Kamia: ... yes. Yes it is... I should really get back to writing something that's actually going to earn me a source of income... Or I can keep writing fanfiction and starve :)

Chapter 5

He hadn't known when he'd fallen asleep, but it sure wasn't one of his most restful nights. When his eyes had closed, all he saw was the dead body of a woman he'd considered his friend. And there standing above Euphie's body was the person he'd created, the persona made of pure hatred and anguish. He knew he couldn't blame Zero, for in truth he'd be blaming himself. The sound of the male's alarm clock was subtle but enough to wake him up from the restlessness. Rubbing the sleepiness from his purple eyes, Lelouch sat up and turned to face his reflection in the body mirror that hung on his open closet door.

Staring back was his disheveled reaction, evidence of restless night prominent on his face. "Don't you look pathetic," he spoke softly to himself. The pounding in his head had returned, causing him to run his fingers through his black locks. The clock read 7:00 a.m. which was his normal time to get ready and head out to school, however he came to a decision he'd go in a little late today, if even at all. 'Come now, don't let the death of a measly woman break you down.' A sigh passed through his lips as he pushed off the bed to head out to shower.

Turning off the music that had played all through the night, he grabbed his towel from the rack on his door, unlocking it to be greeted by the sunlight peeking through the windows. Wincing in irritation, Lelouch kept his gaze down, glad his hair was long enough to shield his eyes. He didn't bother to check if his roommate was awake, knowing they weren't on the best of terms after last night. 'Granted he isn't the full reason of my irritation' The laughter in his head caused him to groan as he closed the bathroom door behind him.

Shedding the tattered shirt and boxers, he allowed the warm water to envelope his body and cleanse the filth he felt that coated his body. With soap and a rag he scrubbed against his skin till it started turning red from being scratched at. 'Any harder and you'll make yourself bleed' Releasing a frustrated sigh, he watched the murky water go down the drain before lathering himself in more soap and shampoo. "I need to get this under control, I can't let myself slip otherwise we will be caught for sure," he spoke to himself, reaching to turn off the water. Ruffling the black locks dry, he tied the clean towel around his waist.

"I guess I'll just dispose of this shirt and pants, they were my favorite pair too," he groaned as he exited the bathroom, taking the tattered shirt with him. Tossing the stained clothing into a bag, he dropped the towel to change into clean boxers and jeans. The cool air tickled against his damp torso and shoulders, allowing him to release a content sigh, running his hands over his shoulder. "I am in desperate need of coffee..." Picking up his bag he left at his doorway, he pulled out his laptop and carried it to the kitchen.

As he began to brew the coffee, he opened up his laptop and began to search through a few websites. 'And what do you think your doing?'

"Might consider going to see a counselor just to sort some stuff right in my head..."

'They will think your a nut job.'

"No, I'm just a regular college student with worrying issues for the future and I need advice on some 'problems' in my life," he mumbled, rolling his eyes at the comment. Lelouch gripped his head, reaching into the medicine cabinet once more to take his medication.

The sound of water pressure running through the pipes in the walls screech loudly in Suzaku's ears, awakening him from the dreamless sleep of the night before. His eyes remains squeezed shut as he felt the crust of accumulated sleep dust crumble at the sudden restrictions. The sound continued its humming with no sign of stopping. The feeling of his pillow shoved against both ears did nothing to calm the storm brewing in his skull. His body ached in patched areas, especially his limbs. After what seemed like forever, the squeak of the faucets halted leaving the dull ache to stew in his brain. Knowing there was no going back to sleep from this point on, the detective chanced opening one eye.

The dryness was more bothersome than before as he lifted himself to get off the bed only to fall roughly onto the floor. The pounding returned as he brought both of his hands to shield his sensitive nerves. "Why does everything hurt?!" he wanted to scream, but found his voice to tight and dry to form any audible sound other than the slight whimpers that made their way out. He considered staying on the rough, cold tile floor for a while, but more thumps seemed to vibrate from the floorboards just outside his room. Trying to remember what had caused him this pain was just adding more pressure to the already present throb in his head.

He considered asking for help, before realizing he was lying stark naked on the ground. Where had his shorts gone? After hearing a soft knock on the door, he knew he would be faced with trouble unless he acted quick. "D-Don't worry, L-Lelouch! I just fell off the... the bed." he reassured before pushing his arms out beneath himself, to try to regain his composure. "All I need is a quick bath..." he summurized before reaching out to the shorts abandoned nearby. While pulling them on he noticed several bruises on this thighs and wrists before setting those questions aside to focus at the task at hand. He managed to find his footing before unlocking the door and heading out discreetly to the bathroom.

As Lelouch had waited for the coffee to finish brewing, he heard a series of thumps coming from behind his roommates door. He arched an eyebrow for a few moments, slowly walking over before tapping his knuckles at the door softly. Waiting a few moments, he heard the others response and simply shook his head. 'That dummy probably has a major hangover right now,' he thought to himself as he returned to check on the coffee.

On his laptop he'd open at least 5 tabs researching psychiatry counselors that were nearby, credible and were a big key on confidentiality. 'If I talk, I won't be giving them too much but I certainly don't want them going around and blabbering what they should to people it doesn't concern,' he thought, shifting through the different tabs. In the background, he could hear the hungover male fumbling and making his way into the bathroom. Rolling his eyes, Lelouch continued to search through the information, weeding out the individuals he didn't deem fit.

Once he heard the shower running, he popped two of the large pills in his mouth and downed them with half the cup of his coffee. Last thing he needed was more questions and lecturing from Suzaku on how this medicine was bad for him and such. Yawning, he carried his cup and laptop into the living room, plopping down on the couch and setting the cup on the table. "I can't believe it's hard to find a credible person..." 'What's wrong with not credible, if they take the wrong step we can just get rid of them...' "Ok, I want help because getting rid of people isn't always the answer to everything..."

After a few more minutes of searching, he finally found someone who fit the criteria yet also struck an interesting cord with him. "Diethard Ried...interesting" Lelouch scrolled through the information and scrolled through the pictures of the office area along with Diethard and his staff. 'You're going to get counseled by a guy?' Pinching his brow, he slightly nodded. "Yes we are..." A small smile formed on his face as he reached for his cell phone and dialed the number listed below. He then headed outside to discuss the matter in a semi private standing, getting a few looks from individuals passing by noting that he was still shirtless.

"Psychiatric counseling services, this is Cecile Croomy how may I help you?"

"Hello, I was looking through the website and I happened to notice you guys were well credible, so I called wondering how to book an appointment with Diethard Ried?"

"Will this be your first time visiting the office?"

"Yes it is."

"Ok, you will need to swing by to fill out some paperwork and we can get you situated as soon as possible."

"Perfect, I have some time today, I'll swing by."

"Of course, do you need the address?"

"No, its ok. I'll get it off the website."

"Alright, have a good day and we will see you soon." Hanging up the phone, Lelouch smiled to himself, wondering how things would go if he were to open up to someone.

The steaming hot water felt rough against his skin, but Suzaku could feel the tension slowly start to ease away. He scrubbed gently and mostly stood under the shower-head as to not jar his already ringing cranium. Once he felt he was clean enough, the detective turned the hot water off and allowed cooler water to drizzle the heat away. Carefully stepping out of the tub and onto the tiled floor, Suzaku pulled a towel out from the cabinet above and began to scrub his hair dry first. When he felt he was more or less dry, the brunette wrapped the damp towel around his waist before opening the doors and making his way out into the living room.

He gazed around the apartment, wondering where Lelouch had gone off to before shrugging it off. He went back into his room to quickly get dressed in a clean pair of boxers and jeans hanging in the closet. After pulling on a light blue undershirt, Suzaku felt it was ok to open the door to his room wide again. His muscles were still a bit sore, but it wasn't something that could continue to impede him throughout the day anymore. The headache raging behind his ears, on the other hand, was another problem altogether. Deciding he'd rather not suffer any more time with it, Suzaku made his way over to the kitchen where he knew his roommate had kept the aspirin.

"If these things are good enough for Lelouch's migraines, than a hangover cure seems optimal to me." he reasoned out loud before hearing the front door open once again. Grabbing the bottle from the spot he knew the younger man kept it, the twenty-six year old made his way over to the sink. "Hey, man, do you mind if I take one of your pills? I got a killer headache."

Lelouch slipped the phone into his pocket, slowly shutting the door behind him. He hear the others movements in the kitchen, he moved around the counter to hear the male call out to him. His eyes widened when he saw his medicine bottle in the others hand. "Uh..." He felt himself blank for a moment, this was the first time that Suzaku had actually asked to take one, all the while believing they were for the "migraines" that Lelouch would pass off the headaches when in reality they were to help him keep his touch with reality...if that was even possible.

Chewing on his bottom lip slightly, he reached out and took hold of the others wrist before sliding his hand up to grip the bottle. "I don't think you should. I'm not really big on getting on the case that they were prescribed for me but I know the side effects will be harsh on you, especially since you have a hangover and your stomach is empty and filled with acid..." With his free hand, he pulled out a bottle of medicine he'd bought for the occasion of when Suzaku drank too much. Granted it wasn't often but it was good to have it on hand.

"Here, this will serve you better." Placing the other bottle on the side of the sink, he slipped his medication from the others hand and let it drop in his pocket next to his cell phone. "Make sure you take them with water. You should also eat something, and I left coffee in the pot for you," he called, turning away from the other and heading back into the living room. 'So what would have happened if he took one?' 'Nothing really...but if they didn't work then I wouldn't want to give him a reason to look into what they are really for...' Closing his laptop, he started to pack his items into his bag.

Feeling the other's hand on his wrist had shivers run down his spine. Shaking the feeling off he gave Lelouch a questioning look before realizing the other was completely topless. Unable to focus on anything the younger man was saying, Suzaku noticed how although a bit thin, the college student did have a bit of toned muscle as well as near blemish free, soft looking skin. Realizing his thoughts were straying from the present, the detective averted his gaze to examine the new bottle of pills lying on the counter beside him.

Playing it out that he was reading the warning label, Suzaku stole several more looks back at Lelouch while the other busied himself with preparing to leave. "G-going already?" he asked, curious as to what the other's plans were since he was clearly not going to be headed to school any time today. Almost meeting the eyes of his childhood friend, Suzaku sharply turned his eyes back to the water running in front of him, regretting the shake instantly.

While rubbing his temple, the detective downed the bitter pills before noticing the slight bruising on his left wrist. It took a moment before the memories of last night flooded before his green eyes. The fun he had at the bar. The man who followed him home. Being pushed onto the recliner with his arm pinned and legs forced apart. The kiss. Lelouch's disappointed gaze. What he did on the bed afterwards. Ignoring the dull ache in his head, Suzaku tried to shake off the bright red he knew was spread across his face as his heart began to pound deeper in his chest. Casting a side-ways glance at his roommate, Suzaku couldn't help but to hold his breath.

Hmm, yeah I have some things I need to take care of. Hopefully they won't run to long and I won't be back to late," he called back, tossing the bottle of pills into his bag. 'Guess while I'm out I'll pick up another bottle...' Once he was sure he had everything packed he made his way back to his room to pull on a shirt and grab the bag of clothing he needed to dispose of. 'Just need to get rid of this and then I'll head over to meet Counselor Ried...'

Tying the plastic to the side of his bag, he then picked up his cup of coffee, downing the rest in a few short gulps. Making his way back into the kitchen, Lelouch lightly placed his hand on Suzaku's shoulder to move around him to rinse out his cup. "I'll wash the dishes when I get home, so don't worry about it." It was then he noticed the bruise on the others wrist, making him frown. "You should really be more careful," he whispered, reaching out to touch it, his finger lightly tracing before he pulled his hand away.

"By the way, I'm sorry for snapping at you last night. I had a rough night and I took it out on you. Just please be more aware of your actions..." He chewed his bottom lip slightly, before a smile formed on his face. "I'll be going now, try to take it easy at work. If you need to, take the bottle with you to work." With that, he moved around his roommate to the front door. Sliding on his shoes, he opened up the front door. "Oh and make sure to drink lots of water, you look red, you must be dehydrated," he called out before closing the door behind him.

Heading down the road, he allowed his eyes to scan his surroundings deciding on where would be the best place to get rid of his clothing. 'Should have done this earlier this morning...'

"I'm still a little sore from being hit by a car in case you forgot, but don't worry, I always no how to get rid of things," he mumbled to himself, heading towards the deserted slums.

Feeling the pain in his head stay in a sort of rhythmic tone, Suzaku grabbed hold of the counter's edge to try to maintain his balance. An empty stomach did sound like a bad thing at the time. Perhaps he'll cook some eggs, if there were any left. Having Lelouch reach over him to place the dish back in the sink caused an involuntary response to tense up a bit. Looking down to see the younger man's hand upon where those few blemishes resided made Suzaku pull his hand away a bit quickly.

The sudden loss of support he had on the counter forced his knees to buckle a bit before he reached out to regain his balance. He didn't know what he was nervous about, but with his current state this was no time to be useless. "Sorry, I guess I should just avoid all alcoholic products for a while then." he apologized before he stood up properly and trotted his way to the couch on the other side of the counter.

"Don't worry about me. If you feel like you are having a horrendous day than feel free to take it out on me. It's not like you're going to kill me, so I'd rather you do that than on yourself." he joked lightly before sitting on the cushion below. He figured he'd take a nap since he didn't have to be at work until later today.

Lelouch was making his way over to the clinic, following the address that was marked on his phone. It had taken him a while to dispose of the dirty clothes that had been stained in mud and blood. He'd needed to buy a new disposable lighter, setting the bag ablaze and left it to burn in a trashcan. He felt rather bad having to dispose more of his clothing. 'Sacrifices need to be made for our protection...'

"You make it sound like it's so simple..."

Once he arrived at the clinic, he entered the lobby and was greeted by the receptionist. The nameplate on the desk indicated she was Cecile Croomy. "May I help you?"

"Yes, I called earlier and set up an appointment to meet with Diethard Ried. You said I should come in early to fill out some paperwork and some assessments." Cecile checked her records, before nodding and marking him as in. "Come with me and we will get you started with your assessments." They entered another room where a few computers resided, The receptionist asked him to take a seat and fill out the series of questions that would pop up on the screen.

After about 30 minutes of answering questions, he finally finished and rose from the seat. "Ok, let me just send the information to Mr. Ried and he will call you in shortly." As Lelouch waited in the lobby for a few moments, he was slowly coming to terms and relaxing his brain. "Lelouch, Diethard will see you now," called Cecile. Nodding, he stood and made his way into the office.

Bismarck Waldstein was slowly removing his business suit, article by article. After most of it was laid scattered upon the floor he took his red tie and wrapped it around Suzaku's neck. Suzaku kept absolutely still as he watched the one in front of him. The room surrounding them was cast in shadows with blurs of what could be furniture just out of eyesight. Rough hands pushed his shoulders back against the recliner as he felt the fabric of denim nudge against his legs. The other leaned his head closer to the detective's neck, sending a chill along his skin at the feel of soft hair against him. He didn't know why he wasn't resisting, but soon enough felt soft trickles of feathery kisses being pressed against tanned skin.

"Wait!" he whispered before releasing a grunt of pain at the feel to teeth embedding into his flesh. There was a small drip of blood leaking from the new wound before the man leaned back to admire his work. "Why are you-" Suzaku gasped when light was softly cast upon them to reveal it was not the patron from the bar he had met earlier, but Lelouch kneeling on his lap. A grin was spread across the younger man's face as blood streamed lightly from the corner's of his lips.

"Care for a taste, brother?" the college student asked humorously as he bent his head down to bring their lips together.

Green eyes shot open as Suzaku rush up from where he had rested upon the couch. Sweat glistened across his forehead as a slight blush appeared once again for that day. He looked around to see if anyone else was in the apartment with him, only to note that he was alone in the dead silent building. He took several deep breaths before reaching out to his phone. The small screen informed him of it being close to noon.

"Almost time for work." he commented as he reached for his jacket laying across the table. Grabbing his stuff he made his way over to the front door where his boots rested from the night before. "Why would I dream about him like that? Damn alcohol." the green-eyed man cursed as he made his way out of the apartment and to his car in the garage bellow.

By the time he reached the office, his partner was already by the coffee machine chatting away to the secretary taking her break there. "Hey Suzaku! How was the party yesterday? Get laid?" Weinberg laughed not noticing his partner duck his head and turn away from the question all together. Gino left the break area to lounge by where their desks stood. "Come one, buddy! It's not like we've never experimented while drunk before." he reassured thinking that the investigator was ashamed about taking another man home with him.

"Next time you see me not acknowledge someone else in a car with us, speak up!" the twenty-six year old gritted between his teeth as he sat down at his own desk. "You didn't help at all with this misunderstanding and it was embarrassing enough to have Lelouch intervene in this disaster!" Gino was taken aback by the other's response. A sudden hurt and guilty look spread across his face before it was quickly erased and replaced by a sly grin.

"Well maybe next time you shouldn't flirt with every man who buys you a drink." he quipped.

Lelouch was sitting on the couch that was nicely placed along the wall, adjacent to the window. Sitting across from him was Diethard, who'd greeted him at the door with a smile that he had considered blinding as was surprised that he couldn't tell if it was genuine or fake. "Thank you for coming in Lelouch. I took a few moments to look over your assessment, but we will touch more on the subjects as we do the sessions." The younger male nodded slightly, his heart racing and he was already psyching himself out.

"Now then, let's start off with a few basics. How come you decided to come in today?" He chewed on his bottom lip as he tried to analyze the question. 'You should tell him that you got squeamish after killing Euphemia and you are here to seek much needed therapy,' came that mocking laugh in his head. Lelouch felt the annoyance rising in him, wondering how to start talking without giving away the darker parts. "...Well...I've been having a lot of identity issues..." The other male shifted his sitting position, the pen moving swiftly over the paper he had situated on the clipboard.

"And when did you start feeling like this?" He stared down at the hardwood floor, following the different lines that twisted and turned. "All my life I suppose." He could hear the sound of the pen against the paper, and he closed his eyes in hopes of blocking out the noise. "Alright, let's talk about your childhood..." "NO." Diethard looked up in surprise at the sudden outburst of the other male. "Um..." "I refuse to talk about my childhood, not yet. I don't trust you enough to talk about that with you. No one but me knows of my childhood and that's the way it will always be until I decide otherwise!" Diethard couldn't really object, nodding slightly before marking the childhood to be touched up on in later times.

"Alright, how are things with your life right now? Do you live on your own, or with a roommate?" Lelouch released a sigh, leaning back on the sofa. "I suppose my life is alright. It's bearable, being a college student is rather tough, I will eventually be applying in the job market. And I currently life with a friend of mine whom I'd met around my childhood times. We have a fairly stable living environment, the only times we usually interact is on weekends or in the middle of the night because he is a homicide detective."

Diethard nodded, writing down certain phrases the other male used. "And how would you explain your relationship with your roommate?" Lelouch arched an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" "I mean as far as your interactions go, any hostile moments, are they decent interactions? Do they interfere with any of your own personal needs?" He was taking a while to process what the other male was asking him. "If you are asking about my sex life, then you should just ask the question. I'm not squeamish on those topics. I am a grown male after all."

The counselor shook his head, but smiled a bit. "I meant things you do on your own, routines, life choices, sex was an optional topic and would be brought up at your discretion." Lelouch allowed a smile to come to his lips, running his fingers through his hair. "My routines are generic, I sleep, wake up, go about my morning necessity of hygiene and go to school, then come home where my life repeats again. Now in terms of sex, I am not sexually active, and I don't have a partner at the moment. And whether my roommate goes about his daily life and if he should bring partners over, I respectfully maintain my distance. That is the respect we have."

'Although lately, the partners that have been coming over were a result of his drunk escapades...' He then thought back to the time he got himself off. While embarrassed for almost getting caught, he had felt a sense of relief for it. He wouldn't deny being sexually frustrated, but he had morals. At the moment, he feared getting close enough to anyone because the sense of not having control scared him, but he knew what he wanted and his preference.

To be Continued

Special Thanks to my best friend Ayame for helping me with this.

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