A/N: This turned out better than I expected! This was done for the Funny Little lines Competition and the Winners Galore Competition. Enjoy!
Pansy headed towards her room in the Slytherin Dorms. It had been a long day and she was looking forward to collapsing in her bed and letting sleep claim her. Yawning, she padded towards the slowly approaching door, and then stopped all of a sudden. It was a faint noise, coming from the bathroom, so she leaned her ear closer to make out the sound. Her eyes widened when she realized what it was. There was someone crying in the room.
It sounded like they were trying the stifle the cries, but the occasional soft whimper escaped and Pansy couldn't help but wince in sympathy when she heard it. It wasn't every day that a Slytherin broke down crying after all. No matter what all the other houses said, they were a pretty tough bunch.
She wondered if she should go inside. The person inside would definitely be embarrassed to be caught doing something so wimpy. But if they didn't want to be caught crying, Pansy rationalized, they shouldn't have come to a place that was shared between the girls of the dorm. With that thought in mind, she steeled her nerves and pushed the door open.
The crying came to a stop at the noise and Pansy glanced around the room. At first, she missed the figure huddled near the sink because she had shrunken in on herself in her depression. A second sweeping glance identified the person. It was Astoria Greengrass. The normally unflappable Ice Queen was sitting on the bathroom floor, crying her eyes out.
"Pansy." She acknowledged weakly. "What do you want?"
Their eyes met, and immediately Pansy understood what was going on in the way that all girls would know. It was a boy.
Now, normally Pansy wasn't the comforting sort, or a scared, wimpy sort of girl, but Astoria's eyes were red rimmed and her eyes were begging for help. So, with an internal cringe, she went to sit by the girl and patted her back.
"Who was it?" She asked.
Astoria sniffled once and rubbed her eyes. "Theodore Nott." She said, looking miserable. "He cheated on me with Tracey Davis. Tracey of all people! What makes her so much better than me, huh?"
Pansy nodded while the girl ranted out all her feelings, and then burst out crying again.
"Tell you what," Pansy said suddenly, "I have the perfect cure for heartbreak."
Astoria blinked at her curiously.
Pansy merely smirked.
"Meet me at the third floor, at the top of the staircase tomorrow morning after breakfast."
Astoria knew for a fact that was where Theodore would be heading for the first class of the day, and wondered what Pansy was planning. Nothing good if the glimmer in her eyes was any indication.
The next day, Astoria clutched at her books and waited for her house mate. Pansy arrived not a moment later and grinned slightly at her.
And so they waited.
And waited.
And waited some more.
Finally, Theodore could be seen coming up the stairs. Pansy nodded at Astoria and gestured for her to follow her. The boy and soon-to-be victim of Pansy hadn't seen them yet; he was talking to Blaise Zabini and had his head turned away from them. Casually, Pansy walked slowly with Astoria, timing it perfectly so that the two groups reached the top of the stairs at the same time. And then, she casually not-so-gently bumped into Theodore… and sent him tumbling down the stairs.
He flipped backwards, tangling with his robes, as he hit the banister and bounced down the rest of the stairs. By the time he reached a full stop, he had become unconscious and most of the nearby Gryffindor's were openly pointing and laughing at him.
Astoria gaped at Pansy in amazement. Pansy merely smiled back and imparted a piece of wisdom that would stay with Astoria for the rest of her life.
"Boy's are like slinkies. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs."
The two girls laughed and went on their way, arm in arm. Needless to say, Theodore avoided them like the plague from then on.