I finally took a minute to look at some of the items on this list, and realized I have a few fucks to give about most of these. Caterpie, before and after this shitstorm, act stupid and generally harmless. On the other side of the spectrum, you have the nasty, hard fuckers like Rhydon that divine intervention couldn't save you from, and then the godamn absurd like Kabutops and Omnastar- which, given my knowledge, went extinct before mammals were a thought, and then you have the ambitious ones- Mew? What in the fuck is a Mewtwo? Why the fuck is Lugia underlined? What are you snorting with our tax dollars?

Basic Info: If you don't know what a caterpie is, then you're either too godamn stupid or too godamn sheltered to be reading this in the first place. The line is extremely profilic in Kanto and Johto and belongs to the bug egg group (no shit). Caterpie are by far the most plentiful form, and they have to be, because literally everything else that they come into contact with shits on them, has always shat on them, and will always shit on them, until either they are extinct or the world ends- whichever comes later.

At a glance there's nothing special about them, but there's some weird things that come into play that will be discussed later. They have a surprisingly wide arsenal of things that just barely come up short of being pants-shitingly dangerous, ranging from a strong silk analogue, various toxic pollens that they collect from plants, and slight telekinetic abilities. You can expect to see them more or less anywhere (the result of exporting for their silk producing capabilities), but are mostly found in Johto and Kanto.

Caterpie can be anywhere between 2 and 6 pounds before they cocoon up, metapod 6 and 18 pounds (This is likely an outlier, recorded from pokedex entries), and 30 and…evidently 70 pounds, but we have yet to recover any specimens larger than forty pounds, which leads me to conclude whoever wrote this is either a traitor or a dumbass.

There's nothing else that can be said here, except that pokedex entries are still an act of counter espionage.

History: It is believed that caterpie originate from Shanxi, and they were brought with them by the first wave of Shanxian migration to the Orrean/Union landmass. For a very long time the silk produced was a primary export of Kanto. The first recorded instance of corporate espionage was ETO stealing high quality caterpie eggs and silk producing equipment from Kanto, and smuggling it back to his tribe.

It should be noted that not all Caterpie have the capability for making silk of the quality that we hear so much about (if they were, then it would be fucking worthless), but all of their silk can be processed into an extremely tough textile-Ransein daimyos swallowed their godamn pride and wore silk dresses because they could stop arrows, and even in more modern examples many high and mighty politicians, aristocrats, and mob leaders wear them due to their bullet resistance (In the Raden incident, the one of the victim's suits was observed to be shot six times with a low caliber handgun without being penetrated).

Biology: Again, surprisingly straightforward, despite the intense changes that it goes through in each evolution. Given that they are all over the fucking place, we have plenty of samples to examine, for once.

Caterpie are simple: they have two tubes in their body- one is a primitive spinal cord, and the other is the digestive tract- which really is just a long asshole. The head has a primitive brain, but it hardly much of anything, which makes their psychology fucking freaky, but I digress. Their 'blood' if you call it that, is a viscous fluid that carries oxygen from small, thin parts of the exoskeleton that exposes the inside of the body the atmosphere indirectly, and it has two muscles that function like a heart to pump the fluid through the body cavity.

Metapod are also somewhat simple- a hard carapace with another neural tube that lies along the stomach, and the rest of it's insides are mush. The pokedex says that they can spill their insides out if they jostle, but that's load of bullshit.

Butterfree are the only ones that have anything approaching a complex biology- a more advanced digestive system, wings that are capable of gas exchange, compound eyes that can pick out motion from anywhere in a hundred meters 270 degrees in front of it, an immunity to most plant toxins, a larger brain to support sight, smell, and higher thought, a larger neural tube, and other goodies.

The biology of the Butterfree itself is not complicated, and not at all freaky. Their intelligence is somewhat distributed through the neural tube- which is still along the stomach- and they have the intelligence to manage some basic telekinetic abilities.

Psychology and Sociology: A week ago, I would have written them off as having minimal intelligence, but one of our nerds had a hunch, went out and collected his own subjects, and conducted his own experiment with a two dozen caterpie completely under the radar, and found some interesting new intelligence baselines based on specific conditions and stages of development using advanced EEG mapping.

Caterpie, as it turns out, are every bit as fucking retarded as we thought, USUALLY. Their brains are extremely malnourished, given that most of their calories consumed goes towards evolution. When fed higher energy food and laying around all day without expecting death from above, brain development and intelligent activity increases by a pretty fucking significant degree- including problem solving, pattern recognition and- If the nerd knows what he's talking about- existential contemplation (the research seems to align, based on what papers I've read, but could be just as wrong).

Metapod that are nourished well enough are recorded to be capable of, of all things, EMPATHY, not only with other caterpie, not other insects, but every manner of creature from humans to magikarp. Those that are not still maintain a higher level of intelligence and are capable of developing distinct personalities.

Once they become butterfree, you have, under most conditions, a pokemon with the intelligence of a young teenager. Empathy, personality, and social contracts are not above their comprehension. That being said, they're still fucking bugs. More complex abstract ideas such as law and time are far beyond them.

Their ability to reason and solve problems directly correlates to how much they are tested in the later stages of their caterpie form, and the period for such development is brief, and so while they have very high level of social complexity, they have limited rational intelligence.

I'd give the nerd a pat on the back, but he's kept all the damned things around since presenting his findings. There's a pink buterfree looking over my shoulder right now, and I can see in the reflection of my screen that the little fuck is scowling at me, thinking that it's tough shit. Thankfully, the fuckers can't read, so it doesn't know how close it got to getting swatted.

Socially? Semi-social, like most similar bug-flying types, they spend their initial stages of life cold, alone, and thinking everything is out to kill them- because everything is. Those that actually survive to adulthood pick mates and join "migratory swarms", with thousands of surviving butterfree, where they migrate to suitable climates, disperse, then meet up again and migrate. It's worth noting that a fair number of them- based on kantonese observations- do mate for life, and that if a handful of butterfree live in close proximity in one region, they are likely to live in close proximity when they migrate again.

Neutral-Neutral. Don't fuck with them and they won't fuck with us, but if we scratch their backs they'll scratch ours. They prefer flight to fight, and they don't usually band together in numbers greater than six to fight anything but beedril, which they hate with a passion, compete with for nectar, and enjoy stealing that piss-poor excuse from their nests.

I would say these are one of the ones that we ought to support and maintain good relations with. Their intelligence, empathy, and non-violent inclinations could make them useful to us, though the fact that they fuck like animals and reproduce like it's the end of the fucking world makes me feel shaky on the idea of integration.

Combat- Caterpie and metapod are less dangerous than a fart in the wind- caterpie avoid combat because they're terrible at it, and the worst they'll typically do is tangle you up in silk, and use the opportunity to wriggle away quietly, laughing at your dumb ass. They are edible in stews, but otherwise they're too tough to swallow.

Metapod on the other hand, are stationary, which works well for them, since they blend in well, and you shouldn't give a fuck because they're fucking metapod. They sit there and do nothing. You could kill one with a heavy boot or a hammer or something like that, but what kinda weak ass punk needs to kill a godamn stationary cocoon?

Butterfree are typically non-aggressive, so long as you don't subject them to an inconsiderate amount of fuckery, and they usually don't form groups to tackle problems other than beedrill hives. If they do come after you expect half a dozen to two dozen angry butterflies coming after you-just the ones in your immediate area.

This being said, everyone knows they're not dangerous, they don't have the mindset for combat, they aren't capable of producing many offensive moves without time or assistance, in terms of battle statistics they are far behind most other common pokemon, and if I start talking calmly and saying that something is a threat I'm fucking lying, and anyone that doesn't realize that are a special scientific MARVEL that should be sent to labs to study how any living creature can survive with less brain activity than a god damn turnip.

Underestimate NOTHING Jenkins. The minute that you think you are badder or smarter than one of these fucking insects is the minute you're recycled into compost, and I have to inform a mother that she did a shit job of parenting and her son is fucking dead because he was strutting a battlefield when he was fucked up by a godamn slowpoke.

Butterfree in particular are fucking crafty. You'd be right to assume that they don't learn many moves naturally- most go through life only learning weak telekinetic abilities, silver wind, and supersonic. This being said, they are immune to most plant toxins, know it, and actively collect them on their legs and wings. Remember how eating a Bulbasaur would make you want make your insides outsides? They will COLLECT that shit, and throw it at you.

The good news is they're good at not using them willy nilly, and they won't release them unless they want you to die, so your chances of getting hit by second hand spores is small. This being said, I would attempt to steer clear of their migration swarms in spring on principle.

Since they are heavily exposed to toxic materials, I would not recommend eating any of these.

I'm only really going to bother rating Butterfree.

Butterfree: .5 IU's on their own. They're crafty, but they aren't discrete, and they present a large target. We have ways to treat most of the things they throw at us, but a single round to the thorax will put that thing in the ground in seconds. They do have weak telekinetic abilities, but they only work within ten meters, and if you let them get that close A) you're so godamn incompetent stepping out of your moma's basement in the first place was a mistake, B) it's still easy to overcome them, since the extent of their creativity with telekinesis is "Push him at a tree."

This being said, if you get them in a pack, you're looking at a hell of a time. If they're 1:1 with the group they're attacking, they get bumped up to 1 GU collectively, and that score scales with every butterfree added. They aren't that fast, but they'll circle you, using telekinesis to throw you off balance like a fucking force of nature, then using spores, then using another host of attacks to delay you until you're convulsing on the ground like a dancing Unovan.

There's three ways I can see someone fighting these: 1) a butterfree, 2) between 6 and 24 butterfree, 3) a migration swarm of thousands of butterfree.

If it's just one butterfree, they are more likely to run than fight, and if you need it dead that bad, just shoot it in the fucking back, it might try to use whirlwind to cover it's escape, but even if it does think to do so the move fails as often as it doesn't. If, you manage to somehow make the bug so fuckangry it actually charges you, it will probably attempt to use silver wind or psybeam (if it knows it), and tackle you, releasing spores as it does so. This being said, they are insects, and you have no excuse for letting them get that close in the first place.

If it's a group of butterfree, they fight in the way outlined above. Your best chance of surviving the encounter is to break out of the encirclement, with extreme violence. Staying mobile will make it harder to encircle you and use their attacks without hitting one another, and if you split into two groups it'll hurt them more than you. If you manage to kill a third of them or break out of their circle with enough force they'll route on the spot.

If you wind up fighting a migratory swarm, don't. I don't care if you have an army yourself, tanks, anti-air guns. Do not engage, consider that an order from almighty HIS.

You have no godamn reason to, and they will respond by flying over you, and dropping hundreds of pounds of toxic powder on your camp. Nobody has enough antidote to treat that much exposure- you WILL die, withering in pain on the ground, knowing you accomplished jack shit.

Moves: Butterfree have quite a few, but they don't have the creativity to not use them in the exact same way. They have minor telekinetic abilities (confusion, psybeam) that they'll use to knock you around- based on our tests here in lab we found that they are not lethal to even unarmored soldiers, unless they push you off a cliff. The force is comparable to being tackled by a high-school wrestler, or my ex-wife, but unlike either of them the attack is brief and isn't sustained long enough to-hypothetically- throw you out of a third floor hospital window.

Gust is a given (my confusion as to how it fucking works aside), but is used in the same way as the telekinesis, but weaker. Silverwind too, but it's more fucking unpleasant than dangerous. Supersonic is possible but not favored, due to the difficulty of control, and how they don't want to hit other butterfree.

The above moves are typically used to push around and disorient the target, while the real damage is done by grass powders. They tend to favor stun spore for attacking, sleep powder for escaping, and poison powder as a final "Fuck you" before retreating from a fight. As long as you don't get a full lungful of any of these you'll be fine. If you do for sleep powder, as long as you there's not a fucking pound of it wafting around when you hit the dirt, you'll wake up in two to four hours and be able to return to camp and get mocked for getting your ass handed to you. A full lung of poison powder isn't as bad as it sounds. The toxin itself is a weak cardiac glycoside, which fucks with the electric gradient in your muscles- which can cause shaking, chills, and increased heart rate, and arrythmia- but it has a low affinity for human cardiac cells, and seems to be mostly effective against birds. Cardiac arrest is a potential outcome, but it would take substantial amounts which is unlikely, over the course of a couple hours, which you shouldn't let happen, as we do have means of treating it. Anyone receiving medical treatment for large doses of it within 70 minutes has a 100% recovery chance, and at 90 minutes you're looking at a 64% recovery chance. These times can be extended through cheap antidotes though and can buy you at most half an hour- I recommend fielding these with our troops.

A full lung of stun spore means death in ten minutes without treatment. It's a strong Ca2+ pump inhibitor with a HIGH affinity for human cardiac muscle, which, if you didn't know, is necessary for chemical synapsing of nerves. Where does I go after inhaled oh great and powerful ME, you ask? Into the lungs, where it diffuses from the alveoli into the blood, and straight to the heart.

Full paralysis occurs in three minutes at most, unless medicine is administered. After that, death between five to ten minutes.

There is good news-even butterfree seem queasy about this, and will only carry small quantities unless they're hunting beedrill. There are cheap medicines that can buy you up to 30 minutes without cardiac arrest for the first dose, then between five and ten minutes for each subsequent dose, and if you seek medical attention, your chance of surviving are relatively high (70%). If you make it that far.

Weaknesses:

Bullets- It's a godamn bug, soldier up, and shoot the fuckers.

Fire- It's a good answer for most forest dwelling pokemon- butterfree in particular are susceptable to smoke 'inhalation', since their wings are also surfaces for gas exchange- even small amounts of smoke can cause death in a short period of time.

Insecticide- if the behavior of these changes, we can preemptively apply one of the effective insecticides to the plants they draw nectar from- this is without a doubt the best way to tackle a swarm, but expect some ecological damage- buterfree are one of the few freaks these days that contribute to ecological stability, instead of disrupting it- and are at the moment the least fuckangry and violent pollinators in kanto and Johto.

Mass- Again, they are fucking bugs. The weak ass exoskeleton does not compensate for the lack of an internal skeleton, and they're about as durable as your standard Unovan college snowflake. If you run at them, you can go through them like a boot through dog shit.

Freaks:

Quiverers: There is one, and while not biological different from the rest, it's scary enough that it can't be tossed in with the rest of the lot. According to HIS, LOGO only lost two fights in his life time- one to an angry agron that dropped a cave on him, and a butterfree with quiver dance.

These things are in no ways comparable to butterfree in terms of combat. They get the high shelf moves like rage powder, air slash, and quiver dance that can turn a man into mush. They either fight alone or in groups of three or four. And they enjoy fighting. Take your basic Butterfree. Make it six to twelve times faster, give it a thirst for blood, an arsenal of effective moves, and a telekinetic shield that can bounce a hyper beam.

Then you have a quiverer.

Good news is that the effects of the quiver only last between five and twelve minutes, and takes between ten and fifteen to charge back up, with very little movement. If they inhale smoke while quivering they might die outright.

1 ME, but I'd have to work for it, hard. Probably burn down a forest. If there were two of them my chances would go down to fifty-fifty at best. Three of them and my chances would barely be around 10%. As a general rule, do not engage. If you do, put as many hard barriers between you and them, try to track their movements, and engage after they slow down, if they are still around. If not, pack up and leave immediately.

Summary:

Friendly relations should be explored: Given their intelligence, dislike of more aggressive pokemon such as Beedril, and availability we stand to benefit from one another. Caterpie could be captured and raised on frontier towns, for additional defenses. Integration is not advised, as their large generation sizes could lead to rapid overpopulation.

(Addendum: After looking at some preliminary information on our research into Beedrill, I cannot emphasize this enough- we'd rather have these things WITH us than AGAINST us. Their natural inclination against beedril and taste for beedrill honey gives us a natural ally against what could potentially be our most disturbing enemy to date. This will be elaborated more on the next document, but until then I'm suiting up and heading to Johto, this is something I need to verify for myself.)

Under no conditions should a migrating swarm be engaged: Do you want to die today? In addition to the issue of chemical warfare, there's probably at least a couple of quiverers in the group. If you piss them off, better to play dead until the storm passes.

In the event of combat, your primary goal will be to break the encirclement: Easier said than done, when your enemies are knocking you around with telekinetic pulses, but necessary. If you can break out, better to split into two groups, to make future encirclement difficult.

When travelling in areas where they are present, carrying appropriate anti-toxins is recommended: This is, after all, where most of the fatalities would come from. I would recommend at minimum distribution to non-commissioned officers, squad leaders, and medics, and I recommend when possible the production and fielding of mobile medical transports that can treat the effects of stun spore and the like.

The applications of caterpie silk should be researched: While not as durable as spinarak silk, it is easier and safer to harvest, IE cheaper, so it's an avenue worth exploring.

In the event of conflict with a quiverer, use of controlled burnings, attritional tactics, and smoke grenades is recommended: Non-conventional tactics are necessary for non-conventional enemies. Controlled burnings can ward them off, buying you time, and smoke grenades can nullify their speed by slowing their respiration.

Caterpie are a potential, easily available emergency food source: Unethical, in light of their intellectual capacity, but given the choice between sacrificing a worm and letting a soldier starve to death, I'd pick the soldier every time. With this in mind, consider how much of this study you want to release in the final parts of this document- I don't give a damn about the hippies that will come for my head, but somebody might.

Butterfree should be assumed to be intelligent parties: If they can empathize and reason at least a little bit, that complicates and redefines our attitude towards them.

-ME