When XiChen had declared that he was going into seclusion, he had thought he would be like his father: a man best left to his own meditations, worked around by better people.

Instead, his uncle came by every week to discuss sect business just like he had done before. His brother came by twice a week to play him music. Wei WuXian dropped by at random intervals to give him all the gossip that was forbidden at Cloud Recesses.

"You're already punishing yourself, so you might as well break this rule too and just roll the punishment in with the rest."

"That's not…" he had trailed off, unsure if he was going to say that wasn't how punishments work or explain that his seclusion wasn't punishment, it was prevention. It was stopping him from making even more of a mess of things than he already had.

Wei WuXian took the failure to continue his sentence as permission, and grinned widely. "Then let me tell you: Jin Ling has now paid an exorbitant amount to all the Yunmeng matchmakers to get Jiang Cheng off their blacklists!"

Wei WuXian laughed so hard his words struggled to get out, and by the end was literally rolling on the floor.

"Those poor matchmakers! Those poor maidens who were hoping to go to those matchmakers and not have to suffer though being set up with Jiang Cheng! I wish I could have seen Jiang Cheng's face when he discovered what Jin Ling did!"

XiChen found himself sympathetic with the Jiang Sect Leader, but, "surely Sect Leader Jiang can just refuse."

Even as he said it, he knew it wasn't true. Sect Leaders could not simply refuse to marry. Although it only now occurred to him that all four Leaders of the main sects were currently unmarried.

"That's the best part! Jin Ling swore an oath, in front of way too many people, that he wouldn't marry until Jiang Cheng did!"

Wei WuXian had continued to laugh, but XiChen had felt even more sympathetic to his fellow Sect Leader. Why must a Sect Leader's every personal failing have such far-reaching political impact?

And why was it only now that XiChen felt a connection to the Jiang Sect Leader? The Jiang and Lan Sects had both suffered massacres at the beginning of the Sunshot Campaign. Lan XiChen and Jiang Wanyin had both risen to the role of Sect Leader as young men facing battle. Surely their similarities should have drawn them together. Their closeness in turn could have given WangJi and Wei WuXian a better connection. Instead, the Lan and Jiang Sects had focused on the war and focused on their individual recoveries and the Jin Sect had helped both Jiang and Lan Sects, but only separately. One Jin son helped the Jiang and another Jin son helped the Lan.

How much of A-Yao's kindness to the Lan had been intending to keep them dependent on the Jin alone and not reaching out to other allies?

Must XiChen question every gift, look for manipulation in every interaction instead of feel gratitude?

He wasn't used to hate and he wasn't used to jealousy and now it felt like he was being swamped by both. Just knowing that other people succeeded where he had so thoroughly failed felt like acid running through this meridians. On the occasions when he managed to keep himself away from hatred and anger, there was guilt and despair waiting to drown him.

He wasn't the first Sect Leader to have a sworn brother die by his own hands after betraying the entire cultivation world. Sect Leader Jiang had survived, had flourished even, but he hadn't had to live with his own clan members looking at him with disdain and pity. XiChen knew it was an ugly thought even as he thought it: Sect Leader Jiang had lived without any of his clan members surviving at all. It was not a situation to envy. But Sect Leader Jiang had survived while XiChen struggled to even breath. Sect Leader Jiang had regrown his Sect from nothing, to being the strongest, most established, most well respected Sect Leader alive.

That could have been XiChen instead. It would have been if he hadn't proven himself so unworthy of his own reputation.

He had never felt like such an ugly person before.

When even meditating in the Hanshi was too much, he went on walks.

He stayed away from the few other people making similar walks but also slowly came to realize that most of the people he was avoiding were women. Cloud Recesses had been massacred in the Sunshot Campaign and their cultivators went to war and were further diminished. But the female disciples of the Lan Sect were the defenders, the hidden houses in the hills.

XiChen had once hoped to arrange A-Yao's marriage to one of his own clan members, but A-Yao had politely turned him down. A-Yao had stated that he wanted closer ties to the Jin Sect, and a hostess who could stand by his side at the Jin banquets. It had made sense at the time, but now XiChen wondered: why had no one asked about Jin GuangShan's other children?

Jin GuangShan had refused to acknowledge even A-Yao until he had been a war hero respected by the entirety of the cultivation world. How many other children might he never have acknowledged?

How many of the children raised in brothels who never managed to leave and simply started working there had been A-Yao's siblings?

If A-Yao had been tricked and trapped into incest, how much more likely was it that Jin GuangShan had sunk to that low as well?

On one of his walks, he heard a woman's voice reciting the rules. She was sweeping the path he was walking, going even slower than he was, using a broom as a spiritual tool to brush the leaves and dust away and leave the planks of the path shining and clean.

"Appreciate the good people."

"See friends as neighbors."

"Win friendship with kindness."

"Have a strong will and anything can be achieved."

"Believe sincerely."

"Earn trust."

He walked silently behind her, careful to stay out of view along the winding path, focusing on his breathing and the recitation of the rules. Trying to find peace in their certainty and let go of the bitterness that they brought him.

"Be fair and others will follow you."

"Be trustworthy, and others will believe you."

"Be mighty and others will die for you."

He had done all of that: been fair, been trustworthy, and been mighty, and he had achieved the rules those rules predicted: others followed him, believed him, and died for him. And it was nothing he had ever desired.

"Take the straight path."

"Reject the crooked path."

And she laughed. It was startling and clear, like a bell summoning others to laugh as well, and XiChen was surprised to join in. Here they were, walking in the back hills along a winding path built for the purpose of meditation, and it was not straight at all.

His laugh had startled himself, but is startled her even more. She whipped around to see where the sound was coming from, and froze when she saw him.

"I'm sorry for interrupting your meditation," it was only after he started speaking that he realized he wasn't sure how to address her. He didn't recognize her, but she was clearly a cultivator despite wearing the humble robes of a Gusu Lan servant for this task. He finally settled on "disciple."

She winced. "I apologize for interrupting your seclusion, Sect Leader Lan."

He winced. "Please don't call me that."

They were both caught in the moment of awkwardness and XiChen knew he could just walk away, but he was curious about her. He was curious about a person who could sweep the dust from forest paths while reciting the clan rules, and use the skills of a cultivator while wearing the dress of a servant.

If he wanted to speak with her, and if he didn't want to be called Sect Leader, then he had to give her something else to call him. "I am Lan XiChen. May I know your name?" He shouldn't have to ask the name of one of the disciples of his own sect, he should know them all, and yet, it was fitting to simply admit to yet another failing as a sect leader.

She winced again. "This one is Li JiaQi. I am one of the rescued children. It would be inappropriate for me to address the Sect Leader too informally."

One of the rescued children. The Lan Sect rescued a number of children from various situations and brought them back to Cloud Recesses as both a show of righteousness and a source of grateful labor. So it was true to call many of the workers around Cloud Recesses, rescued children. But it was also used as a euphemism for those children specifically rescued from brothels.

He had once been so proud of being able to tell Meng Yao that the Lan Sect rescued such children. Now he felt like the purest hypocrite.

He looked at the disciple again, clearly examined the contours of her face, the color of her eyes. It was rude of him, but he had to know.

With the way she looked like pure Lan, her father must have broken several rules to have met with her mother and even more to have allowed her to grow up in need of rescue from a brothel. If his uncle knew who her father had been, his punishment would have been kept quiet but been severe.

That her name was Li rather than Lan meant that his uncle either didn't know who her father was or that she had half-siblings whose inheritance could not be disrupted.

His stomach knotted and his golden core roiled. His uncle always tried to protect him and WangJi. XiChen loved his uncle and appreciated all that he had done for him, but sometimes, that protection went too far. "Reject the crooked path" was a rule and it was an important rule, but in order to reject such a path, he had to know that it existed. All too often his uncle would prevent him from even realizing a crooked path was there for him to stumble down. A-Yao had done the same, hiding the crooked path from him, even as he guided his steps down it. And both of them would claim, had claimed, that it was for his protection, to keep him from pain. And it never, ever worked that way. It only ever introduced more pain later.

"Do you know your father's name?"

She shook her head. "My mother only ever says that it was a Gusu Lan member with a ribbon. When she sent a letter to the grandmaster, he bought my mother's freedom from the brothel and offered her a position as a servant at Cloud Recesses, in the women's dormitory and gave me a place among the female disciples."

What had once seemed like an act of charity on the part of his sect, now struck him as the very least they could have done to make up for their shame. He wondered now how bitter A-Yao had been at XiChen considering such actions noble.

He couldn't resist asking, "Did you ever meet Jin GuangYao?"

She shook her head again, but then said, "I heard about him."

"What did you hear?" He wasn't sure what he wanted her to say. Rumors were forbidden in Cloud Recesses but learning was always promoted. Could he be vindicated that other people had also heard good or be castigated that other people knew what he did not.

"My mother said to leave him alone. That he had left his past behind him, and it was either because he wanted nothing to do with it and would be hurt by any reminder or because he was bent on revenge and would hurt others for any reminder."

"She couldn't tell?"

"He rose so high after starting from so low. It's not uncommon for the children of such lives to be bent upon revenge. My mother thought that maybe he was not because he had risen so high instead. That he had given up revenge in order to achieve honor instead. She never thought that he had achieved both revenge and power."

"How did you avoid it?" Because surely she must have avoided it to laugh so clearly while simply sweeping a path, and yet, it can't have been anything that Cloud Recesses did specifically because anything they had given her surely paled in comparison to what A-Yao had been given.

"Set appropriate expectations." She recited. It was one of the earlier and more opaque rules, XiChen thought, but she said it with import.

"Are you happy then as a disciple, sweeping the paths of the back hills?" The words came out like an insult but he hadn't intended them that way. "I didn't mean…," he started and then trailed off, ashamed of himself in all new ways.

She looked at him for a moment and he realized that she was probably a few years younger than him and yet she was so much more sure of herself. It must have been obvious too, because she answered the question he was trying to ask rather than the one he actually asked: "You are unhappy because your life does not meet you expectations. If you cannot change your life, then you must change your expectations."

"I should then expect betrayal? I can't live like that."

"It's not a matter of expecting betrayal as it is taking pleasure in instances of loyalty."

"That's not…." He trailed off. Could he not find pleasure in those who were loyal to him rather than focus solely on those who were not? "How have you set your expectations?" It was rude of him to ask, but what else could he do.

"I don't like swords and fighting but I do like cultivating. I have found away to cultivate with my broom. I would have liked a husband and child of my own but I can work in the nursery instead. I can find happiness here even if it's now what I might otherwise have wished for."

"Surely marriage is available to you."

"My father is unknown, I am a rescued child, and I can't go on night hunts to sweep up monsters." There was soft amusement in her face at that last image and XiChen tried to match it, but was too distracted by the implications of the first two parts.

Without a known father, she could not marry inside the sect for fear of introducing too close a blood connection. It would be a risk not only to herself and any potential husband, but also for any children such a marriage would produce. He had mourned little RuSong for years and now had trouble even thinking of the sweet boy he had loved so dearly and whose death A-Yao had orchestrated rather than address the consequences of such a cursed union.

A-Yao's family had also been extensive, at least on his father's side, but his connection to that family so fragile. XiChen knew that the marriage with Qin Su had been desired but it had also been politically helpful.

Now he wondered how much A-Yao had desired simply having a family, having a child, having the respect of other married men with children. And how much had A-Yao broken when that hope had turned to betrayal?

"I am sorry." He said and he wasn't even sure who he was apologizing to or for what.

"There is no need. I am content."

"Then thank you for your wisdom."

Surely he could find contentment in what was rather than constantly mourn for what might have been.

XiChen had known that A-Yao hadn't always taken what XiChen would consider the honorable path. Few people did. Not even XiChen's own brother followed the honorable path to the degree that XiChen wished. But he had thought... he had thought that A-Yao's intentions were still focused on decreasing the resentful energy that manifested in their world.

Instead, A-Yao had tried to harness it, to use it, to increase it.

He wished he could fool himself into blaming the Yiling Patriarch for creating that path down which A-Yao and Xue Yang and so many others had gone. But he knew it wasn't true. The Yiling Patriarch might have been the first to ever truly master the demonic path, and even that mastery was deeply in question given his eventual end, but many a cultivator had explored it before, and it was Wen RuoHan with whom both A-Yao and Xue Yang had once worked directly.

The Sunshot Campaign had been necessary for more than just their Sect's survival. In Wen RuoHan's insanity, he had begun to spread resentful creatures, create them and develop them, while at the same time destroying so many cultivation clans.

And yet, it had still been a difficult decision to send their cultivators to war, to risk their own dying and to kill other cultivators who might have otherwise taken a stand against the resentful energy that was a constant threat bent on destroying them all.

Destroying Wen RuoHan had been necessary, but it had also been devastating.

Resentful energy had been everywhere, resentful creatures everywhere.

It had been too easy, in the wake of Wen RuoHan's rise and the massive losses of the Sunshot Campaign to believe that stopping the Yiling Patriarch before he had a chance to truly start was just as necessary.

In retrospect it hadn't been necessary, not immediately. Maybe Wei WuXian wouldn't have killed any of the cultivators he did if he hadn't been confronted.

But the fear had been so very real. It had seemed so natural that of course Wei WuXian would suffer the same descent into madness that Wen RuoHan had and if the remaining major sects had left him to marinate in the resentful energy of the Burial Mounds until he took to the offense, it would have been too late.

Cultivation clans fought an endless battle against the constant threat of resentful energy. They could and did become wealthy and gain respect and honor by doing so, but it was also a necessary task for the survival of all people, ordinary and cultivator alike. More cultivators died violent deaths than not and only a rare few ever achieved the promised immortality that lay as the goal of their efforts.

It was important to cleanse rivers and lakes of water ghouls before they could become water abyss. So too it had been important to rid the world of a demonic cultivator before he had could become another tyrant.

A-Yao had spoken to XiChen about the invasion of the Burial Mounds. About the necessity of it. How, if Wen RuoHan had been unsatisfied with being the Head Cultivator and Sect Leader of the most powerful of the Five Major Sects, how much more resentful would Wei WuXian be, as little more than a rogue cultivator living in the Burial Mounds. It had made sense. It was only logical.

And yet, now, seeing how pleased Wei WuXian was simply to exist in WangJi's presence, how satisfied he was by spices added to his food, how overwhelmed he was by simple compliments, XiChen wondered if he should have turned the question around.

If Wen RuoHan had been unsatisfied as Sect Leader of the Wen Sect, how much more resentful must Meng Yao have been to be so lately and so begrudgingly recognized by his own father and the Jin Sect.

His mind went in circles.

His uncle's visits were a welcome reprieve from over thinking all of his decisions in the past. His uncle demanded that he think of current issues and make practical decisions about the running of the sect. Even reviewing budgets was a welcome relief.

It was a relief until it wasn't.

XiChen listened to his uncle's proposal that the kitchen order spices from each of the other sect areas and have occasional meals that would allow the disciples to become accustomed to different flavor palettes.

He couldn't help but wonder if this was his uncle's way of trying to prevent another failure like XiChen's. His inability to identify evil when it was masked with kind words was similar enough to any cultivator being unable to taste poison masked by sweet flavors.

He wondered if he was becoming too self-centered in his seclusion.

His father had lived in seclusion for all of XiChen's life and it only ever seemed to make him more selfish rather than less.

When XiChen had first stated that he planned to enter seclusion, his uncle had sat with him, with tears in his own eyes, and said, "You can love a brother and still acknowledge that they have done evil."

The words had grated and he had lashed out in a way he hadn't since he'd been a young child, "what do you know of such things?"

Uncle was the embodiment of the Lan rules, their true perfection. He should have been the Sect Leader rather than weak, blind XiChen.

His uncle had merely shaken his head.

It wasn't until much later that he thought about it. That he was able to consider his uncle and how his father was his uncle's brother. He knew his uncle loved his father, and he also knew that for the entire time that his uncle had been acting Sect Leader, he's also maintained the guard that kept his father's seclusion enforced.

XiChen didn't have a guard. Or rather, had an honor guard to ensure that if he called out, he would have immediate assistance. But there was no guard around the Hanshi to prevent passage.

When had his father become unredeemable and why wasn't XiChen unredeemable as well?

When had A-Yao become irredeemable?

Even when XiChen had bound his spiritual power at A-Yao's command, he hadn't truly been scared of him hurting him. But then A-Yao had threatened Jin Ling and XiChen had tried to tell himself that A-Yao couldn't possibly have meant it, no matter how he pretended. Surely if everyone had just told A-Yao that they knew he wouldn't actually carry through such a threat, then he would know that it hadn't worked and would stop pretending.

After all, how many times had A-Yao chided XiChen for believing that A-Yao would act in such an unacceptable way? It was shameful for XiChen to believe such things of his own brother.

And yet… in the end the shame was that he hadn't believed. His sworn brother had acted in such a way and XiChen had allowed him to do so.

When had A-Yao become irredeemable and why wasn't XiChen irredeemable as well? Why did his uncle still come to him, why was his guard still only an honor guard?

And then the answer came: when had A-Yao become irredeemable? Never. Because his uncle, his brother, and Wei WuXian had figured out how to give A-Yao peace and liberation, even now, even after death.

His uncle, his brother, and Wei WuXian had some system to their visits such that hey didn't overlap, or occur too quickly one after another, but this time they came to him together.

This week, his uncle's visit included WangJi and Wei WuXian as escorts.

They came together but it was his uncle who presented the ritual that they had worked together to create. The ritual of liberation that would allow his two brothers to find peace. The ritual that they so clearly hoped would allow XiChen to find peace as well.

He hadn't known what to say, how could he make this choice, to free his brothers and himself? Didn't he deserve to suffer? Didn't they?

It was only when he tried to speak that he realized he was crying. He took some steadying breaths before managing to say, "The Nie and Jin Sect Leaders must have a voice in this as well."

His uncle had nodded and ushered his brother and Wei WuXian out of the Hanshi.

A week later, his uncle's visit came with four others: WangJi, Wei Wuxian, Sect Leader Nie, and Sect Leader Jin.

XiChen tried to tell himself that he didn't know what he wanted. It wasn't true. He knew what he wanted. He just didn't know what he should want. He looked to the other two sect leaders. Let them decide what was proper, when all he wanted with all his heart and soul was for his sworn brothers to be at peace: with him, with themselves, with each other. It might not be what any of them deserved, but it was what he wanted.

His uncle presented the ritual again, and at least this time XiChen had enough control to prevent tears.

Nie HuaiSang hid his face behind his fan for a time, giving himself time to think, before he lowered the fan and nodded. "Meng Yao was once a friend to me, and even if he were not, his punishment is not worth prolonging my brother's pain. Let them both be calmed."

"I don't want it to be secret," Jin RuLan stated belligerently. "I hate what Jin GuangYao did, I hate it, and I hate him, but he was also my uncle and I, I loved him." Jin RuLan raised his chin in defiance of any of them questioning him on that. "He tried to kill Fairy, but he also gave Fairy to me. His shame has been made public, let his calming be public as well."

"If we are going to do this, then Sect Leader Jiang should be a witness too." XiChen finally said, but then looked to his uncle to confirm. He felt like his fourteen-year-old self, when Uncle QiRen first started to involve him in the duties of Sect heir. No, less certain even than that. As a child, he had at least had the expectation that he would learn what was needed even if he didn't know it then. Now, he realized how much he had failed, how little he could trust his abilities and instincts when it came to leadership.

He was relieved to see Uncle QiRen nod in judicious agreement. "Yes. A ritual that effects three of the four great sects, must necessarily effect the fourth as well. I also understand that he was present in the temple when Sect Leader Nie's corpse was interred along with Jin GuangYao? Then yes, he must be invited to be present in their calming as well."

XiChen was so grateful for his uncle's support, not just in confirming his decision was the right one but also able to verbalize why it was right without leaving XiChen to try to defend his own statements. How could he possibly ever defend his own political instincts again?

He was so grateful that he almost missed the way Uncle QiRen looked at Wei WuXian as he spoke, or the look of gratitude that Wei WuXian gave his uncle as well.

His uncle made the arrangements, but XiChen was not surprised to find Sect Leader Jiang on his doorstep one afternoon. "I understand that I have you to thank for the invitation to be involved in Wei WuXian's latest creation."

"Anything involving three of the great Sects must surely involve the fourth instead."

"That's not something I'd expect to hear from a member of the Venerated Triad."

XiChen took a moment to breath at that unexpected attack. "And that is something I should have expected to hear from Sandu Shengshou." Sect Leader Jiang used his poisonous attitude well. But it was true. "You should have been involved as well."

"You were an active element in the deaths of your previous two sworn brothers. Forgive me if I'm not delighted at the thought that I might have been a third."

It felt like a slap to the face. Or maybe a punch to the stomach, because it made breathing difficult.

"Why are you here?" XiChen finally managed to say. Sect Leader Jiang was known for being vicious when pressed but also for being protective of his people and uncaring for those who were not his people. He didn't make unprovoked attacks.

Then Jiang Wanyin sighed and said, "you do realize that the obvious response is to say that I have done the same. I was hardly uninvolved in my own brother's death. Seclusion has not done you any favors. You really have become too self-centered. Not everything is about you."

"Why are you here?" He said again.

"You are now Wei WuXian's brother for all practical purposes. Brothers are people who will fight by your side and tell you that you're wrong when you're wrong and still do their best to help you. You were kind, but were you ever stern? Did you ever call Jin GuangYao out on his actions? Not the terrible things," Jiang Cheng jerked one hand dismissively, "I know you didn't know about the patricide or the incest, but you had to know about at least some of the double dealings. Did you ever call him out on those? On anything at all?"

"I never knew, I never knew about any of it."

"You're not a blind deaf idiot. Despite appearances. A person can't live in Koi tower without breaking half a dozen of the Lan Sect rules. Your brother harasses Wei WuXian about staying up past 9. Did you ever tell Jin GuangYao, 'no'."

"I… told him not to bow to me."

Jiang Cheng actually growled a bit as he looked away. "You can't stop people from abandoning you." He finally said bluntly. "If they're going to leave, they'll leave, no matter how kind you are, and if they can't deal with you ever critiquing them in anyway, then they are worse than useless and so are you."

It was enraging, even if the words were nothing more than what he'd said to himself a thousand times.

"Don't…"

"You remind me of my father." He suddenly laughed a short harsh exhale. "And Nie MingJu my mother. And somehow I have sympathy for Jin GuangYao, caught between his two brothers, one who has no give and one who has no structure."

"Everybody breaks the Lan Sect rules! Everyone!" XiChen found himself yelling, despite the rule against making unnecessary noise. He hadn't yelled in years, and yet Sect Leader Jiang was inspiring.

His uncle would be disappointed in him, but Sect Leader Jiang actually seemed to appreciate it.

"Of course they do! Those rules are ridiculous! They set an impossible standard of perfection."

"Why are you here?" XiChen asked for a third time.

Sect Leader Jiang scowled. "Wei WuXian isn't my brother. Not anymore. He gave that up. But if you're going to be his brother, if he's going to make impossible things for you, then I need to know that you'll be a brother to him. And that means letting him know when he's wrong and but still supporting him, even when he's wrong."

"I will do my best," XiChen said. As if his best had ever been enough before.

"Do better."

XiChen nodded. "I'll do my best to be a better brother in the future than I have been in the past."

Sect Leader Jiang nodded and turned to go with an extra scowl at WangJi who was approaching. WangJi nodded an acknowledgement but didn't say anything until Sect Leader Jiang had departed.

"You still dislike Sect Leader Jiang so much?" XiChen asked. He was surprised that WangJi's dislike of anyone overrode his desire to give Wei WuXian whatever support he needed.

"Mm." WangJi equivocated, meaning something along the lines of, I do dislike him but I also recognize that in addition to a personal disinclination to him there are complicated feelings of jealousy, guilt, and blame both deserved and undeserved, and I prefer to deal with that entire mess by ignoring it and therefore ignoring it's target.

"Can you not speak with him?"

"Hn," WangJi said, which meant something along the lines of, I had not expected your seclusion to have so eroded your memories of Sect Leader Jiang as to think that all the issues of jealousy, guilt, and blame are on my side and that he would be any more willing to work through them with me.

XiChen had to admit, if only to himself, that that was fair.

"Sect Leader Jiang still cares deeply about Wei WuXian."

"Mm." WangJi said, and then continued, "Wei Ying cares about him too."

An ideas was slowly blooming in XiChen's mind and he wasn't certain if it was good or not. He didn't trust his own ideas anymore, surely his mind was thoroughly tainted. And yet, he had an idea that might help. He spoke carefully. "Wei WuXian has given me something incredibly precious and I would like to give him something of equal value."

"We are family," WangJi said, which likely meant that it wasn't necessary for XiChen to do anything but that WangJi would certainly not oppose any gift XiChen thought to give or even oppose XiChen in accomplishing something after so many months of XiChen refusing to strive for anything.

"Mm," XiChen said, meaning, yes, we are family even if Sect Leader Jiang and Wei WuXian have officially repudiated each other. Even if it wasn't official anymore, or possibly yet.

He let the idea sit in the back of his mind.

He used to be good at connecting people. Or rather, he used to think he had been good at it. He had brought his two sworn brothers together. Evidence of his success, he had once thought, now evidence of his failure, he knew.

He had promoted WangJi's friendship with Wei WuXian when he shouldn't have, then condemned it when he shouldn't have. If he had never supported it, then they would have been better, but having supported it to begin with, he should have maintained the strength.

He asked his uncle for the records of the people in his sect. He explained merely that he had seen a disciple on his walks in the back hills and had been ashamed that he didn't know her name. He was sect leader, surely he should know the names of his own disciples.

His uncle had looked doubtful at his explanation, but brought the records to the Hanshi for XiChen to reviews. The population of male disciples in the Lan Sect were only slowly recovering to the pre-war levels, but the population of female disciples had actually increased with the surge of widows and refugees.

It was no long after that all four Sect Leaders gathered again at Guanyin Temple, with entourages that included quite a few witnesses from smaller sects as well, for the purpose of watching Lan WangJi, Lan QiRen, and Wei WuXian perform a cleansing ritual together, to calm the fiercest of resentful spirits.

It was a master class in spiritual liberation.

XiChen felt like it was a personal gift of liberation to himself as well. The ritual, at least. The event itself was the fist time that XiChen had left Cloud Recesses in over a year and it felt like everyone was staring at him.

He had never before considered himself excessively prideful. Excessive pride was forbidden, of course, but people had always told him that he was very nice and very kind and always so pleasant to the people beneath him.

The people beneath him.

That phrase alone should have let him know that he had failed at achieving true humility.

He had never truly failed before. The laughter at that thought caught in his head before it even made it to his breath. He had clearly failed so completely and utterly. Failed himself. Failed MingJue. Failed Meng Yao who had once been capable of becoming someone other than the version of Jin GuangYao he had died as.

He had never before failed in a meaningful way, had never had his failure pointed out to him so thoroughly and in such a public manner. Had never had to survive with the knowledge that there were people who could rightfully hate him for what he had done or failed to do.

And yet, in the temple, with his family around him, creating the impossible to give him peace, he finally realized that it was possible to recover. He couldn't undo the damage he had done, but he could stop bad habits, he could continue to learn.

He held so much blame, and yet, retreating would not lessen that blame, while action, the right action, might assuage at least some of the pain of the survivors.

After the ritual was completed, the spirits successfully liberated, the witnesses converged on his uncle, his brother, and Wei WuXian to discuss the process and how it might be applied in other circumstances. It was not a discussion conference, but there would be plenty of discussion.

XiChen did not join in the discussion but didn't depart entirely either.

Sect Leader Jiang was the same, staying back but continuing to watch.

He did notice that Sect Leader Jin and Jiang were trading barbed looks.

He made his way sedately over the Sect Leader Jiang. "I've read your list of requests for marriage prospects."

Sect Leader Jiang turned to look at him and by look XiChen meant glare with cold disdain, daring him to speak further.

It was enough to make a lesser man flinch. Or possibly a greater man. A man who had not already been so shamed. The worst that could happen had already happened, how could XiChen back down from this

Sect Leader Jiang finally gave a verbal response. "Despite what you might have heard from my nephew, I am not actually looking to marry right now."

"And yet, I come to you rather than to your nephew for this conversation."

"That almost sounded like a threat." Sect Leader Jiang actually seemed more amused by the observation than angry.

It reminded XiChen painfully of MingJu who had also appreciated blunt honesty over propriety.

"You have stated that you are not intending to marry right now. In this unofficial setting, with no witnesses to hear. Do you actually intend to marry at all?"

Sect Leader Jiang scowled harder, but finally said, "I don't want my parents' marriage."

XiChen grimaced a bit at that. "Sect Leader Jin has made it public that he wants you to marry. And you have not named an heir that would make your marriage unnecessary."

Sect Leader Jiang scowled at him and XiChen tried to at least mimic his old assurance that he knew what he was doing. "Last time we met, you told me that I needed to be less accepting of unacceptable behavior. Do not say one thing and mean another. Do not take your own words lightly."

Sect Leader Jiang's scowl deepened with every statement, but eventually he interrupted to say, "I know I will need to marry eventually. Marry a respectable woman and have an heir."

XiChen considered that answer for a moment before deciding it was insufficient. "I have chosen to never marry because I do not desire to marry."

Sect Leader Jiang actually growled a little bit before biting out. "I want to marry. At some point. I want to have a child of my own, to continue my bloodline. But my sect is… I need someone who is willing to marry me, marry Jiang Cheng, not just Sect Leader Jiang. Someone who could be happy with me."

XiChen nodded his understanding.

Having started talking, Sect Leader Jiang had more than that to say, though. "Jin Ling's fallen in love with one of the Ouyang girls and apparently it's reciprocated. Jin Ling is trying to hide it but Ouyang Zizhen is not subtle, possibly not even trying to be subtle, about how I'm blocking the engagement from being announced."

"Do you not approve?" From what XiChen knew, it was a good match, and the sister of a close friend just increased the benefits to both sides.

"Of course I approve! I'd give my blessings today if Jin Ling would just request them. But he's stuck on the oath he made to not marry before me."

"Ah."

"He tried to convince me to marry one of her sisters so we could be brothers-in-law."

Sect Leader Jiang looked absolutely revolted at the thought. XiChen cringed a bit himself, but also couldn't quite avoid finding it humorous himself. "That does seem oddly incestuous." But then the humor all drained away, because now even the word incestuous reminded him of A-Yao and that was a horrible connection for his own mind to make.

Sect Leader Jiang grimaced as well, his thoughts likely going the same place.

XiChen took a breath to get the conversation back on track. "However the thought had occurred to me as well."

Sect Leader Jiang looked confused, "What thought?"

"That you should be my brother-in-law."

Wei WuXian had married into the Lan Sect but had been cast out of the Jiang Sect years prior even to his death much less his revival. The marriage between Wei WuXian and WangJi did not, officially, create a relationship between the Lan and Jiang Sects.

"What are you saying?"

"The women of the Lan clan study and live separately. But there are among them many who are pretty but not too pretty, polite, kind, with solid cultivation but not too strong…" XiChen started reciting. Sect Leader Jiang's list of bride demands was a thing of legend that even the rule against rumors in Cloud Recesses could not contain.

"And birth?" Jiang Cheng interrupted. "Because the massacre destroyed many records, but I still know the full family trees of all the great Sects."

XiChen wasn't sure what to make of Sect Leader Jiang's tone of voice, was it mocking or daring? He wished MingJu were here to help him. He had to change himself and he could not allow himself to be deflected away from unpleasant topics. "None of high birth although at least one who is visibly a Lan of the main family."

"I don't care to be seen as someone who would marry a Lan bastard."

"She is not…!" XiChen bit off the words because he was suddenly enraged that Sect Leader Jiang would say something like that.

"Isn't she? I do know that the Lan take in rescue children." It was mocking but also carefully observant. And pleased that he had received the reaction he did. And then he said, rather caustically, "The Jiang get children away from brothels as well, but we don't label them forever more with their origin."

XiChen winced at that reprimand.

"If you want to introduce any potential brides to me, then have their birth records and acceptable parentage worked out by the time you invite me to Cloud Recesses to meet them."

"I… had thought to adopt as my sister any disciple you agreed to marry."

Jiang Cheng snorted. "No. I won't hold respectability as a bribe over any woman to marry me." Then he raised his voice, "Jin Ling! Get over here!"

Sect Leader Jin was suddenly there, looking somewhere between excited and suspicious. "Yes, Uncle?"

"XiChen is offering to find a bride for me."

"Yes!"

"I'm demanding that he clean house before he presents anyone."

"Ah… clean house?" Sect Leader Jin looked even more confused than XiChen felt.

Jiang Cheng's smile was enough to strike terror into anyone, XiChen and Sect Leader Jin included. "Much like your work to identify and make respectable you various hidden aunts and uncles."

"Oooh," Sect Leader Jin said, and then, "the Lan Clan? Really?"

XiChen had been hoping to keep these negotiations quietly between just him and Jiang Cheng. This was apparently not going to be the case and Sect Leader Jin was looking a bit too invested already. He was a close friend of Lan JingYi's, XiChen recalled.

"I… lying is forbidden at Cloud Recesses."

"So is promiscuity. And disrespect." Sect Leader Jiang raised his eyebrows in challenge.

XiChen didn't have much to stay to that.

Jiang Cheng clapped his hands on both of their shoulders, in easy familiarity before saying, "You two should work together more! This is an excellent opportunity for Jin and Lan cooperation in order to bring the Jiang into an alliance. I am not unwilling, but you two had better do this well."

"We absolutely will, uncle!"

XiChen found himself reluctantly smiling as well. "I will surely do my best."

XiChen was really beginning to think that Jiang Cheng should have been named the Chief Cultivator, although as soon as that idea crossed his mind he thought better of it. They were extremely lucky that Jiang Cheng had only minor interest in anything not directly related to his own family and Sect.

He had entered seclusion with the expectation that he would never again involve himself in the affairs of other people. He found himself now wondering how best to change the lives of dozens of people in order to support his family. He was fairly sure this was an improvement. He could only hope that time would prove him right this time.