I tried to pretend I was actually hungry during breakfast. I did my best to keep smiling and not look at any of the other members of Cait Shelter for too long. Cubellios coiled around me, hissing in concern.
:Something alarms you:
:They're all dead!: I said, trying not to let my expression reveal how panicked I was. :all of them except Wyrmling:
The snake cocked her head and looked around, coiling around me and scenting cautiously.
:you are certain, hatchling?:
:my magic does not lie:
I flinched catching sight of one woman who had been eviscerated. A large snake head rested on my shoulder, a reassuring weight that helped me focus on tuning out the sights of nightmare fuel.
But other than being...well, dead, the Cait Shelter guild were wonderful hosts. They even built a large extra bonfire and stoked it with all kinds of spices and herbs to give it extra flavors for Natsu. He was thrilled that he could enjoy his favorite kind of food alongside everyone else. The bread was fresh, warm and wonderful. The spicy meat and broth mix was filling yet somehow light enough to feel like breakfast. There was fresh fruit everywhere, well preserved from the orchards Cait Shelter tended during the summer months.
But I couldn't choke down more than a few bites because I wanted to throw up the whole time.
The members of Cait Shelter still flicked back and forth between looking completely fine and showing me how they had died.
Not all of it was graphic. But I could see exactly what had killed them even if it wasn't obvious. One man had a single neat line across his throat. He was the victim of fratricide. His brother, who resembled him very strongly and was sitting beside him, laughing without a care, looked thin and emaciated. So did many others.
There was a siege, and food supplies ran out.
I looked down at my barely touched food and shivered. Cubellios nudged the woven blanket closer around my shoulders and tightened her coils around me.
"What's wrong Fae?" Lucy's question was the one I had been dreading. It made everyone look at me. And now that they were, they would see that something was bothering me. "Not hungry?"
"Not really." I admitted.
"You need to eat and regain your strength, child. You've been through a terrible ordeal." Charla had an excellent point. I had to eat if I wanted to feel steady, and sustain my magic throughout the day. But it was so hard when I was seeing so much...
One woman walked by, her death echo showing me she had been killed with magic. A curse that made her blood flash boil and evaporate in her veins
A hand came to rest on my shoulder. Jellal was looking at me with wordless concern.
"Fae, tell me what's wrong." He spoke, using Telepathy to connect with me.
The sensation of death surrounding me made him start in surprise. It wasn't as malicious and cold as in the Tower of Heaven, but it was terrible and everywhere. A feeling of savage brutality. Of a complete lack of control over one's self.
The effects of Nirvana when used to turn the goodness within people to darkness.
This place had been a killing ground once. It might be lived in now, but the earth remembered how much blood had been spilled here. It wasn't what I was actually seeing in the people, but it was strong enough to make me very uncomfortable.
Jellal's brow furrowed over his mask, which he was wearing now to help preserve Mystogan's identity from being revealed to Natsu, Gray and Lucy.
"I can't make any sense of it." I said apologetically. "It's just too much all at once."
"Look at something else." Jellal advised. "Anything else."
"How? It's everywhere." His eyes flashed down to my bracers.
"Those have been with you through many happy times, correct?" I nodded, aware that people were watching our silent exchange. "Then go back and review those happy memories. Don't let this place destroy your joy."
The idea came to me abruptly.
A Patronus.
Condensed happy memories, a shield between you and whatever was trying to get you down. And I did feel as though this place could suck my soul right out of me if I would let it. I didn't even need to cast the actual spell, just the mental parts of it...
I closed my eyes.
Fishing with Natsu, then getting soaking wet when my improvised bait drew in a catfish large enough to swallow Happy.
Riding roller coasters with Gray, dragging him all over the place, and recovering his clothes before he noticed he was stripping them off.
Training with Erza. Seeing the pride in her eyes, and feeling an answering satisfaction as I grew.
Discussing books and stories with Lucy and helping her iron out her own idea.
Following Mystogan, asking him everything, and getting some answers. His presence at my back made me feel not just safe, but capable and empowered. He wouldn't let me be hurt, but he would also let me test myself.
The Welcoming Brawl that had broken out when Juvia and Gajeel were welcomed into the guild. Just as quickly, it had faded into a riotous celebration of our family growing.
I opened my eyes to see amber runes hovering over my fingertips. I took them and anchored them to a lacrima in my bracers where they remained, glowing steady and bright, providing a warm buffer against the death that echoed in my senses.
Not..the right color.
It took a little extra effort to make the runes turn silvery white, but I felt the shield grow noticeably stronger. Just aligning it more closely with my idea of what should be effective made it much more durable.
When I looked around again, I didn't see the death echoes of the ghosts of Cait Shelter. Only their shadows revealed their true fates. They were still misshapen with death.
"Better?" Jellal asked quietly.
I gave him a smile.
"Better. Thanks!"
Fairy Tail will be gaining three new members.
My shield helped me eat and keep my food down, and genuinely enjoy the present joy in spite of the bloodstained past that lay around me. I caught sight of the Cait Shelter guild master looking at me with a strangely knowing expression after breakfast had concluded.
"A Seer of your capabilities hasn't been seen in these parts in a very long time."
"I'm not a Seer, Master Roubaul."
"A seer can be classified as 'one who sees what others cannot'. Does your gift not qualify?" Well when you put it like that...
"I guess."
He chuckled, moving towards a hut set near the center of their little village.
"Come here, little historian. I have a gift for you to take back to your home. I hope you will accept it." I rose to follow, faintly hearing Cubellios follow.
:What does the old one want?:
:I don't know yet:
I wasn't sure what I was expecting when I entered the hut and found it completely bare. Devoid of life, of anything. It was literally just empty walls. Roubaul settled onto the ground in a cross legged seat with a deep sigh. When he lifted his head to look at me, the humanity seemed to have thinned. I was not looking at a person.
"So you're dead too." The words slipped out before I could stop them. I hadn't gotten a good look at his shadow but it hadn't seemed too distorted...
"Oh yes. And I am deeply sorry that you had to see what remains of my people." He bowed his head in obvious sorrow. "We were once more than what you see."
"I know. I'm sure that your history is wonderful, but..." I swallowed, settling down on the bare ground as well, Cubellios winding around me automatically. "The downfall of any kingdom, race or tribe is the most defining point in it's most recent history. I would need to be able to look past all of that before I could see how you were before Nirvana destroyed you..."
"And- you can't quite stomach that yet." His expression was paternal and gentle.
"No." If there ever came a time when it didn't bother me, I would be very, very worried.
"I understand. The events of the past were as unpleasant for me to live as they no doubt are for you to relive." He extended a hand, a spell instantly producing a scroll about the size of my hand. (An ancient Archive spell that had long since gone out of use, because who used scrolls these days?) "But one day, I hope that the Nirvit's will be remembered for their golden age instead of their foolish downfall. And that both our triumphs and our errors will teach future generations." The scroll settled on the ground before me and I looked up at him hesitantly. He gave an indulgent smile.
"My tribe had many wonders to give to the world. I am asking you, Celeste D Faerun, to learn from us, and pass on what magical knowledge is safe to share to others."
My eyes then promptly widened until I couldn't look more like a deer in the headlights.
The Nirvit's were a tribe in which every single person was a wizard. Magic was more than just a common tool to them, it was their culture and the air they breathed. The knowledge, the history of how that developed and how they had grown...
The Nirvit's enjoyed more than five centuries of prosperity even in the midst of the wars of the time period. G2 added.
That meant that there were probably several centuries of concentrated magical research in the tiny, innocent looking scroll lying at my feet.
"Given the uniqueness of your gifts, I would be astounded if everything we have ever done found a use in your hands. But I understand inspiration can come from anywhere."
"Should I give this to Wendy?" I asked after I recovered a bit. "She's a member of your guild, an adopted part of your tribe..."
"Wendy's magic is firmly settled in the arts she learned from her dragon mother." Roubaul gestured and the scroll landed in my hands. "She learned survival, our medicine, some craft magic, and a bit of wind magic, but not much else. I cannot maintain this illusion of life for much longer now that my purpose has been fulfilled."
He was only lingering because of his guilt and determination to see Nirvana be destroyed one day.
I walked out of Roubaul's presence with the scroll containing the entire history of the Nirvit tribe and their magical innovations. The other wizards were already starting to prepare to return home. Magi-motors were already waiting for us, it would be a few hours drive to the shore, and then a boat ride down the coast back to Magnolia. Natsu was eyeing them warily like he was expecting them to come alive and attack. Lucy was happily chatting with some of the...guild members of Cait Shelter, and they were all plying her with locally made clothes and accessories. I saw Erza hovering nearby and also saw her stow a very well made set of leather armor.
You never know when metal is a bad idea.
:hatchling?: Cubellios laid her head on my shoulder. :your den master will not object to my joining with you, will he?:
Makarov?
:He never turns anyone away if they need a new home: I assured her. :He will be the first one I speak to about finding a way to break your curse:
This made her a little uneasy, but she nodded, a determined look coming back into her eyes.
:I do not know how comfortable being a two leg will be after all this time. But I will do anything I must in order to speak to my friend:
I gave the big snake a hug, glancing down her smooth back curiously.
"Natsu said you had wings when you fought, didn't you?" I saw muscles flex and bunch and the snake suddenly had wings.
:My friend needed me to fly, so I flew:
:But your kind doesn't normally have them, do they?:
:I do not know. I have been able to produce them for many seasons now:
Maybe it had something to do with the spell that had turned her into a snake. Her memories showed she had been much smaller as a young snake, small enough to comfortably wind around a young Eric's forearm with no trouble. Now she was big enough for him to ride and fly with?
I'll need to research dracne and find out what Cubellios can do that they can't. Ideally, that would mean going and studying the snakes in person. But I had a better chance of getting Juvia to swear off Gray than getting permission to go there, or being able to sneak that far without being noticed.
The violet scaled snake fell in beside me as I went to collect my own bag of gifts from the enthusiastic Nirvits. Every single one of the wizards was leaving with the best made items the guild had to offer. I occasionally read some of them setting things aside, intending on giving them to Wendy.
They know what is coming. Those who are not simply illusions maintained by Roubaul himself are the spirits themselves, kept stable and present through his magic.
I couldn't even fathom how much magic power it must have taken. To create illusory companions, an entire guild of them, and have them be strong enough to not only affect the physical world, but also gain credible status as a registered guild. Just how much power did he have when he was alive?
Over 9000.
...Did you just make a joke?
...
-vVv-
When Roubaul broke the news, I felt Gray and Lucy's eyes flash over to me right away. They had realized what my odd behavior must have meant. But I was watching Wendy and Carla.
How would it feel to have everything I knew and everyone I loved evaporate into thin air? Wendy was already starting to cry, disbelief on her face. Cubellios shifted her coils in anxiety, sensing her distress even as the people of Cait Shelter started to disappear before our very eyes.
Tears blurred my own vision with empathy.
Lisanna had died. Laxus had been banished. My trust and closeness with Freed destroyed. All relationships that had simply vanished.
A forked tongue flicked out and lifted the tear from my face as Cubellios looped one of her massive coils around my shoulders.
:I will be alright. She's the one who needs help:
I reached out towards my guildmates, my hands winding into Natsu's and Erza's.
Natsu had lost Igneel, his father. Gray had watched his family die and then his teacher sacrifice herself. Lucy had witnessed her mother slowly succumb to Magic Deficiency Disease. Erza saw Rob, Master's friend, put himself between the enemy and her without a moment's hesitation. He had known as she did that he would not survive when he did that.
Loss is a universal uniter. We've all felt it.
I couldn't say who took the first step forward of our group. I just know that I ended up hugging her as tightly as I could, while both of us were being hugged by Erza.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Wendy..."
I'm sorry I knew this was coming. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to make it stop. I'm sorry...
"I did this..." Wendy sobbed into my shoulder. "If I hadn't destroyed Nirvana-!"
"Then thousands of people would be suffering and we would be caught in a fate worse than death." Erza said gently, carding her fingers through Wendy's dark blue hair. This elicited a fresh wave of sobs from Wendy.
"But they-he, they stayed because of Nirvana! I destroyed it, I made them leave-!"
"Blaming yourself is normal." Gray said in a melancholy tone. "You wonder, and worry about what you could have done differently."
"What if it would have changed things. What if they're not here because of me?" Lucy picked up the thought, her own eyes overly bright.
"But they're not!" Wendy howled. "They're gone! My guild is gone!"
"They were ghosts, Wendy." I said, feeling her fists clench against my back. "Most were projections of Roubaul's memories. Some were the spirits of his family that he sustained. In pretty much every situation where there are ghosts who linger with unfinished business and unanswered regrets, they go dark, and vengeful. But that didn't happen here." I pulled back slightly to meet her eyes.
"They had you. They got to love you, and enjoy peace in living with you and watching you grow up. You hear me? Peace, finally, after centuries of war and of holding on to their guilt for creating Nirvana. And you set them free. You gave them peace in their extended lives, and let them pass on in peace. It's always gonna hurt that they're gone-."
"But-." It was Natsu's quiet word that made Wendy's face lift, tear tracks glittering from reddened eyes. He rapped a fist gently onto Wendy's chest. "-they never die in here."
The dam broke yet again and she buried her face in Erza's shoulder and let out a fresh wave of tears.
We started out several hours behind schedule to give Wendy all the time she wanted and needed to grieve and say goodbye to her old life. Carla and I kept close to her the whole time, prodding her to keep moving in her daze. The projections had packed Wendy's bags, but she still moved through the empty huts like she expected to see someone there. It looked like everyone had just walked away from their work. There were baskets of flax still waiting to be spun. A half finished tapestry on the biggest loom.
But the air was still and quiet.
Now the most recent event for the Nirvit tribe that I saw was their being put to rest. The bloody story had a...happy ending for them. They had been able to leave, knowing that Wendy and Carla would be taken care of, and Nirvana would never hurt anyone ever again.
-vVv-
Wendy and I sat with Carla and Cubellios in the back of one car that was mostly filled with Erza's luggage as she drove towards home. Jellal drove the other car, being the only one of the mages headed to Magnolia whose magic had recovered enough to even try to drive it. (I wasn't counting Natsu, though he was back at 100%. He went green around the gills just by sitting in the car.)
Wendy, seemingly unaffected by the rocking motion of the car, simply sat with Carla in her arms and stared at the road ahead. The white feline had started purring when Wendy had mechanically picked her up. Cubellios, wrapped around me to share my seat and the limited space more efficiently, looked back and forth between the two of us.
:hatchling, the wyrmling's distress is upsetting you. But she should speak about it before it has the chance to fester:
Wiser words have never been spoken from a comparative mute. But...
:I will talk to her, eventually: I promised the snake. :but she just lost them. She can have a little time just to be sad before I ask her to try and be happy again:
"Are you actually talking to her?" Hearing her say something took me aback. This question was the first thing I heard Wendy say since she stopped crying about half an hour after Cait Shelter dissolved.
Oh my gosh...worst accidental pun ever.
"Yeah. It's called Parseltongue."
"Can you do it with other languages too?" Wendy's eyes still looked hauntingly dry and distant, but she was trying to be present. Actively trying to move on. That soon?
"I...don't know. I've never tried." Some of my thoughts must have showed on Wendy's face since she gave me a smile that hurt to look at.
"It's not the first time I've lost family. It's ok." Oh...that's true. Wendy had lost Grandeeney and retained enough memory of her to still use her magic and miss her. Considering she could have been much older than four, that was extremely impressive.
"It never is ok, no matter how often it's happened before." Wendy shook her head, and I actively saw her shake away the shadows and doubts of the past.
She is choosing to believe she will not lose her next family.
The sheer emotional resilience that showed in Wendy's character was impressive and humbling to me.
I had been a mess for a few weeks before even being willing to talk about Lisanna not being with us and coping with it. Wendy wasn't denying being sad, she just wasn't depriving herself of present happiness.
I...I don't think I could do what she is. I admitted to myself, my arms tightening slightly around myself.
If I lost Fairy Tail...I didn't see how I would ever recover. I didn't doubt that I could, eventually. But it was like the path to emotional recovery was blocked. I just couldn't imagine life without them, at least one of them.
"You're really brave, Wendy." I remarked, looking out at the scenery as it flew past.
"No I'm not. I'm terrified."
"I know. But you're not letting that stop you from facing the future. Even though you don't know what's coming. And even though this came as the worst kind of surprise. You're looking forward and not letting grief make you go stagnant."
It's much more than I could do in your place.
-vVv-
Wendy's recovery of her spirits culminated in her asking Erza as we pulled into the harbor if she could join Fairy Tail. I didn't even let the woman answer.
"Yes!" I jumped, maybe a little higher than a normal person should have been able to, and whooped. "Absolutely yes!"
"Ahh...I'm glad you're excited?" Wendy sounded uncertain and looked very taken aback. Erza laughed.
"Don't mind Fae, Wendy. I think she's just excited to have someone else close to her age as a friend."
"Oh..." I only half heard what they were saying as I ran over to where Natsu was suffering in the other magi-motor and hauled him out.
"Natsu, Wendy and Carla are gonna join Fairy Tail!" And it was a complete guarantee since hell would freeze over before Makarov said no to the girl. And wherever Wendy went, Carla would follow. Thus was the rule of talking cats and Dragon Slayers.
Is it a rule or is it just for Natsu and Wendy? Neither Sting nor Gajeel seem to have one.
"Really!?" Happy looked ecstatic, popping into the air in delight. Carla did not look amused.
"I suppose."
"That's great, you two, we'd be happy to have you!" Lucy said, beaming at them both.
Loke is coming. I tilted my head at G2's warning.
"Hey Lucy, did you need to talk to Loke about something? He's coming."
"What? So soon after burning through all that energy?" Her smiled faded and her brow furrowed. "I hope nothing's wrong..."
"Nothing is as far as I can tell."
We loaded the luggage, and soon I got to experience what having a lack of sea legs was like. I wasn't sea sick, but I was definitely shaky. Humming a pirate ditty soon got me in the right mindset and the right balance.
"Wendy, why don't you get seasick like Natsu?" I asked her as I tried to wake across the rolling deck without stumbling.
"I don't know. I guess I haven't had a lot of experience on moving vehicles, so I never thought about it."
"Well, if you don't know..." Do you know why? I addressed the question to G2, who responded promptly.
A Dragon Slayer's senses are heightened to superhuman levels, including their sense of balance. As such, their senses can easily be overwhelmed if they feel a lack of control over what is going on around them.
"Fae? Fae are you ok?" I noticed Wendy was waving her hand in front of my face and looking concerned. "I know I got rid of all your head trauma..."
"Oh, oh, no, I'm fine, Wendy really. I do that alot. I can learn a lot from just asking my magic questions and hearing the answers can sometimes distract me from whoever I'm talking to." Most of the guild was accustomed to me zoning in and out of conversations. But Wendy, not so much.
"That could be dangerous..."
"I know, it's why I only let myself follow the deep questions when I know I'm safe." I looked up at the mast and the crow's nest and grinned. "Say, Wendy. You want to overcome your fear of heights, right?" She went very still.
"I get the feeling that no matter what I say, you're going to make sure I do get over it one way or another."
"I'm reckless and stubborn, but overall, very well intentioned." I assured her with a pat on the arm. "I promise, whatever I drag you into, you will be perfectly safe the entire time. I've had a lot of time to work out safety precautions for just about every major accident." It took up just about every lacrima in my bracer to tie them all to me, but when I had them all up and active, I was proof against...a lot. I could, theoretically, jump off a cliff, through a cloud of freezing rain and thunder, hit my head two hundred feet down and land in a boiling cauldron without suffering more than a few bruises.
The Sky Dragon Slayer was a little pale, but she smiled.
"Wow, that's...really thorough of you."
"Yeah. It's part of my deal with my teachers. If I want to experiment with my magic, I have to have contingencies in place for the top ten most likely things to go wrong."
"It must be great to have so many people to learn from." Wendy said a little wistfully. "Cait Shelter was all about home and creation magic. Not a lot of overlap between that and what I do..."
I nudged her in the ribs gently, grinning.
"There are only two other wizards out of the hundred-some members of Fairy Tail that have Rune based magic similar enough to mine to actually help. But everyone pitches in with an idea, or even just by being a sounding board! You'll have it way better than me: You'll have Natsu and Gajeel to help get more in touch with your draconic side!"
A low moan from the Fire Dragon Slayer made us both look at him as Happy sat on the railing next to him holding a fishing rod that was way too big for him and looking as happy as a clam. Cubellios was sunning herself nearby, dozing contentedly in the warm sunlight. The wind was cool, but getting warmer as we travelled.
"If it means feeling like that on anything that moves..." I rubbed the back of my head.
"Yeah, that's the thing. Natsu only feels like that on non-sentient transportation. He's fighting fit when he's flying with Happy."
"Have you tried flying with him?" Wendy asked. "Maybe whatever is moving him has to be alive for him to not get sick." She moved over to him, her hands glowing. "But I do know a spell that works on motion sickness...I've never gotten to try it on anyone."
I hopped onto the railing, gazing out over the rolling waves. There were several spells I wanted to try because their setting required either a lot of water or proximity to the ocean in order to function, but it was kinda nice and peaceful just to sit for a while and do nothing. Gray was near the prow, keeping a look out to make sure our way ahead was clear. Erza was talking to the crew and pretending not to be sad that Jellal was subtly avoiding her. Lucy-
Was speaking to some Celestial Spirits I didn't recognize.
Scorpio, Gemini and Aries.
I glanced through G2's summary of what had happened and smiled when the spirits handed over their keys willingly and without hesitation.
They've been through a lot. It'll be good for them to have a wizard who cares about them as much as Lucy will.
"Is Aquarius still upset with me?" Lucy asked Scorpio dryly. The olive skinned spirit chuckled.
"Oh, she's trying not to act like it around me, but I know she's spittin' mad. She'll get over it, Miss Lucy don't worry about it."
Oh no Lucy, you should definitely worry about it.
With nothing of any real interest happening on deck, I turned my attention to G2. She really needed another name.
It is not my story.
And what she wasn't saying was that it wasn't necessary for her to have a name.
But you are a part of mine, and so you should have one. Or something that's more significant than a number a deranged madman gave you. And even for our magic, naming something gives it power.
I wanted a name that would give the conscious residing in my magic an identity without overwhelming mine.
Ok, my magic is Story Magic. She's living in my head, she's been telling me pieces of stories the whole time... Bard? No, that'll just make me think of the Hobbit.
I kept contemplating this train of thought up until a blast of fire came from over my shoulder.
Wendy has cast the Troia spell, which temporarily cures motion sickness, on Natsu.
This proved to be distracting enough to entertain me for at least the next hour, and by then Erza had finished her business enough to address me.
She was standing alone by the port side of the ship, gazing out over the water. I lightly hopped onto the railing, sitting down with my legs hanging over the side. I could almost feel Erza consider pulling me back to full safety, but she decided against it.
"I've informed Master and sent a message to Mystogan letting him know what has happened. They were both very surprised."
"That I did something like this or that this was what I did?"
"The latter. But the Master has expressed surprise and concern over your lack of effort in mending ties with Freed."
"I'll talk to him when he's ready to talk." I said, aware that I was in a petulant, defensive posture with tightly folded arms. "He wanted me to just read him instead of explaining himself."
"And it's your right to want that." But enough is still enough. Was what she wasn't saying. But even thinking about speaking to Freed made something shift inside me. Whether it was guilt, anger or reluctance, I couldn't tell.
A gentle hand was laid on my arm. Erza's eyes were knowing and patient as she looked at me. Very different from the usual face she portrayed to the world. The tough, no nonsense, raging terror Titania, compared to Erza Scarlet, the surrogate mother/big sister for everyone in the guild.
"How long do you plan on staying angry at him?"
"I don't think I'm still angry." I admitted, kicking my legs gently in the open air.
"Then what are you?" My hands tightened on the railing.
"Erza...Brain managed to control me because he convinced me that I was someone else. Someone who was only in Fairy Tail to spy. Someone he had broken and trained to turn into a soulless automaton at the use of a command phrase. And only when I focused on the person being in Fairy Tail has made me could I fight back against his control. There is no Celeste D Faerun without Fairy Tail. What Freed tried to do...what Laxus persuaded him to do, would have destroyed the very thing that let me choose to be a person instead of a tool." I looked back to the waves, a low knot twisting in my stomach.
"I can, and have forgiven him for going along with Laxus's plan. I know how highly he regards him. And misguided and overreaching or not, Laxus thought he was doing the right thing for the guild. But I don't know if I can accept that he one way or another, he was trying to destroy my home. The one place where I have an identity... No matter what his reasons were."
I had given a brief summary of what Brain had done to me in my childhood, and Erza had already called Master to tell him what had happened. I didn't know it was possible to feel magic pressure through a communication lacrima, but Master's rage had sent goosebumps down my back. But details of how it had felt, and what all it meant, I had left out of my initial report
"So it isn't just treason against the guild you hold against Freed, it's a personal attack on you." I didn't answer. But a light touch on my shoulder made me aware that I was leaking magic.
I took a deep breath, forcing my magic to settle back into my core and resume a regular circulation in my body.
"Yeah. That fits."
"Have you talked about this with anyone?" I shook my head.
"Everyone else seems to be moving on, as though it never happened. I didn't want to bring up bad feelings."
"So instead you let yourself wallow in bad feelings alone?" The Requip Mage sounded amused and she was smiling faintly when I threw a half hearted glare at her.
"What?"
"No matter how smart you are, Fae. You can still fall into the same trap of thinking that you have to carry your problems alone when you don't. That's why we are a family. Because none of us could have made it alone." This made me squirm a little though I tried not to let it. Erza wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close in a hug, her cheek resting against mine.
"I'll mediate between you and Freed so you can talk these things out. Or I'll ask Mystogan to do it on your behalf. But you will need to talk to him about this and explain exactly why you're still being so distant with him even months after the fact. This is hurting both of you."
I sighed, feeling something loosen inside me in surrender. I slid from the railing onto the deck and leaned into her embrace, drawing strength and comfort from it.
"It won't be the same..."
"That's the point Fae. Everything must change, but there's nothing stopping it from being a change for the better."
That was true...My and Freed's relationship before had been my usually deferring to his experience and knowledge because I cared about his opinion and trusted him explicitly. But the dynamics had changed now. I still cared about him, but I didn't trust him as naively as before. I might not get my teacher, or protector back. But maybe I could salvage a friendship from this wreckage.