Chapter 8
Izuku knows he should have killed Bakugou.
He should have, he could have, but there's a sinking feeling in his gut that told him that he'd regret it if he did. It has nothing to do with morality or any sense of idealistic naivety but there's something deep within him, tugging at his nerves like strings until he firmly decides that leaving Bakugou to die on his own is necessary. Maybe it'd prove to be his biggest mistake but he trusts his instinct more than his logic: he only has himself, after all.
Naturally he returned to the tent and took what he could—salted meat, medicinal herbs, anything useful—but if he wants to get out of here as quickly as possible he can't bring as much as he'd like, so whatever he can't take he throws in the burning flames of the campfire. If Bakugou somehow drags himself out of his predicament, Izuku wants to make sure he can't treat his hand with any of the herbs Uraraka left for him. Burning the remaining meat is a waste but he actually kind of hopes the scent attracts some wolves that end up disemboweling Bakugou's mangled corpse.
However, while digging through some things, he manages to find a map. He has no idea where he is but he figures that taking it now and reading it later would be the best option. After all, putting some distance between him and Bakugou would be the best thing to do right now so he folds it up and tucks it in the bag's front pocket.
As for a weapon...
Izuku combs through the supplies before finding Bakugou's dagger buried beneath a few piles of dirty clothes. He was so confident that he hadn't even brought it to the hot springs, but it's deadly sharp and he probably could have gut Izuku like a fish if he decided to keep it nearby. The blade is a cool steel but the very edge of it has a deep red outline, stained with blood and the sight makes Izuku's stomach churn. However, just holding it feels strangely comforting but he tries not to think much of it and instead attempts to focus on the task at hand.
Despite the fact that he successfully won against Bakugou for once, Izuku finds himself incredibly nervous. His hands tremble as he shoves the food in his bag, terrified nausea rises in his throat, and eventually it gets to the point where he's shaking so hard that he can't even think straight. Every so often he throws a glance over his shoulder while keeping the tips of his fingers brushing over the knife's handle, just in case Bakugou returns to make good on all ten of his threats.
But he never does.
Even so, Izuku's gut feeling has been screaming for him to get out of there. Once he finishes taking what he can and destroying the rest, he takes the knife in hand, yanks the pack over his shoulder, and begins trekking through the underbrush.
He starts with a brisk pace but eventually it doesn't satiate his anxiety. Every few moments he's glancing behind him to watch for Bakugou and his ears strain to the point of paranoia: a crunching sound makes him jump until he realizes it was just his own bare foot crushing a leaf instead of the alpha in hot pursuit. It's impossible to shake the creeping feeling of being hunted so he breaks into a jog.
And then a sprint.
And now it feels like he's running for his
life.
The cloak flutters around him, catching on branches and tearing at the fabric. He doesn't care though, he doesn't care at all. Bakugou must be right behind him, he must be coming for him. He's hunting him right now and when he gets his hands on him...
Izuku's blood chills and he throws another glance over his shoulder but there's still nothing. Why is he so scared? He shouldn't be, right? He just beat Bakugou. He won, so why does it feel like his heart is pounding so hard?
At this point, he has no idea how far he's run and there's just been nothing but endless forest. Even when he feels like his legs ache and throb with exhaustion he just keeps sprinting, pushing himself further and further. His bare feet feel raw and a little bloody from thorns and occasional brambles but adrenaline pumps through him to keep him going. The sheer terror of Bakugou catching up is enough to drive him for hundreds of meters.
But eventually Izuku slows down, since his body can only take so much and his calves burn like acid. Gulping down panicked breaths, he leans against a tree trunk and slides down until he's seated on the forest floor. His grip tightens around the handle of the knife but his hands won't stop shaking, heart skipping beats in his chest.
He needs to ground himself and relax: his greatest advantage is a head start and Bakugou is probably bleeding out and dying anyways. There's no need to work himself up over something like this and as long as he calms down and thinks rationally, he'll be able to survive this. Taking deep breaths, he digs around the bag and pulls out the map to check the general area. He hadn't planned anything out beyond escaping so he needs to know where he wants to go, especially since getting lost will add to his stress.
But when Izuku opens the folded parchment, his heart falls. He can read the
legend without much difficulty—it's fairly obvious that triangles are mountains, stars are large cities, and various other symbols are easy to decipher—but there are notes and notes scribed in a language he can't understand. Maybe it's Bakugou's native tongue, and if he's the one who wrote all these then maybe they're important. He said that they were going to travel to a new kingdom to conquer, but just from looking at the map Izuku has no idea which one is the target.
His eyes scan over the parchment as he searches for his kingdom as a starting point. It's an island off the coast of the major continent and... it's actually much smaller than he initially thought. As a prince he had to learn world geography, but after his mother closed the borders, his memory of the lessons began to fade. Now that a map is in front of him again he's reminded just how tiny his nation is compared to others: he recognizes Bakugou's right off the bat since his own island was recently colored green to indicate that it's a territory that has been added under the alpha's rule. Over half of the entire content has been shaded in and a chill crawls up Izuku's spine.
Bakugou really is trying to take over the world.
There are a couple other continents untouched by Bakugou but last Izuku heard, all those nations have closed their borders to keep his forces out. They would much rather become allies than enemies and it seems like they're hoping that they can discourage him from conquering their soil. Judging from Bakugou's drive, even they won't last long if he keeps his military strategy. Appeasing him and attempting to seek some sort of treaty or compromise can't possibly work.
Izuku rubs his temple, letting the map fall into his lap. There are a handful of remaining countries colored red, which he can only assume are "enemies." If Bakugou was aiming to conquer a new kingdom it must mean
that his army was headed to one of those territories, and if Izuku can get through the borders, then maybe he has a chance of staying safe.
But... each country is at least ten or fifteen times smaller than Bakugou's massive empire. From the map alone he can tell the difference in size, resources, and manpower. Could any of these nations really stand a chance against the alpha's army? They'd have to band together to drive Bakugou back towards the north and maybe Izuku can help somehow, but that's only if they're taking refugees. It's entirely possible that they're not, but...
All he can do is head south towards those unconquered kingdoms and hope for the best. There isn't any other way to run or hide from Bakugou and maybe he'll be able to find his mother in the process. The thought fills him with warmth, sparks of hope igniting in his chest. It's been seven months since he's seen her and with her absence he was forced to take the throne during the war with Bakugou. He was supposed to inherit it at least a decade later but... desperate times call for desperate measures.
Speaking of which, sometimes he thinks back to the day Bakugou's army docked on the shores. It's pathetic that the entire army swarmed the island in only a couple weeks and no matter how Izuku tried to utilize strategy, each battle ended in a bloodbath for his military and other civilians. They were the most terrifying days of his life and he felt like the faith his people had in him had disappeared entirely. He might be a prince by definition but as a ruler, he failed his country when it needed him the most.
Izuku rolls up the map and tucks it back in his bag, standing back up on shaky legs as he pushes his guilt aside. Right now isn't the time to indulge in self pity, and despite the fact that his rulership was lacking, Bakugou would have probably crushed him no matter how hard he tried. Judging from the map his empire is so massive that Izuku's tiny nation had no chance, not in a million years. Even if he surrendered the losses would be just as enormous and Bakugou might have just killed him on the spot for not providing an interesting fight.
Glancing up towards the sky, Izuku takes note of the sun's placement. If it rises in the east and sets in the west then that means he knows exactly which direction lies south. Lucky for him, it just so happens to be slightly right of where he was originally running so he starts off a little slower this time. If he doesn't keep his energy then he'll run out of stamina within hours and he has a long way to go til he reaches a kingdom that could possibly help him.
Every now and then anxiety begins to rise in his chest, forcing him to toss a couple glances back as he fights back the urge to break into another sprint. He tries to calm himself down before he starts trembling harder than he already is. Covering as much distance as possible is a priority but it's a bit hard when he's shaking like a leaf and jumping every time he hears a noise from a bird or a squirrel.
However, after a handful of minutes, Izuku senses something. Something that's not a bird or a squirrel, no, something much larger.
Maybe it's the paranoia so he attempts to ignore it, but he recognizes a lingering presence that he can just feel. He slackens his jaw and tastes the air but there's nothing he can smell besides damp wood. Still, this is different than ordinary fear.
A twig suddenly snaps, the sound deafening as it breaks the dead silence.
Izuku stops in his tracks and glances back again, only to be met with the sight of empty forest and leafy ferns. His eyes dart around him but he sees nothing out of place, which only intensifies his dread. There's no way Bakugou could have gotten up after that wound, right? He's only human and that hand was absolutely grotesque.
But right as he tastes the air again, the scent of beta hits the roof of his mouth.
His heart jumps and he spins around with knife in hand, the steel tip immediately pressing itself against a man's throat. Izuku immediately recognizes him as Kirishima, one of Bakugou's generals: the red hair, even brighter red eyes, and olive skin are a memorable combination. Bakugou once spoke of how the general is his right hand man, and the sudden realization makes Izuku's pulse drum quicker with panic. He feels cold metal against his own neck, and he realizes that the beta has his dagger against Izuku's skin. One slice and it would be over.
How the hell did he conceal his presence that well? Izuku hadn't smelled him til he was right there and now he's so close that his heart is hammering in his chest with panic. The general shouldn't even be here right now... didn't Bakugou say that all his men were told to move to the next kingdom?
"Drop the knife," Kirishima says with a growl.
Izuku doesn't reply, eyes narrowing as he tightens his grip on the blade's handle. The beta seems irritated with his lack of response and presses the tip a bit harder against Izuku's flesh.
"I will kill you if that weapon doesn't hit the ground in ten seconds."
"And I'll kill you before those ten seconds are up," the omega snarls through grit teeth, thanking every god under the sun for keeping his voice steady. "Back the fuck off before I start counting."
The threat seems effective because after a couple silent moments, Kirishima takes a few steps away. His eyes are sharp and dangerous however, and Izuku keeps the knife pointed towards him in case he makes any sudden
movements. Just from his build alone Izuku can tell that he's a bit older and he probably has years and years of combat experience. Izuku is nothing but an amateur fighter who knows basic self defense techniques, so he has to be careful.
In the meantime, however, he notices the way the general's eyes process Izuku's appearance. They're not lustful but instead hard like stone, dissecting every part of him with cold, impersonal precision. Eventually his gaze settles on the cloak wrapped around Izuku's shoulders, so large that it reaches the halfway point of his thighs.
"Katsuki isn't with you." There's no weakness to Kirishima's voice, no soft crevice to be exploited. "Where is he?"
Izuku feels his mouth go dry and he swallows down his growing apprehension. If he lies about Bakugou and directs the general the wrong way, Kirishima will probably come full circle and kill him later... but if he tells the truth then he'll be dragged right back to Bakugou's feet. Izuku can try to fight him right here but that would also probably end in death. The only option left is giving a half truth to stall the situation a bit, but Izuku will have to choose one of the options eventually. With the blade pointed a bit downwards, he squeezes the handle until his knuckles turn white.
"Bakugou got hurt," Izuku speaks steadily, keeping his eyes on him.
"How hurt is he?"
"Very hurt. The last time I saw him he was bleeding a lot."
A few moments of silence pass and Kirishima seems to look past him a bit before his gaze returns to Izuku's. "Is he nearby?"
"I don't think so." If Kirishima gets to Bakugou before he bleeds out then it's no
guarantee that he'll survive anyways. What Izuku has to worry about is being forced to return to the alpha right after this successful escape.
As if Kirishima read his mind, he cocks his head to the side. "You're headed south,
aren't you?" "That's none of your business," Izuku says with narrow eyes, raising
the knife a bit higher.
"You can't hide there," he replies coolly. "When they find out you're Bakugou's mate, they'll turn you over to him in exchange for allyship. I've seen kings give up their sons and daughters in failed attempts to make peace with Katsuki and you'll meet the same fate."
Izuku's heart falls even if he doesn't let the hopelessness cross his expression. Honestly he hadn't thought of that and it's just another testament to his political naivety.
"I don't know where else I'm supposed to go," he says, and this time his voice cracks. "I can't go back to Bakugou."
Kirishima grimaces. "You don't have to."
It takes a few moments for Izuku to truly process his words before blinking back confusion. "You... you don't want me to go back?"
"If you travel to the south and seek asylum, you'll be right back where you started in a matter of days. If you go back to Bakugou... well, that's self explanatory," the general says, tilting his blade and pointing it to the side. "Your best chance at survival is heading north."
"But that's where the empire is."
"Exactly." Izuku swallows and his fingertips buzz with apprehension. "Going straight into Bakugou's territory doesn't seem like a good idea."
"You'd be surprised, actually. If Katsuki is as wounded as you say then it'll take me quite a while to bring him to where our military set up camp," Kirishima explains easily. "As in, it'll give you enough time to travel to the empire border, pass through, and continue traveling north. Katsuki will scour the southern kingdoms for you which will only give you more time to establish yourself somewhere in the empire."
He lowers his weapon slightly but keeps his eyes on the general. Trusting someone this close to Bakugou is a mistake so he won't listen to him blindly, but the proposed strategy does make some sense. Also, when Bakugou first introduced him to his generals it was obvious that Kirishima disliked him the most. In contrast to Mina's excitement, his eyes were filled with poisonous, bitter disdain that Izuku could sense from a mile away.
But... it still doesn't really add up.
"You know why I want to stay away from Bakugou," he says slowly. "But what about you? Until I know why you want to help me, then I have no choice but to assume that you're leading me into a trap."
Kirishima sighs with annoyance. "I don't have to explain anything to you."
"You don't have to, but I'm not going to listen to someone close to the man who hurt me without getting some insight on their motives."
That makes the general's eyes narrow, but Izuku stands his ground and refuses to budge no matter how venomous his expression becomes. Finally, Kirishima seems to begrudgingly give in and he lowers his weapon several degrees.
"To sum things up, I don't like you very much."
"I can tell," Izuku replies dryly.
"But if that was all there is to it, then I would swallow it down and compromise," Kirishima says coldly. "This situation is incredibly delicate and complex. The nature of it can't be simplified easily due to the circumstances."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"There's levels to the problem. Katsuki is a prince, an alpha prince, which means he must choose an alpha female. The people would be sickened if they found out that you were his mate," Kirishima says with narrowed eyes. "If Katsuki dragged you around as a cheap fuck then it wouldn't be an issue, but something like you can't be mated to someone like him. Male omegas are a fetish, something to be fucked when alphas get horny. You're freaks of nature."
Izuku's eyes harden but Kirishima only continues, meeting his gaze head on.
"You can't control yourselves and everyone knows that the proper occupation for an omega is being a whore," Kirishima growls. "You can't be in politics when you're drooling like a slut for alpha cock. You can't even be a proper parent for Katsuki's litter, since omegas are notorious for neglecting their young in favor of searching for more dick to fill themselves with. The empire would be ruined if you were its queen."
"Then why did Bakugou bond with me if he knew this shit would happen," Izuku hisses through grit teeth. The poison in Kirishima's voice is so personal, so toxic and bitter that it chills him to the bone. However, he visibly relaxes upon mentioning Bakugou, which is good because Izuku was afraid that the beta would keep frothing from the mouth. "That's the delicate part. Katsuki doesn't really understand culture or how our society operates."
"It shouldn't be that hard for him figure out." Izuku obviously hates Bakugou for the life of him but he can't deny that he's actually relatively smart.
"What I mean is that he can't register it. He can't process relationships or human connection like the rest of us can," Kirishima admits, and as he averts his gaze, it becomes obvious that he's a little ashamed of saying such a thing. "But I've been by his side longer than anyone so I'll continue to be his crutch."
"And by getting rid of me, you're doing what you think is best for him," Izuku
concludes. "That's right."
"And why haven't you just killed me? It'd be a permanent solution to your problem, but instead you're letting me escape."
The question makes Kirishima's eyes rise back towards him. "Your scent would be all over me no matter how I killed you, and if not, then your corpse would be drenched in my scent. I don't want Katsuki to know I'm involved in this."
A chill creeps down Izuku's spine. The fact that that's the only reason that Kirishima hasn't murdered him is unnerving, but it makes sense in a warped way. He has to watch his step around the general though, because unlike Bakugou, Izuku is completely invaluable to him.
However... there's something else about this that feels subtle. Passive, maybe even hidden. It's in Kirishima's mannerisms and the way he talks about Bakugou, the way he becomes so protective and possessive during the conversation whenever the alpha's safety is brought up.
"You're jealous, aren't you?"
Kirishima immediately lifts the knife back towards Izuku, gaze hardening defensively. "What?"
"I mean in a platonic sense," Izuku clarifies. He doesn't want the general to become too hostile so he lowers his voice slightly. "You said you were by his side longer than anyone, right? So it must be insulting to be pushed aside in favor of someone else. Someone like me."
For a moment he thinks Kirishima will lunge for his throat but instead he relaxes a bit. Izuku continues tentatively, careful not to offend him.
"I could tell that you were disgusted from the second you laid eyes on me. Bakugou tossed away battle plans just to stay with me when it was obvious that I didn't even appreciate him like you do." Saying that makes his stomach churn with nausea but he doesn't want Kirishima pursuing him after he finds out how Bakugou's wound was dealt, so trying to empathize would be a good idea.
"When Katsuki entered your castle, I got a bad feeling that things were about to change," the general growls. "It's the same feeling that made me return here because I knew he was hurt. I felt it in my gut and I couldn't even sleep because it was driving me up the wall." "It's because you care," Izuku murmurs, but Kirishima grimaces and squeezes the knife tighter.
"He's amazing but you can't even see it, and honestly that works for me
since I can be there to help him now that you've left him for dead. He'll finally be able to understand that I'm the one who will stay with him despite everything, and you're just an ungrateful, shitty omega who can't appreciate the scraps he's been thrown."
Izuku's eyes flare but he swallows down bitter words, which is difficult but necessary because pissing Kirishima off further will probably be the last mistake he'll ever make. Instead, he calms himself and focuses on releasing the angry tension in his shoulders. The general has made it painfully obvious that he hates Izuku and his opinion won't shift in the slightest.
"You're right," he speaks slowly, choosing his words carefully. "I am ungrateful and I probably won't ever appreciate him, but if you want to be his savior in his time of need then utilize this opportunity."
Kirishima narrows his eyes. "I was planning on it."
"Good. All you have to do is go the way I came and you'll arrive at the campsite—"
"I'm not stupid, I know my way through a forest and you're terrible at covering your tracks." Izuku finally relaxes once Kirishima returns his blade to his sheath, but he's still too nervous to put his own knife away so he just keeps it pointed towards the ground. "Just stay out of my way in the future and I'll make sure you two stay apart."
I wasn't even in your way... you were the one who came and confronted me. "And what if he finds me again?"
"He won't, and I'll do anything it takes to make sure that doesn't happen," Kirishima says with narrowed eyes. "Even killing you as a last resort."
Izuku's stomach drops and the general pushes past him, following the
broken trail through the underbrush. This situation is just getting worse by the minute and he can't help but wonder how much more complex it can get. Deep down he's glad he didn't kill Bakugou before because Kirishima would have murdered him without hesitation... but if Bakugou dies from the blood loss then he is completely and utterly screwed.
All he can do is hope that Bakugou survives, and ironically, that's one of the last things he ever expected to wish for.
After a few days of grueling travel, there's no shift in the bond. There's also no knife in Izuku's back which is relieving, but if Kirishima hasn't returned to mutilate him in the most gruesome way possible then it must mean he found Bakugou and is trying to keep him alive somehow.
However, the journey north has been so awful that he almost wishes Kirishima had killed him back then. Izuku is a terrible planner so he hadn't thought about much beyond the escape. He figured that everything else would work itself out but he was so wrong that it's laughable. Or, it would be if he had the energy to laugh at all.
The first day went well though he was unbelievably anxious the entire time since he was expecting Kirishima to come back and slaughter him. He couldn't even sleep that night and even if he wanted to, it probably wouldn't be an option: Bakugou's cloak hadn't shielded him from the cold since he isn't wearing anything underneath, and the alpha's scent clings so mercilessly to the fabric that just a whiff gives him unbearable insomnia. He was never able to sleep around Bakugou before and he hadn't registered the consequence of bringing his belongings.
So Izuku spent the night continuing to head north—if he's not tired he might as
well make some more progress—and he internally thanked his mother for forcing him to learn basic astronomy because it kept him from getting lost in the wilderness. However, it was only a matter of time until he realized that traveling for extended amounts of time without rest will take its toll.
In this case, it manifested itself as blood rolling down his thighs. Moving as much as he did ended up reopening the wound and eventually he had no choice but to curl up against a tree to rest. His legs ached and his body hurt in a way that felt unbearable to stay awake, but with alpha scent infecting his lungs as he slept, jarring and violent images burned in his mind and rose to the surface as nightmares. He woke up with his cheeks wet with tears and scent glands swollen, inflamed against his neck. They pulsed and throbbed for hours and it felt like there would be no relief.
In the midst of Izuku's exhaustion he wasn't not even sure if he ate the correct herbs to drive away infection, so all he could do is hope. Despite how sick he felt he still forced himself to eat though: a few bread rolls and some cheese will suffice. Later on he tried the jerky and it wasn't as bad as he initially assumed.
However, the second night rendered him completely unable to rest and at that point he wondered if this was just his ordinary sleep pattern ingrained in his body. Bakugou would spend nights with him but leave during early morning, and that was when Izuku allowed himself to drift off to sleep. Just remembering the alpha's hands on him makes his stomach churn, and he pushes it away by forcing himself to continue traveling.
He has to take the opportunity he made for himself or else none of this will have been worth it.
But still, by the third day he's exhausted and despite eating regularly he feels like he's slowly wasting away. Every step exerts all his energy and it's killing him, draining him of willpower. According to the map he should be close to
the border now but it still looks like the same damn forest with the same damn trees that he's seen a million times over. He only slept for a couple hours during the first morning and now he's been deprived of rest for over forty eight hours.
And then, as if things couldn't get any worse, thunder booms above him. Dark clouds give only a few minutes of warning before a downpour drenches Izuku with freezing cold rain. There's no safe haven from the rising storm and it only gets worse by the hour, so he tries his hardest to find a cave or something to shield his trembling body. Eventually he tucks himself in a hollowed out tree trunk and wraps the cloak tightly around his shoulders, but it's already soaked with water and it doesn't warm him up at all.
Everything hurts and he's so impossibly tired. His swollen wrist aches every time he moves and he feels completely drained of energy. Once the food runs out he's not sure what he's going to do: the storm might not clear up for a while and he has no idea when he's going to reach empire territory. At least the rain would wash away his scent so Bakugou can't track him, and despite being anxious of the alpha's return, he physically can't stay awake. Every few moments he finds his vision darkening and his mind drifting off into darkness. Except this time, it's more than simple sleep. Something rises from the murky depths of his mind and shifts, rippling across his consciousness. It grows and grows until it reaches the surface.
Deku inhales, cold air filling his lungs as his eyes slide open. His head aches and throbs but his pain tolerance allows him to ignore it without much trouble. If anything, he's more concerned with where he is at the moment. He feels disoriented and confused so he takes a few moments to adjust before he blinks a few times, reluctantly crawling out of the tree to investigate and sniff around the leaves.
It doesn't take long for him to realize he's completely alone. His surroundings are entirely unfamiliar, not to mention he's never been outside before. All he remembers is the inside of that tent and...
Kacchan.
He immediately reaches to touch the cloak's matted fluff that clings to his neck, the white color now matted and filthy from travel. It smells like sweat and rain but as he presses his nose into the collar, his eyes flutter closed the second he picks up Kacchan's scent— strong, powerful spice and ash—and he immediately rubs his knees together with a whine. Slick dribbles from his hole and both glands throb with heat, arousal pulsing through him.
Kacchan...
His mind drifts back to the tent and the way the alpha touched him: calloused hands sliding over his thighs, squeezing them and purring soft whispers of praise. Kacchan is so gentle that it makes his heart melt into puddle of love. All Deku wants to do is please him, make him proud and happy. He needs Kacchan to fill him with pups, strong pups who will grow up to be as kind and wonderful as their father.
However, Kacchan is nowhere to be found.
He didn't leave... right?
The thought immediately chills Deku to the bone and his fingers buzz with apprehension. Everything Kacchan does is so amazing, so dazzling, he's like the sun and the sun is beautiful, bright, and brilliant. He's fire and power and victory all wrapped into one person while Deku is just... Deku. Useless Deku with no purpose, and if Kacchan is the sun then Deku is nothing but Pluto spinning around him, spinning aimlessly and without direction if not for the pull of gravity to keep them together.
But Deku... he's useless. Without Kacchan, he doesn't even exist. Life is meaningless, no, there is no life. He was made to please Kacchan, to take
every good and bad thing Kacchan has felt and absorb it into himself even if it destroys him.
Deku glances at his surroundings again, feeling a bit more anxious this time. He hopes that making some noise will bring Kacchan back so he starts by whimpering softly in the way the alpha likes. It's needy and whiny, gradually becoming progressively louder until it echoes off the trees. Eventually it gets to the point where the glands feel so swollen and sore that he has to rub them to feel calm, but they're sensitive and it's only a matter of time until slick rolls down his thighs.
Reaching through the bond, Deku continues his whimpering and tries to pull the alpha's presence towards his location. There's nothing to be felt though, and the desperation to be touched and held eventually overrides his thoughts. He wants to feel Kacchan's lips against his neck, the alpha's hips rocking against his own, he just wants to feel him there.
Soon enough Deku's skin feels warm as it tingles with goosebumps, chest tightening with panic. If his purpose is Kacchan and Kacchan isn't here to use him... He doesn't really exist, does he?
Tears roll down his cheeks and he grasps his hair into tight fists. Sharp pains shoot through his wounded wrist but he feels so terrified that he doesn't even register it. A broken sob slips past his lips and the world spins around him as he brings his forehead against the cool forest floor, stabilizing himself. Nothing about him is real: not his thoughts, his body, his feelings. Kacchan left him even though he tried his hardest to be the best mate he could and now he's been abandoned.
The word rings in his mind and a giggle rises in his throat. He loves Kacchan, he lives and breathes for him. Everything he does and feels is a product of him and now there's nothing left. There's no sanity, no purpose, he's better off
dead— And right then, a certain scent hits his nose and snaps his surroundings into focus.
Deku sits up almost immediately, blinking a few times as his pupils dilate. He smells alpha and his mouth instinctively begins to water: nothing about the scent is remotely like Bakugou, as it's much warmer and sweeter. It goes straight to his core as slick insistently drips down his thighs and collects in a small puddle between his legs. The clash of chemicals in his brain makes his head ache from the psychological whiplash—one second he was crumbling and now he's needy and horny—so it takes a few moments for him to adjust to the new fixation.
Until Kacchan returns he needs to find a way to be useful, even temporarily, because if not then he's nothing but an empty vessel with nothing to fill him. There's still tears sliding down his cheeks since the grief lags from the switch in mindset, but he takes Kacchan's knife in his jaws, presses his nose against the dirt, and begins crawling through the ferns in the scent's direction. The bag drags alongside him, still slung across his shoulder, but he doesn't pay it much attention. He's entirely fixed on his new purpose and nothing could possibly stop him.
However, a few hours pass his knees throb and his throat becomes parched from the amount of slick dripping from his swollen, puffy hole. His body feels drained while his mind buzzes with activity, honed in on the scent that makes his gums ache from the sweetness. It doesn't help that the knife is in his mouth since he's drooling everywhere, but even so, it gets stronger and stronger even as cold droplets begin to fall from the sky once more. Soon enough it's raining again and he's soaked, hair plastered to his forehead and strands clinging together. Luckily his senses are heightened so he can still track down the alpha as another storm brews overhead.
Then, he sees it.
Through the pouring rain and thick underbrush, he spots faint outline of a cabin. As he draws nearer he notices the window is blown wide open and the shutters rattle against the walls as the winds pick up. Whoever's responsible for this scent must be inside and the thought immediately relieves him. The sooner he can breed the sooner he'll have a purpose once more.
Deku rises on his haunches and rests his chin on the window sill, peering inside as he gives soft whines. The cabin's interior is entirely dark and although he can't really see anyone at the moment, the scent undeniably originates from this place: it rolls out of the cabin in waves, powerful and strong. Drool leaks from around the blade and drips down his chin, pooling on the wood.
He doesn't feel comfortable standing—Kacchan told him that he belongs on his knees and that's where he'll stay—so it takes a little maneuvering to crawl in without doing such. His determination precedes the obstacle however, and soon enough he's rolling through the window as his body hits the floor with a heavy thud. Deku ignores it entirely and soon enough his eyes are scanning his surroundings, wide pupils allowing him to see despite the room being almost pitch black.
The cabin is only a single room with a bed, a table, and a small kitchen tucked by the front door. It's empty right now but this place was used recently, since the stench of alpha is so thick and fresh that more and more slick mercilessly runs down his thighs with each passing second. Leaving Kacchan's things behind, he drags himself across the floor towards the direct origin of that powerful scent: the bed.
Deku climbs on top of it and presses his nose against the mattress, only for his pupils to expand wider as his breath quickens. Nuzzling against the pillow, he sinks into it while kicking and tugging at the sheets around him to create a proper nest. He wraps one of the softer blankets around him and buries his
face into the fabric, his trembling body adjusting to the newfound warmth.
It doesn't feel right, though. Alpha scent tastes wonderful but it doesn't compare to the comfort Kacchan gives him. It takes him a few extra moments but he slips out of the bed to retrieve the knife and cloak—both in his mouth as he drags them back up to his nest—to keep them close during the night. The cloak is sopping wet but Deku keeps it next to the bed frame so he can breathe its scent as he sleeps.
As for the knife, however, he tucks it under his pillow: it feels strange to acknowledge but the blade feels like a protective charm. It's something to keep close because it feels like Kacchan is always with him to protect him and fill his heart with undeniable warmth. With fingers pressing against the cool metal, Deku attempts to channel the feeling through the bond but he feels nothing but persistent emptiness.
A worried whine slips past his lips and he nuzzles his cheek into the blankets. He'll be strong for Kacchan because he knows the alpha will come find him. Kacchan promised to stay with him forever, to never let him go, and Deku believes he'd never break his word.
And with that thought he drifts off, the drizzling rain lulling him into a deep sleep.
Something brushes against his shoulder and Izuku's eyes immediately fly open.
He catches a glimpse of a fuzzy silhouette above him right as alpha scent hits his palette, and that triggers a spike of adrenaline that short circuits his brain with panic. Before he can think, he instinctively wraps his hand around the knife—how did he know it was below the pillow?—before swinging it upwards
to aim for the throat.
"Woah, watch it!"
The blade catches nothing but air and he strikes again, this time slicing across flesh. A surprised howl of pain reaches his ears and Izuku scrambles backwards until his back hits... a bed frame? He yanks the blanket tighter against his body but points the knife outwards, heart pounding in his chest as his eyes quickly adjust to the candlelight. Inhaling alpha scent blows his pupils so wide that his head reels from the unfamiliar brightness.
Where the hell is he?
The last thing he remembers is falling unconscious in the forest and now he's somewhere indoors: it looks like some kind of cottage or house, but the bed, kitchen, and dining table are all in one room. How the hell he got there is beyond him, though he's beginning to think it has something to do with the man who's crumpled at the foot of the bed with blood oozing from his arm. The wound isn't deep as it only slices horizontally across the front of the arm but he's glad he could at least do some damage. "Who the hell are you? Why are you grabbing me like that when I'm sleeping?" Izuku snarls with narrow eyes. "Don't you know that scares people?"
"I was just trying to wake you up and I didn't think you had a knife," the alpha shoots back, and when he finally stands from the creaky floorboards, Izuku's heart thuds in his throat. He's even larger than Bakugou and his brain spins with dread.
"Stay back!" Izuku demands, but his thin voice breaks his composure. Several terrifying scenarios cycle through his mind and he finds himself shrinking back until he's curled against the wall entirely. Being cornered like this only amplifies his fight or flight instinct and it makes him dizzy with fear.
Thankfully the alpha seems to listen to his words: with arms raised in surrender, he takes several steps away from the bed and towards the other side of the room.
"Okay, okay. I'm backing off now, just don't give yourself a heart attack over this."
At least his scent is much lighter than Bakugou's—gentle sandalwood rather than heavy smoke and ash—but his presence is still terrifying nonetheless. Izuku keeps the knife pointed at him just in case he makes any sudden movements, taking some time to study his features: the alpha dons a blue cloak that reaches his waist with dark, neatly combed hair. Glasses rest on the bridge of his nose, framing red eyes.
Izuku doesn't even realize he's crying until he feels silent tears rolling down his cheeks.
This never happened when he confronted Kirishima and the beta had eyes similar to Bakugou, but maybe it's the alpha scent combined with that awful red color. The damn pheromones fill his lungs and it's physically painful to breathe, he feels suffocated and disgusted as the smell clings to his skin, his clothes, the blankets, everything in the room.
The stranger is silent, watching him intently. It's uncomfortable and even as Izuku shrinks back against the frame, he can't disappear from the man's gaze entirely. His anxiety rises by the second and eventually it gets to the point where he can hardly stand it.
"Stop looking at me," Izuku growls, his lack of composure giving away to his shaky voice.
"You just snuck into my cabin, attempted to stab me, and now you're crying," the alpha says with a frown. "I'm not sure what else is supposed to be drawing my attention right now."
Izuku's eyes narrow and he grits his teeth, wiping his tears away with his arm. "I didn't sneak in, you took me here."
"I assure you that I didn't do that. I found you on the bed with the window wide open."
"Well I don't remember it so it must have been you."
The stranger huffs and his expression hardens. "I mean what I said. You can choose not to believe me but I'm not a liar."
That's something Bakugou would say, a voice whispers in the back of Izuku's mind. The last thing he remembers is trying to navigate endless forest and now he's in someone's house. It doesn't make the least bit of sense but... on the off chance that the man isn't lying, who could have brought him here? There was probably no one around for miles and he doubts Kirishima would want anything to do with him, much less bring him someplace warm and safe in the middle of a storm.
But either way, there's no point in keeping the argument with this man. He's clearly offended by Izuku's "attack" on his character and he's stubborn enough to keep insisting that he's telling the truth, so now the next thing to be done is finding some information.
"Fine, I believe you," Izuku growls softly, the lie easily slipping past his lips as he keeps the blade pointed towards him. "But I want to know who you are and where I am because I really have no idea."
"If I give you some answers, will you put the knife down?" "It depends on how I feel about them."
The alpha frowns but Izuku's persistent gaze wears him down, and after a few moments, he sighs. "My name is Iida Tenya and this is the place I stay when I go into a rut."
Just hearing the term makes Izuku's heart quicken as nervous fear coils around his chest. He can't help but instinctively wonder how terrifying Bakugou would be during something like that and the thought makes him nauseous.
"I just finished yesterday though, so I was planning on cleaning up and heading back," Iida continues, rubbing the back of his neck. It's obvious that he's slightly flustered with the word himself. "But now you're here. The window was open and all the trapped scent must have escaped, so maybe it attracted you somehow. Are you sure you don't remember anything? Do you lose memory often?"
Izuku stays silent, lowering the knife a little as he keeps his eyes on him. Iida sighs again and his gaze scans over the blankets as his frown deepens.
"Are you... wearing anything under that?"
The omega clutches the fabric tighter around his body and he growls. "Don't even think about it."
It takes a couple moments for Iida to process what Izuku insinuates and he waves his hands defensively. "Wait no, that's not what I meant. I just thought you'd be cold—"
"Stay away from me," Izuku hisses through grit teeth. "Keep your hands off me too."
Iida grimaces and presses his back against the wall, sliding down to the floor. His arm looks like it's stopped bleeding for now—the slice was actually very shallow— but Izuku would feel more guilty if he wasn't so scared right now. This alpha is several centimeters larger than him and it makes his stomach
churn. If Iida tried to force himself on him, could Izuku even successfully fight back? Without the knife then his efforts would be fruitless.
"I need to leave," Izuku mutters, wrapping the blanket around his body as he scoots himself off the mattress.
Iida glances up at him. "It'd probably be best if you waited until the storm was over—"
"I said that I was just leaving," he growls. Thinking about spending the night with an alpha makes nausea claw at his throat and he'd rather freeze to death outside. "But your wrist looks broken, that probably needs to get set and... wait, are you bleeding?"
Izuku's eyes widen and he glances down to see blood rolling down his thighs, dripping onto the floorboards alongside thick globs of slick. There's a lot more than he's ever seen before and his legs tremble with exertion.
"O-Oh," he says as his voice cracks. "That's nothing."
"It doesn't look like nothing," Iida protests, eyes softening. "Listen, I'm a doctor. I can help you if you'd just let me."
Izuku feels panic rising in his chest and he swallows it down. The last thing he wants is for this alpha to trigger a pseudo heat in the same way Bakugou did. "I'm fine, I just need to get out of here." But as he takes a step forward his knees buckle beneath him, shaky legs giving away as he crashes into the floor. The knife flies out of his reach and as he tries to drag himself toward it, dark spots scatter across his vision. Suddenly there's hands on him, Iida's firm grip spreading his thighs and yanking the blanket off him.
"Don't touch me!" Izuku snarls, raking sharp nails down Iida's bleeding arm.
He's absolutely terrified now and his heart is thudding so hard that he feels like it's about to start skipping beats.
"The blanket is soaked in blood, you're going to bleed to death if I don't help you right now," Iida protests through grit teeth. "I'm trying to save your life—"
There's an audible tear and the fabric rips in two, revealing the Izuku's naked body beneath him. He's so vulnerable and scared and exposed that all he can do is let out a harsh sob, tears rolling down his cheeks as he continues to try to push at Iida's shoulders. The alpha is huge and heavy and fuck, fuck, fuck Izuku wants to die, he can't take this anymore. He has to slit his wrists, his throat, his guts, he has to hang himself, break his neck, crush his skull against the ground. However it happens he doesn't care, he just needs to die right now.
"Relax," Iida says, lowering his voice. "You need to calm down or you're just going to bleed faster."
Oh god, it's happening again: he feels something pressing between his legs and his chest hitches with a broken sob, his mind snapping as memories and flashing images grate against his brain. Suddenly he's inside the tent once more with Bakugou's cock pumping within him, fucking him like a toy, a doll, an object. His throat closes at once with choked panic, adrenaline pumping through hot veins as he tries to gulp down air to fuel his suffocating lungs.
Suddenly the phantom base Bakugou's knot buries inside him, stretching him, pulling him apart as he screams, desperate and terrified. He hiccups broken cries, the only thought on his mind being immediate suicide, and he begins repeatedly slamming his head down into the floorboards. If he can just loosen a single nail and drive it through his skull—
Iida pinches the scent gland and his body forcibly slackens with a pained whimper. There's no way to tell what's happening now but his chest
immediately feels hollow, like a switch that emptied his lungs and heart out of its cage. This is the feeling he detests but at least the fear slips away while it's replaced by a vacancy that consumes him.
"There you go." Iida sits back but keeps a firm grip on the scent gland. "I have to hold you down for a while because I don't want you to keep hurting yourself, but that should stop the bleeding for tonight." Izuku's lips tremble as tears silently roll down his cheeks. Is it really over? He can't feel anything pumping between his legs anymore but it's possible that he's too numb to recognize the sensation. There's something dripping between his legs and it feels like slick even though the scent tastes like blood. His body weakens by the second and eventually the world blurs around him, head rolling across the floorboards as his eyes flutter closed.
He's tired, so tired and there's nothing to stop him from sinking into darkness.
Nightmares from the last few days don't even compare. Disturbing images flicker across his eyelids, cycling through like a video reel. However, one is most recurring: Bakugou looming above him with blood dripping from his maw, inaudible whispers pressed against Izuku's ears. Even his dreams are no safe haven from the alpha's destructive influence and it might be the paranoia but he feels like Bakugou has wormed his way inside his head, his body, his mind. It's like he's infested and there's no part of him that's clean or untouched.
And Izuku feels violated and sickened, so disgusted and revolted that he awakes gasping for air. He immediately tenses—strangely enough he's terrified that Bakugou will feel his emotions through the bond, which doesn't
make sense because he's far away isn't he?—and his hand instinctively pushes beneath the pillow in search of the knife, just in case the damn alpha thinks it's a good idea to put their hands on him.
However, he finds nothing but empty space and his heart jumps in his throat.
It's gone. Izuku sits up suddenly and his head does a little dizzy spin, eyes scanning the floor but the weapon is nowhere to be found. An icy chill spikes through his blood and snaps his gaze upwards to find Iida staring right at him. His hair is wet— from the rain or a recent bath, Izuku isn't sure—and his glasses rest on the table alongside various medicinal herbs that he must be organizing. The alpha's wounded arm is now wrapped with bandages as well.
"Did you have a bad dream?" Iida asks, and Izuku feels frustration bubble up in his
chest. "What did you do with my knife?"
Iida isn't fazed by the omega's sudden question however, and his concern doesn't waver. "I hid it so you don't try slashing me open again."
"If you hadn't touched me then that wouldn't have happened," he growls through grit teeth. "Where did you put it?"
"If I told you then don't you think that would defeat the purpose of hiding it?"
Izuku's eyes burn and he's about to slip out of bed to start searching for the weapon but he feels something between his legs. It shifts inside of him when he moves and his heart drums faster in his chest, reaching back to feel around: it's some kind of cloth with just the tip pushed in to stop the bleeding. It's dry though, which means that the wound hasn't reopened since last night.
"Please don't move around too much," Iida says, gesturing for him to sit back.
"You're just starting to heal properly and you'll have to keep that inside if you want to get better." It feels... weird to say the least, but Izuku reluctantly props himself up against the bedframe and pulls the blanket up and over his shoulders. Despite how thick and soft it is, he's still cold and he's wondering if it has anything to do with the blood loss from last night. He's not exactly sure how much he bled and his head hurts whenever he thinks about it, but he hopes the wound won't cause any problems from now on.
Several silent minutes pass by as Iida finishes organizing the rest of the supplies. Izuku watches him attentively but he says nothing, the heat of his gaze dead set on the alpha. He doesn't want to take his eyes off him for a minute—or rather, it feels like he's physically unable—and it becomes difficult to even blink.
However, after some time Iida finally packs his things into the luggage before heading towards the bed. Izuku shrinks back against the frame as he approaches, eyes darting to the door for a moment, but it's already too late and the alpha has seated himself right across from him. There must only be a couple feet of space between them and it's far, far too close for Izuku to process as a safe distance.
"I'm going to take a look at your wrist," Iida says, pulling a leather brace from his bag. "It's a very delicate joint and I don't want you to lose the functionality of your hand."
Izuku's stomach churns at those words and he wraps the blanket tighter around himself. "Don't touch me."
"I know you don't want to do this but it's important. You're very hurt and it's my obligation as a doctor to help you."
"Keep your damn hands off of me," he insists with a growl. "Go away and leave me alone."
Iida's eyes soften. "Look, here's what we can do. I'll only touch you for ten or fifteen second intervals and I'll let go when you tell me to. We'll take breaks and it'll probably take longer that way, but if we don't do it at all, then your ligaments can start to tear and more complications will arise."
To be completely honest, Izuku would much rather claw Iida's eyes out than relive the hell from the night before. He knows Iida is right and his wrist needs medical attention but he'd feel safer with someone like Uraraka. However, there's probably no other doctors nearby and as much as he absolutely hates the situation, this might be the only chance he gets to have his wrist healed...
Izuku leans his head against the bed frame as he curls closer to it. "Can I at least have my knife back while you work?"
"I don't want you to attack me again," Iida says with a frown. "I'll give it back to you when it's over, though."
That's really not ideal but... "Fine. You have to promise one thing though."
"What is it?"
"Don't touch the scent gland again."
Iida blinks once as he processes the request but he dips his head with a respectful nod. "I promise."
Izuku narrows his eyes—he seriously doubts that the alpha will stay true to his word—but he extends his arm towards him anyways. Iida scoots a bit closer and lets the twisted wrist rest in his palms, tipping his head to the side to take a look at it. Seconds tick by and Izuku's anxiety slowly grows, skin prickling with heat as nausea rolls in his guts. Eventually it becomes unbearable and when Iida tries to
turn the arm over, Izuku instinctively draws back.
"That was only eight seconds," Iida says, letting him go. "Did you want to go with that instead of ten or fifteen?"
He nods in response, and once he feels a bit less nervous, he extends his arm again. Iida gently takes it and continues his inspection of the break, at least until the next eight second interval is finished. The cycle continues for a handful of minutes and after some time, he finally seems finished with the exam.
"How did you hurt your wrist?" the alpha asks once he pulls back, and the question catches Izuku off guard for a moment.
"I... I fell," he mutters, the lie slipping past his lips. "It's been raining and there's a lot of mud." "Well it's a very clean break." Iida picks up the leather brace and gives Izuku an expectant look. "Ready to slide this on?"
"I don't know what that is," the omega says with a grimace.
"You'll have to use it for a little over a month, but the brace is adjustable so it'll set your wrist properly during the healing process. Every week it'll need to be tightened in a particular way so it continues to align the way it needs to."
Izuku eyes it suspiciously but with some reluctance, he holds his arm out and allows Iida to slip it on. The alpha tightens the straps around the break and Izuku winces— for some reason it kind of reminds him of a corset, especially as Iida pulls at the extra strings in the back—but it's over before he knows it and soon enough he's grazing his fingertips over the leather. He can't move his wrist at all but it's probably for the best if it means he won't sustain further damage.
"Thank you," he murmurs softly, pulling it to his chest. "But... I can't adjust
the brace with one hand."
"Maybe your mate can do it," Iida says with a shrug. "I'm sure they'd be happy to
help." Izuku immediately pales at the suggestion, his heart dropping into his
stomach. "What?"
The alpha blinks at his reaction and tips his head to the side. "There's a bite on your neck. You have a mate that you've bonded with—"
"You're wrong," he snarls suddenly, clamping his hand over the mark and rubbing away at it. "I don't belong to anyone."
It takes a second for Iida to process the shift in atmosphere, but his demeanor changes almost immediately as his eyes harden.
"Did he do this to you?"
Izuku swallows and averts his gaze. Everything up to this point was impersonal enough to be forward about, but anything that involves Bakugou or his influence melts Izuku's aggression and replaces it with avoidance and unease. Sometimes he had the courage to stand up to the alpha but other times he just felt so vulnerable and exploited that he couldn't help but fall apart. Even now when he's away from Bakugou, the pattern persists and he's not sure why.
The confidence he has in himself is anything but consistent and it bothers him. When he was a prince he always felt like he knew himself and he knew that the decisions he made were right and just. But ever since the day Bakugou tore into his life, nothing has been the same. One moment he feels comfortable and sure of himself but the next leaves him weak and powerless, as if he's unstable instead of
unshakeable. His emotions are erratic and he's constantly switching between fight and flight.
"It doesn't matter," Izuku finally says, though his voice is much smaller than he expects. "I'm fine now and that's all that matters."
"You really aren't fine," Iida mutters and he looks so earnest that all Izuku can do is sigh. Everything is just too complicated to sort out in his head and he's been trying to push things aside ever since the run-in with Kirishima. Unraveling all his feelings right now will destroy him so he just needs to wait. Wait until it's safe.
Iida frowns at the omega's lack of response. "I don't know how close your mate is but if you need to get out of here, I can help you."
Ah... "I don't think so," Izuku says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Unless you're heading into the empire then I doubt you can help."
"Well, the borders are very fuzzy around here since they're constantly expanding. Technically you're already in empire territory but it just hasn't been legally conquered," Iida says with a shrug. "You can come along and and I'll be able to do checkups whenever you need them."
Izuku glances off to the side. The last thing he wanted to do was travel with an alpha, but his wrist needs attention and he's not sure he'd even be able to make it through the empire on his own. Maybe once they get further inland he can just disappear on his own, leave a note... again, Izuku isn't the best at planning and he's not even sure if this will be a good idea.
"I... I don't know," he murmurs softly. "Could you give me some time to think about it?"
Iida nods and stands from the bed, hauling the bag over his shoulder. "Sure, but I'm leaving tomorrow so you have until then to decide."
Izuku tightens the blanket around him and watches the alpha make his way back towards the closet to drop his luggage back inside. Ah, that actually reminds him...
"Can I have my knife back now?" he asks, and Iida nods again as he searches through his things. Once he finds it he approaches Izuku and holds the blade out to him.
"There you go."
Izuku wastes no time wrapping his hand around it and pulling it to his chest. The metal is cold against his skin, its presence energizing him and making him feel safer. It's a bit immoral though, since it's Bakugou's dagger and it must have taken thousands of innocent lives, but in a strange way it feels like a trophy.
It's proof that he won.
It's proof that somehow, despite all odds, he survived.
Izuku stays up late that night, watching Iida's chest rise and fall as he sleeps. It took much persuading but the alpha finally used the bed for himself while Izuku curled up across the room in a pile of soft blankets. Iida's scent keeps him alert and awake, so with his back to the corner, he scans the darkness of his surroundings and keeps his hand on the knife.
Just in case Bakugou returns.
That's what his gut keeps telling him, though the more rational part of his mind is well aware that Kirishima is a much greater threat. Fully mobile, he's manipulative, protective, indirect, and acts on emotion. Mistepping with him would be the last mistake Izuku would ever make. But in his paranoia's defense, Bakugou was the one who kept him captive and put his life in a downward spiral. There's just so many things wrong with that man: he's twisted and warped in all the worst ways. The way he curled around Izuku every night was so genuinely loving but something about it felt sick and disgusting. All the sex, the whispered threats, the terrifying words and unwanted hands all over him...
He can't process relationships or human connection like the rest of us can.
Kirishima's words are branded into his mind and he's been thinking about them constantly, dissecting the statement. If Izuku knew why Bakugou is the way he is, would it even matter? He desperately wants to avoid finding out because the last thing he wants to do is sympathize or see parts of himself within him, and the worst part is that despite how terrible and awful Bakugou is, Izuku understands him somehow. He's an alpha who runs on instinct alone, who takes what he wants, who believes everything already belongs to him. But every time Izuku points out the hypocrisy in his motives and actions, the bastard refuses to listen and instead treats him like a damn object. It's infuriating.
Curling in on himself, Izuku rubs his eyes with his forearm. Maybe Bakugou didn't take him seriously because he's a failed prince: he let his people die and he lost the war in weeks, didn't he? What if this is the universe's punishment because he failed his people? The kingdom his mother built and ruled for so long... it's gone now and it's all because he couldn't defend it properly. Even when he had Bakugou alone in the throne room, the alpha's scent alone made him so woozy and pliant that he fell apart in minutes. His suppressants were late by a few weeks due to Bakugou's barricade and he
was already beginning to feel off, so the incident left him entirely vulnerable to the alpha's will.
This... this is all too much to think about right now. Izuku feels his chest hitching with a sob that teeters on the edge of his mental stability—he can't have a breakdown right now, he can't—so he takes a deep breath and pushes it back down. As he does, however, a familiar emptiness begins to fill him: it's uncomfortable and he hates it, detests it, but the vacancy coils around his heart and consumes him until he feels nothing.
No disgust, no anger, no fear.
Just a deep, persistent void.
It's the same feeling he got when he lost memory both times, except he felt much more dissociated than right now. Everything about it puts him on edge and he wonders how long he was even unconscious the first time. What did Bakugou do to him? He couldn't have been out for longer than a few hours but this time, he's sure that the absence of memory lasted for over a day. In fact, he woke up with aches and pains in his hands and knees, skin scraped up as if he's been crawling.
Could it have something to do with going off suppressants and the sudden surge in hormones?
Izuku gives a shaky sigh as he curls in on himself, letting his fingers graze over the bonding mark before they find their way to the scent gland. He has two now, one on either side, but the newest is about half the size of the other. It's abnormally sensitive and when he brushes against it, he feels his body shiver slightly. The budding gland is tender and unfortunately swollen to the touch.
There have been other noteworthy changes since going off suppressants as well, though he tries not to think about them because they make him feel sick. His gums ache from omega canines growing out, when Iida gets too close he starts to dribble a bit of slick, and his scent glands have deepened in color to become a mature, dark pink to stand out against his flesh. It's humiliating and disgusting: he knows omegas exist to be bred and he doesn't want that to be people's first thought when they look at him. He's an alpha—born and raised to be one—but now everyone will treat him like Bakugou has. What if he's thrown in a whore house? What if an alpha tries to get lucky and they corner him? What
if he's killed by someone like Kirishima, who believes that omegas are a disease?
No, Izuku is strong. He's an alpha but if nobody believes it then that puts him in danger. There has to be a way to pass because all these physical changes are detrimental to his safety and self esteem. His mother taught him how to act confident and independent but that's impossible if he looks like this. Ever since Iida took note of the scent glands and the mark on his neck, he's felt uncomfortable and high strung, unable to keep his gaze because he feels so self conscious and tense.
Maybe staying with Iida is the best option. There's safety in numbers and Izuku isn't even sure he'd be able to seek medical attention anywhere else. Besides, he's a doctor which means he might be able to concoct some sort of suppressants. Izuku doesn't want to ask him about it right now because Iida has already helped a lot just by healing him and letting him stay here, but once he finishes repaying the alpha for all he's done so far, then he'll feel comfortable asking for more help.
For now, Izuku rests his head against the pillow and tucks the blade beneath it. He's not sure how late it is or if he'll be able to sleep at all, but this persistent emptiness allows him to breathe without the weight of anxiety pressing down and suffocating him with fear. With his fingers loosely curled around the knife's
handle, he sinks into his numbness and drifts into slumber.
It's far from dreamless and far from perfect, but at this point he doesn't expect proper rest.
That's not the life Bakugou has left for him.
Chapter End Notes
Right off the bat, I wanna say that @ariespsyche made really awesome made some art for glacier! You can find that here. If you ever make something for the things I write please let me know so I can show the world your awesome art/whatever!
But anyways, I wanna talk about some things so stay tuned if you want a little talk from the author. This is probably gonna be the longest author's note I've written but I don't like leaving readers in the dark: so first and foremost, if you didn't get the last update I basically said that I changed this fic's tags from Happy Ending to Ambiguous Ending. Drop the fic if you need to, I won't hold it against you.
Second, this isn't really "glacier spoilers" but I want to let you guys know in advance that there won't be romantic Iida/Izuku. Izuku is too traumatized from Bakugou to