Chronicles of an Elven Bed-warmer
Chapter the Third
Interview and Personal Hygiene
I don't care what Wikipedia says, I do not own Dragon Age.
The guards were silent for what seemed to Aeden to be an uncomfortably long time. Finally the Sargent in command approached him.
"Permission to speak freely m'lord?" Ah, well. It was too much to hope that they would accept it without question.
"Yes, Sargent Cartwright?"
"Is this... wise sir?"
"Explain yourself Sargent." Normally Aeden liked for his men to question him, it let him know they were paying attention, it was only in this particular instance that it was annoying.
"She's awfully small sir." Cartwright gave Kallian the once over. His gaze settling on a point four inches below her face. "Unless you are planning to conceal her somewhere about your person I don't see how she'd be any use at all, No offense." he added as an afterthought.
She scowled at him and emitted a low growling noise from the back of her throat. To his credit the man was not intimidated.
"Perhaps a demonstration is in order," interjected Aeden, turning to Kallian "Miss Inri?"
"No, m'lord." Kallian shook her head, narrowing her eyes at Cartwright who had preened at her refusal. He probably thought she was too scared. She'd show him.
Aeden raised an eyebrow. He would have thought that she would jump at the opportunity. "Why not?"
"It'd be unfair sir." Kallian scanned the guards and picked the four largest. "You, you, you and you, assist the Sargent." The men made there way uneasily over, muttering among themselves. "Now, attack me."
The men looked at each other warily. Kallian was quite pleased by this, it meant that Aeden did not employ stupid guards. They knew that when a small, seemingly weak opponent asks you to attack them it generally doesn't end well for the attackers.
"I'm not scared of some little girl!" One of them yelled and charged.
Kallian sighed; for all the lack of stupidity there was always one. She deflected the man's sword with her practice dagger and struck him at the base of the throat with the pommel of her other dagger-he went down choking for breath.
The remaining guards circled her cautiously, learning from their colleague's mistake. Feeling board, Kallian decided to take the initiative and charged, ducking under a sword and kicking out at the man's leg, which caused him to stagger forward. She quickly spun behind her attacker and grabbed him from behind "slitting" the guard's throat.
Two down.
A third man managed to catch her from behind with his shield but she was able to roll into the impact and put some distance between them. Unfortunately for her, he continued his attack with sword upraised but Kallian deftly sidestepped and thrust her dagger into his lightly armored underarm.
Another "kill".
The last two, Sargent Cartwright and a man with a great-sword, chose then to start coordinating their attacks. Perhaps they saw that it was futile to attack alone, pride be damned. The one with the great-sword would attack and then retreat behind the Sargent's shield. Kallian was forced back on defense and waited for them to make a mistake. It came sooner than she expected when the great-sword wielder overextended his strike and a swift step had her inside his reach and taking him out with a well placed stab.
She turned just in time to catch the Sargent sword with a cross dagger block and kicked him in the chest, putting him off balance enough that she could surge forward and tackle him to the ground and straddle his waist with her dagger at his throat, As her dagger kissed his throat and her weight straddling his waist, Kallian grinned at the Sargent dangerously.
Aeden was a bit stunned, that was probably the hottest thing he had ever seen. He vaguely registered that Kallian had gotten up and sheathed her daggers pointedly, returning to his side. I should be saying something now, right? "Er...um, very good Miss Tab-er, Miss Inri..."
She took a moment to catch her breath. "Thank you, m'lord."
Blinking, Aeden forced himself to focus on the guards. "Anyone else have any questions?" They shook their heads emphatically. "Good. Miss Inri?"
"Yes, m'lord?" Kallian canted her head in question.
"Come with me." He turned, and left Kallian to follow curiously.
"Inri?" He asked once he thought they were out of earshot
Kallian shrugged, succinctly elucidating."My mother's maiden name."
Aeden nodded and thought for a bit. "That's dalish isn't it?"
"My grandfather was Dalish. I've always liked the way it sounded." She elaborated.
"Ah." Aeden nodded his understanding, veering towards a corridor she hadn't had the pleasure to explore yet. "That was amazing fighting by the way."
Kallian blushed faintly. "Oh, well, uh, thank you." she wasn't really used to getting compliments. Hastily, she changed the subject."Uh, m'lord, what's with this armor? It's kind of, well, skimpy."
Aeden shifted his weight uncomfortably."It's part of your disguise, your supposed to be Dalish,and er... according to Elle if you wear that, no one will be looking at your face."
He cleared his throat, feeling awkward and tried to ignore her shocked expression. "I'm going to get cleaned up, we've got a meeting with the king later."
"We?"she asked nervously, this shocking revelation having wiped the previous one from her mind.
"You're my bodyguard, you go where I go." Aeden blithely replied over his shoulder, not noticing Kallian swallow nervously. "The armory is at the end of the hall, get yourself some weapons, then find Elle, she'll help you get ready."
0-0
After procuring a pair of dalish daggers and wandering around for about twenty minutes Kallian managed to find Elle.
Or rather, Elle found her. "There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you."
"But –" Elle didn't bother with her protests, and simply grabbed Kallian's arm and started dragging her down the hall, with the younger elf struggling to keep pace. They quickly came to a room with tiled walls, a lot of cupboards and a curtain covered doorway at the far end.
"Strip." Ordered the maid.
"What!" Kallian crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive gesture, stunned by the order.
Elle snorted, before commanding. "The armor, take it off. Underwear too."
"What? But why?" Pleaded the confused rogue, fearful of being sexually assaulted.
Elle glared. "If you think I'm letting you see the king without having a bath..."
"Oh. Why didn't you say?" She started getting undressed.
"Well we're in a bathroom, I thought it was obvious. The maid deadpanned. "Go through there when you're finished, I'll be with you in a moment." She gestured to the curtain, handing Kallian a robe to wear.
"Wow." she whispered in a subdued voice. The room was impressive. The ceiling, walls and floor were covered in a brilliant white marble tile, in the center of the room sat a raised stone tub large enough for at least five people. What an amazing bathroom! She thought. Personal hygiene was a luxury few could afford in the alienage. Since her family was a bit better off than most they had a copper hip bath that got used about once a month. Although since she had started working at the Pearl she had more frequently used the facilities there, which weren't nearly as fancy as this. In fact she was so impressed that she failed to notice the room's other occupant.
"Kallian?" Aeden asked, not feeling at all awkward. As a member of the aristocracy, he was used to servants (normally Elle) seeing him naked, so Kallian doing so was no big deal.
Registering his voice, the elf sought its source. "Aeden?" The young lord was just exiting the tub.
Okay, she thought, don't look down.
She looked down.
She tried to convince herself it wasn't a big deal, she'd seem naked guys before.
Well, guy.
Well, Soris.
But this felt different somehow. Were all humans so much...Bigger? at this point her brain stopped working. Luckily, for them both, Elle came in with a towel.
"Take this your lordship." she handed him the towel. "This one needs my full attention."
"Erg..." grunted "that one" Kallian's brain obviously had not yet finished re-booting entirely.
Aeden wisely remained silent, he knew his servant well enough to recognize the look in her eyes. It was the 'I've got a new toy' look. He said a quick prayer for the young rogue and quickly scuttled away.
With the cause of her problem gone said rogue's head had cleared and she became aware of Elle looking at her in a distressing way.
"Um..."
The maid advanced brandishing a soapy washcloth and a demented expression.
"Eep!"
0-0
Some time later Kallian sat in front of a mirror with an expression of wonderment at the gorgeous elf reflected back at her.
"Is that me?" she inquired dreamily. She'd been scrubbed, soaped, perfumed and painted, her hair had been rinsed, washed, brushed and braided to within an inch of it's life. The last ninety minutes were just a blur of steam, the smell of soap and hands everywhere scrubbing relentlessly. She would swear the Elle was secretly an octopus. The young elf still felt mildly traumatized but maybe it had been worth it.
Scratch 'maybe' it was worth it.
"Who else would it be?" Elle beamed proudly at her masterpiece.
Kallian sputtered, trying to string her thoughts into a sentence."I don't, well, I nev...I'm pretty?"
Well, that comment killed the mood. Elle rolled her eyes and snorted. "Like you don't know."
"N-no, I mean guys have hit on me before but I always thought it was..." She blushed and her voice fell to a whisper. "Because I have large... you know." she cupped her hands in front of her chest in the universal gesture for boobs.
The older woman chuckled. "They are a rather prominent feature aren't they."
Kallian looked down. She knew she was rather well endowed, especially for an elf. Honestly, she didn't understand what the hype was. They made her look ungainly, and not to mention they got in the way when she fought. Most of the time, she kept them bound but it only helped up to a point.
"Anyway," Continued Elle. "Put your armor on and we'll meet Aeden in the foyer."
Kallian blinked, unsure of what Elle was talking about. "The what?"
"The entrance." The maid deadpanned, having forgotten that Kallian wasn't used to noble households.
The younger elf nodded in comprehension, following the maid's lead in leaving the room. "Oh."
0-0
Aeden was waiting by the door when Elle stuck her head into the room, demanding with a smirk. "Close your eyes, m'lord."
"Why?" He questioned, just to irritate her. He knew his maid too well by now.
Testily, she replied. "Just do it!"
Sighing exaggeratedly, Aeden made a show of closing his eyes. "Fine, they're closed."
There followed sounds of a scuffle, and someone whispered a heated "No!" …Wasn't that Kallian's voice?
"Just get out there!" Elle's bossy tone was obvious. There were some more noises for a while until an abrupt silence took its place. "Okay, you can look now." The maid announced, her voice slightly out of breath.
He opened his eyes and stared, confused. "Kallian? Is that you?"
"Um... Hello, m'lord?" Confirmed the blushing elf.
An awkward silence ensued as Aeden found himself unable to speak. Maker she's gorgeous, he thought.
"Well?" She inquired, blushing faintly, and looking down at her boots. "I don't look too horrible, do I?"
Aeden's eyes shot up to her face from… wherever they had been wandering in shock. How could she…"N-no! You look...amazing."
Prompted by his stutter, she looked up. Their eyes met in the silence, and for some reason neither was able to explain, both of them were unable to look away.
"I do good work, huh boss?" Interrupted Elle, cutting short the moment. When they still didn't break eye contact, the maid grinned. "Don't you think you should get going?"
"Hm?" Grunted Aeden, having seemingly lost all functions beyond that of a caveman.
Elle's grin only got wider. "You know, the king?"
"What? Oh! The king! Right..." He reluctantly turned away, unweaving the spell that had fallen over them. Kallian gave her head a little shake to clear the cobwebs as she made to follow her employer out of the door. What was that?
0-0
The palace was huge, Aeden had been forced to elbow Kallian in the ribs a few times to stop her from gawking.
"It's so BIG!" she whispered. Once they had reached the royal audience chamber.
"I suppose." Aeden replied in a neutral tone, distracted. He'd seen it before and Highever castle was almost as big. Not to mention he was mentally rehearsing what he was going to say to the king. Kallian realized that was all she was getting out of him and returned to trying to look at everything without acting like a tourist.
After a surprisingly short wait the royal steward, an older man with a ridiculously elaborate mustache and a stiff self important bearing, walked into the room and with his nose in the air.
"The king hwill see hyou now. Hwalk this hway." he announced with an exaggerated upper class accent.
Kallian really wanted to do a 'if I could walk that way' joke but decided it would be out of character for a dalish warrior so instead she concentrated on looking stoic. She recalled the instructions Aeden had given her on the ride over.
"Try not to talk." he paused. "Don't get upset, it's part of your disguise. We're not actually going to say you're Dalish, but you're wearing Dalish armor and carrying Dalish weapons so people will just assume. I think you can pull it of if you don't talk."
Kallian was a bit offended. Was this one of those sexist things again? And here she had thought Aeden was different… "Why can't I talk?"
"Well, mostly because you have a Denerim accent." Aeden shrugged.
"I do NOT!" Sufficiently distracted from her thoughts of female suffrage, she paused in protest, suddenly uncertain. "Do I?"
Aeden smiled, confirming. "You do."
"Oh." Kallian caved. He probably knew better anyway, seeing how he was the well-traveled lord. Instead, she chose to double-check. "Okay… So, just stand around and look tough?"
"Pretty much." Aeden nodded, mind already distracted by other matters.
It sounded easy enough… "I can do that." Kallian affirmed, to a distant nod from Aeden.
They eventually reached their destination and the steward ushered they in. Kallian had to leave her daggers at the door, much to her displeasure
"Greetings your majesties." Aeden bowed and Kallian followed his example. She surreptitiously sized up the royal couple. King Callian was a large handsome blond man with a surprisingly honest face. He radiated an aura of unbridled optimism. She'd heard he was a bit thick, but very keen.
Queen Anora was a different story entirely. She was quite good looking and as blond as her husband but that was were the similarities ended. While Callian seemed honest but perhaps not that bright. The Queen was guarded and had eyes like a fox, full of cunning and guile. Kallian had heard rumors that the Queen was the one who really ran Ferelden and now that she had met the woman in person...Well, the rumors were easy to believe.
Aeden engaged them in small talk for awhile. Kallian let her mind wander. Unbidden the image of Aeden getting out of the bath sprang to mind. He really was quite good looking. For a human, she added belatedly. And what was that moment as we were leaving? Am I falling for him? Before she could continue in that vein of thought she was interrupted by the queen.
"And how are you feeling today Miss Tabris?"
"What?" she answered without thinking. Then all the color drained out of her face as she realized what had just happened.
Oh shit. She thought.
Decided to only change her last name, changed previous chap to match, sorry for the inconvenience.
OK that's enough for now. Reviews are nice so leave one, won't you?