Chapter 10: Moving On

EDWARD

I carried Bella into her house and up the stairs to her room. From what I'd seen while spying on her, it was the place that she felt the most secure. But once I was there, I suddenly felt awkward.

I tried to put her down on the bed, but she wouldn't let me go. One of her hands was wound tightly in my shirt and the other held on to the back of my neck. Her crying was painful to listen to, but I didn't know what to do to soothe her.

Since, she wouldn't let go of me, I moved to a white rocking chair that was in one corner of the room.

I grunted in pain when I sat down because the chair rocked back, causing Bella's head to thump hard against my chest, but it didn't seem to bother her. Instead of flinching away from me, she pulled herself more tightly to me and pressed her face into neck.

I patted her head awkwardly, not knowing what to do for her.

"Umm...Okay…" I mumbled. "Shhhhh… just relax…"

I couldn't say it was going to be okay because nothing would be okay ever again, for any of us.

Her father had become one of the dead. There was no comfort for that.

Her crying only stopped when she finally fell asleep.

When her grip loosened on my shirt and her hand relaxed on my neck, I scooted forward on the rocking chair and lifted her up carefully.

Then, I pulled back her purple bedspread and laid her down before slumping to the floor next to the bed.

I was exhausted emotionally from simply witnessing her pain.

She slept fitfully, whimpering the name Charlie over and over again.

Was one of the dead that I killed her brother? Was he called Charlie?

I dozed lightly, listening for Bella. Whenever her crying would threaten to wake her, I'd rub her back like I'd done for Anna when she had a nightmare. Overall, it was a long night, but when morning came and Bella woke up she seemed worse.

When she sat up in bed, she gazed blankly at her surroundings.

I tried to talk to her, but she didn't even acknowledge me. She simply stared unseeing at the wall, the ceiling, anything but me. While she ignored my presence, her fingers twitched in her lap, tapping out a tune that existed only in her head.

"Bella," I tried again, gently. "It's me, Edward."

I didn't know what I expected. It wasn't as if we knew each other. We didn't even like each other. So, there was no way that I would be a comfort to her.

I tried several times to get her to respond, move, blink, but she just kept on staring.

Getting frustrated, I shook her shoulders.

"Come on! Snap out of it, Bella," I demanded.

Her twitching fingers stilled for a second before resuming their silent tapping.

It went on like that for the next couple of days. I spent my nights keeping vigil next to her bed and my days trying to keep her alive.

It was a fight to get her to choke down even the tiniest bit of food or water. I had to resort to plugging her nose and shoving food in her mouth to make her eat anything.

"You can't fucking starve to death! You can't put that on me. You need to stop this shit, Bella!" I shouted at her, but she still fucking ignored me.

She didn't even fight back when I slapped her face, desperately trying to get any reaction out of her.

I spent useless hours pacing her house and when I couldn't handle being in the house with her anymore, I would hunt. I thought about going back to the police station and giving Bella's father mercy by putting him down, but Bella had asked me not to. And that was not a decision that anyone should make for another.

So, I hunted for game even though I didn't need the food and killed the dead that were anywhere near Bella's house.

On many occasions, I had thoughts of leaving, of just walking out the door and never turning back. I couldn't bear the thought of watching helplessly as someone else died in front of me, like Garrett. However, every time I began to gather my things to walk out the door, my stomach would churn with disgust at my heartlessness.

But being around Bella was painful, which was a feeling that I'd thought I'd successfully buried. Her grief for her father reminded me of my own grief- how much I missed Anna, how much I wished that I could hold her one more time. Yes, I missed my parents, but Anna had been like my own baby.

Even the memories of Anna as one of the dead had returned full force and each time they nearly crippled me. So, to keep from dwelling too much on my thoughts, I wandered around Bella's house, looking at family photos, knick-knacks, things that made Bella's house a home.

The walls were covered in pictures of Bella at different stages of her life. Often she was with her dad whom she seemed close to. I only found one photo that must have been of her mother. It was an old faded wedding photo of a happy young couple that had a split of Bella's features.

The pictures of a loving family made me long for my own. I didn't want to feel that longing. It was a useless emotion. However, I couldn't block it.

So, it shouldn't have been a surprise when on day three of my time at Bella's house, the same nightmares came back stronger than ever.

I was sitting on the couch of our family room playing video games on my x-box. Mom wasn't home yet, so I was in charge of watching Anna after school.

As if on cue, Anna called my name from her bedroom upstairs.

I let out a heavy sigh. Every day after school Anna would beg me to play with her. Because I loved her, I suffered through the dreaded fashion shows with her Polly Pocket dolls. Then, ten minutes later, she'd get bored and run off. Then, about ten minutes after that she would run up to me and ask, "Eddie, what do you want to play?"

It drove me crazy, but I hid my frustration. Anna was very attuned to my emotions and would have an absolute meltdown when I showed even a twinge of impatience.

So, with a deep sigh, I walked up the stairs to play fashion show for the umpteenth time.

Anna's door was open a crack, so I pushed it open and stepped inside.

I found her sitting on the floor in front of her doll house, hunched forward.

"What're you doing sweetheart?" I asked, crouching down next to her.

At the sound of my voice, Anna's whole body twisted around so quickly to face me that her hair fanned out around her.

Before I had time to process what I was seeing, she launched herself at me, causing me to fall backwards. I fought a losing battle, trying to push her away from me. However, with bloody hands, she grabbed a hold of my neck and bit into it.

Hot blood began to pulse out of my neck and my vision began to blur around the edges. Just before the darkness took me, I saw over her shoulder the corpses of my parents stumbling towards me, following the scent of my blood.

Even though I'd had the dream before, I bolted awake just as scared and devastated. My chest ached with choked sobs and I couldn't control the shaking that wracked my body.

At first, I was disoriented and confused about where I was and then I was startled to find that I wasn't alone. I felt the warmth of another human being next to me and the feeling of someone gently running their fingers through my hair.

The feeling was foreign to me. I'd gone almost a year without touching another person. Besides Tanya who'd pawed at me, I hadn't been touched or touched anyone with anything but violence.

My family had been affectionate. None of us shied away from hugging each other or giving each other kisses on the cheek when the other needed it. But this felt wrong. I felt weak, vulnerable. I didn't want Bella's comfort. I didn't need it.

Rolling away from her, I shielded my face, even though I knew in the dark she couldn't see the tears trickling down my cheeks.

Angrily, I swiped the tears away, embarrassed that I couldn't get a hold of myself.

"Ssh, it's OK," Bella whispered, hoarsely. "You can cry. Just let it out, like I did."

I started to laugh at the idea. I couldn't let it out. That was an impossible task and certainly wasn't something I'd do in front of a stranger.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I clenched my teeth, trying to force myself to calm down.

Bella rested her hand on my shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. Then, she just left it there, her thumb rubbing back and forth in a soothing gesture.

I wanted to pull away, I needed to pull away, but I didn't.

I started to laugh again at my weakness, but without my meaning to it turned into a sob and then I was crying again. Crying like a little baby.

Bella's hand returned to my hair and I allowed her to soothe me back to sleep.

The next day, I couldn't look her in the eye. I'd woken up with her pressed to my back, her face buried in between my shoulder blades and her hand resting on my hip. I pulled away from her uncomfortably, not liking the feelings that swirled inside of me.

I was exhausted and angry, but I kept it inside because I didn't want to cause Bella to fall apart again.

I watched her warily for a few seconds, checking to see if she was going to revert to her catatonic state. So, when she stood up and stretched, I sighed in relief. I didn't think that I would have been able to handle her being that way for a moment longer.

"You hungry?" I asked, gruffly, not looking at her.

"Starving," she responded.

I looked over at her startled. For some reason I hadn't thought she would respond. I'd been talking at her for days without any response, so it was weird to have her actually talk back.

"Well, okay then. I brought in some granola bars yesterday. They're pretty good and oatmeal is a breakfast food," I said, walking out into the hall and down the stairs.

Bella followed me to the kitchen, but she was quiet throughout breakfast and the afternoon. It wasn't that she wasn't talking, but her answers were always short and not full of questions or the quick jabs she'd fired at me before. She wasn't telling me how dumb I was every second or how I didn't know how to kill the dead.

However, she was awake, eating, talking and I needed her to stay that way.

After that, our days fell into a routine of sorts. Bella was a decent fighter, so I didn't mind clearing houses with her as I gathered supplies. While we didn't have any deep conversations, I felt comfortable around her, like I had with Jasper. However, every day I'd noticed that more of the dead were entering the town. I didn't want to say anything, but soon there would be too many for us to stay here.

I started to think seriously about leaving. I would have left already if it hadn't been for Bella.

It was then that I realized that I was factoring Bella into my plans for leaving this town.

Did I really want her to go with me? Would she even leave?

Bella would probably die if I left her. She didn't have the physical strength to go up against a horde of the dead. But Bella was unstable, which was dangerous for me. I sort of liked her, but it was survival of the fittest and I couldn't let her bring me down.

While I spent most of my time hunting or killing zombies, Bella went from safe house to safe house, checking the food supplies and writing in a little notebook that she always kept next to her . Every day, she organized and re-organized the food all the while scribbling, scribbling, scribbling in that little notebook. It all seemed like a waste of time and uber obsessive. Sometimes when she'd be talking to me, I'd see her pat it as it sat on the table next to her as if checking to make sure it was still there.

Finally, I couldn't take the not knowing anymore, so after she fell asleep I stole her little notebook.

I'd expected to find rambling thoughts and ravings of a crazy person, but was astonished to find the exact opposite.

It looked like a notebook that my mother always carried around with her from one of her healthy living groups because in it was a list of essential vitamins and minerals with small notes written by Bella next to them in neat precise handwriting.

Vitamin A/beta carotene: essential for vision, immune function, and great skin health. A deficiency in Vitamin A can lead to blindness and increased viral infection.

Possible sources: sweet potato, carrots, leafy green vegetables, sweet red peppers, melons, dried apricots, butternut squash, tuna

Found: dried apricots, butternut squash soup, canned tuna (SAFE HOUSES 2, 6 AND 9)

I closed the book in shock. She wasn't mentally unstable. She was a genius. She'd used a health food journal to document all the vitamins and minerals that a person needed to be healthy. Then, she'd gone about trying to find food that contained them.

I started to realize that Bella's mission to clear all the houses in her town had a greater purpose than just to keep her busy. She seemed to have a more far-reaching plan than simply getting rid of the dead. She was getting her town ready for survivors to return.

I hated the fact that I was going to have to tell her that it was never going to happen and that we'd have to leave soon.

With that, I realized that I'd made my decision. I wouldn't leave Bella behind.

"I can't leave," Bella said, speeding up so she could get ahead of me.

We'd just finished clearing the local hardware store when I decided to broach the subject of leaving.

"Yes, you can Bella," I said, grabbing her arm and turning her towards me. "No one's coming back. We have to focus on our own survival…"

Biting her lower lip, her eyes turned glassy with tears. She tried to blink them away and when she realized that she couldn't, she pulled up the hood of her jacket and stared at the ground.

"Look at me, Bella," I said, but she wouldn't.

"They'll all be back eventually, and I want the town to be ready for them when they get here," she argued.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to convince her to leave in that moment, so I motioned for her to open the door to the store, while I killed the stray zombie pawing at the window.

However, once we got home, I couldn't drop it.

"Bella, it's getting worse in town, not better. Maybe someday in the future, like years from now, people will come back to this town. But if we stay here, we won't be alive to meet them," I tried to explain. "We have to leave."

"I'm not leaving," she snapped, her eyes flashing in defiance as she flopped down on the couch.

I scowled at her but forced the rude words from coming out of my mouth.

"Come with me," I said, yanking her to her feet and up the stairs.

"Where are we going?!" she demanded, trying to dig in her heels as I dragged her with me.

"Stop pulling on me!" she snarled, yanking her arm out of my grip, but I grabbed it again and pulled her into her parents' room and out on the balcony.

"We're going up on the roof," I said, not leaving any room for argument.

"But-" she began, as I shoved her towards the ladder that I'd placed there.

With a growl, she climbed the ladder and up on the roof.

I followed her up and scanned the skyline, looking for the part of town that was the most densely filled with the dead.

I found it in the area closest to the town square and near the police station.

Taking Bella by the shoulders, I turned her in that direction.

"Look at the amount of dead over there, Bella. It's almost triple that it was a few days ago," I said, firmly.

Bella tensed up and tried to turn away, but I held her in place.

I scanned the surrounding area and saw where most of the dead were entering the city. There was a steady stream of them coming in from one of the only access roads into town. I looked farther down that road and saw an even larger number approaching.

I took a hold of Bella's chin and turned her gaze towards the approaching hoard.

A sob escaped her throat and her shoulders hunched.

Then, without another word, she spun away from me and escaped back into the house.

The next day, I gathered the food that had been stored at the individual safe houses and brought it to Bella's.

She didn't fight me on it, but she didn't help. I grumbled about that, but continued on with my work while Bella continued to obsess over her notebook.

There was one last quadrant that Bella and I hadn't checked yet. I knew that I had to check it for food, but I was getting more anxious every day. We were the only things left alive in this town. There weren't even any birds or rats any more that I could see.

At the beginning of the outbreak, there were dogs and cats everywhere scavenging for food.

When Jasper and I broke into houses, pets that had been locked in their homes were almost as dangerous as the dead. After having eaten up every accessible amount of food, they were literally out for blood.

Those that seemed relatively normal, I released into the wild. Jasper thought it would be better to just kill them, but I thought that all living creatures had the right to fight for survival. It was a slim chance that any of them would survive, but any chance was better than none.

Now there were no signs of life other than our own, so I sped up my search of the houses.

Once I'd gathered all of the food at Bella's, I went in search of a vehicle. About a block away, I found a Ford SUV with a full tank of gas and a gas can in the garage.

Nervously getting behind the wheel, I slowly pulled out of the driveway and drove it down the street to her house.

My father had just started to teach me how to drive on the back roads before all hell broke loose. My mom had said that I was too young, but Dad had thought that it wouldn't hurt for me to be comfortable behind the wheel. However, I'd barely been able to keep the car on the road and now I was going to be responsible for driving us out of this town. I was dreading it, but I couldn't see any other way.

That night as I lay on the mattress that I'd dragged into Bella's room, I told her that we were leaving within a week.

Even though it was dark, I could sense how she shifted in bed and sat up.

"Can't we wait a little longer, Edward…" she asked, sadly.

"We've stayed too long already, Bella," I explained. "I'm worried that it's already going to be impossible to get out."

"I can't-" she began, but I interrupted her.

"For God's sake, Bella. We need to go! If we stay, we die," I snapped.

Every push back that she gave me about leaving was frustrating the hell out of me. When I was on my own, I didn't have to reason with anyone else about what was for the best. I'd just do it.

Without another word, Bella slumped back down in her bed and was silent.

Being pissed at Bella made it hard for me to fall asleep.

I thought about going downstairs to the couch. However, since the nightmare incident, I found it hard to fall asleep without the soothing sound of the steady breathing of another person in the room.

Bella never mentioned my break down and I never mentioned hers, but it seemed like she felt the same way that I did. She would often stay awake at night and wait for me to come to bed.

Not tired, I turned on my flashlight and shone it at the ceiling.

Even though it had been a nightly ritual for me and Anna, I wasn't very good at making shadow puppets. I could only do the common, bird in flight, bird's head and a wonky rabbit, but it was entertaining to try to make new shapes from shadows.

I heard a rustle of bed covers as Bella slid out of bed and to the floor next to me.

Lying down on the mattress shoulder to shoulder with me, Bella joined me in the making of shadow puppets.

I was amazed at how the twisted shapes that she made with her hands turned into faces, a wolf's head, and even what looked like a dinosaur.

"Charlie, my dad, taught me how to do them," Bella said in a choked voice.

"They're really cool," I said, pretending that I couldn't hear the pain in her voice.

"Anna, my little sister, loved making shadow puppets," I said, hoarsely, acknowledging her pain with my own.

We continued to make shadows on the ceiling in silence until exhaustion took us both.

In the middle of the night, I woke up to Bella wrapped in my arms. I felt myself flush with embarrassment because I barely knew this girl and now, I was snuggling with her. I imagined the lecture I would have gotten from my mother about being in bed with a girl.

Not only was it embarrassing, but I was also disconcerted by how at ease I felt. The gentle rise and fall of her chest pressed against mine and the body heat that the two of us generated made me feel drowsy and almost peaceful.

Still, I tried to pull away from her, but she burrowed herself closer to me, throwing her arm across my waist. I decided in that moment to surrender to it and not question the comfort that it gave me to hold this strange girl in my arms.

With that acceptance, I fell back to sleep.

The next day, I started to pack the SUV with food.

"A little help would be nice…" I growled as I lugged a full case of water to the trunk.

Bella was perched on a stack of tires at the back of the garage.

"I'm watching for the dead. I'm your look out," she said, matter-of-factly.

I looked over at her as she sat hunched over her little notebook.

"The damn garage door is closed, Bella. I don't need a fucking look-out," I grumbled.

With a huff, she placed her notebook on the bench and went into the house to grab some food.

By the end of the day, it was pretty packed inside the car. The trunk was completely full and even with the backseats folded down, it was clear that we didn't have enough room for everything.

When Bella realized that we wouldn't be able to take it all, she climbed into the back and started tossing out all the junk food. Bags of potato chips, chocolate bars, even cans of coke, were being thrown out the side door.

"What the fuck, Bella!" I yelled as I grabbed the stuff up off the cement floor.

"It needs to go, Edward," she said, firmly.

"Nope. Get rid of some of your cans of butternut squash soup and trail mix. I'm already sick of eating the stuff and we haven't even made it out of Forks. I'm not a fucking squirrel," I snarled.

In response, she pulled out her little notebook and started reading from it.

"Zinc is required by the body for keeping a healthy immune system. A deficiency in zinc can lead to stunted growth, hair loss, eye and skin lesions, diarrhea, and impotence. Sources of zinc are cashews, almonds, walnuts, peanuts, hazelnuts…"

"Fuck," I growled, dropping my stash on the ground and storming away in defeat. I didn't want my dick to fall off. Wasn't that what impotence meant?

I heard a snicker come from the back of the car as I marched into the house, but I chose to ignore it.

That night, both of us were tense. Everything was ready for us to go and we both knew it.

I wanted to leave the next day, but there was one thing that needed to be done first.

"Bella, I need to ask you something," I said, hesitantly.

"What?" she asked out of the darkness.

"We'll be leaving tomorrow or the next day," I said, taking a deep breath. "Before we go… don't you think… that… I should give your father mercy?"

I saw it as mercy. I hated the fact that I'd been such a coward that I hadn't given my own mother and sister the same mercy that I was offering to give Bella's dad. That thought haunted me every day.

I waited as the silence lengthened between us.

"Edward…" she said with a sob.

I climbed up off the floor and got onto the bed next to her.

Pulling her into my arms, I squeezed her tight.

"It needs to be done, Bella. Your father wouldn't want to continue on like he is. We need to put an end to his suffering," I whispered against the crown of her head as she buried her face in my chest.

"You don't have to come. You don't have to be there…" I said.

"No…" she began.

I sighed, thinking that she was going to tell me that she couldn't let me do it.

"No," she began again. "I need to be there."

"Bella…" I began. I didn't want her to have to see it.

"It's okay, Edward. It's time. I need to let him go…" she said with a sob.

I pulled her tight against me and rocked her back and forth.

"I'll make it quick. I promise," I whispered.

A light squeeze was her only response, but it was enough.

Lying back on the bed, I pulled Bella down with me, letting her curl herself up in the crook of my arm with her head pillowed on my chest.

And just like that we fell asleep.

We both woke up at the break of dawn, called by the need to have it done.

Silently we got dressed and left the house.

Bella had put on her uniform again, with all of her many weapons slung around her waist.

I felt more confident about bringing her with me that way. It meant that she was prepared for whatever dead we encountered and maybe even with letting her father go.

It was hard getting to the police station. As I'd been worried about, there were more dead crowding the streets and it took a lot of dashing down back alleys and going through cleared buildings to even make it close to the station.

That was when I brought out my secret weapon. One of the houses that I'd cleared had a small stereo which I'd put batteries in. The kid's room didn't have much choice for music, but I chose the loudest.

It worked to get the dead's attention before and I hoped it would again. Then, all that there was left would be to find Charlie.

Leaving Bella on the roof of town hall to look for her father, I escaped out of the building and carried the stereo a few streets away from Bella's house, the main access road, and the town square.

Once I'd found a good location, I placed the stereo down and pressed play, cranking the volume to full blast.

Then, I dashed away, keeping my distance from the dead whose attention was now focused on the loud drum beat and shouting on the CD.

With a grim smile at my success, I ran back to the building where I'd left Bella.

When I reached the roof and found her crumpled form, I knew that she'd found him.

Crouching down next to her, I uncovered her face which was hidden by her hands.

"Where is he, Bella?" I asked, gently.

With a shuddering breath, she used me to help her stand and pulled me towards the edge of the roof and pointed towards town hall.

At first I didn't see him because the swarming mass of the dead were all so focused on getting past each other in order to reach the blasting noise.

Then, I saw the familiar flash of blue that matched Bella's shirt.

"There," I pointed at him for acknowledgement from Bella.

Bella didn't speak, but her nod said it all.

"Okay, you stay here while I go down there," I said.

"No, I'm coming…" she said, forcing herself to stand strong.

"Bella, it would be better-" I started.

"No, Edward. He's my dad. I need to be there," she said sharply.

With a sigh, I nodded and led the way down the stairs and out of the building.

The square had emptied out quite quickly, with only a few stragglers left behind. One of which thankfully was Bella's dad.

I kept myself between Bella and her father as we approached, worried that she might decide to run to him.

But Bella stuck close to my side.

"Let me have your ice pick, Bella. I'm going to knock him down and then use the pick at the base of his skull in the back. It'll be quick and he won't see it coming, okay?" I asked.

"Just give me a second, Edward," she said, stepping out in front of me.

With a grunt of alarm, I reached out for her but she shook me off.

I stood that way, tension making my muscles quiver, as I prepared to jump forward if her father made a move for her.

"Dad?" she said, maintaining a distance, but stepping in front of her father so that she could see him and he could see her.

"Dad? It's me. It's Bells…" she said with a sob. "I'm sorry, Dad. I wish I could make you better, but I can't…"

Mr. Swan let out a groan and staggered a step towards her, baring his teeth in hunger.

I made to move, but Bella moved first. She took a step back and to the side when her father made a swipe at her.

"Dad, I failed. I can't make the town safe for survivors. I thought I could, but now I see that things won't ever be the same again. So, I have to leave, Dad."

Charlie Swan let out a growl and lurched three steps forward, drool and blood dripping from his mouth as he hungered for his daughter.

"I'll be okay, Dad," she said, uncontrollably sobbing now. "I'm with Edward. He's good, Dad. Just like you said he was…"

I was confused by that. When had she told her father about me? It was clear that he'd been dead long before I got to town.

With a roar, Charlie Swan lunged forward desperately reaching for his daughter.

I jumped forward and grabbed him, kicking him behind the knees and knocking him to the ground.

"Good bye, Dad," Bella said in a voice practically too quiet to hear.

For a moment as Mr. Swan struggled on the ground with me as I tried to force him onto his stomach, I made eye contact with him.

I saw in his features, aspects of Bella underneath the rot and gore. It was a disturbing human connection that I'd tried to ignore when I dealt with the dead.

"I'm really sorry, Mr. Swan. I'm here to give you mercy. Bella will be okay with me," I said, before forcing him onto his stomach and with a quick jab stabbed upwards through the base of his skull and into his brain.

And with that, he was gone.

When I climbed to my feet, I was surprised to feel my own face wet with tears.

But instead of dwelling on it, I grabbed a crying Bella and pulled her away from the square and towards home.