It has been a month since John B and Sarah came back from the dead. It has been a month of awkwardness with them staying to themselves to avoid arguments whilst still being in the chateau with JJ and Kiara. Whilst JJ is okay with just moving on from the argument, Kiara is not. For the last month, Pope has become the owl between Kiara and John B. JJ is shocked every time Kiara scoffs at John B. She has always been the quickest Pogue to move on until now.
JJ understands- he really does. But it's John B. His brother. His brother that he thought was dead only just over a month ago. John B is there every time JJ has to yell and he is there for everything that JJ asks. JJ became the broken boy when John B and Sarah died but it's as if a band aid has been stuck across the breaks knowing that they're back. That they didn't die.
So, JJ just forgives them.
JJ forgives John B.
The month has counted down the days to today, JJ's birthday. JJ's birthday is something that he normally hides from the Pogues. He would say that he was working or he was hungover from the night before. He would always make an excuse to make sure that they didn't ask questions when he turned up the next day with a bruised eye or a limp to his step or a cut down his arm. As his birthday was always the day where his dad made a much more direct hit at JJ. He never understood why it happened on his birthday. But every time, JJ would wake up and have to deal with his dad being extra precise with his hits and making sure to not drunkenly collapse like usual before JJ begged him to stop. The last few months have been different, but JJ can't help but remember the past.
His thoughts are interrupted when he feels light kisses travelling up his neck. Kiara is pressed up against him, in the same position they fell asleep in. JJ still can't believe that his dreams became a reality. How could someone as broken as JJ be with the most sexy, coolest girl in Outer Banks (read: the world)? JJ keeps his eyes closed as Kiara smirks into his neck, kissing his neck with a bit more need. "Not subtle, Kie." JJ says, his voice gravelly from the morning with his eyes still shut.
Kiara leans further forward, catching his lips with her own. His brain almost explodes entirely as she climbs to straddle JJ. "Birthday, morning sex. Really, Kie? I'm twenty-three now."
"I never promised anything about sex." Kiara smirks before moving to his neck once more. JJ feels as her fingers fiddle with the hair on the back of his neck. God, she knows him.
"You say that but…" JJ leans back to joke but she cuts him off.
"Do you want me to stop?" JJ just shakes his head before sitting them up to get better access. It makes her smile as JJ leans forward to kiss her. "Happy birthday, JJ." Kiara gets out still against his lips.
Happy Birthday, JJ.
They are the words that used to be only said with a malicious undertone before a fist hit him. Kiara's words have a completely different tone to the words spat by his dad. Luke's words, JJ is sure he never wants to hear again. Kiara's words he could hear over and over again and not be able to stop smiling.
Kiara keeps smiling as she moves to lean her forehead against JJ's forehead. JJ is sure that his smile is the same as hers. Kiara shifts closer on his lap until their noses are pretty much touching, testing the boundaries to see who will win their game. With all the drama that has come from John B and Sarah coming home and Rafe being arrested, JJ is happy that neither Kiara nor JJ have run away but have tried to stay close to one another. "What do you want?" Kiara seductively whispers making JJ almost give into her game straight away.
"One track mind, Kie." The game must keep going. Kiara just rolls her eyes.
"Shut up, JJ." Her response is just like any response during a game.
"You know I am more than just sex."
"Then push me away."
Of course, JJ doesn't push her away. Instead, JJ pulls Kiara closer to suck Kiara in. He doesn't care about winning the game when Kiara is his opponent. They are so close that when JJ falls back down, Kiara is pulled down with him letting a small laugh out. "What do you want?" Kiara breathes against his lips whilst JJ fiddles with the material of her shirt. It doesn't take long for Kiara to shove off her shirt and then return to him. "JJ?" Kiara manages to say.
"Kie?"
"What do you want?" Kiara says in between kisses, slightly breathless just like he is. He just pulls her back to him and runs his hands through her messy, morning hair.
If they could freeze in a moment, JJ would choose this moment exactly. Sure, the Pogues are falling apart. But he can't help but be selfish with all that he has in this one moment.
"Marry me." JJ says against her lips. Stupid. What the fuck was that? His words come out before he can even think of what to say. He hopes she didn't hear what he just said but Kiara quickly sits up, pushing JJ back to the bed. "Shit. Kie. I didn't… I'm…" JJ is stuck for words.
It's all because of her goddamn dad. It's been a month since Kiara's dad joked about Kiara and JJ getting married. The words played on JJ. JJ has never thought about marriage ever in his life. It's not something someone from the cut would do if it wasn't for pregnancy. Because, why would someone like Kiara- a Kook at birth- marry a Maybank- the scum of the Cut? But her fucking dad goes out and gives permission? Sure, it was a joke. But he can't stop thinking about it.
The words had slipped out of his mouth without even thinking about them. "What did you just say?" Kiara is still sat on his lap, but she looks down at him with complete shock.
"Kie." A nervous laugh escapes JJ. "Can we just…" JJ motions zipping his mouth "Zip? And move back to…" JJ tries to pull her back down but Kiara is quick to push him back down.
"JJ."
"Kie. It's… I said nothing. Okay?" JJ watches as her eyes flicker back and forth before she looks away from him. "It's fine, Kie. I don't know why…" Stupid, stupid, stupid. That's why he said it. JJ is fucking stupid.
"Just shut the fuck up for a minute, JJ." Here it goes, she's about to completely embarrass him. "Did you mean it?" JJ can't help but be embarrassed as he cringes at how quickly he pinks up.
"Kie…"
"Did you mean it?" Kiara's voice gets louder. It makes JJ stutter even more. But he knows he won't win this war. JJ hesitates but eventually nods at the raging girl above him.
"Y… yeah I meant it." JJ has never been stunned for words. That is, until now. One wrong move and she would be gone.
He can't read her face. She is still on him, which must be a good thing. Maybe they could just forget about his fucking stupidity and move on. "Ask again." Her words are soft that JJ thinks he's imagining it.
"What?"
"Ask me again, JJ." She finally looks back at JJ. There is no humour behind her expression. JJ cautiously moves to sit up when Kiara doesn't push him back down this time. When he sits up, he moves one of his hand to her waist to make sure she doesn't fall over and moves his other hand to her cheek. Her hands remain pressed against his bare chest.
"Marry me, Kie." Their eyes connect and JJ realises how serious he is. And he's not scared for once in his goddamn life. Her eyes flicker as a small smile appears. Not everyone would notice the smile, but JJ does. And JJ smiles back which makes Kiara nod.
"Okay." She puts simply.
"Okay?" JJ's still not sure if she's just playing with him. He needs to know but he is cut off by Kiara planting a soft kiss onto his lips. It tells him everything he needs to know.
…
Kiara is not like other girls. Most other girls that Kiara knows would spend years dreaming about the perfect proposal, the perfect wedding and the perfect life. Kiara has never thought about it before. It's why she likes being friends with boys. The Pogues would never talk about the girly crap that Kiara was bored of during her Kook year. The only time that marriage ever came up in the Pogues was when they made fun of John B being hopelessly in love with Sarah or when Pope thought he met the one. Never was marriage a serious topic for the Pogues- Kiara included.
That is why it shocks Kiara when JJ mutters those words out. It's why Kiara needs to make sure that he isn't just joking, like JJ normally does. But it becomes very obvious that this isn't a joking matter.
The fairytale that many girls dream about is their own true love getting down on one knee in front of the sun setting down at the beach. But Kiara is not one of those girls. Until she hears JJ say those words, Kiara thinks she is going to be one of those girls that don't get married. But, as soon as JJ asks her, she knows her answer without having to think about it.
When she kisses him, Kiara is sure that this is what all those girls say they want to feel. She kisses him to give her answer, answering with the emotion and love behind a soft kiss. Because, neither of them are really articulate when it comes to talking about their feelings. It makes them, them. When he smiles against her lips, Kiara can't help but try and continue what she had started a few moments ago. JJ doesn't seem to object as he throws Kiara over so he is on top and begins to kiss down her almost naked torso. "Happy Birthday to me." JJ jokes against her abs as Kiara rolls her eyes.
"JJ." Kiara breathes out, impatiently.
"Already begging my name, Kie? We're just getting started." He looks up at her and Kiara can see the humour behind his eyes. But this is JJ and she can't help but buck up at his delicate touches. He keeps looking at her with dark, blown out eyes as his hands reach down to her night shorts and he kisses just above her waistline. It makes her lift slightly, trying to not break eye contact.
Making up for lost time.
It's what Kiara keeps trying to tell herself when she asks herself why she has such a pull towards JJ. They have known each other for years but found out late that they were in love. So, they are just making up for lost time. She just knows that all it takes for either one of them to be in the right mood is a simple touch. A simple touch and it's game on. Heat feels the room as JJ keeps teasing to go deeper. She can feel his hands teasing to pull at her shorts.
He goes to move them off of Kiara but is pulled to a sudden stop by the sound of people swinging their bedroom door open. They both jump making Kiara accidentally push JJ onto the floor when he lets out a soft "shit." as she looks to the door to see Sarah and John B stood looking at them. "What the fuck?" Kiara manages to shout as she covers herself with the sheets.
"I did knock." Sarah tries to reason.
"That doesn't mean you can just walk in!" It keeps happening. JJ and Kiara keep being interrupted or walked in by the other Pogues and it is getting on Kiara's nerves.
JJ stands up awkwardly before trying to make his way to the door. "No." Sarah snaps at him, blocking JJ from leaving the room. He looks just as flustered as Kiara feels. "You're not going anywhere. You guys are going to talk through your shit."
"What?" Kiara scoffs but Sarah just pushes John B into the room. "No. We're not talking."
"Yes, you guys are." Sarah snaps making both Kiara and John B roll their eyes. "Pope is waiting for you guys in the living area where you guys will get your shit together and stop being moapy about each other." Kiara wants to argue, but no words come out. "Now man the fuck up and become the Pogues again." Kiara watches as Sarah scoffs before making her way out into the living area, before yelling back. "And happy birthday, JJ."
"Yep. Thanks." JJ is still shirtless but filled with embarrassment. Kiara kind of wants to laugh.
She has to be pulled out of the bedroom by JJ to talk to John B. Kiara likes to think that she is normally the first Pogue to let arguments between the Pogues go. But this is different. It reminds her of her fight with Sarah. They both broke her trust and left her out of the biggest events of their lives. The others may be able to move on from this easily, but Kiara can't. She can't forget that for almost five years, she thought John B and Sarah were dead. Dead. And they didn't do anything to make Kiara think otherwise. She had to spend the five years having nightmares every night as she watched her boyfriend have even worse nightmares. They both blamed themselves for John B and Sarah's deaths. Kiara can't help but be angry with the fact that whilst JJ, Pope and Kiara were stuck with nightmares, John B and Sarah were alive.
Adding to her anger over the disappearance, John B had the nerve to judge Kiara and JJ. Judge that they broke the fucking rules that none of them have ever kept. Why can't he just be happy for her? Kiara learned to be happy with John B and Sarah.
In the living area, Pope is sat on the pull-out with Brownie as John B is leaning over the table. She knows they need to sort it out, but she can't shake the anger. Kiara rolls her eyes when John B looks at her. She would run away, run back to the bedroom but as she turns, JJ blocks her way and pushes her further into the room. "We need to sort this out, Kie." Pope the mediator speaks as JJ joins him on the pull-out.
"I'm not apologising." Kiara snaps.
"Neither am I." Of course, John B won't fucking apologise which Kiara scoffs at. Why couldn't he just admit that it hurt them? Sarah admitted straight away and apologised. "I didn't do anything wrong, Kie."
"You left us and then didn't tell us that you were alive." Kiara lets out an annoyed laugh. "Oh, then you came back to yell at me for breaking the fucking rules."
"Kie…" JJ warns.
"No. He needs to hear what he has fucking done." She doesn't mean to yell at JJ but she cannot shake her anger. "We went through hell, John B! And those two idiots may have forgiven you, but I can't. Not until you see how much we hurt for you." She can't fight the tears from forming in her eyes. It's all because of him. John B dies and then she can't keep her emotions under control. "Five fucking years, John B. Did you know that in all that time, we couldn't go in your room without breaking down?"
"No. I didn't know that."
"We couldn't even talk about you without falling apart." Kiara wipes away one of her tears before continuing. "You were gone and we couldn't do anything about it."
"I can't change the past, Kie." John B steps forward. "I'm sorry but I don't know what to do! I can't change anything other than keep telling you that we're here. I'm not dead, Kie."
The words soothe her. It reminds her that even when her anger gets the better of her, they didn't die. John B and Sarah are alive. And Ward is in jail. Rafe is being questioned. Everything is going to plan. Her rage is only small in the midst of the bigger picture.
"And we're Pogues, Kie." John B smiles, seeing her breaking her angry persona. "Pogues are for life."
"Pogues for life." Kiara breathes out before smiling at John B. John B moves closer to Kiara before doing the Pogues handshake. Maybe everything can go back to normal.
"Pogues for life." Pope repeats.
"Yep Pogues for life and all that shit." JJ quips in. "But can we stop this weird Kooky intervention session and be Pogues again. Get drunk or high and fucking live our lives?"
"You're 23, dude." Pope speaks up.
"And still young." It makes them all laugh because it's the Pogues. And Pogues could never fight forever.
With it being JJ's birthday, the Pogues decide to celebrate Pogue style. On a Pogue's birthday, the group go out on the Pogue into the marsh and spend the whole day drinking, dancing, fishing and swimming until one of them has to throw up. It's an unspoken tradition in which the Pogues partake in for every birthday. Normally, it would be the four of them but this year, they are joined by Sarah and Brownie- but they're really Pogues anyway.
They are all lying on the Pogue with a beer in their hands when Kiara thinks about the last time that they did this. The last time they had a traditional Pogue party was on Kiara's eighteenth birthday, about a month before the gold hunt began. Kiara was the last to turn eighteen and the rest of the Pogues kept making fun of the fact. They kept joking 'Finally, baby Kie reaches adulthood.' And JJ would joke 'you're getting old Kie.' That was five years ago. And now they are all turning twenty-three and still pulling the same crap they did back then.
"This isn't as fun now it's legal." JJ mutters before taking a sip of his beer.
"It's called growing up, JJ." John B pipes in.
"Try it some time, JJ." Pope joins in making Kiara laugh. It's as if those years didn't even happen. That the Pogues hadn't almost fallen apart.
"No thanks, Popey. I'm alright not being a grandpa like the rest of you." JJ sits up before reaching into his bag to pull out an already rolled joint. It confuses Kiara where he even got it. "Who wants a hit?"
"Dude you're twenty-three!" Pope laughs out.
"And I already told you today, I'm still young." JJ reaches into his bag again and gets his lighter. The same lighter that he has always had. His name is even engraved into the side of the lighter.
"JJ." Kiara breathes out just like she always has when he gets his lighter out.
"Relax Kie."
They spend the entire morning day drinking and talking about the shit from their lives- reliving the past Pogue adventures and telling stories about the last five years. The boat is filled with laughter and light-hearted quips at one another. They play drinking games as if they are still the young teenagers they were when they started this tradition. It doesn't take long for the group to get tipsy- no, Sarah and Pope are drunk. "I'm borrowing Brownie tomorrow!" Pope slurs out.
"Dude, stop stealing our dog." JJ laughs. Pope has been having sleepovers almost every night with Brownie, calling himself Uncle Pope whenever he is around the pup. Even on the boat, Brownie is happily sat between JJ and Pope. Kiara feels a jealous peng that she is not Brownie's favourite nor second favourite Pogue anymore. "Zoey likes the dog."
Of course, he is using the pup to get the girl. Zoey has been hanging out with Pope ever since they hooked up at New Years. She is the literal girl version of Pope in every single way possible. "Pope. You don't need Brownie to impress her." Kiara sits up when Brownie hears his name and comes running to Kiara, jumping all over her. "Just be yourself."
"But Brownie makes it easier." Pope hiccups out. "Brownie's the best. You… you two should get another dog!"
"No."
"Not a chance." They love Brownie, they really do but he's a lot of work for just two people. Brownie will be there only dog.
"They don't want another dog before they have a kid." Sarah slurs out. It makes JJ and Kiara freeze. "Oops I said that out loud." She hiccups.
"Yeah, you said that out loud Sarah." Kiara and JJ just laugh it off. Everyone has been drinking. It doesn't mean anything.
"Money on Sarah being the first to throw up?"
"I'll take that bet." John B joins in.
They dance and swim for the rest of the afternoon, Kiara feeling the effect of the alcohol even more throughout the day. Kiara keeps her mouth shut, trying her best to not say anything about what JJ said this morning.
It has been five years since Kiara has been deep in the water. Her nightmares were always about drowning that she was always afraid that they would come true. With John B and Sarah being back, the fear has disappeared. Kiara and JJ jump into the marsh water when the sun makes their clothes stick to their bodies. They look back to the boat to see Brownie looking over the side, whimpering after them. The water is calm and refreshingly cool to contrast the heat from the burning sun. It's nothing like the water that used to surround her nightmares. She leans her head back to wash the heat away from her hair but is pulled back by JJ. She screams before realising who it is. "You scared the shit out of me JJ!" Kiara tries to sound angry but places her arms around his neck as JJ holds her in the water.
"Scare easily, Kie?" His words are filled with laughter but his eyes hold an intensity that Kiara recognises from that morning.
"Maybe." Kiara tries to joke but can feel the intensity in her own eyes.
"You meant it, right?" Kiara knows what he means straight away.
"I meant it JJ."
"Good." Before they can say anything else, JJ pulls Kiara closer catching her in a kiss.
God, she means it. If this is a glimpse into her future, she is looking forward to it. The birthday traditions. The jokes between the Pogues. JJ being there with their pup watching them, missing them. In the kiss, JJ mutters against her lips "My Mrs." It makes Kiara shiver as JJ goes to deepen the kiss.
"Get off." Kiara quips before pushing JJ under the water which only makes JJ pull her with him.
Small touches continue until Kiara forces herself to sit on the opposite side of the Pogue from JJ to stop herself from jumping on JJ at any given time. She watches as JJ laughs at Pope's drunken act of walking on a tightrope. His smile lights his entire face up, dimples going deep into his cheeks. His eyes are bright as he moves to playing tug of war with Brownie. When JJ leans his head back, Kiara can't take her eyes off his overstretched neck. It's as if she is hypnotised just by looking at JJ. She struggles to sit still when JJ runs his hands through his wet hair before looking towards Kiara. Her heart skips a beat, Kiara is sure of it. And she is sure that her heart is beating so loud that they must hear it as JJ walks over to her.
Kiara tries to not look at him. She really tries. But when he sits next to her, Kiara can't stop glancing towards him. "What's wrong?" JJ eventually whispers to her; Kiara almost jumps at him just from his voice.
"Nothing." Kiara tries to act put together. It doesn't work as she can feel JJ's eyes looking her up and down. It makes her even more fidgety that she already was.
"Pretend to be sick?" JJ smirks, obviously noticing why she's so fidgety. Kiara turns to look at his intense eyes.
Kiara quickly turns to the rest of the Pogues. "Let's go to the Wreck." It's better than just saying she's sick, she reckons.
…
So, they move to the Wreck and find a table outside. But Kiara doesn't sit down, she stays stood and ends up making a lie about going to the bathroom as she pulls JJ into the Wreck with so much need. They make their way quickly through the Wreck, trying to find the bathroom.
She needs to not be interrupted for once. She needs him. More than anything. Kiara keeps tugging at JJ, trying to look inconspicuous to the other customers at the restaurant. It almost works until they reach the door next to the kitchen when her mother walks out.
It has been a while since she last saw her mother. "Kiara." Kiara tries to ignore her as Kiara tries to pull JJ along with her closer to the bathroom. "I hear you've been working here so it means you must have forgiven your dad."
"I was never mad at him." Kiara sighs, realising she won't let her past.
"I'm sorry Kiara. Your father has made me see that I was wrong."
"Whatever."
"Just forgive me Kiara so we can move on." Her voice is stern. "Please. Your birthday is in less than a month and I want my daughter back." Kiara just nods, trying to find the end of the conversation so she can get back to JJ who is stood next to her awkwardly. "I want to do something for your birthday, Kiara."
"Whatever, sure." Kiara says just to get Anna to move. It works.
"I'll see you then Kiara." Anna almost smiles. "and JJ." Her smile disappears before walking away.
Kiara doesn't think about what just happened with her mother as she pulls JJ into the single lock bathroom. As soon as the door is shut, Kiara is clawing at JJ's t-shirt as she forces him onto the wall. "Getting too old for this, Kie." JJ laughs before taking his t-shirt off.
"If you want me to stop…" Kiara doesn't finish her sentence as JJ traps her against the wall in a searing kiss.
"Don't you dare stop." It makes Kiara smirk before she feels his lips on her neck.
It doesn't take long for JJ to lift Kiara up and pin her against the wall. It doesn't take long until they are as close as they can be when JJ makes Kiara gasp for air. Kiara should be embarrassed. A quickie in her dad's restaurant? It's a horny teenager move. As his lips find hers before their breaths become one, she doesn't feel embarrassed at all.
It is making up for lost time.
When they are finished, JJ can't wipe the smile off of his face as they make their way back to the group. Kiara may not be smiling, but she is feeling the same way as JJ for sure. "Shut up, JJ." Kiara whispers quietly enough that the distant group don't hear her.
"I wasn't the one that pulled you into the bathroom for a quickie, Kie." JJ whispers back before kissing her cheek.
The group are all laughing at something when JJ and Kiara reach them. As soon as they get there, the group look up at them stopping their laughing as they look them up and down. Kiara knows why. JJ's t-shirt is twisted and his hair looks like it has been pulled in different directions- in which it has. Kiara looks no better. She can feel the hickey forming on her neck that she is trying to hide using her hair.
They make their way to sit down on the bench, Kiara leaning forward to steal a fry but the rest of the group keep looking at them in shock. Even Brownie is looking at them. "Kie?" Sarah breaks the silence.
"What?"
"Your shirt is inside out." Sarah's words make Kiara burst into embarrassment as she turns to a laughing JJ. "Wow. You two can't keep your hands off of each other!" Sarah erupts into laughter as Pope and John B make gagging noises and John B throws a fry at JJ.
"I'm going to throw up." John B jokes.
"Wait until you walk in on it, man." Pope adds making Kiara roll her eyes.
"Okay. It's not like we're going at it like bunnies."
"I've caught you two five times." John B gags again whilst shaking his head.
"JJ? You going to say anything?" Kiara turns to JJ, trying to take the pressure off of herself but he just shrugs.
"When you're good…" JJ smirks.
"That's predictable." Kiara rolls her eyes.
"Don't worry Kie, you're good too." JJ adds making Kiara cringe as Pope and John B turn green.
"Stop, JJ."
"Just stop."
"Relax, guys. They're in love." Sarah tries to defend them, but her laughter breaks through and soon all of them are evoked with laughter.
…
The Pogues. JJ's true protection. The group of people that are so alike yet so different at the same time. JJ can't help but feel safe when they are all laughing at some random shit. And now, they are all back together again. For the first time in JJ's life, he feels untouchable.
But all good things must come to an end.
They have been at the Wreck for an hour when Shoupe shows up. JJ's laughter dies straight away. Just seeing Shoupe makes him think that he's in trouble even though he hasn't done anything at all. To try and not cause any further trouble than what is already there, JJ leaves the group before any of them notice Shoupe.
Because, Shoupe is there for JJ. Not any of the other Pogues. He's the trouble in the group. "I promise, whatever you think I've done I haven't done it." JJ approaches the Sherriff.
"You haven't done anything JJ." Shoupe has never said those words to JJ before. He has always done something in the eyes of the law- in the eyes of the Sherriff. "It's about your father."
The words sink JJ. Luke Maybank hasn't been seen for months. JJ hasn't seen him since he told him to stay away. JJ hasn't seen the monster since he cursed away all his demons.
"He's dying, JJ." Shoupe's voice is filled with sadness because (just like everyone on Outer Banks) he doesn't know how Luke is a true villain in all of JJ's stories.
"What?"
"Your dad had a stroke and he's in the hospital. He won't make it JJ. I'm sorry." Even with all the pain that Luke has brought to JJ, JJ still feels the sudden need to cry for his dying father. His monster is dying.
"Why are you here to tell me?" JJ asks.
"I thought you should know. His stroke came from a suspected overdose." A sigh comes from the sheriff. "You should go and visit him before it's too late."
Go and visit him? The monster that beat him and made him feel worthless every day for eighteen years? JJ should just scream out that it's his fault that JJ can't sleep at night, it's Luke's fault that he uses aggression as a defence mechanism. It's Luke's fault that JJ's mother is dead. It's Luke Maybank's fault! But as much as everything is Luke's fault, it is also JJ's fault. An overdose. Did JJ leaving cause it? Were JJ's last words to his father the final push? 'I won't be like you', 'I won't be scared of you any longer'.
He thinks about going to see him. He would be sober and with doctors and nurses around so he can't get to JJ. He wouldn't be able to hurt JJ. As JJ walks down the dock, he thinks it over and over again. Maybe Luke will apologise as his last dying words escape. Maybe Luke will tell JJ that he wasn't a useless son of a bitch- that he loves JJ. The words are just empty thoughts, though.
Even if Luke would say JJ is worth something, Luke has spent twenty-three years making JJ feel like he is nothing. So, JJ can't bring himself to go to the hospital where his sick father is dying. Because, dads don't behave like his father does. Luke Maybank is just that. Nothing that JJ needs in his life.
JJ does however stop at the house in which he used to call home. It is littered showing how Luke lived without JJ being his abused maid to clean Luke's shit up. The porch is cluttered with empty pill and beer bottles as well as tools. Luke's only prized possessions in life.
JJ remembers his eighteenth birthday, a particularly bad day at the Maybank residence. JJ remembers telling Luke it was his birthday and feeling so happy when Luke said 'Happy Birthday, son.' He remembers feeling hopeful that his dad maybe could still be normal. But something must have been said because after he said those words, he had grabbed a wrench and wacked JJ across the jaw stuttering JJ back. JJ remembers his hands on JJ's throat as JJ struggled to breathe. He remembers how Luke kept hitting him until JJ fell back into the glass coffee table and how he kept spitting 'Happy fucking birthday.' When JJ came back into consciousness, he hid in his bedroom for the rest of the month- only coming out on Kiara's birthday. He told the Pogues he fell off the roof.
As JJ walks into the house though, JJ remembers seeing his dad before he stole the Phantom. JJ remembers worrying that he would have to fight Luke to get the keys. But he didn't have to fight. He remembers as Luke told him all the things that he had always wanted to hear including those three words 'I love you'. Of course, JJ knew even back then that his dad wouldn't remember saying it. And none of it mattered after Luke realised JJ took the Phantom.
The floor is sticky from the alcohol spills that his father has never cleaned up and even more pill bottles line the living area forcing JJ to remember the amount of times that JJ would have to lie to a doctor to get the pills for his father- how many times JJ would have to deal with the drug dealers to spare his father paying. Those memories enrage JJ as he looks around the room a final time before picking up an empty bottle of beer and throwing it against the wall.
Any happy memory that may have lived between the walls of this house are blanketed by the memories of his dad beating him. JJ grabs another bottle before throwing it again. Glass shatters as soon as it hits the wall bringing the memory of his dad throwing a bottle at his mother forward. JJ throws another, this time a memory of Luke hitting JJ over the head with a bottle comes to mind.
JJ keeps throwing bottle after bottle, trying to get every memory out of his head. It doesn't work. This place is plagued with memories that JJ doesn't want to remember but is forced to. He eventually tires himself out as he looks around the house, seeing broken glass mixed with the empty pill bottles and paper thrown everywhere. A mess. His dad. Something that JJ can't become. JJ walks to the door, looking one more time at the place he used to call home.
"Goodbye Dad."
…
JJ disappeared from the Wreck, and Kiara still doesn't know where he went. She waits at the table hoping that he'll come back, but he doesn't. She worries that she said something, or one of the Pogues said something that made JJ run away. Kiara keeps having to remind herself that JJ is not like that anymore, JJ doesn't run away anymore.
Kiara remains calm as she makes her way back to the chateau. It isn't until she notices the blond boy in the hammock that Kiara finally lets out a breath that she doesn't know she is holding. Kiara wants to storm over there, demand to know where he has been. But, when she watches him, the anger disappears.
On the hammock, JJ is laying with Brownie on his lap. Melancholy is painted on his face as he watches the waves in the water. Kiara hesitates but eventually moves towards the hammock, seeing his pale face with tear stained cheeks. "Where did you go?" Kiara calmly asks, making JJ jump slightly before looking at her.
"I had to go home." It shocks her. He promised he wouldn't go home again. What changed?
"JJ…"
"My dad's dying. He's in the hospital, Kie." JJ doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve having to hear his dad is dying and having to feel torn over how to react.
She doesn't know how to respond. Luke is the man that had hurt JJ over and over again and never got punished for it. And now, Luke gets to die before facing his day in court. It's not fucking fair. Instead of saying anything, Kiara climbs into the hammock with JJ moving Brownie slightly so she can also lean on JJ. Kiara leans her head on his chest as she feels JJ's arm wrap around her and his chin find his seat on her head. Brownie licks at her knee, obviously annoyed at being moved in the first place. She holds onto JJ, hugging him to prove that he is not alone in this. That there is someone that loves him.
"I won't be like him, Kie." JJ lets out the strangled words, making Kiara lift her head up to look at JJ.
"You could never be like him, JJ." She may have to say it a million times, but she doesn't care. As long as Kiara can make JJ believe in those words, she won't stop saying them.
'They want me to visit him." JJ's chest jolts at a hiccup as Kiara keeps watching him with comforting eyes. No. He can't break over this fucking man again. Instead of arguing the case, Kiara leans up and kisses JJ.
"Let's not talk about that right now." Kiara comforts JJ.
So, Kiara makes JJ forget about his monsters. She eventually leads JJ off of the hammock and doesn't stop until they reach the bedroom. Small kisses are what he needs. She whispers in his ear at every move 'I love you.' He needs to hear it. Because that is what JJ longs for. Love. And he will never get the love from his dad but Kiara won't let him forget about the love he has in his present and what he will have in his future.
The next morning, Kiara wakes early and goes to the living area. Kiara finds John B already making breakfast in the kitchen. They make breakfast and joke about the rest of the Pogues and everything feels normal once more. It's like having her brother back in her life- the brother that she thought was gone. At one moment, John B asks "Do you love him?"
"Yeah, I do" Kiara quickly replies.
"Good. Because even if I don't get it, you're good for each other. I'm sorry I didn't see it before."