8. Forgiveness- Esme's POV
It had been 30 minutes since the doctor took him out of my arms, but at least they let me stay in the room with him as they stitched his face. I held his hand, feeling the pressure as he squeezed it as hard as he could.
This was all my fault.
Charles hit me if I disobeyed him. Why would I expect him to act any different towards a defenseless child?
Edward had a broken nose because of me. He had a gash in his head because of me. He has a black eye because of me.
I tried calling Carlisle and left him at least 30 text messages. He must be in class.
What was I going to do tonight? Last time he was this angry at me, he killed my unborn baby. I did not regret the choice to barge into the room, but I selfishly thought about what Charles was going to do to me.
I wasn't ready to die yet. Life had to be better than this. I needed another shot. This was the first time I had ever felt love, and I knew I was loved too.
But maybe I did not deserve it.
Edward moaned. He looked at me with his emerald eyes. They swirled all the way to his pure soul that has experienced more than any child should ever see.
I caused this child pain. It was my fault.
"Edward" Carlisle gasped,
Edward and I both turned to face him, Edward automatically extended his arms towards him.
Carlisle placed Edward on his lap as he demanded more information from the doctor. I turned to walk out, but he grabbed in with one hand.
"Where are you going?" Carlisle asked with confusion,
"Home. I thought you wanted me to go away"
His hand held on to mine harder, "Esme... No. Stay here with us. Please"
I unconsciously moved forward. His plea was impossible to ignore.
In another life, I would have been worthy of this man. He was good. Compassionate. Kind. He took two children in without even thinking about it. He was going to be a doctor and save peoples lives.
And sometimes I swear he saw something good in me. He always asked how I was. He always made food I liked on nights I would come over for dinner. He offered to help me cut out triangles for an art project. He offered to walk me to my car when it was dark. He was the one person I could talk to for hours. The one person I trusted with every fibre of my being.
But it was all an illusion. He didn't know how selfish I was for going to school. He didn't know how I made my father work longer hours to pay for the food I ate. He didn't know that I deserved every bruise on my body and every scar. I had to tell him the truth.
The principal dropped Alice off at the hospital. Alice wouldn't leave Edward's side as we waited for the surgeon to look at Edward's nose. We were all relieved that his nose would heal without surgery, and Edward seemed to be in a much better mood when we left the hospital.
I drove them home in my car. I was surprised that Carlisle would let me stay close to him and his children. He had to know by now that Charles was hitting me, and he had to know that this was all my fault.
Within 5 minutes Edward and Alice were both asleep in the backseat.
"Carlisle," I said as I began to sob, "I'm s-s-"
"Stop Esme. It was not your fault" Carlisle soothed me.
I tried to pull myself together with no noticeable improvements. Carlisle's face suddenly changed, but I couldn't understand his expression.
"He's your husband, isn't he?"
"Yes," I responded flatley. So he didn't realize right away that it was my fault.
"Esme… you couldn't have known that he would do that" his voice was somehow full of compassion.
"But I should have"
"He hits you too, doesn't he? That's why you always have bruises"
I couldn't talk, so I simply nodded. He did not look surprised. Carlisle reached to put his hand on my shoulder.
"Stay with us tonight"
"What?" I said too loudly
"Stay, Esme" He said again, "I doubt he will be happy with you for bargaining in and saving Edward, and I heard he already gave bail money and will probably be at home"
"You would do that for me? You would let me stay here?" The tear moved down my face.
"Of course"
I carried Edward up the stairs while Carlisle carried Alice. They were both sound asleep and didn't wake while we carried them. Carlisle took my hands as soon as they were in their beds and pulled me into the living room.
I had not realized I was crying until Carlisle hugged me. The day's images floated in my head, and fear began to creep it's way through me.
"Oh Carlisle. What am I going to do?" I blurted out. I was ashamed of myself though; I did not matter. I was selfish for fearing.
He pulled me away so he could see me, but still kept his arms around my waist and I kept my arms around his neck. "You're going to live with us. Tomorrow you are going to call in sick, and we are going to your house and pack up all your belongings. I am going to help you file for a divorce, and then as soon as I graduate we are moving out of the city"
He sounded so sure in his answer
"You don't understand… It's all my fault"
"No" He repeated, his nose touching mine.
The electricity ran through us as if it was pulling us together. It suddenly felt like the universe was pushing us together.
Carlisle bent down so our lips were nearly touching
"Esme... " he whispered
I leaned in, touching my lips to his.
He kissed me back and pulled me closer. My tongue brushed against his lips, and I could feel the electrical current pulseate through us.
He pulled away from my lips and moved a piece of my hair with my fingers.
"I love you" I blurted out, "I have loved you since I met you. I love your kids, I love your compassion, and I love every part of you."
I don't know what compelled me to say that, but I knew it was true. I had spent a lot of time with him despite only knowing him for a few weeks, and I was sure that he was a perfect man. A perfect man I did not deserve.
His lips extended into a smile. "I love you too"
I couldn't understand how he could love me. I was selfish. I was worthless. I was nothing but a waste of earth's resources.
We spend the rest of the night lying in his bed talking. He was accepted into a residency program in Alaska, and he wanted to move in the summer. He wanted to move to a small town where Alice and Edward could ride their bikes to school. He wanted to be away from the place that took away Edward's happiness. He wanted to be somewhere his kids could heal from what happened to them.
I could see myself in Alaska. My sister, Sasha, lived in a small village called Denali and she always raved about how much she loved it. I could see myself living in the middle of nowhere, in a small house with snow covering the ground. I could see myself being with Carlisle. I could try and be worthy of his love.
I woke up in Carlisle's arms at 3am to a soft scream.
"It's just Edward" he murmured in my ear, "He has nightmares almost every night. Go back to sleep."
He left then, and I sat up. I peeked into the other bedroom, and I could hear Carlisle sooth Edward.
I turned on the coffee pot. I would not be able to fall back asleep, and I doubted he could either. I selfishly also wanted to talk to him more.
I poured two cups by the time Carlisle came back out.
"I thought you would go back to sleep" He signed as he sat next to me and put sugar into his cup
"Something about his screams makes that impossible"
Sadness washed over his blue eyes, "I wish I could take the pain away. I was hoping the psychologist would help him. But I doubt Edward would even consider talking to one now"
"I can't blame him"
"Carwiwl" I soft voice I didn't recognise said
We both spun around to see Edward looking up at us.
"I-I had a bad dream. I am scared." He said, tears streaming down his cheek.
"Come here baby" Carlisle said to him, his voice full of emotions.
Edward climbed into Carlisle's lap. Edward looked at me and took my hand, as if he wanted me to stay with him too.
He went into a play by play of his dream. How the airplane came into a building. How he was trapped and scared. He could hear Alice scream but couldn't see her. He fought to open the safe he was locked in.
I realized about half way through his story that this was not just a dream; it was what happened to him during nine eleven.
He talked about his mother's voice screaming at him to stay with Alice, and how he wished he stayed with his mom's voice in the darkness.
"No Edward, she wanted you to stay with Alice. She wanted you to survive" Carlisle reassured him. I squeezed Edward's hand.
He looked up at both of us, "Are you going to replace my mom and dad"
"No" Carlisle and I said in unison, "I won't ever replace your dad" Carlisle added
Edward thought about that for a second, "Will you be Dad #2 and Mom #2?"
Carlisle blinked, letting the tears roll out of his eyes. He kissed Edward's forehead.
"Of course I will be"
"Will you be mine too?"
The three of us spun around to see Alice at the doorway. Carlisle smiled and nodded and extended his arm to her. The four of us snuggled up to each other, and I never wanted to move from their warm embrace.
This was my real family. And I never wanted to let them go.