A/N: Written for the Painfully Bad Challenge. Yes, this is purposefully meant to be OOC with a bit of crack! too.
It all started on a snowy winter morning in Hogwarts. Severus had just woken up and was making his way to the Great Hall when, all of a sudden, he saw that idiot Longbottom stride confidently into his seat. He stared. It was unusual to see him with his face completely calm, not to mention he was smirking too. But Severus dismissed it moments later when the boy returned to his normal slouching, nervous form. He quickly glanced around the table. It seemed no one else had notice, although it was hard to tell if Dumbledore had.
Later, in Potions class it happened again. Harry Potter, the Harry Potter bolted straight out of his seat. All attention was immediately drawn to him, including Severus's. He stood there for a while, swaying from side to side.
"What is it Potter?" he spat. "I haven't got all day."
Quite frankly, he was unnerved by the dreamy smile on his face.
"Professor Snape~" he sang. By now, even his friends were gaping at him. "I loovvee you!" He then proceeded to throw himself at the shocked professor. Thankfully, he came to his senses before he collided with the boy and sent a binding spell at him. Harry didn't do anything but continue smiling that idiotic smile.
"Granger." He snapped anxiously. "Take him to the nurse's wing. And don't even think of stepping into the classroom until he's back to normal!"
The girl didn't even glare at him as she usually did, which just showed how surprised she was. White faced, Granger helped him to his feet and led him out. But then something happened. He escaped. Severus didn't even know how. In the span of a second, he had a lovesick Potter clinging to his arm happily.
He jerked and attempted to force the boy off. It worked for a while before Potter started running after him. The Gryffindor's all started laughing, thinking this was some joke, but Severus could see in the boy's eyes that he was completely serious, if not sane. In the end, it took a couple of hexes and a strengthened binding spell to get him knocked out.
"Class dismissed." He said, panting slightly. Who knew that boy was so strong?
"But professor!" Granger complained.
"Class. Is. Dismissed." He ground out before sweeping out of the room.
He sped walked through the halls and sought refuge in the staff room. Minerva was already there, along with Dumbledore, Filius, and Pomona.
The elderly witch raised an eyebrow at him. "You look like you've been through hell." She commented lightly.
It was true. His robes were rumpled and even torn in several places. The usual sneer was gone, a slight panicked look replacing it. His hair was mussed up completely.
Severus collapsed at the table. "You wouldn't believe it if I told you." He grumbled. The staff murmured a bit but decided not to comment on anything.
That was the beginning of everything. In the course of a couple weeks, a fairly normal Hogwarts year had turned into chaos. Severus now dreaded going to class.
As he entered the room, Potter's face lit up as he proceeded to do another flying leap at him. Severus ducked and hexed him several times with the weary ease of someone who had done the same thing a lot recently. Nearby, Weasley was berating Finnegan for not doing his homework, while Granger snored loudly on top of her desk top. And it wasn't just the Gryffindor's. The Slytherins, Hufflepuffs, and even the Ravenclaws were all acting… weird.
Draco sat primly at his desk, legs crossed daintily while he painted his nails. His nails, for Merlin's sake. Nearby Crabbe and Goyle pushed him from the desk, making him scowl lightly at them, and then ignore them in favour of starting his pedicure. At the back of the room, Millicent Bulstrode was preening in the attention of her peers with lipstick smeared on her lips. It was done terribly, making her look like an idiot but all the girls were staring at her adoringly.
It was a nightmare.
He rushed through his lesson, not that anyone listened except for Weasley, and desmissed the class early again. It was too much to deal with. He didn't think this even came with the teaching contract!
Severus fled into the staff room. It was his last safety haven through the mess inside Hogwarts. Inside, he could see Minerva with a bottle of firewhiskey in front of her with a shot glass next to it. As he watched from the doorway, she knocked the glass off the table and took a giant swig from the bottle. Slamming it down, she coarsely wiped her mouth. That was when she noticed him hovering by the doorway.
Her haggard eyes narrowed as she regarded him suspisciously. "Problem?" she snarled, her normally tight bun falling loose. Severus paled.
Oh god it was spreading.
"No, no problem." He said quickly, speed walking out of the room.
No, there wasn't a problem at all. He was just going to calmly storm up to the Headmaster's office and demand either a raise or he would quit the job. On the way, he saw Potter again in the hallway (how on Earth did he keep tracking him like that?) and he fell into a full terrified sprint with the boy in chase yelling his name happily.
His decision was made in that instance. Quitting the job it was then.