Chapter 16: Understanding

BELLA

Edward and I followed Emmett to the shore and then about a quarter of a mile east to where we came upon a campground.

Emmett's RV was parked on a slight hill overlooking the park, a perfect place for a look-out.

There were other RVs nearby which Edward and I looked at warily. These were the places that often pockets of dead would be held up, trapped in their vehicles.

"I've already cleared out the RVs nearby, so you and Bella can take one for the night or however long the two of you would like to stick with us," Emmett said, sensing our nervousness.

"That one, over there, is the cleanest," he continued, pointing to the RV closest to theirs. "It was abandoned before the shit hit the fan."

Edward gave a sharp nod of acknowledgement, but that was it.

I appreciated that Emmett directed his comments at Edward even though he never got a response beyond a nod or a single word. It wasn't a chauvinistic thing. It felt more like Emmett was trying to convince Edward that he was not a threat and that he considered Edward an equal even though he looked like he was around ten years older than us.

When we came around the side of the RV, a blonde woman stood up from where she'd been sitting next to a fire with an axe clutched in her hand, ready to attack. Even when she saw Emmett, she didn't lower her weapon.

"Whoa, Rosie. They're with me. Don't you remember the guy we rescued a few weeks ago?"

"I remember he threatened to kill us if we didn't leave him alone," she snapped, her eyes flickering back and forth between us.

Despite the unfriendly way that she was glaring at us, she was one of the most beautiful women that I'd even seen. She was tall like Emmett, but still elegant with curves that any girl would envy. She even had a halo of golden blonde hair that fell down her back in waves.

"Now, Rose. We've talked about this…" Emmett said which finally caused her to lower her axe.

"Fine," she said, turning back to the fire to check on the food that she had roasting.

By now it was dark out, but the smell of cooking meat that wafted into my face was unmistakable. My mouth watered and my stomach growled as I inhaled deeply. Edward and I hadn't had meat for months. Wildlife was few and far between now, so Edward's hunting trips usually didn't produce anything.

"You guys hungry?" Emmett asked, turning towards us in order to beckon us to the fire. "I found a farmhouse a few miles away that still had a few cows wandering the pasture. They were skinny, but there was still some meat on them."

Edward grunted and strode towards the fire, plopping himself down on a rock.

"Thank you so much. We'd love some. It's been so long since we've had any meat," I said, trying to cushion Edward's aggressive response.

"You guys don't look like you're starving," Rosalie said, suspiciously.

"We have our own-" I began, but snapped my mouth shut when Edward flashed me a warning look.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes suspiciously as she noticed the look that passed between Edward and me.

"Well, anyways…" Emmett said, cutting through the tension. "We have enough to share for tonight. Take a load off, Bella."

I walked over to an overturned log that was placed near the fire and sat down.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked, looking at Rose who was busy turning the meat over the fire.

"No. I'm almost done," she said, looking at me with what seemed like disdain.

"I'd really like to enjoy my supper, so you guys have to do something about the stink. You reek like the dead," she grumbled, before lifting the spit off the fire and carrying it into the RV.

Emmett brought out a bucket of water and some old rags and we silently went about washing up. Edward needed help getting all the blood off him, but I was hesitant to do anything until he directly asked me.

After the fear of almost losing each other had faded, I felt awkward around him. I was afraid to even make eye contact with him, so I looked at everything else instead.

The fire which was shored up on all sides to hide the flames from a distance casted a warm glow over everything. Sitting on the rocks closest to the fire were tin-foiled wrapped packages that looked a lot like baked potatoes.

With a stick, Emmett rolled the foiled packages away from the flames. Then, he strode into the RV, leaving us alone.

Edward left his seat on the rock and came closer to the fire. He didn't sit right next to me, but he was close enough that I could reach out and touch him if I was brave enough to do it. Tentatively, I looked over at him. He seemed lost in his own world as he stared intently into the flames. At first glance, he looked relaxed, in the way he saw with his knees bent with his elbows draped over them, but I knew him well enough to read the tension in the way he held his mouth and how his shoulders were slightly raised.

I wondered why he had come looking for me. Was it out of obligation? Did he really want me to stay with him? He never said that he wanted me with him, but the way he had held me felt different. Was it only out of relief that I hadn't died?

I wanted desperately to believe that it was because he wanted me, but I couldn't be sure. Edward was always so hard to read.

I continued to stare at him, wanting him to look at me, to give me some kind of sign about what he was feeling, but he never looked away from the flames.

"Okay, folks. Ready for some barbecue? We have salt, but no butter for the baked potatoes," Emmett said, handing us both plates.

I looked at my plate in wonder. I had a sudden feeling of déjà vu. It almost felt like I would look across the fire and see Jacob sitting there with the rest of his friends. We'd spent a lot of time sitting around bonfires on First beach, eating just this same meal.

"Thanks," Edward muttered as he took the plate from Emmett before digging into his meal with barely contained eagerness.

"No problem, bro," Emmett said, plopping down on the ground.

With the hand not holding his plate, he pulled Rosalie down with him.

We ate in silence, all of us savouring the luxuriousness of the meal.

Finally, the silence was broken by Emmett.

"So, where are you guys from? I'm from Harrington. It's a small place a couple of towns over. Rose is from Lansdowne, right babe?" Emmett said, looking towards the scowling woman.

"Yep," she said, but didn't elaborate.

I couldn't understand her aggression towards us. Compared with Emmett who was practically begging for us to join them, Rosalie looked like she'd be a lot happier if we disappeared.

I found myself shrinking from her, as if her glare was cutting into me.

I was surprised when I felt Edward slide closer to me as if he sensed my unease.

With him pressed against my side, I felt my strength return.

Surprisingly, it was Edward that responded.

"We're not from around here. Both of our hometowns were overrun, so we're basically nomadic," he said, leaning into my side slightly.

"I don't believe that. You guys both look too healthy to not have a home base. You just don't want to share anything with us," Rosalie snapped.

Edward's body locked up in anger at her words and I knew that he was going to lose it.

When I used to stay at the fishing lodge with Charlie, I liked to sleep next to the wood stove. I imagined that every flicker of flame that danced behind the pane of glass looked like it was fighting to be released from its confinement. I often felt that way around Edward. There was a fierceness to him that was always just below the surface ready to burst at any moment.

"Listen blondie," he snarled, through clenched teeth. "I don't give a shit what you believe. But I'll give you a little piece of advice. One rule of survival is that people who stay in one place die. Only the people who keep moving survive."

"Okay, guys. Chill…" Emmett said, interrupting the stare down between Rosalie and Edward. "I know its nerve wracking getting to know new people, but let's just try to tone things down. We're all friends here."

We all fell into an awkward silence after that as we continued with our meals.

"Do you guys really believe that the only safe thing is to keep moving?" Emmett asked suddenly, clearly still thinking about what Edward had said earlier. "Do you plan on just staying on the road forever?"

I had the same thought. Edward wanted to live day to day, but I knew that eventually we would get tired or let our guard down and that would be the death of one or both of us.

Edward shrugged and lapsed into silence.

"Rose and I want to join up with a group and start working with others to create a new civilization. If we as a human race don't start doing this, eventually we're all going to die out," Emmett said.

Edward snorted, but I sat forward in interest.

"You've got to be careful about who you approach. A lot of survivors are dangerous. They've survived by taking from the weak and killing people who oppose them. We've run into those people and barely made it out alive," I said, using Edward's story as my own.

"We know about the dangers…" Emmett said, all signs of joviality dropping off his face.

Rosalie seemed to shrink in upon herself suddenly, causing Emmett to encircle her in his arms. It was a strange contrast to the angry woman she'd been moments before.

Edward leaned forward at the change in atmosphere. I could tell that Emmett and Rosalie's change in demeanor surprised him just as much as it had me.

However, Emmett never elaborated on his statement, and it wasn't our place to ask. We'd all seen terrible things since the world fell apart.

With a gentle kiss on Emmett's cheek, Rosalie suddenly stood up and crossed behind the fire to reach the RV.

Emmett stood up as well, stretching to his full height.

"I think we're going to turn in now. We usually go to bed quite early and get up with the sun," Emmett said, with a yawn. "Can we talk again tomorrow? I really think we could help each other."

Emmett's yawn was contagious. The stress of the day's close encounter with the dead was catching up to me.

"That would be great," I said, with a smile.

"I bet it's been a while sense the two of you have slept in a real bed. I'm pretty sure the RV even has blankets," Emmett said, with a dimpled smile.

A shiver travelled down my spine at the thought of a soft mattress with actual pillows. Edward and I had been sleeping on the bare boards of the cabin.

Emmett went about dousing the fire as we put away all signs that could attract the dead.

Then, after saying goodnight, I made my way over to the RV.

Suddenly, my stomach felt sick with nervousness. This would be Edward's chance to leave if he wanted. He didn't have to feel obligated to protect me because it was clear that if I wanted, I could join these two survivors. And Emmett was a fighter. He jumped in to protect me and was able to hold his own against a dozen dead. Edward didn't need to worry about my safety anymore.

But as I approached the door of the RV, I heard Edward only a few steps behind me.

I exhaled in relief as I opened the door and stepped in.

At first, I couldn't see anything, but then a bright light shone over my shoulder from Edward's flashlight. I'd never been in an RV before. I was amazed at how much could be fit into such a small space. In the front of the RV, there were the seats for the driver and the passenger. But behind the seats was a complete living area. A dining table came down off the wall with two fold-down chairs. In one corner of the back of the van, there was a small kitchen with cabinets, a mini fridge, and what looked like a small stove. There was also a small door in the other corner that looked like it was probably a bathroom.

I turned around and saw that above the heads of the driver's and passenger's seats was a bed. It didn't have much space, but it had a mattress and even pillows and blankets.

I shivered again in the anticipation of lying in a real bed.

"I'm so tired," I groaned. "That bed is calling my name."

Edward's silence was slowly driving me mad, but I was afraid that when he spoke, he was going to tell me that he was leaving. So, I didn't push. Instead, I used the ladder to climb up into the bed.

It was dark inside, so when I looked out into the main part of the RV all I could see was Edward's silhouette.

"Are you coming?" I asked, hesitantly.

Again, silence.

But then the silhouette began to move and Edward was suddenly on the bed with me, pulling me into his arms.

I whimpered in relief followed by a gasp when his lips crashed against mine.

It took me a second to react, but when his arms wrapped around me, mine found their way behind his neck and then my hands were in his hair.

Edward rolled us over so that his body covered mine. There wasn't much space to move, so every inch of him was pressed against me as we kissed each other over and over again.

When we needed to breathe, I gripped the back of his head as his mouth travelled to my neck. I couldn't stop the moans and gasps that escaped as new sensations coursed through me.

His lips found mine again, and I wasted no time sucking his bottom lip into my mouth. I didn't know what I was doing, but by the sound that he made I knew that I was on the right track.

Needing more than a simple breath, Edward rolled us onto our sides. As we panted to catch our breath, Edward ran his hand through my hair and then down my shoulder and arm before bringing my hand up to his face and kissing my palm.

I began an exploration of my own, thrilled that I could touch him like this for the first time. I traced his face, ran my fingertips along his jaw and then down his neck to his chest. I'd thought about what touching him this way would be like for a long time now, and it was better than I imagined. Yes, we had held each other before, but this was so different.

With his face so close to mine, I could see his features clearly. His eyes were so dark that in the slight amount of light coming in through the skylight, they were practically black. His lips were parted with shallow breaths escaping between kisses.

Leaning closer, I slid my lips across the surface of his skin, tasting his neck. A current of electricity flowed through me when I felt the vibrations of his moan underneath my lips.

Copying me, he ran his lips along my neck kissing and sucking on the exposed skin.

Then, he began to speak against my skin; his words came out almost jumbled, in frenzied gasps and whispers.

"You can't leave me, Bella. I need you. If you want to stay with them, I'll stay. Just, please, please don't leave me."

His words were like a bucket of ice water poured over my head.

My whole body froze and I pushed against his chest, until he rolled over onto his back.

"What?" I gasped between breaths. "Edward, what are you saying?"

He reached for me again, but I pulled away.

"Edward. I don't want to leave you," I said, but my words seemed to have the opposite effect to what I wanted.

His hands dropped to his sides and he looked away from me only to stare out of the skylight.

His face looked wearied and defeated which broke my heart.

"Edward. Please look at me. I need you to look at me," I said, cupping the side of his face.

Finally, he met my eyes, but any emotion in his eyes had closed off.

"Don't shut me out. I promise. I won't leave you," I said, pleading with my eyes.

Still I didn't get a reaction out of him.

I leaned down and kissed him gently on the forehead, then the cheeks, and then the lips.

"Edward, I need you too. You are so important to me. I can't imagine living without you. I stupidly ran away because I was afraid that you didn't feel the same way about me. It wasn't that I wanted to leave you."

Edward's eyes latched a hold of mine with a guarded expression.

"I need you… not just to survive…" I said, leaning down and kissing him gently. "You're important to me."

He looked at me intently for a few more moments before his whole body relaxed and he pulled me to him.

This time our kisses were gentle and slow, full of unspoken apologies and reassurances. When we finally needed to breathe, we lay entangled, no space separating us as we each looked up through the skylight at the stars that were no longer blocked from the lights of any city.

I sighed, loving feeling this close to him. We'd been curled around each other plenty over the months, but this was something different. We were more than just survivors sharing the same fox hole.

"Edward?" I asked, softly after a while.

"Hmm?"

"What do you think of Emmett and Rosalie?"

For a few moments, Edward was silent.

"I don't think that they're like James' group. They don't seem like the kind of people that would murder us in our sleep, but beyond that I don't know," he responded just as softly.

I wrapped my arm around his waist and snuggled in closer to him.

In return, he sighed and burrowed his head in my hair.

"Are we staying with them?" he asked.

"It's not just up to me," I said, not liking how he seemed to have given up on having an opinion about what was going to happen in our lives. "I want to make this decision together. But… if these aren't the people, I want us to look for others. We have to join a group if we want a future."

Edward was silent for a while and I started to think that maybe he'd fallen asleep.

"Let's stick around for a bit and feel things out. They might not be dangerous, but if they can't take care of themselves then they could be a problem. I know that seems cold, but we need to think about our survival too. If they can't fight or if they don't have survival instincts then they will just get us killed."

"Okay…" I responded.

"And Bella… can you try not to share too much? We need to maintain a little bit of a distance if we plan to scope them out first," he said, pressing his lips against my forehead.

"Okay…" I said with a sigh, holding him tighter and kissing his upturned jaw.

"Now, will you kiss me goodnight?" I asked and practically squealed when he rolled me over and attacked my lips.

The next day, I awoke to an empty bed. I must have slept late because through the skylight I could see the blue sky of a late morning.

Sitting up, I stretched feeling every muscle protest. Clearly, I hadn't moved much during the night.

But I felt good. I felt more rested than I'd been in months.

Climbing down out of the bed, I looked out the window of the RV towards the campfire. However, there was no one there which made a kernel of fear take up residence in my stomach.

I grabbed my ice pick that I'd left on the table and carried it with me as I exited the RV and made my way over to the campfire.

As I got closer, I started to feel a little panicky when I couldn't see Edward.

"They're not here. They went back to the farm to slaughter another one of the cows and dig some vegetables," a voice said behind me.

I was so startled that I spun towards the sound with my ice pick raised.

"What the hell! Put the weapon down!" Rosalie said, glaring at me balefully.

To my surprise, Rosalie was sitting on a lawn chair in front of her RVs door, knitting. It was such a strange sight. She seemed so at home, relaxed.

It made me worry that Edward might be right. They might not have the survival instincts to make it in this world. No one should be this relaxed.

"I'm so sorry. I'm not used to being around people other than Edward," I said with chagrin.

I wasn't making a great impression by pulling a knife on her.

"Uh huh," she said, not sounding convinced. "There's a baked potato left over from breakfast if you want it. We all ate earlier," she said in a tone that made me think I did something wrong by sleeping in.

"Thanks," I said, walking over to the fire and picking up the plate with the tin foil package sitting on a rock near the still hot coals.

I considered where to sit. Rosalie's temper made me want to keep my distance from her, but how would I ever know whether we could become a group if I avoided her.

So, I walked over to where she was sitting and sat down in the vacant lawn chair.

"What are you knitting?" I asked as I unwrapped my potato.

"A sweater," she said, shortly.

"Ah, I see…" I said, trying to think of something else to say, but I was drawing a blank.

So, instead I started eating in silence and stayed that way for a long time.

Finally, it was Rosalie who broke the silence.

"If you and Edward are so inseparable, why were you alone in the woods?" she asked, still using a suspicious tone.

"I ran away…" I said, ashamed.

The clicking of Rosalie's knitting needles abruptly stopped which caused me to look up.

"Was he hurting you?" she asked, with a haunted look in her eyes.

"Who? Edward?" I asked in shock.

"There's something not right about him. I can tell he's unstable…" Rosalie said, her voice getting more and more intense.

"No, Edward would never hurt me. He's saved my life so many times. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him," I said, staring into her eyes.

I couldn't resist rubbing my arm as I said this, thinking about how Edward literally stitched me back together to save my life.

Rosalie's eyes followed the motion of my hand and then abruptly sat up.

"Oh my god! What happened to your arm?!" she asked in shock.

"I cut it," I said.

"On what?" she asked, grabbing a hold of my arm so that she could get a better look at it.

"I cut it with a knife in order to get a bunch of corpses to focus on me and not Edward," I said, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

She stared at my ragged scar that stretched up my forearm.

"This must have bled a lot. I'm shocked that you didn't bleed to death," she said. "Who stitched it?"

"Edward did. We had a first aid kit with us that had needle and thread," I responded. "I almost did die, but it was from infection."

"Do you mean to say that the guy that you're travelling with stitched up this gigantic gash in your arm?" she asked in shock.

I felt strangely proud of us. I never thought about how it might seem to other people that two teenagers could do something so dangerous.

"Yep. It was ten stitches all together and we didn't have anything to freeze it with. I can't even explain how painful it was. Every stitch going through my skin was like being stabbed with a red hot poker. And that wasn't even the worst. He then had to pour peroxide over it. I fainted at that point, I think," I finished.

"I can't even imagine… Nowadays, getting a blood infection is just as dangerous as the zombies out there," she said, thoughtfully.

This brought my attention back to the moment.

There was no one on watch.

"Shit! No one is on watch. The dead could creep up on us," I said.

"Emmett strung cans around the RVs, so we'll hear them if they come close," she said, matter-of-factly.

I didn't want to insult her, but I didn't trust that that would be enough. Ropes break.

"I think I'll just keep an eye out anyway," I said, carefully.

"Whatever. You can do it from on top of the RV. That's what Emmett does," Rosalie said.

"Thanks. I just need to get my rifle," I said, walking back to the RV.

As I returned to Rosalie and Emmett's campsite, I thought about Rosalie.

She seemed pretty dependent on Emmett. I couldn't imagine putting my survival completely in someone else's hands, even Edward's.

Does she not know how to use a weapon? I wondered.

I considered asking her but didn't want to insult her. She was still a stranger to me and while she had been more civil, I was still far from comfortable around her.

So instead of saying anything, I climbed to the top of the RV.

I felt nervous with Edward gone. He'd gone on hunting trips before without me, but I was always in familiar territory. Now, I was alone in an unfamiliar environment with a stranger.

To calm my anxiety, I focused on the task in front of me. Using the scope of my rifle, I scanned the surrounding area.

The autumn sunlight shone brightly down through the clouds, which could not dull the brightness of the day. All around our campsite the forest was ablaze in colour. Tall trees appeared to burn with a thousand different shades of yellow, red and orange. This brightness was contrasted only by the deep green of the tall pines that dwarfed the other trees.

I focused on the forest edge, using my scope to search for any unusual movement. It was hard because with a small breeze the trees were swaying back and forth.

While I searched, I thought about what I'd learned about Emmett and Rosalie so far.

Emmett could handle himself against the dead, but Rosalie was another matter. Was she a liability? Were these the right people to join with?

I was so focused on what I was doing that I wasn't even aware of how long I'd been on watch until I heard someone behind me.

Turning, I saw that it was Rosalie.

"I thought that you might be hungry," she said.

My stomach growled once she said it which caused a small smile to flicker across her face.

"Thanks," I said, reaching for one of the plates that she held.

Instead of leaving me alone, Rosalie came up and joined me.

"Do you see anything?" she asked, scanning the area.

"Nope, but it's hard to tell with the wind," I said, looking back towards the perimeter for a moment before turning back towards her.

Placing my rifle on the ground next to me, I sat down.

All there was to eat was a little leftover meat from supper, but it was still filling.

I wondered whether Rosalie and Emmett were getting enough nutrition.

I thought about what Edward said about over-sharing, but I felt like I could at least share my notebook with them. I wouldn't tell them about our supplies, but I could at least tell them what to look for when they went on supply runs. It had kept Edward and me healthy these last few months.

"Do you know how to use that?" Rosalie asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?"

She nodded towards my gun.

"The rifle. Do you know how to use it?" she asked, looking from the gun to me.

"I'm okay with it. My dad was a police officer, so he taught me a little bit. I've learned more since being with Edward, though," I responded.

She didn't say anything else, but I noticed that her eyes kept straying towards the gun.

"Do you know how to use one?" I asked her.

She scowled at that, but then answered me.

"No. Emmett usually does all of the hunting… I've never been comfortable…" she said, not looking at me.

"Oh…" I said, not knowing what else to say.

"I know that I need to learn, but…" she began, but then trailed off.

We both stared out towards the forest in silence for a while.

"I could teach you if you like," I said, carefully.

"I-" she began, but then stopped and stood up quickly, pointing towards the forest edge.

Even from a distance, I knew it was Edward. His bronze hair shone brightly under the autumn sun, like the foliage around us.

With a deep sigh of relief, I felt the tension leach out of me. Raising my hand, I waved enthusiastically at him and was thrilled when he waved back.

Emmett was a few steps behind him carrying a large bundle over his shoulder.

"Well, let's go see what the men folk have brought back with them, shall we?" Rosalie said, making her way down the side of the RV.

With a smile, I followed her.