5. Gone

"It's hard"

"I know Alice"

I opened my eyes to see Alice attempting to walk with crutches.

"Hi Edwar- Woah" She tripped over the crutches

"Alice!" I shouted and I attempted to pull myself upright, trying not to breathe

And then I heard her laugh as Carlisle lifted her up. I breathed.

It had been five days since I last threw up. Dr. Whitlock said that if I didn't throw up for another day I could go to Carlisle's house. Alice gets to go to his house tonight.

Alice and I start Kindergarten next week. I don't know anyone in my class besides Alice. Carlisle bought us some new clothes and backpacks, but I wish I could wear my normal clothes. He insisted that I should wear button up shirts because they will be easier to put on around my cast.

Alice would get to walk in crutches, while I would be in a wheelchair. I was not excited about trying to work a wheelchair; How could I work it with just one hand?

It would be weird without Alice here tonight. She's been the only thing that has remained the same. She's my one connection to my home; Chicago. And now she would be gone for the night, and I would be here all by myself.

"It's okay Edward" she said to me before she left, "I will make sure everything is all set up, and then when you come home everything will be perfect. We will like it at Carlisle's"

I wanted to go home. It has been over a month since the accident and they still haven't found my mom and dad. I wanted to go home with them and I wanted this to be over.

I bet my mom would let Alice live with us if her mom was dead. She was friends with Mrs. Brandon. She would want to keep Alice with us.

An hour had passed since Alice and Carlisle left. They both promised they would be there in the morning before I woke up, but I was so bored sitting here all alone.

So I laid in bed, wiggling my fingers. I wondered if Carlisle had a piano.

"Both of their parents are dead" I heard a voice say. It sounded like Dr. Whitlock

"Kebi, It's not up to you to tell them" Dr. Robert sighed, "Carlisle is right. They are both young and they don't need to think about it right now"

"They need to grieve" she said with no emotion, "They need to understand that their mom and dad are not going to come and pick them up. Did you hear Edward yesterday? He told Alice that his mom would pick up both of them"

Dr. Robert's voice sounded shaky, "I think Alice knows. She know her father killed himself, and I think she knows her mom isn't coming back"

"Edward doesn't. He still believes they will find his mom and dad. He's only 3. He won't figure it out"

My body went still.

They were both dead.

They were never coming home.

I felt my body vibrate and break into a loud scream. Dr. Robert and Dr. Whitlock ran in to see what was happening. I couldn't look at them or see them though.

My mom was dead.

My dad was dead.

I was going to be stuck here forever.

I woke up to the bright light glaring through the window. I could see Alice on the ground colouring. Blankets were wrapped around me, rocking me back and forth.

I wiggled and sniffled.

"Hey kiddo" Carlisle said unevenly

I looked up at him as he tried to move the hair out of my face. He carefully moved me into an upright position.

I leaned into him. I wasn't ready to be alone yet.

"It's Saturday! We got to take you home today. Alice chose the top bunk, but if you want we can trade between the two of you"

I shook my head. There was no way I wanted to be away from the ground.

Carlisle looked at me awkwardly, "I heard what you found out, and I'm sorry Edward. I'm sorry you had to find out that way-"

I put my head back into his chest. He rubbed my back.

"You don't need to talk. It's okay"

I cried as he rocked me, and allowed myself to imagine a different set of arms around me.

We took the subway to Carlisle's house. It seemed like a lifetime ago that I wanted to see a train.

I was in my wheelchair. Alice was lookin out the windows. Carlisle seemed to be lost in thought but he occasionally looked at us and smiled anxiously at us. I could tell he was thinking of us and trying to make a decision. But I couldn't figure out what he was thinking about.

We got off the train at the last stop, Carlisle was carrying Alice while trying to steer me. He seemed nervous about bringing us home. Was it because he didn't think we would get along? Did he think we wouldn't like his house

I stared up at the apartment building and began to breathe heavy. It was tall.

What if something crashed into it?

What if it somehow collapsed?

What if an airplane flew into it?

In the elevator things felt a lot worse. I tried to close my eyes, but all I could hear was screams and cries of people trying to escape. Behind my eyelids I could see their faces.

I opened my eyes, but I couldn't escape my memory.

I felt the elevator shake and I screamed.

It was happening again. The building was shaking. The building was going to fall. We were all going to die.

I closed my eyes and I felt two hands brushing my arm

"Shhh it's okay kiddo. We will take the stairs next time. I promise"

I opened my eyes and saw the elevator open. I tried to push myself out with my good hand, but I wasn't going anywhere.

I was stuck. Again.

I heard a scream. Someone was stuck. Someone was going to die.

Suddenly I was out of the elevator. But everything was shaking. A pair of eyes tried to make eye contact with me, and I felt arms around me.

"I'm not going to let you go. I know you're scared. It's not happening again"

I tried to follow Carlisle's breathing.

In two three four

Out two three four

Finally the room stopped shaking and the streaming stopped.

"What's wrong with him? Why was he screaming" Alice said nervously

"I think he's feeling scared. I think he was remembering what happened before…" Carlisle's voice trailed off.

"I don't remember anything about it"

"I know Alice," Carlisle began, still keeping his arms around me, "Edward remembers though."

"I wish he didn't remember." Alice said quietly.

"So do I"

They were quiet for a moment.

How could I get the memories out of me? How could I forget?