Oh my god, thank you all for reading this story. It has been an emotional ride for me with finishing this but I do hope that you enjoyed it. I am already in the midst of writing the next story but if anyone has any advice or prompts, I would love to hear.
Yet again, thank you all so much for reading.
"Brownie!" Kiara shouts after the puppy as the six-month Brownie runs around the chateau with a sock hanging from his mouth. All Kiara wanted from the day was peace. She wasn't expecting to have to chase the puppy around. But here she is. "Brownie. Give me the sock!" No use. Brownie keeps running around the chateau. "Sit down, Brownie." Running around, Brownie doesn't even stop to listen to Kiara.
That sock is a goner. It has to be because there is no way that the six-month old puppy will ever listen to a word that comes out of Kiara's mouth. The only way to get Brownie to do anything is to win him over with food. So, that is exactly what Kiara does. Sure, she tells JJ off every time he gives any food to Brownie, but it's the only way to stop Brownie from indulging in socks for breakfast. "Here Brownie, chicken!" Kiara crouches down to his level, innocently smiling to try and trick the pup.
"Chicken is on the list, Kie." JJ struts out of the kitchen, holding a bottle of water.
The list was created as a way for Kiara to be sure that JJ wouldn't give the dog anything poisonous. Because Kiara is not entirely sure that her best friend will know how to look after anything other than himself.
"Yeah, I know." Kiara shrugs into his direction but keeps her eyes on the stubborn Brownie. "I am going to trick him. He will drop the sock thinking that he is going to get the chicken."
"Mean. That is too mean, Kie."
"Well, I can't give him chicken, JJ." Kiara stands up to face JJ, giving up entirely on the puppy. "As you said, it is on the list of forbidden foods."
"Just let him have the sock then." He chuckles into his drink. Classic move from the nineteen-year-old Pogue.
"He can't have the sock!"
"Then get him to give you the sock."
"No! Brownie doesn't listen to me unless I have food in my hands." Her anger only boils as his laughter grows. His stupid laughter. JJ loves to laugh and it makes Kiara boil every time. Because it's JJ that is always trying to get a reaction from Kiara and now it's only them two Pogues left. JJ's laughter and Kiara's boiling has only grown over the past few months.
Kiara rolls her eyes at JJ's laughter, just like she has always reacted. Sometimes, Kiara wonders how things would have turned out if she didn't find Brownie on the same day that JJ returned to the chateau. Would they even be friends? Or would they still ignore each other, avoiding the awkwardness from sleeping with each other? Kiara is thankful for Brownie. Because it's Brownie that has kept them together and let them see that the awkwardness was only there because they both knew that sleeping together was a stupid, reckless idea. Never to be repeated.
Her own thoughts are interrupted when the spaniel runs to Kiara, reaching and jumping at her hand, knocking the piece of chicken from her hands. "Shit!" Kiara shouts, reaching down to try and pull the chicken from Brownie's mouth.
"Go on Kie, get some food and make him drop the chicken."
"Shut up, JJ." Kiara snaps whilst losing out to the puppy that quickly swallows the piece of chicken. Kiara rolls her eyes when Brownie starts wagging his tail. The fucking dog won. That puppy won.
"Hey, at least Brownie dropped the sock!" JJ jokes. But Kiara doesn't find it funny. Not even slightly.
It is as if it is Brownie and JJ against Kiara. Maybe it's because they are together through every second of every day whilst Kiara is forced to go home and sleep in her own bed. Maybe it could all be different if Kiara just moved into the chateau with them. But Kiara is sure that if she moved in here, everything would change. Kiara and JJ would change.
It's hard to see a future where Brownie is trained and dropping the socks for Kiara or JJ. It's even harder to see the future where Kiara and JJ make everything work out- provide a home that Brownie deserves. But in this moment as JJ fusses Brownie whilst Brownie sniffs around the floor as if looking for more chicken, Kiara knows that they can give it a try. They can try to give Brownie everything that he deserves, even if it goes against the list of foods that Brownie is allowed/not allowed to have.
…
"Brownie boy." Kiara cries out to the old pup that is laying at their feet. His eyes flicker from his obvious pain. They know it's time. It's the inevitability in life that neither Kiara nor JJ can ignore. "Let's just go inside." Kiara manages to squeak out. JJ just rubs her back as if he is trying to soothe her in any way possible. Pain fills them both. The pain that they have to do this to avoid Brownie being in pain. Because they will go through hell for this pup if it means that Brownie stays safe and comfortable. If they leave it for a few more weeks, anything could happen to Brownie.
"Kie…" JJ stutters through his heavy breaths.
"Everything is going to be okay." She doesn't know who she is talking to. But they all need to hear those words.
When Brownie tries to walk with them onto the porch, his stiff legs don't let him move. His grunt breaks Kiara's heart making her almost break down into more tears. JJ must notice as well because JJ just goes to Brownie's level and scoops the pup into his arms. He cradles Brownie as if he is scared that Brownie will break. Kiara hears JJ sniffle before they move Brownie into the chateau to find any sense of comfort.
JJ gently places Brownie onto the pull-out before laying down with him. Kiara lays the other side, both of them sniffling as they stroke Brownie's back. "So, how does this work?" JJ breaks the silence first. "I never got Pope to read those pages."
"We get an appointment, take Brownie and they put him to sleep." Sleep. It's then that Kiara thinks about Henley and Sawyer because for the last few months, sleep has been the reason why Brownie is never playing with them. Sleep. The daunting reality that he will be put to sleep for the final time and that Henley and Sawyer will never see Brownie again. None of them will see Brownie again after their appointment with the vet.
Kiara knows it's inevitable. And it's how life works. But now it all feels so real. Kiara is no longer looking at the last few months or weeks or even days with Brownie, she may be looking at the last few hours with him.
"Henley wanted to go on adventures with him." JJ cries out whilst turning to look at the ceiling.
"I know."
"And she wanted the fucking boat to sail with Brownie." He adds, tears running down his face. "And now they may not even get to say goodbye." Kiara doesn't even want to think about that. She doesn't want to think about how they will have to break Henley's heart by telling the truth that Brownie is not coming home. That Brownie is gone. "All she ever wanted was to go on one fucking adventure with her best friend."
Tears bubble in Kiara's eyes because she can picture it- she can picture Henley and Sawyer running around on a treasure hunt with a dog following their every step. They would sail around Outer Banks and understand what it means to be a Pogue. Pogues bring light when there is nothing left. Sure, Pogues have little to no money, but Pogues will always have each other. Kiara can picture it all. Kiara can imagine Henley driving the boat into the sunset whilst Brownie hangs his tongue out of his mouth to try and catch the clouds. Because neither of them are scared of the growing waves. It would be an adventure where fear is just a word.
But that adventure can never come. It's too late for another adventure for Brownie.
And Kiara and JJ will have to work together to break their daughter's heart. Just the words will make the fearless Henley see what happens in life. The cruel life that they have to live because they can't change what needs to happen. They can't freeze time to go on another adventure and sail around the entirety of Outer Banks. "No." JJ breathes out, making Kiara turn to face him. Kiara just watches as JJ stands to his feet whilst looking around the room frantically.
"Where are you going?" Kiara sits to watch JJ move closer to the door.
"Henley and Sawyer come home in the morning. They deserve the chance to say goodbye."
"JJ…"
"They need this Kie!" Kiara knows JJ too well to understand the words between the lines I need this Kie. "Just let me have until the morning, okay?"
Loss. It has never come easy to JJ. Kiara knows that JJ has never really ever been given the opportunity to say goodbye to anyone. JJ's mom left without a word. And when it came to JJ's dad, JJ was better off never seeing his face again. The storm that they thought to have taken John B and Sarah made sure that they never were able to say goodbye. Even when Kiara bolted from the Pogues to the Kooks, Kiara didn't even say goodbye. Maybe JJ needs this more than Kiara even knows. Maybe JJ needs the closure of a farewell to Brownie.
"Okay." Kiara nods when she sees the desperation in his eyes. She expects him to say something or to thank Kiara or to just sit back down on the bed and hug up to Kiara and Brownie on the pull-out. But JJ doesn't break down. JJ just walks out of the door like a man on a mission. He doesn't even look back to Kiara to tell her where he is going.
…
"Brownie I am sorry." JJ jokes out to the two-year-old pup whilst Brownie sits on the ground in front of Kiara. "I am sorry that Kie is a monster that loves to torture you."
"Oh my god, JJ." Kiara just rolls her eyes, knowing that this is just a joke to JJ.
"Look at him, Kie. He is hating every waking second of this."
"Well, at least he doesn't groan as much as you do."
"You just love to see our pup in pain."
"What?"
"You better not hurt my boy."
"Oh my god! It's just a haircut JJ." Kiara shakes her head before focussing again on the job at hand.
Brownie's hair has become so long that it is beginning to mat into his eyes. Kiara needed to do this haircut before Brownie lost any sense of vision. So, Kiara made up her mind and decided that Brownie needed the haircut. Today. Brownie's tail remains still as Kiara concentrates on the scissors in her hands.
"It's not just a haircut though Kie. This is a cut of his manliness. His hair made him who he was and you are cutting that away." JJ mocks whilst circling around the chair that Kiara is perched on behind Brownie.
"His hair was matted and needed a cut!" Kiara tries to argue against his mocking.
"She really is mean isn't she, Brownie." Kiara can't help but roll her eyes, even if his smirk is plastered onto his face.
"Well, whatever JJ." Snip at Brownie's hair as Kiara ignores the mumbling from the two-year-old pup. "Just know that you are next." When Kiara smiles up at JJ, she notices how his smirk has slipped from his face. His face is flustered with fear. But Kiara will win this. JJ needs a haircut just as much as Brownie does. "You do trust me, right?" Kiara snatches his smirk to wear it on her own face.
Trust has been the name of the game ever since Kiara and JJ started dating a month ago. Trust in each other and the understanding that neither of them are going to run away. Trust has never been easy for neither Kiara nor JJ. But it's what they need to get good at if they are to ignore the awkwardness that could fill the silence.
"Trust you?" Kiara almost chuckles when JJ's eyebrows knit together, as if they are working their hardest to find the joke in the situation. "Only been dating for a month and I trust you enough to tie me up and make me the sub to your dom. Because well, you really hate those stereotypical bullshit gender norms." JJ laughs, only making Kiara breathe out impatiently.
"JJ." Kiara warns.
"But I will never trust you with my hair, Carrera."
"You're such an idiot. Now just sit down." Kiara pushes Brownie away and can see how his tail starts moving as soon as the scissors move away from his fur. "It's your turn."
"No. Never. You can't torture me as well. Brownie, get her. Stop her from taking me!" JJ moves to jokingly hide behind the dog.
"Oh my god, stop being such a baby. You need a haircut, okay?"
"No. You're not cutting my hair." JJ stretches back up, showing off how serious he is. But Kiara is not backing down.
"Fine. Then I won't sleep with you again." Kiara crosses her arms and waits for the inevitable. It's as if she can read straight into his mind because it doesn't take long before JJ sighs in annoyance before plopping down onto the floor in front of her.
"You play dirty."
"I wasn't about to lose out to you, Maybank."
"Just remember that you want it just as much as I do."
"Only in your dreams, JJ." Kiara laughs out before taking the scissors to his hair.
"Always in my dreams Kie." She rolls her eyes and concentrates on his hair. She knows JJ so well that she doesn't need to look at his face to know that his iconic smirk is back. "You're always wearing my pelican sweatshirt that you steal from me leaving me half naked. And then you get on your knees in front of me and plead for what I know you want the most. I know exactly what you want and I know exactly what you need."
His words make Kiara stutter because JJ knows Kiara too well. They have only been together for a month and JJ knows every aspect of Kiara already. It's as if they have fast-tracked every honeymoon stage of getting to know each other and have landed straight on being perfect for one another.
…
"Brownie, where did he go?" Kiara breathes into Brownie's fur as soon as JJ leaves the chateau. He will probably only be gone for a couple of hours. This is probably all just becoming too much for JJ. The truth is too much for JJ. JJ is a kid at heart. He always has been. So, it shouldn't shock Kiara that JJ will need a lot longer to understand that saying goodbye to Brownie is the only way to make sure that Brownie is comfortable.
Life has a way of taking people into crazy directions. Just looking around the chateau proves this. Because the chateau shows the story of how life brings two people together to create something that is out of the ordinary for two normal Pogues.
Kiara doesn't follow JJ into the darkness settling outside. She just stays on the pull-out, stroking Brownie's fur. This may be one of the last moments Kiara has to properly say goodbye to the pup that changed her life for the better. So, Kiara smiles at the pup whilst looking around the chateau. Kiara smiles at the toddler gate that is still separating the kitchen from the living area. She almost laughs at the memory of JJ trying to work out how to unlock the gate the first time they had put it up only a few days of Brownie being in their lives. JJ had sworn the chateau down whilst getting his fingers caught in the contraption and Kiara couldn't help but laugh at him. It's the gate that Brownie had found a way to climb over when Kiara and JJ weren't looking. He kept climbing it over and over again until JJ and Kiara had decided to give up and keep it open. It's the gate that stayed open every day until Henley came into their lives. But it didn't take long for Brownie to start teaching Henley all of his tricks.
The rug catches Kiara's attention next. Because it is the rug that has been in the chateau for as long as she knows. The rug that she can imagine Big John buying so that the damp floor doesn't make John B and the rest of the Pogues cold. Kiara remembers the days in the chateau where the Pogues remained gathered around the laptop watching some crappy movie. Kiara and Pope always ended up on the floor where Kiara fiddled with the ends of the material. But it's not Kiara that had destroyed the rug entirely. No. The loose threads pulling out of the destroyed blanket are the signs that someone has been in a destructive mood. And Kiara can't even tell who it was. Brownie always loved rolling around on the rug but Henley's blanket always finds its way onto the rug. Either of them could be guilty. But Kiara can only smile into Brownie because it's just another sign that the chateau is a home.
It's a fish shack. A place for people to hang out when it is raining. A temporary living space for people that really need a roof over their heads. Everyone around Outer Banks would see the chateau as a dump. But it's Kiara and JJ and Brownie that have made it so much more than that fish shack that John B and Big John lived in.
Just looking around the chateau shows everything to Kiara and makes Kiara focus on the good memories with Brownie rather than focus on the truth of the next few days. The chateau will never be clean, even if Kiara spends hours upon hours trying to clean it. And it's not their fault. A dirty home shows a happy family. With toddler toys mixed in with dog toys that are scattered on the floor. The remains of fluff from one of Henley's toys that she innocently let Brownie play with only a few months ago. Clothes are hanging haphazardly on the chairs from when the family came running in from the rain. It's the mess that can never go away. Not when every part of the mess came from fun.
But it's not just the obvious signs around the chateau that show positive memories of becoming a family. Kiara likes to focus in on the details. Like how their fridge is now scattered with Henley and Sawyer's drawings and the photographs from Sarah and John B's wedding that Sarah forced Kiara to be in. And it's in the corridor where pictures used to show the story of John B and Big John. There even used to be a photograph of John B's mom. But those photos are not there any longer. The corridor walls are scattered with memories. From the first time they took the pup Brownie on a walk where he was introduced to the waves to the first time Sawyer met Brownie. Brownie is a predominant part to what makes the chateau a home.
The little signs around the chateau would not be possible without Brownie being there with them.
As Kiara looks around the living areas, she sees how these little memories also show the world that you don't have to be perfect to find perfection. It's the pull-out itself that makes Kiara's heart flutter in every possible way. Because here on this pull-out was where JJ and Kiara first came together after they thought John B and Sarah were dead. Here on this very pull-out where they spent hours trying to get Brownie to know his own name. On this pull-out is where JJ and Kiara have been put through hell because Kiara can't forget that time where JJ found his gun or the times where Kiara was scared shitless over her endless months of being pregnant. Her heart beats even louder when Kiara looks out onto the porch to see the bench that Kiara and JJ had spent hours sat side by side counting until they found a way to silence the nightmares.
There are two common factors with all these little memories that makes Kiara smile. The first one being that Kiara was never alone. Whether JJ and Kiara were just awkward friends, or in the middle ground of something else, or dating, or even married to the matter of fact; Kiara always had JJ by her side to make the memories sweet. The other common is Brownie. Brownie has always been by Kiara's side even when she yelled at him for just being a dog. Brownie makes the memories what they are and that is what Kiara has to hold onto. Because if they had never found that pup underneath the porch, the photographs hanging in the corridors would looks completely different. And Kiara is very fond with the present photographs.
And even when new photographs are hung onto the wall to show off the new, sweet, little memories, Kiara will always look back at Brownie and know that it was all worth it.
…
"Brownie. Here you go." A four-year-old Henley shouts out as she skips over to the pup that is sat down pleading at Henley. For the last few minutes. No. Hours, Brownie has been begging and begging for the opportunity to play with Henley's favourite turtle toy. He shows his sad eyes to Henley and Henley knows that she will give in eventually and give the toy to Brownie. She is just like her mom like that. She will give into anyone that looks sad. "Your turn to play with Ocean." Henley sits down next to Brownie before giving Brownie Ocean the turtle over to the pup.
His eyes glow as he tugs at the toy, playing by shaking his head in excitement with the turtle hanging from his mouth. But Henley knows, dogs use their mouths to show when they love something. And Brownie really does love her turtle. And Henley loves Brownie so of course Henley will share her toys with him.
If Henley and Brownie are going to go on a big adventure together, they are going to have to learn to trust each other. Henley's dad always says that trust is really important. And Henley trusts Brownie with her toy in this moment. Brownie gallops around Henley's bedroom with the toy hanging from his mouth and his tail wagging back and forth- another thing that Henley knows is a sign that Brownie loves the turtle. Henley stands up and jumps up and down whilst laughing at the pup in front of her. Brownie always finds a way to make Henley laugh.
"You've got to look after Ocean, okay?" Henley tells Brownie as soon as he stops running around her room. Henley goes to his level to make sure that he understands. Henley thinks he understands.
"Henley." Henley's mom calls when she walks into the room. "Why does Brownie have Ocean?"
"Daddy always tells me to share my toys." Henley shrugs, remembering her dad's words. Because it is really important to share- especially when it came to her friends or her baby brother.
"Yeah, share your toys with Sawyer. Not the dog." Henley watches as Kiara goes to the dog's level to take the toy away.
"He won't hurt Ocean. He just loves Ocean."
"Yes, but he may destroy your toys." Henley just shrugs at her mother's words. Because Henley isn't sure she would stop Brownie even if he did try to pull apart her toys in the same way he has done so with so many other toys. Her bunny rabbit toy lost her ears the first week after Christmas when Henley got the toy from Father Christmas himself. Henley's doggie toy lost his tail but Henley can't blame Brownie for playing with a toy that looks just like him. Henley has always had to be really careful when it came to her toys with either Sawyer steals the toys or Brownie chews them limb from limb. But this turtle is different. Henley can tell that Brownie is going to be really careful.
Brownie is always careful when it comes to Henley. And Brownie knows that the turtle toy is really important. Henley knows that Brownie would never do anything to make Henley cry. Because Brownie hates tears. Brownie is the one that always finds a way to keep away the tears and keep Henley happy. Happiness comes from Brownie. And Henley knows that wherever Brownie goes, she will always follow.
So, Henley argues and argues until Kiara finally backs down and lets Brownie share Ocean with Henley. Because sharing is important and even if it may be hard to share with Sawyer, Henley finds it easy to share with the pup.
…
Brownie is lying on the porch when Kiara and JJ come back to the chateau after picking up Henley and Sawyer. Neither of them can hold anything back when they see him. JJ listens to Kiara's breathing speed up as she tries to keep back the tears. And JJ is no better. His eyes sting but he knows he has to be strong. Because it all comes down to this. Because it's time for them all to say goodbye to their saviour- their pup. No. Their Brownie.
Just like she always does when she sees Brownie, Henley skips over to him before jumping and hugging him tightly. Her face remains bright when she nuzzles into his fur. JJ's mouth threatens to show a smile but something stops him. Instead, JJ turns to look at Kiara who is looking back at him. It's something that Kiara and JJ have become really good at- silent conversations. He knows what her eyes are saying and all JJ can do is let out a stuttered breath and nod at her silent words.
'We need to tell them.'
JJ goes to their level whilst scrunching his eyes together to try and stop any uncertain emotions from exploding. "We all need to talk." JJ softly speaks.
"Okay." Henley's innocent voice makes JJ let a tear roll down his face. Because it's the innocence that JJ never wants to break. But the future is inevitable and JJ can no longer keep it silent, keep it locked inside him for it never to escape into reality.
A ringing makes JJ feel sick but he pushes through, standing strong with Kiara by his side. He doesn't even know what he says himself, he just can feel his mouth moving and can see how the light on Henley's face gets darker. It's the ringing of the truth. The ringing that doesn't go away even when he looks at Kiara's mouth moving whilst she strokes the pup that is in the middle of this conversation. JJ just watches with his ears ringing, making sure that JJ doesn't hear any word that comes out of their mouths. He watches as Kiara hiccups through her tears and tries to fight the storm to remain strong in front of Henley and Sawyer. Kiara has always been strong- even if JJ is the only one that can see it. It's the mix of Brownie and Kiara that make JJ strong but here on this day, they need more than strength.
Brownie rests his head in Henley's lap whilst Henley keeps her eyes down on the pup in front of her. Sounds jumble together which makes JJ wonder if the ringing is just in his own ears. Maybe the ringing is real. Maybe the ringing is the way to try and block out any feelings. But feelings win overall. JJ cries with them and he can't hold back when Henley eventually looks up, her eyes puffy and red. "No. Brownie is just sleepy. Brownie likes to sleep." Henley shakes her head ferociously, just like JJ did when he tried to ignore the thumping of the truth.
"We need to learn how to say goodbye Henley." JJ tries to back Kiara up, but his words hardly come out at all. Tears beat words.
"Goodbye for today but not goodbye forever!" Henley shouts out with the same stubbornness as Kiara.
"Henley. It's time for us to say goodbye." Kiara tries this time.
"No!" Tears flood Henley and it's times like these that JJ feels the pain. Because she is only five years old. She is hardly old enough to understand what life really means but here she is, trying to understand what happens when life comes to an end. "I don't want to." She clutches at Brownie- the pup that has always just let Henley jump on him at any time.
"Brownie boy!" Sawyer laughs out, obviously not understanding like Henley.
They are too young. They are too young to see the darkness that life has to bring. It's not fair for them to see what happens and it is not fair that they have to learn to be okay with whatever life throws at them. Death is so depressing. JJ has never been able to say goodbye or to even look back on their lives with fond memories. But death can't be as depressing for Henley and Sawyer. They don't deserve to feel the pain that life threw at JJ before Brownie and Kiara found him.
Death will not destroy their innocence.
When JJ stands up, he can feel Kiara's confusion burning into him. But he is a man with no plan, just like usual. This time however, he needs to find the light that he has been so bad at finding for himself. "JJ?" Kiara questions, wiping away her tears.
"One more walk on the beach. Brownie always loves to swim. So, we should say goodbye where Brownie feels content. Should we take Brownie to the beach, Hen?" JJ tries to smile at his daughter just to try and fight that war with her tears.
"He's not strong…" Kiara starts.
"He's a Pogue. So, we'll find a way to make him strong."
Dog. Pogue. Saviour. Destructive bastard. Best friend… Family. Brownie deserves everything even if life wants to throw him down and kick him.
It's the same beach that they first took Brownie to all those years ago. The beach that is too far away for any of the stuck-up Kooks and too quiet for all the Tourons. It's the beach of the Pogues. It's the perfect beach for Brownie.
On a normal day, Henley would take either Kiara or JJ's hand and pull them towards the sea completely forgetting about sunscreen or to check where the other parent is setting up. But this day is completely out of the ordinary. Because Kiara keeps a hand on Brownie's back as JJ carries him onto the beach before letting Kiara set up camp. Sniffles can be heard from them all. JJ isn't sure if it is him or Kiara or Henley or even Brownie himself. But as soon as the blanket is laying on the sand, they all lay down together and watch Brownie's movements for every breath.
"Why can't we say goodbye to Brownie some other time?" Henley stutters out as she lays down next to the pup.
"Because we want Brownie to be comfortable when we say goodbye." Kiara manages to explain, keeping her tone calm but strong. It's the Kiara that JJ knows well- the Kiara that is soft but tough for all the storms that they face.
Henley and Sawyer both keep asking 'why?' every five seconds before JJ notices that tears are still flooding their eyes when all JJ wants to do is remember the good times and not think about death. "I left something in the car." JJ announces before making his way up the beach to avoid any more negativity that will make JJ reckless. JJ walks away from them even when Henley calls after him or when Kiara asks him where he is going.
Not on Brownie's last day will JJ allow his entire family to fall apart. Brownie brings happiness and the possibility of more adventures so JJ can't let their emotions break them here on this day. Their last chance to say goodbye.
…
"Brownie boy." Henley cries into his fur as they lay on the beach towel together. Kiara watches them to try and fight the urge to run after JJ. Because it's JJ that Kiara can't lose in this moment. Because it's JJ that has never been given this opportunity before- to say goodbye. So, it makes sense for JJ to keep running away from them. There is something deep in Kiara that worries about what their life is going to be like after they say goodbye to the pup. Will JJ lose all of his control that is telling him to stay? Will he run away? JJ has been running away from Kiara for the past few days, always finding an excuse to leave and not follow up with more information when he gets back.
Promises go out of the window when JJ loses control. So, what is JJ loses the control to see his worth? To see that he deserves all of this and more. He deserves to have a family and to be loved. It's not something to run away with. They are a team that can take on anything now that they have already been through hell. So, they will have to remain a team through loss.
Sniffling makes Kiara focus on Henley. She focuses on her daughter even when she hears the footsteps coming back down the beach. Old JJ would disappear for a couple of hours and then return with a new bruise or his eyes red from being high. But it's not old JJ anymore. Because when they look up, JJ is stood by them with a bodyboard in his hands. A bodyboard with white plastic stapled to the side. A boat. And it all comes crashing into Kiara because it's the realisation that JJ didn't disappear because he lost all hope in their future, he disappeared to create a positive future for Henley.
Because Henley wanted a boat. A boat that JJ made for her.
"I know it's not like a fancy yacht nor is it even fancy enough to be compared to the Pogue. But I needed to get you a boat." JJ joins them, placing the boat next to Henley. Henley and Kiara wear identical expressions. Surprise mixed with joy when the world around them seems like it is falling apart. "Brownie wants to go on one last adventure, Hen. Maybe you could be the captain."
"Captain Henley. That does sound pretty great." Kiara smiles along with them. Because JJ always finds a way to surprise them and find the joy in their last breaths. Even Brownie lifts his head to check out the bodyboard boat that is connected to a string.
Laughter erupts them all for the first time in a while. Because Henley jumps up from the sand and sits down in the boat to let JJ drag her around. JJ runs around the sand with Henley being thrown around and Sawyer running after them. Kiara should yell after them to be careful but Kiara can't fight the laughter as she watches Brownie stand up and walk after them. It makes Kiara stand up herself and chase them as well. Adventures come from anywhere as long as we have a strong enough imagination. "Captain Henley's boat races towards the water, she has her second hand man Brownie running close behind to fight away the sea creatures!" JJ tells the story whilst pulling the boat along.
"Oh no! Brownie, mommy has been taken by the sea creatures!" Henley's imagination continues when she points to Kiara making Kiara learn to play along.
"Help!" Kiara acts.
"Help mommy, Brownie!" Henley instructs Brownie and sure be it, Brownie walks towards Kiara. In this moment, no one thinks of what is to come. They only focus on the now. Even Brownie likes to play along with their adventures.
JJ eventually gets to the water and lets the bodyboard boat float on the water. Kiara watches as she sits down next to Brownie on the sand. She watches JJ help Sawyer into the boat with Henley. She watches how the boat stays afloat, keeping Henley and Sawyer dry from the water. And Kiara can hear everything from the shore. She can hear the laughter coming from the three of them and she even laughs along with them. "You're going to have to name your boat, Henley." Kiara hears JJ say.
"Okay daddy, I will think about it."
"Go fast!" Sawyer laughs out before JJ nods and moves around the water, throwing the children back and forth.
Kiara is bought back to her own thoughts when she feels Brownie lean up against her. The dog just looks up at her, comfortable for the first time this week. "You saved all of us, Brownie. But we're going to be okay. I know we're going to be okay." With that, Kiara smiles at her family- the pup laying on her legs and the husband that has bought so much joy to her life and the children that find the sun through the clouds.
They enjoy the day with JJ running back and forth with the boat in his hands. Henley laughs when the waves threat to come over the sides of the bodyboard and Sawyer just keeps asking for more. Brownie joins in from time to time and makes sure to give kisses to the children's faces. All is happy in this moment and everything just seems to take a pause. They stay at the beach until the sun starts to set and sleep becomes Henley and Sawyer. Sleep is battling with Kiara whilst she lays her head on JJ's shoulder as they watch the stars begin to appear. "It's going to rain." JJ sleepily informs Kiara.
"I know, I believe you."
"John B taught me well." She can feel the smirk appear on his face but Kiara feels no need to shake that smirk away. "We should probably head back before the rain hits." When he goes to sit up, Kiara just forces him back down.
"Don't worry, I'm not afraid of a little bit of rain."
Kiara wants to freeze time- to stay in the moment with Brownie sleeping soundly on their legs whilst their two children dream of adventures on their new boat. JJ made all of that happen. JJ found a way to remain strong in front of the storm. No rain has ever scared Kiara away before. But in this moment, rain seems soothing because it's the pattering drops of rain that tells them that they are here- they are alive.
…
Rain patters down on the car where JJ and Kiara are sat waiting for it to back down. It's the night after Kiara found enough courage to tell her dad that she is now with JJ. Romantically. Dating. JJ Maybank and Kiara Carrera. Sure, Mike had laughed when the words left Kiara's mouth, but JJ made sure that Mike saw the positive side to the story. Kiara hates that the stamp of approval has made her heart beat faster than ever before. So hard in fact that Kiara doesn't know if she can wait to get into the chateau to jump on JJ and show him how much he means to her.
She knows he is feeling it as well. Because when Kiara looks over at JJ, his leg is jumping up and down as he fiddles with his hair. A clear sign for JJ Maybank. They have only been together for a few months but Kiara can't control herself when she is around JJ. Because he always finds a way to surprise her.
Legs bounce up and down to the timing of the pouring rain hitting the windows. Kiara fiddles with the fabric of the chair, forcing herself to not lean over to the driver's side of the car. She fiddles with her hair and the fabric of her wet top and the glove compartment in front of her. Anything to keep herself from touching JJ. Just the memory of his words to her dad make her jittery 'I am in this with Kie through and through. Mr C I won't run away from her.' A promise to Kiara's dad? Kiara cannot control her mind from wondering to what they could be doing in this car or on the front porch or (if they could make it) the bedroom itself. But JJ made sure to tell Kiara that there would be no funny business until they checked on Brownie.
But she can't help it. She can never help it when she is with JJ.
She is about to say something but is quickly cut off by JJ's sudden intake of breath "Fuck this." JJ breathes out before opening the door into the rain. Kiara just watches JJ in confusion as he storms to her side of the car. JJ opens the door with so much intensity that Kiara wonders if she is dreaming. Because seconds later, JJ is picking Kiara up into his arms and storming into the chateau. Neither of them cares about the rain when they are together.
They don't even look around the chateau to check on Brownie before heading to the bedroom. But the bedroom is so far away and Kiara needs his lips on her right now. So, Kiara just pushes JJ against the wall and pushes herself against him, connecting their lips to ignite the flame. Hands roam over wet bodies whilst tongues fight for dominance.
It's sloppy.
It's Kiara and JJ.
Their intensity keeps growing whilst they peel each other from the rain-wet clothes as they crash into their bedroom. Kiara needs this. She needs JJ in every way possible. And it's the first time that JJ doesn't worry every five seconds that he is hurting Kiara because JJ could never hurt her. His lips find her pulse-point and suck hard as their bodies move together. Everything is perfect. Everything is Kiara and JJ.
But when JJ goes to reach for his belt, reality sinks in. Howls from their pup fill the chateau and Kiara almost yells out to Brownie to be quiet because she knows what is about to happen. Brownie's whining keeps growing from the living area, getting so loud that they can't ignore it. "Just… we'll check him after." Kiara pleads impatiently but she knows it's too late. Her body aches when JJ stands up from her.
"Sorry Kie. Brownie needs me." His smirk should not make Kiara want him more.
"What?" Kiara leans up onto her arms, trying to make him realise that Brownie can wait.
"See you in a bit." With that, JJ leaves the bedroom to find the attention-seeking pup.
Jealous of a dog? Hell yes, Kiara is jealous. Because Brownie can just make the smallest sound and JJ would go running. Sure, it's the same for Kiara. Kiara would do anything for the pup just like JJ.
Kiara waits it out, hoping that JJ will come skipping back into the room at any time. But he doesn't. Kiara ends up groaning as she stands up and makes her way into the living area. That boy is dead. Standing up his girlfriend for a dog? JJ is dead.
But JJ isn't dead. He can't be dead when Kiara stops at the sight of Brownie playing tug of war with the boy in question. Brownie's tail moves back and forth whilst JJ smiles brightly at the pup. It's this moment that Kiara doesn't mind being second best to the dog. She can wait for JJ because this is real. It's Kiara and JJ for the future and they will have all the time in the world to make up for lost time. So, Kiara is okay taking a seat to let Brownie be the centre of attention whenever the pup wants to be.
Kiara and Brownie will just have to learn to share JJ's attention.
…
Brownie sleeps on the floor by their bed for his last night. Kiara wonders if he is going to join them on the bed but Brownie doesn't. Brownie just sleeps, hopefully dreaming of today's adventures with his family.
But Kiara finds herself tossing and turning. Because it's the last night with the third body snoring into the room. She can feel JJ's hand brushing up and down her spine as if he can sense her uneasiness. It makes Kiara turn to face him. Innocence is all she sees staring back at her. Life is cruel to everyone. There are no winners when it comes to life. Kiara knows that she just has to find the sweetness in all the sour. "Can you tell me a story?" Kiara asks. She needs anything to loosen her mind.
"Sure." JJ just smiles at her before moving to rest his hand on her shoulder.
"Once upon a time there was this group of Pogues. Pogues that knew that they could never fit into this world. But together, they would find a way. The Pogues loved adventures. On the day that they met Kiara Carrera, they were on an adventure to see who could climb the highest wave. JJ Maybank was the victor. Whilst their lives grew, adventures kept finding the Pogues. One adventure made two of the Pogues leave their home and left the three remaining Pogues behind. Two of these Pogues found each other- JJ Maybank and Kiara Carrera. It wasn't the best start but an angel finally found them and fixed every piece of their adventures. Brownie the pup found his way to the two Pogues that needed some guidance."
JJ's story is interrupted by the pattering of small feet hitting the wooden floor. They turn to see both Henley and Sawyer stood by the door. JJ and Kiara just move slightly to allow their two children to lay down on the bed with them. Henley leans into Kiara whilst Sawyer sits in the middle of his parents.
"Brownie showed our two heroes what it meant to belong. Because quickly the heroes found that home was wherever the puppy lived. Brownie bought happiness to the chateau but he also taught the heroes everything about life. He taught them that home is wherever there is love and determination. The girl's stubbornness made them determined and the boy's recklessness made sure that their lives remained an adventure. Together, they found that the skeleton of the chateau still had room for life. And the story is nowhere near finished."
Kiara just smiles at JJ, loving the ending to all of his stories. His stories make Sawyer and Henley drift off by their sides. Their own little, happy family that all came from finding the pup under the porch. With that, Kiara remains surprised when she feels the end of the bed move. When she looks, she sees the brown and white pup climb onto the bed before moving to lay at their stomachs. His tail moves back and forth. An image that makes Kiara smile, smile so widely that sleep eventually takes her where she dreams of the memories of Brownie.
…
It's a morning of goodbyes. But it has to be done. JJ keeps telling himself that. It's time for Brownie to say goodbye- goodbye for now. The hard discussion between Kiara and JJ comes to an end with Kiara forcing JJ to be the one to take him to the vets. His heart doesn't stop beating quickly when the time comes to take him to the car.
"Okay." JJ cries out into the living area where Kiara, Henley and Sawyer are all hugging the pup. "We need to say goodbye."
"I'll come with you to the car." Kiara manages to say in between her tears. "Hen…"
"I know." Henley cries. "I love you so, so much Brownie. But it's time for you to go have your own adventures. And here, you can take Ocean my turtle, he will keep you safe." She hugs the pup one more time before standing and hugging into Kiara. "Daddy said that haunting was real and I shouldn't be scared of it. Brownie, you can haunt me whenever you want to, okay?" Her sobs fill the room but JJ can only wonder how Henley can keep it together. A five-year-old that understands life more that JJ and Kiara combined.
"Sawyer, do you want to say goodbye?" Kiara asks their two-year-old. Sawyer just hugs Brownie tightly before speaking.
"Bye Brownie, see you tomorrow!" A tear falls from JJ's face before he can catch it. He hears Kiara hiccup out her tears as she hugs their son. It won't make sense to Sawyer yet. Nothing really makes sense to Sawyer yet.
When JJ carries Brownie out of the chateau, he overhears Henley's screeches of tears. Saying goodbye is never easy but it's the only way to give Brownie everything. And when they walk towards the car, Brownie gets the goodbye that he deserves.
Lined up to the car are the Pogues. All have glassy eyes as they watch JJ carry Brownie to the car. Because it's not just JJ and Kiara's lives that Brownie has changed. Every Pogue has been affected by Brownie.
Pope cries for Brownie because it is Brownie that worked as a buffer to finally get the girl of his dreams. Brownie helped Pope see that he is worth it. He is worth someone.
John B cries for Brownie because Brownie is the one that made John B grow up. Brownie is the one that growled at John B until he realised that he needed to stop being a baby and see a future.
Sarah cries for Brownie because Brownie gave Sarah the happiness that she always wanted. Brownie gave Sarah the romance story from the movies.
Even Kiara's parents are stood in the line with just as glassy eyes. Because it's Brownie that made Anna Carrera see that there is more to life than the gossiping Kooks. It's Brownie that made them the loving parents that JJ always knew them to be.
They make it to the car and JJ finds himself keeping it together just for Brownie. Because Brownie doesn't want them to be depressed on his final day. Kiara helps Brownie into the boot before kissing his forehead and crying into his fur. "I'll never forget you, Brownie." Her tears keep coming. "I hope I wasn't too much of a bitch to you." Kiara cries whilst JJ leans a hand against her back. Kiara just keeps crying. "We'll… I'll see you in the future though. Because you're my pup, Brownie. And I am so happy that I found you on the porch." Kiara eventually leans away from Brownie.
"Kie…" JJ tries to soothe her tears but it is hard when his own eyes are filled up.
"I know." Kiara sniffles before hugging against JJ. "We're doing the right thing."
"Yeah." JJ breathes into her neck whilst holding her tightly. "We're doing this for Brownie." They do everything for Brownie.
The salt of tears can be tasted when Kiara kisses him sweetly before kissing the pup once more before moving away from the car. JJ has to take a deep breath when Kiara smiles at him through her tears. JJ has to control himself. He has to do that for Brownie.
So, JJ gets into the car and doesn't look at the rest of the Pogues when he drives away from the chateau. He doesn't look back at Brownie until they get to the vets. Vets are too much like hospitals. The white cleanliness of the waiting area that contradicts Outer Banks completely. Sat in the waiting area are the Kooks that can actually afford a pet. But when JJ looks down at Brownie, he can't help but smile. Because Brownie is a Pogue through and through. He would probably snap off any of these Kook's heads off. Brownie is what has kept JJ from listening to the words of the Kooks. When JJ is around Brownie, the Kooks don't even matter. But it's not Brownie himself. No. Brownie has found the ability to teach JJ to ignore what the Kooks have to say because JJ is better than the gossip. JJ is more than the gossip.
Breaths come short when they get to the room. JJ doesn't know what to do with himself as he looks down at Brownie who has Henley's favourite toy by his side. It's the only toy that Brownie hasn't destroyed as if Henley and Brownie have made a deal to keep this toy safe. Ocean the turtle has been kept safe from Brownie for the past five years. Maybe it's time for Ocean to keep Brownie safe in return.
When the vet takes off Brownie's collar, JJ tears up at the sight of his name. "You know Brownie, we almost called you Pogue." Brownie looks up at the teary JJ almost as if he is listening "But Kiara wouldn't let me call you Pogue. She said that it wasn't a real dog name. But hey! She's one to judge saying that she let me call you Brownie." JJ laughs at his memory, finding the light. "Brownie isn't a real dog name either. She also wouldn't let me call you JJ Junior but I kind of understand where she is coming from with that one."
Looking back, JJ understands what it means to have a pup in a family. Because of all the years, Brownie has always found a way to make the painful memories painless. He radiates happiness- happiness that JJ cannot let go of. "It's time." The vet speaks up.
"Will it hurt him?" He doesn't take his eyes off of Brownie.
"No. It will just make him sleepy and he will drift off comfortably. I promise you that." JJ just nods at the doctor whilst taking Brownie's paw into his hand.
"I'm going to stay with you Brownie, right to the end." JJ sniffles out, determined to be what Brownie needs him to be.
JJ doesn't look at the vet when the drug gets entered into the tube. JJ just looks into Brownie's eyes and knows that he can stay strong because of Brownie. Brownie has showed JJ everything. And even if there are tears in his eyes at this moment, JJ knows that the clouds will eventually go away to show off a beautiful sunrise. Because JJ has fought his demons and he will keep fighting those clouds even if they keep trying to block the view.
"It's okay Brownie. You've made me strong when I thought that I was broken. You and Kie stayed by my side even when there didn't seem to be a bright future ahead of me. You showed me what it means to have a family- to be loved. Brownie, you made sure that I didn't run away." Brownie's eyes begin to flicker but JJ keeps talking. "And it's okay Brownie because I will never run away again. I promise you that I will stay by Kie's side and go on adventure after adventure with Henley. I will tell stories to Sawyer to make sure that you are not forgotten. Because you are my hero. You saved me from myself and showed me that I can do this on my own. So, it's okay Brownie. You can go. You can go knowing that I will keep making memories and stories of how the Pogues win. Because the Pogues will always deserve to win." JJ sniffles into his fur when Brownie's eyes close. JJ nods against the pup when the pup's eyes close.
When his eyes close for the last time.
…
It's a week of tears. A week of crying whenever someone says his name. A week where none of them can sleep without JJ telling them a story. It's a long week where they have to find a way to move forward and live the life that Brownie would have wanted for them.
A week after it happens, Kiara decides that they should have a memorial for Brownie. Because Brownie is a part of the family and they can't just move on with their lives without a place to rest Brownie. So, they all find themselves standing outside the chateau when their tears finally dry up enough for them to tell the stories of Brownie. Because Brownie bought joy to them all and they can't let their tears win.
"Brownie JJ Maybank." JJ smirks through his tears only to make Kiara roll her eyes. "The pup that was always up to no good."
"And eating way too much." Kiara adds.
"And chewing up all of his toys." JJ jokes.
"And mine!" Henley completes.
"I don't even know where my life would be if Brownie never came into our lives. But I know that he taught me how to live a normal future. A future that is filled with adventure as long as I have my family by my side." JJ looks at the man-made headstone that Kiara thought they needed. "That future is only possible because of you, Brownie."
"He loved running around and finding places to hide." Kiara starts. "Brownie was a Pogue at heart. From the moment I found him, he was just like the rest of the boys. Caring, reckless, loving. But that is what the Pogues needed. Another Pogue that could make sure that the adventure didn't end in disaster."
"I wanted to go on adventures with Brownie." Henley tears up.
"Yes, but isn't life just one big adventure?" Kiara hugs into her daughter.
"Definitely is for us Pogues." JJ jokes.
"Exactly. And there is nothing wrong with being Pogues." Smiles light up their faces as they look at the headstone.
"I think I know what I am going to name my boat." Henley keeps her eyes on the headstone. "Brownie. So that he will always go on my adventures with me. I can't leave Brownie behind from my adventures."
Brownie will always be a part of their lives. He is definitely watching over their every move.
When they begin to walk inside, Kiara is filled with a sense of excitement. Because their future is not written in stone. Brownie proves this. Brownie was thrown into their lives when no one could expect it. But through all the battles and the fighting and the making up, life seems to find a way to keep JJ and Kiara hopeful. Brownie showed them what it meant to have hope. And now that hope will lead them into their futures as a family of Pogues. "What do you think is going to happen now?" Kiara asks when JJ wraps his arm around her.
"I'm not psychic Kie. I can't predict shit like that." JJ jokes, only making Kiara roll her eyes.
"Oh my god JJ. You're an idiot."
"Yeah but you're stuck with me." Kiara should playfully fight him back but Kiara knows that it is a fight that she doesn't want to win. Because she wants to be stuck with him and find their way through life unpredictably. Their lives have never been planned and Kiara is okay with that. Because that's life. Life is just one big adventure where the heroes have to work out what step to take next.
"Yeah, I am." Kiara leans up to kiss JJ because she is ready for whatever life has to throw at her next. Because she is home. They are home.