappeared behind the wooden door with the doctor. When she was alone in the waiting room, the receptionist looked up and over at her.

"The doctor had a cancellation on Tuesday, Ms. Peck, would you like me to pencil you in?"

"What time?"

"4:00."

She'd have to skip out on the clinic, but Holly would understand. She didn't have to tell her what the appointment was for. Not yet at least.

"Yes, please."

Gail sat nervously on the couch. The last time she had been through one of these sessions it had been her mother's decision and it was with the sole purpose of proving that she hadn't been traumatized by what had happened at the party. It was a snazzy note that she was sure her mother wanted in her file for if (re: when) she applied to the Academy and anyone looked into her history. Pecks weren't victims afterall.

She had been there for nearly an hour and hadn't said a word. Other than the initial greeting, the shrink had simply let her sit in uncomfortable silence. She glanced again at the woman. She had dark-rimmed glasses on and Gail briefly wondered if it was a job requirement for doctors to have a pair. Holly did too, but Holly wore them better. She puffed out her cheeks and glanced back at the clock on the wall.

"Umm..being comfortable in silence is a good thing, but last time you didn't speak and I am concerned that we uh aren't going to have enough time to uh discuss whatever it is that's on your mind," Lena Dwyer had been a police psychologist for nearly a decade. She had worked with cops and their families and right now she had police royalty seated on her couch averting her gaze and not making a peep.

So she continued to fill the silence herself. "I am trained as you know," Gail nodded along, "So, if you'd like to speak about anything please feel free."

Gail took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out other than a deep exhale.

She tried again. "Have you ever surprised yourself?"

"Can you be more specific?"

Annoyed Gail reworded her question, "Have you ever done anything so out of character that you.." She made a surprised face and noise, "...Surprised yourself?"

"Go on."

"I'm a very loyal person. I'm not a lot of things. I'm not really friendly, I'm not easy-going, I'm not down to earth, but I am very, very loyal. Loyal to my friends, to my girlfriend, to my fam-" Gail swallowed against the lump in her throat. "Ex-family."

"So you've done something that you find hard to identify with?"

Gail didn't respond but just stared intently at the doctor.

"Well, what do you think you could do to reconnect with the you that you know?"

Gail threw her head back into the cushions and groaned. She draped her arms over the back of the couch in an attempt at nonchalance as she deflected, "I don't know. I thought that was your job."

The counselor opened her mouth but closed it as Gail continued to snark, "God, I'm glad insurance is paying for this." She fixed the doctor with a look.

"Well, to start with, you could be a little easier on yourself and secondly, accepting what has happened."

"You want me to accept that I've disappointed everyone in my life. That is terrible advice."

"Who did you disappoint?"

"Take your pick: my parents, my friends, my girlfriend…"

"All the people that you're loyal to."

"Yeah well they'd all be better off if I wasn't around."

"If I asked them the same question, do you think I would get the same answer?"

Gail shrugged.

"What makes you feel like that?"

"Well, my family disowned me. My friend nearly killed himself because of me. My girlfriend has to keep picking up the pieces."

The doctor's face remained impassive and Gail tried to match her cool demeanor.

"Did your family disown you because of this girlfriend?"

"Really? That's the one you go with?"

"It's the one you started with. So…?"

"They were disappointed in me long before that but yeah, kinda, I guess." Gail finally shifted under the doctor's scrutiny, "They gave me a choice and I chose her."

Dr. Dwyer moved her focus on the notepad in front of her as she asked, "Why don't you tell me a little more about this girlfriend?"

"Well, she's interesting. She's smart, she's weird, and I like her."

"She sounds great."

"She is great and she doesn't deserve someone as fucked up as me."

"You call yourself "fucked up" and yet she chose you just as you chose her."

"Well she chose wrong." The unconvinced look on the doctor's face had the words tumbling out of Gail's mouth despite her better judgement. "I've screwed up. A lot. I just….I'm broken. Everything about me. I can't sleep through the night. Even when I'm with her. There are times when I can't breathe and she has to calm me down."

"And is she able to?"

"Most of the time."

"That sounds like a good person to have in your life."

That was a point Gail couldn't argue with but that didn't mean she thought she deserved someone as good as Holly.

"Do you know that when we first got together I refused to put a label on us? She's amazing and I refused to let her know that."

"Why do you think you did that?"

"If I didn't label it. If it wasn't mine. I couldn't Peck it up, as my brother would say. I'm not good at relationships. And here I had this amazing woman who wanted to be with me and I fought it every step of the way."

"But you two are still together now? You said it yourself that when your family asked you to choose, you chose her. That doesn't sound like someone who isn't invested in the relationship."

"So doing one right thing suddenly makes everything else okay?"

"Well if doing one thing wrong ruins everything then why can't doing the right thing do the opposite? Does one action label you for life?"

"Well I hope not because I almost killed a man the other day. Wouldn't really want to be labelled a murderer."

Before the counselor could respond Gail glanced at the clock. Her hour was up. "Can I go?"

Dr. Dwyer looked like she was about to protest but she just smiled and replied with a "Yes, but I have to ask before you go, you mentioned things would be better if you disappeared. What did you mean?"

Gail shrugged, she didn't really know but the thoughts were always there.

"Gail do you feel hopeful about your future?"

She snorted. Gail had never felt hopeful a day in her life. Hope leads to disappointment.

"Gail, I need you to answer my next question and it's one that I ask everyone, especially someone who is going through what you are and have, but are you having thoughts about killing yourself?"

Gail froze. She doesn't know why but she didn't expect the question. But she didn't.

"No...not right now."

"Have you in the past?"

"Time's up, Doc, I have to go."

"Okay, but Gail if these thoughts change or you don't feel you are able to keep yourself safe, I need you to tell me. Call my office, or go to the emergency room."

Gail nodded.

"And I think it would be a good idea to meet again."

Gail swallowed hard but nodded again before she shot out of the seat and office in a flash. She thought she was quick enough but the receptionist caught her on the way out and forced her to set up another appointment.

Chloe's glare never left her computer screen, even with her hands smashing the keyboard. When her phone pinged with a text, she huffed before typing her reply.

"Oh, in the hour, it's not like the project is due this week!" She growled and threw the phone back down.

"Are you mad about something?" Frankie asked as she crossed into the kitchen, grabbing some water out of the fridge. She placed a glass in front of Chloe as well.

"No. I just want to be done with this project for Jarvis' class. I want it to be an individual project where I don't have to rely on partners for my grade. And I really want my partners to not be Wes and Jen. I want to not be stuck at this desk waiting for them to send me their parts that they promised they would send two days ago." Chloe huffed.

She looked up at Frankie who was watching her carefully,

"You know what? Yes. I am mad. Do you want to know why? I'm mad at Dov for not paying attention when I went to the bathroom and letting me get paired up with them. I'm mad at them for purposefully being shitty partners because I broke up with Wes. I'm mad at myself for getting a C on the first exam so that now I really need an A to make up for it."

Frankie chuckled slightly but stopped when she saw the look on Chloe's face. "Everyone messes up on the first test for that class, he makes it hard on purpose. It's just a small percentage."

"That's really not the point."

"Are you mad at me?" Frankie tried to think back to anything she might have done wrong lately.

"No, I'm not mad at you, other than the fact that you're not in this class with me and could've been my partner."

"Hey I already suffered through it."

"You asked me if I was mad and I'm feeling mad, which is why I said yes."

Frankie walked around so that she was standing behind Chloe and let her hands move over tense shoulders. She started massaging away the worry. She moved down so her lips were hovering next to Chloe's ear, "Relax, Muppet, you should text Dov and make a bet with him that your presentation is going to trounce his."

"How do you know that?"

"Because he doesn't have me helping him."

"I thought you don't help people."

Frankie smirked behind the freshman, "I don't."

Chloe turned in her seat. She didn't say a word, just reached up and tugged Frankie to her for a kiss. Her shoulders lost their tension with the press of Frankie's soft lips against her own. For as much shit as the older girl talked, Chloe couldn't deny that she was a good kisser. She felt Frankie shift between her legs and Chloe tried to pull her closer.

Chloe was surprised when Frankie was the one to pull away first.

"You hungry?" She asked before giving Chloe one last peck and heading into the kitchen.

Chloe's frown returned, "Does it look like I have time to cook?"

"No one asked you to, Muppet. Other people do know how to use the stove around here." Frankie called out over the sound of pots and pans being moved.

"Prove it."

"I intend to."

Chloe went back to work while Frankie got busy in the kitchen. If Wes and Jen weren't going to do their parts then she was going to have to put the whole thing together herself. Even someone as extroverted as Chloe Price could admit that sometimes, just sometimes, group projects sucked. She didn't realize how quick Frankie was until a plate was being slid in front of her and she had only written a few sentences.

Her stomach rumbled at the smell, but she couldn't help questioning the mess on her plate.

"Sloppy joes?"

"And mac and cheese." Frankie pointed out. Chloe gave her a look. "What? I'll have you know that these are always a hit with my brothers and with Sam and Jerry."

"Mmmhmm. I've seen what Sam and Jerry eat on a daily basis, I don't know that their opinions qualify as gourmet dining."

"It's called comfort food. You look like you need some comfort."

Chloe stopped arguing after the first bite.

"Oh my god, I love you."

Frankie froze, the food halfway to her mouth at Chloe's words. She coughed, "Ummm I'm glad you like it."

Gail was barely through the door when the smell of freshly cooked food hit her. She hadn't eaten anything that day prior to her appointment with the shrink, her stomach had been twisted into painful knots the entire time. But now that she was home and she could smell it, she just wanted to eat her feelings. It was that kind of day.

"Please tell me you have more of whatever you made, Princess."

There was an empty plate in front of her roommate but Gail was already following her hungry stomach into the kitchen.

"Wasn't me, Cranky cooked tonight and it's to die for."

"Anderson cooks?" Gail asked as she lifted the lid on a pan and poked at the red mess.

Frankie glared, "Dude, I made you BLTs"

"Dude," Gail mimicked and then pointed to herself, "Allergic to tomatoes."

"Well there's tomato in the sauce."

"I can eat them cooked, just not raw."

"Is that even a real allergy?"

Gail was already pulling out a plate. Allergies be damned. She was hungry.

"My skin would argue yes when it breaks out into a rash because people like you are dickheads and don't believe me." She helped herself to a larger helping than was sitting in front of Chloe or Frankie.

"Hey I didn't say you could have some," Frankie called out but Gail just took a large bite and dared the senior to do something about it.

The two were in the middle of a glaring contest when Chloe made an ungodly sound and aggressively texted something before slamming both her phone and head down onto the counter.

Gail nodded to her roommate, "What's wrong with her?"

"Shitty groupmates." Frankie frowned, "Oh, and Jarvis."

"Did you know that the asshole wouldn't accept my doctor's note? He's docking me points for almost being killed."

Gail was too busy eating to notice the way Frankie's jaw unhinged or Chloe's noise of indignation.

"Is that even legal?"

Gail simply shrugged, "The Uni leaves it to the professor's discretion."

"Well that's fucked up."

"Tell me about it. It's just the crap cherry on top of my shit sundae."

Chloe didn't bother lifting her head to make the muffled command to "Feed her, Crankypants."

Frankie made a face and rolled her eyes. "She's been feeding herself."

Chloe barely picked her head up to see if it was true. Finally upright, she rubbed circles against her temple. Her phone was still face down on the counter. Silent.

Frankie ran her hand along Chloe's spine, trying to ease the tension. She looked over at Gail who was watching the two with a strange look on her face.

"What are you looking at?"

"Not much," Gail answered between bites, food barely staying in her mouth.

Frankie lip curled in disgust. "You're disgusting, Peck. I don't know what Holly sees in you."

Gail could feel her hackles rise, but before she could respond, Chloe was chiming in, "Speaking of, why aren't you with her tonight?"

"We don't see each other every day." Gail replied coolly. She didn't want to see Holly right then. Hell she hadn't wanted to see her roommates either but there was food and she was hungry.

"We know, you're insufferable on the days you don't." Frankie winced as Chloe's elbow dug into her ribs for the comment.

"Well, you two see each other all the time, so what's your excuse?" Gail shot back.

Frankie threw her hands up, "Seriously, what's with the two of you? Is there something in your room that has you both in a mood?" Both Gail and Chloe glared at the senior, but she just shrugged. "Well it isn't me."

Chloe rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her roommate, "Isn't it Tuesday? I thought you go to the clinic on Tuesdays?"

Gail knew that living with someone as observant as Chloe was going to bite her in the ass. Normally, it was annoying but today it felt like scrutiny. "I had an appointment and it took longer than I thought."

"So why don't you just go see her now?"

"Why don't you mind your own fucking business?"

Frankie's shoulders tensed, "Chill, Peck."

"No, I'm tired of everyone having something to say about what I should and shouldn't be doing. You're not my fucking keeper, Princess, so just fuck off."

Chloe's frustration broke into a look of hurt.

"What the fuck, Gail? What's your fucking problem?" It was only Chloe's arm on her that stopped Frankie from getting in her friend's face.

"Everyone. Everyone is my fucking problem." Gail tossed her plate in the sink and stormed back out of the house.

She didn't know why she flipped like that. Why suddenly Chloe and Frankie's attempts to help felt so critical. Why being in the house felt so stifling. But Gail just couldn't control it. It felt like she never could. It was the same feeling she had in Holly's apartment that night. Like she couldn't control her emotions. She had always been in control of them. It was one of the first Peck lessons. Never show your feelings. Also, never feel them.

She didn't know how to express herself. Not in a way that wasn't dripping in sarcasm and disdain. But hearing them mention Holly was just not what she needed. It was bad enough she had missed the clinic for the stupid shrink appointment but all she managed to talk about was how badly she was going to fuck things up. And everyone knew it.

Frankie. Chloe. Her brother.

Hell the counselor probably figured it out in the two minutes they were talking. It didn't take nearly the number of degrees the woman had hanging on her wall to be able to tell Gail that she didn't deserve someone like Holly. That she was destined to fail her too like she did everything and everyone else.

And if that woman couldn't tell by Gail's lackluster performance on her couch, well then, she really wasn't worth the money insurance was paying her.

Gail's fingers were twisted into the soft cotton of the shirt Holly had worn to bed. It had been a few days since her therapist appointment and she was feeling less edgy, which was why she had finally stopped making excuses and went to Holly's place. She also couldn't stand one more concerned look from Chloe every time her phone pinged with an ignored text.

It had been a calm night, and now she was quiet. Enjoying the silence and peace as Holly's chest rose and fell beneath her head. Holly had one hand scratching her head and the other holding a book so that she could read comfortably. She wasn't reading it out loud, likely because Gail hadn't asked that night. Gail knew that she would if she asked. That she could make a joke or stupid comment about not being able to sleep and Holly would just start reading until Gail drifted off. It was that simple.

Then again things with Holly were always simple. If Gail hadn't spent so much time making them complicated she may have been able to see that. But she hadn't before. Now though, now she knew.

She glanced up at Holly's face. Her girlfriend was entirely focused on the pages in front of her, forehead crinkled in concentration

At the ripe old age of twenty there were very few things Gail was certain about in life. She had no idea what she wanted to do for a career or where she wanted to live, hell she didn't even know if she wanted to stay in college. But there were a few things she knew for sure. That black was her favorite color, that red lipstick was the key to a successful date, that every couple only got one good break-up. She was also certain that love hurt.

From television she was aware that parents were supposed to love their children. That it was innate. She wanted to believe her parents loved her but the ways that they showed it hurt. The nitpicking, the constant barrage of insults and complaints, the ridiculous standards that she could never measure up to. They used their "love" as bait to get her to try to do what they wanted. But no matter what she did she would never earn their love.

Nick had told her that he loved her more times than she could count. Always when they were breaking up or separated. He said it every time he looked at another girl or said he needed space, or talked about how badly she had broken his heart. Love always came with an apology.

But lying next to Holly didn't hurt. Curled up by her side while Holly silently turned pages settled the near constant restlessness that consumed her when she was with anyone else. Feeling the warmth and solidness of Holly made her want more. But love was supposed to hurt and it was why she didn't want to love Holly.

Why she shouldn't love Holly.

Loving Holly would only break her heart in ways Nick never could come close to doing. She knew better than to love him fully. But it was so easy with Holly to get caught up in how good it felt to be around her.

Which was why loving Holly would destroy her.

"I hate you and your stupid face right now."

"You love me."

"Fucking...shit….how...can...you….run…..so….fast."

"Probably because I'm not hungover." Holly taunted as she jogged circles around a collapsed Frankie. "Come on future Constable Anderson, what are you going to do when the bad guys run?"

"Hit them with my car."

"You're not going to last very long as a cop that way."

"Sure I am, I have you to send them to to patch them up. Just hurry up and get that degree of yours already."

"Well I hate to disappoint but I still have 3 more years of school plus a residency. Besides what if I become a pediatrician, can't help you then."

Frankie snorted, "You're not becoming a pediatrician."

"I could."

"You won't. The only reason you're even still doing the clinic is because your girlfriend goes."

"That's not true."

"Right, you were assigned by the school. But what about next year? Have you talked to Gail about wanting to drop the clinic."

"Not yet. I will." Holly bent over to touch her toes, enjoying the burn she felt in her legs. When she glanced up she noticed the look on her friend's face. "Don't look at me like that. I will."

"Yeah? And you're going to tell her that you want to spend that time in the crime lab?"

The lab was still a touchy subject. So Holly did what she had started doing best, she changed the subject.

"Have you talked to Chloe about what you two are going to do after graduation?"

"Not yet. I will." Frankie offered with a shrug. It was Holly's turn to stare.

"Don't look at me like that. I will." Frankie mimicked and Holly just rolled her eyes in response.

"Seriously, how did we end up running? I wanted coffee." Frankie grumbled.

"Because I was studying and told you the only way I would take a break would be for exercise."

"Did I suggest sex?"

"No, actually you didn't? Are you feeling okay? Are you dying?" Holly went to feel her forehead but Frankie batted her hand away.

"I am now."

"Or maybe it's because you know your girlfriend wouldn't like that offer, mine either for that matter."

"Chloe and I aren't-"

"You are."

Frankie huffed, "Whatever. Point is. You suck. Exercise sucks. And my lungs are broken."

"Come on, I'll buy you some coffee." Holly offered and pulled Frankie off the ground.

As they started in the direction of the nearest coffee stand, Holly asked again, "So what are you and Chloe going to do?"

"About what?"

"You graduating and leaving for the academy."

"Oh." Frankie said with a frown, "I don't know. We haven't talked about it."

"Do you two ever talk?"

Frankie rolled her eyes. She started shuffling a bit, "She said she loved me the other night."

"Really? Did you say it back?"

"No. I mean, I don't think she meant it. I had cooked for her and she just enjoyed the food."

Holly laughed.

"What?"

"Yeah, I'm sure that's all it is. Chloe definitely doesn't seem like the type to jump into this like a cannonball."

"Forget I said anything." Holly opened her mouth to protest but Frankie cut her off, "What are you and Peck going to do this summer?"

"What do you mean? I'll be studying and working in the lab this summer."

"Yeah, but what about Goldilocks?"

"What about her?"

"Do you really think she's just going to stay put all summer while you nerd out? Actually I'm surprised she's stayed still this long. But it's not like she's doing classes or anything."

"Yeah but…." Holly trailed off. Gail and her hadn't talked about the summer. She had just assumed Gail would stick around. She was sure she would work but with Gail not speaking to her family, she probably didn't have the same summer plans anymore.

"But…." Frankie prompted.

Holly didn't like the look on her friend's face. "Shut up."

"I'm just saying that you might want to talk to her. With all the shit that's happened this year I wouldn't blame her for taking off again."

Holly stopped walking, she could feel the worry pitting in her stomach. "Do you really think she'd do that?"

Frankie shrugged, "I don't know. She flipped out on Chloe and me the other night. I haven't seen her that bitchy since she first moved in. And with everything that's happened, I wouldn't be surprised if she pulled another runner. It is kind of her thing."

They kept walking in silence. Frankie glanced over and was pretty sure Holly was going to start bleeding if she bit her lip any harder. She nudged her in the side. "Come on, last one to your place buys dinner."

Frankie took off with a head start, but Holly's head wasn't in it.

"How do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Find my pulse." It was something Gail had noticed Holly doing whenever they kissed or held hands, or even just cuddled on the couch, it was inevitable that Holly's fingers would trace along her neck or her wrist or even her ankle until Gail would feel her own pulse thudding against them.

"Oh sorry, does it bother you?"

Did it? Sometimes it felt like Holly was literally holding her heart in her hands. But was that such a bad thing?

"No." She finally decided.

"You sure? Cause I could stop."

"No, I was just asking because I was surprised considering I'm a vampire."

"Yeah?"

"Pale skin that can't go in the sun, bloodthirsty Peckishness, and a lack of a heart. I think I meet all the criteria."

"Hmmm…" Holly reached again for her wrist and delicately placed her fingers just beside the tendon. "I think you need to reconsider. I have no problem finding your heart. And as a med student. It's like the first thing they teach us. In fact, there are five pulses we have to master. I could show you..."

Gail swallowed hard at the smirk on Holly's face.

"Mmhmm."

"Carotid."

Holly's finger pressed just to the side of the muscle that met the angle of her jaw. She dragged her fingers down to Gail's wrist.

"Radial."

She reached for the button of Gail's jeans.

"May I?"

"Nerd."

But Holly waited anyway.

Gail sighed, "You may."

Holly undid her pants and slipped one hand against her hip. She followed an invisible path until she was halfway between bones.

"Femoral."

Gail swallowed hard. Holly's hand was warm and so close, but instead of touching her she drifted further down the bed, dragging Gail's pants with her.

Pressing her fingers to a spot just behind the protruding bones near her ankle on the inside of her leg, Holly said, "Posterior tibial."

She finished with a light touch on the top of Gail's foot, "Dorsalis pedis."

"Mmm I love when you speak nerdy to me."

"You think everything I say is nerdy."

"Well then I guess I love everything you say."

Gail could feel Holly's eyes burning across her skin and she held her breath a little as she waited. The moment felt heavy, and she could see Holly's brilliant mind storming behind her eyes. She wasn't sure what she wanted Holly to say next but she felt like she may have accidentally flown too close to the sun. Holly opened her mouth, about to speak when a loud knock came at the door.

Both women let out a silent sigh.

"What if I said the food was here?" Holly joked weakly as she sat up and pulled back on some of her clothes.

Gail didn't move but watched the brunette as she made herself presentable, "See I definitely love it."

Holly snorted and gave Gail one last look before she went to retrieve their food. Gail didn't want to think about what the look was about. But it felt like whatever Holly was about to say was something that Gail wasn't sure she was ready to hear. So she tried to focus on all the delicious food she was about to eat and just enjoying the rest of the night with her girlfriend. She'd just be more careful about her word choice.

"Ahem"

Holly startled, nearly knocking over the beaker beside her. She was in the middle of preparing the next set of DNA samples that needed to go in the centrifuge. She was so engrossed in the task that she hadn't heard the Chief appear until he was standing in the doorway.

"Oh, Dr. Harris, I didn't see you there."

"Sorry to startle you, but I just came to tell you to head home for the night."

"But sir," She glanced at the clock above the door, "I've only been here an hour. I was helping Dr. Torres with these samples." She gestured to the table in front of her. The one with the neatly labelled test tubes. The different sized pipettes. The prepared DNA samples. Holly couldn't just leave in the middle of her work.

But the doctor just waved a weathered hand, "There aren't that many to do. There's no need to waste your time."

Holly's confusion grew into concern. This wasn't the first time she was getting sent home early. In fact it had been happened during nearly every one of her shifts in the last few weeks. She nervously plucked at the vinyl gloves covering her hands.

"Have I done something wrong, sir?"

"No, not at all. It just happens sometimes, work comes in batches."

"Yeah but…"

"Don't worry, I'm sure it'll pick up again soon. Crime never sleeps."

Holly heard the dismissal in his voice. She wasn't sure what she had done but clearly she wasn't wanted. "Right." She tried to clear the burning in her throat. "Of course. I'll just let Dr. Torres know."

Holly watched the chief nod and walk away. She took a few deep breaths and started labelling what she had completed and organized what still needed to be done before beginning the long walk down the hall to her mentor's office. Each step came slower and slower as her mind raced with the things she could've possibly done to incur the dismissal.

By the time Holly reached the office door, she had worked herself up into a frenzy, "Dr. Torres, have I done something to upset the Chief?" the words came tumbling out in a barely coherent string.

The young doctor tore her eyes away from her computer screen to look at the normally composed medical student who couldn't stop fidgeting with her glasses. Dr. Torres may not have gone into psychiatry for a plethora of reasons but even she could feel the anxiety radiating off the young woman in her doorway.

She gestured to the seat in front of her. "Why do you ask?"

"Well he sent me home. Again. That's the fifth time in the last couple of weeks."

"Did he give you a reason?"

"He said that there wasn't enough work for me to be here."

"Did you finish the samples?"

"No, that's what I was in the middle of doing."

"And he sent you home anyway?"

"Yeah." Holly wasn't sure if the confusion on Dr. Torres's face was a comfort or not. It was nice to know that someone else was puzzled by this strange request. But then it could also mean that there was something wrong.

"That is a little strange." The doctor conceded. "Why don't you finish up what you were doing and then head out for the night."

"But…"

The doctor held up a hand to cut off the impending protest, "Don't worry. I'll make sure there's work for you to do the next time you come in. I promise."

Holly opened her mouth to reply but the lump was back and she just let her lips seal as she swallowed hard. It was bad enough being dismissed for seemingly no reason, she wasn't going to make it worse by annoying the person directly in charge of her. Instead she returned to the lab and quietly but efficiently finished the samples she had started. She left just as quietly, her heart plummeting into her stomach like a piece of lead as she headed home.

Gail paused when she saw Nick sitting on her porch. It was supposed to be a simple stop at home, grab her stuff, grab some food, power nap, go to work. Why was her life never simple?

"Juliet's not home."

"I know that."

"So what're you doing?"

"I was looking for you actually."

"Why?"

"I brought you a doughnut, but if you want it you're going to have to sit with me."

Gail glared, but Nick just gave her that stupid grin of his and shook the cardboard container in his hand. Her curiosity got the better of her and she dropped onto the top step. Nick handed over the box containing a dozen hawaiian doughnuts. Gail managed to contain her glee, merely eyeballing her ex-boyfriend before pulling the box into her lap. She wasted no time stuffing a large bite into her mouth

"So how're you doing?"

"This doughnut's stale."

"Come on, Gail. You know what I meant."

"Did you really come here to talk about my feelings? Nicholas, I don't do touchy feely."

"I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine."

"Really okay."

"I maintain my previous answer."

Nick ran a hand over his perfect jaw. "I know that I messed up. I blamed you for a long time for why things didn't work between us. I always thought I had tried. You know, I tried, but you were always so distant."

"Why are we rehashing this? I know you think I was never girlfriend material. Why bring me doughnuts just to insult me?"

"Because I was wrong. I was never what you needed. What you deserved. You deserved a lot better than what I gave you and I'm sorry for what happened when we were dating and at the beginning of this year. You made your feelings clear and I should've respected them and I never should've gotten into Frankie or Holly's faces about you."

"No, you shouldn't have."

"Holly seems like a really good person. She seems like the type of person who would try harder."

"Holly's the best."

"That's good. I'm glad you have someone. I'm glad you're letting someone in."

"Yeah, well, is that everything because I really gotta get ready for work?"

Nick stood, offering a hand to pull Gail up too.

"There's one more thing."

"What? You aren't going to break into song or something right? I know Chloe has you watching musicals."

Nick looked off down the street, he could feel Gail impatiently looking at him. "I'm not coming back next semester."

"Why not?"

"It's time I did something different."

"You're only a year away from graduating. You're not going to go chasing after Juliet are you? Because that's dramatic even for you."

"No. College isn't for everyone and it's definitely not for me. I've been trying because it's what my foster mom wanted for me. But I just hate it. I hate sitting around in a classroom all day. I'm wasting money and wasting time."

"So what are you going to do?"

"After Juliet graduates, I'm going to enlist."

"Nick…"

"I've thought about this. For a long time. I just I want to do something...I want my life to mean something more. And I just...I just think it's the right thing for me."

"If you get yourself killed, I'm never forgiving you."

"I'll remember that. "

"You better." Gail stared hard at her ex. "I mean it I'll…."

"I'll miss you too, Gail."

"That wasn't what I was about to say."

"No, but it's what you meant."

Nick pressed a quick kiss to her cheek and then took off running before she could catch him. Gail could see the smile on his face from across the yard. She hated him more often than not, but she would miss him.

Stupid Nick.

Gail tried to stay focused at work but it was hard. Nick leaving wasn't something that she expected.

She also didn't expect to see her girlfriend walk in on a school night.

"Hey, shouldn't you be at the lab?"

"I got sent home...again." Holly collapsed onto one of the stools feeling even more defeated than when she left the lab.

"That's been happening a lot lately huh?"

"So it seems." She sulked.

Gail hated to see her girlfriend so upset. She looked like a kicked puppy. "Any reason why?"

"Not sure. The chief keeps telling me there isn't enough work."

"What's his name again?"

"Dr. Harris?"

"And he's been the chief medical examiner for a while right?"

"As far as I know. Why?"

"The name sounds familiar."

Harris. Gail was pretty sure she knew him. How, though? She was racking her brain when a sinking feeling kicked in. She had been introduced countless times to the doctor...at Peck parties. He was one of her mother's lackeys.

Shit.

"Ummm Is it unusual for the lab to be so slow?"

She hoped it was just a coincidence but she wouldn't put it past Elaine to pull some strings to get Holly out of the lab just to get back at her.

"I don't know. Dr. Torres told me not to worry and that she would find more work for me to do. So that's what I'm going to try to do."

"Oh, so you came here for a distraction." Gail leaned over seductively, ready to change the subject and distract both of them.

"I came here for a drink and maybe to flirt with the very hot bartender."

"Well then you came to the right place. Is tonight a whiskey night or a tequila night?"

"It's a school night."

"It's always a school night for you doctor-folk. But whiskey it is."

"How about we stick with just a beer."

As Gail started pouring out the tap, she looked over, "So you come here often?"

"Next thing you're going to say is what's a nice girl like me doing in a place like this."

"Well it did work the last time."

"Actually I think it was a very interesting game of duck duck goose that worked."

"Best game I ever played."

Gail glanced at the other end of the bar where a crowd was starting to form. "Duty calls."

Hail had barely stepped away when a ball of energy plopped into the space next to Holly.

"Holly!"

"Hi, Chloe."

"You should come join us!"

"Actually, I'm not staying long."

"Oh, no you have to. Dov's buying my drinks tonight because he lost a bet. So you're definitely joining us. Plus, Gail's working, we can keep you busy until she's done."

Realizing she didn't have a choice against the spitfire yanking at her arm. Holly grabbed her drink and looked to catch Gail's eye. She nodded towards Chloe and Gail understood perfectly that Holly wasn't going anywhere for the rest of the night.

"I thought you were only having beers tonight?" Gail wondered as she helped Holly stumble up the stairs towards her room.

"Why do you think the lab keeps sending me home? Am I doing something wrong?"

"Babe you've asked me that like a hundred times already."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I know but still do you think so?"

"I think they're lucky to have you and if they can't see that then it's their loss."

"You're just saying that because you're my girlfriend."

"No, I'm saying it because it's true. I'm trying to help you walk straight because you're my girlfriend."

"I'm not that drunk."

"Mmmhmm sure."

"I'm nooooot." Holly face-planted onto the bed. "Okay, maybe a little bit drunk."

"Maybe alotta bit."

Gail helped her out of her jeans. It was not an easy task.

"How's you even manage to get so drunk?"

"Chloe had Dov keep buying us drinks. Apparently Frankie helped her with some project. And so we kept drinking and talking about how awesome our girlfriends are."

"Ha, has Anderson finally admitted they're dating?"

"I don't know how she couldn't. Chloe is crazy in love with her."

"She say that?"

"Yep. And it wasn't just about the food either."

"What food?"

"Chloe told Frankie that she loved her."

"Really? What did Frankie do?"

"Acted like Frankie. But I really think that Frankie loves her too. She's happier when Chloe's around."

"Did you tell Chloe that?"

Holly thought hard about it and Gail tried hard not to laugh. Suddenly Holly's jaw dropped."Oh, crap! Frankie is going to kill me."

"Probably."

"Ugh I'm a terrible friend."

"No you're a drunken one. And I didn't even give you any tequila truth serum."

"That's probably for the best…" Holly yawned, "or I probably would've told Chloe about how I feel about you…"

Gail couldn't help it, she knew Holly probably wouldn't remember the conversation and her curiosity was getting the better of her, "and what would you have said?"

But Holly's only response was a drunken snore.

"Why does your face look like that?"

"Ouch."

"Seriously."

"This is just my face."

"No." Chloe smoothed out the wrinkles in her forehead. "You're being extra frowny today."

"Stupid Holly." Frankie grumbled to herself. "I'm mad at you."

"Me? What did I do?"

"For being so…..Chloe."

The most annoying thing about Chloe wasn't her upbeat personality. No, that wasn't the thing that got under everyone's skin. It was her fearlessness. Chloe Price wasn't afraid to put herself out there and let people judge her. She wasn't afraid to take chances and dive head first into any and every situation. She wasn't afraid to be honest and to put everything she was feeling out on the table.

Most of all, she wasn't afraid to be happy.

She knew getting involved with Frankie during the older girl's senior year was a gamble. Frankie had a reputation and their time together had almost a guaranteed expiration date. She hadn't thought about it at the time. She just knew that she liked the cantankerous brunette and she wanted to be with her. Even knowing about all the drama and headache she would face this year and that they still wouldn't carry a label or a guarantee into the future she wouldn't have done anything differently. She still would've drunkenly kissed Frankie on top of the bar after breaking up with Wes. She still would've chosen her for the body shots and stayed up all night talking. She still would've demanded that they be friends and gotten drinks poured on her during their first date. Knowing that the future would tear them apart wasn't enough to stop Chloe from putting them together in the first place.

But Frankie wasn't like Chloe.

"You know this wasn't supposed to happen. Right? I had a plan for this year. No complications. No strings. And then you came along…."

"Being Chloe."

"Exactly. I just...I just kinda wish I had met you at a different time."

"You're worried about graduation?"

"Aren't you?"

"Not really. What will be will be."

"That's a stupid saying."

"You don't believe in fate?"

"I learned about fate and God's plans at the same time that I was told I was going to hell for wanting to be myself and for wanting to be with women. So no, it's not really something I believe in."

"Well I do. But if it makes you feel any better, let's just make a deal."

"What kind of deal?"

"We'll be together for the rest of the year and summer and actually enjoy it. But when you start the Academy we can end things. No hard feelings. We stay friends and that's it."

"That's it?"

"Yep. And if we're meant to be together then it'll happen. Eventually."

"So it'll just be over."

"No, silly. We'll stay friends and in each other's lives but without all the pressure or drama and just let things happen naturally. I know that things are different for us. I'll be here and in school and you're going to the Academy and need to focus and start working for real. And I might not even become a cop."

"Since when?"

"I don't know. There are a lot of paths. I might do grad school or something. I could be a therapist, or a social worker, or an engineer, or a chef. I don't know. Some people walk a straight line. That's not really my thing."

"Well I hope not." Frankie pulled Chloe on top of her and settled herself between Chloe's hips. "Being straight is boring."

"Agreed."

"So no pressure, no guilt, we just enjoy this until it's time to say goodbye?"

"Yep. But it's not goodbye. You have to promise me that we stay friends."

"I'm not really good at being friends with exes."

"But you are good at keeping promises so…" Chloe held her pinkie out and waited.

"Okay," Frankie linked her own pinkie with Chloe's. "I promise."

"Then yeah, no pressure, no guilt. Let's just be happy for a little while."

"Happy, huh?"

"Yes, Crankypants, I'm going to teach you how to be happy."

"You know what would really make me happy?"

"What?"

"Doing this." Frankie flipped their positions, dropping between Chloe's legs and causing Chloe to let out an adorable giggle until Frankie quieted her with a long kiss.

Gail stood at the edge of the building, looking out at the city. From that height, she could see over most of the surrounding buildings. All of the trees. There were a few birds. And the clouds were still up way too high to touch.

It was quiet up there. Despite the cars and people moving below. It didn't seem so bad. The city. Then again, everything looks perfect from far away.

Holly slipped her arms around her waist. "Hey, what's going on in that head of yours?"

"Nothing,"

"Full offense, but I don't really believe you."

"Then don't believe me." The words carried a little more bite than Gail intended.

"Please don't be like that."

"Sorry."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Just...you can if you want."

"I'm just enjoying the view."

Holly fell silent and Gail tried to go back to her silent meditation but Gail could feel Holly's eyes on her.

"You're staring."

"I'm just enjoying the view."

"You're such a nerd."

"But you liiiiiiiiike me. You wanna kiiiiiiiissssssss meeee."

It was true. She did and she struggled to not smile. "Like I said, you're such a nerd."

"Yeah but I'm your nerd."

"Mine huh?"

"Yep."

It sounded pretty nice. Having someone who was hers. With Holly it was easy to forget about everything else and just enjoy being with someone. No, not just anyone. She enjoyed being with Holly because Holly was...Holly.

"Gail."

"Holly."

Holly pinched her side, "I'm trying to be serious."

"And what do you think I'm doing?"

"Being a goober."

"Excuse you, did you really just call me a goober?"

"Well, I mean if the shoe fits."

"You know how I feel about shoes."

"You take them almost as seriously as your weapons."

"Exactly. So you admit that I was being serious."

"That's not what I said"

"It's what I heard."

"You know that you can talk to me, right? About anything. It's what we do."

She couldn't though. Some words just couldn't come out. "Yeah, of course."

"Not talking is also okay."

"Mmhmm."

Holly settled beside her, "The city looks a lot nicer from up here."

"Yeah, it does."

"It's not so bad, is it?"

"What isn't?"

"The city. This city. Toronto. It's not so bad living here, is it?"

"I don't know." Gail turned to look at Holly. The questions felt heavy, like there was something Holly wasn't saying. "Why are you asking?"

Holly reached for her glasses and Gail could tell she was worried.

"If I stopped going to the clinic, would you still volunteer?"

"Why would you stop?"

"Technically next year I have the option of doing a different specialty. And there are people like Rachel who know they want to do Peds and would love to have my spot. But everyone there really loves having you and I just don't want you to feel like you couldn't be there if I wasn't. And -"

Gail cut her off with a kiss.

"Too many words."

Gail nodded. "You don't want to do the clinic, do you?"

"It's okay. It's just that after everything that happened there this year, it still kind of bothers me to be there. And there's just something about sick kids and how many of them end up there because of someone else. Plus, Rachel really does want my spot."

"Would they even want me there if you don't go?"

"Eva told me that she would drag you there herself if you try to bail."

Gail really didn't want to piss off Eva. Still she was a little disappointed. "So we would see each other less."

"It might make things a little harder"

"Harder, right, just what we need." Gail sighed.

"We'll figure it out," Holly promised.

"Yeah, sure." But she didn't sound convinced. "So what will you do instead?"

"Well I was thinking of getting the school to approve my time at the lab for a pathology focus."

Gail's stomach tightened. More time at the lab. More time around cops. More time getting sucked into the Peck world. It was the last thing Gail wanted for herself, let alone for the woman that she was falling in love with.

"You really love the lab, don't you?"

"I do. I love the science of it. I love the mysteries."

"Well you should do what you love."

"I also love working with you."

"Yeah, but you don't love Peds or the clinic. You don't have to worry about me. I can entertain myself."

"I know But I don't want you to lose out on the clinic because of me. And I don't want the patients or the staff to miss out on working with you. You make a big difference."

"I know I'm awesome."

"Yeah, yeah." Holly pressed a kiss to the side of her head and went back to her books on the bench.

"By the way, you shouldn't stand so close to the edge. It's dangerous."

"Danger's my middle name, remember?"

"How could I forget?"

Gail looked back at her girlfriend who was already absorbed in her studying. It would suck losing the time they had together at the clinic. Both of them were already so busy. But she really did want Holly to do what she loved the most. Just why did it have to involve working at a lab alongside her family's dynasty?

Holly was incredulous. "I still can't believe you tried to kill me."

"I still can't believe I didn't succeed." Frankie mocked with equal incredulity.

"You're not funny."

"Excuse you. I'm hilarious." Frankie's hands were still up in the air from her victory dance. "Well dinner's on you, Stewart."

"Whatever. You cheated."

"Oh come on, don't be like that."

Holly didn't say anything. She was distracted by the mail in the box she had just emptied.

"Hey." Frankie didn't like the look on her friend's face, "What's wrong?"

"This is from Superintendent Peck." Holly looked white as a ghost as she stared at the envelope in her hand.

"Ummm, why is Gail's mom sending you stuff?"

"I'm more concerned with how."

"Did Gail give her your address?"

Holly gave Frankie a look, "Do you think that's something she would do?"

"Maybe Steve?" Frankie suggested.

"Maybe."

"Are you going to open it?"

Holly hesitated. She didn't know why a simple letter was causing fear to run along her spine and yet it was. She tried not to let her hands shake as she started to tear it open.

"So what is it?"

"An invitation."

"Ooo to what? Do you get a plus one? Can I be it?"

Holly didn't even bother shoving Frankie away as she peered over her shoulder.

"It's a commendation ceremony."

"For what?"

"For Steve, apparently."

"Okay. But why are you the one getting the invitation?"

"I don't know."

"So what are you going to do?"

Holly thought back to the last time she had dared to bring up Gail's family.

"I don't know that either."

Holly was dreading every moment of this. But, as Frankie had pointed out, repeatedly, she also knew how important honesty and trust was to Gail and she didn't want her to find out about the invitation and think Holly was keeping things from her. Which was why she asked Gail to come by after her shift.

As soon as Gail walked through the door she took one look at Holly and froze. "What's wrong?"

"You need to promise you aren't going to freak out."

Gail's eyes narrowed, "Do you want me to break a promise to you?"

"What? No, that isn't really the point of that statement."

"Well it's the truth. No one uses that phrase unless they expect the other person is going to freak out. Now are you going to tell me whatever it is or are you going to let me come up with horrible ideas all on my own?"

"Here."

"What's…" Gail started to ask but trailed off when she saw the familiar handwriting. She pulled out the invitation from the envelope and read the two names on it. "When did she send this?"

"I got it a few days ago."

"A few days. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was trying to figure out how she even knew my address."

"She's the superintendent, Holly. She literally has minions who have minions."

Holly was afraid of that, she ran her hand through her hair and adjusted her glasses. "Well, should we go?"

"No."

"But she's gone to a lot of trouble. Maybe she just really wants us there."

"Holly, us going is just going to tell them that they can still control us. We don't need that."

"Yeah, but it's for Steve. It's not for them."

"Do you really believe that?"

"How can you not? I really thought you would've realized by now that it's always about them. Steve is just a pawn in the Superintendent's games. Fuck, we all are."

"What kind of game is she playing?"

"I don't know, but I intend to find out."

It was one thing for Elaine to target Gail and Steve. They couldn't help being born into the Peck travesty. But she would be damned if she was going to let her mother bring Holly down with them.

"Why are you sending things to Holly's house?"

Gail threw the card onto the Superintendent's desk.

Elaine calmly leaned back in her chair and glanced over the rim of her reading glasses to study the tempest that was her daughter. "Because you are both invited to Steven's commendation ceremony and I didn't trust you to pass along the message."

"What message?"

"Really, Gail? Must you pretend to be so dense."

"That's me, dense. Why don't you explain it to me?"

The Superintendent let out a suffering sigh. "That you and Holly are both expected to be there"

"Why does it matter so much to you that we go?"

"Because this commendation is as much for you as it is for your brother."

"It's not for me."

"Really? Who was it that alerted the detectives to what the man who attacked you said? Who put those pieces together?"

Gail didn't say anything.

"You may want to enjoy this rebellious phase and protest that you don't want to be a police officer, but you were born for this Abigail."

"I wasn't born for anything. You turned my entire childhood into a police academy."

"And it's helped you, hasn't it? You were able to keep your calm and fight that man off even though he was more than twice your size. You are going to be recognized, just as much as Steven for your part in the operation and your father and I would like you to be there to receive it. I know that you have a hard time believing it, Gail, but we really do want what's best for you."

"Holly is what's best for me."

"I can see that...now. She is a very impressive woman. Graduated early from both high school and college. Double majored in Biochemistry and Health Studies, Summa Cum Laude. Volunteers both at the children's clinic and the forensic lab. Is currently at the top of her class."

"I thought that stuff only impressed you when she was potentially Steve's future wife?"

"This was never about her being a woman." Gail didn't say anything but the look on her face was enough to make Elaine sigh again. "Okay. I'll admit that it was a little, ahem, surprising to have it sprung unexpectedly on us in the middle of a family dinner. But what have I always told you? Know who you are, be better than everyone else, and don't screw up. If being a lesbian is who you are..."

"It is."

"Then so be it. But this was always more about the lying."

"Steve was the one who lied."

"Yes, well, your brother has had a very long talk with us about that. He wants you at the commendation. If you don't believe me just ask him yourself."

At the mention of her brother, Gail could feel her resolve weakening. "I'll think about it."

Elaine nodded sharply, and Gail accepted the dismissal, she had just reached the door when she heard,

"Oh, Gail..."

Gail knew she shouldn't stop. That she should get out before she heard whatever Elaine had left to say. But her feet froze, glued to the ground by the cement that was her mother's voice. A trained reaction. She couldn't move even if she wanted to.

"How is Holly enjoying her work in the lab? Dr. Harris is always speaking so highly of her. I know sometimes it can be a little slow. I do hope they've been finding enough work for her."

"You didn't."

"Didn't what, dear?"

"Were you the reason that Holly got sent home early so many times this month?"

"I don't know what you mean, Gail. Why would I want Holly to not work at the lab? It's such a prestigious internship. Being able to work that closely with the police department."

Gail's jaw locked into place but she could feel the bile rising. For a minute, Elaine's speech had gotten her to lower her guard, but she should've known better. Especially from the woman who gave birth to her. But staring at her, she felt nothing but fear and loathing.

"I have no idea."

"Well, then you should know better than to make empty accusations. Talk to her about the ceremony and hopefully, we'll see you both there."

Borrowing Chris's car, Gail had just finished working on a final project with Waverly.

It was time for work and she knew it. Yet she was still sitting in the driver's seat, with the engine idling, and she couldn't bring herself to move.

She was at the top of the parking garage. All she could see were trees around her. She wondered how easy it would be for her to just take off and go. To start driving nowhere, and keep going until she got there.

She wouldn't have to deal with her family or her relationships or the constant reminders of all the shitty things that happened, every time she travelled anywhere. Yeah it would definitely be easier, maybe even better.

But it was time for work. And Gail had responsibilities. Yet, she couldn't shake the thoughts through the short drive. By the time she got to work, she felt even more on edge than usual. And considering she had been attacked and nearly killed outside of the job. That was saying a lot. Some days she could ignore it. It honestly didn't even feel like it had happened to her. Some days she had to push the thoughts out and just focus on the mundane tasks. Some days she couldn't do either. Today was one of those days.

The feeling was prickling at her skin as she entered the building. The bar seemed louder, more crowded than usual. There was some kind of rowdiness happening near one of the pool tables. Gail made mental note of it but went about her business, clocking in, getting set up behind the bar.

She tried to ignore it but the crowd was getting louder, an argument was definitely under way. Gail called out to the back to get Charlie's attention before heading towards it.

"Hey, that's enough. What the hell is going on here?"

The crowd parted and Gail stopped in her tracks. A woman with hair like a mare with a Hollywood stylist was at the center of the crowd, a broken pool cue in hand. The last time Gail had seen the woman she was whiskey-soaked and reckless….in Greece.

"Aphrodite?"

Another guest appearance but I promise that all the characters in this story have a purpose. I don't know when the final chapter will be written but I can say that this story will have a conclusion.