Like Paper Houses Chapter 6

What's Past is Prologue

Kristoff didn't want to go to the funeral. Funerals were always a dreary affair, full of awkward lulls in conversation and uncontrollable sobbing. Not that he ever expected it to be any different, he just didn't want to have to go to one for a pair of near strangers. The Aarons had been friends of his parents, and although he'd met them a few times over the years, Kristoff had spoken no more than a few words to them. And yet there he was, dressed in his Sunday best in a house full of mournful strangers, wishing he was at the mall with his best friend, Ryder and Ryder's twin sister, Maren.

"I don't see why I have to go," Kristoff had complained to his parents that morning. "Anna doesn't."

"Anna's four, you're not," had been his mother's silencing reply.

At thirteen, nothing was more important to Kristoff than hanging out with his friends, sneaking playboys from his uncle's bedroom, and stealing off with the occasional beer from the fridge when he was alone in the house. Without anything to look forward to, the best he could hope for was a plate full of carbs from five different casseroles, and a quiet corner where he could eat his food in peace. He was in the process of stuffing his pockets with dinner rolls when he saw her though a half-opened door in an adjoining room.

The girl couldn't have been any older than Kristoff. Pale blonde hair and shimmering blue eyes, she was the kind of pretty that took his breath away. But for all her beauty, her face was quite severe. As if someone had shot her dog, he'd thought. Then realizing that she was the same girl from Aaron's family portrait near the entryway, Kristoff mentally kicked himself. Or maybe because her parents just died.

The blue-eyed girl clutched a rosary in her hand and whispered softly into the beads. Kristoff set down his plate and crept closer to the half-opened door. His curiosity drew him forward like a moth to the flame. As he grew near, he could see further into the room. The wall appeared to be mostly glass, and there were several dozen white fold-up chairs arranged in rows, and white lilies on standing sprays next to two mahogany caskets. Kristoff's breath caught in his throat as his eyes intruded on a clearly private moment. Just as he inched closer still, a tall dark man in a military uniform stepped out in front of him and abruptly closed the door.

"Best you move along, son," the man uttered firmly. Kristoff could only nod as the man ushered him away.

~X~

He didn't see the girl during the funeral.

Kristoff looked for her among the crowd of people that piled into the room with the caskets once the service began. It was a larger space than he'd first glimpsed, and it was mostly enclosed by slanted glass walls. Several people got up to speak before the open-casket viewing. Each one had their own story of the Aarons, and by the end of each retelling, the eyes in the room were noticeably wetter and faces more flushed and crumpled with grief.

Kristoff chose not to join his parents in line for the viewing. He got up and wandered the many rooms of the large house instead, hoping he might catch another glance of the lovely blue-eyed girl. But all he found were empty rooms and a glare from the uniformed man he'd met earlier. Kristoff gave up and slipped out into the backyard. That's when he saw her again, sitting listlessly on a swing beneath a blossoming dogwood tree.

He considered calling out to her, but he didn't know her name and he figured that calling out "Hey, you," to a girl who had just lost her parents would make him seem like a douche.

Quietly, without so much as a word, he walked over and took the swing beside hers. Glancing briefly at the girl, Kristoff pulled the swing behind him and took a few steps back before he prepared to launch himself forward on the swing. The girl turned his way, looking startled and mouth half-open as if she had something to say, but didn't. Then with a slight hop, Kristoff pulled himself onto the swing and propelled forward, only vaguely aware of the girl's voice as she jumped to her feet and called out behind him.

Kristoff turned his head back but couldn't hear the girl over the loud crack from overhead. Just as his body was swinging forward, the branch holding up the swing came crashing down and Kristoff felt the pull of gravity on his back, slamming him hard into the ground.

"Are you okay?" The girl asked, standing over him.

Kristoff groaned and tried to sit up, only to rest himself flat on his back again.

"I don't know," he replied wincing. "Maybe. But I think I broke my ass."

It wasn't meant to be funny. In fact, his backside hurt like hell, but the blonde-haired girl with the sad blue eyes that stood over him had cracked a small smile. It was just a slight upturn of her mouth, yet there was a vibrance around her that invited him in.

"You dropped your dinner rolls," she pointed out as she leaned over to pick one up. The other two rolls had rolled down into a nearby flower bed.

The girl held the roll out to Kristoff but he just shook his head. She dropped the roll and offered him her free hand instead.

Not bothering to move, Kristoff sighed and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he uttered remorsefully.

"It's just bread."

Her voice was soft and wispy like the wind, and there was kindness in it that only served to make him feel worse.

"Not that," he replied, opening his eyes. He was startled to find her crouched beside him, and he quickly pushed himself up to her eye level. "The tree. I'm sorry for breaking it; it was so thoughtless of me. And I'm sorry for bothering you when you probably just want to be left alone."

Kristoff pushed himself up to his feet and dusted off his pants and his dress jacket. He motioned to leave when the girl took him by the hand.

"Please don't go," she implored earnestly. "You have kind eyes, and I think I need that right now."

Kristoff nodded and let her lead him into the gardens. It felt like the beginning of something. He was on a new path now, strung along by a pretty girl whose name he did not yet know. But maybe she saw something in him too, something worthwhile; all he had to do was follow.

~X~

Her name was Elsa.

By their senior year of high school, Kristoff knew that Elsa was the one for him. They were Kristoff and Elsa. Elsa and Kristoff. It was never one without the other. His family had already become entwined with hers. Elsa and her uncle Mattias had spent the last two Thanksgivings and Christmases at the Bjorgmans', and they had cemented plans for a joint graduation celebration. There had been shared summer vacations, and except for his kid sister, his parents had already embraced Elsa as one of their own. Not that Kristoff hadn't tried some coaxing with Anna.

"Come on, Anna. Be nice. Don't you want a big sister?"

"She's not my sister!"

The Bjorgmans were just as present at Elsa's recitals as they were at Kristoff's football games and Anna's school plays. His mother even had a disc of "Elsa's Greatest Hits" alongside his and Anna's performances. And as much as Anna seemed to resist Elsa's warmth and affection, she had fallen asleep in Elsa's arms during one of Kristoff's games on more than a few occasions. For all her bravado, Kristoff knew that deep down, Anna loved Elsa just as much as their parents did.

It only reaffirmed what he knew to be true. He and Elsa were perfect for each other. And even his parents could see it. He'd overheard them say nearly as much on the night of the homecoming game.

They'd all piled into the family sedan after the game; Kristoff, Anna, and Elsa squeezed into the back seat, with little Anna wedged between them. Maren had been visibly disappointed when Kristoff told her he wouldn't be going to the house party that night. His shoulder was bruised and swollen from the last tackle by a towering linebacker from the opposing team, and all he wanted to do was pass out on his bed until morning. He got no complaints from Elsa. She never wanted to go in the first place. Maren had no warm feelings of friendship for Elsa, and the feeling was mutual.

"You're so lame, bro. Just remember to bring your sorry ass to the lake tomorrow."

Ryder, ever the wordsmith, was always one to shift in the direction of the wind.

"Are you sure you don't want to go?" Elsa had whispered over Anna's sleeping head as the car pulled out of the school's parking lot. Just moments after being buckled into place, Anna's head had tilted down against her own chest, collapsing into sleep after being up so long past her bedtime.

"Nah, we're not missing out on anything," he whispered back.

"You don't have to skip out on fun just because I'm not going."

"I'm having fun with you right now."

"Lies," she scoffed softly. "You're practically falling asleep."

"Yeah, that too."

By the time they hit the freeway, Elsa's eyes were already closed, and Kristoff was only beginning to drift away, exhaustion weighing his eyelids down. Sleep had already claimed him when the distinct soft click of the radio jarred him awake; Closing his eyes, he heard his parents whispering in the front seat.

"It would be perfect if they ended up together, don't you think?" his mother had uttered to his father as he steered, his eyes fixed on the road ahead of him. "I think Agnarr and Iduna would be happy knowing that their little girl was not alone. She has Mattias, but he's a bachelor, and he's got no other kin. That girl needs more family, and we could be that for her."

Kristoff hadn't heard his father's reply, but from his intonation he seemed to be agreeing. When he turned to look at Elsa, he could see that she was awake and she'd heard it too. Her eyes were wide with surprise, and he wondered if maybe, she was finally beginning to see it. Their eyes met and he smiled. She seemed to be embarrassed as she looked away.

In the days that followed he couldn't help but wonder why they weren't together yet after all this time. He liked her. More than liked her. He'd been in love with her for years, and she must've known that. They'd gone to Junior Prom together the year before, and Elsa had asked him to the Sadie Hawkins dance just last week. There wasn't anything they didn't do together. Everyone else could see it too.

"It's so sickening how you two are always attached at the hip,"Maren had remarked after Kristoff declined her invitation to their school dance, informing her that he and Elsa were already going together.

"What's your problem?"

"You are. It's like you're standing so close that you can't even see the big picture, and it pisses me off. Jesus! You don't even know..."

He caught a slight quiver in her voice as her words trailed off. Maren had never looked so stricken with anger, shaking as she was, and Kristoff never did figure out why. Not that it mattered. All he saw was the dream; a white picket fence and his pretty blue-eyed girl waiting for him at the gate, heart in hand, as he pulled up the drive. Not once did that dream include Ryder's insecure and overbearing sister, or any other girl for that matter.

The world was his for the taking; local golden boy, privileged with looks, athleticism, and just enough book smarts to earn him the esteem of his teachers and fellow classmates, especially the girls. He never imagined it could all go up in smoke.

~X~

"What are you talking about? She's not like that, man."

Kristoff wanted to take a swing at Ryder. His friend's words were like a kick to the teeth, one that he was not expecting. It was not like his friend to run his mouth off with lies, but what he'd said had been so utterly insane that a lie was the only thing it could possibly be. Clenching his fists, he walked off before Ryder could say another word, but his best friend was persistent and quickly fell into step beside him.

"Look Kristoff, I'm telling you what I saw. I wouldn't joke about this." Ryder insisted solemnly.

Kristoff laughed, shaking his head as he came to a stop.

"Oh, please. You're honestly telling me that you happened to be in the girl's locker room?" Kristoff replied, thrusting his index finger into Ryder's chest. "Now you're a perv that gets off on secretly watching our friends undress for P.E.?" Ryder's eyes wavered at the implication, and he looked away.

"I knew you were messing with me," Kristoff went on. "It's such an obvious lie."

"Fine, I lied," Ryder admitted, throwing up his hands. "I was never in the girl's locker room, and I didn't see a damn thing. But that doesn't mean it isn't true."

"You know, you're really starting to piss me off." Kristoff peered in Ryder's face, as if searching him for answers. "Maren put you up to this, didn't she?" He finally surmised. "She put this asinine idea in your head about Elsa just because I wouldn't go to the dance with her as her consolation date."

He paused, waiting for Ryder to confirm his conclusion, but when his friend didn't respond, Kristoff drove his point home by adding, "You know I'm right."

Ryder sighed. "You have such a big head sometimes. That's why I wanted it to come from me, cuz I knew you were never gonna believe her. But she saw them. And that gossip, Jasmine, saw it too. It probably won't be long before the rest of the school gets wind of it."

This time it was Ryder's turn to leave. Flipping his backpack over his shoulder, Ryder walked off to his next class, but Kristoff couldn't move. His legs were fixed to the ground, bound like a bronze statue. He wasn't sure what to believe anymore, but it felt like his dream was ending.

~X~

Kristoff could have let her go. There's a lot of things he could have done, but he was seventeen and his small and fragile world revolved around him. Selflessness would not come to define him for another ten years, so he clung on, kicking and screaming like the child that he still was. From the moment that Elsa first took his hand four years ago, Kristoff had begun to map out their future together. He could see it as clearly as the constellations in the sky. His future was the night canvass, and Elsa was his North Star. And nothing would convince him otherwise, not even her.

He had expected her to deny it, and expose it for the lie that he had hoped it to be. But as soon as he spilled what Ryder had told him, Elsa crumbled. The wild alarm in her eyes, and the guilt exuding from her like smoke from an invisible fire spoke volumes.

"You're not like that! You can't be!" he bellowed, and she winced. Momentarily stricken by how small she seemed, he drew back his voice. "It would ruin everything." he went on. "With us. With our families."

"I'm not trying to hurt anyone-"

"But you are!" he cut her off. "My parents love you. You're already family to them and you're wrecking it!"

"I don't mean to. I love them. And you. You're everything to me. You know that. Your family means the world to me."

"But you don't love love me, do you? Like someone you want to be with."

Elsa opened her mouth to speak, but the sorrow in her eyes gave him her answer.

"Do this and it all ends," he said before she could respond. "You, me. Our families. We're done."

He was hurting her, and he knew it too. He could see it in her eyes. But she needed to understand what she was costing them.

"You can't mean that," she uttered, reaching for his arm.

Kristoff pulled away and took a step back.

"You have to choose," he insisted. "It's all or nothing. You can't have it both ways," Kristoff's voice cracked and his eyes stung. He was breaking. His anger and resentment had been enough to hold him together, but as those feelings left him, only the pain of losing her remained.

"I've loved you," he confessed, his voice shaking now. "You must know that. And I still love you, but I can't have you in my life if you can't love me back. So you have to choose. You just have to."

He waited for her answer, and for the first time since they'd known each other, he was truly afraid of what she might say. There was a part of him that wanted to take it all back and play it off as a tasteless joke. He'd say anything, as long as he didn't lose her.

Elsa hung her head down and stared intensely into her hands, cupping them anxiously, and Kristoff imagined that she was looking into a cup of tea leaves, reading his fortune for a future that might never come.

"If those are the only choices," she finally answered, her words slow and deliberate, "if choosing wrong means I lose us and our families, then... I choose you."

~X~

"Kristoff, please don't tell dad."

Anna's voice persisted in his head, even after the six-pack bottles of Coronas he'd torn into. He couldn't tell Ryder what he'd walked into without breaking down into a sobbing mess, let alone his own father.

"They betrayed me," was all he could say, hiding his wet face in his hands while Ryder gently placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and moved the opened beer bottle out of Kristoff's reach.

It had taken him nearly an hour to get to his friend's place by foot. Kristoff had been so flustered after he'd left his house, after Anna had begged him not to say anything to their father, that he'd angrily hurled his car keys onto the neighbor's roof. It was a stupid move, and he should have thought it through, but he'd been too blinded by rage to see it.

Shortly after, Ryder set him up with a pillow and blankets in the living room, and some toiletries and a bath towel in the bathroom. Kristoff didn't say much after. Ryder seemed to already know, and he wondered if Anna had called his friend and told him the whole story. He didn't go back home for six days, spending his nights on his best friend's couch, watching football and avoiding all talk of his wife and sister.

On the sixth night, his father and aunt came to take him home. Aunt Yelena wrapped her arms around him and called him her baby boy, and his father nodded at him silently. Elsa had moved out of the house, his aunt had explained, and Anna was staying with Hans for the time being, waiting for a dorm room to become available on campus. He barely spoke on the ride home. The closer they got to the house, the harder it got to push back his memories of that day, and for the moment he needed only to forget.

Kristoff was unexpectedly numb when they walked into the house. He'd expected a mess, but it was surprisingly pristine, and he wondered if his mother had taken the time to stop by and fix it up. He was almost certain she had. Things were missing that belonged to his wife; pictures on the walls, books on the shelves, and her collection of glass snowflake figurines. Instead, they'd been replaced and rearranged to remove the emptiness that had been left behind. Their wedding picture was still over the mantle. She hadn't bothered to take that one. To an outsider looking in, his home had all the appearances of a happy one. It wasn't until he made it to their bedroom that it finally sunk in just how final their separation was.

Elsa had emptied the drawers of all her underthings, and her half of their shared closet space had been cleared of everything except for three mangled wire hangers. She was gone. And all her things with her.

Kristoff sat on the corner of their bed and stared at his cupped hands, wondering how he could possibly get through the next few nights alone in their house. In spite of what had to come to pass, he still couldn't imagine a future without her. Or any kind of future at all.