Chapter 11: Sweet Dreams Rue

Hope is a curious thing. It can fuel you, solidify your will to fight, and go on. But it can undo you just as fast. So how do you go on when all hope is lost, Katniss doesn't know. She knew from the very start that there was no hope for Rue, and her heart already broke once, watching her small face appear on the screen when she was on the train to the capitol. But that didn't stop her heart from shattering all over again as she cradles the tiny fragile body to her chest. It might not hurt as bad if she never actually befriended Rue or if she didn't include her in their little scheme, but she did, so now she must bear the consequences of her decision, the grief and the guilt.

"Shhhh, it's okay Rue, you are going to be okay," Katniss whispered these words repeatedly to the small girl in her arms, willing her to believe it, but she couldn't even fool herself. The words sounded empty to her own ear, promises of a tomorrow that would never be fulfilled. There is no hope for Rue, nor is there any for her either, because she could feel it now, her will and determination, draining away from her.

"Katniss, please sing?" Her voice is quivering from the effort, the sphere has impaled her abdomen and even breathing hurts, but she used her remaining energy nonetheless and asked for something that her mom used to do for her and her siblings at night. Something she's been missing terribly since she boarded the train. Something that will remind her of her mother's warm embrace in her last moments. So it doesn't matter that they are out in the open without any cover, Katniss obeyed instantly, as if she could understand the things that were left unsaid, and begins to sing the melody that she sang to Prim every night.

Deep in the meadow

Under the willow

A bed of grass, a soft green pillow

Lay down your head and close your sleepy eyes

Her voice is choking up now and the song becomes fragmented phrases, as she watches Rue's usually bright eyes take on a glassy look.

Here the Daisys guard you from harm

Here your dreams are sweet

And tomorrow brings them true

Here is the place where I love you

Katniss is pretty sure she sounds horrid right now. She chose the tune because it always helps Prim sleep, even after a bad dream and she wants the same for Rue now, but she couldn't help the burst of cries that breaks through the comforting rhythm of the song. It hurts to even look at Rue's innocent face, but she forces herself to keep the steady eye contact, because it is the least she could do for her now, to watch her go. And she's glad she did because otherwise, she would've missed Rue's last words, her voice muddied by the gurgling blood in her throat, "You have to win this Katniss, please."

But try as she might, she couldn't stop her will to fight slipping away from her at a faster pace now, as the heat dissipates from the small body in her arms. What is the point of winning, if she has to carry with her the burden of 23 sacrifices so she may live? How could she go on with the knowledge that she could not save the ones she loved from the Capitol's twisted grip, not Peeta, and not Rue? She feels utterly and completely lost.

It is the sound of the hovercraft in the distant air that broke her out of her trance. The hovercraft! Katniss is reminded once again of her surroundings, hovercrafts come in after the gong sounded, signaling the death of yet another tribute, to collect the body. Looking up from Rue's angelic face, she sees Marvel's crumpled form. Even death cannot assuage the hatred she feels rising in her chest as she lays eyes on him, she can't allow them to take away Rue's body with her killer, it just isn't right. So she got up, still cradling the tiny body and begins her trek to a place where daisy can guard the small girl in her arms, dreaming the sweetest of all dreams.

She went through the motion of each day like a zombie, doing just enough to survive past the day. The game is no longer on the forefront of her mind, gone along with that, is the desire for sponsors. She doesn't give a damn that she's not putting on an interesting show for the audience anymore, fuck the audience, oh, and while she's at it, fuck the capitol too. She lost count how many days its been since she parted with the dreaming girl lying atop of the bed of flowers she arranged. It's a wonder the game makers left her in peace for this long and she is certain the only thing that will break the monotony of her days is her death, something that the game makers will just have to eventually orchestrate since she's essentially holed up inside the cave she's found so she could mourn in peace hours after she saw the hovercraft picked up Rue. And when that time comes, she will accept it peacefully.

Almost as if to prove her wrong, Seneca Crane's voice echos through the arena, announcing an upcoming feast. She didn't care at first, but almost as if hearing her thought, Crane's voice continues and announced that each remaining district will receive something they desperately need, be it food, medicine, weapons or the will to live, and she knew she cannot stay out of it. The will to live, what else could it be but something from home, or more specifically, from Prim. Only she has the power to give her the will to keep fighting even when all she wants to do is give up. It's the thought of Prim's sunken eyes and hollowed out cheek from hunger that drove her to seek survival in the woods all those years ago and it will be Prim again that drives her to fight and kill in the game now. Even if she is to die, she wants to be reminded of her little duck once more before she dies. Damn Seneca Crane for figuring her out like that, but it's an offer too good to let go.

When Cato heard the announcement of the feast, he wasn't exactly thrilled. Sure he wants a lot of things right now, for one thing, he wants a new weapon to replace the once lethally sharp sword he wields. He would also like body armor for another if he wants to come out of the much-anticipated fight between him and Thresh rather unscathed and face fire girl in the finale. Yes, his almost sure that this year's finale will be down to the two of them, the two favorite of the capitol audience, it will be the height of the drama this year, he just knows it. The dramatic flair of it all is Seneca's favorite, no doubt in that. It would also be his chance to prove to Snow his worth, not that he particularly wants to gain Snow's appraise, but if he wants to accomplish what he netted out to do when he volunteered, he desperately needs to appease to Snow's good side.

However, more than a better weapon and armor, he needs food, food that he is sure he would be denied as a punishment for his past mistake. Maybe they would put a portion for one in the parcel for Clove, but he wouldn't receive such generosity. He wants to resent fire girl for it, resent her for his current predicament, resent her for the hunger that's gnawing at his insides. But he can't, because she didn't ask for the target Snow placed on her back as much as he didn't ask for the damn mission to terminate her. But here they are anyway, volunteers of this deadly game.