Kiara wears JJ's pelican sweatshirt. No shorts. Her hair hasn't had a brush through it in twenty-four hours. Kiara can only imagine what her mom is thinking. And then JJ walks out of the bedroom in only his sweatpants, shirtless and with hair that matches Kiara's messiness. To make matters worse, when JJ speaks his voice is gravely like he hasn't slept all night. Nothing even happened, but Kiara knows that telling her mother that would not make the matter any better. With how her mother is glaring at them, Anna is acting as if Kiara is straddling JJ. They are all frozen to the spot, with Anna Carrera looking into the living area at a tousled JJ and Kiara. Kiara internally cringes at the sight of her mother's looks.
It's Kiara's own fault really. She left the house without telling either one of her parents where she was going. She just left and headed straight to the chateau without thinking of the consequences. It also doesn't help that she left her phone on the counter in the chateau without charging it all night. She probably missed all of the panicked texts coming through her phone from her over-bearing parents.
"We're going home, Kiara." Anna finally breaks out of the trance, glaring at Kiara. It's a look in which Kiara knows well. Whenever her mother is ready to yell, she puts up a front to get them out of public before screaming her head off at Kiara. It's exactly what happened at Midsummers after Kiara finally went home. They yelled at each other the whole night with Anna yelling that Kiara wasn't allowed to see her 'heathen' friends ever again and Kiara yelling at her mother to stop believing the Kook's gossip about her friends. They often yell at each other until they tire out, with no victors. Kiara goes to argue that she is safe here. She goes to argue that she wants to stay here.
"Now, Kiara. We are leaving." Anna snaps finally, grabbing onto Kiara's arm and pulling her out of the chateau.
Neither talk for the entirety of the journey to the Carrera house. The silence is eerie but both Kiara and Anna are too angry to break the sheet of uncomfortable quietness. Kiara watches out the window as the roads of Outer Banks fade out the broken-down houses on the cut to show the façade of the put together, houses of perfection on the Kook side. The last few years, Kiara has been able to watch Outer Banks change. The cut is getting smaller with houses being destroyed by storms and then demolished completely to make room for more land to go to the Kooks. It won't be long until the whole area is full of fucking Kooks pretending that everything is fine, that there is no poverty and no sadness in our world. It won't be long until the whole entire area is painted over to cover up the lies and greed created by the Kooks.
As they pull up to the Carrera household, Kiara cannot help but scoff at the obvious injustice. The fact that they live only ten minutes down the road from the chateau yet have so much more privilege is not fair. How the chateau runs out of power whenever a storm passes over, but the houses on the Kook side use their generators to power their fucking phones is just another reason why Kiara hates the Kooks. She hates even being associated with the Kooks when she sees how the people on the cut don't live, they just try every day to do their best to survive. And most of the people on the cut don't survive. It makes Kiara feel helpless whenever she is on the Kook side. Even if she is just helping a small dog, at least she is helping something when she is on the cut. And she is not going to give up this fight on injustice.
Anna switches off the power to the car before turning to Kiara. "I knew you weren't at the beach." Anna snaps. "The chateau, Kiara? With him?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kiara knows what's coming.
"I told you to stay away from the cut."
"They're not dangerous, mom!" Kiara won't back down. "JJ is not dangerous." Anna scoffs before taking to the house. On any normal day, Kiara would sit there and wait. She would wait until she knew her mother had cooled off. But today, Kiara wants the fight. Kiara slams the door of the car before storming into the house, following her mother.
They storm into a living area where Mike is sat, reading the newspaper. "Leave your mother alone, Kiara." Of course, her father would take her side.
"No. I didn't do anything wrong and she keeps judging me." Kiara can feel the anger building in her. Angered tears are forming in the corner of her eyes.
"You are sleeping with JJ Maybank, Kiara." There it is. What Kiara was waiting to hear. It makes Mike look up from his newspaper at the two angered girls in front of him. "You may not want to admit it, Kiara. But that boy is dangerous."
"JJ Maybank?" Mike asks, obviously confused.
"And they're playing house with a dog." Anna scoffs.
"Oh my god, I'm not sleeping with JJ okay?" Kiara snaps, losing her cool once and for all. "We're looking after a dog that I found during a storm." Anna rolls her eyes at Kiara, obviously not believing her own daughter. "And so, what if I was sleeping with JJ?"
"Kiara…" Mike begins.
"No. JJ is the only one that is there for me in the way that I want." Kiara hears her mother scoff but she ignores it. "I lost my two best friends and now? We're all there is left." Kiara takes a deep breath to force the tears back into her eyes. "But I'm not sleeping with JJ if that is all you care about."
"We're just trying to keep you safe, Kiara." Mike tries to resolve the situation at hand. But it doesn't work. Kiara hates that they think forcing her to stay away from the cut is the only way to stay safe, even though Kooks are just as bad. No. Kooks are the reason the Sherriff is dead. Kooks are the reason why John B and Sarah are gone. Kiara is never going to be safe.
"If you would have been normal and stayed friends with the kids in your own school, none of this would have ever happened." Anna murmurs.
Anna Carrera is a fucking Kook. The gossip of Outer Banks is always at the tip of her tongue. Now, Anna is using the gossip against her own daughter. The fucking gossip that the Pogues are to blame for everything. Anna keeps talking "If you just stayed away from those Pogues, maybe they wouldn't be dead…" Kiara loses herself completely as she reaches forward to her mother and slaps her across the face. Kiara has ignored every passing comment made by Anna for so long but it hurts when she uses it as a weapon. Anna stumbles back slightly, shocked. "Kiara!" Mike stands at this point, trying to break the two Carrera women apart. Anna begins to cry.
Fucking crocodile tears.
The tears keep coming but Kiara reckons it's just because her mother is worried that Kiara just ruined her perfect face. Kiara hardly hit her but here Anna Carrera is sobbing like Kiara just tried to kill her. Emotions run high through Kiara that she cannot come to regret hitting her. "I'm a Pogue too, mom! If you have a problem with them, it means you have a problem with me." Kiara snaps. Anna keeps crying as Mike watches the scene completely confused. "I'm going back there." It makes Anna stop crying for just a second. "But I'm not coming back until guys get your shit together and stop listening to the fucking gossip."
She expects at least one of them to chase after her as Kiara makes her way to her room to pack a bag up. But no one follows. Kiara is beyond mad at her parents. How could they believe the Kooks over their own daughter- the daughter that saw what happened before Sherriff Peterkin was killed? Kiara doesn't really look at what she is throwing in her bag; her eyes are too filled with angry tears that won't seem to go away. The gossip that she hears from her own mother revolves around her head 'did you know they sunk Topper's boat?', 'his dad ran away. That's why he's died at sea', 'Maybank's mother was a whore. Explains a lot', 'they roped the Carrera girl in, she was probably drugged.' Every day is a new topic of gossip, Kiara is almost certain she knows that herself slapping Anna will be in the news tomorrow.
The bag in which Kiara is packing is almost full with as much as Kiara can throw in. She keeps the thousands of dresses that her mother bought her over the years in the wardrobe. She won't need them anymore. Kiara quickly pulls on a pair of shorts but decides to keep JJ's sweatshirt on. If her parents think they're fucking, Kiara doesn't seem to find any reason to take it off. She hurriedly throws some trainers on and walks down the stairs, wanting to get as far away from her parents as she can.
Her car is still at the chateau so Kiara knows she'll have to walk there. Great.
Today is going great.
She reaches for the door when her dad reaches for her. "Don't bother trying to get me to stay." Kiara snaps, with no interest for another fight.
"I'm not here to fight, Kiara." Kiara looks at Mike confused. Mike looks around almost as if he is checking that the coast is clear. "You could have brought the dog here."
"She wouldn't have let me keep him."
"I would have let you." Mike takes a breath. "And when this blows over, come back with your dog and we'll sort something out."
"And JJ?" Kiara snaps. It wouldn't be fair to take Brownie away from JJ now, even if it meant making nice with her family on the Kook side of town.
"We're not the only people that don't trust him Kiara."
"It's only because you don't know him." Kiara has to hold back her tongue to avoid letting out the secret about Luke Maybank. "I know him and I trust him. I don't get how that's not enough."
"Kiara…"
"No. You're just like her dad; open your eyes and you will see the truth." Kiara decides it's enough and storms out of the house. She doesn't get far before her dad yells after her.
"You work at the wreck every other day, Kiara. I won't tell your mom." Kiara cannot hide the smile from appearing on her face as she walks away. Keeping her job at The Wreck would help, even if it doesn't pay much.
The walk feels long but the further away she gets from the Carrera house, the better Kiara feels. She fiddles with her phone the whole journey. She looks at the texts her parents had sent last night.
Mom: Get home right now!
Sent at 12:45am
Dad: Kiara, where are you?
Sent at 1:56am
Fuck. If she had only read them, Anna would have never come looking for her at the chateau. Nothing would have changed. But Kiara knows that isn't true. Kiara knows that Anna's gossip would have eventually gotten to her and Kiara would have snapped. So, doing it this way, Kiara feels free- finally away from the negativity of living on the Kook side. She also has texts from her dad and a specifically new text that makes her smile.
Dad: I'm proud of you, Kiara.
Sent at 10:37am
Maybe she still has someone on her side after all. Kiara sends back a text and keeps on her way home to the chateau.
Kiara: I'll be at work tomorrow at 10.
Sent at 10:46am
…
At the chateau, JJ goes by with his normal day to day routine. Brownie wakes up sniffing for food. JJ puts Brownie's food down and then afterwards, the two go on a walk. Today's walk is different though. JJ's brain is spiralling with the events from earlier that day. When Anna Carrera came to visit. He thinks how stupid he was to walk out with no shirt on. Fuck. He probably made Anna really angry at Kiara. He should have never even given Kiara her sweatshirt the night before. It's a boyfriend move, not a friend move. It will only make things uncomfortable.
JJ watches as Brownie runs around in the chateau after their walk, with JJ still not being able to shake his thoughts away. What if Anna forces Kiara to leave? What is Kiara really is gone this time? What if it's for the best? The Carrera's have always had an issue with JJ. It all started when JJ was fourteen and showed up to the Carrera house to force Kiara to go to the boneyard kegger with him. His face had been bruised from the previous beating from his dad but when Mike Carrera had asked what happened, JJ jokes that the grocers caught him taking cigarettes and got pretty mad at him. JJ also knows that his name is in a lot of the gossip stories around the Kooks. The gossip revolves around how JJ is an aggressive, dangerous druggy that is good in bed, just like his sorry excuse for a dad. It's why JJ has a mixed reception of working around the Kooks. A lot of the Kook mothers want to know if the gossip is true. JJ is sure the next gossip story is 'JJ Maybank sleeps with Kiara Carrera to rope her into the bad side.'
Fucking Kooks.
He slumps down on the porch with a beer in his hand, looking at Brownie who is murdering another cuddly toy. "Brownie." Brownie looks up with his tail wagging in excitement. "Sit, boy." Brownie hesitates for a moment, almost tricking JJ into believing he's going to do it. Brownie doesn't sit. He turns back to the stuffing of his latest murder. Poor Mr Pigginton. JJ is sure Brownie is just being difficult now, because Brownie knows they really want him to learn to sit. Brownie is not a stupid dog; even if he likes to pretend to be. JJ goes to take another sip of his beer.
"You're just letting Brownie destroy his toys now?" Kiara's snap makes JJ jump, almost making his drop the bottle in his hands.
"Shit, Kie." JJ reacts. His heart is beating so fast at her sudden appearance. She is stood by the door, arms crossed looking at JJ with daggers.
"Seriously JJ it's not even midday and your drinking."
"Well I'm sorry, Kie. I had a bit of a weird morning today." JJ says in a sarcastic tone.
"Yeah. No shit." Kiara doesn't shake her anger as she leans to Brownie and tries to take the toy out of his mouth, only making Brownie think she wants to play tug of war. "And don't worry. My mom won't be bothering us anymore."
The anger in Kiara's eyes are like mini ticking time bombs that scares JJ. JJ knows to try and not say the wrong thing if he doesn't want Kiara to explode. "Why won't your mom be bothering us?" She doesn't say anything as she keeps playing with Brownie. JJ sits up fully and keeps looking at Kiara in concern. "Kie?" JJ pushes forward.
"Can I stay here from now on?" Kiara finally glances up at him.
"What?"
"Let's just say me and my lovely mother had words and now I'm not going back there." Kiara slumps down next to JJ. "And no one can change my mind."
"I wasn't going to try."
"Good. Because I'm done with her bullshit attitude." Kiara snatches the beer out of his hands. JJ goes to joke about her contradicting her own statement but decides against it when seeing the fire still burning in her eyes. "She is so full of shit and still… still believes that John B deserved it. Fuck." Kiara almost downs the whole bottle as JJ keeps watching her, concerned. She finishes the whole bottle before turning to JJ "Well, are you going to say something?" Kiara snaps in his direction.
"Nope. I was just thinking that you've gotten better at downing beer." JJ jokes. It works at Kiara laughs back at him. "And how you stole my beer."
"Whatever Maybank" Kiara playfully jokes. The fire in her eyes is burning out but JJ knows not to push her.
"And how you stole my sweatshirt. I did only mean to give it to you for like an hour."
"You want it back?" Kiara smiles.
"Nope." JJ clears his throat. "Your anger has burnt it anyways." Kiara pretends to be pretended as she pushes JJ against the chair. JJ lets out a breath that seems to come out as more of a laugh. "This sweatshirt got me into a lot of shit."
"And now we're living together."
"Exactly."
"Brownie's not going to like it though" JJ breathes out, oblivious to how close JJ and Kiara have become. "You know, he has fun when it's just me."
"Are you saying I'm the boring parent?" Kiara jokes out.
"No. It's more that you're the mean parent." JJ smirks at her, earning another push from Kiara. She keeps pushing him until she is pretty much leaning completely on him. JJ laughs at her struggles at the playful pushes "Okay, Kie. You're the feisty one."
The porch goes quiet when JJ accidentally lets his eyes wander down Kiara's face. Her smile falls off of her face, obviously also noticing their positions. JJ thinks about leaning forward. Of course, he does. He has eyes that know how to appreciate Kiara. He thinks about the possibility of her giving into a kiss. It's not like it hasn't happened before. JJ wonders if they would fit together better now than they did a year ago. It's not like he could just forget that night. They were there for each other in every way possible. The way they reached pure ecstasy when they needed it the most. But then, JJ thinks of how much of a shit decision it would be. It screwed with them both after they slept together the first time. Now, they can't lose each other. They can't risk it.
Neither of them move. They sit there, just watching each other. Thankfully, Brownie breaks the spell that they find themselves under. Brownie jumps between them onto the sofa. He jumps and licks at both of their faces making them all burst into laughter. "Were we not giving you enough attention, Brownie?" Kiara says in a baby voice. JJ shakes off how cute it sounds to him. "I'm going to live with you." Kiara makes Brownie move onto her life as they look into each other's eyes. "I'm going to live here." Brownie licks at Kiara's face which has the big smile plastered on her face- a smile that only Brownie knows how to create.
…
JJ is in the kitchen when Kiara corners him later that afternoon. "If I'm going to live here, we need to set some ground rules." JJ should have guessed. Kiara loves her rules. The number of fucking rules she created for the Pogues to follow to make sure they all stayed best friends forever were still endless. It shouldn't shock JJ that she wants some rules for them being roommates. JJ on the other hand, hates rules. He hates being forced to not be himself because of a set of rules. It may be because he never really grew up with any clear rules. The rules he followed when he was a child changed every time his dad got high or drunk.
"Why do we need rules?"
"Because I'm worried, we'll end up killing each other if we don't have rules." Kiara looks at him dumbly. JJ just nods, not wanting to fight her clear mind set on rules. "Rule number one- we don't use John B's room."
"Wasn't planning on using it." It's John B's room. It will always be John B's room even if he is gone. "Next rule?"
"Okay. We don't talk about either of our parents. I don't want their shit becoming our shit." Another rule JJ can agree on. He has no interest of ever seeing his dad again, but he doesn't want to involve Kiara if that day ever does come when they meet again.
"Rule number three- whenever you have a girl here, tell me beforehand so me and Brownie can get the hell out of here."
"Wait. What?" JJ snickers slightly. "Why?" Kiara rolls her eyes and gives JJ a 'you know why' expression. JJ smirks. He wants her to say it.
Kiara takes a deep breath "You like it loud, JJ. And I don't want to hear it, okay?"
"You weren't complaining when it was you." JJ jokes but cringes almost immediately realising what he said. God he could be so stupid sometimes.
"And that brings us to the final rule." Kiara continues, ignoring the embarrassing comment that JJ is still cringing about. "We don't talk about that night. Nothing about it. Not John B's disappearance and definitely not the time we had sex." JJ just nods, not trusting his words at the moment. "And it doesn't happen again."
"I think I can handle myself, Kie." JJ says slightly annoyed. It's like she doesn't trust him being close to her and it irritates him.
"I know JJ." She scrunches her eyes slightly "I just don't want things to get weird."
"Then things won't get weird."
…
For the next two months, Kiara and JJ follow these rules tightly:
No going in John B's room…
No mentioning the parents…
No loud guests without warning…
No mentioning that night.
The rules are easy to follow because they try to stick to their own space and go back to the routine that they have been so used to over the year and a bit, where they don't talk about much other than Brownie. The last two months, Brownie has grown again and is almost the size of a normal sized spaniel. The cut on his head shows a phantom line to remind Kiara of his injuries. And, as Brownie's injury heals, so do JJ's.
But Kiara knows it won't be forever. She still is scared of the time that Luke Maybank comes looking for JJ- when Luke Maybank runs out of money or is just looking for anyone to beat up. That is why an argument breaks out between JJ and Kiara when JJ comes home to the chateau one day with a bruised face. "What the hell, JJ?" Kiara shouts at him as soon as he comes through the door. He ignores her, going straight to Brownie and giving him a treat.
"I'm fine Kie."
"No. What happened?"
"Relax Kie, I said I was fine so just drop it!"
"I'm sorry I worry about you JJ." Kiara sarcastically snarls when JJ rolls his eyes.
"Jesus Kie! It's nothing"
"Did you go home or something?" JJ stays quiet and Kiara knows the answer. "JJ!"
"I don't want to deal with this right now." They shout the night away until they both tire out and JJ slams the door of the bedroom.
Three hours go by before JJ comes out of the bedroom. Kiara is lying on the pull-out facing a sleeping Brownie who is lying next to her on the pull-out. His little button nose lets out a loud snore with every breath and Kiara spends the time counting the freckles running along his nose. Kiara imagines Brownie dreaming of running in the meadows. Kiara wishes her dreams are as innocent as Brownie's dreams seem to be. Her dreams are still filled with high waves crashing into the Phantom. She keeps watching Brownie sleeping as JJ drops down onto the pull-out the other side of Brownie. He lays on his back and stares up at the ceiling. Kiara tries not to look at him. She doesn't know if she could look at his injuries again.
"I didn't go home, Kie." JJ breathes out. For a moment, Kiara isn't sure if she actually heard him say anything or not but then JJ continues. "I saw him getting involved in a deal. I tried to step in but then walked away with the bruises." God Kiara hates this. How helpless she feels every time she hears about the hell that one man can have on JJ's life.
"I'm sorry, JJ." They keep their voices down to try and not disturb the sleeping Brownie in between them.
"Why are you sorry? I'm the one that got into a fucking fight."
"Only to try and help your ass of a dad."
"Still a fight."
"I don't care." Kiara feels the bed move as JJ turns to look at her. "You shouldn't have to get into fights for him. You don't deserve the crap he puts you through." JJ nods subtly at Kiara but Kiara knows he still doesn't believe her. "Can we make a new rule?"
"Another rule?" JJ gives Kiara a fake smile making Kiara roll her eyes.
"We always tell each other where we are. No exceptions." Kiara doesn't know who needs this rule more: her or JJ. She knows that she needs to know that he isn't going to almost get killed. Kiara has seen JJ hurt too many times and every time Kiara feels hopeless. She doesn't want to feel helpless anymore.
"Well you know me, Kie. I'm pretty good at sticking to the rules." JJ jokes making Kiara laugh.
"You're the worst you know that, right?" Kiara sighs. "You laughed about my Pogue rules the whole time."
"If I remember Kie, both John B and Pope admitted to being in love with you which breaks the whole no macking on Pogues rule."
"But then we slept together so…"
"You made the first mood there." JJ laughs. "But John B kissed you so he definitely broke that rule." Kiara cringes at the memory of that kiss. God it was weird. "Actually, John B is the only one that broke the rule. Because you kissed Pope."
"Are you insinuating that I have broken the rule the most?"
"I think that's what you're insinuating actually."
"Not my fault people keep kissing me."
"As I said, John B was the only one that kissed you. Even though he's probably the only one of us that you actually wanted to kiss."
What?
Kiara leans up slightly to fully look at JJ over their Brownie. "What's that supposed to mean?" JJ looks away quickly and shakes his head.
"Nothing. It's nothing." JJ clears his throat and sits up in the bed. What just happened? "This is breaking the 'no talking about that night' rule." JJ awkwardly stands up and walks onto the porch, leaving Kiara extremely confused. Sure, once upon a time Kiara had a crush on John B. But it can't come to that much of a surprise. John B was the one that introduced her to the Pogues and sure Kiara had dreams of John B introducing Kiara to the Pogues as his girlfriend. But that was a short-term crush. After her Kook year, Kiara saw John B as something like a brother. It's why Kiara was shocked when John B kissed her.
The sound of Brownie's snores fills the empty room again as Kiara tries to work out what exactly just happened. Why JJ brought up John B and Kiara's kiss. Kiara can hear a loud thumping as she tries to work out if it is her heart in which is beating so fast or if it's Brownie's heart. She pretends it is Brownie's heart as she reaches forward and starts to stroke the stray hairs on Brownie's ears. Over the last two months, Kiara and JJ have been continuing to walk Brownie every day, the only difference is that Brownie can now run. Fast. Much faster than both JJ and Kiara. Because Brownie is still struggling with the sit command, catching up to the running pup can be hard. JJ normally does the running. The last two months, Kiara has also learned how JJ is clueless when it comes to what dogs are allowed and what they are not allowed. Kiara ended up putting a list on the fridge of all the foods Brownie is allowed and there are big red crosses to show JJ the foods that could kill Brownie. The last two months have worked well for Kiara and JJ with them taking turns using the bedroom, unless they have hook-ups planned. Which are becoming less common.
…
"I want us to all wear these." Kiara says to the thirteen-year-old Pogues in front of her. She holds out three bracelets. "I made them."
"When did you get in the bracelet making business, Kie." JJ jokes. Kiara looks at the thirteen-year-old and tries to avoid staring at the massive bruise on his neck.
"Since I wanted us to all wear matching bracelets."
"We're girls JJ, that's why." John B adds to JJ's joke as Pope laughs at the three friends stood by him. It's the day after JJ is released from hospital after he broke his arm when he fell off a Kook roof. Kiara wanted to make sure they all were smiling so got to work making matching friendship bracelets. She knows they will wear them forever. "You will wear them, right?" Kiara pleads.
"Of course, we will Kie." John B grabs the bracelet from Kiara and puts it around his wrist. Kiara smiles back at him.
They have only been friends for a few months, but Kiara knows that this is it. This is the only group of friends that she will ever need. JJ and Pope follow their leader John B and put on the bracelets. "Pogues for life." John B puts his hand in the middle of the group. The all follow suit as Kiara looks down happily at their wrists presenting the four matching bracelets. The four bracelets for the four Pogues.
Kiara quickly realises that this is just a memory. They are no longer the four thirteen-year-olds promising 'Pogues for life.' Waves appear before her eyes as she watches the Phantom go into the storm with his true love Sarah Cameron- someone she was planning on making a new bracelet for.
The waves are building around the Phantom. The fear is evident in the eyes of John B and Sarah. An army of water spills onto the deck of the boat and pulls at Kiara's best friends. It doesn't take much for the tsunami to take over. They struggle against the waves but they are not strong enough. They are not strong enough to fight against a colossus storm. They are not strong enough to fight against being swallowed up by the water.
The water pulls them until their struggling bodies hit the water like a tonne of bricks. They both find themselves submerged in the water before they are able to scream for help- even though no one is around to hear them.
And then it all goes quiet. The waves still as the bodies of Sarah and John B sink to the bottom of the water. They are gone. Beads float to the top of the water. The friendship bracelet destroyed by the storm, no longer highlighting the importance of 'Pogues for life.' Because there are no Pogues without John B. There is just Kiara.
…
Unlike other nightmares, Kiara doesn't wake up with a need to scream. She isn't drenched in sweat from the fear of the night. Instead, Kiara feels her cheeks wet from tears flowing from her eyes. The promise of being a Pogue forever was something that Kiara needed back when she was thirteen. She never really thought that the same words would be so needed now, six years later. She looks down to her own friendship bracelet that she has been wearing ever since that day. It's tattered and worn out but Kiara knows that she can't get rid of it. She doesn't even take it off.
Her tears keep falling and she cannot hold back the loud gasp of air that she lets out, trying to calm herself but it only makes her cry louder. Kiara creeps out of bed with a need to know if John B kept his. Maybe he took it off but kept it here in the chateau. Maybe it isn't lost at sea just like his body. Kiara is careful to avoid the creaks of the floorboards as she makes her way down the corridor to the room opposite where JJ is sleeping calmly. A sound comes from behind Kiara and Kiara knows straight away that Brownie is following her. She hushes the pup and continues until she reaches the door, holding her breath to avoid her cries waking the sleeping JJ.
The door is stiff as Kiara uses her entire body to break it open. Dust escapes the dark room in which hasn't been open in over a year. Kiara steps into the dark room and immediately regrets it. The ghosts of Big John and John B- father and son both lost at sea- creates a cold effect in the room. Her whole body is shaking as she looks around the room filled with so many memories. She can still see John B waking up from the bed and stretching before going to wake the rest of the Pogues. "Morning Kie." His voice rattles around her mind and she can't shake it. "You're my best friend, Kie." She can't stop the tears now. Kiara stands in the middle of her best friend's bedroom, fiddling with the bracelet around her wrist whilst she shakes uncontrollably.
"It's not fair!" Kiara yells to the memories of the room. "It's not fucking fair!"
Her sobs get louder and louder until she finds herself struggling to breathe. It's not fair on any of them. "Kie." It's a different voice that makes her miss a breath. She turns to the door and sees JJ stood watching her. It only makes her cry louder. He steps closer into the room and Kiara feels a rush of embarrassment, she woke him up. "I'm…" Kiara can't finish her own sentence as another sobs comes out of her mouth.
"Kie." He repeats, staring at her in concern.
"I… I can't stop" Kiara tries take a breath but her tears won't let her. She can't breathe. "I..."
"It's okay, Kie." JJ motions to move closer, making sure to keep his space. "You're okay." JJ goes to touch her but changes his mind at the last moment, knowing Kiara hates being touched when she's upset. "You need to breathe, Kie." She can't. Her breaths are getting shorter and she is struggling to control anything.
She ends up looking around the frantically but it only causes her breaths to get shorter, with the memories of John B. "Breathe, Kie!" Concern floods in JJ's eyes as his warmth is felt by Kiara without the two actually touching. Still out of control, Kiara feels as her legs almost give up on her. She gives in and throws herself at JJ. JJ doesn't wrap his arms around Kiara for a moment, obviously shocked by her actions. As soon as Kiara cries into the crease of his shoulder, JJ wraps his arm around her waist. Kiara cries and cries gripping onto JJ as her lifeline. "Please Kie, just breathe." Kiara feels JJ's warm breath on her own shoulder. His voice breaks slightly indicating that he is crying as well.
"Count with me, Kie." JJ speaks into her shoulder, trying to remain strong. Kiara whimpers but nods into his neck. "1, 2, 3…"
"4, 5, 6" Kiara joins in, feeling her breathing start to return to normal. She hiccups every number and her chest hurts with every number but it's helping. She isn't letting go of JJ and JJ isn't letting go of Kiara.
"7, 8, 9…"
"10." They repeat the numbers, still tightly gripping to one another with JJ's hand gliding up and down her spine. Kiara hates feeling weak. It's why she hates being hugged when she is upset, always telling the hugger that she deals with it on her own because she doesn't need the help. But here she is clinging to JJ. And her breaths are returning to normal. "I get them too, Kie. The nightmares." JJ whispers to her. All Kiara can do is nod and lean her head further into his neck. Kiara thinks back to the ways in which have calmed them down before, remembering very clearly the stories JJ tells to Brownie when he is upset.
"Can you… tell me one of Brownie's stories?" Kiara whimpers into JJ's neck. She hears JJ clear his throat before feeling the nod.
"Once upon a time, there was this group of friends. The Pogues. John B was the leader. Pope was the brains. The boy was there to provide a joke here and there. They were out surfing one day when the weather was roaring. The waves were high but they were great surfers. The ride a nice wave when they spot her." Kiara begins to smile, feeling the tears beginning to calm in her eyes "Kiara Carrera. Stood on the beach with a board in her arms. She was looking at the waves with wonderous eyes, as if she had never seen waves before. Pope fell from his board straight away whilst John B and the boy ride another wave right up to the shore. She smiled at them; her smile was pure when most people on the island glare at them with disgust. She quickly became a Pogue. John B brought the girl into the group of Pogues. She is the demanding Pogue." JJ snickers at the last comment making Kiara punch his side playfully. "No. She's the Pogue that they didn't even know they needed." Kiara catches her breath for a completely different reason this time. "The end." JJ finishes.
Kiara takes these words to lean away from the crack of his neck. Kiara keeps leaning into him, until their foreheads are touching. Her heart is beating for a different reason as she looks up at JJ. His eyes are dark, with an obvious crystal overlay showing he's nearly in tears himself. His touch is soft as she feels his fingers stroking her waist. She feels a pull towards JJ as her heart beats faster. She goes to lean into JJ and close the gap but he steps away from her. She already misses his warmth. "We shouldn't be in here, Kie." All Kiara can do is show a confused nod. JJ takes her waist and helps move them both out of the room. "You should take the room." JJ awkwardly murmurs before walking to the pull-out where Brownie is watching them, concerned.
It takes Kiara a few moments before she makes her way into the bedroom. It takes Kiara a few moments to realise that she just broke her own rules. And she wants to break more of them.