'Ouch Lan Zhan' Wei WuXian's voice snapped him out of his memory once again but it took him a moment to realize he was gripping his waist strong enough to leave a bad bruise.

'Sorry' Wanji replied, releasing his hand and just letting it rest on Wei WuXian's side.

'There is no need for sorry Lan Er'gege, I shouldn't have bought up such bad memories for you.'

'There are worse memories than that'

'Don't think about it, think about something…'

Before he had heard the last sentence though Wanji had again descended into his own thoughts. This time he couldn't help but think of some of the worse times he had. The day in Nevernight city, the time he found out Wei WuXian's golden core and even the sight of that Zither string around Wei WuXian's throat. All of the worse times he could remember involved Wei WuXian being injured in some way and him being incapable of helping..….too far away…...not knowing…...not fast enough…..lots of excuses as to why but the real thing was that he had never been there to save the man he loved most.

Falling into those memories Wanji revisited that day in Lotus Pier. As expected non of the Sect leaders had been particularly welcoming to Wei WuXian, not even Jiang Cheng, who in Wanji's mind should have worshiped the ground his elder brother walked on. Some of leaders looked at him and Wei WuXian walking side by side up the Pier and shook their heads but most decided to totally ignore the fact that the two of them had single handily saved everyone's lives a few hours earlier and ignored them completely. This of course hadn't bothered Wanji in the least, he had the attention of the one person he cared about and he could ignore people just as well as anyone else.

Wei WuXian had taken all of the stares and shunning in his stride, pretending it didn't matter to him, that he was used to such things. But by that point in their relationship Wanji had figured out this was just an act. Wei WuXian deep down was hurting that even over a decade after his death, and after saving everyone's life at the risk of his own, people still looked down on him as the low born cultivator who was an embarrassment and danger to everyone. Wanji had purposefully remained by his side as all the others shunned him, forcing them to shun them both. Although it was easy for everyone to shun the infamous YiLing Patriarch, it wasn't so easy to shun the renowned HanGuang Jun.

Jiang Cheng of course had been the worst, making Wei WuXian feel not welcome in the place that had once been his home and still held so many memories for him. If it wasn't that they were in Lotus Pier and Wei WuXian still held affection for his useless brother, Wanji may well have slit his throat right there and then. As the conference between the sect leaders had continued Wei WuXian had taken him a tour of the manor and its surrounding areas, pointing out all the areas he used to play as a child, the areas he used to get into trouble, the areas he used to have lessons and even his old room. Wanji had listened attentively at the narrative being woven about Wei WuXian's life before he arrived in his own and was surprised to see that he still remembered it with a large amount of pleasure.

Eventually the two had found their way to the family mausoleum and prostrated to the ancestors that had raised such a unique and special person as Wei WuXian. That's when things had begun to go seriously wrong! Jiang Cheng had turned up seriously angry that Wei WuXian had dared enter the temple and face his family, he was even more angry that Wanji was in attendance as well. The resulting argument between the two brothers soon escalated to a more physical altercation of pushing and shoving. That's when Wanji had decided enough was enough and it was time for him to step in. As he separated the two and they had turned to leave Jiang Cheng had blocked them, attacking wildly with the zidan. Wanji had only had time to partially deflect its effects and as a result Wei WuXian had collapsed in his arms. Jiang Chang had once again raised his fist as if to strike at his now unconscious and completely helpless brother, but this time a flash of black intercepted the zidan.

No matter how many times Wen Ning had been hit by the zidan he had refused to stop advancing on Jiang Cheng. Wanji remembered the confusion in his own head as well as on Jiang Cheng's face when Wen Ning had held up and item for inspection…Subian!

What had followed was a tale which made Wanji's heart twist in pain, his eyes sting with tears and his soul roar with the need to protect. Part of him could only focus on the unconscious man in his arms. He looked so innocent and peaceful lying there, how could anyone ever look so peaceful after going through…that!

Another part of him had never wanted to kill Jiang Cheng more, as the man was only feeling sorry for himself instead of dropping to his knees and begging forgiveness and everlasting worship of the man he had just tried to kill…for a second time. He also knew that this wasn't a possibility anymore. Even if one day Wei WuXian decided to withdraw his protection of his brother, the core inside him was still a part of the man he loved and he could never bring himself to damage that. Instead Wanji had just left the worthless man to his own self pity and taken Wei WuXian away from Lotus Pier for good.

The tale Wen Ning had had to tell was harrowing and his heart had felt like it was being torn in two. How had somone been stupid enough to try such a thing? How had they survived it? How had he kept his sense of humour and forgiveness all this time after such an injustice?

The memory then switched to a wet evening only months after the first. An evening that had begun brilliantly with both men finally physically getting intimate…..only to turn to hell because of one stupid misunderstanding. Wei WuXian stood infront of him, the rain pouring from his eyes and chin, down his clothing and into puddles on the floor. His hair was already plastered to his face and head and he was involuntarily shivering from the cold. Normally Wanji would have gone to him and wrapped a cloak around his shoulders or maybe his arms, anything to stop that shivering. Not tonight though, tonight there was some one behind Wei WuXian, someone in the shadows, and that someone held a zither string around his throat.

Wanji could hear strangled words coming from Wei WuXian's mouth but he couldn't understand them. The words got more indistinct as the string tightened producing more blood. Wanji tried to move forwards but each time he did the hands holding the string seemed to move just out of reach. Wei WuXian was fading, barely breathing, as his life's blood seeped through those fingers. No matter what he did he couldn't get any closer and he could feel the panic begin to rise up in him as he watched that pair of hands squeeze the life out of Wei WuXian right infront of his eyes.

The memory switched once more….his hand where covered with blood….Wei WuXian was looking up at him with the same look as before…..so much blood on his hands….Wei WuXian was slipping from his grasp….he knew this memory and even after so many years it was too painful to come to him in more than fragments…..

Blood on his hands…..Wei WuXian slipping…..that look on his face….slipping…..slipping…..gone.

Ch6

He slowly awoke to the feel of a gentle hand stroking his temple as if he was a child. Momentarily disorientated he tried to twist his head and see what was going on, only for his head to nearly fall off of whichever perch it was currently resting on. It began to dawn on him that his perch was in fact someone's shoulder but before he could work up the capacity to figure out who's a voice appeared from above him.

'Your awake?'

Wei WuXian's voice. He would recognise that anywhere. Glancing around as much as he could he realised where they were.

'How did we get back in bed?'

Wei WuXian's hand stilled and the words came out harsh but the panic behind them was obvious in his eyes. 'I got you back to the bed when you collapsed…..I told you not to think of all those bad things Lan Zhan but you just had to ignore me….you just had to go an think about things that were so bad you hyperventilated and collapsed'

'Sorry'

'I don't want sorry I want you to promise you won't do something that stupid again'

'em'

'Lan Zhan you really worried me for a moment'

This time Wanji reached his own hand over and squeezed one of Wei WuXian's in support and apology. 'I wont' He promised

Wei WuXian seemed somewhat mollified by the response and resumed stroking his forehead. Wanji looked around again and realised to his shock that Wei WuXian had gotten fully dressed, he was just about to ask how much time he had collapsed for when a knock sounded on the door of the Jingshi. Before he could ask who it was Wei WuXian just automatically replied 'come!'

Lan Shishu appeared through the door with what Wanji thought was more speed than grace for one of Shishu's standing but as is it was their private home he wasn't going to discipline his for it.

'How is Lan Father' Shishu asked with obvious concern

Wanji winced slightly. When Shishu had realised who Wei WuXian was in relation to himself Wei WuXian had been determined he address him not as Senior but as baba. Wanji had objected to this and at first so had Shishu, however after completely ignoring Wanji, and a few arguments, the two of them had eventually agreed on 'Father' instead of baba. Wanji had rolled his eyes but remained silent, after all he and Wei WuXian where the closest thing Shishu had to parents. What he never expected was that the new address would be used for himself as well.

'He's fine A-Yuan don't worry he was just being an idiot and made himself ill'

Wei WuXian's tone held its normal playful edge so Wanji could tell the panic of earlier had subsided, however calling him an idiot infront of their son made him want to growl. Pride made him push himself of Wei WuXian's comfortable shoulder, ignore the fact the room was spinning, and sit up facing them both.

'Im fine Shishu' was all he managed to say in response.

Shishu smiled a little too politely as he held out a bowl of medicine with a small bow 'here Lan Father, Wei Father asked me to make this for you'

Wei WuXian reached out and took the bowl before rustling his fingers through Shishu's hair. Instead of drawing back though shishu seemed to lean into the touch enjoying the attention….so either of them remember he's a grown up now?...Wanji mused to himself.

As if he had heard his thoughts Shishu suddenly got up and spoke.

'I still have work to do' he nodded gently at Wanji 'I hope Lan Father gets better soon.' Then he nodded at Wei WuXian 'please ask me if you need anything else Wei Father.'

With that he turned and walked out of the Jinshi leaving the two men alone once again. Wei WuXian took a spoonful of the medicine and touched it to his lips.

'Be a good boy Lan Er-gege and take your medicine then I will curl up with you while you nap'

Wanji choked on the medicine

'I don't need to nap'

'Your ill you need to nap, or how am I supposed to stop worrying about you?'

Wanji sighed and drank the four other spoonful's of the disgusting medicine before allowing himself to be tucked into bed once again…..he had those papers still to mark and he could see them across the room on his desk. He had work to do. But somehow remembering that Shishu had made him the medicine he had just drunk made him smile, and when Wei WuXian tucked himself into bed next to him, he couldn't bring him to care anymore.