Chapter 13: More than Just Surviving

EDWARD

My hands were on fire from catching myself on twigs and rocks. I could feel blood trickling down my left shin from the amount of times I'd slipped and scraped it or had some twig stab me.

It was because I was trying to move too quickly. I was usually more sure-footed, but I felt the urgency of getting to Bella.

As I ran, I suddenly heard crunching through the undergrowth, so I froze. I had to take the time to get rid of whatever corpse was chasing me. I couldn't lead any dead back to the cabin.

I heaved a sigh of relief when I realized it was just one, but as it approached I realized that the corpse was huge. It lumbered towards me with the forward momentum of a dump truck, hitting trees and bushes which didn't even slow him down.

The zombie didn't look even human any more. His skin looked almost like it had melted from the way it hung off his body. Paired with his size, I was hit with the strange thought that the Hulk was bearing down on me.

Whipping my crossbow off my shoulder, I trained my scope on him and pulled the trigger.

To my dismay, it struck him in the shoulder which didn't even slow him down.

Before I knew it, the giant slammed into me, throwing me backwards and up against a tree.

"Oomph," I couldn't help but gasp as the air was crushed out of me.

With a snarl, he grabbed me by the shirt collar before I could catch my breath and tried to yank me up off my feet, but the force of his grip tore at my shirt, giving me a bit of wiggle room.

I let my legs sag, which caused the creature's grip on me to loosen as the cloth tore away in his hands.

"Well, there goes my only shirt," I grunted as I wormed my way out from underneath of him.

Spinning around him, I leaped on his back and tried to shove my knife into the base of his skull. However, again, he was strong enough to throw me off of him, minus my knife which was buried in the back of his neck.

Thankfully, while the creature's size worked against me, he wasn't fast. Therefore, I was able to get to my feet before he was on me again.

All I needed to do was to push my knife deeper into the back of his head. It was lodged deeply in his neck, but I guessed that it just wasn't in far enough.

Grabbing a rock, I spun around the corpse and jumped on his back again.

I held onto his shirt one handed and with the rock tried to pound the knife further into his neck.

"Why won't you die!" I growled, hitting the knife again and again.

It took me three tries, but finally the corpse went limp. However, to my chagrin, we fell backwards. It was so fast that I wasn't able to get out of the way in time and I was thrown to the ground with the corpse on top of me.

"Shit," I gasped as I felt his heavy weight slam down on my chest.

The force was so hard that it left me stunned for a few moments.

Then, reality came back to me and I began to shove at the giant to get him off of me.

"Get off… Get OFF!" I snarled and shoved him with all of my might.

The rush of air into my lungs was almost painful as the corpse rolled to the side of me.

I scrambled to my feet; the urgency to get to Bella was overwhelming.

Grabbing my backpack and bow, I started to run.

"Keep going," I muttered. "Gotta keep going."

The pain in my ribs just spurred me to run faster.

I arrived at the cabin when the sun started its journey towards dusk.

As I approached the cabin, I froze in fear because I heard what sounded like moaning coming from inside the cabin.

Rushing to the window, I looked into the cabin.

"Edward… Edward…"

Bella was slumped to the floor, her hair plastered to her forehead as her head lolled back and forth as she whimpered my name.

For a moment, I was relieved that she was alone, but then my heart stuttered in my chest. She didn't look well at all.

"He'll be right back," I heard her mutter as she jerked herself awake. "He's strong… can beat the crap out of any monster…"

I almost laughed, forgetting that she was delirious.

The distraction caused my feet to slip on the loose gravel, which caused a rustle in the grass and bushes as rocks tumbled down the hill.

When I finally righted myself, I looked back in the window only to come face to face with the muzzle of Bella's gun trained on me.

"HOLY SHIT, BELLA! PUT THE GUN DOWN!" I said way too loudly as I ducked out of range.

I was shocked when I heard Bella giggle.

"Sorry… Sorry…" she laughed

"Can I look up now?" I said in a quieter voice.

"Sure, come on in…" she said, far too cheerfully.

Sliding the window open, I climbed in.

As I approached Bella, I was horrified to see how terrible she looked.

Her face was red and shiny with sweat and her eyes were bloodshot.

I walked over to her cautiously, noticing that the gun was still in her hand.

"Bella, put the gun down," I said, carefully.

"Oops," she said, letting go of the gun with a clatter, causing me to flinch.

Once the gun was out of her hand, I hurried over to her and dropped to my knees.

"Bella, I brought supplies," I said.

Opening my backpack, I pulled out a bottle of water and Advil.

I opened the pill bottle and tapped two into my palm and handed her the bottle of water.

"Take this," I said. "It should bring down the fever."

"Well, that would be just great," she said, popping them into her mouth and guzzling some water.

With a deep breath, I uncovered her arm and looked at the cut.

It wasn't bleeding as heavily, but it was still oozing slowly and looked red around the edges.

I knew it was going to need stitches if she was going to survive. However, the thought of sticking a needle in her flesh like it was nothing more than a piece of cloth made my stomach turn.

"I've never stitched anyone before," I said, looking at her wound.

"Really? I thought every teenage boy has done a little sewing," she said, with a chuckle.

I looked up at her and glared.

"Don't worry," she said, patting my arm with a shockingly hot hand. "I don't need it to be pretty."

She grabbed the first aid box and opened it on her lap.

Together we pawed through the contents until I found a small plastic package that contained what looked like thread and another that contained a needle.

Holding the two packages in my hand, I tried to center myself so that I could figure out what to do next.

I tried to remember what I learned in my first aid class, but all I could remember was how to do CPR which while being important wouldn't help me now.

Okay… Think Edward...

I needed to clean the cut. It was clear that it was becoming infected. The red edges to the wound meant that infection was setting in.

Whenever I cut myself, which was often, I first washed it off to get out any dirt. Then, my mom would douse it with peroxide, which would hurt like a son of a bitch.

Looking at the long cut on Bella's arm, I shuddered.

Grabbing another bottle of water, I poured some of it over my hands to clean them and then I looked in Bella's eyes and then down to the wound.

"I'm going to have to rinse it out, Bella and it's going to hurt like hell..."

"Don't worry about me, sir. I'm an accident prone individual. I've had my fair share of injuries," she said with glazed eyes and a smile.

She was acting like she was drunk, which under any other circumstances might have been funny but now it just stressed me out more.

Instead of responding, I held Bella's arm in my hand and before I could think too much about it began to pour the water.

When water streamed over the wound, Bella turned white and gritted her teeth.

I internally steeled myself because if she was already in pain, we were in trouble.

It wasn't enough to just clean it with water. I needed to use peroxide too.

"Jesus…" I muttered, picking up the bottle.

The light in the room was getting fainter as dusk approached. Soon, I would be working by flashlight, so I had to get started quickly in order to use the light I had left.

With a deep breath, I tipped the open bottle over the wound. When it hit the cut, Bella's whole body tensed. I knew what it felt like to put peroxide on a small cut, so I could only imagine the pain she was in right now.

Giving it a moment to bubble as it cleaned out the infection, I rinsed my own hands in peroxide.

I felt the sting of it as it worked its way into the tiny scratches on my hands, making Bella's pain even more real to me.

Reaching for the needle and suture thread, I ripped open the package and then just looked at it.

"What's wrong?" she gasped through the pain.

"Don't I need a knot at the end of the thread? How else will it stay shut?" I asked, feeling even more uncertain.

Maybe it was like sewing on a button. My mother had always refused to do it for me because she said everyone should know how to sew a button. I had no idea why.

I looked at Bella and saw that she was as uncertain as I was.

I couldn't wait. The longer I waited the more chance Bella's cut had to become dirty again.

I took the thread in between my fingers and pushed one end through the hole in the needle and tried measure how much thread I would need. I tied a knot and then another at the end, pulling the two sides of the thread together.

"It'll have to do…" I said, with an indrawn breath that shook.

"Wow, you're filling me with confidence," Bella said, closing her eyes.

With her words, I knew that I couldn't show how scared I was. I needed to be strong and confident for her.

Grabbing the peroxide, I poured it over the needle and thread, hoping that this was what I was supposed to do.

Then, I took another deep breath and looked at Bella.

"Okay, Bella. I can do this, but once I start I'm not going to stop. No matter how you react, I'm going to keep going because we have to. We need to be strong," I said, forcing the quiver to stay out of my voice.

She nodded at me, unable to speak.

Grabbing her arm, I prepared to push the needle into her skin.

"Wait," she gasped, which caused me to whimper.

Bella grabbed the bandana that she'd been using to keep her hair back and put it in her mouth so that she could bite down on it.

With a nod from Bella, I clenched my jaw and pushed the needle into her skin.

The first stitch was harder than I'd thought it would be because skin was a lot tougher than it looked.

Bella's whole body shuddered, but I didn't look up. I knew that if I saw the look of agony in her eyes then I would lose my confidence and wouldn't be able to continue.

Picking another place about a ¼ inch away, I pushed the needle back in.

By the third stitch, Bella was crying and I was sweating and panting.

By the fifth stitch, I was begging for her to forgive me, holding her down with my body weight.

By the seventh stitch, she was pleading with me to stop.

"Edward… pl.. plea… please stop. Edward… you're h… hurr… hurting me."

"I'm so sorry, Bella" I whimpered, practically sobbing as the eighth stitch dug into her flesh.

By the ninth and final stitch, Bella had gone limp.

Quickly but carefully, I tied another double knot at the end of the thread.

Taking the bottle of peroxide, I poured more over the wound.

Bella didn't even flinch this time, but I still didn't look at her. I needed to finish.

The bandages were the type that came with anti-bacterial ointment and adhesive already on them, so I quickly attached it to her arm, smoothing it down as lightly as was possible.

I couldn't look at her. I was pretty sure that I'd killed her.

Looking at my hands, I saw that they were covered in blood which caused my stomach to lurch.

Jumping up, I dashed over to the other side of the room and was violently sick.

Using a bottle of water from my backpack, I rinsed out my mouth and then my hands before walking back to Bella.

Slumping to the ground next to her limp body, I finally looked at her face.

Her face was slack in unconsciousness and she was pale, too pale.

Reaching out a trembling hand, I pressed my two fingers against the pulse point in her neck.

A shuddering breath burst out of me when I felt a steady beat under my fingertips.

"Oh thank god," I said, leaning back against the wall and shutting my eyes.

It was the last thing I remember from that night.

I woke some time close to dawn to the sound of whimpering next to me.

In disorientation, I bolted into a sitting position reaching for my knife.

Scanning the room for danger, I clenched my knife tightly.

It took me a moment before I realized where I was and what had happened the night before.

Turning to my left, I saw that Bella was on her side, writhing in her sleep.

As I slid over to her, she let out a whimper and rolled onto her back.

"Bella," I said, gently. "Bella, wake up."

Reaching out, I touched her forehead and recoiled when I felt how hot it was.

"Bella, come on wake up. I need to give you some medicine," I said, gently shaking her shoulder.

"Mom?" Her voice came out so weak.

"No, Bella. It's Edward."

Her eyes open, but they did not look like they were actually seeing me.

Reaching up, she brushed my cheek with her fingertips before her hand dropped to her side and she moaned loudly, turning her head away.

"Mom, it hurts," she whimpered.

"Bella, come on. Wake up," I said, feeling an undercurrent of panic. "I need you to wake up, so that I can help you."

Seeing that it wasn't going to work, I got up and went to the backpack to get the Advil and a bottle of water.

Sitting down next to her, I opened the bottle and poured some of it over her face and hair.

I knew that I was using up our meagre supply of water, but I hoped that it would shock her awake.

As the water poured over her face, Bella choked and her eyes opened wide.

"Wha… What?!" she gasped, trying to sit up, but quickly giving up when she flinched in pain.

"Edward… my arm is on fire," she whimpered.

"I know. I have Advil which should help bring down your fever," I said as soothingly as possible.

Tapping three Advil into my hand, I tipped them into Bella's mouth and then held the bottle of water to her lips, giving her a sip at a time.

Choking on the water, Bella turned her face away, but she had already swallowed the pills.

Pulling off the remains of my shirt, I poured water over a clean part of it.

Gently, I pulled Bella close to me and placed her head in my lap.

"It's okay. Just let the pills do their thing. It'll be okay in the morning," I said as I held the cloth to her forehead.

It took about a half an hour before Bella lapsed into a more relaxed sleep as the Advil kicked in.

With a sigh of relief, I slid down the wall slowly so that I was on my back.

I was exhausted and while I knew I probably should stay awake to keep an eye on her, I couldn't keep my eyes open.

As dawn breached the horizon, I was jostled awake by the feeling of someone nestling themselves against me.

With a sigh, I rolled onto my back and pulled Bella against me.

"Bella! For the love of God, will you leave me alone?!" I practically shouted.

"You look like a mountain man! Just because it's the apocalypse, it doesn't mean that we get to look like animals…" she said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Screw off!" I growled.

"Come on, Edward…"

"No…"

"I'll be gentle…"

"Bella, I'm not going to let you put a knife to my face. That is not going to happen," I snapped.

"At least let me cut your hair. It's pretty, but not very manly curling around your shoulders, like that," she tried to reason.

Reaching up, I pulled a strand of my hair in front of my face. I'd always kept my hair quite short, so I didn't know that my hair had the tendency to curl.

Looking at her bowie knife, I considered it.

"Fine. You can cut my hair, but keep that knife away from my face," I growled.

"Okay. Suit yourself. Let your patchy whiskers grow until they reach your knees. Very manly." she said with a smirk as she went to our supplies for the bottle that I'd filled with river water.

Rubbing my chin, I frowned at her. It wasn't that long…

We'd been at the cabin for over a week, while Bella's cut healed. It felt like for the first few days it was touch and go with her fever spiking every time the Advil wore off, but eventually the stretch between fever spikes got longer and longer until it was finally over.

Bella was still weak, but her irritating personality had reappeared too quickly.

She was slowly driving me crazy inside this tiny cabin.

I'd been back to the car once to get more supplies, but the number of dead on the highway was making it more and more dangerous. Plus, I kept seeing signs that other survivors were around. It was probably Emmett and Rosalie which made me nervous. They knew that I was nearby and were probably searching for me in order to rob us.

I didn't tell Bella about them because I knew that she'd want us to join up with them. She didn't understand how ruthless survivors could be.

Every day, the cabin fever and the need to get on the road became stronger. Bella seemed content to stay here, but I knew that it wasn't safe. The place just made me uneasy.

"Come here, Edward," Bella said, interrupting my thoughts. "I want to get your hair wet."

Grudgingly, I got up and walked over to her in the light of the window.

"Bend down and tilt your head forward," she said.

I did as she said, cringing as the cold water splashed over my head and shoulders.

Once I was sufficiently wet, Bella had me sit on a stool and she started to try to finger comb my hair.

"Shit, Edward. Have you not brushed your hair since the apocalypse?" she asked as she tugged painfully on my tangles.

"It hasn't been high on my priorities," I grumbled.

"Whatever, grouchy pants…" she said, tugging on it a little too forcefully.

Overall, the haircut was not a pleasant experience. My scalp felt raw and sore from all the tugging that went on from Bella sawing at it with her knife.

"All done, grouchy…" Bella said with a smile as she looked down at me.

"I did a pretty good job if I do say so myself," she said, running her fingers through my hair.

Her fingers felt nice in my hair after all of the tugging and pulling that it had just gone through. She was gentle now, separating each strand with her fingers.

Involuntarily, I felt my eyes falling shut, almost as if I were in a trance.

"I'm going for a swim," Bella said, jolting me awake. "You should too. You stink."

And once again, Bella was back to irritating me.

"It's not safe, Bella," I said.

"Edward, nothing is safe anymore. We'll just have to be careful," she reasoned.

"Bella, there are more-" I began, but she interrupted me.

"Nope… I'm doing it, Edward. The sponge baths are not cutting it anymore," she said.

At her words, a flash of heat spread across my face as my eyes involuntarily snapped to her chest.

I'd woken up one night, startled that Bella wasn't next to me. However, I calmed immediately when I saw her standing in front of the window that was illuminated by the full moon.

For a moment, I didn't know what she was doing. However, once my eyes had adjusted to the gloom I was shocked to see that her shirt was draped over the back of the couch and her bare back was facing me.

I knew that I should look away. It was wrong of me to continue watching. But all my reasoning couldn't force my head to look away.

I realized that she was using a wet wash cloth to bathe.

All ability for rational thought went out the window with that realization.

"Turn around… turn around… turn around…" My perv mind chanted over and over again.

And as if she heard me, she began turning in my direction in what seemed like slow motion.

I was frozen. I knew I needed to look away, but I couldn't.

She was almost fully facing me when she caught me looking at her.

Her shriek could have woken the dead.

As I bolted out of the cabin, I couldn't wipe the flash of naked boobs out of my head.

For days, the sight would just randomly pop into my head, making me jumpy.

After spending months with Bella, I was finding it more and more difficult to keep my thoughts PG. I couldn't help it. It seemed like overnight she went from a scrawny kid to a curvy woman.

It also annoyed me that Bella never brought up what happened. Not even once.

"Earth to Edward," Bella said, snapping her fingers in front of my face.

I swatted her hand away.

"What?" I snapped.

"Are you coming? I'm going now," she said, walking towards the door.

"Ummm…" I said, unsure about the whole thing.

She turned back to me and rolled her eyes.

"I'm not doing it naked, Edward. I'll wear my bra and underwear," she said.

That didn't make things any better.

"You've seen girls in bikinis before, haven't you?" she asked, raising one of her eyebrows.

"Well… " I began, still at a loss for words.

"Whatever," she said, opening the door carefully. "Come if you want."

Quietly, she crept out of the cabin.

I walked to the door and watched her move towards the side of the cabin.

Before she could turn the corner and out of my sight, I slipped out of the building and followed her to the beach.

The danger of running into the dead was still a possibility, but Bella was right. The danger would always be there. We just had to be aware of our surroundings at all times, which was practically instinct for both of us now anyway.

As we reached the water, I looked both ways down the beach looking for any danger.

When I saw none, I relaxed slightly.

The thought of taking a swim was actually quite appealing. I felt like there was a layer of grime covering me.

Without a backwards glance at me, Bella walked to the water's edge and stuck a toe in the water. With a gasp, she jumped back.

Looking over her shoulder at me, she smiled.

"Well, it's going to be refreshing, I guess," she said.

I smiled in return.

But when she stepped back from the water's edge and started to pull off her clothes, I quickly looked away.

I heard her chuckle under her breath.

"Edward, you don't have to get all weird," she said. "It's not like you didn't already take a peek at me when you were spying on me the other night," she said.

My head snapped back to hers. "I was not-" I began to defend myself, but my words got stuck in my throat when I saw that she was in the water almost up to her hips.

I gulped loudly and looked away again.

"Are you coming in?" she asked.

I froze at her words.

What was she doing? Was she just teasing me or flirting?

"I'm going to watch… I mean… I'm going to keep watching… watch for the dead… I'm going to keep a look out for the dead…" I stammered, which caused me to turn beet red.

"Suit yourself," she said, diving under the water.

Once she was out of my sight, I was able to calm myself.

I had to get it together. Whatever feelings I had for her were not good. I couldn't let my hormones rule me. They were already rattling me and I couldn't afford to be rattled with the possibility of being attacked around every corner.

With that determination planted firmly in my mind, I continued to scan the beach and the tree line for the dead.

It seemed to take Bella anawfully long time. She'd brought a small bottle of shampoo with her which was probably what was taking her so long. Bella needed a haircut too. Her hair practically hung to the small of her back now.

"Okay," Bella said, coming out of the water. "It's your turn."

I stood up and looked at Bella, making sure to keep my eyes trained on her face and nothing else.

"I'll keep an eye out while you take a bath," she said before I had the chance to ask her to do it.

"Okay," I said. "Where's the shampoo?"

I don't know how long I stayed in the water, but I took my time, using the shampoo to wash my hair and the rest of me.

For a brief while, I let my guard down. I flipped and turned in the water, enjoying the feeling of being clean.

By the time I decided to get out of the water, my hands were wrinkled from being in the water so long.

I looked up at the beach with a smile and saw that Bella had taken the opportunity while I was in the water to wash her clothes as well as mine.

All I had left was my underwear and a pair of raggedy shorts, but Bella felt that it was necessary for the raggedy shorts to get a cleaning too.

As I approached the shore, the smile didn't leave my face. The cold water was invigorating.

Bella stared at me with a small smile on her face and an unreadable expression in her eyes as I reached her. I didn't understand the look, but I felt too good to dwell on it.

Sitting down on a piece of beach wood, I stared out at the waves with a contented smile.

"Thanks for that. You were right. I needed a bath," I said with a smile.

"You sure did," she said. "But you also need a shave."

I felt so good in that moment that her nagging didn't even irritate me.

"Fine… but if you take my nose off, I'll hate you forever,"

With a small laugh, Bella grabbed our clothes and then my arm and dragged me off to the cabin.